


The Long Road

by Kittyhawk



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Canon Divergent, F/M, Romance, Sexual Content, Shenko - Freeform, Slow Burn, Sole Survivor (Mass Effect), True Love, War Hero (Mass Effect)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-11
Updated: 2018-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-17 10:59:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 53
Words: 221,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3526739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittyhawk/pseuds/Kittyhawk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Commander Veronika Shepard, Hero of the Blitz and Sole Survivor of Akuze, is candidate to be the first human Spectre. The mission that brings her spectre status ends up being larger than humanity. She has a loyal crew to help her succeed, and finds not only camaraderie, but also love. Her relationship with her fellow marine Kaidan Alenko is put through a severe test, fraternization regulations being only one problem they face. Strays slightly from canon. Rated M for later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Assignment

Chapter 1. New Assignment

Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko had just finished packing his duffle bag when the comm whizzed. "Lt. Alenko, Captain's Office."

 _Huh? Why would the Captain want to see him now?_ He was off duty and ready to head out for two blessed weeks of shore leave as soon as they hit Arcturus Station. He sighed, straightened his shoulders and marched towards his CO's office.

"Sir?" he asked as he stepped through the door. Captain Reynard pointed to a chair in front of him. "Have a seat, Alenko." His CO paused shortly," I'm afraid your shore leave has been cancelled, Lieutenant."

"Sir?" Kaidan asked again, racking his brain to figure out what he could have done wrong to have his shore leave cancelled. Hell, he couldn't think of a single thing.

"This is no punishment, son." The Captain handed him a data pad, "It's a reassignment. Not exactly what I had in mind when I put your name forward for a promotion together with a commendation. Apparently the Brass thinks you're not quite ready yet."

Kaidan glanced at the data pad. He was to report for duty at 0800 aboard the SSV Normandy the next day. _SSV Normandy_? Wait, like in newest Alliance frigate, co-designed with Turian engineers? It had been all over the news. A deep-scout frigate built as a joint venture between Alliance and Turian Hierarchy. He remembered an interview he had seen with a Turian general. _The crew for the SSV Normandy will be handpicked. Only the very best will even be considered for duty aboard this extraordinary vessel_. He looked at his CO with an incredulous look on his face, then his eyes darted back to the data pad and went wide when he read the name of his new CO. Captain David Anderson, N7, Alliance Hero. That was all the info the data pad gave him. Then he realized his current CO was talking to him.

"I have to admit, I'm sorry to let you go, Alenko. You're one of the best techs I know apart from fully trained engineers, highly qualified as a field medic - much higher than the average field medic - and, hell, those biotics of yours are pretty useful as well. All in all, a pride for all sentinels. You were supposed to take Lieutenant Commander Fuller's place as XO sooner or later. That was my plan, anyway. But when an N7 requests someone by name, well..." Captain Reynard's voice traveled off. "Lieutenant, is something wrong?"

"Uh, sir, this doesn't mention which position Captain Anderson requested me for or any other mission details." Kaidan couldn't quite subdue the quizzical expression fleeting over his face.

"N7, son. Information on a strictly need-to-know basis. But I know Anderson and I would bet a large amount of credits that he will be waiting at the docks to debrief you. We will be docking in an hour. Now I suggest you pack your remaining things and say good-bye to your friends. Do me proud, Lieutenant." there was an understanding look on his CO's face.

Kaidan stood up and saluted smartly: "Yes, sir!" Then he reached for the hand his CO was offering. "Thank you."

"My pleasure, Lieutenant. Whatever Anderson has in mind, I am sure you're more than up to it."

* * *

Roughly three hours later he found himself unlocking his little apartment at the Tech barracks of the Alliance base on Arcturus Station. Captain Anderson had indeed been waiting to debrief him. Kaidan couldn't believe it. Anderson as CO and Lieutenant Commander Shepard as XO. Lieutenant Commander Fucking Shepard, Hero of the Skyllian Blitz, youngest Soldier to receive the Star of Terra and Sole Survivor of Akuze. Hell, he couldn't help feeling incredibly proud and scared shitless at the same time. One good thing would definitely be serving together with Flight Lieutenant Jeff "Joker" Moreau again as well as Engineer Adams. Ever since leaving Anderson's office he kept mulling it over in his head and still felt unreal. This masterpiece of engineering, the new figurehead of the Alliance, and he was supposed to be a part of that? Kaidan knew he was a good soldier, his recommendations spoke for themselves, yet he would never have dreamed of such an opportunity. And working with two of the most renowned Alliance officers - this could be a huge step in his career.

Kaidan had just sat down to take a closer look at the datapad Anderson had given him with information about the Normandy and the crew listing when there was a knock at the door.

"It's open!" Kaidan called not bothering to look up from the datapad.

"Hey, Alenko, let's grab something decent to eat and talk about my new baby!" Joker stood in the doorway grinning. "Evans and Lewis are coming along, so we can brag about getting to serve on the newest Alliance frigate to them. Of course , I get to do more bragging - I'm the pilot, after all."

"Of course," Kaidan answered mockingly. "I'm only HoMD."

"Right in one, Alenko. Me - best fucking Alliance pilot flying the best fucking Alliance vessel," Joker pointed at himself. "You - ground pounder." Joker pointed at Kaidan.

Kaidan snorted. "At least I get to hit the ground with one of the best."

"Yeah..." His friend's gaze was almost wistful. "In all those vids about the Blitz she looks pretty hot."

"It was probably the blonde hair that did it to you, eh?" Kaidan shook his head, grinning. He knew very well of Joker's weakness for blonde women. It was an old joke between them. Then with a more serious expression he asked his friend: "Do you want to go out with your crutches or should we stop by your place for your wheelchair?"

"If we don't go to far the crutches ought to be fine." The pilot waved his hand dismissively.

"If you say so. Let's head out to Joe's."

"Joe's? You and your biotic metabolism. Is food the only thing you think of?" Joker rolled his eyes.

"No, that new Logic Arrest omnitool has been on my mind quite a bit as well. That thing has really impressive stats. And you were the one suggesting we grab something decent to eat, just in case you forgot. Let's get going, I'm kinda hungry."

"You're always hungry, Alenko," Joker remarked. They slowly headed down the hall where they saw the other two already waiting.

A short while later the four Alliance soldiers found themselves at Joe's Hideout. It was popular with soldiers as it offered good food at a very affordable price and was close enough to the Alliance barracks that you could go there even if you were running low on time, so it was pretty full when they got there. Actually, it was packed. There wasn't a vacant table to be seen. Kaidan frowned. He had been looking forward to Joe's steak sandwich, which Kaidan thought ranked right up there with his mom's.

"Maybe this wasn't the best idea," Evans mentioned.

"Blame Alenko. He's thinking with his stomach again," Joker responded. "I would've suggested heading out to 8 Ball, you know, have some drinks, play some pool. Grab something to eat on the way. But as soon as I say the words grab something to eat Stomach-on-legs here says _Let's head out to Joe's_. I always wonder how he manages to get through a shift."

Evans snickered, "Yeah, that sounds just about right."

Kaidan sighed. He and Evans had gone through basic together and become good friends. It seemed that he always made friends with people that liked to make fun of his biotics induced appetite. Strange, come to think of it, I don't have any biotic friends. Funny that never occurred to me before, Kaidan thought.

"You guys suck. Best friends my ass," Kaidan responded in mock disdain. "And you said grab something decent to eat. Big difference, that."

"Maybe we could ask that chick in the corner if we could sit at her table." Lewis jutted his chin towards a table close to the bar. A lone female soldier in unadorned BDUs sat there at a table large enough for all of them eating a burrito and reading at the same time. They looked at each other and shrugged. It was worth a shot.

When they arrived at the table the woman didn't even look up. Her hair fell in dark brown curls atop her shoulders.

"Uh, ma'am. Do you mind if we..." Kaidan started but the woman just gestured for them to sit down without bothering to look up from her book. "Go ahead." Completely unfazed she continued eating as if she were alone. The four men on the other hand weren't completely at ease. Kaidan felt reluctant to talk about his new assignment and apparently Joker felt the same since he refrained from bragging to the other two. They ordered their food and let Evans and Lewis do the talking. Evans and Lewis were both engineers. Inevitably, the talk quickly turned to tech.

They had just gotten their drinks when a civilian that had been at the bar with a small group of people strode towards their table purposefully.

"Nick, you gonna be done here soon? Ya know, the idea of going out with friends is going out with your friends, not sitting by yourself reading. Coulda done that at your quarters! Whatcha reading anyway?" The civilian glared at the woman. She took another bite of her burrito and turned a page in her book. An actual book, not a datapad, Kaidan thought. Not many people do that anymore. The guy rolled his eyes.

"Nick? Hellooo? Nickie?" he asked again, waving a hand in front of her eyes.

"Lord of the Rings," she answered between bites.

"Lord of the Rings? Seriously? Lord of the fucking Rings? C'mon, you've read that how often already? Twenty times? Put the friggin' book down and move your ass over to the bar." He pointed over to a group of four or five other people. Nick sighed. She still hadn't looked up.

"Matt, I love you like a brother, but if you don't let me finish my chapter I will have to kill you," She said quietly, barely more than whisper. Nonetheless, there was a chill to these softly spoken words. It sounded almost like a promise.

"And which chapter is that?" the guy called Matt asked, sounding slightly exasparated and ignoring the warning tone in her voice.

"Helm's Deep. And my count is currently 42," came the solemn answer.

Matt rolled his eyes again. "Nickie...There are quite a few witnesses here. So, how do you plan on killing me if I don't let you finish reading? Or eating? And anyway, nobody and I mean nobody reads the same book forty-two times!" He glanced at the burrito which was almost three quarters gone. For the first time now Nick raised her head. Her blue eyes piercing into her friends'.

"If you don't let me finish this goddamn chapter I'm gonna put a fuckin' bullet through your motherfuckin' head. And I read books as often as I want!" There was no humor in her voice. The four marines at the table exchanged looks. Her tone of voice was hard, the tone of an officer telling a subordinate off for something. It clearly said don't bullshit me. Matt just raised an eyebrow.

"That so?" He obviously wasn't intimidated.

Instead of answering Nick pulled out a state-of-the-art pistol - a Harpy? Kaidan thought. Those aren't easy to come by- as well as a powerful shotgun - a Solokhov, if he had seen correctly, both heavily modded, and put them on the table. Somebody sure liked to pack a punch.A shout from behind the bar reached them:

"Veronika! Get those guns off the table this instant!" Obviously Joe, the proprietor, was on a first name basis with the female soldier.

She scowled but followed suit and holstered the guns.

"Maybe I'll just shoot you Han-Solo-style. You know, under the table, like he does in Mos Eisley. Anyway, the sooner you bug off the sooner I'll be done. So shoo." Nick waved a hand at him in a clearly dismissive manner and turned her attention back to her beloved book. Matt shook his head and threw up his hands in defeat.

"Ok, fine. You win, Nick. As usual. Stubborn woman. Just...come over when you're done. Trev, Becka, Chris and I really miss you. It's not like the five of us are in the same area that often anymore." He turned and left. Nick muttered something incoherent under her breath before continuing eating.

Meanwhile Kaidan and the others had also gotten their food. Kaidan was just going to take a bite of his steak sandwich as he noticed Nick looking at him. Or the sandwich. He wasn't quite sure. She, on the other hand, found herself looking into amber eyes that made her insides squirm. Who was this guy? _Obviously Alliance, dumbass. He is wearing a uniform after all._ She struggled to regain her composure and hoped nobody noticed.

"Looks good, Staff Lieutenant," Nick said with a quick glance at his rank insignia.

"It is good, ma'am" Kaidan replied. He didn't know which rank she held, but she sounded like someone used to giving orders,so he figured better to be safe than sorry and address her with ma'am. You couldn't go wrong with that.

"Uh-huh." She raised her eyebrows.

"Wanna try a bite?" Kaidan offered jestingly. _Did I really just ask that? Hell, I don't even_ know _her_! The others were just as surprised. Kaidan was often reserved until he knew people better. There weren't many people he was relaxed around. Offering a practically unknown woman some of his food was unusual. Her reaction surprised them even more. She carefully put down her book and her fork, wiped off her hands, took the sandwich in her hands, turned it until she found a spot with plenty of meat, cheese and sauce and bit into it heartily. She closed her eyes.

"Mmh-hmm." She chewed, swallowed and looked at Kaidan with a grin. "Pretty good but not as tasty as my burrito! It needs more hot sauce for one thing."

"What? You can't be serious. Your burrito doesn't even have meat in it! And a steak sandwich trumps almost anything." _What am I doing_ , he wondered. _Is this a new line of flirting?_

"Don't go bashing my bean and cheese burrito, lieutenant!" She winked at him waving a forkful of said burrito in front of his face, "At least not without having tried some. But beware, I like my food spicy!"

He gave her an uncertain look. Was she really offering him some of her burrito? With an expectant expression on her face she nodded her head, so he took the fork she was offering and put it in his mouth. It was good, he had to admit that. He could feel Joker and the other two staring at them open-mouthed. Now he was trading food with a woman he had known for half an hour tops. What the heck was going on? This was not his usual self.

"Not bad. Still prefer my steak sandwich, though." He gave the fork back with a lop-sided smile. Her breath hitched. _What the hell was she doing?_ She quickly regained her composure.

"We'll just have to agree to disagree on that," she laughed and stuffed the last big bite of the burrito in her mouth. Kaidan gave her another look and then resumed eating his sandwich. He caught Jokers' eye and shrugged his shoulders. Every once in a while he glanced over to the woman - Nick - and took in her appearance. She couldn't be very tall. Hell, he wasn't that tall but even sitting down he was quite a bit taller than she was. Brown hair with a reddish tint, almost the color of ripe chestnuts and blueish grey eyes. A pale complexion, several freckles dusting her nose. For some reason he felt himself drawn to her. It was odd.

Joe came over to the table to take away Nick's empty plate. "You want your usual desert?"

"Hell, yeah!" came the emphatic answer.

He nodded and disappeared in the kitchen only to reappear shortly afterwards with a large bowl of mint-chocolate chip ice cream with hot fudge sauce in one hand and a plate with brownies in the other.

"The brownies just came out of the oven. Might wanna eat the ice cream first," he said as he put both in front of Nick. She was practically beaming as she rubbed her hands. She took a spoonful of ice cream and screwed up her eyes in ecstasy. Then she took a spoonful of warm brownie together with ice cream and fudge sauce.

"This is better than sex! Almost." Apparently she hadn't planned on saying it because when she heard the choking sounds of the four marines sharing her table she blushed and asked: "Did I just say that out loud?"

They simply nodded, unable to talk.

"Oh fuck. Sorry. I think." She winked at Kaidan again. She seemed to want to say something else when they heard a short tune being whistled. She looked over to where her friends were standing and saw Matt tilt his her ever so slightly toward the entrance. Suddenly her whole demeanor changed. Her relaxed posture was replaced by watchfulness. She kept on looking towards the entrance and started chewing her lower lip. There were a few people standing there, but they looked ordinary enough. Kaidan figured it must be someone she really didn't like. Joker and Evans started to turn around to get a look as well.

"Don't turn around!" she hissed at them. Then, in a slightly calmer tone: "Please, don't draw their attention this way. Thanks!" She slid deeper into her chair with an almost desperate expression on her face. Whoever it was, it was more than obvious she didn't want to encounter them.

"Shitshitshit. I gotta get outta here!" She threw a desperate glance at her desert and then at her book. Her dilemma was clear. She couldn't carry everything at once. She pushed the plate with the brownies towards Kaidan.

"Can't carry everything and I'm not sharing my ice cream," was her explanation. She checked her weapons, took her book into one hand and the ice cream bowl in the other. Then she slid off her seat and crouched next to the table. "Lieutenants, it was nice meeting you guys. Gotta go!" And with that she hid behind the bar only to disappear into the kitchen after a very short conversation with Joe.

Joker looked at Kaidan with raised eyebrows.

"What the heck was that, Alenko? I have never ever seen you offer some of your food to anyone! I mean, whoa. She must've liked it though. Way to go!" Joker grinned, giving him a thumbs up.

"Looks like Kaidan found a new way to get a chick to take notice of him," Lewis teased, slapping him on the back. "Or maybe we should say finally a woman Alenko takes notice of. The ladies often seem inclined enough."

"Yeah, yeah! You guys laugh it up. I have no idea why I offered her some of my sandwich - or what happened after that. Anyway, how long are you guys gonna be here on Arcturus? Joker and I are both shipping out tomorrow morning." Kaidan tried to deflect the attention his friends were giving him as he felt the heat of a blush creeping up his cheeks. Luckily Joker took the bait even if Kaidan was sure it was more because he could finally brag about the Normandy than actually letting Kaidan off the hook.

"We sure are!" Joker said, "On the newest Alliance frigate under the command of Captain Anderson no less. You guys heard of the Normandy? The new state of the art stealth and reconnaissance vessel? Well, that's us. Her shakedown run starts tomorrow in my capable hands. Oh yeah, and our XO is nobody less than the Hero of the Blitz. Alenko here is the one that gets to put his ass in line of fire groundside with her..."

"No way!" Evans stared at them, "I applied for the Normandy when they started putting together the crew! When did you guys apply?"

Lewis just nodded and said: "Yeah, same here! And your XO is really Shepard? I've heard she's supposed to be a no-nonsense hardass. But in those vids she sure looks hot."

Joker grinned. "I hijacked the Normandy, flew her around the test course with a fighter patrol hanging at my six and when I landed her this Turian General said that if I didn't fly the Normandy it would, ah how did he put it? Oh yeah, it would "not be beneficial for Human-Turian relations". And Anderson agreed with him. So, here I am, proud helmsman of the most advanced Alliance vessel."

"You're shitting us, Joker. Who is supposed to believe that?" Lewis shook his head in disbelief.

"I shit you not, Lewis. I am sure the Alliance has the facts filed away somewhere. Check the extranet!" Joker looked immensely smug. Everybody turned their head towards Kaidan.

"I didn't apply," Kaidan said matter-of-factly and gave a small shrug.

"Wait, what? You didn't apply?" Evans stared at him.

  
"No. My old CO told me Anderson requested me."

  
"You lucky sonofabitch!" Evans and Lewis both shook their heads. They continued talking for a while yet. About new assignments, where to spend the next shore leave, omnitools, weapon mods. Kaidan found his mind wandering back to Nick constantly, though. _Maybe I should have asked her for her address?_ Well, it was too late now and it was unlikely they would see each other again anytime soon, if at all.

* * *

The next morning at 0700 Kaidan stepped aboard the SSV Normandy for the first time. He had loitered in the docking area for a while before boarding, just drinking in the moment. The hustle and bustle around the ship preparing her for her shakedown run. Provisions being stocked. The sleek, slender form of the hull. Joker hadn't exaggerated, she was a beauty. Excitement flowed through his veins as if this were his very first assignment.

"Staff Lieutenant Kaidan Alenko requesting permission to come aboard," he firmly stated the request customary.

"Permission granted," Anderson's answer came promptly.

As soon as he stepped out of the decontamination chamber he found himself face to face with Captain Anderson.

"Staff Lieutenant Alenko reporting for duty!" he saluted smartly.

"At ease, Lieutenant. Welcome aboard the Normandy. Get settled in and then take up station in the cockpit. You will be co-piloting. Mission debrief at 0800 in the comm room."

Kaidan waved to Joker in the cockpit and then walked on through the CIC, heading for the lower deck to the elevator. The layout was a little bit different from a standard Alliance frigate but it shouldn't take too long getting used to. After all, she wasn't that big. He would have liked to have a look at the Tantalus drive core and talk to Engineer Adams, but that would have to wait. Kaidan went to the lockers and squared away his equipment. Before assuming his station he checked the sleeping pods to see who he had to hot bunk with only to find out he was the lucky owner of a pod of his own. Well, that's a pleasant surprise, he thought. The perks of being an officer.

"Morning! How long have you been here?" he asked Joker as soon as he stepped into the cockpit. He sat down on the co-pilot seat and powered up his terminal.

"0630. They wouldn't let me aboard any earlier. Maintenance wasn't done yet." Joker let out a huff of indignation. "Why did you wait so long to come aboard? I saw you standing outside gawking for at least ten minutes."

Kaidan shrugged. "I...dunno. Just wanted to get a good look at our girl here, I guess. I think I must've pinched myself at least a half a dozen times since yesterday. I mean, I feel like in a dream. I have absolutely no idea what I did to get a commission here." There was a beep from his terminal signaling it was online. He immediately began working on the pre-take off check list.

"Yeah, our girl is a beauty. And we're gonna pop her cherry in style!" Joker turned in his seat, grinning at Kaidan who winced at his friends choice of words. Joker picked it up right away and teased him: "Jeez, Alenko! You're a marine! How did you manage all these years in the Alliance if a phrase like that bothers you?"

"Probably because my mother would wash out my mouth with soap if she heard me talking like that. She wouldn't care about the fact that I'm a 31-year-old marine with almost ten years of service. You know my mom, she can be more intimidating than the whole Alliance brass."

"True, I'll give you that." Joker nodded sagely.

They continued bantering for a while when Joker suddenly whispered: "No way, I don't believe it! Alenko, look outside."

Kaidan lifted his head and looked at the monitor showing a visual of the docking area and decon. There, heading into decon was none other than the female marine that had shared their table at Joe's. She was wearing sunglasses and carrying two boxes along with her gear. One looked like a pizza box and the other was from a bakery if he wasn't mistaken.

"There's only one person that hasn't reported in yet," Joker whispered. "And that's the XO."

"God, are you saying that's Lieutenant Commander Shepard?!" Kaidan was aghast. As if to emphasize the moment the ships V.I. stated: "XO Shepard is aboard."

"I thought she was blonde!" Joker exclaimed.

"Joker, shoot me. This is kinda embarrassing." Kaidan could feel himself blushing. He wished a hole in the ground would open and swallow him.

Joker's response was cut short as they heard the Captain greet Shepard.

"Commander, welcome aboard."

"Oh, come on! I'm not on duty yet, Uncle Dave. I've got, ah, twenty more minutes of shore leave. So I'm gonna head to the mess, eat my breakfast and be ready for the mission debrief at 0800. See ya then!" Nick Shepard trudged on without waiting for an answer.

"Are you drunk, Shepard?" Anderson asked sharply, frowning at her. "You know you're not supposed to call me that on duty or in official space."

"Nope, just fucking tired and hungry. Hadn't planned on it, but ended up pulling an all-nighter with the gang. Look on the bright side, at least you didn't have to bail me out of jail this time."

"You should be glad it was me and not your mother or father that bailed you out last time."

"Oh, believe me, I am! They would've thrown me straight back into the brig. And now I need some chow." With that she walked on.

Kaidan and Joker looked at each other.

_Uncle Dave? Bail the commander out of jail? This was the Hero of the Blitz? The Alliance poster girl?_

Sure, her behavior the evening before was, well, odd. Kaidan couldn't come up with a better word to describe it. Cool and distanced to who was apparently an old friend, then almost flirtatious with him and finally nervous. Joker's only comment again, almost to a point of whining, was: "And I thought the Hero of the Blitz was blonde."

Kaidan just shook his head in disbelief.

* * *

Twenty minutes later all officers were to be debriefed in the com room. And at 0759 all except Shepard were present. Anderson shook his head and sighed. Nick was an excellent soldier, but every now and then she felt compelled to rebel. Often just with little things, like calling him "Uncle Dave" in front of subordinates just to make an entrance. Sometimes bigger things such as full grown bar brawls. The last bar brawl had been after Akuze. She had gone out on a pub crawl with her regular crowd, her "gang", and they had gotten completely shitfaced. In the course of the night somebody had gotten smart with her and she had punched the guy in the gut, commencing what she later referred to as "an epic bar brawl". He had to admit, he was surprised that he hadn't had to bail her out of jail again since then. She had been in line ever since that epic bar brawl and he was almost expecting her to blow the top again anytime. Maybe, just maybe, she had learned that using fists wasn't always the solution.

At 0800 sharp she stepped into the comm room. Her uniform immaculate, shoulders straight, not slouching like twenty minutes earlier. As soon as she entered the room she ripped off a textbook salute. Her eyes, though tired, were clear and showed no sign of intoxication.

"Lieutenant-Commander Shepard reporting for duty!" Her voice was crisp, the slight slurring from before was gone. She was now in her Shepard-on-duty-mode and it was a good thing, too, because she had just spotted two of the marines from the previous evening and one of them was the guy she had flirted with. Of course, she groaned inwardly. I meet this cute dude and he just has to serve on the same ship as I do and be my subordinate. _Shit_.

"At ease, Commander. Did you find the time to read the personnel records I gave you yesterday?"

"Not all of them, sir. I hadn't planned on last night going quite the way it did. Some friends ambushed me and I didn't make it back to the N7 barracks until almost 0630 this morning and then things got kind of rushed."

"In that case, let me introduce you. This is Navigator Pressley."

"I read your file, Pressley. You were on the SSV Agincourt during the Blitz? If I remember right she was one of the first to arrive." She shook the older man's hand.

"Thank you, Commander. It would have been to no avail if you hadn't held out as long as you did."

Next she talked to Engineer Adams. Then she came to the first marine from last night. A Flight Lieutenant.

"This is our pilot. Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau," Anderson said.

"Just call me Joker, ma'am," the pilot saluted gingerly. She raised her eyebrows but said nothing. Pilots were a testy bunch and over-confidence was a common trait. On the other hand he must be good, otherwise he wouldn't have been picked to man the helm of the Normandy. Last to be introduced was the dark-haired Lieutenant with the steak sandwich. She involuntarily held her breath.

"And this is Staff Lieutenant Alenko, head of marine detail. You two will be working together a good deal, coordinating groundside missions and so forth. I suggest you get acquainted as soon as possible."

"Ma'am." Kaidan saluted smartly. He didn't trust himself to say much more. Luckily she just returned his salute just as crisply. She extended her hand and as soon as he touched it there was a crackle of biotic energy. They both flinched slightly. "Uh, sorry, ma'am. I should've mentioned I'm a biotic. Sometimes we discharge dark energy upon contact from the static our implants build up. It happens more often when under stress. Or when we're hungry."

"Not a problem, Alenko. I've worked with biotics before. If I had taken the time to read the personell files the captain gave me I would've been prepared. And all the biotics I've known so far were always hungry." She gave him a quick smile before turning her attention back to Anderson. Kaidan couldn't help but smile back and she felt her gut flip. _Shit, now is not the time!_

"Good, now that that is done let me fill you in," Anderson said. "Our destination is Eden Prime. Before we head there though we will be picking up a guest. Nihlus Kryik is a SpecTRe who will be accompanying us. That is all for now. Dismissed."

Kaidan and Joker went back to cockpit to resume their stations. They ran the last set of diagnostics before Joker radioed the Captain to let him know they were ready and able. A few minutes later Anderson and Shepard walked into the cockpit, taking up positions to the left and right behind Joker's chair.

"Joker, take us aweigh," Anderson commanded in a quiet tone.

"Aye, aye." Joker's hands flew over his console. The docking clamps disengaged and the Normandy was officially on her first assignment. "We are secure and aweigh."

Neither Anderson nor Shepard moved. It was only a few minutes from Arcturus station to the Arcturus Prime relay. They were waiting for Joker to begin the approach run to the mass relay.

"Board is green, approach run has begun. Hitting relay in 3...2...1... ETA twenty hours."

"Very good. Commander, a word please." Anderson turned and left the cockpit, not waiting for Shepard to follow.

"Shit. Wonder which dressing down I'm up for this time," Shepard grumbled quietly before leaving as well.

Joker and Kaidan shared a glance but both remained silent. Kaidan couldn't beat down the feeling that this shakedown run was something more, the fact that a SpecTRe would be along for the ride enhancing it yet. It sure as hell smelled of politics, but Kaidan wouldn't admit that just yet. Apart from that, the Commander seemed like a very intruiging person. He struggled not to turn around and watch her walk back towards the CIC. He turned his head just far enough to see Joker grinning at him.

_Shit._


	2. Eden Prime

Shepard was increasingly annoyed. Ever since they had picked up Nihlus he was following her like a shadow. And being almost certain that both Anderson and Nihlus were holding back information concerning Normandy's shakedown run did nothing to improve her mood. Now, she finally had a few minutes to herself. The mess was blessedly empty. It was early and only the night shift was at their stations. She started rummaging for something to eat.

"G'morning, ma'am." Nick nearly jumped out of her skin when she unexpectedly heard the husky voice of Staff Lieutenant Alenko behind her. She turned around to look at the lieutenant. He was wearing Alliance issue sweat pants and T-shirt and had clearly just gotten up, his hair still tousled from sleeping. He had a towel over his shoulder and a shaving kit in one hand. Before she had answered he passed her heading for the showers.

"Good morning, Lieutenant," she said to empty space, shaking her head. She was surprised he had said anything at all. The crew had quickly learned that Kaidan showed a blatant disregard for his surroundings until after his first coffee and seldom said anything until after his second. Shepard had witnessed several close calls the past few days and Alenko seemed completely oblivious of the shear number of almost accidents on his behalf. She found it...cute. She also had suppress the butterflies that had started fluttering in her stomach as soon as she heard his voice. And she wasn't staring after him either, no way. She would have to deal with listening to his voice soon enough. They went through the crew roster and supply list together everyday. The past few days they had been coordinating combat sims. It wasn't that she didn't want to hear his voice. Quite the contrary. She took a deep breath and muttered, "You're not going there, Shepard!"

"Not going where, commander?" Anderson's voice startled her out of her reverie concerning the lieutenant.

She closed her eyes for a swift moment before turning around to face her CO.

"Good morning, sir. Just...thinking about things," she finished lamely. She felt like squirming under Anderson's scrutiny. Hopefully he just thought her mind had wandered to the Blitz. Or Akuze. Or anything other than her increasingly improper thoughts of the lieutenant.

"Have you eaten, Shepard?" he gave her a sharp look. "We will be reaching Eden Prime today and I want you fit for a long days work."

"Sir? What is it you haven't been telling me? I mean, a blind man can see that something is up." she ventured not answering his question.

"All in due time," was the cryptic response.

Nick felt her temper rising. She was sick and tired of being held out of the loop and she was absolutely sure that was the case. She was just about to give an angry remark when Alenko came back, now dressed properly in his ACUs, but obviously making a beeline for the coffee machine. As soon as he had his coffee Kaidan joined his commanding officers, datapad in hand.

"Lieutenant, Commander. I will leave you to coordinate todays routine. We should arrive at Eden Prime around 1100, so I suggest running at least two more sims. There is always room for improvement. Commander, you will chose the simulations and inform me as soon as we are ready to commence." With that Anderson nodded at them and headed to his office.

It was still surprisingly quiet. Several crew members passed them but they all either seemed to be heading straight to their duty stations or, as Kaidan had before, to the showers. They sat for a moment in silence before Kaidan cleared his throat.

"Uh, ma'am, I wanted to apologize to you yet."

She gave him a look of surprise. "Apologize? What for? The sims aren't perfect yet, but you've spent a lot of time on the diagnostics and results are improving. Everything is fine, Lieutenant."

"That's not what I meant, ma'am. I wanted to apologize for being so forward back on Arcturus." God, was he glad he had finally worked up the courage to say something about that.

"Refresh my memory, Lieutenant, but I am pretty sure I made the first move. Do you think I should apologize to you?" She gazed steadily at him.

"No, ma'am!" he shook his head.

"Well there you go, Alenko. You didn't do anything wrong." _Actually, once the ball was in your court you played along pretty well_ , she thought. "There is one thing, though."

"Ma'am?" he sounded slightly worried.

"Please, _please_ stop calling me ma'am. I always feel like my mother is standing behind me then. Commander is fine, or better yet just plain Shepard. But at any rate cut the ma'am crap. Got it?"

"Yes ma...Commander."

"That was close. I guess we should get to work soon otherwise the captain will have our hide."

"Sure thing, Commander. Can I just ask one more thing?"

"Shoot, Lieutenant."

"Back on Arcturus, uh, why did you sneak out through the kitchen like that?" Shepard remained silent for a minute and Kaidan feared he had crossed some sort of line. "Sorry, Commander, it's none of my business. Forget I said anything."

He felt relief washing over him when she laughed quietly.

"Relax! I don't know if you recall any of the people standing around the entrance, but at least two of them were press. One of them was Khalisah bint Sinan Al-Jilani, Westerlund news, my very _personal friend._ " The emphasis put on the two last words indicated the exact opposite. " That bitch has been trying to drag my name through the mud since Akuze. I am highly allergic to the press and she tends to bring out the worst in me," she sheepishly admitted. "So, I decided to run for it."

"I figured it was someone you didn't like, I hadn't considered the press, though."

"They're a royal pain in the ass. Okay, Lieutenant, enough lollygagging. Let's get cracking."

* * *

Several hours later they had completed not two but three more sims. The first two had worked just fine - but the third? Kaidan had never worked through such a difficult simulation before and the way the crew was groaning neither had they. After the third sim had run the fourth time, ending again in the flashing red lights that indicated they were dead, Anderson finally called it quits and, with a summoning wave of his hand towards the commander, headed for his office. Joker had thrown his hands in the air with a clearly flustered "Goddamnit!" while Kaidan had felt more like banging his head on his console. That was now more than half an hour ago and they were only about forty minutes out from Eden Prime and neither the Captain nor the Commander had left the Captain's office. Oddly, Nihlus was also with them.

Ten minutes later the Turian entered the cockpit and took up his usual place before hitting a relay, followed shortly after by a solemn looking Lieutenant Commander.

"The Arcturus Prime Relay is in range." Joker punched in a command. "Initiating transmission sequence...We are connected, calculating transit mass and destination. The relay is hot, acquiring approach vector. All stations secure for transit...The board is green, approach run has begun. Hitting the relay in 3...2...1...Thrusters - check, navigation - check, Internal emission sink engaged. All systems online. Drift...just under 1500k." He leaned back slightly.

"1500 is good," Nihlus noted. "The captain will be pleased." The Spectre turned and left.

"I hate that guy!" Joker muttered annoyed.

Kaidan looked at him with a shake of his head. "Nihlus gave you a compliment so you hate him?"

"Remember to zip up your jump suit on your way out of the bathroom? That's good. I just jumped us halfway across the galaxy to hit a target the size of a pinhead - so that's incredible. Besides," Joker snorted, "Spectres are trouble. I don't like having 'em on board. Call me paranoid."

"You're paranoid." Kaidan looked over to his friend. "The Council helped fund this project. They have a right to send someone to keep an eye on their investment." At least, that was what Kaidan was trying to convince himself of. With little success. Deep down he was afraid Joker was actually right.

"Yeah, that's the official story, but only an idiot believes the official story," Joker shot back.

Shepard decided to interrupt. She would have liked to agree with Alenko but everything just felt...wrong. She had this niggling sensation she had had before that disastrous shore leave on Elysium and also before heading out to Akuze. Her gut told her something about this mission was about to go horribly sideways.

"You don't send Spectres on shakedown runs."

"So there's more going on here than the Captain's..." Joker's retort was cut short by Anderson over the com.

"Joker! Status report!"

Joker gave the Captain the update, not without mentioning Nihlus was on his way.

"He's already here, Lieutenant." Anderson did not sound amused. "Tell Commander Shepard to meet me in the comm room for a debriefing."

"You get that, Commander?" Joker asked.

"Great." Nick rolled her eyes, "you piss the captain off and now I have to pay for it!" She turned and walked towards the CIC, making her way to the comm room. She heard Joker say "The Captain always sounds like that!" and Kaidan's response "Only when he's talking to you, Joker" and she almost felt like laughing.

* * *

In the CIC she overheard Pressley arguing with Adams about the mission. Pressley also felt like something was off-key. She couldn't help thinking it was more because of his xenophobic attitude than anything else, but maybe she was not being fair. Then she ran into Corporal Jenkins, a young marine itching for his first action, and Dr. Chakwas. She tried to convince the corporal that he should treat it like any other assignment, assuring him that as long as he followed her orders everything would be fine, but his only comment was, "We all know what you can do! You proved yourself twice, during the Blitz and on Akuze!"

Nick froze. She wasn't proud of Elysium, or much more the hype that had ensued afterwards, and she sure as heck wasn't proud about Akuze. That mission had been a TARFU if there ever was one. Something in her demeanor must have gotten through to him because he suddenly backpaddled, insisting he didn't mean to be disrespectful. Biting back a harsh reply she replied as calmly as she could muster, "I got lucky on Elysium and really lucky on Akuze. I try not thinking of either, especially Akuze. Fifty marines died there, Corporal, _fifty_."

Jenkins paled. Maybe her tone had been colder than anticipated. The doctor intervened and Shepard shot her a thankful glance. It gave her the time to regain her bearings.

"Jenkins, you are young and have plenty of time yet. Don't go looking for action, it might come back and bite you in the ass. You're a marine, action usually finds us. Believe me, I know what I'm talking about." She smiled at the corporal and then, snapping her fingers as if it had just crossed her mind, she added: "Oh, and when I say _Don't go looking for action_ that also includes letting the Lieutenant biotically throw you through the room. Luckily, the Lieutenant has a solid control over his biotics. Otherwise that's an easy way to get injured. Doctor, Corporal."

She continued her way to the comm room only to find Nihlus there instead of Anderson. She frowned. Nihlus turns around to face her after she has barely taken two steps into the room. "Shepard. I hoped you'd get here first."

"Why's that? Where's Anderson? He said he wanted to meet me here," she asked warily.

"He's on his way. I wondered what you knew about Eden Prime. Humans consider it a paradise, I believe."

"I wouldn't know, never been there. And anyway, I'm a marine, not some tourist on vacation," she very nearly snapped at him.

"That may be. You can't deny it is special to human kind."

"If you've got something to say, say it. Or are you trying to scare me, Spectre?" Nick crossed her arms in front of her body, scowling at him. _What was he getting at?_   She felt her always fiery temper rising.

Before he could answer the door slid open and Anderson entered the room. "Maybe we should tell the Commander what's going on."

"That would be fan- _fuck_ -tastic. Sir." Shepard couldn't keep the sarcasm out of her voice, earning a silent reprimand from her captain. It was a stern glare she had known for many years, one she also knew from her parents, saying Watch your tone, young lady. She bit her tongue, listening as the Captain and the Spectre filled her in on the true mission objective. A covert pick-up. When they told her however that Nihlus was also there to evaluate her for the SPecTRes she couldn't hold her tongue any longer. "Guess that explains why he's there everytime I turn around."

Anderson closed his eyes, but Nihlus continued: "You showed resourcefulness on Elysium and the will to survive on Akuze, both extremely useful traits. They are part of the reason I put your name forward for the SPecTRes."

"Wait, you put my name forward?" she looked at the Turian, eyes widening. He just nodded. She shut her mouth again, processing the information. _Her, a Spectre? Holy hell..._ She closed her eyes briefly and then focused on getting as much information as possible on the Prothean beacon.

"Sir, we got a problem. Incoming transmission from Eden Prime, you better see this!" Joker's voice interrupted them.

"Bring it up on the screen, Joker," Anderson commanded.

"Aye-aye."

What they saw now was nothing short of unexpected and shocking. Marines under attack and obviously not on the winning side. The short ack-ack-ack of assault rifles filling the air. The most disturbing thing was a...ship? of enormous size and unknown origin.

"Joker, what's our ETA?" Anderson inquired.

"Seventeen minutes out, sir," came the prompt reply.

"Take us in, fast and quiet. This mission just got a whole lot more complicated." Anderson turned to Nick, "Shepard, tell Alenko and Jenkins to suit up. You're going in hot."

She saluted and went to ready her ground team. I knew it, she groaned inwardly, I just knew it. Just once I would like to go on a simple mission. Go in, complete mission, head out, done. Just once.

Jenkins was still standing in the CIC.

"Corporal, we're going ground-side. You have five minutes to get down to the cargo hold. And tell Alenko to suit up as well. Double-time it, marine!" she barked at him. Jenkins shot towards the cockpit, nearly stumbling over his own feet trying to obey his commanders orders as fast as possible. Meanwhile Nick headed to her locker.

Kaidan was surprised when Jenkins barged into the cockpit, breathless with excitement. "Lieutenant, we're going ground-side! The Commander said to be in the cargo hold in five minutes to suit up!"

Kaidan jumped up and rushed down towards the cargo deck with the Corporal. When they arrived there Shepard was already busy pulling on her underarmor. She filled them in quickly as they dressed down to their skivvies and started pulling on their underarmor.

"We'll be dropping in a hot zone. The colony is under attack by unknown, so keep your eyes peeled! Our mission objective is the covert pick-up of a Prothean beacon." She watched as Alenko checked Jenkins armor, adjusting something before giving him a pat on the shoulder for the all clear, before she signaled Kaidan to turn around so she could do the same for him. Only minus the adjusting. She frowned at the Alliance issue light armor he was wearing, though. She preferred the medium or even the heavy armor. Finally she turned around, signaling Kaidan to inspect her armor. He did so quickly and professionally, patting her shoulder when he was done.

"Thanks, Lieutenant."

"Anytime, Commander," came the instant reply.

They had just finished readying their weapons when Anderson and Nihlus strode in. The captain again stated the mission objective and to Kaidan's inquiry what they should do in case of survivors the captain said "Helping survivors is a secondary objective! The beacon is your top priority. Nihlus will scout ahead and feed you with intel. Good luck!"

* * *

They had no sooner touched down in the drop zone when the acrid stench of burning flesh assaulted their noses. The sky was red as the sun shone through smoke and fumes, giving the atmosphere an eerie touch. Her skin crawled with anticipation and she shot a glance at her squad mates. Alenko was sweeping the area with his omnitool, completely focused on the task and promptly stating: "The area is clear, no hostiles!"

Jenkins on the other hand she would have to deal with now.

"Oh my God," Jenkins whispered, looking around shocked. This was his home colony, even if it wasn't his home settlement. "What happened here?"

"Focus, Corporal! You won't help them by standing there, gawking." Shepard's tone was commanding, but when Jenkins turned to face her there was understanding in her eyes that took away some of the harshness.

"Aye-aye," he choked out.

"Do you know your way around here, Corporal? Any possible short cuts?" Kaidan asked quietly. Shepard threw him an appreciative look.

"No, sir. I grew up about forty clicks from here."

"Well, then we just stick to our HUDs. Move out and stay sharp!" she motioned them to get going as she readied her sniper rifle.

They carefully picked their way down a stony path, meeting no living creatures apart from the native gas bags that had startled the lieutenant, resulting in an almost childish yelp from his side. Shepard turned her head to look at him with raised eyebrows and saw him blushing with embarrassment. Jenkins even laughed a little before telling them the gas bags were harmless. Shortly afterwards the laughter died on his lips as they stumbled across the first scorched corpses.

Proceeding with caution they finally came to a sharp bend in the path. Shepard raised her fist in the universal mnemonic for halt and scanned the area with her eyes. She couldn't see anything but the bad feeling in her gut was constantly growing. She looked over to Kaidan whose omnitool was glowing and after a quiet "All clear!" as his tool showed no hostiles she waved them forward, indicating to Jenkins to take point.

Afterwards she would always admonish herself for that decision. Within seconds the mission went from SNAFU to FUBAR. Almost instantly she felt like recalling her command but it was too late. They had no sooner left cover when they heard a high whizzing sound and found themselves in the crosshairs of some sort of recon drones. She realized with dread that while she and the Lieutenant had instantly dodged for cover Jenkins had frozen, feet rooted to the ground. Sharp bursts tore the air asunder as the drones fired at the Corporal, finding their target. He dropped. Shepard aimed but before she could pull the trigger on her target it exploded in an Overload sent by Kaidan. She raised her eyebrows. Impressive. Focusing on a new target she said: "Lieutenant, you take the one on the right!"

As soon as the recon drones were down Alenko tore out of cover running to the still form of the corporal lying on the ground. Shepard got up just a second later knowing instinctively before the lieutenant had run his medical diagnostics program that the corporal was either dead or gravely injured at the very least.

"Ripped right through his shields. Never had a chance." Kaidan got up, looking a little pale. They had been friends, Shepard recalled, looking down at the young marine. She hadn't known him well. He had seemed nice enough, though a little to overenthusiastic for her taste. Nonetheless she had to make sure her lieutenant stayed focused.

"I know you two were friends, but there is nothing we can do for him now. We have to finish the mission. Once the beacon is secure we will return for him and see to it that he gets a proper service." She looked straight at Kaidan, pointing her finger at him, "But right now I need you to keep focused!"

"Aye-aye, ma'am." There was nothing but determination in his eyes as he returned her gaze. She nodded, satisfied. He was a professional, the time for grief would come later.

As they continued their way slowly they encountered several recon drones yet. They were taken care of rather quickly as Kaidan had changed some parameters on his omnitool and it now gave them ample warning before the drones were in sight.

"How come your omnitool didn't show those drones that got Jenkins?" she asked as they crouched together behind a fair sized boulder.

"The frequency setting was wrong. It didn't recognize the drones as tangos because the frequency the drones emit was to low. All I did was change the frequency setting on the tool and uploaded the new setting onto my HUD. So, now they show up. Simple, really." Kaidan shrugged and then leaned out sending an Overload at a drone that had come within view. It exploded.

"Can you update the HUD in my suit as well?" she asked.

"Sure."

She activated her own omnitool and held her arm out to him. Kaidan's fingers practically flew over her display and a minute later he looked at her.

"All set, Commander."

"Well, I see your tech skills are impressive, Alenko. Let's see if that goes for your biotics as well." Shepard checked her omnitool and the new readings on her HUD. Everything looked clear. "Any tangos on your display?"

"Negative, Commander."

She nodded at him and they moved out again.

Soon they heard the sound of an assault rifle and the screeching bursts of an unknown weapon. It sounded similar to the particle bursts the recon drones shot with, but not quite the same. As they came over the top of a small incline they saw a female marine in a Phoenix armor trying to outrun some synthetics that were hot on her heels. Shepard flinched as she saw the marine stumble and fall, but she rolled around quickly and took out the closest pursuer. Then she sprang to her feet and ran full speed until she could take cover behind large boulder.

Two more synthetics approached the lone marine. Shepard dropped to her knee, bringing up her sniper rifle in one smooth movement. Exhale. Hold. Shoot. One down. Alenko had continued running down the hill to a smaller rock. As he slid to a halt he had his omnitool out already and Sabotaged the remaining hostile. It didn't explode, unfortunately by staggered on yet. Kaidan whipped out his pistol and shot it in the head. This time it did explode.

The air was clear for now and they made their way over to the marine in the Phoenix armor.

"God, am I glad to see you!" the woman exclaimed. "I'm Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams from the 212. Are you in charge here, ma'am?"

Nick introduced herself. "I'm Commander Shepard and this is Lieutenant Alenko. Are you hurt, marine?"

"Just some scrapes and burns, ma'am. The others weren't so lucky."

"Let Alenko have a look at your injuries and give me a sitrep." Shepard waved Kaidan over and he started running his medical diagnostics program as Williams began her report.

The Chief slowly started speaking, telling them about guarding the scientists and the beacon and that everything had been quiet until the previous night. Nothing had prepared them for the attack and now her whole platoon was decimated.

"Could some of the scientists still be alive?" Shepard inquired.

Ashley ran her hand over her face. "I don't know, ma'am."

Shepard remained silent for a moment. "You're with us now, Chief. Let's head for the dig site!"

At the dig site they met more synthetics. The Chief was certain they were geth but the Lieutenant was hesitant to believe that. After all the geth hadn't been outside the Veil in over two centuries. Shepard could understand his skepticism and yet she believed Williams was right. Alenko went over to one of the synthetics and started prying it apart. Leave it to a tech, Shepard thought exchanging a short glance with Ashley. The Chief rolled her eyes when Kaidan exclaimed: "My god, they really are geth!"

"That's what I said, LT." Ashley quirked.

Shepard had her eyes pinned on the metal spikes with the impaled bodies of the geth's victims. Without taking her eyes off them she turned her head ever so slightly towards Williams. "Chief, do you have any idea what these spikes are for?"

"No, ma'am. I'm pretty sure I saw these damn synthetics impaling one of my platoon on one of these things while he was still alive."

"Psychological warfare." Kaidan piped in.

Shepard frowned. Those spikes made her uneasy. "Just keeps your eyes on those things. They make me feel ..." her voice trailed off. She shook her head and proceeded up the path. The further they went the slower they became.

"This is a good spot for an ambush," Kaidan ventured. "Keep your guard up!"

Nick wholeheartedly agreed with him. To top it off the were a number of those spikes yet, too. As they came closer the spikes suddenly pulled down, releasing their impaled victims.

"Oh my god, they're still alive!" Kaidan voiced the horror they all felt. Nick pulled out her Solokhov, her sniper rifle definitely not being the right weapon for this close range. Kaidan had his pistol and Ashley stuck to her assault rifle. Those...things...husks, whatever, were damn fast.

"Lieutenant, I think it's time for some biotic magic!" Shepard shouted as she retreated from two husks closing in on her from two sides. Kaidan reacted promptly. He glowed blue and threw the last husks back. When one got up again Nick took it out with her shotgun. She wiped her brow and then turned to Kaidan, a grim expression on her face. "Alenko, you can't tell me that's as far as you can throw those things. I certainly hope you aren't holding back on purpose because now is not the bloody time for that! I don't know what your issue is with your biotics. You have these powers, then you bloody damn well use them. And no more holding back, have I made myself clear?"

"Crystal, ma'am." He sounded almost ashamed.

She shot him a short look. "Good. Let's find this damn beacon and get off of this bloody planet."

One of the pre-fabs by the site of the ambush was locked and after hacking their way in they encountered two scientists hiding there, one of which told them the beacon had been moved to a spaceport and the other was obviously out of his mind. Nick frowned at him as he ramble on about the closing darkness. Blah, blah, blah. Before she got to annoyed and punched the poor guy she ordered Ashley to take them to the spaceport.

A little further they found another locked pre-fab...and more geth.

"These things are starting to get really annoying," Nick grumbled.

After the Geth were taken care of they found three farmers hiding in the pre-fab. One of them accidentally let something about a smuggling ring slip. Shepard was holding onto her patience by her teeth and when they didn't want to come clean she whipped out her pistol and snarled, "Would you rather be a snitch or a corpse?"

"Powell! His name is Powell!" the terrified farmer cried out.

"No honor among thieves," Ashley smirked.

"Let's go." Shepard turned her back on the farmers and headed in the direction of the spaceport, wondering what else could possibly go wrong. And where Nihlus was, come to think of it. It had been too long since his last status report. The answer to her question followed shortly afterwards. They saw a body lying on the ground and as they got closer Kaidan was the first to say it out loud.

"Commander, it's Nihlus."

"What a complete and utter clusterfuck!" Shepard stared at the Turian Spectre who had supposed to evaluate her. "Looks like he was shot in the back of his head from close range, do you agree Alenko?"

Just then there was a sound from behind some crates. The three marines had their pistols ready instantly. A man emerged from behind the crates, clearly shaken. The man - Powell - told them that Nihlus been shot by another Turian, called Saren. They had talked, Nihlus had let his guard down obviously not expecting anything bad and Saren had shot him in the back of his head. Shepard asked a few more questions concerning the beacon before harmlessly stating, "You run a smuggling ring."

Powell looked taken aback and tried to worm his way out but Nick's temper was blazing. "Those grenades and mods could have saved lives today! Good marines died defending your sorry ass and you have the balls to tell me it's not bad when things go missing from military requisitions? You had better find a way to make amends!"

"Yes, of course!" he spluttered.

Nick grabbed him by his collar and, holding her pistol in his face, said in an icy tone, "Don't. Piss. Me. Off. I've had enough of your jerking me around!"

She was aware Alenko and Williams were not seeing her best side but people like Powell made her blood boil. She shot the poor man a disgusted look before motioning to Kaidan and Ashley to head for the tram station. She desperately had to calm down again and find her cool. Her temper was starting to interfere with her judgment. It made her reckless, she knew that. And it was dangerous for a soldier to be reckless. It could cost more lives than her own. She drew a few deep breaths. During combat she was controlled and efficient but as soon as the immediate danger had passed? The adrenaline in her veins made it hard for her to keep her temper in check then.

As they carefully rounded the next corner only to be facing even more Geth she couldn't help sarcastically thinking how very thoughtful the Geth were to offer her such an opportunity to regain focus. Shepard grinned as she took out a Geth with her sniper rifle, before quickly switching to her shot gun to deal with the two geth that had rounded to corner of the stairs. They dropped before she brought her shot gun up. Turning her head she saw Alenko and Williams with their guns drawn. Creeping to the corner of the stairs she peeked around. More geth. A lot of them. Two of them were...big. There was not much cover on the stairs, but there were plenty of crates on the walkway. Nodding at at Kaidan and Ashley she left cover, racing down the steps. She felt energy bursts from the geth rifles closing in on her as she dived behind a crate. Alenko and Williams were both crouched behind another crate.

She ventured a quick glance over the top of her crate and immediately let herself drop again. A shot buzzed over her head. Too close. It was one of the big geth and it seemed to be training on her. Suddenly the air crackled with static and as she peeked again she saw the geth flying through the air, enveloped in wisps of blue energy. She looked over to where Alenko and Williams had taken cover and sure enough, the Lieutenant was also covered in the telltale wisps of blue. This time there was no way he had held back. She would have to acknowledge that later.

After killing a number more geth they finally made it to the tram.

"The spaceport is just over there." Williams pointed out.

As Shepard got off of the tram her eyes fell on a device. A demolition charge. Great. She stopped dead in her tracks and called Kaidan without turning her head. As soon as he was close behind her she stepped to the side.

"Lieutenant, this is your area of expertise. Williams and I will give you cover."

Kaidan went straight to work. Luckily it was fairly simple and took him at most ten seconds to disarm. There were three more demolition charges to go yet. They raced up a ramp and across a bridge to the position of the next bomb. There were considerably more geth closing in on them. Kaidan couldn't worry about the geth. The Commander and Gunnery Chief Williams would take care of them. His job was disarming the bomb. This demolition charge was rigged in a more complicated way. Thirty seconds later he got up and headed towards the third bomb, biotically throwing several geth with a flick of his wrist. When he reached the third bomb the geth resistance had increased even more and Shepard and Williams had plenty to do. It was rigged like the first one and he quickly had it done. He quickly noticed they were pinned down once he looked up from the bomb. Overloading one geth and sabotaging another he added his effort to Shepard's and William's. As soon as all hostiles were down he raced to the last demolition charge. He frowned. It was rigged differently again and a lot more complicated than the others. He glanced at the timer. 52 seconds. With a furrowed brow he began working.

"How's it going?" he heard Ashley ask Shepard after a short while. Another glance at the timer. 38 seconds.

"Alenko will get it done," Shepard answered confidently. She looked at the timer over his shoulder and ventured carefully, "Lieutenant?"

He grunted noncommittally. 25 seconds. Ashley's shadow fell over him from the other side and he gave her a short annoyed glance. She quickly backed off. Fifteen seconds. Okay, he thought. This has to be it. The timer stopped, eight seconds left on the clock. He rocked back on his heels and exhaled, wiping some perspiration off his brow.

"Cutting it a little close there, weren't you, LT?" Ashley wondered as she glanced at the timer.

"Nah. Beaucoup time yet." Shepard shrugged. "Worked out just fine. The Lieutenant did well. C'mon people, let's find that fucking beacon and get off this planet."

They went around another corner - and there it was. Together with a handful of husks and geth. They were quickly disposed of and Shepard radioed back to the Normandy. Kaidan and Ashley had gone closer to the beacon. She heard tidbits of their conversation.

"... Actual working Prothean technology!" Kaidan sounded awed. The geek in him was probably having a field day, Nick snickered to herself.

"Wasn't doing anything like that when they dug it up." Ashley didn't sound quite that enthusiastic. She turned her back on the beacon and joined the Commander. Kaidan took a step closer to the beacon.

"When is ETA, Commander?" Ashley asked as soon as she reached Shepard.

Shepard was just about to answer when she suddenly pushed Ashley to the side and started sprinting towards the beacon. Ashley whipped around to see the LT being dragged towards the beacon by some invisible force. Shepard raced towards him, jumped, grabbed him around the waist and somehow with a twist threw him out of harms way. Kaidan landed hard on his back, smacking the back of his head on the floor. He rolled over to see Shepard being dragged towards the beacon in his place. He wanted to rush to her help but Ashley held him back.

"No! Don't touch her. It's too dangerous!"

 


	3. Fifteen Hours

Helplessly he watched as his commander hung there levitating in midair, a shrill shriek disrupting the silence. After what seemed like eternity the beacon exploded and Shepard was flung to the ground. Hard. He tore free of Ashleys' grip and rushed to Shepard. At first he was certain he had killed his commander with his foolish curiosity but he quickly discovered her vitals were fine.

"Radio the Normandy!" he called over his shoulder to Ashley."Tell them the Commander is down!"

He carefully scanned her with his omnitool. Physically everything seemed alright, except for the fact that she was unconscious. He might not have killed his commanding officer but who knew what that beacon had done to her? And it was all his fault. He ran another scan. It should be him laying there. He had been stupid enough to approach an active device of alien origin. It should be him. Was stupidity on this scale enough for a demotion?

"How is she?" Williams asked tentatively.

"No changes. When will the Normandy get here? I want Dr. Chakwas to check her ASAP." He carefully positioned her in the lateral recumbent position. There was nothing else he could do for her right now.

"Ten minutes. The Commander submitted the coordinates of Corporal Jenkins and the Turian when she radioed the Normandy. I guess the recovery team had just touched down at your drop site to get the corporal." Ashley gave him a questioning look, suddenly looking very young and vulnerable. "Sir? What am I going to do now? My whole platoon...everybody is gone. What are my new orders? Hell...I...sorry, sir."

"Don't apologize, Chief. You did nothing wrong. If we had been here earlier...Well, that would have been nigh impossible. I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you're going through. The Commander probably understands. After all, she's been through the same brand of hell." He fell silent. "As the Commander said, you're with us now. And I am sure the Captain will agree."

"How can she understand what I...wait, is she _that_ Shepard? Elysium and Akuze?" Her eyes widened with recognition.

"In the flesh."

"Holy shit! Guess that explains why she is such a force in the field."

They could hear a faint hum in the air, converging on them quickly. A minute later the Normandy touched down and Dr. Chakwas and Captain Anderson came running down the cargo ramp. Kaidan and Ashley both snapped to attention.

"As you were, marines. Alenko, sitrep." Anderson frowned down at the still form of Commander Shepard. The doctor had immediately begun examination.

"The Commander got caught in some sort of energy field from the beacon and when it exploded it tossed her here. I couldn't detect any physical damage, but she is unresponsive. Normal dilation of her pupils. Other than that...I wasn't sure what to do, doc. I figured as she is unconscious it would be best to position her in the lateral recumbent position until you arrive." Kaidan had turned towards the doctor as soon as he began his medical report. Now he turned back to the captain. Better get this over with quickly, he thought. "Sir, this is my fault. I ventured to close to the beacon and the Commander had to push me out of the way. I should have kept my distance as soon as I realized the beacon was active."

The captain held up his hand to silence Kaidan.

"Is it safe to move her, doctor?" he inquired.

"It is. The Lieutenant is right. Physically she seems fine. We can move her to the med bay."

Anderson turned to Kaidan again, but his eyes lingered on Ashley for a second. She hesitated. Kaidan cleared his throat and continued speaking.

"This is Gunnery Chief Ashley Williams of the 212. Her entire unit was obliterated by the geth. Without her I doubt if we would have made it to the beacon, sir. She has been a real asset for the mission."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. We will continue this conversation in my office. Chief, I will contact Alliance brass concerning your further posting. For the time being, welcome on the Normandy." Anderson returned aboard, leaving them to follow. Meanwhile two other crew mates had put Shepard on a stretcher under the careful scrutiny of the doctor and were carrying her to the medbay.

Once aboard Kaidan gave Ashley a short overview of the Normandy. He told her to get some BDUs from the requisitions officer and showed her where she could stow her gear. As soon as Williams was settled he stripped out of his armor and dressed in his BDU, running the report he now had to give the captain through his mind. He really wanted to check the med bay to see how Shepard was doing but it was his duty to report to the Captain first. It took the elevator ages to reach the crew deck. Kaidan shook his head. A state-of-the-art warship and it had an elevator to go down _one_ deck. And said elevator was so slow that, were there a staircase as alternative, everybody would use the stairs instead. Kaidan was sure of that. Unfortunately, there were no stairs from the crew deck down to engineering. This was one of the few things Kaidan thought the designers of the Normandy had screwed up on.

He stepped out of the elevator and instead of heading to the comm room for the post-mission debrief he went to Anderson's office located on the starboard side of the crew deck. He knocked.

"Come in!" Anderson's voice rang out sharply. Kaidan straightened his uniform and stepped through the door.

"What the hell happened down there, Lieutenant?"

Kaidan embarked on his report, trying to recall as many details as possible. He faltered slightly when he came to the demise of Coporal Jenkins and then explained the adjustments he had made in order to be better prepared for the remainder of the mission. The captain nodded and motioned for him to continue. He explained how they had encountered Williams and said he thought she would make a good addition to the team. Kaidan took a deep breath before going on. His voice was flat as he told about the spikes with the impaled victims, turning them into zombie-like husks. It sounded like something from a bad horror movie in his ears. If he hadn't seen it himself he probably wouldn't have believed it. From the frown on Anderson's face he was having trouble doing so, but he didn't interrupt Kaidan.

Kaidan continued, reporting the survivors they had found and where they had stumbled across Nihlus' body. He told the Captain everything Powell had told him and now the Captain interrupted him for the first time.

"Saren? Are you sure the other Turians name was Saren?"

"Yes sir. I'm positive."

The frown on Anderson's face deepened and he bid Kaidan to continue. Kaidan was slowly drawing to the end of his report. He mentioned the different kinds of geth they encountered and the demolition charges that had been set up. Finally he came to the part of his report he had dreaded. The beacon. He unconsciously rubbed the back of his neck before going on.

"After eliminating all hostiles we arrived at the beacon. The Commander radioed the Normandy, confirming the beacon was secure. Gunnery Chief Williams and I stepped closer to the beacon, which appeared to be glowing with a greenish sheen. Williams stated the beacon hadn't been doing anything like that before. She then returned to the Commander. I slowly advanced and had just activated my omnitool to check the readings from the beacon when I felt myself being dragged towards it. As much as I struggled, I couldn't stop." He faltered. "Then there was a sudden impact as the Commander tossed me out of the way. I landed on my back and when I managed to get up again I saw Shepard being pulled towards the beacon and levitated into midair. She hung there like on a crucifix for, I don't know, a minute tops, I would say. Then the beacon exploded, my guess is a system overload, and the Commander was tossed to the ground. I rushed over to check her vitals and ordered Williams to contact the Normandy."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I expect your written report for the brass soon. And Lieutenant? Stop feeling guilty about what happened at the beacon. If you hadn't approached it, somebody else would have. Probably Shepard herself. Dismissed."

Kaidan saluted and went to the mess. He felt a headache coming on, induced through the use of his biotics and not having eaten anything for too many hours. He hoped that grabbing a bite would enough and he wouldn't need to get his medication against migraines. Of course that _would_ be a good excuse to go to the med bay. He hesitated. Just at that moment his stomach growled. Okay, food first. For one thing he could write his report while he was eating.

Kaidan was surprised when the mess sergeant held out a plate to him. He had expected to just grab an energy bar, not real food. Well, as real as it got on an Alliance warship. He thanked the mess sergeant, taking the plate and went to sit at the table. He stared at the food on his plate, lost in thought. He didn't notice that Ashley had also gotten something to eat and had made her way to the table.

"LT? Mind if I sit?" Ashley's question jerked him back to reality.

"Sure, Chief. Go ahead."

They lapsed into silence, both picking at the food on their plates. Kaidan knew he really should eat. His body desperately needed to replenish the calories he had burned of using his biotics on Eden Prime. Apart from that the pain behind his eyes was intensifying.

"I see it's the same Alliance mystery meat here as well." Ashley frowned at the meat, prodding it with her fork.

"What did you expect, Chief? Real meat? Anyway, I've had worse. This stuff is almost edible." Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "I even get a double helping, aren't I lucky?"

Ashley grinned at him. "I'm not sure that qualifies as lucky, LT."

"Me neither, Chief, me neither."

Kaidan turned his attention back to the report he had to finish. Re-reading what he had written so far he exhaled audibly. Kaidan wasn't one to swear much but in this case he had to agree with what Shepard had said on Eden Prime. _What a complete and utter clusterfuck_. He realized Ashley was staring at him.

"Something wrong, Chief?" He didn't really feel like talking right now but he sensed Ashley needed to. "I'm sorry, but I would like to finish the mission report. I'm not the best company right now."

"Listen, LT, I know you're blaming yourself for Shepard ending up in the sickbay but you shouldn't. Sure, it wasn't the smartest thing to do..."

He rolled his eyes. "Why, _thank_ you, Chief. I feel so much better now."

"My pleasure." Ashley completely ignored the sarcasm dripping from his voice. "Somebody was going to have to get close to the beacon if it was supposed to be brought aboard, right? You consider that, LT, before playing the blame game with yourself."

"I ... " he began. "You're right, Ash. I know that. I just keep seeing her floating in the air, unable to help. I hate it when I feel helpless and I -."

"Worry. And feel guilty."

"Exactly." He looked down. "Listen, thanks for telling me what I already knew. Anderson told me almost the same thing. But if you don't mind I really want to finish this." He tapped the datapad on the table with his fork.

"Sure. Talk to ya later." She picked up her mostly empty plate and waved at him.

Now he could finally finish the dratted report. He had never before had someone under his direct command die and as head of the marine detail Jenkins had been _his,_ so to speak. He had to fill out an Alliance form concerning Jenkin's death in the field yet, too. Just writing what happened in his report wasn't enough. Of course not, let's make our soldiers go through the death of their comrades again and again, he thought cynically. _God, why am I complaining? Ash saw her whole platoon die today. How would you deal with that, Alenko?_ He chastised himself. Shepard had seen civilians and marines die during the Batarian raid on Elysium and then lost her whole unit on Akuze. Who knew what baggage she carried. As his thoughts returned to Shepard, so did his guilt. He knew that both Anderson and Ashley were right, that didn't stop him from feeling guilty, though. He obviously had to learn to compartmentalize yet.

He shook his head and finished eating. After pushing back his plate he retook writing the report for the brass. All in all it took him the better part of an hour. With a final glance to make sure he hadn't forgotten anything vital he sent it to Anderson. Kaidan checked the clock on his omnitool. They had been back on the Normandy for almost three hours now. It should be fine to check on the Commander now, right?

He brought away his dirty dishes and headed to the med bay. He could always tell Dr. Chakwas he needed his medication. And it wouldn't even be a lie. The meal had only subdued his headache shortly. Now it was returning in full force. He focused on his breathing as the first wave of nausea washed over him, barely avoiding being sick.

"Kaidan, I had expected to see you earlier," Dr. Chakwas' British accent greeted him as soon as he entered the med bay. "How is your head?"

"Throbbing, doc," he admitted.

She frowned at him. "You should have come by at the first sign of a migraine, Lieutenant. I take it you had to use your biotics rather excessively during the mission. Or at least more than usual. Lay down on the bunk there. I want to check if you overtaxed your implant."

As he laid down on the bunk next to Shepard's the guilt he felt hit him again like a hammer. He should be lying there, not her. He should be the one unconscious. He could no longer refrain the question burning on his mind the past three hours. "Doc? How is she? Have there been changes?"

The doctor didn't answer right away. She continued her scan undeterred before looking at Shepard shortly and then to him. "No, Kaidan. Everything is as it has been the last three hours. The only thing is an increase in rapid eye movement. Other than that, nothing."

She gave him a sharp look. "Don't worry. I am sure the Commander will pull through. And stop blaming yourself."

"Why does everyone tell me to stop blaming myself?" he demanded as Chakwas injected his medication.

"Because, young man, I have never seen anyone looking so guilty when there was no call for it. Sleep now, Lieutenant. I am sure Shepard will be awake by then."

He could feel his thoughts becoming unfocused and fuzzy as the medication circulated through his veins, easing the pain and nausea. He knew he would be out of it for at least six hours. He closed his eyes and let himself drift off.

It was almost seven hours later when he slowly awoke. Things were still hazy, but at least the migraine was gone. Where was he? Why wasn't he in his pod? Memories of the past day returned, tumbling down on him. He groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. Turning his head to the side he saw Dr. Chakwas standing there looking back over her shoulder as she heard him stir. She turned around.

"Kaidan. How are you?" Without awaiting his answer she ran a quick scan and seemed satisfied.

"Better." He looked over at Shepard. Something was different from yesterday. He looked again. Her hair was no longer in the regulation bun she had worn yesterday. It now fell in soft curls onto her shoulders. He resisted the urge of running his fingers through her hair.

"How is she?"

"Her condition is unchanged, Lieutenant. There isn't anything we can do but wait. I suggest you go have breakfast." Dr. Chakwas nearly ushered him out of the med bay. "You can come and check in again later."

"Am I cleared for duty, doc?"

"Light duty, Kaidan."

He nodded and exited the room. With Shepard still down her duties fell into his responsibility. He powered up his console and began screening todays documents. The only message of immediate importance was the reply from Alliance Command concerning Gunnery Chief Williams transfer from her former groundside posting with the 212 to the Normandy. It had been approved of and Kaidan forwarded the message to Anderson's account. He checked the roster and saw it hadn't been updated yet. Of course not, idiot, he told himself. That is your job after all. He marked Jenkin's name as KIA and added Ashley's name to the marine detail, assigning her to weapons maintenance. She should do well at that and he was pretty sure both Shepard and Anderson would agree. He also sent a copy of the updated roster to Anderson.

"Lieutenant. Good to see you are up and about."

Kaidan lifted his head to see his CO coming his way and stood up to salute, but Anderson waved it off.

"Sir, the brass sent approved of William's transfer. I've forwarded the message to your terminal together with the updated roster. If you prefer, I have the new crew roster here." Kaidan handed over the data pad.

"Very good, Alenko. That looks sound." Anderson nodded as his eyes flicked over the data pad. "I suggest you have some downtime until we reach the Citadel."

"Aye-aye, sir." _Great_ , Kaidan thought. _Now I have time to_ think _again_. He hated being stood down.

After a short hesitation he decided to give his parents a call. He hadn't even told them of his transfer yet. They still thought he was on shore leave somewhere and would maybe stop by before returning to duty. Yeah, they would probably want to know what he was up to. He quickly checked the time and figured it was safe to go ahead and give it a try. He went up to the comm room, which was empty now. This way he would have at least a little bit of privacy. He dialed the number on his omnitool.

The slightly fuzzy picture of his mom lit up.

"Kai! Baby, it's good to see you! How is your shore leave?" his mom wouldn't let him get a word in edgewise. Maybe he shouldn't have called. "When will you be stopping by? Do you want to talk to Dad? You know, the whole family is here over the weekend..."

"Mom!" Kaidan finally managed sharply. "About that, I won't be coming. I've been reassigned. We're heading for the Citadel right now and I don't know where we'll be going after that. I'm not on shore leave anymore. Actually, I never even started shore leave. I'm sorry I'll miss everyone. I just have a minutes downtime and thought I'd let you know. And please stop calling me baby!"

"Who is it, Beth?" his dad called from the other room.

"Adam, it's Kai! He's not coming home!" Elizabeth Alenko told her husband sounding exasperated. Then she turned her attention back to Kaidan. "Your dad wants to talk to you. Try calling in more often, will you sweetie?"

"Sweetie isn't any better than baby, mom. Just call me by my name, as far as I know you chose it, after all." He couldn't help rolling his eyes. His mother had this annoying habit of _not_ calling her children by their names. Kaidan hated it.

His dad appeared. "Kaidan, what's this your mother said? You're not coming home?"

"Sorry Dad, I got reassigned to the Normandy last week under Captain Anderson. We've been pretty busy. And by the looks of it it's going stay that way. Can't say much more." Kaidan shrugged. "You know how it is."

"Yeah, I know. I'll talk to your mom. Sometimes I don't think she's happy with your career choice, son." His dad had been an Alliance soldier himself. He had retired after more than twenty years of duty when Kaidan was five. "I'll tell the others you said hi. Take care!" The others being his siblings, Daniel and Erin, and their families.

"Will do. Bye, Dad." Kaidan hung up. He shook his head and exhaled slowly. Sometimes, no, most of the time he just couldn't understand his mother. She knew military life, after all she had married an Alliance soldier. She knew he had no influence on when he received his orders or where these orders sent him. His father was proud of him for enlisting but his mom? Kaidan wasn't sure. Shaking off the thoughts of home his mind returned to Shepard in the med bay. Leaving the comm room he went to Joker first, wanting to know when they would arrive at the Citadel. He had half a mind to sit down at his terminal and work, decided against it though. After Joker told him the ETA he said thank you and headed back to the crew deck. Maybe he could help Dr. Chakwas, or read up on some medical issues. And check on Shepard.

The doctor greeted him with an amused glint in her eyes. She didn't have any work he could help with right now, no. But if he really wanted to brush up his skills as field medic she did have some journals concerning different kinds of trauma due to different weapon modifications and ammunition. She turned to her desk and opened a drawer. It was filled with medical journals and after a short search she pulled out five different issues.

"These should be the most beneficial for you as a field medic, Kaidan." She smiled at him, the amused glint he had seen as he entered the med bay flashing in her eyes again. "Why don't you sit at that desk to read. You can take notes then, too. And keep an eye on the Commander."

Kaidan felt slightly embarrassed that he was apparently so easy to see through but he hadn't been lying about being interested in reading the medical journals. He enjoyed being a field medic and used every opportunity to brush up his skills. Choosing Sentinel training had been a no-brainer for him. Almost, anyway. The only other branch he had looked into was Engineer training. In the end he was a Sentinel with all his heart. He got medical training, got to work with tech almost as much as an engineer and learned to use his biotics to bolster his and his squads' defense. Although it looked like he would have to learn to use his biotics in a more offensive way in the future. He thanked Dr. Chakwas quietly and sat down to start reading, his eyes wandering to Shepard every once in a while.

He hadn't been aware of how much time had passed since he had begun reading until a plate with food set on the table in front of him. He looked up from the paper in surprise.

"It's time you ate something again, Kaidan. You've been here close to four hours," the doc said sternly.

"Uh, yeah. Thanks doc," Kaidan replied sheepishly. His stomach chose this moment to rumble loudly and he felt rightfully admonished. Putting the journal to the side he began eating.

After cleaning off the last bit of food from his plate he quickly cleared it away and returned to the med bay to retake his vigil. He had hardly started reading again when he heard a soft groan coming from Shepard. Kaidan quickly got up and moved closer to her bunk. She groaned again, her had twitching to her forehead.

He turned his head and called softly over his shoulder. "Doctor? Dr. Chakwas, I think she's waking up!"


	4. Citadel

Nick groaned again. She opened her eyes and found looking at the ceiling of Normandy's med bay. In a swift, smooth movement she sat up.

"You had us worried there, Shepard. How are you feeling?" Dr. Chakwas inquired as she walked past her, coming to a halt in front of her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lieutenant Alenko standing a bit further back.

"Like the morning after shore leave." she admitted, rubbing her forehead with one hand. "How long was I out?"

"About fifteen hours." Dr. Chakwas let her know. Shepard's eyes widened momentarily. "Something happened down there with the beacon."

"It was my fault." Kaidan spoke up from his silent post. "I must've triggered some kind of security field when I approached it. You had to push me outta the way." He looked rather guilty. How long had he been here? She wondered. She gave him a lingering look before answering.

"You had no way of knowing what would happen." she noted the corners of his mouth tugging upward ever so slightly.

Dr. Chakwas watched both of them carefully. She could feel the intensity between the two and asked herself if anyone else had perceived the crackling of the air between them. She wasn't even sure if they were aware of it. It would explain the guilt Kaidan apparently felt and the reason he had spent so many of the past hours in the med bay. She decided to continue speaking.

"Actually we don't even know if that's what set it off. Unfortunately we'll never have a chance to find out."

Shepard turned back to the doctor, the question Why? written all over her face. Before she could voice it Kaidan began to elaborate.

"The beacon exploded," he explained, "a system overload maybe. The blast knocked you cold. We had to carry you back to the Normandy." Not that we had to carry you far, he added silently. Just up the ramp, more or less.

"Thanks, I appreciate it." she gave him a small smile that made his insides do a somersault. He swallowed, and nodded in return. It was surprising how different she seemed now compared to the cold rage she displayed on the mission. Vulnerable, soft. He wondered often she showed that side in front of other people.

"Physically, you're fine but I detected some unusual brain activity. Abnormal beta waves. I also noticed an increase in your rapid eye movement. Signs typically associated with intense dreaming." the doctor informed her.

Nick looked down at the floor before lifting her head and quietly saying: "More like a nightmare. I...I don't know what I saw. Death. Destruction. Nothing's really clear."

The doctor pursed her lips. "Hmm, I'd better add that to my report. It may - oh, Captain Anderson."

The three waited as their CO crossed the room.

"How's our XO holding up?" he inquired.

"All the readings look normal." Chakwas answered. "I'd say the Commander is going to be fine."

"Glad to hear it. Shepard," he now addressed her directly. "I need to speak to you. In private."

Kaidan saluted. "Aye-aye, Captain. I'll be in the mess if you need me."

He headed out. Even as he walked out of the med bay he could still hear the voices of Shepard and Anderson. Outside he saw Ashley standing by the terminal he used when he wasn't in the co-pilot seat. He waved to her but went to stand by the mess table, waiting for Shepard to leave the med bay. He hoped to speak to her. She had already told him not to worry about the incident with the beacon, sure. But he also wanted to know how she felt about the rest of the mission and what was going to happen next. It was a little disturbing when he thought about it but he almost feared he was falling for his XO. That shouldn't happen, Kaidan knew that, but it could. And considering how he felt it apparently had.

He didn't have to wait long for her to leave the med bay. He tried catching her eye and he did, although she turned to speak with Dr. Chakwas first. He supposed she wanted to know if the doctor could give her any hints at what happened to her. Little did he realize that the object of their discussion was something - or someone - completely different. She then moved towards Ashley, welcoming her to the team, as Anderson had informed her about the transfer. Nick agreed with Kaidan's judgment and she was happy he had not hesitated to step up and fulfill XO duties while she had been...indisposed. He had done it on his own account and she valued self-initiative. To be more exact: knowing when self-initiative was in order and when not. Kaidan was unaware that he was being evaluated for a promotion to Lieutenant Commander and the position of a XO. Cosidering his impressive list of recommendations it was surprising it hadn't happened earlier. So far the only thing she didn't understand was why he didn't use his biotics more frequently. Maybe that had been a set-back. After she had told him off for that half-hearted throw he had proved her assessment right by unfurling some truly remarkable biotics.

On her last mission she had worked together with a biotic who had just been assigned to her unit. He had been the exact opposite of Kaidan, always using his biotics and only relying on his pistol if it was absolutely necessary. Nick was determined to find out what the problem was sooner or later.

Finally, she walked over to him.

"Commander, good to see you're ok. Losing Jenkins was hard on the crew, I'm glad we didn't lose you to."

"Yeah," she sighed, "things got pretty rough down there. How're you holding up?"

"Ok. It's tough seeing dead civilians. Just doesn't seem right somehow." he lets out a huff. "At least you stopped Saren from wiping out the whole colony."

"Me? Was I down there alone? I'm fairly certain I had this sentinel with me covering my six." Nick's eyes flashed, daring him to contradict her.

Kaidan tried not to squirm under the scrutiny of those blue eyes. "Well, yeah...I guess. We're marines, we stick together, ma'am."

"You guess? Damn right, we stick together." she leaned a bit closer to him, her eyes boring into his. "Listen to me, Alenko. Without you I couldn't have done it, got me? I wouldn't have even gotten to Ash and we all would've been fucked. And the two of us couldn't have made it to the beacon without Ash because I know I wouldn't have been able to keep all the damn geth off your back while you were disabling those bloody detonation charges. So don't tell me I saved the colony. We did!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Nick's eyebrows traveled up her forehead. "I mean Commander." Kaidan corrected himself.

Her gaze softened as she started speaking again. "I just wish I could've done something to save Jenkins."

Kaidan shook his head. "I was there, Commander. You did everything right. It was just," he paused for a mere moment, fishing for the proper expression,"bad luck."

"It was my mistake, I should've never let him take point."

"You couldn't have known that." Kaidan shook his head again. "Anyway, hell of a shakedown run. I mean, one Spectre shooting another? The Citadel Council isn't gonna be happy about that. Probably use it to lever more concessions outta the Alliance."

"You heard that, huh? Guess Anderson and I spoke louder than we thought." she chuckled softly. "You seem to have a good grasp of the politics we have to struggle through. You a career man?"

He smirked slightly, pulling one corner of his mouth up to a lop-sided smile. "A lot of biotics are. We sure as heck don't go undocumented, so I might as well get a paycheck for it. And anyway, my father served. Made him proud when I enlisted. Eventually."

Shepard couldn't help but wonder about the last comment. Her, no, the Lieutenant was something of a mystery to her. She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall, frowning. "Huh, I'd wanted to eat something before we reach the Citadel but I guess I can screw that. On the other hand it means I have a good excuse of eating some real food there." She turned and waved Ashley over. As soon as Ashley had made her way over Shepard looked at them with a grin.

"Ever been to the Citadel, either of you?" Ashley shook her head, Kaidan nodded. "Let's go and enjoy the view!" With that she turned and beckoned them to follow her as she climbed the stairs to the command deck.

The three entered the helm and Joker turned his head towards Shepard.

"Just in time, Commander. I was just gonna bring us in to the Citadel. Time to see that tax payer money at work!"

* * *

A short while later the Normandy had docked and Captain Anderson ordered Shepard, Alenko and Williams to accompany him to a meeting with the human councilor, Donnel Udina. It was obvious though that their CO was not exactly in a hurry to get there. The meeting had been scheduled at 0845 and it was now almost 0915. When they arrived at the councilor's office they found him throwing angry accusations at the Citadel Council. Anderson mildly raised an eyebrow and motioned his ground team to wait a few paces off to the side. Udina reminded Shepard a three-year-old throwing a temper tantrum because it didn't get any candy at the store. Guessing from the expressions on Kaidan's and Ashley's faces they felt the same. No sooner had Udina cut the connection with the Council when he rounded on Anderson in a condescending tone. Shepard tensed visibly as he scoffed at the CO for having brought the ground team from the mission on Eden Prime. Anderson on the other hand seemed unfazed. Nick walked close to Anderson and Udina.

"I don't give a rat's ass if the Council wants to go after Saren or not. I will!"

"Settle down, Commander! You've done enough to jeopardize your entry into the Spectres! The mission was a complete disaster."

Nick was going to retort sharply but a raised hand from Anderson refrained her.

"That wasn't Shepard's fault!"

Udina sniffed, clearly disagreeing. After telling them to attend the following Council meeting in his sneering, condescending way he left. Anderson turned to his ground team. Shepard had a look of utmost loathing on her face as she turned from Udina's retreating form to her captain. He shook his head ever so slightly.

"And that's why I hate politicians." Ashley spoke up.

Kaidan remained silent, but the frown tugging at the corners of his mouth indicated he agreed with her. Shepard also remained silent. Her silence was not a contemplating one, unlike Kaidan's. Her silence resembled the calm before a storm. She waited for her captain to say his part.

"Udina certainly didn't help our case." Anderson began. "The hearing starts at 1100. That gives you a little more than an hour to look around and maybe grab something to eat. And Shepard - be on time! I know how much this whole thing rubs you the wrong way and I know how you react to things like this. I'm reminding you once: You're an Alliance officer. Don't forget it. I'll see you at 1100. Dismissed."

Nick drew in a slow, deep breath, held it and exhaled just as slowly.

"Commander, sounds like you've gotten in trouble for something before." Ashley raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"Yeah." Nick grunted, clearly unhappy. "It's been a while though. Come on, let's find something to eat and maybe I'll give you a small tidbit of Veronika Shepard's fuck-ups. If I remember right there's a bar not far from here or we head to the wards. Might be more interesting."

She turned and walked out of the office.

Not long afterwards they had found a smallish bar that offered comfort food. Sitting down in a corner they picked up the menus and quickly chose.

"Are we on duty, Commander? Or can we have somethin' alcoholic?" Ashley asked.

"We're on duty, Chief. And it's not even 1000." Shepard answered, frowning. "As tempting as a stiff drink sounds I don't drink before 1200. So, food and non-alcoholic beverages only. Maybe we can grab drinks after the damn hearing. Something tells me we'll need 'em then."

"Food sounds good enough." Kaidan stated, scanning the menu. He looked up to see Shepard wink at him. He swallowed and dropped his eyes back to the menu. After punching in their order they sat back. Shepard fished something out of her pocket. Earplugs, Kaidan realized.

"I need a few minutes, then we'll talk." Nick told them, adjusting the headset. After choosing a song from her omnitool she leaned back and closed her eyes. The music was loud enough for both Kaidan and Ashley to listen along. They watched in fascination as their XO played air guitar while sitting there, eyes closed, nodding with the music. She listened to two songs before the food and drinks came. She waited until the waiter had set everything down and left again. "I have...anger issues, I guess they call it. Got me into a spot of trouble a couple of times, the last time was after Akuze."

She stopped, turning her glass in her hands. "Anderson just reminded me to keep my temper in check. After Akuze he bailed me out of jail after destroying a bar, more or less. Well, I didn't do it alone but my actions were the spark that set everything off. I was out with some friends and these guys tried getting a little too friendly with Becka and me. Matt and Trev were getting our drinks and Chris was talking to somebody he knew with his back turned to us. Anyway, these guys wouldn't take no for an answer and got pushy. I could've easily taken care of them without injuring anyone but I was drunk and on edge and smashed my glass on one guys head. He called me a bitch and I twisted his arm and pushed him face first into the wall. Thing was, these guys weren't alone. Long story short: We ended up fighting a full-grown bar brawl. The only reason I didn't get into a shitload of trouble was that we could provide witnesses confirming it was self-defense, that they had pushed and hadn't backed off. I got sent to a councilor after that who diagnosed me with, uh, light PTSD and I had to go to some anger management courses. I went through therapy for half a year, then I told Anderson and Hackett I'd go stir crazy if I didn't get to go on missions again." she paused. "Haven't been on a real shore leave since, nothing longer than an odd weekend here and there. Yeah."

"What about the guys harassing you and your friend?" Kaidan asked, looking upset. "Didn't they get some kind of punishment? And why did you have to go through anger management because of those jerks? They deserved it."

Ashley snorted and Nick gave him an almost amused look. "I didn't have to go through therapy because of them but because I was diagnosed with PTSD. And anyway, this may be the 22. century, but men still get away with a lot more than women. They got their fingers rapped and the Alliance sent them home with a warning. On the other hand, my friends can't complain either. None of them had to face any charges once we were bailed out. And I just had to do the counseling shit. It's sweet of you to come to my defense, but the thing is I overreacted. There were other options of dealing with the situation." She shrugged.

It was obvious that Kaidan knew she was right but he still thought those guys had gotten off way to easy. "Maybe. I still think they got what was coming."

Shepard glanced at her omnitool. Her, _damn it, the_ Lieutenant made her feel strangely warm and fuzzy. She cleared her throat. "Okay, folks. It's time to move out."

They made their way to the council chambers where they overheard to turians arguing over Saren. Shepard stopped to talk with one of them, a C-Sec officer named Garrus Vakarian. She was surprised to learn he was responsible for finding evidence against Saren and was furious that his boss wouldn't give him more time.

"Good luck, Shepard. Maybe the Council will listen to you!" Vakarian waved good-bye and stomped off muttering.

While Kaidan and Ashley talked about the symbolic behind the design of the council chamber Shepard wondered if they could truly hope to receive any help from the council. Anderson was waiting for them already and they followed him swiftly up the last flight of stairs.

* * *

When they turned to leave sometime later their hopes were all but shattered. The council believed Saren and Nick had almost lost her temper listening to them deny everything she told them. She swore she would wipe that smirk off Saren's face the next time they met. Preferably with a close-range shot straight in his face.

Udina had rounded on Anderson as soon as they had walked down the first flight of stairs, blaming him for his history with Saren. It made the council think they were biased, he said. Nick had to admit she was rather interested in that point as well and feared the councilor was right, but that didn't mean a complete jackass like Udina had any right to talk to Anderson like that. Then he had the gall to tell her to seek out a corrupt C-Sec officer to help with the investigation. After Udina had left she turned to Anderson, the rage at the Council still burning in her eyes.

"Captain, can I speak off the record?" she asked, trying to keep her voice even.

"Private or business-off-the-record?" Anderson retorted.

Shepard pursed her lips. "Private."

Anderson nodded tersely.

"What the fuck happened, Uncle Dave?" Nick demanded. Ashley shot a questioning look at Kaidan. Uncle Dave? she mouthed. Kaidan gave a slight nod and a noncommittal shrug of his shoulders. Nick asked about his mission with Saren and looked a little disappointed when Anderson just said it had been a mission that went bad, really bad. She had clearly hoped for more input. She almost took a step back in surprise when Anderson told her to look for Harkins.

"I thought you just said he was a no-use low-life suspended because of several charges against him?"

"He is. But he also has his ears close to the ground. I'm not thrilled about this either, but I can't think of anybody else who might be able to help. And Nick? Try not to kill him"

Shepard snorted. "That bad, huh?"

"What about that C-Sec investigator we met on our way here? Garrus Vakarian?" Kaidan interrupted.

"Good thinking, Alenko. I had forgotten all about him. He sure seemed pissed enough that he was drawn off the case." Nick looked back at him thoughtfully. Then she turned back to Anderson asking about any other leads. The only other possibility he could think of as Barla Von, a contact to the Shadow Broker.

"The Shadow Broker?" Ashley sounded doubtful.

"An information broker, Chief. Or rather the information broker." Anderson explained.

Shepard ran her fingers through her hair. "Well, I guess we should get back to business, right Captain? We'll try to find as much evidence as possible with as little damage as possible. No promises, though."

Anderson dismissed them and Nick led the way to the wards wordlessly.

"What's the plan, Commander?" Kaidan's gravelly voice cut through her thoughts.

She stopped and turned around to face her team. "I haven't decided yet, but my first choice is going to Chora's Den. We know Harkins is there and we don't know where Vakarian is. No use wandering around aimlessly."

* * *

Shortly before reaching Chora's Den they were ambushed by a group of thugs. The thugs were no big problem as such but after searching their corpses for evidence Kaidan said what the others were thinking.

"These were Saren's men, Commander. We must be on the right track."

"So it would seem, Lieutenant." Nick replied. She looked at the entrance of Chora's Den. Was the owner of this gentlemen's club in league with Saren?

The flashing lights and the thudding beat of the - Nick hesitated to call it so - music of Chora's Den assailed them as soon as the doors opened.

"A million light years from where humanity began and we walk into a bar filled with men drooling over half-naked women shaking their asses on stage. I can't decide whether that's funny or sad." Ashley scoffed.

"What? You don't think they're here because of the food?" Kaidan deadpanned. "I can see why this place is so popular. It's got quite the, uh, view."

"Hey Lieutenant? Put your tongue back in your mouth before you trip on it." Ashley shot back.

"I believe the Lieutenant is being sarcastic, Chief." Shepard commented. _He damn better be_. She looked around for Harkin but sometimes being short was a definite disadvantage. The other two were quite a bit taller than she was, Ashley maybe an inch shorter than Kaidan. "Either of you see our target?"

They replied in the negative but as they rounded the bar Kaidan suddenly said "What about that guy at 11 o'clock? Sitting at a table by himself?"

Nick nodded and strode to the table. She had no sooner come to a stop in front of Harkin when looked her up and down with a predatory gleam in his eyes. He licked his lips before saying "Lookin' for some fun, sweetheart? I've gotta say that soldier get-up looks pretty good on that bod of yours. Why don't you sit your sweet little ass down right here and we see where it goes?"

Kaidan felt the urge to throw him through the room. He clenched and unclenched his fist, willing down his biotics. He was sure Shepard could handle the situation herself and probably wouldn't want him to interfere. Shepard just raised her eyebrows an infinitesimal fraction and crossed her arms in front of her body.

"I'd rather drink a cup of acid after chewing on a razor blade." was her response. Kaidan grinned but quickly replaced the grin with a neutral expression. Ashley was disgusted with Harkins and made no effort hiding her feelings.

Harkins leaned back with a smirk, watching her with a leery expression. "You trying to hurt my feelings? You'll have to come up with something better than that, princess. I've been called every name in the book during my time with C-Sec." Kaidan and Ashley both had to try hard not to bristle at the way this man was staring at their commander.

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor," Shepard replied coolly, shifting her stance. "Just tell me where Garrus is."

"Garrus? You're one of Anderson's people. Is he still trying to bring down Saren? To bad he got his ass kicked out of the Spectres," he added slyly. "He didn't tell you that, did he?"

Nick managed to keep a straight face. "Not of importance." She waved his comment off. "Just tell me where to find Garrus."

"Oh, but it's all related, don't you see?" He then told them that Anderson had been a spectre working together with Saren and that it was his fault for a mission gone wrong. He wore an overly smug expression as he told them of Anderson's dealings with Saren. Nick asked a few more questions before getting back to the point.

"I've had enough of this. Tell me where Garrus is NOW." In a swift movement she pulled her pistol and pointed it at Harkins.

"Alright! Alright! Calm down, missy. He was heading up to Dr. Michel's, that little clinic on the upper wards!"

Shepard turned on her heel and started walking away, Kaidan and Ashley following. As they left Chora's Den Ashley quietly asked: "Do you think he was telling the truth about the Captain?"

"Harkins is an ass," Kaidan replied. "Maybe he was just messing with our heads."

"Maybe, LT. But I'd like to know what's going on here," Ashley stated.

"Wouldn't we all, Chief," Shepard threw in casually. She led them past some market stalls and up a flight of stairs only to hear an excited voice.

"Oh my god, it's really you! Commander Shepard! Commander Shepard!" A blonde man was frantically waving to get her attention. She sighed and headed over, ignoring the snicker coming from Ashley.

She shook her head as they left an exuberant Conrad Verner in their wake. It was completely beyond her why anyone would want her autograph. It almost disturbed her more than Harkins suggestive stares. Her squad obviously found it amusing. At least Ashley. She was laughing quietly at Shepard ever since they had heard Verner's enthusiastic hails. Kaidan had smiled at first but then had seem to notice Nick's discomfort. They walked on. Suddenly Nick swerved to the side, heading for an observation platform. There she leaned against the rail, staring at the view in front of her. Ashley took place next to her, Kaidan on Ashley's far side and for a moment they were silent.

"Big place," Kaidan finally said. _Jeez, Alenko, couldn't you think of anything better?_ Big place, _really_.

Ashley turned her head towards him with a smirk."Is that your professional opinion, sir?"

"He's right, Chief. This isn't a station, it's a city. It's bigger than I imagined."

"There must be millions here. There's no way they can track everyone coming and going!" Kaidan looked amazed.

"It makes Jump Zero look like a porta-john and that's the largest deep space station the Alliance has," Ashley said. She almost sounded envious.

"Jump Zero is big, but this is a whole 'nother scale! Just look at the ward arms. How do they keep all that mass together without it flying apart?" Kaidan wondered, always the tech. He didn't see Shepard smile to herself.

"The council represents more races then I thought. No wonder they're careful with newcomers. We're going to have to work hard to live up to expectations," Nick added thoughtfully.

"They probably just want to keep everything running. It has to be hard keeping all these cultures working together."

"Or maybe they just don't like humans," Ashley snorted. Shepard shot her a short look.

"Why not? What's not to like? We've got oceans, beautiful women, this emotion called love. According to the old vids we've got everything they want," Shepard said.

"When you put it that way, there's no reason they wouldn't like you," Kaidan said. A barely perceivable silence followed his words and then his ears caught up with his mouth. He turned to see Ashley grinning at him and Shepard looked almost stunned. "I mean us. Humans, ma'am." He looked away again, rubbing the back of his neck as he felt himself blush. _Great, Alenko. Just great. Now your XO probably thinks you're a complete fool._

"You don't take much leave, do you, LT?" Ashley teased.

Nick cleared her throat. "Alright, laugh it up, Chief." She lifted her gaze to look straight at Kaidan. "I appreciate the thought, Alenko, but we're on duty here."

"Uh, aye-aye ma'am. Commander. Shepard." Kaidan felt his face burning with embarrassment.

"I'll walk drag, ma'am." Ashley made no effort of concealing her amusement about her two superior officers. It was kind of obvious to her that the lieutenant was dead gone on the commander. And now she couldn't help but wonder if their feelings were mutual. She watched them lead the way. Kaidan's blush was fading and Shepard was all business as she continued toward the clinic. Ashley decided she would watch and give a helping hand where necessary.

They came to the little clinic and all thought of friendly banter was banned as soon as the door opened to reveal a young doctor being held at gunpoint. They saw Garrus crouching behind a pillar, barred from the assailant's view.

"Where is the quarian?" the aggressor snarled at the doctor. Then he became aware of the newcomers. "And who are you?"

Garrus used this momentary lapse of attention to place a perfect headshot and the man dropped dead. His cronies on the other hand foolishly started shooting. It cost them dearly as they were no match for the three marines and the C-Sec officer. Shepard holstered her gun and strode over to Garrus and the doctor, whom she figured to be Dr. Michel.

"What the hell were you thinking? You could've hit the hostage!" Nick demanded. "But still, nice shooting."

Garrus looked slightly taken aback. "I didn't think ... Sometimes you get lucky - ," he stuttered, then he turned to the doctor. "I'm sorry, Dr. Michel. Did you get hurt?"

The doctor said she was fine, just scared. After a few questions they learned that the men had worked for Fist and were looking for a quarian that had visited the clinic a few days earlier. Dr. Michel told them Fist worked for the Shadow broker, which Garrus contradicted.

"Not anymore. He works for Saren now." This comment earned a lot of surprise from everyone. After another short conversation it became obvious they would have to find this quarian, as she possibly had evidence against Saren. And to find her they had to find Fist.

"Didn't that krogan - what was his name, Wrex? - say he was going after Fist?" Kaidan asked. "Maybe we should look for him."

Nick nodded. "Good point, Alenko."

"Wrex?" Garrus looked at him. "He's down at c-Sec for questioning. Maybe we can get there before he leaves."

"We? You coming along or what?" Ashley rudely demanded.

"To take down Saren? Yes!" Garrus shot back. "He is a traitor and a disgrace to all turians!"

Nick held up her hands. "Hold it, you two. Garrus, welcome aboard. Bring us to C-Sec. The lieutenant is right, maybe Wrex will want to join us. Chief, you head back Anderson and give him an update." Nick had the feeling Ashley had some sort of issues when it came to aliens. She would have to address that later. Kaidan obviously had less problems working together with aliens. Ashley saluted and marched off. Nick turned to Kaidan and Garrus and gave them a curt nod.

Now they just had to find a krogan and a quarian.


	5. Spectre

Garrus lead the way to C-Sec headquarters and they indeed got lucky there. Wrex was talking to a couple of C-Sec officers in the atrium. Nick stood back watching the exchange and then walked up to him unabashed. The krogan practically towered over her as he turned to face her.

"What do you want?" he rumbled, eying her uniform suspiciously.

Nick looked at her fingernails and shrugged nonchalantly as she glanced up to him. "I'm going after Fist and thought you might want to come along."

"And who are you?" Wrex stared at the small female human. She squared her shoulders, her posture now taking a clearly military stance.

"I'm Commander Shepard, Sys..."

"Commander Shepard? Aye, I've heard of you. You're a warrior, Shepard, so let me give you a fair warning." He brought his face close to hers. "I am going to kill Fist." She still didn't flinch, but stood her ground and stared back at him levelly. Wrex was quite impressed. And surprised. He had imagined the famous Commander Shepard to be taller.

"It'll be easier if we work together," Garrus spoke up. "But our best guess would be Chora's Den. He owns the place after all."

Wrex turned his head away from Shepard to study the other two accompanying her. A turian and a male human, hmpf. The human male was watching him warily. Wrex wasn't worried. He was certain neither the turian nor the male Alliance soldier were a match for him. It might be interesting to see what this Shepard girl could do though. There were plenty of rumors concerning her. He was sure not many humans could fight off a Thresher Maw. Or hold off an entire platoon by themselves. He wanted to see what was so special about this young woman that seasoned Alliance soldiers seemed awed as soon as her name was mentioned. "You might be right. Ok, Shepard. We have a saying 'The enemy of my enemy is my friend'."

She grinned and stuck out her hand. "I think we'll get along just fine, Wrex."

Shepard stepped back. She would have to send someone to Anderson again. She looked at her three companions, considering her options. She didn't know much about Wrex's battle skills so there was only one way to find out. Or Garrus' apart from the fact that he was a decent shot. The resulting conclussion therefore was obvious.

"Lieutenant," she turned towards Kaidan, "please inform Captain Anderson that I have gone with Officer Vakarian and Wrex to follow a promising lead."

For a split second Kaidan's eyes flicked over to Garrus and Wrex and he looked like he was going to question her order. The moment passed so quickly she thought it must have been her imagination. His face was a mask of perfect professionalism as he saluted. "Aye-aye, Commander. I don't think I could handle Chora's Den twice in one day anyway."

She laughed quietly and then watched his retreating form as Kaidan headed towards the presidium before turning back to Garrus and Wrex. "As much as I agree with Lieutenant Alenko, I am afraid we won't be able to forego the _pleasure_ of another visit at Chora's Den. Let's go."

* * *

The silence down by Chora's Den was suspicious enough already. The fact that the doors were firmly shut only added to that sensation.

"They know we're coming," Garrus hissed under his breath.

"Sure looks like it." Nick hesitated as her hand hovered over her shotgun. Instead she pulled out her sniper rifle.

As soon as the doors slid open their welcoming committee opened fire. Nick ducked behind a halfwall, popping up only to take down a mercenary. Garrus did the same. Wrex had pulled a shotgun and barreled right in. When Nick realized she had to change positions she also pulled her shotgun. It was just to confined in Chora's Den for decent sniping. She sprinted to the next cover.

After clearing out the mercenaries in the main room they came to the doors leading to Fists' office. The doors opened to reveal two warehouse workers pointing pistols at them. "Workers, all real guards must be dead," Garrus whispered.

"You can't go in here!" one almost squealed. The hand holding his pistol was shaking.

Nick raised her eyebrows. "I think you should reconsider your line of work. I just killed a shitload of mercs to get here. What do you think I could do to you?"

"Uh, I'm not getting paid enough for shit like this." Both warehouse workers holstered their guns and made for the exit.

"Good choice!" Nick called after them.

"It would've been quicker just to shoot them," Wrex grumbled.

"You can't solve all problems by shooting things," Garrus replied.

"Bollocks, Vakarian. Sometimes trigger-happy is the only way to go," Wrex firmly stated. Nick chuckled softly, shaking her head as she headed for the next door and found it locked. Shit. Maybe she shouldn't have sent Alenko away after all. She was really bad at overriding locks. Not that she couldn't do it at all but they wanted to find this quarian yet _today_. Luckily, she wasn't alone.

"Can one of you guys override this damn lock?" she asked pointing at the offending object. Garrus strode forwards and open his omnitool. He made short work of the lock and the door slid open. Shepard thanked him. "You're a tech, Garrus? Good to know."

At last they found Fist in his office. Unfortunately he had two mounted turrets on either side of his office which started firing as soon as Nick had passed into range. She dove back into cover. "Garrus! Overload!"

While Garrus overloaded one turret she and Wrex took out the other with their shotguns. They walked up to Fist who was grovelling on the ground. Nick didn't waste any time. "Where's the quarian?"

"I ... I have no idea who you're talking about ... ," he stammered.

Nick pointed her shotgun at his knees. "Wrong answer," she snarled, " Now, if you feel partial to your kneecaps I suggest you start talking."

The threat obviously worked. Fist told them about this young quarian who had asked to meet the Shadow Broker, claiming she had some interesting information. He had told her he would set up a meeting which was supposed to take place shortly in an alley on the lower wards. Wrex scoffed at that, saying even he was contacted by a contractor. Fist finally admitted it was a trap. Shepard narrowed her eyes.

"But i..if you hurry you can still get there in time!" he told them. Nick nodded her head in acquiescence. As she turned to go Wrex walked up to Fist and shot him.

"What the...?" Nick and Garrus whipped around.

"I had a contract to fulfill. I don't leave my jobs half done," Wrex said plainly.

Nick ran a hand through her hair. "I get that. And he really had it coming. But we don't shoot unarmed people. If they are criminals - as Fist was - we hand them over to the authorities. And now we better get moving." As she was just about to leave her eyes fell on a disc. On a hunch she pocketed it. Who knew what kind of evidence might be on it?

As they headed to the alley where the set-up for the quarian was they encountered new waves of mercenaries. Nick desperately wished she had some grenades to clear the path quicker. Once they had shot their way through the mercs they ran to the alley Fist had told them about. They arrived in time to witness the quarian ask where the Shadow Broker was. After refusing to hand over the data Saren's men attacked her. She reacted quickly by throwing a grenade and suddenly realized she had back-up in form of a woman, a turian and a krogan.

"Fist set me up!" the quarian fumed as soon as the last opponent was taken care of. "I knew I shouldn't have trusted him."

"Yeah. Don't worry about Fist, he got what he deserved. Did you get hurt?"Shepard asked, looking the young quarian up and down. It didn't look like she was injured.

"I can take care of myself! Not that I don't appreciate the help. And it is nice I don't have to be concerned about Fist. But...who are you, anyway?" The young woman backed away slowly, keeping a wary eye on them.

"Commander Shepard, Systems Alliance Navy. I am looking for evidence against Saren." Nick properly introduced herself.

"Then I have the chance to repay you for saving my life," the quarian replied. "But not here. It is too...open here."

"What about at the human embassy's office? I'm sure the your ambassador will want to hear of this," Garrus suggested.

"You're right. Let's head back." Shepard looked at everyone for a moment and went on her way.

* * *

Meanwhile Kaidan made his way back to the presidium to inform Anderson. He was fairly sure he knew why the commander had sent him back with the message. She probably wanted to see both Garrus and Wrex in action, but that didn't mean he had to like it. Personally he found the decision too risky. Wait, why exactly was he worried? She was an N7. And Garrus a C-Sec officer. And Wrex.. _.Just can it, Alenko. She'll be_ fine.

As he walked into the embassies he saw Ashley sitting on a bench in the foyer. She raised an eyebrow quizzically when she saw him approaching alone. Ashley got up and wandered in his direction.

"What are you doing here, LT? Where's Shepard?" She looked passed him as if expecting Shepard to emerge behind him any second.

"She's giving Chora's Den another visit. This time with Garrus and Wrex." Kaidan's answer was short and crisp. He didn't need Ashley's comments just now. He knew she wouldn't like it. Not that it mattered. He really liked her but she had the habit of second-guessing her officers and at the moment he found that really annoying.

"WHAT? How could you!" Ashley glared at him. She seemed really upset.

"It was her decision, Chief. I understand her motive, really. Doesn't mean I like it, Ash. If the Captain disagrees and chews me out for obeying a direct order, then so be it." He kept on walking towards Udinas' office, Ashley following closely.

He knocked and then opened the door. The councilor and Anderson turned to see who had entered the room. Kaidan snapped off a text-book salute and informed the captain of Shepards' decision.

"At ease, Lieutenant. That sounds like something Shepard would do. We'll just have to wait until she shows up herself." Anderson nodded at him. "Have a seat. Both of you."

"Wait!" Udina demanded. "I just got a message about an all-out fire fight in Chora's Den. Can't she do anything without leaving a path of destruction?"

They didn't have to wait long before Shepard walked in - without knocking - followed by Garrus, Wrex and a Quarian.

"Commander!" Udina demanded, "do you have any idea how much trouble you are causing? Fire fights in the wards? An all-out assault on Chora's Den?...Who's that?"the councilor had noticed the young quarian.

"Keep your hat on." Nicks tone was icy. "Before jumping down my throat maybe you should know she has evidence that can help us bring down Saren."

"Really?" Udina nearly sneered at her. It was obvious he didn't believe her. Shepard just stared at him and was satified when the ambassador broke eye contact first as he turned tolook at the young quarian. "Maybe we could start at the beginning, Miss...?"

"My name is Tali'Zorah nar Rayya," the quarian answered.

"What are you doing on the Citadel?" Udina asked. "We don't see many quarians here, they rarely leave the Flotilla."

"I was on my pilgrimage, a rite of passage into adulthood," Tali explained as she saw the puzzled expressions. "When we reach maturity we leave the ships of our parents and our people behind and search the stars only to return to the Flotilla when we have found something of value, be it resources,or knowledge,or something else that may prove useful to the Flotilla. During my travels I began hearing reports of geth. Since they drove my people from the homeworld the geth never ventured beyond the veil. I was curious. I encountered some geth and managed to disable one and salvage this from its memory core."

"I thought geth memory cores got fried when they died. Somekind of defence mechanism." Anderson's brow furrowed.

"That is correct. But if you are quick, careful and lucky and know what you are doing it is possible to salvage small caches of data." Tali sounded very confident. "After all, we built the geth. Anyway, I managed to salvage something off of one of the audio banks." She lit up her omnitool and played the audio data she had salvaged.

" _Eden Prime was a major victory. The beacon has brought us one step closer to finding the Conduit,_ " a turian voice said, followed by a female voice saying " _And one step closer to the return of the Reapers_."

"The first voice was Saren's," Anderson told them."but who was the woman?"

"I didn't recognize the voice," Udina said, shaking his head.

Shepard made a face. "Saren said the beacon brought him one step closer to finding the Conduit? What is the Conduit? And what are these Reapers the woman talks about?"

Tali explained that the Reapers were a hyper-advanced machine race that existed 50 000 years ago according to the geth memory core. They hunted the protheans to total extinction and then vanished. "At least, that's what the geth believe." Tali finished. "The geth revere the reapers as gods, the pinnacle of non-organic life. And they believe Saren can bring the Reapers back."

Udina hmpfed. "That seems a little far fetched."

"No." Shepard shook her head. "The vision from the beacon on Eden Prime? I understand it now. It showed the protheans being wiped out by the Reapers." She shuddered as she thought about the vision she had from the beacon.

"The Council is just going to love this." Udina looked decidedly unhappy about the prospect of having to inform the Council.

"The Reapers are a threat to every known species. They have to know." Nick was not fond of the Council, but this information was too valuable to withold. She couldn't believe the human councilor even considered not informing them about this.

"That aside, these audio files prove Saren's involvement on Eden Prime," Anderson mentioned. They all agreed on that and Udina told them he and Anderson would go ahead and prepare everything for the Council. "Take a few minutes to collect yourselves and then meet us in the tower."

Tali offered her help and Nick gladly accepted, if a little hesitantly. Shepard inquired if it wouldn't interfere with Tali's pilgrimage. After being reassured that was no issue - quite the opposite, actually - she agreed.

While they were waiting to be heard by the council for the second time in one day they had some time to look around the Citadel some more. Shepard told Garus, Wrex and Tali they could either join her, Kaidan and Ashley or settle in on the Normandy or wait for them in the Council chamber. She was surprised to hear all three aliens wanted to wait until after the hearing. Well, maybe she wasn't that surprised. She would most likely have done the same, wanting to know what was going to happen next.

Kaidan and Ash on the other hand joined her on her stroll through the Presidium. Nick decided to visit Barla Von, even if Wrex was already part of her team now. Maybe the Shadow Broker contact would have some other lead yet. They also met the Consort and Nick found herself agreeing to try to persuade a turian General to drop the defamations he had been spreading. She didn't quite feel comfortable around the asari consort. When the asari had caressed her face she had stiffened, not knowing what to expect. Nick did not like being touched by people she didn't know. It felt almost as though Shaira was trying to seduce her. Well, that wouldn't work. Nick was not into asari, or other females. She had tried a dating a woman once but had quickly realized that something was lacking. She wanted a man when it came to certain... _things_. And the way the asari consort touched her face and then hugged her was usually reserved for people she was much more _intimate_ with.

She was also unaware of Kaidan's or Ashley's reactions to the intimacy the Consort showed towards her as they stood a few feet behind her. He tried to hide his discomfort but couldn't quite keep his fists from curling as he stepped from one foot to the other. and Ashley looked as though she had an unpleasant taste in her mouth. Neither of them were happy with the lack of respect the Consort showed for their XO.

As they continued their stroll through the Presidium they came across a hanar arguing with a turian C-Sec officer. Shepard slowed down to listen in a little. Eventually she shrugged her shoulders and walked on at her usual pace. Surely the C-Sec officer would manage to take care of the hanar on his own. She checked her omnitool. Still no message from Anderson. Well, then they could head to the wards yet, too, right?

"Lieutenant, do you have any idea if we need any medical provisions?" Shepard asked over her shoulder as she walked towards Dr. Michels' clinic.

"I don't know of anything specific, ma'a...Commander." He corrected himself again quickly as soon as he saw her eyebrows shoot up. He couldn't help but notice that her eyes looked more stormy grey than blue from this angle. He glanced over at Ashley who was grinning at him. _Of course_. "It never hurts to stock up on medi-gel, though."

"My thoughts exactly." Nick shot him a quick smile.

Shepard walked into the clinic only to see a clearly troubled doctor talking to somebody who seemed less than friendly. She sighed. "Why is it that every time I come here you seem to be in some kind of trouble, Doctor?"

The doctor tried to play it down but after a look in Nick's face decided to tell them what was going on after all. As soon as she had finished explaining Nick stretched out her hand. "Give me the supplies. We'll take care of it. And I promise you won't be bothered anymore when I am done with them."

"I suppose it is probably best not to ask what you plan on doing." Dr. Michel handed over a package with supplies. Nick just nodded her head in consent. It seemed to her that the doctor was in over her ruddy head. A small voice in her head was saying she should just tell Dr. Michel tough luck and walk away but Nick liked helping people. So she took the package and headed to the sales booths on the Lower Wards. On their way she was hailed again by an Asian looking woman whom she had noticed trying to get her attention earlier that day already. It probably wouldn't hurt to stop there for a minute. After all, knowing her luck she would still be there on their way back to the clinic.

Funny, how things work out, she mused as they left a very happy reporter after Nick had given her the disc she had found in Fists' office. And it was kind of nice to have a journalist in her debt. Sort of. Her omnitool beeped. She opened it and read the message Anderson had sent her.

_The Council is ready for you. 10 minutes, Nick._

"Looks like the doctor's problem is going to have to wait. Apparently the Council is prepared to hear us again." Shepard altered her course and started jogging towards a rapid transit terminal, hailing a cab to bring them to the Citadel Tower.

* * *

A while later Shepard found herself inducted into the Spectres. The turian councilor wasn't thrilled about it but he complied. There was a brief induction ceremony with much less pomp than she had expected. Not that she was complaining or that it lacked pathos. Nick hated official ceremonies. Especially if she was the, ah, guest of honor. _Spectres are trained, not chosen...Spectres are an ideal, a symbol...protectors of galactic peace, both the first and last line of defense..._ She replayed the councilors' words in her mind. _No pressure, huh?_ Now she was supposed to bring down Saren and she fully intended to do so. Maybe she could shove a grenade launcher up his ass and...ok, that might be overkill, but it sure as hell sounded tempting. But the whole situation was so typical. First not wanting to acknowledge anything and then expecting her to put out the fire, so to speak. The good thing was she now had access to Spectre requisitions. After Udina had left mumbling something about her needing a ship and a crew and practically ordering Anderson to follow him she turned to her squad.

"You heard the Captain. Let's go get some new toys!" She rubbed her hands with glee. "You both need new armor and I expect the arms selection to be top-notch as well." She stopped as she noticed Ashley's and Kaidan's puzzled look. "Oh, come on. You don't expect me to take you on missions in that Phoenix armor, do you, Chief? As for your Alliance issue light armor," she looked at Kaidan shaking her head, "I don't think so. I can't have my head of marine detail running around wearing a piece of junk like that. And if you absolutely have to use a pistol let's find you one with a little more _oomph_ to it." This was going to be fun. She loved this kind of shopping.

Before she activated the RapidTransit terminal however she walked over to a obviously flustered admiral. He introduced himself as Admiral Kahoku and after congratuating her for receiving Spectre status he admitted that one of his platoons was missing and he was being stonewalled by the beaurocrats in the Brass. Kaidan and Ashley looked at each other behind Shepards' back. It sure sounded suspicious. Why would the Brass stonewall one of their own admirals? Nick didn't hesitate to offer her help, much to the approval of her squadmates.

She probably shouldn't have been surprised by the Spectre requisitions officer's reaction when the 'special stock' popped upon his display after she had stated her name and rank. She just rolled her eyes as the turian officer tried to hide his surprise. "Just...show me what you've got." Her eyes began to shine as she inspected the Spectre Master Gear equipment. She turned her head to see what her squad was looking at, only to find Ashley right next to her drooling over the HWMA assault rifle. Nick couldn't see Kaidan and turned in the other direction. Of course, she should have known. He was fawning over the omnitools and amps.

"See anything you like, Alenko?" she asked, humor tinting her voice as she watched him almost lovingly run a finger along one of the biotic amps. He jerked his hand away as if he had been zapped and lifted his head to look into her eyes.

"Uh, yeah. You could say that," came his reply as he gazed steadily at her. Suddenly she felt rather warm. What was it with those whisky-colored eyes of his?

"I was talking about the amps." Shepard ignored Ashley's snort and just smiled at Kaidan. He raised an eyebrow and gave her this lop-sided smile of his own that she was beginning to think was surely forbidden _somewhere_ in the galaxy because it was so damn distracting.

"So was I, Shepard. And the omnitools," he added.

 _Was it the first time he had called her by her name instead of Commander or ma'am?_ Nick wasn't sure.

"Of course. The omnitools. How could I forget." This earned her a puzzled look from him. She groaned inwardly and resisted rolling her eyes. He had been serious, of course, after all he was a tech nerd. "What do you have in mind?"

"Ah, these things are pretty pricey, Commander. I'm just dreaming here." Kaidan glanced wistfully over the omnitools and amps. This time she did roll her eyes.

"Alenko," she almost growled, "just bring the stuff over here. And don't you dare take anything different than what you really, _really_ want! Same goes for you, Ash," Nick added, looking at Ashley again. Ashley held out the chosen assault rifle wordlessly. "Just put it on the counter, Chief." Shepard returned her gaze to Kaidan again. He stood between the omnitools and the amps, looking from one to the other undecidedly. She sighed.

"Kaidan," she said softly, sending a pleasant shiver down his spine as she walked over to him, "you can have _both_ , you know. A new amp _and_ a new omnitool. I already got my first Spectre fundings, I checked. Somebody was really quick in processing that. Ashley already picked a state of the art rifle and I think I've found some very good armor for all of us. And a new pistol for you." She motioned over to the heap of merchandise on the counter. "Not to mention all the toys I want to get for myself. Don't worry about how many credits it costs."

His eyes widened even more and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Uh, I'll just take the Logic Arrest." He picked up the omnitool and went to the counter, not seeing Shepard grab the Serrice Council amp he had been admiring.

"If that's really all you want. I guess we can always come back and shop for more." She shrugged. "Okay, let me wrap things up here and then we take care of that little errand for Dr. Michel." She paid for everything and had it delivered straight to the Normandy. As soon as that was taken care of they headed to the Lower Wards.

Down on the Wards she headed to a booth right by the door. The salarian clerk greeted her.

"Welcome to Morlan's shop. What can I help you with? I have some fine some upgrades. I am certain you will find something to your liking here."

"Not what I'm here for, Morlan."

He seemed taken aback when she mentioned she was there for a shipment of medical supplies and started stuttering that the doctor was supposed to bring the supplies. He was rudely interrupted by a krogan.

"I told Banes you'd screw this up," the krogan blackmailer growled. He turned to Shepard. "And tell the doctor she'd better remember the deal or we will spill her little secret." He flexed his muscles threateningly.

Nick looked him up and down. She pulled back her upper lip in a snarl. "Talk and you're dead."

Oddly enough the krogan backed off, muttering. Maybe it had been the cold gleam in her eye and the steel in her voice. Or - what Shepard didn't know - maybe the krogan had seen the short biotic flare Kaidan had been unable to suppress. Or the fact that Ashley was suddenly handling her assault rifle fondly. Whatever it was, the krogan left. And it seemed as if everybody near by started breathing again.

* * *

Some time later - after Shepard had returned to Dr. Michel's and asked who this Banes was the krogan had talked about - they finally stepped out of the elevator of the docking bay. To their surprise Udina was waiting there together with Captain Anderson. Both men turned to face them as they approached.

"We have big news for you, Commander. Captain Anderson is stepping down as commanding officer of the Normandy. She's all yours now."

Shepard stopped short in her tracks.

"Say again?" She blinked like an owl. For the first time Kaidan had the feeling she was at a loss for words. She looked from the human ambassador to the Alliance captain. "You're yanking my chain, right?"

"You need a ship, Shepard. She's fast, quiet and you know the crew. The perfect ship for a Spectre," Anderson stated firmly.

"Well, yeah. But...you can't just relieve the Captain!" Shepard didn't seem overly thrilled of suddenly being commanding officer of the Normandy. She threw a quick glance at the ambassador. What ever she had wanted to say she obviously didn't want to mention in front of Udina. The ambassador was seemingly oblivious of the short lapse in her demeanor. He continued undeterred.

"The Council also wishes to inform you that they have several leads for you. Matriarch Benezia's daughter is an archeologist who is supposedly somewhere in the Artemis Tau cluster. Then there is a colony on Feros which is being attacked by geth and finally they have received reports about geth interest in the corporate research on Noveria. And Commander? Try being diplomatic."

"I'll deal with Saren and his cronies. You do your job and deal with the political fallout."

"Not the answer I was hoping for," Udina muttered shaking his head as he walked towards the elevator. Shepard waited until he was out of earshot before turning back to Anderson.

"Uncle Dave, will you tell me now why you aren't our captain anymore? How are you holding up?" She was genuinely concerned.

"I admit this wasn't how I wanted to end my career but in this case Udina is right. It was time to step down and I am more than happy that you are my successor. I wouldn't want just anyone commanding the Normandy. She's all yours, treat her well." Shepard saluted, confirming she would do her best. He then told her details about his dealings with Saren. Shepard listened closely. She bit her lower lip, considering her next move.

"I think we'll look for this Dr. T'soni first."

"You're a Spectre now. You can do whatever you choose. You answer to the Council only," Anderson reminded her. She snorted.

"Yeah,right. Oh, before I forget. Can you tell me anything about Armistan Banes?" Shepard asked.

"Where did you hear that name? On second thought, I don't want to know. As far as I know he is dead. Admiral Kahoku might know more."

"Thanks. I should go now." Shepard set off for Normandy's airlock, Kaidan and Ashley right behind her. She hesitated slightly before entering Normandy's decon chamber. When she stepped aboard she drew a deep breath. She was alone with her first command.

The Normandy.


	6. Downtime

As soon as they were aboard the Normandy Kaidan excused himself when Shepard turned to go to the cockpit, intending to go to the medbay. She nodded in approval and he went on his way, followed by Ashley. He felt a another migraine coming on and wanted to head it off as early as possible. He waved at Wrex, Garrus and Tali in the mess as he passed them on his way, noticing that Ashley was no longer behind him. She had stepped onto the elevator instead of going into the mess as he had thought she might. As he walked through the doors into the medbay Dr. Chakwas looked surprised at seeing him.

"Lieutenant, do you have another migraine?"

"It's just starting, doc. And last time you told me off for waiting too long, so I thought I'd stop by before it gets too bad. Can you give me something that won't knock me out?" He winced as a sharp pain shot through his left temple. He rubbed his fingers in circles over his temple. Kaidan felt a little miffed. This was the second migraine within less than a day. He generally didn't get them that frequently.

"It is nice to see someone follow doctor's orders. I will give you your regular medication, only with a lower dose. What triggered the migraine, Kaidan?" Dr. Chakwas kept a close record on his migraines. What triggered them, the intensity and duration. She motioned for him to take place on one of the bunks as she powered up her omnitool for a diagnostics scan.

He was just about to reply when the comm crackled. They both stalled, waiting for the announcement.

" _This is Commander Shepard speaking. We have our orders. Find Saren and bring him down._ " She paused. " _This all started with the attack on a human colony on Eden Prime. Our enemy is ruthless, inflicting unknown horrors on his foes. We will not forget the colonists that were...transformed...into husks. We will not forget the marines that died defending them!_ " Her voice had become more passionate with every word. She paused again and went on in a considerably softer tone. " _But not only human lives are on stake here, no. All lives in the galaxy are. If we want a place on the Council humanity must step up and be willing to do its part_." She drew in a breath before continuing. " _I won't lie to you, crew. This will not be easy. But that is not the point. No matter how difficult this turns out to be I have no intention on losing. He will expect that we are coming, he will be prepared. But so will we! Everybody expects us to stop Saren and I promise you: We will stop him!_ "

There was the tell-tale click indicating Shepard had hung up the comm. Dr. Chakwas looked at him expectingly.

"You were just about to answer my question before the Commander interrupted. What triggered the migraine?"

"Not quite sure, doc. Possibly Chora's Den. Flashing lights, pounding bass. Using my biotics shorty before. I don't know. Pick one or maybe all."

"Where does it rank on a scale from one to ten?" Dr. Chakwas held an empty syringe in her hand, waiting for Kaidan's response.

"It started as a three-and-a-half. Now it's passed five going hard on six. Yesterday's was a solid ten, by the way." He rolled up his sleeve, waiting for the injection, his mood sullen. The doctor adjusted the amount of medication in the syringe. A moment later she gave him a pat on the back.

"You're good to go, Kaidan. Go get something to eat and then find a quiet place to sit down. And I'm sure I don't have to remind you to stay hydrated." She gave him a stern glare. "The medication might make you feel a little light headed, but it shouldn't put you to sleep. Although you might feel drowsy."

"Thanks, doc."

As he stepped out into the mess he heard Shepard talking to the three aliens aboard. The medicine was starting to work already and the light-headedness was beginning to set in. 'A little light-headed' was definitely an understatement if there ever was one. He had only received the injection a minute ago and already he felt a pleasant buzzing in his head. A short shudder of the ship and the shift in inertia told him they had just passed the mass relay and jumped to FTL.

"There should be plenty of dextro-food aboard. I requested it as soon as possible. Another problem is accommodation. Wrex, there is no way in hell you'll fit into a sleeper pod. And Garrus, you should just barely fit in but it would be more than uncomfortable. Sooo, I had two camp beds set up for both of you down in the cargo hold. Just...don't kill each other, got it?" The two aliens in question nodded. "Good. Tali, you can have my pod or I can also have a cot set up for you. Your choice." She paused and looked passed Tali and Garrus. "Lieutenant, is everything alright?"

"Not yet, but it'll be better soon," Kaidan replied, his voice oddly thick. He felt as though his tongue was sticking to the top of his mouth. She gave him a puzzled look. "Have a migraine coming on and just went to see the doc for my meds. Now I'm happily drugged and will either be knocked out cold within the next ten minutes or...well, a little high. Depends. Asked her not to give me too much."

"Wow. You must get the really good stuff." Shepard tried raising only one eyebrow and failed miserably. She just couldn't do that, no matter how hard she tried. Kaidan on the other hand must have perfected it, judging by the arched eyebrow and the lop-sided grin on his face. _I am so in trouble._

"Guess so. But before I start singing O Canada or doing anything else remotely stupid I'm going to grab a bite to eat. Doctors' orders." He walked on towards the galley where the mess sergeant was already piling food on a plate for him. Military chow may not taste like much but Kaidan had quickly learned that being on friendly terms with the personnel working in the galley had its advantages. The mess sergeant liked him. He was one of the few people who could just help themselves in the galley. He also always got food that resembled...food. And plenty of it. Sure, being a biotic he got more anyway. But it didn't matter at what time he walked into the mess. He wondered if some poor sod got some truly horrible leftovers because he got this huge portion of almost-real food. Now it was a plate with sandwiches piled on it and a bowl of fruit. Fresh fruit.

"Here ya go, sweetie. If you're still hungry after this there's pie yet, too." The mess sergeant's voice traveled over to Shepard, who was shaking her head in disbelief.

"I don't know how he does it," she turned to Wrex, Tali and Garrus who were still standing there with her. "I swear, we weren't aboard two days and the mess sergeant started having special food for him. And if she's too busy to make him something he can go in there and fix it himself. I tried that once and I got practically kicked out. All I'd wanted was a frigging sandwich!" Shepard sighed. "Huh, maybe I should ask if she needs help with the dextro food."

She got up and walked over to the mess sergeant, giving Kaidan a smile as he passed her on his way to sit at the table. The short smile he flashed in return had her feeling dopey.

"You'll have to wait a minute, Commander. The other sandwiches aren't done yet. The Lieutenant got the first batch." There was less warmth in the sergeant's voice than just a minute ago, Nick was certain. She was almost jealous. Why should she be jealous if the mess sergeant was nicer to the lieutenant than to others? _But you are,_ an inner voice told her _. No I'm not,_ she retorted to herself _. Yes, you are. Am not. Are too._ This was ridiculous. Now she was arguing with voices in her head. That damn beacon must have scrambled her brain. Shepard cleared her throat.

"Thank you, Sergeant, but that's not why I came over. I was wondering if you needed any help with the dextro food. I honestly don't know what the differences to our chow are, if it has to be prepared differently or so." She shrugged and was surprised she had managed to keep any hint of annoyance out of her voice.

"Not so different, ma'am. Thanks for the offer. You can tell the dextros their sandwiches will be ready in a few minutes. " The sergeant pushed a plate with sandwiches in her hand. Considerably less than had occupied Kaidan's plate, Shepard realized as she walked back to the table. Ashley and Joker were there now as well with Ashley sitting as far away from Garrus and Wrex as possible. She really had to find out the story behind William's dislike of alien species.

Nick sat down next to Garrus and passed on the mess sergeant's message. She pursed her lips as she looked around at the table, apparently trying to decide on something. Shepard threw a glance at Kaidan who was busy tucking away his sandwiches at an alarming rate. With a small shrug she picked up one of her sandwiches as well. She chewed thoughtfully as she looked at her crew members sitting at the table. She cleared her throat again and began speaking.

"Ok, I know this is probably not the place for a debrief but since we are all here I don't see a problem in it. And it's not like I'll be telling you anything confidential. Before I get to our current mission, though, I want you to be aware of the new toys I got us today. Garrus, Wrex, Tali - I am afraid there were no new weapons or armor in it for you yet. For one thing I don't know which equipment you already have or what your preferences are. Kaidan and Ashley on the other hand I know what they have and I have a pretty good notion of their preferences. Next time on the Citadel you guys get to visit Spectre requisitions with me, promise. However I also stocked up on different ammo and mods, so help yourselves. Wrex, I am guessing your equipment is more than up to par. Your shotgun sure packed a punch back at Chora's Den. Garrus, I have no idea which standards C-Sec had. It looked close to military grade to me. And Tali, I noticed you carry a shotgun and a pistol. And probably a top-notch omnitool."

She paused,waiting for a reply. When none came she turned to face Joker.

"Our course for the next jump is set?"

"Yes ma'am. Do you think I'd be here otherwise? The bridge crew has everything under control. Even I've gotta eat sometime." He sounded almost insulted. Shepard gave him an apologetic shrug.

"Sorry. That was a stupid question. Let me rephrase it. What's our ETA?"

Kaidan tried listening to what she was saying although he was having some trouble concentrating. The slight high from his medication had ebbed off somewhat thanks to the food but he was beginning to feel tired. He rolled his shoulders to loosen up and in hope of driving off the drowsiness. It wasn't working. He rubbed his hand across his face. He felt embarrassed as he noticed Shepard looking at him quizzically. He couldn't breathe. Being under the surveillance of those blue-grey eyes made him feel like a fly trapped in a web. The real problem was he rather enjoyed it.

She turned her gaze away from him again and continued speaking. Kaidan was under the sensation of being released from a spotlight. He exhaled slowly and cursed his head again - even if the migraine was gone now - as well as his hormones. He was glad he still had a sandwich he could take a big bite of to conceal his feelings. Or so he hoped. _I am in trouble._

"Uh, where was I? Right. Anyway. We are headed for the Argos Rho cluster to look for an asari by name of Liara T'soni. She is an archeologist and expert for protheans. And she just happens to be Matriarch Benezia's daughter. What a coincidence!" Sarcasm dripped from her voice causing sniggering around the table. "Once we reach Argos Rho we will have the fun job of finding a planet with prothean ruins and then hope we find the ruins where this Dr. T'soni is working. You all heard when our ETA is. That's all, folks."

At this everyone continued eating in silence. Wrex was the first to leave the table, followed shortly after by Garrus and Tali, who both said they wanted to get settled in properly.

"Commander, can I ask you something?" Joker asked as soon as they heard the elevator door close.

"You just did."

"Riiight. I meant another question, of course." The pilot rolled his eyes at his grinning CO. "Why do you call Anderson 'Uncle Dave'? Or is that too personal?"

Ashley was just about to steal some fruit from Kaidan but her hand froze at the question and Kaidan pulled the bowl out of her reach. All three looked at Shepard expectingly. She just tilted her head to the side.

"I also call Admiral Hackett 'Uncle Steve', you know. Look, Hackett went through basic with my parents and my dad and Anderson grew up as neighbors together in London when my dad lived there several years as a kid. They were friends already before my dad enlisted, despite my dad being several years older. I guess it's not really surpring that I call both of them Uncle, although I'm not supposed to do it while on duty, of course. Not that I don't do it anyway." She leaned back. "And they are both my godparents."

"You don't have a godmother?" Ashley sounded surprised. She pouted when realized she couldn't reach the fruit bowl anymore and made a rude gesture towards Kaidan.

"Nope. Two godfathers, both Alliance Naval officers. And I saw that, Chief."

"Sorry Skipper, but LT pulled the fruit bowl out of my reach."

"Hey Chief, if you wanted fruit you only had to ask. But if you try stealing it from under my nose I'm not going to share," Kaidan said plainly before taking the last fruit and popping it in his mouth. He chewed and swallowed. "Or you could always just ask the mess sergeant."

"No, Alenko." Shepard shook her head. "If one of us," she pointed at Joker, Ashley and herself, "go and ask the mess sergeant for more of anything she'll tell us off, saying we already had our share."

Kaidan didn't look convinced. "Commander, I'm sure you can get whatever you want if you work your charm."

Nick put her head back and laughed. "My charm? I don't think she's susceptible for my charm." She looked straight at Kaidan and smiled. "Sorry. But I would bet any amount of creds that if _you_ ask her she'll give you a bowl of fruit big enough for the four of us."

He returned her gaze, a small smile playing on his lips. "You think so, huh?"

He winked at her and stood up. Taking his empty dishes he walked over to the galley, Shepard watching him closely.

"Your staring, Skipper," Ashley smirked.

"Just want to see if my assessment was right," Shepard defended herself. Damn.

"Riiight." She heard both Joker and Ashley say simultaneously.

Obviously her assessment had been more than correct for Kaidan not only returned with a large bowl of fresh fruit but also with a cherry pie.

"If we run out of fruit before we have a chance to restock it's all your fault," Kaidan said as he set both on the table. "And the pie is mine. So, if you want any - ask!"

They sat for a while yet with until Joker returned to the helm and Kaidan and Ashley both went back to their stations.

Shepard remained at the mess table alone for a while after they had taken their leave. Her thoughts circulating around the upcoming mission and the fuzzy feeling she got when thinking about the Lieutenant. It didn't help that she could watch him working at the control panel next to her door. After some time she gave up and went to her cabin. She would deal with her personal problems later. Maybe when there was time she could try talking to her parents about this. _You have got to be kidding. You've known him for - what? A week? - and you want to ask you parents what you're supposed to do? Pathetic!_ The mission had to come first. Always.

"Wonder if he feels just as messed up as I do, dammit," she muttered as she dressed down to her skivvies before putting on the N7 tank top she used as a night shirt. She quickly checked the duty roster for the next day and typed up the remaining reports that had to be sent to the Brass before hitting the rack.

* * *

Shepard woke up at three o'clock and was wide awake. She had had a dream about the beacon and sleep now seemed to evade her. After tossing and turning for half an hour she decided to get up. Nick pulled on some fatigues and walked out. She was more than surprised to see Kaidan working at the control panel next to her door, muttering to himself. Had he been working here the whole time? He flashed out his omnitool and scanned the terminal, only to pull off the cover after he had run the diagnostics and starting to rewire the whole thing. Kaidan was so engrossed with the task at hand he remained oblivious of Shepard standing there watching him. She cleared her throat to get his attention, resulting in him smacking the back of his head on the bottom of the terminal. She winced.

"Tell me you haven't been working here all night," Shepard said.

"No, ma...Commander. Only the past half hour or so." he rubbed the back of his head, shooting an annoyed glance at the terminal. "I have to calibrate the settings on that thing every day. And I woke up around three with an idea of how to fix it and wanted to try it out."

Shepard stared at him. She clearly thought he was out of his mind. "And that couldn't wait until later? I happen to know you are not a morning person, Alenko. Having to jump out of your way every morning so you can get coffee first thing is a dead giveaway."

"That's something completely different, Shepard. After all you're up at this ungodly hour as well. But coffee sounds just about right."

"Perfect. Grab a mug and let's sit down." She poured herself a coffee and frowned as she took a swallow of the hot beverage.

"Is something wrong with the coffee, Commander?" Kaidan sat down across from her, his coffee mug hovering just below his lips.

"Apart from the fact that I hate coffee everything is fine." This earned her a perfectly arched eyebrow from the lieutenant.

"Eh, Commander, if you don't like it why do you drink it?"

"I like it with hot chocolate. And only with hot choc. And I have no idea where in the galley to find cocoa for a proper - ." Her voice trailed off as Kaidan stood up and walked over to the galley. A few minutes later he returned with two mugs, one filled with steaming hot chocolate, the other empty. He unceremoniously took her coffee mug, poured half of it into the empty mug, filled it up with hot chocolate and set it on the table in front of her.

"Cheers, Commander." He sat down again with a rather smug expression on his face and an utterly flabbergasted CO sitting across from him. Kaidan took a swallow of his coffee and watched Shepard take a careful sip of hers. To his delight she raised her eyebrows and licked some chocolatey foam off her upper lip.

"Damn, Alenko. This is good! How did you know?" She took another swallow, closing her eyes and humming with glee. When she opened her eyes again she saw a blush spreading across his face.

"My sister likes her coffee like that," he explanation and rubbed the back of his neck again, looking at her sheepishly. _Stop flirting with your CO, Alenko!_

"Then relay my thanks to your sister for teaching you to make an outstanding hot chocolate. Is there a spice in here?"

"Some chili. Not too much, though."

"Hmmm, seriously, Kaidan. This has to be the best coffee I have ever had. Do you have any other talents I should know about?" she purred. He blushed even darker and murmured something incoherent. It was her turn to blush now, realizing her tone hadn't been quite appropriate. _That might've been a little suggestive, ask him something else, quick!_ "You said you have a sister. Any other siblings?"

"Yeah, a brother. They're twins and almost six years older than I am. You?" Kaidan relaxed a little.

"Nope. Only child. It's probably nice having siblings, though." She sounded wistful.

"Not really. They seemed to get me into trouble more than anything else. If they did something wrong they'd team up and blame it on me. If something broke that I couldn't reach they'd say I used biotics. So, no. Having siblings can be a real pain." He shrugged. She couldn't know that after his biotics had manifested there had been a long time during which he had been the scapegoat for his elder siblings, especially his brother. It still poisoned the relationship to a certain degree. "Practically the only thing my brother and I talk about is hockey. Erin and I are a little closer. She's an engineer, so we can always talk about tech. We get along better now than we did as kids. She helped me after - ," he broke off.

"Right after what?"

"Sorry, Commander. I'd rather talk about that some other time." He didn't want to talk about BAaT right now. He glanced at the clock. It was almost 0430.

"No problem. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, just wanted to get to know you better. I never realized siblings could be so much trouble. Anyway, thanks for the talk, Kaidan."

"Well, you're welcome." He looked at her uncertain. "Do you, uh, do you make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?"

"Only to a certain degree. I like to know my crew but I don't get to know everyone equally well. Maybe we can talk more again later?"

"Later? Yeah, I'd like that." Kaidan got up. "I'm going to get some PT done and take a shower before the big morning rush starts."

She almost felt like saying " _Great idea! Maybe we can spar!"_ but obviously her common sense had kicked in. That might not be the best idea. Shepard brought away her dirty dishes and returned to her cabin to put on a proper uniform. Her heart was throbbing like after a wild dash as it was. She would refresh what she knew about the Artemis Tau cluster. If she remembered correctly it consisted of four systems: Athens, Knossos, Macedon and Sparta. According to Admiral Kahoku his missing marines had been headed for the Sparta system. They would check after finding Dr. T'Soni. She spent almost an hour researching and came to the conclussion the Knossos system was most promising. She checked the time. Her shower would have to wait. They should be hitting the mass relay soon.

After a last glance at the information she had found she made her way to the helm. As she entered the CIC she saw Joker slowly walking in front of her. He obviously wanted to relieve whoever was currently flying the Normandy. She was aware she should know who was at the helm. Kaidan and Pressley probably did.

"Joker, as soon as we've entered the cluster set course for the Knossos system."

Her Chief Helmsman turned around in his seat. "Aye-aye, ma'am. And good morning to you, too."

She waved off. "When will we hit the relay?"

"Five more minutes, Commander."

"Very good. Let me know when we reach the Knossos system." She turned and walked back through the CIC to take a quick look at the galaxy map before grabbing some breakfast.

In the mess she saw Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus and Tali already at the table. Ashley offered her some coffee and looked taken aback when she declined. The gunnery chief apparently belonged to the marines that ran on coffee. Shepard wanted a nice black tea for a change. She hadn't had any tea since before joining the Normandy and she was sure the coffee Kaidan had made in the small hours had spoiled her. She didn't feel like drinking the regular brew just now. Nick got her breakfast and sat down to eat.

She had hardy finished eating when Joker called her over the comm.

"Commander, we've entered the Knossos system. Aparently there are prothean ruins on Therum. ETA ten minutes."

"Thanks Joker. Take us in." She looked at Kaidan and Tali. "Tali, Alenko, you're it. Suit up. You have fifteen minutes to meet me by the Mako."


	7. Therum

Ten minutes later Shepard, Alenko and Tali stood beside the Mako, checking their weapons before getting in for the first drop. Shepard snapped her sniper rifle to her back and turned to face Tali.

"Have you ever dropped in a Mako?"

"No, Shepard. Is there anything I have to watch?" The young quarian sounded wary. Shepard's face broke into a wide grin.

"A first-timer! You are in for a fun ride, Tali. The Mako may not be the most comfortable vehicle," Kaidan snorted. Not comfortable was putting it mildly. Shepard shot a short glare at him but continued as if she hadn't heard, "but it is a blast to ride. It has micro-thrusters and a small eezo-core, making it possible for it to be airdropped. It can climb insane inclines, take extreme temperatures and is enviromentally sealed. Not to mention it has a 155mm mass accelerator cannon and a coaxial-mounted machine gun." She was obviously an enthusiast. Garrus and Ashley, who were standing off to the side, were both nodding wildly. They looked envious.

Kaidan had to admit she had a point. Practice runs in the Mako _were_ fun, an airdrop not quite so much. At least not in his opinion. Tali looked at the Mako apprehensively. Kaidan couldn't quite blame her. The Commander seemed a little _too_ enthusiastic.

"Commander, we have geth activity groundside." The sound of Joker's voice interrupted any further explanations concerning the Mako. "There are prothean ruins as well as an abandoned mine nearby. I'll try to drop you as close as possible."

"You heard the man. Time to rock'n'roll!" Shepard double-checked her ammunition one last time. She grabbed another handful of Tungsten rounds only to see Kaidan and Tali doing the same. She nodded to them and climbed into the Mako. She looked over her shoulder and gave some final orders to her ground squad. "Alenko, you take the guns. Tali, keep an eye on the electronics. Radar, shields, everything. _I_ drive." The last words were spoken as she hopped in.

Kaidan now turned to look at Tali with a small grin. "Two words of advice, Tali: brace yourself!"

As soon as they were all settled she called Joker over the radio. "Anytime now, Joker."

"Aye-aye, ma'am," came the prompt response. "Opening the cargo bay door in three...two...one...go!"

As soon as Joker said "go!" Shepard put the pedal to the metal. The Mako lurched forwards, shooting toward the opening at top speed and then... _dropping_. Joker had left the comm to the cargo hold open so the ground team members remaining aboard the Normandy could hear the radio feed. What they heard was a delighted "Whoo-hoo!" from Shepard and a squealing sound from Tali and something that sounded like "Kee'lah!". Kaidan kept silent.

The Mako had barely touched ground when Shepard slammed on the brakes. She turned around in her seat and looked expectantly at her squadmates. Kaidan just gave her a thumbs up, whereas Tali was still holding on to her seat. Shepard laughed and turned her attention back to the path in front of her.

"Anything on the radar, Tali?"

"No, it looks clear, Shepard. At least no geth. There is a lava stream to our left, though."

"I see it. Ok. Here we go." To Kaidan's surprise she set off at a rather slow speed. After that drop he had expected her to push the Mako straight to its limits. He heard a sigh of relief from Tali and couldn't help but grin to himself.

They had only driven a short way before Joker radioed them again.

"Commander, we have some strange readings from what appears to be the abandoned mine. And I mean like off the damn chart! It's only a few clicks from the drop site. Sending you the coordinates now."

Tali confirmed that the coordinates had been received. Shepard let the Mako picked up speed as the radar showed no sign of enemy forces. They had just driven over a tongue of land dividing two lava streams when Tali suddenly called out.

"Contact!"

"I see it!" Shepard called. "A Geth Dropship of some sort just flew overhead. Let's see what the surprise package was. Alenko, stay frosty!"

"Aye-aye!" He kept a close look out at the road before them. There! The weapons system finally had a mark. Two Geth Armatures, to be more precise. He checked his target and fired the cannon. This wasn't exactly his favorite line of work. He couldn't use the tech skills he had honed over the years, nor could he use his pistol. Not even his biotics were of any use right now. Not to mention that his last practice run in the Mako had been some time ago. And that had been driving and not on the 155mm. Nonetheless he managed a solid hit the first shot. He felt a wave of pride wash over him. Apparently all the training was good for something. As a sentinel he usually didn't get many opportunities to shoot a mass accelerator cannon. Unfortunately the second shot went wide. He cursed quietly as he realigned the cannon for a third shot. He had to hurry as Shepard was closing the distance between them and Tango 1 quickly. The third shot just scraped the Armature, the angle had become too steep. He switched to the machine gun and started firing round after round at the Armature until Shepard deftly rammed it, knocking it over. Then she put the Mako in reverse and ran over it again. This was repeated several times, always evading the second Armatures siege pulse. Kaidan used the short moment of change of direction to fire the mass accelerator cannon at the second Armature. It was a good tactic. They were far enough away that Shepard could evade the siege pulse and the short pauses he had between each shot were just long enough to reload the cannon. In retrospect he was glad Shepard was driving. He wasn't sure if he would have come up with the idea of just flat out ramming the Armature.

They drove on until they were greeted by three mounted turrets guarding a choke point in front of the closed gates of an outpost. Shepard brought the Mako to a halt.

"I don't think we can take that strongpoint head-on!" Kaidan exclaimed as the turrets fired at them.

"There is a path leading east just in front of us. If we can't go in through the door, maybe we should try a window?" Tali suggested. Shepard just grunted in conformation as she backed up the Mako again.

"Do you still have a visual on the first turret, Lieutenant?" she asked. Obviously her affirmative grunt had just meant she had understood them, not that she agreed. She wanted to take out those turrets.

"Only just, Commander." he replied. "But I can take it out."

"Do it!"

When the first turret was down Shepard inched the Mako closer, parking it just so that the salve of the turret just went over their head. Unfortunately he couldn't get the turret into his crosshairs either and he told her so.

"Then we take it out on foot," was her only remark and she signaled for them to exit the Mako. "You two Overload it, Sabotage it, whatever. I'll get into sniping position behind that rocky precipice." She pointed at a nose jutting out just far enough for one person to find cover behind. Shepard dashed to her position, as did Kaidan and Tali. They both sent an Overload at the turret, swiftly followed by a shot from Shepard's sniper rifle. Two shots, a third, and the turret exploded. They did the same thing with the third turret. Before mounting the Mako again Tali groaned audibly.

"Kee'lah! It is so hot! Aren't you two hot as well? I feel like I'm being roasted in my suit. If the quarian fleet ever came here in search of a planet for a colony we would just keep on looking!"

"At least it's a dry heat," Kaidan suggested deadpan as he took place again. "Imagine how bad it would be if it were humid."

Nick shook her head, grinning. Kaidan's humor was apparently just as dry as the heat.

"No, thank you, but I'd rather not. Can't we just stay in the nicely climatized Mako?" Tali shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Don't think I can promise you that, Tali," Shepard stated.

The path Tali had mentioned was a short narrow gorge which led to a path running parallel to the main course. With a turret guarding the choke point. Again. Kaidan took it out with the cannon quickly as Shepard used the same tactic as with the Armatures earlier. As they got close to the outpost it became clear the geth were here in force. Geth Destroyers, Troopers, Rocket Troopers, Shock Troopers and a Juggernaut.

_What fun._

After blasting their way through they drove into the outpost and disembarked the Mako in order to find the switch for the gates. Once this was done - after killing a few more lone geth in the gatehouses and finding some loot - they headed on. Several Armatures as well as Rocket Troopers and Troopers later they came face-to-face with a truly intimidating foe. A Collosus. Shepard quickly put the Mako in reverse. Once they were out of range she turned around and looked at Kaidan.

"It's going to take a while to bring that thing down, Commander," was his only comment. "Strong shields, strong armor. Other than that it's just an oversized Armature, right?"

"My thoughts exactly, Alenko." A dazzling smile followed her words. He felt his mouth become dry and quickly focused solely on the Collosus again as Shepard moved the Mako within range again. He felt adrenaline coursing through his veins. His hands were sweating and he quickly tried wiping them off on his armor before sending the first shot at the Collosus. It was a difficult fight and they had to take one or two hits but luckily no more than that. Tali kept them posted on the situation of their shields and the two hits had her voice pitch at least an octave higher. Once it was done they moved on, but not before Shepard turned around in her seat again in order to praise a job well done. Though she included Tali in her praise, her eyes lingered on Kaidan.

"Nice work on the heavies, Lieutenant." She paused and then continued with a grin and a wink, "For a sentinel. Wouldn't have thought that somebody that uses a pea shooter as a sidearm could use the cannon so expertly."

"Live and learn, Commander. Didn't realize you put me on the cannon for your personal amusement. Might've fooled me there," Kaidan deadpanned in return, eliciting a laugh from Shepard.

They followed the road through two tunnels in which they took out several regular Geth Troopers as well as Rocket Troopers on foot because Shepard figured "You can never get enough target practice."

Suddenly their path was blocked. They exited the Mako to take a closer view at the narrow gorge that lead on. Shepard looked at the Mako and back at the entrance to the gorge biting her lower lip. _Maybe..._ she ran her tongue across her lip. Kaidan slowly took in a deep breath and quickly turned away his gaze. His adrenaline-induced high was slowly wearing off and that in combination with the odd sensation Shepard's smile had aroused in him made him feel giddy.

"I don't think the Mako fits through there, Shepard," Tali ventured, guessing Shepard's line of thought.

"If so, it's a mighty tight squeeze," Kaidan threw in, having regained his composure. Shepard remained silent. Another minute passed.

"We go in on foot. Stay frosty, people." She pulled her sniper rifle off her back and signaled for them to move out. Unfortunately, they had to move more or less blindly as their HUDs were being jammed. They had gone only a short ways when they ran into a geth welcome party, apparently determined to grant them an especially warm welcome. Once these were taken care of they moved slowly forward. As they moved around a bend Shepard suddenly dashed for cover.

"Sniper at one o'clock!" she called. "Let me deal with the sniper! You two stay in cover and take out anything that gets too close to me!"

As Shepard focused on nothing but the Geth Sniper Kaidan and Tali systematically eliminated any geth that came too close with a combination of biotics, tech skills and sidearms. Once Shepard signaled the sniper was down they moved into the basin, wary of any remaining geth. Continuing up the hill they met only little resistance which was annihilated comparatively easily. They could finally see the entrance to the mine and sprinted towards it. Suddenly they heard the rumble of a dropship. Skidding to a halt they watch in horror as the dropship deployed its troops in their path. Including a Geth Armature. No sooner had the Armature touched the ground it was as if a ban had been lifted off them and they scrambled to cover.

"Well, that's just fuckin' perfect," Shepard commented.

"Yeah, really sweet," Kaidan groaned as he Lifted a Geth Hopper and then fired at it with his new HMWA pistol. "Didn't anyone tell them they weren't invited?"

"I don't think they got the message!" Tali responded as she hacked a Geth Trooper. One by one they took out the geth infantry using every skill they had. Kaidan sent an Overload at a Shock Trooper and then Threw it further back. Then it happened. One of the Shock Troopers managed to get Kaidan in its crosshairs. He grunted in pain as the shots hit him in the side and he stumbled. Tali Overloaded it and Shepard shot its head clean off with her shotgun.

"Kaidan!" Shepard exclaimed, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. Might've cracked a rib." His voice sounded forced. Breathing was painful but the medi-gel was helping with that already. "I think I have to check my shield generator when we're back on the Normandy. And I have a dent in my armor. I'll just have to keep my Barrier up." Shepard gave him another look, a slightly worried expression in her eyes, and then nodded.

"Ok. Now, let's get this Armature out of our way. Alenko _, stay. down._ At least until your shields are fully regenerated. Tali, Overload it as soon as it has fired its first pulse. Kaidan, when you're back in the fight help Tali take down those shields." Her tone broached no argument. She pulled her shotgun from her belt and ventured a peak around the corner of her cover. Quickly, she pulled back and scooted away from the edge as a blast from Armature's siege cannon hit the ground close to her. The combination of Kaidan's and Tali's Overloads brought down its shields quickly and she fired her shotgun. Shepard managed one more shot before the Armature fired his pulse siege again. On the fourth try it finally collapsed.

"About bloody time," Shepard muttered as she led them past the smoking remains of the Armature into the mine. The geth infantry they encountered proved little challenge. Kaidan Threw a Geth Sniper off the catwalk, Tali hacked another and Shepard took out two more standing next to a containment cell with a clean shot with her sniper rifle. As they moved further down Tali looked around.

"It looks almost as if these caverns formed around the ruin. After it was built." She looked at her squadmates. "Don't you agree?"

They both looked around and gave a non-committal shrug. Kaidan was about to respond when they heard the tell-tale whirring of Geth Assault Drones. These were taken out rapidly and they entered a rickety looking elevator. As Kaidan stepped into it he glanced over the edge of the catwalk.

"That's a _long_ way down." Shepard just looked at him and pushed the elevator button. As they went lower the elevator short-circuited and came to a stop between two levels. They jumped off of the elevator and down a broken platform when they heard muffled cries for help. They followed the sound only to see a force field blocking their path and an asari suspended in midair on the other side of the field.

"Thank the Goddess! Pease help me, I'm trapped!" the unknown asari exclaimed. "There are geth here!"

Shepard walked close to the barrier until she could touch it with her hand. She ran her hand along the smooth surface of the barrier, her eyes trained on the asari within.

"Dr. Liara T'Soni, I presume?"

"Yes. How do you know my name?" There was a slight hint of panic in the asari's voice.

"How did you end up in there?" Shepard asked, ignoring Liara's question.

"I was hiding from the geth. I must have pushed a wrong button and triggered a security device. Please, get me out!"

Shepard remained silent for a moment. "Why is Benezia working together with Saren and the geth? And whose side are you on?"

The asari looked shocked. "What? My mother? With the geth? I...I don't know. I haven't talked to her in years! I can assure you, I am definitely not on the geth's side."

Shepard was inclined to believe her. She turned to her squad and signaled them to move out. "Let's find a way around this barrier."

"You have to be careful! There is a krogan with the geth!" Liara called to them. Shepard looked back and nodded in confirmation.

They carefully went on and a short while, as well as some geth infantry, later they stood in front of an old mining laser. Shepard looked around the cavern one more time, checking every nook and crevice. There was a small gap below the compartment Liara was in. Perhaps the mining laser could widen the gap far enough for them to fit through. It was worth a try. Tali, she realized, was trying to salvage something from one of the geth. Kaidan on the other hand was inspecting the mining laser.

"Well, Lieutenant, do you think you can get that thing operational?" she jutted her chin at the laser.

"Sure. Just watch." He expertly hacked it and within less than ten seconds the operational light switched from red to green. He glanced at Shepard from the side. "I thought you did some infiltrator training. Shouldn't you be able to do a simple hack? Or an Overload?"

"Eh, no. I mean, yes, I tried to get the infiltrator badge. But," Shepard grinned almost sheepishly, "I flunked tech. I'm just a regular soldier, Alenko. I still prefer my sniper rifle and I learned a lot. But tech was always a November Golf for me. And now we want a hole right _there_." She pointed at the gap she had noticed earlier.

"Aye-aye, ma'am." He leveled the mining laser and pushed the button. The result was more than satisfactory, as it revealed a compartment similar to the one on the upper level. They went inside and in the back they found a circular platform with a control panel in the middle. It resembled an elevator. Shepard pushed a button and hoped it was the up-button and not the explode-in-my-face button. The prothean elevator began to rise and stopped on the next floor. They stepped into the compartment with the trapped asari archeologist. Liara turned her head in surprise.

"How did you get past the barrier?" she wondered.

Shepard shrugged. "Superior fire power." When she saw Liara'spuzzled expression she explained they had found a mining laser and blasted their way through.

"Ah. Of course." Liara hesitated. "I think that console there should disable the containment field...please."

Shepard looked at Kaidan over her shoulder and nodded. He studied the console shorty and pushed a few buttons. With an 'oof' The asari fell to the floor.

"Thank you," she said. "I..." She stopped short as they heard a nominous rumbling sound and felt the ground tremble.

"What was that?" Tali asked.

"These ruins are unstable. The mining laser must have triggered a seismic event!" Liara answered. Shepard swore and radioed the Normandy, telling Joker they needed extraction ASAP.

"Joker! Get the Normandy airborne and lock in on my signal. Double-time it, mister! We have to GTFO!"

"Aye-aye. ETA eight minutes," Joker confirmed.

Tali gasped. "Eight minutes? That won't be fast enough! He has to move faster!"

"Not much margin for error," Kaidan muttered as they headed for the elevator. The elevator took them to the top level where they were greeted by a Krogan Battlemaster and some geth infanty. Kaidan gripped the handle of his pistol. The krogan tried to convince Shepard to hand over the asari, claiming Saren wanted her and he always got what he wanted. The Commander just shook her head.

"I don't think so. The doctor stays with us."

The krogan attacked.

A few minutes later the Krogan Battlemaster and his geth foot soldiers were history. Shepard had taken out the Geth Sniper,while Kaidan and Tali had focused on the Shock Troopers trying to flank them. Once these were down all three focused on the Krogan Battlemaster. Kaidan Lifted the krogan, sending him flying across the room, and then Threw him smashing against the adjescent wall while Shepard and Tali had their shotguns ready for the kill. It wasn't nessecary. Kaidan felt his amp burning. The Lift had been on of the most powerful biotics he had ever used and the Throw so shortly afterwardshad been hardly less so. It would have been nice to see the asari use her biotics but Liara just cowered next to a pillar, shellshocked. He felt a jab of annoyance but then reprimanded himself. Liara looked overwhelmed. Shepard's voice calling to her to hurry up roused the young prothean expert and she finally got her legs to obey. They ran along the catwalk towards the exit as large boulders began crashing down around them.

"Move, move, MOVE!" Shepard rallied them. Kaidan and Tali sped passed her, Liara following a short ways behind. Shepard brought up the rear. They ran along the passageway and out the door to see the Normandy already hovering there, waiting. As soon as Shepard set a foot in the cargo bay she commed Joker to take them aweigh. She went over to the weapons bench where Kaidan and Tali were already busy cleaning their weapons and began unclasping hers. Once everything was cleaned and reassembled she began to take off her armor. Kaidan, who had just finished squaring away his gear, helped her with a few harder to reach straps.

"Thank you, Lieutenant." Her voice was strictly professional, even if she felt a pleasant shudder run through her body.

"Anytime, Commander."

They went to the elevator and stood silently next to each other as it took them slowly one level up. Shepard went her locker to square away her equipment, while Kaidan went to his sleeper pod to grab his shower kit. He wanted desperately to wash off the sweat and grime from Therum. As he stood under the shower he wished for the luxury of a hollywood shower. He would have to settle for a regular navy shower, though. Surprisingly he didn't have a headache. After the biotics he had used in the mine he had half expected another migraine. Especially after the fight with the krogan. As he dried off Kaidan wondered if maybe his body was just getting used to the more frequent use of his biotics. Feeling clean and halfway refreshed he made his way to the comm room for the mission debrief.

When Shepard entered the room a few minutes later she found her whole team assembled already. Liara was sitting on one of the chairs looking uncertain. Suddenly Joker commed them, sarcasm evident in every syllable.

"Too close, Commander! 10 more seconds and we would have been swimming in molten sulfur. The Normandy isn't equipped to land in exploding volcanoes. They tend to fry our sensors and melt our hull. Just for future reference."

"We almost died there and your pilot is making jokes?" Liara exclaimed in disbelief.

Shepard looked at her and blinked. "Joker pulled our asses out of the fire. I think he's earned a right to a few bad jokes."

"I see. I am afraid I have little experience dealing with humans. I want to thank you again for saving me, Commander. Not only from the volcano but also from the geth. I hesitate to think of what might have happened if the geth had reached me first," Liara said.

Kaidan leaned forward in his seat. "What exactly does Saren want with you? Do you know anything about the Conduit?"

"Only that is in some way connected to the prothean extinction," Liara answered. "That is my real area of expertise. I have spent the last fifty years studying what happened to them."

Shepard raised her eyebrows. "Fifty years? Just how old are you exactly?"

The asari looked embarrassed. "I hate to admit it but I am only 106." This elicited short comments of surprise from the humans present but Liara told them that she was considered hardly more than a child by the asari. She was certain her youth was the main reason her studies and her theories in respect to the prothean extinction were being ignored by other asari scholars. Her research hinted that the protheans were not the first species to disappear and that their civilization had been built on the ruins of those that had been there before. She was certain that the prothean extinction was part of a recurring cycle. She sighed.

"I just wonder what led to their downfall."

"I can tell you," Shepard stated matter-of-factly. "They were wiped out by a race of sentient machines called Reapers."

Liara looked at her in surprise. "The Reapers? I have never heard of them. How can you be so sure? Do you have evidence?"

"There was a damaged prothean beacon on Eden Prime. It showed me visions of the protheans being wiped out."

"Visions? Yes, that makes sense. They must have been used to transfer messages straight into another users mind! You must be remarkably strong-willed, Commander. The beacons were set specifically for the prothen physiology." She rambled on a while until she was interrupted by Ashley, reminding them that this wasn't helping them find Saren or the conduit. Liara apologized. She swayed as she got up, stretching out a hand to keep her balance.

"When was the last time you ate? Or slept? Maybe you should let Dr. Chakwas check you." Kaidan asked, always the medic. Shepard could have kicked herself for not thinking of that. She hadn't even considered asking Liara how long she had been in those ruins. A good thing she had the lieutenant.

"Yes, you might be right. It certainly won't do any harm." Liara sounded grateful as she put a hand to her temple. She looked at Shepard. "Will you allow me to stay aboard? I can't imagine a safer place."

Shepard nodded and a hint of humor tinted her words as she answered. "We have a turian, a krogan and a quarian, so why not add an asari? Welcome aboard. Go and follow Alenko's advice, let the doctor take a look at you. Everybody else - dismissed."


	8. Edolus

They filed out of the comm room. Liara turned to Kaidan outside.

"Lieutenant? Is that correct? Could you tell me where I can find the doctor? Everything was so rushed when we came aboard." She asked almost timidly.

"You don't have to call me by my rank. Kaidan will do," he answered. "I'll bring you to the doc. I should see her as well." He still felt that hit he had taken from that Geth Shock Trooper. The pain had been overridden by adrenaline during battle, but now it was returning full force. Adrenaline was an efficient pain killer. Now, every breath ached, suggesting a possible rib fracture. Not likely, but possible. Kaidan hoped it was only a contusion to the chest wall and not a fracture. A fracture would mean he wouldn't be cleared for ground missions. He hadn't had the time to do a proper diagnosis scan in the field and now he might as well let Dr. Chakwas check him over.

Liara looked at him in surprise. "Why? I'm sorry, I don't know much about your species. Are there many human biotics?"

"No, there aren't that many human biotics. My generation are the first. Human biotics are caused by genetical changes due to Eezo exposure," he explained as they walked down the stairs to the crew deck. Kaidan pointed at the door of the med bay. "Here we are."

He led the way in. "Doc, this is Liara. She wanted to see you. And once she is done I wanted to talk to you yet, too." He nodded at Liara and went back into the mess. As usual after a mission he had to replenish the calories burned during combat. Sure enough, the mess sergeant had a tray ready for him. Thanking her he took it, grabbed a coffee and sat down. He wondered what Shepard was doing. Maybe when she was done they could find the time for a chat. If she was done before he was on duty again which was, damn, in half an hour. He groaned in annoyance. Just then the med bay doors opened and Dr. Chakwas came walking over to him.

"You can come in anytime, Kaidan. But eat first, don't rush yourself."

"I'll be there in five, doc," Kaidan let her know. The doctor looked at his half-full tray and gave him a look he knew from his mother. The look saying 'Young man, you are not getting up from this table until your plate is empty' generally followed by the reprimand 'Chew properly! Don't stuff eveything in your mouth all at once like that!'.

The doctor shook her head. "I just said you are supposed to take your time eating. You don't have to stuff everything down at once. I'll see you in fifteen." With that she went back into the med bay. _Yep_ , Kaidan thought supressing the urge to grin, _just like Mom_.

Ten minutes later he entered the sickbay.

"You're early, Lieutenant," Dr. Chakwas said without looking up from the medical journal she was reading. She closed it and got up. "Not another migraine, is it?"

"Surprisingly, no. My head feels fine, despite the biotics I used planetside. I was wondering if my body adapts to the more frequent use of biotics. But that's not why I'm here. A Geth Shock Trooper nailed me pretty good and I didn't have the time for a proper scan groundside. It's not too bad, some difficulty breathing, feels tender, no crepitus. At first I thought I might've cracked a rib, now I think it's just a contusion." Kaidan gave her a quick rundown as he sat down. The doctor just nodded and began her scan.

"Nothing appears to be broken. Please take off your shirt, Kaidan...Ah, yes. I'd say your self-diagnosis was on the spot. You're going to feel that for a few days. It would be better if you refrain from going on groundside missions the next few days." She started typing something onto her datapad.

"What?! No!" Kaidan was aghast. This couldn't be happening. "I'm fine, doc. I just wanted to be sure there was no fracture. I can go groundside!"

The doctor looked up with a shake of her head, her lips pressed together to a thin line. "You marines are all the same. Very well, Lieutenant. You are cleared to go. But if this gives you any trouble, and I mean any trouble whatsoever, you will inform me and do shipside duty until I decide differently." She put all her authority as head physician and Alliance Major into her voice.

"Yes, ma'am," came the lieutenant's meek reply. _Definitely like Mom,_ Kaidan grimaced, not quite as amused by the comparison as he had been before.

"And Kaidan? You are surely aware that I will also have to inform the commander about this. It will be up to her to assign you for a groundside mission or not."

"Yes, doc." He couldn't keep the apprehension out of his voice. He would be stuck shipside, he was almost certain. Shepard wouldn't take him along if he wasn't at a hundred percent.

He headed up to the helm to take up his duty at the survey station. Sitting there scannimg planets and asteroids for mineral or gas deposits was not a general favorite, but everyone got their turn and today it was his. To his amazement his seat was occupied. Shepard was sitting in it, keeping a close eye on the readings.

"Uh, Commander? I'm on duty station here now."

"Oh, right. Sorry. I'll get out of your way. I'm just goldbricking here anyway. I should be doing my rounds but survey station is perfect if you want to contemplate on things." She got up, standing between his seat for the next four hours and Joker's pilot chair. "I was just ready to scan that asteroid. All you have to do is push the button, the coordinates for the probe are set."

"Thank you, Commander." A hint of annoyance crept into his voice. He tried hard to keep it out, after all he was not upset with Shepard. She heard it nonetheless and gave him a hard look. Immediately she became aware of the firm set of his jaw.

"Is something wrong, Alenko?"

"No, Commander. Everything is fine," he lied as he sat down and launched the probe Shepard had prepared. She was still standing next to his seat and he could feel her gaze linger on him.

"Uh-huh." It was clear she didn't believe a word.

He sighed. "It's nothing major. I just saw Dr. Chakwas because of that direct hit I took on Therum. She wanted to put me on shipside duty for several days, I convinced her not to. She also said she would have to inform you of the situation." _And that it is your choice if I get to go groundside or not_ , he added silently. He didn't want to sound like he was whining.

"Ah. I see. You're worried you won't get to go groundside." She nodded in understanding. "How bad is it?"

"I feel it, sure. But I have had worse." He looked up into her face. She calmly returned the gaze, blue eyes locking into brown. It was as if everything around him had slowed. She nodded again, slowly, not taking her eyes from his.

"Well, you don't have to worry about it today anymore. Once we're done surveying this system we will move on to the Sparta system. According to Admiral Kahoku that is where contact was lost to his missing platoon." She put a hand on his shoulder. "I want to take you and Ash along once we find any sign of them. I want marines on that mission. Tell me how you feel tomorrow morning. If you say you feel good enough, then you're in. I trust you to know what you can handle." She gave his shoulder a quick squeeze and a reassuring pat. With that she left to do her rounds. Kaidan turned his head a fraction to watch her as she walked away. Behind him he heard Jocker snicker quietly. Taking a deep breath he returned his focus on the terminal in front of him, still feeling the imprint of Shepard's hand on his shoulder.

"You've really got it bad, don't you?" Joker asked, watching his reaction closely.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Kaidan muttered. He kept staring at the readings relayed back from the scan. There, the scan found something. He launched the probe.

"Riiight. Come on, Kaidan. I've known you for years." Joker stated, turning back forward. "You're not exactly subtle."

"Great," Kaidan mumbled as he felt himself blush. "Joker, just drop it, ok?"

Joker opened his mouth, ready to retort in his usual snarky way. But something in his friends' posture made him change his mind. This seemed serious.

"Ok. I'll drop it. For now." Joker acknowledged to Kaidan's astonishment.

"Alright. Thanks."

* * *

Meanwhile Shepard went to talk to all and sundry. She started with Tali down in engineering, hoping she could tell her more about the geth. Then she found herself talking with Garrus. She had to admit she really liked the turian. He could turn out to be a really good friend. They talked about his time at C-Sec and the frustration of being saddled with too much red tape. Sure, she could understand it was annoying, but...

"The rules are there for a reason, Garrus. If we start ignoring them just because they annoy us, are we any better than the criminals that treat all rules with contempt?"

"Sorry, Shepard, I have the impression you don't hesitate to do what is necessary to get a job done."

She nodded. "True. I always try to cover all options, though."

"But you can do whatever it takes to get the job done!"

"Just because I can doesn't mean I have to. If it endangers others then I have to try to find another solution, otherwise I am no better than Saren. We do things the right way, not the fastest way." She paused before whispering "Usually. There can be exceptions to the rule. You just have to watch that the exceptions don't get out of hand."

"I ...," Garrus had the look of someone receiving a serious lecture. "I think I understand."

"Good."

After that she tried having a conversation with Wrex which proved difficult. Feeling frustrated she went to Ashley, who was busy dismantling a rifle. "Do you have time for a talk? One-on-one?"

"Sure, Commander. Just...give me...one...moment. There." Ashley put away the rifle and fidgeted around. "There was something I wanted to ask you anyway. You know I was never stationed shipside before and I don't have much...experience...dealing with aliens." she hesitated.

"I keep a rather open-door policy. What's your issue?"

"Should we be granting them access to such important stations such as engines or weapons or life support, Skipper?" Ashley blurted out, glancing over at Garrus who was busy tinkering with the Mako. Shepard followed her gaze.

"Let me ask _you_ something." Shepard turned to look at the Gunnery Chief with a stern expression. "Are you aware that the Normandy was co-designed with the turians? They don't need to spy on us to know what kind of tech we have aboard, the turian hierarchy has the same blueprints the Alliance has. This ship is based on a turian model, never forget that, Chief." She paused. "I don't know where your distrust of Alien species comes from, Ashley, but as long as you are aboard the Normandy you will at least have to work with them. I'm not asking you to be all buddy-buddy with them, just work with them."

"Aye. I'll try, ma'am." And someone else looking like I just told them off, Shepard thought.

As she left Ashley standing there she wondered where the younger womans rigid views of aliens arose from. She continued contemplating about it as she took the elevator up to the crew deck. Liara should have had enough time to get settled in. She nodded a greeting to Dr. Chakwas who was busy at one of the medical stations.

"You will find Dr. T'Soni in the storage room, Commander." Dr. Chakwas let her know and she continued through the med bay.

As soon as she stepped into the storage room Liara rose from her seat.

"Commander, are you coming to check up on me?" The asari now stood face-to-face with her.

"Are you ok? You look better than a while ago." Shepard noticed there was more color to the asari's cheeks.

"Dr. Chakwas assures me I will be fine. I must say I was impressed with her knowledge of the asari physiology."

Shepard was a little surprised of that comment. Why shouldn't Dr. Chakwas have any knowledge of the asari physiology? "It's part of her job. Our doctors train in alien physiology as well as human. You never know who might need patching up. And the doc is one ofthe best. You're in good hands. She knows what she's doing."

Liara bowed her head in consent. "I never properly thanked you for saving me, Commander. If you hadn't shown up..." she faltered.

"First of all, you thanked me on Therum already and then again during the debrief. And secondly, you don't have to call me by my rank, you're not a marine. Shepard will do," Shepard answered. "I'm glad we made it on time."

"Funny, the lieutenant said almost exactly the same thing when I adressed him by his rank and told me 'Kaidan' would do. Shepard, I know you're taking a risk at letting me come aboard. Not everyone trusts me, I have seen the suspicious looks the crew gives me. But I am not Benezia. I will do whatever is my power to help you take down Saren." Liara's voice had grown passionate.

"You will earn their trust, I am certain. Don't worry, I know you won't let me down."

Liara blushed. "That means a lot to hear you say that."

They talked for a while about Liara's life as an archeologist. Nick didn't think that would have been the life for her. She was too much of a people person. Of course she enjoyed solitude every now and then but she enjoyed company even more. At least of a few people. She remarked that Liara must have gotten lonely sometimes. Liara stated that she occasionaly ran into small groups of privateers or mercenaries but that so far she hadn't encountered anything her biotics couldn't handle.

"As for the solitude," Liara cast her gaze down at the floor before looking up again, "it was one of the things that appealed most to me. Sometimes I have to get away from people."

"You don't like other people?" Shepard inquired.

"It's not that I don't like other people," Liara answered. She then explained the role of Matriarchs in asari society and what was expected of her as the daughter of one of the most powerful Matriarchs. She figured maybe that was why she had become an archeologist instead, concluding that it sounded foolish saying it out loud, as if she had become an archeologist only to spite her mother.

"I'd say it's normal for kids to rebel against their parents. It's a part of growing up. I know I did." Shepard shrugged.

Liara laughed. "That is what my mother said when I told her of my decision. But that wasn't the only reason I chose to be an archeologist. I felt drawn to the protheans. That is also why I find you so fascinating." She glanced at Shepard shyly. "You were touched by actual working prothean technology, the beacon marked you."

"Sounds like you want to dissect me in some lab," Shepard remarked dryly.

"What? No! I never meant to offend you. I only wanted to say you would be a remarkable subject for an in-depth study. No, that's even worse," Liara stuttered, becoming more and more flustered by Shepard's inscrutable expression.

"I was only joking, Liara." Shepard decided to relieve her.

"Joking? By the Goddess, now you know why I prefer spending my time away from people." She lifted a hand to her face in embarrassment.

"That's not the best way of learning how to understand other people. Try mingling with others," Shepard mentioned. They continued talking about Benezia and asari culture. At some point they began speaking about the misleading rumors about the asari, especially concerning their sexuality. It was kind of interesting, but Nick also felt a little disturbed talking about it with someone she hardly knew.

As she left the med bay she felt a short pang of regret when she saw that the control panel Kaidan so often worked on was empty, then she recalled he was on survey duty. She sighed. She had been looking forward to talking about the past mission to him. Maybe she would run into him later. Now she finally had to write her mission report. She hated writing reports and had been putting it off, but it was high time to get it done.

* * *

It was nearly 0200 when she got her chance to talk to Kaidan. Alone, that is. Sure, they had eaten dinner together with the others but Kaidan hadn't been talkative. Even less than usual. Afterwards she had found herself talking to her CHENG and her XO, but when they were done Kaidan was not to be seen, so she had retired to her cabin to finish even more paperwork. Later, Shepard woke up after another beacon-induced nightmare and decided a cup of tea would help her go back to sleep. She wondered if Liara could maybe help her make sense of the vision. She was an expert on protheans after all. Pulling on her pair of Alliance sweat pants she left her cabin.

Perhaps she shouldn't have been surprised to see Kaidan sitting in the dimly lit mess, whom she spotted after her eyes had adjusted to the light.

Kaidan had just said good-bye to his sister when he heard the quiet hiss of a door opening. He looked up to see Shepard standing in her doorway, blinking at the light in the mess. He quickly looked down at his omnitool again, willing down the thought that had jumped into his mind seeing her dressed in the snug-fitting N7 tank top and sweat pants, hair falling loose onto her shoulders instead of pinned up in the regulation bun she wore during duty.

"Alenko," her voice drifted over to him, "don't you ever sleep?" She walked over to the table and sat down, tucking one leg under her.

"I could ask you the same, Commander." He pointed at the empty plate in front of him. "I often need a late night snack yet, especially after using my biotics. They burn a lot of calories."

"And so you got a snack and started tinkering with your omnitool? I hope you're not working." She raised her eyebrows, and Kaidan laughed softly.

"No, Erin, my sister, had left me a message and I called her back. No work. Usually I use the time to catch up on the hockey scores or just read something."

She pulled up her other leg, wrapping her arms around it and propping her chin on her knee. Kaidan stared at her. It was so un-Commander-Shepard-like, it was unsettling. Slowly details seeped into his conscience, the strand of hair that kept falling into her face and the fact that the Commander painted her toenails purple. He felt the urge to tuck the wayward strand behind her ear. He blinked. _Stop it, Alenko_!

"You know, Lieutenant, I was actually going to make myself some tea, but since you're up as well, I think I'd like a hot chocolate instead." She smiled at him expectantly. He found himself returning the smile without another thought.

"My pleasure, Commander. It'll take a few minutes. Coffee, too?"

"Nope, I want to go back to sleep again. Are you really drinking coffee at two o'clock in the morning?" She watched him make the hot chocolate.

"I can drink coffee at any time of the day," he replied. They fell into a short silence until Kaidan came back to the table carrying two mugs of cocoa. He set one in front of Shepard and took a swallow of the other. "You're right, hot chocolate sounds nice."

"What do you think of our newest addition?" Shepard asked, blowing on her steaming beverage.

"Dr.T'Soni?" Kaidan gave a small shrug. "She seems to be a sweet girl. She's nice enough."

"Any intentions there, Lieutenant?" The question just slipped out. She felt irrationally annoyed by him calling Liara 'a sweet girl'. 'Sweet' as in 'cute'? Many humans were intrigued by the asari. Maybe the lieutenant, no, Kaidan's open and honest face told her the answer even before he uttered it.

"None whatsoever. I prefer more...adventurous women." He gave her a puzzled look.

She glanced at her mug to hide the relief she was certain would be visible in her eyes. When she looked up again she decided this was a good chance to get to know him a little better.

"Tell me about your sister. Is she with the Alliance as well? You'd mentioned she's an engineer."

"No, she's not Alliance. She could have easily joined, though, as she majored in control engineering. But she always said she prefered civilian life, where she could wear what she wanted, wear her hair like she wanted and so on. She finds military life to restrictive." Kaidan paused. "Erin was the one who influenced me to study engineering physics after...well, she convinced me it would be a good way to spend my time. And she was also the first I told I was going to enlist after I had made up my mind. We used to race each other to see who could figure out an electrical circuit first or who could come up with the best mathematic model of a system. It was fun."

"Sorry, that does not sound like fun to me. More like hell on earth." Shepard shook herself. "Way too much math and tech theory."

Kaidan laughed. "Ok, I am a geek."

"Oh, so am I. Just not a tech geek. But I am very happy to have a tech geek like you here. Very useful. And with your biotics and your abilities as a field medic I get three for the price of one. Can't get much better."

Kaidan blushed at the praise. "I'm just a regular sentinel, Shepard. Nothing more, nothing less."

She waived off his objection and continued speaking. "Now, all I have to convince you of is to branch out weaponwise. That new pistol is better than that old pea-shooter you had but honestly I think the assault rifle would suit you as well." She yawned. "And now I think your hot chocolate is making me sleepy. I'm gonna hit the rack. See ya bright and early, Alenko."

Kaidan wished her a good night and stared at his mug after watching Shepard retreat to her cabin out of the corner of his eye. He really enjoyed these late night talks with the commander. And therein lay the problem. She was his Commander. _Damn it_.

* * *

The next morning the Normandy entered the Sparta system. Shepard was holding her daily morning debrief with her officers when the comm pinged.

"Commander," Joker's voice crackled over the speakers, "we have an active distress signal coming from the second planet in the system."

"Thank you, Joker. Take us in." She turned back to Pressley, Adams, Dr. Chakwas and Kaidan. "I think we're done here. Lieutenant, you're coming with me. Tell Williams to suit up as well. Everybody else - dismissed."

Kaidan saluted and went down to the cargo hold. As he stepped out of the elevator he saw Garrus laying half under the Mako. He hoped nothing was wrong with it. Instead of going straight to Ashley he decided to check with Garrus first.

"Garrus, is everything ok with the Mako?"

"It should be fine. I thought it looked like the suspension on the front left side sagged a little, but it appears to be ok. Why do you ask?" Garrus clicked his mandibles. Kaidan wasn't that good at reading turian expressions but he believed it to be indignation.

"We need it. I've got to suit up and tell Ash to do so as well."

"I bet Tali is happy she doesn't have to drop in the Mako again in such a short time," Garrus remarked. "She said it was the most terrifying thing she's ever done."

Kaidan laughed and answered over his shoulder as he walked over to Ashley. "She'll get used to it."

Ashley had noticed him approaching and quickly assembed the pistol she had been cleaning and put it on the rack.

"Something up, LT?"

He nodded. "Suit up, Chief. We're going to hit dirt as soon as the Commander shows up. There's an active distress signal we have to check out. A platoon of marines went missing in this system. It just might be them."

Ashley nearly jumped to her locker in order to get ready. She had been itching for some action. She finally wanted to put her new rifle to its test. And it made her proud to be chosen for a mission concerning missing marines. Maybe they could save some. Maybe she could save some. The loss of her unit on Eden Prime weighed hard on her shoulders, the feeling that she should have done more, tried harder, even if she was loath to admit it.

They suited up and then walked over to the Mako waiting for Shepard who still wasn't there.

"So, LT," Ashley began quietly, "what's going on between you and the Commander?"

Kaidan stared at her. "What are you talking about? There's nothing going on between us." He leaned his head back against the Mako and closed his eyes, praying that he wasn't blushing. Ashley hadn't been on the Normandy for a week yet and if she suspected something already, god, he didn't want to think of what the rest of the crew might think. He felt Ashley watching him.

"LT, I'm not blind. And you are so obvious trying not to be obvious, if you get what I mean." She flicked away some dust from her armor. "I think you two would be cute together."

He looked at her abruptly. "Ash, does the word 'regs' ring any bells? There is nothing going on. And..." He ran an armored hand through his hair. "She's my Commander. I can't, ok? So just...Drop. It. And that's an order, Chief."

The look Ashley gave him was almost pitying. "Aye. I hear ya, LT."

Ashley was just about to add something when the elevator doors opened and Shepard walked briskly out, snapping the last pieces of armor into place. As if it was the most natural thing she stopped in front of Kaidan and turned her back to him so he could check her armor. He did so quickly and gave her the compulsory pat to let her know she was good to go.

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"Anytime, Commander." He kept his tone and his face impassive. Unfortunately, he could see Ashley smirking out of the corner of his eye.

"All set?" Shepard looked at her two squadmates. A snappy "Aye-aye" from both confirmed her inqiury. "Mount! Alenko, I want you on the sensors and navigation today. Chief, you've got the guns. I drive." There was this slightly maniac grin on Shepards face that always seemed to appear whenever the Mako was involved.

A short while later they touched down on the dusty desert plains of Edolus. Kaidan checked the systems. Everything was in order and the distress signal came in loud and clear. There were some other signals yet that might be worth checking but locating the distress beacon had priority.

"Commander, the distress signal is coming from due north," Kaidan informed her.

Shepard didn't answer, she just accelerated the Mako. They had driven for a few minutes and had just climbed an incline when Shepard suddenly slammed on the brakes.

"Shitshitshit," she muttered, her eyes roaming the scene before her. "Please let it not be what I think it is. Fuck."

"Commander?" Kaidan asked, Ashley echoing the question half a heartbeat later.

Shepard looked into the bowllike depression in front of her with its flat mounds and felt her heartbeat quickening. There, some ways into the depression she could see the remains of an M29 Grizzly and what she was certain were bodies scattered around it. She clutched the steering wheel and breathed in deeply.

"Kaidan, keep a really close eye on our systems. Shield, armor, radar, everything. And I mean _really_ close. If a hostile shows up I need its exact position _yesterday._ " She stressed emphatically. "Ashley, get the 155mm ready. As soon as Alenko gives you the position of our tango be ready to use it. I have some serious driving to do."

"Commander? What are we dealing with?" Kaidan asked with a short glance at her before he looked back at the control panels in front of him. She was pale, almost white in the face and there had been a hint of something in her voice. Fear? He couldn't imagine what would elicit such a reaction from Shepard. Ashley seemed just as perplex and slightly nervous, although she was hiding it well.

Shepard tried keeping her tone light. "Has either of you ever had the pleasure of seeing a thresher maw? No? Well, you will soon."

 _A thresher maw!_ Of course, Kaidan thought, that just might be the one thing that could scare Shepard. She had, after all, lost her entire unit to a thresher maw attack on Akuze.

"A thresher maw?!" Ashley sounded nervous and excited at once.

Nick just nodded. "We can do this. We just have to stay out of its range. Maw acid completely bypasses shields and burns right through everything else. If we take a hit we have to be far away enough from the maw to be able to retreat. Well then, showtime."

She slowly rolled the Mako into the almost circular depression, inching it closer to the M29 Grizzly.

"Tango at 10 o'clock," Kaidan suddenly called out. To his surprise his voice sounded relatively calm. Ashley fired the cannon and as soon as she had done so Shepard stepped on the gas. Kaidan kept updating them on the maw's position. Just once Shepard misjudged how far to go, though, and they took a direct hit. They barely made it out of range. To his surprise Shepard climbed out of her seat.

"Alenko, take the wheel and drive the Mako up that incline and then see what you can do to restore the armor. If the maw heads your way, get moving! Williams, as soon as you can shoot again give me cover. And now get the hell out of here!" With that she jumped out of the Mako.

Kaidan was sure his heart stopped for a second as he watched Shepard run towards the M29 Grizzly. He cursed and drove up the incline Shepard had pointed to. There he watched Shepard dodge acid spit after acid spit. After each maw attack she raised the grenade launcher she had grabbed on her way out. Unfortunately it only had a very limited amount of grenades. Finally the Makos' cannon was back online and Ashley joined the fray from afar. Kaidan felt almost useless. All he could do was watch. He was tempted to disobey his orders and head back into the maw nest. He saw Shepard pull her shotgun and fire it at the maw several times. After what felt like eternity the thresher maw keeled over with a high screaching sound as it disappeared underground and failed to resurface. Kaidan immediately started the Mako up again and drove towards the remains of the Grizzly. As soon as they reached it he and Ashley exited the Mako.

Shepard was examining the distress beacon but she turned around to face her squad as soon as she heard them jump out of the Mako.

"This," she hissed, pointing at the Grizzly, the beacon and the remains of Alliance soldiers scattered across the ground, her voice shaking with rage, "this was a trap. They were lured here. If I ever find the people that had the gall to do this I am going to kill them. Slowly."

Kaidan knelt down to examine one of the dead marines.

"These were Admiral Kahoku's people, Commander," he said grimly. He saw the fire of cold fury burning in Shepards' eyes as he looked up.

"Goddamnit!" Somebody was going to pay for this. "Ok, see if you can find anything. I'm going to take care of this thing." She kicked the false distress beacon and then shot it several times with her shotgun.

After they had mounted the Mako again Kaidan carefully mentioned a few points of possible interest that he had noticed earlier. Shepard admitted it might be useful to check them out. Once that was done they radioed Joker, letting him know they were ready for pick-up. Then they waited in grim silence until the Normandy came into view.

Before they exited the Mako after returning to the Normandy Kaidan looked at Nick, making eye contact. "Commander, when we find whoever is responsible for this we will be right there with you to make them pay."

"Hell yeah we will!" Ashley ground out.

Shepard quickly looked over to Ashley and then returned her gaze to Kaidan, seeing bold determination and a promise in his eyes. The hint of a smile fleeted over her face.

"I know you will."


	9. MSV Ontario

They climbed out of the Mako, expressions so grim the others waiting in the cargo hold took a step back when they saw them. Without saying a word Shepard stalked over to the weapons bench and started dismantling her weapons. Kaidan and Ashley joined her, even if they hadn't used their weapons. They worked in silence.

To Kaidan it seemed as though the air around Shepard crackled with energy. Something was making his biotics respond and he needed all his willpower not to flare. Her anger was still palpable. Liara and Tali had also been in the cargo hold when they returned but after one look in Shepards' face everybody had backed away. Even as they stripped out of their armor there was tension radiating off of Shepard. This mission had really shaken her. Kaidan shared a quick glance with Ashley. He would have liked to give Shepard some kind of comfort but he had no idea how to do it. Apart from that he wondered when Shepard would realize she had nothing to change into as she had come to the cargo hold wearing her armor already.

Shepard suddenly stopped undressing. She had just remembered that her uniform was in her cabin, not down here. She groaned. Dressed in only her underarmor she gathered her armor up in her arms and headed for the elevator. Kaidan blinked, trying to focus on something different than the fact that the underarmor accentuated every curve of Shepards' body. He quickly squared away his equipment and followed her to the elevator together with Ashley. This was getting worse and worse, he had to get a grip on himself. And _that_ metaphor had just gone somewhere horrible. Was he glad he hadn't said that out loud, Ashley would have probably died laughing.

The silence continued through the elevator ride. Slowly the tension seemed to leave Shepard. Her posture was more relaxed as she stepped out of the elevator and walked towards her cabin. That was when it happened.

Some junior crew members were sitting around the table in the mess and they could hear the words spoken drift over.

"...took down a thresher maw! How cool is that?!" Private Fredricks sounded excited. The effect it had on Shepard was quite different, though. When she heard the words 'thresher maw' and 'cool' she dropped her armor and with three big steps was at the table. The next thing the private noticed was being pulled out of his chair and slammed against the wall. Shepard was barely 5'3 and Fredricks was over 6', but she had him pinned to the wall standing on his toes without any effort. He was having trouble breathing as she increased the pressure with her arm on his throat.

"So you think that was 'cool', Private?" she hissed through clenched teeth. "A whole platoon of marines died down there, soldier. Do you have _any_ idea what it's like fighting a maw? No, you _fucking_ don't! I'll tell you. You hear your comrades and friends screaming in pain while you try not to get hit by maw acid, you see them being pulled underground, you smell flesh being rotted off of your friends' bodies by corrosive acid, you smell pee and shit because some soiled themselves in their last living seconds. Friends that a few minutes ago were alive and laughing. And all you can do is try to survive because you know if you try saving them you will die..." her voice sounded choked. "Don't ever say that was 'cool'!" She was breathing hard and again shaking with rage.

Suddenly she felt a firm but gentle grip on her shoulder and a smoky voice reached her through the haze. "Commander! Let go of him."

Shepard spun half around, not releasing the private from her grip, ready to defend herself, to find herself looking up into a pair of toffee-colored eyes. Her lieutenant's eyes, looking at her full with worry, she registered. And the haze lifted. She glanced back at the private, who looked terrified. She slowly lowered her arm and looked down at the floor, feeling utterly ashamed of herself. Kaidan slowly took his hand from her shoulder. She closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath, aware that everyone in the mess had seen her lose control.

"Private," she began in a flat voice, "I apologize. This was absolutely uncalled for. If you want to file a complaint to the Brass you have every right to do so. I will accept any form of punishment they deem necessary."

"No, ma'am. It's...it's alright. You were right. I didn't even try to imagine what it was like for...for them." he was still rubbing his throat.

She bowed her head. "Very well. Thank you. And thank you, Lieutenant," she said as she turned her gaze over to Kaidan, "for stepping in. I appreciate it. I couldn't have a better head of marine detail. Now, I have to report to the Brass." she turned and, after picking up her armor pieces scattered across the floor, went into her cabin.

Everybody remained silent for a minute, staring at the closed door of the Shepards' cabin. Then Kaidan turned his attention to Fredricks.

"Are you alright, Fredricks?"

"Yessir. A little shaken, maybe. But other than that I'm fine."

"Good." Kaidan's voice was grim. "Because you will be doing extra duty, Private. Everybody on this ship knows about Akuze and what happened to the Commander there. Yes, the Commander overreacted, there is no excusing that. Nevertheless, you will report to me first thing tomorrow morning and I will inform you further."

"Aye-aye, sir." The poor private saluted. The marines aboard were not used to hearing this tone from the lieutenant. So far he had always been understanding and rather pliant. As long as they did their duty he hadn't told them off for anything they had said. Obviously some line had been crossed now because the lieutenant had a stern look on his face and his whole posture made clear he hadn't been put in command of the marine detail on a whim. Kaidan was no pushover, even if some had that impression.

"Dismissed, Private."

* * *

Shepard leaned against the door of her cabin. How could she have lost control like that? She had thought she had gotten past Akuze. _Obviously not_. Slowly she walked over to her bed and laid her armor down on it. She needed a shower. Bad. But first she had to report what had happened to those marines. She sat down at her desk and opened the communications terminal.

"Computer, I need a private connection to Captain Shepard, my mother. She's the XO on the SSV Kilimanjaro."

"A private connection to the Kilimanjaro not possible at this time," the automated voice of the Vi told her after a short time. She considered her options and made her choice.

"Then give me a private connection with Admiral Hackett."

As the Normandy's VI established a connection she sat there chewing her lip. Finally the image of Admiral Hackett appeared on her screen.

"Commander, why aren't you using the official channel?" he started and then took a closer look at her appearance, furrowing his brow.

"I decided to use the private channel because I wanted to talk to you as Nick and not Commander Shepard," she admitted.

"Very well. Veronika, what happened?"

"We just found a platoon of marines on Edolus, Sparta system. They were killed by a thresher maw after being lured into a thresher nest by a false distress beacon. Would you know anybody who would do such a thing?"

Hackett sighed. "Nick, I can't help you there. I am sorry."

"You can't?...But you know of something, don't you?" She couldn't believe it.

"I have an idea, but I can't tell you yet. Send me your report and I will see what I can do."

"There is another thing. Off the record, Uncle Steve." Shepard hesitated. "I, uh, I just assaulted one of my crew. He was saying how cool it was that we fought a maw and I, uh, snapped. He says he doesn't want to file a complaint but I at least wanted to tell you. My head of marine detail stepped in. Lieutanant Alenko has a solid head on his shoulders. He intervened in a calm but firm manner. I would usually put a positive remark about it in my report but..."

"You're not sure how you can do that without shooting yourself in the foot."

She bowed her head. "Exactly."

"Listen, Nick. I will forget what you did but watch yourself. Otherwise I will have no choice but insisting you go back to therapy."

"Aye-aye, sir."

"Ah, are we back to business? Good. I have something I want you to check out. We have a hostage situation in the Hades Gamma cluster. A group of biotic extremists have kidnapped the Chairman of the Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies. He is responsible for the failure of reparations negotiations for L2 biotics in their eyes as he voted against it. I'll forward you the details."

"Aye-aye, sir. We will head there ASAP."

"Very well. I appreciate it, Commander. Hackett out."

She wondered if Kaidan knew anything about the ongoing negotiations concerning reparation for L2 biotics. She strongly suspected he would, being an L2 himself. She pulled out his personell folder. So far his personell record was the only one she hadn't read yet. She only knew he was an L2 because Dr. Chakwas had mentioned as much to her when Shepard had asked her about the lieutenant. That was also the only reason she knew his migraines were a result of his L2 implant and that there were a lot more horrid side effects. If she were in his shoes she definitely would be following the negotiations.

She opened the folder and began reading. To her surprise several years of his life before joining the Alliance were redacted. All that was mentioned about his biotic training was that he had gone to Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training with the remark that BAaT had been shut down in 2169. Any other information concerning BAaT was redacted. No mention of why the programme had been shut down either. She had noticed that Kaidan hesitated talking about his teenage years. He had almost made a slip the last two times they had talked. Maybe it had something to do with this, she mused. She ran her fingers across the list of commendations he had recieved so far. Impressive. It was a list that rivaled her own and that again made her wonder why he had never entered N-school.

She found the answer to this a few pages further. It was an application for admission to N-school marked 'Denied'. Nick sat back. She could only think of one possible reason for this and that was Kaidan's reluctance to use his biotics more aggressively. If one thing was expected from N-school graduates it was to be willing to do whatever was necessary to get a mission done. And it was something the lieutenant yet lacked. She would closely monitor his progress and, if he showed potential, write a letter of recommendation.

With a sigh she closed his personnel record and opened her terminal in order to write her report on the mission to Edolus.

* * *

Several hours later Joker commed her.

"Commender, we have surveyed the last planet in this system. Do I plot a course for the Citadel?"

"No. Set course for the Hades Gamma cluster."

"The Hades Gamma cluster?" Joker sounded surprised. "Aye-aye, Commander."

She breathed out audibly and rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands. Spending the last three hours at her desk writing reports, going through requisition orders and evaluation reports of her crew were not her favorite part of being an Alliance officer. The mission on Edolus had left a foul taste in her mouth, as had her slip of control afterwards. And she felt as if the dust and dirt from that damned place was still covering her skin even though she had taken a shower right after submitting her mission report. Maybe she should just sweat it off and do some PT. There had to be somebody aboard willing to spar with her. Maybe the lieutenant would... _No! Stop right there!_ she told herself. Ashley would be a good choice. Or maybe Garrus?

This in mind she changed into her sweats and a t-shirt and headed for the cargo hold. Unfortunately she had to discover that Ashley was in the middle of maintenance and Garrus was laying half under the Mako, along with somebody else. No sparring, then. With a quiet sigh she got onto the stationary fitness bike standing in the back corner of the cargo hold and started peddling. After almost half an hour on the bike she switched to the treadmill. The nice thing about the treadmill and the bike was she could see what happened around her at the same time. As soon as Ashley had squared away the last rifle Nick decided to call her over.

"Chief? Got a minute?"

Ashley walked over, wiping the weapon oil off of her hands with a rag.

"Sure Commander, what do you need?"

"Do you feel up to a sparring round?" Shepard never slowed down. She kept going at the same pace as she looked straight at the Gunnery Chief. Ashley looked perplexed.

"Uh, sure...but..." she glanced at her still greasy hands. Shepard dismissed her objection with a quick wave of her hand and jumped off of the treadmill. Instead she wandered over to the mat leaning against the cargo hold wall and pulled it down to the floor. Then she turned and grinned.

"Don't worry. I'll go easy on you."

"Ha!" Ashley smirked. "I'm pretty darn good at marine hand-to-hand."

"Good. Then let's have it."

Ashley was good. She hadn't been boasting but the N7 training had given Nick an extra edge. Shepard was smaller than the other woman but she was faster and she knew more tricks. After going three rounds Ashley stepped back.

"Geez, Commander! I always thought I was good. Where the hell did you learn to fight like that?" Her breath was coming in short gasps after Shepard had knocked the wind out of her.

"You mean apart N7 training? You have to remember I spent a lot of time shipside as a kid already and there was not much more to do in my pastime other than let the marines teach me hand-to-hand or read. And I generally did both." Shepard rolled her shoulders. "But thanks for doing this. I needed to spar. It's been too long since I last had the opportunity."

Shepard turned to go and saw Garrus and Kaidan standing next to the Mako, watching her and Ashley. She tossed the towel over her shoulder and sauntered over.

"Well, did you enjoy the show, boys?"

"Not really," Garrus answered. "We've been too busy fixing the Mako."

"What?! It was fine on Edolus!" she stared at them.

"It was leaking transmission oil, Commander," Kaidan replied. She looked at them more closely and realized that both had oil smudges in their face. Kaidan had his sleeves rolled up, but there were streaks of oil up to his elbows. "And at the stupidest possible place." He added. Garrus grunted approvingly.

"Didn't know the two of you were mechanics yet too." Shepard grinned at them.

Both men just mumbled something about 'tinkering around sometimes', looking slightly embarrassed.

"Okay." She leaned back crossing her arms. "So you both like to tinker around. With Garrus here it somehow doesn't surprise me. After all he's been ogling the Mako since the minute he came aboard. But you, Lieutenant, I had you pegged as an electronic tech only. Didn't know you had a thing for mechanics as well. Anyway, how long have you guys been working here."

Kaidan glanced at his omnitool. "A few hours, Commander." He hesitated. "Ever since you, uh, went to your cabin. And now, uh, Commander, I would really like to go take a shower."

She nodded, glad he didn't comment any further on the incident earlier. "Of course, Lieutenant. We'll talk later."

"Yeah. I'd like that. But first here are the dog tags from the marines on Edolus. The ones that weren't corroded away by the acid, that is." he handed her a small box. "Commander." He nodded at her and then shot a quick look at Garrus, who was clicking his mandibles. "Garrus."

Shepard remained standing there for a moment as she watched Kaidan walk to the elevator, turning the small box in her hands. She licked her lips unconsiously before remembering that if she wanted to take a shower as well she also had to go up to the crew deck. She sighed and then turned around to face Garrus. He was looking at her with what she believed to be an amused expression.

"Ok, Garrus. Let's have it." She said. While she was down here she might as well talk to everyone.

* * *

It was almost two days later when they entered the Farinata system of the Hades Gamma cluster. Shepard stepped away from the galaxy chart and walked to the helm.

"Joker, give me a ten minute notice once we have located the extremists' ship."

"Aye-aye."

Shepard made her way down to the cargo hold, debating whom she should take along. Kaidan should certainly come along. Maybe having an L2 biotic along could help in talking other disappointed or desperate biotics down. Other than that...Close quarters, so someone with a shotgun would make sense. Ashley? Or more biotics? That would suggest either Liara or Wrex. Wrex had a shotgun AND biotics...Yeah, Kaidan and Wrex, that sounded good. On the crew deck she walked towards the control panel he mostly worked at instead of gearing up already. To her relief he was working at his terminal. He looked up as soon as he noticed her approach.

"Commander, is there something I can do for you?"

"What can you tell me about the the recently failed reparation negotiations for L2 biotics?" She watched his reaction closely.

Kaidan didn't answer right away. He turned away from her to close whatever he had been working on. When he finally started talking it was in a hushed voice. "How much do you know about the L2 implant, Commander? No, I should ask how much do you know of the undesirable side effects of the L2 implant?"

"I know that your migraines are a direct result of your implant, Lieutenant. But after talking to Dr. Chakwas I know that there are much worse side effects yet too," Shepard replied.

Kaidan let out a short mirthless laugh. "Yes, you could say that. Insanity, mental disability, cippling pain - the neurological complications can be severe. There are quite a few L2s that have either committed suicide or attempted to. A few friends of mine from BAaT never made it past the age of twenty. The first one killed himself when we were sixteen. Officially he had a fatal accident but ..." He shrugged helplessly. His voice sounded hard when he continued. "We all knew it was stress that made him do it. Psychological and physical stress. He wasn't the first that died at BAaT, nor was he the last."

Shepard could only stare at him. _What had the Alliance allowed at that place?_

"Okay, back to your question. The reparation negotiations. There are a number of L2s who feel that the Alliance has let them down and some are willing to take extreme measures. Personally I think they are full of crap. Biotics face enough prejudice and mistrust as it is, we don't need these extremists adding fuel to the fire." he hesitated. "Commander, why are you asking about the negotiations? As you said, they've failed and it is unlikely the decision will be revised."

She had seldom seen her Lieutenant so passionate about something. Now she wondered even more about the redacted parts in his personell folder. She opened her mouth to answer only to be interrupted by the comm.

" _Ten minutes, Commander._ "

"Thank you, Joker." She returned her gaze to Kaidan. "A group of biotic extremists have kidnapped Chairman Burns of the Alliance Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies. We have less than ten minutes until we rendezvous with their ship and then we have a hostage situation to take care of. I want you on the team for this, so gear up. You have five minutes, Lieutenant. Oh, and Alenko? Hold the elevator." She turned and went to her cabin to grab her gear.

Kaidan walked to the elevator in a daze. How could his fellow biotics be so deluded? They had to realize that actions such as this just made everything worse. If it was attention they wanted, well they got it, just probably not in the way they had imagined. As he waited for the elevator Shepard reappeared carrying her armor.

"I'm not gonna start undressing in the cargo hold again only to remember my uniform is in my cabin," she said as an explanation. Despite the severity of the situation Kaidan couldn't stop the corner of his mouth twitching into that lop-sided smirk that wreaked havoc with Shepards' feelings, a thing he was utterly unaware of.

As soon as they stepped out of the elevator Shepard called out to Wrex.

"Oy, Wrex! Wanna take out some biotic extremists? If you want to come and play, then grab your gear."

"About time!" Wrex growled. "Still can't believe you took on a maw without me."

"Oh, stop pouting," she told him as she stripped down to her skivvies, very aware of Kaidan doing the same not a meter away from her. _Focus, Shepard_!

Kaidan was thinking almost the same thing. _God, Alenko, you'd think you've never geared up with a female soldier next to you,_ he chastised himself. _Focus_! He quickly pulled on his underarmor and began strapping on his armor. He was glad that he had his feelings under control again when Shepard turned her back to him for the usual check and he was glad that she always turned to _him_ for this. _Enjoy the little things_.

They strapped on their weapons and headed up to the airlock, ready to dock with the MSV Ontario, a Kowloon-class freighter as Joker informed them. Shepard was not surprised but she was grateful nonetheless. This meant that the main layout was a known.

They boarded the Ontario silently, not meeting any form of resistance until they entered the main cargo hold. There weren't that many terrorists but Shepard found herself knocked flat on the floor by a biotic attack when she peaked around the corner of a large crate. Before she had picked herself up again Kaidan and Wrex moved past her, both retaliating with biotic attacks of their own. Then Kaidan pulled out his omnitool and sent a tech attack she didn't know causing the target to glow red and drop down, while she and Wrex attacked with their shotguns. They moved through the cargo hold swiftly after disposing themselves of the attackers.

As they moved towards the helm on they heard angry voices from a compartment on the portside. Apparently the leader of the extremists didn't think anybody would make it past his followers or he didn't care. Before opening the compartment door Shepard turned around and looked at Kaidan and Wrex to see if they were ready. Both gave her a swift nod and she opened the door. As it opened the door revealed a man kneeling on the floor, hands held above his head while another was holding him at gunpoint.

"...too late!" The man with the pistol snarled. He looked up in surprise as they stepped into the room.

"Let's not do anything you might regret." Shepard shook her head warningly.

"Don't come any closer!" The biotic terrorist pushed the pistol against Burns' head. "Apparently the only way to get attention is by a grand gesture such as this!"

"Well, you've got our attention." Kaidan threw in. "Now, why don't you lower that pistol?"

This was a self-assertive manner Shepard had not yet seen in the Lieutenant. He was full of surprises.

"This sonofabitch doesn't deserve to live! He robbed us of our only chance to live halfway normal lives! Only endless pain and no way to afford the necessary treatment," the terrorist leader growled.

"I...I had no idea! I didn't realize how bad the situation of some L2 biotics was! I swear by all that is holy, please let me go! I will take another look at the files and see if I can convince the committee to reconsider!" Burns pleaded.

"Oh? All of a sudden you want to help us?" The biotic extremist snorted in disbelief. "Why should we trust you?"

The Chairman of the Parlamentary Subcommittee whimpered.

"If you don't trust him, then trust me," Kaidan said firmly. "I'm an L2, just like you."

The other biotic looked at him in doubt, but Kaidan firmly held his gaze. The extremist leader lowered his weapon a fraction.

"Prove it!" There was only one way Kaidan could do that. He had to show them his implant. The L2 implant was wider than the L3 implant and didn't protrude as much.

Kaidan threw a short glance at Shepard, who nodded. He stepped forward, holstering his pistol. When he reached the distance halfway between Shepard and Burns he stopped. At a sign of the terrorist leader one of the other extremists stepped closer. Kaidan's heart was pounding in his chest as he lowered his head a bit in order for the other man to see his amp jack.

"He's an L2 alright," the terrorist said, stepping away again. Kaidan walked slowly backwards to his former position, watching the extremist leader consider the options. Shepard and Wrex were also watching the situation closely. So far it had been a good idea to bring the Lieutenant along. He had planted a seed of doubt at their actions in the leader of the extremists. The biotic leader shifted uncomfortably.

"And how do you think you can help us?" he directed his question at Kaidan.

"I can't. But the Commander," Kaidan pointed at Shepard, confidence in his voice, "can make sure he follows through. I vouch for her."

The extremist leader hesitated shortly and then lowered his pistol some more. The chairman lifted his head a fraction.

"I promise, I will do what I can! I had no idea how dire the situation was!"

"Then you weren't doing your job!" Shepard shot at him. "You are the Chairman of the Parliamentary Subcommittee for Transhuman Studies! Your committee is supposed to oversee the situation for human biotics. It was your responsibility to know the situation."

"Commander, I swear I will do all I can. I see know I was wrong to veto the negotiations. I will do everything in my might for a renewal of the negotiations!" Burns turned his head to look at the biotic extremist. To his relief - as well as Shepard's and Kaidan's - the extremist leader holstered his pistol. The biotic suddenly looked exhausted.

"We will trust you."

Burns got up slowly and carefully walked towards Shepard and her squad. Meanwhile she radioed Joker, telling him to call the Alliance for Burns' pick-up. Joker relayed the message and then informed her pick-up would be there within an hour. They waited until the Alliance cruiser designated for the pick-up was close enough to rendezvous and then returned to the Normandy. They returned just as silently as they had boarded the Ontario, not one of them saying a word. As soon as they were in the Normandy's decon chamber Shepard turned to Kaidan.

"Good work back there, Alenko. I don't know if they would've seen reason otherwise." She gave him an appraising look. "More outspoken than I would have expected from you, I admit. You keep on surprising me, Lieutenant."

"Thank you, Commander." He held her gaze a moment. "I have many talents."

"Yes," she answered quietly, "I believe you do."

Wrex' snort reminded them they were not alone. And just in time as the decon doors opened and they stepped into the Normandy's CIC.


	10. Memories

After Kaidan had changed back into fatigues he went to work at the control panel. His mind was not focused on the task at hand, though. As he studied the evaluation report of the last simulation his mind kept wandering back to the last mission. He understood that some L2s were disappointed in the Alliance, sure. But that did not warrant actions such as kidnapping and blackmailing. He was also aware that with his migraines he belonged to a fairly small group of lucky L2s.

He had needed a while to 'get his head on straight' after his time at BAaT as his father had called it. And never before had he hated his biotics as much as during that time. The suicides of several fellow students as well as his loss of control had planted a fear of himself in his mind. It had taken his parent and his elder sister the better part of a year to help him even start getting over what had happened on Jump Zero, to take away his fear that he might snap as some other kids had.

His brother on the other hand wouldn't be in the same room as he was longer than necessary. The wedge that had for some reason always been between them just seemed even larger than before. His sister insisting he enroll in an engineering class at college had helped him greatly. It had taken his mind off things.

During that time he had passed the local Alliance Military recruiting office every day. And subconsciously the idea of enlisting had formed in his head. The recruiting officer had noticed him slow down everyday as he walked by, eying the recruitment poster.

 _..."_ _I see you slowing down everyday when you pass my office." The recruitment officer had come out to him one day. "Are you considering enlisting? If so, I can give you information brochures or if you prefer you can come in and we can talk about your possibilities."_

_Kaidan had hesitated and then agreed to come by after his classes were done. That afternoon had changed his life. The recruitment officer had been impressed when he heard that Kaidan studied Engineering Physics but what had really gotten the officers' attention was a different statement._

" _I'm a biotic," Kaidan had said almost meekly._

" _A biotic!" the man had exclaimed. "Young man, do you have any idea which career chances the Alliance military has to offer you? There are massive incentives for biotics. The Alliance needs you!" Pulling open a drawer he began searching for something. "Wait just a minute...They have to be here somewhere...Ah, here we go." The recruitment officer handed Kaidan several brochures. "Take a look at these. And if you have any other questions, let me know. I can also arrange an appointment with someone who can give you more detailed information on the role of biotics within the Alliance military."_

_Kaidan had thanked him and gone on his way._

_When he reached his parents' house he hadn't gone inside. Instead, he had gone around the back and jumped the fence, going to a more secluded part of the backyard. It was his 'practice spot', the only place where he could practice using his biotics without being seen either from the house or by neighbors._

_He had to use his biotics, he had learned that the hard way. Just discharging the built-up energy from his implant wasn't enough. When he had first come home from BAaT he had avoided using his biotics, only discharging the static on any metal surface he could find, resulting in some of the worst migraines of his life. It was like an overload. After several of those he had taken up his biotic exercises again._

_After running through a few exercises he had sat down on a tree stump and started reading the pamphlets he had gotten from the recruitment officer..._

Kaidan shook himself. He had to focus on the evaluation reports in front of him and then write his report concerning the hostage-taking of Chairman Burns, not go down memory lane. Granted, there were a lot worse memories lurking there. This trip down memory lane was definitely one of the better ones. But it would be embarrassing if Shepard, or anybody else for that instance, happened to come by and find him daydreaming while on duty. _Not suitable behavior for an Alliance officer_.

Just as he started typing his report he saw Shepard and Liara walk into the mess and go on to the med bay. Liara's eyes were practically glued on the commander he noticed. Maybe some of the scuttlebutt was right. The asari appeared to have an interest in the commander that went beyond what was professional.

 _For crying out loud, Alenko! They are just_ talking!

He quickly stomped down any further jealousy. After all, Shepard spoke to everyone. It was one of the traits that made her such a good commander. She showed vested interest in her crew, especially her squad mates.

His thoughts went back to their return from the MSV Ontario. Shepard's first action back aboard the Normandy had been telling Joker to set a course for the Citadel. After that they had maintained their weapons and armor and Shepard had begun her usual round. Talking to everyone. Liara had been talking to Garrus when they had arrived in the cargo hold. Now, Shepard was probably done talking to the crew on the engineering deck and since Liara spent most of her time in the supply room of the med bay Shepard had decided to join her there.

 _No, not join_. Kaidan thought annoyed. _Not the asari kind of joining, anyway_.

His eyes kept drifting to the med bay door. With a sigh he closed his workstation. He couldn't concentrate here, so he would go work at the usually empty co-pilot's console in the helm. And maybe Joker would distract his mind from the Commander and Liara.

* * *

When Shepard left the med bay all she wanted was to talk to Kaidan. She wondered about his time at BAaT and hoped he would agree to answering her questions. When they had come up from the engineering deck she had seen him working at the console next to her door. But he wasn't there. Unfortunately she didn't really have the time to search for him. She had received a message concerning a potential mission.

"Where has he gone to now?" she muttered to herself. She was feeling a little off-kilter after talking to Liara. She wasn't sure why. Liara was nice and pleasant to talk to, but something bothered Nick and talking to Kaidan made her feel...warm and fuzzy inside.

 _Yeah, but Commanders aren't supposed to feel warm and fuzzy inside just because they just happen to be talking to their hot Lieutenant with a husky voice_. _Nor should they think of said lieutenant as 'hot'..._

"Guess that means it's time for your favorite part of the job, Shepard," she sighed sarcastically as she headed for her cabin. No, first she would grab a bite to eat. Surely Kaidan would show up in the mess soon. _Unless he already ate while you were busy talking to everyone and their brother_ a small voice in her head told her.

"Sergeant, have you seen Lieutenant Alenko?" she asked the mess sergeant.

"You missed him by maybe ten minutes, ma'am. He went up to the CIC," the mess sergeant told her. The CIC? What was he doing up there? He wasn't on duty there. Or was he? She tried recalling today's duty roster to her mind. No, she was certain he didn't have any duties in the CIC today. It was Pressley's job to oversee the galaxy chart and the crew on duty in the CIC.

She thanked the mess sergeant for the food and sat down at the table. She had been hungry but now all she could do was pick at the food. Her friends had always laughed at her because she could always eat, no matter the time of day. And the fact that she actually liked some MREs, which was sure to be singular in all known worlds. Or so Matt liked to tell her. But now she couldn't swallow one bite. _Damn_.

Her thoughts wandered to the conversation she had just had with Liara. She had inquired about Liara's interest in the Protheans, wanting to pick up with their conversation where they had stopped before Edolus.

Surprisingly Liara said that they had more been talking about her interest in _Shepard_. Then they started talking about how humanity was perceived by others.

"Unfortunately others see humanity as somewhat of a bully," Liara told her.

Shepard looked surprised. "You mean other species are _scared_ of us?"

"You must admit, humans have the tendency to run anything over that gets into their path. It is up to people like you to change their minds, Shepard. There is a reason the Council chose you to a be Spectre. They saw something special in you. The best humanity has to offer." Shepard snorted and Liara hesitated for a moment before continuing. "I looked into your history and I know what happened in the Blitz and then on Akuze. The first was a remarkable display of courage and heroism and the second a fierce will to survive."

"You could've just asked me. I don't like my crew mates going behind my back reading up on me." Shepard frowned.

"I am sorry, after our last talk I was afraid I might insult you by saying something stupid again. I wanted to know more about you, understand what made you into the woman you are. There is something compelling about you, Shepard." Liara's voice dropped just a little.

Shepard chuckled. "Of course you would find me interesting. After all I have a vision from a prothean beacon burned into my brain." Her omnitool beeped. Shepard glanced down at it. "I should go."

"Of course, Shepard." Liara looked as if she wished to add something but then changed her mind.

Now, Shepard sat in the mess wondering just how 'compelling' Liara found her. She checked the message on her omnitool again. It was from a certain Nassana Dantius suggesting a meeting on the Citadel. She didn't state the nature of the mission, just saying that she would be waiting at the embassies to give her further information.

Shepard slowly finished eating and decided to head to the cockpit to ask Joker what their ETA was and maybe chat a bit. He was Kaidan's friend after all. Maybe he knew something about Kaidan's past yet, too.

To her surprise Joker was not alone in the helm. Alenko was there as well, working. His raspy voice reached her ears and sent shivers of delight down her spine. Apparently they had been talking but had finished now since both returned their attention to their workstations. Nick's curiosity just about killed her. She ached to know what or who they had talked about. Neither man heard her approach and they nearly jumped when she spoke.

"Lieutenants, is everything alright up here?"

"Geez, Commander!" Joker complained. "What is with you and sneaking up on people? You'll give me a heart attack some day."

"I didn't sneak up on you. I just walk quietly. Blame it on infiltrator training if you want. Fact is, you were both just obviously lost in thought." She glanced over at Kaidan. "I'm surprised to see you working up here, Lieutenant. I had expected you to be at the control panel on the crew deck." _So I could talk to you_ , she added silently. Before he could answer she looked back at Joker. "Anyway, I just wanted to know how long until we reach the Citadel."

"About sixteen hours, Commander," came the reply.

"Thank you. That'd be all." She turned and left. Kaidan kept his eyes glued to the terminal in front of him. He wasn't going to look after her. He had heard a slight reprimand in her voice and now he wondered if Joker had heard it as well. When he turned his head he saw Joker was looking after her and he felt a surge of envy run through him. Kaidan closed his eyes in annoyance at himself.

_She. Is. Your. Commander. Nothing more, Alenko!_

"The Commander seems kinda pissed, don't you think?" Joker asked suddenly. "And it almost sounded like she was looking for you."

"Yeah," Kaidan replied curtly. He shot a glance at the time stamp on the console. One more hour, then he was off duty.

"Whoa, what's wrong with you all of a sudden?" Joker sat back, eying him suspiciously.

"Nothing," Kaidan answered. His friend gave him a knowing look but didn't press the matter for which Kaidan was extremely grateful. It seemed that for now he wasn't going to make any comments about Kaidan's feelings for their commanding officer.

* * *

Kaidan woke up around one in the morning with a foul taste in his mouth. Apparently his brain had still been bent on traveling down memory lane and it had taken him back to BAaT. He shivered as he got out of his sleeper pod, thinking about the dream. He wouldn't be able to go back to sleep for a while. He hadn't dreamed of Rahna for quite a while and he wasn't sure why he had done so tonight.

For one thing he couldn't picture her face, no matter how hard he tried. In his dream she had had her back turned to him the whole time even though he had begged her to turn around. All she did was whisper _You killed him!_ But she never turned to face him. Instead of Rahna's face with her coppery skin and soft dark brown eyes the face that came to his mind was pale with freckles dusted across to nose and a pair of intense blue-gray eyes. The thought alone made his heart rate quicken.

After pulling on his sweats he went to the galley to fix himself a sandwich. The next thing he knew was that he was fixing a pot of coffee and some hot chocolate. He stared down at the cocoa. Why had he made that? Shepard was sleeping peacefully in her cabin, it wasn't as if she was suddenly going to show up again and drink a coffee with hot chocolate with him, was it? Even if it had happened twice in the past week. Nevertheless his hands worked on their on accord as they pulled Shepard's mug out of the cabinet and filled it with coffee and hot chocolate. Taking it and his own mug he went to the mess table to sit down. _Wishful thinking, Alenko._

Kaidan opened his omnitool and began flicking through the pictures he had on there. There were pictures from home. His parents, his sister Erin, even one with his brother Daniel. There were a few from his time at BAaT, including one of him together with Rahna. He had always thought her to be beautiful and usually looking at that picture brought a feeling of loss and regret. This time as he gazed at it he felt neither. She was pretty, yes, but no more than that.

Suddenly, he remembered what he had told Shepard after she had asked him if he had any intentions concerning Liara. _I prefer adventurous women_. Rahna definitely didn't fit that description, at least not back at BAaT. No, Kaidan realized, whatever he had once felt for Rahna it had been replaced by something else. Rahna would have never accepted a deeper relationship with an Alliance soldier. She despised violence and she was no friend of the military. And here he was, proud to be an officer in the Alliance Navy. They would have never worked out in the long run.

Then a different idea struck his mind. What if the scuttlebutt was right and there was something between Liara and the commander? Maybe she was interested in _his_ intentions because _she_ had intentions towards Liara. He frowned at the thought as he stared at the picture on his omnitool.

He was so lost in his contemplations that he didn't hear the swish of Shepard's cabin door or notice her slowly walk over to the table.

* * *

_Screaming, dying. That was all she heard as she ran from cover to cover, trying to line up a shot at the monster that killed her team mates. The air was acrid with the stench of maw acid mingling with the sickening sweetish smell of rotting flesh and vomit. It assailed her senses and she felt herself gag. Suddenly there was not only a thresher maw but shiploads of batarians landing all around her._

This was not right! There weren't supposed to be any batarians in this dream!

But the dream continued. _She looked frantically around as the scenario changed and Akuze faded away, noticing a group of civilians behind her. She grabbed an assault rifle and as much ammo as she could carry and ushered them into a nearby shelter. Then she ran into cover again. It was perfect. She had high ground and an almost unrestricted view of the plaza in front of her._

_Laying the assault rifle next to her she quickly assembled her sniper rifle. One of the civilians left the shelter and she tried telling him to hide again but no sound came out of her mouth. Then the batarians spotted him and she could only try shooting as many of them as possible. Her ammunition stack got smaller and smaller._

" _The Alliance will be here soon, the Alliance will be here soon." she kept repeating in her mind. But it was not the Alliance that showed up next, it was the Saren's ship from Eden Prime. And the scene changed again. There were geth and husks and the worst thing was seeing her squad mates lying dead on the ground, scattered around a pair of dragon teeth. And on those dragon teeth Ash and Kaidan were impaled. Ash and Kaidan..._

Shepard woke with a start, breathing hard as she sat up in her bed. She had nightmares every once in a while but never had her dreams about Akuze and the Blitz mingled. And Saren and the geth being there was also new. She glanced at her bedside clock. 0120. She shivered as she realized she was covered in cold sweat, her N7 tank top drenched. She quickly got up and took it off pulling a clean shirt out of her dresser.

Suddenly she stopped and took a deep breath. What was that smell? Fresh coffee? Cocoa? There was only one person who would start brewing a fresh coffee now. She put on the clean tank top and her sweats and stepped out of her cabin, her gaze instantly drawn to the mess table. Sure enough, Kaidan was sitting at the table, two mugs in front him. One of them was hers. She smiled despite the nightmare. _I wonder what made him fix the cocoa and prepare my mug?_

She saw him flicking through something on his omnitool, hesitating especially long at one time. She slowly walked over and as she got closer she could tell he was looking at pictures. Shepard stopped moving forward again, just looking at him. He still hadn't noticed her. He had a thoughtful expression on his face and she watched him run one finger across a picture. He frowned at some thought and suddenly he became aware of her. He turned his head to look at her.

"Shepard." He kept his voice low, his eyes widening in surprise as he looked up at her. She looks pale, he thought. Even paler than usual.

"You look surprised, Lieutenant. Funny, considering you have my mug standing there on the table filled with cocoa. And I am sure you didn't make that for yourself," she said teasingly.

"Uh, yeah." He blushed. "That was just a hunch."

She sat down in her usual seat, tucking one leg under her and pulling the other leg up towards her body. It must be one of favorite ways to sit, Kaidan thought.

"Good hunch. Now, why are you up? Late-night snack again?" she pointed at his empty plate with her chin.

"That was just comfort food, so to speak," he answered.

She just raised her eyebrows at that statement. "What for?"

Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. "I had a dream that was kind of disturbing. Nothing serious. And since I was awake I decided to grab a bite." Saying it out loud made him feel rather embarrassed. Shepard would probably think he was a pansy because he couldn't go back to sleep after a dream.

"Huh, you too? And I thought I was the only one with nightmares here," Shepard replied.

 _Wait, what?_ Kaidan thought, _she was awake because of a nightmare as well?_ Maybe he didn't have to be embarrassed after all. Then she asked, "What was it about?"

Kaidan took his mug and turned it in his hands. _You can tell her,_ a small voice said. He looked up again and saw her look at him intently. "BAaT. And yours?"

"First Akuze, then Elysium and finally Eden Prime."

"Whoa. That makes my dream seem trifling." Now Kaidan felt embarrassed again. He couldn't imagine how it was for her to relive Akuze and then the Blitz and Eden Prime with that damn beacon in her dreams all in one night. _And I just dream about a girl I fancied not talking to me anymore. You're pathetic, Alenko._

Shepard sensed her chance to ask him about BAaT. "Tell me about BAaT."

Kaidan gave a short start. "'Biotic Acclimation and Temperance Training' didn't last past the airlock. To the kids they hauled in it was Brain Camp. Sorry, 'hauled in' is unkind. We were 'encouraged to commit to an evaluation of our abilities so an understanding of biotics could be compiled.'" Shepard could practically hear the air-quotes. _He sounds bitter_. Kaidan continued in a level tone, "You know, you come home one day after school and there are these guys in suits waiting for you at your front door and the next thing you know is you're out on Jump Zero."

"Jump Zero, that's Gagarin Station, right? What's it like?"

"That's the official name. Largest and furthest station we had for decades, right on the termination shock, the outer edge of the solar system. It's where they did all the goose-chase FTL research before we caught on to using mass effect fields. The grand 'Gateway to Humanity' looks a lot better in the vids. It was a sterile research platform when I was there."

Shepard frowned slightly. Apart from her grade school years she had spent most of her childhood on Alliance vessels and space stations, only spending vacation on Earth. For Kaidan it was exactly the opposite. He had spent his childhood on Earth with his parents and siblings. He had been used to playing outdoors after school, not the artificial environment of a space station with its filtered air. Of course it would have seemed sterile to him.

"But you weren't alone, were you? I mean, there were other kids in the same boat, right?" she inquired.

"That's true," Kaidan admitted. "We did have a small circle that would get together every night before lights out. Play cards, talk, stuff like that. There was not much more to do, though. Conatix must've thought we might leak research data so they kept us off the extranet."

Shepard thought of her time at the Alliance Boarding School on Arcturus she had gone to as she drank some of her hot cocoa. They hadn't been kept off the extranet and there were plenty of extracurricular activities but… they had been teenagers and sometimes things had gotten _physical_.

"You were all teenagers. I'm sure you found more physical ways to occupy the time than just playing cards," she remarked, watching him out of the corner of her eye.

"I don't do that kind of thing lightly, Commander. There was a girl I spent a lot of time with but we kept our clothes on, you know. Rahna. She was smart and charming as hell. Beautiful, but not stuck up about it. Like you." Kaidan hesitated a fraction of a second before adding, "Commander."

Shepard hated her already, feeling jealous of an unknown woman because the lieutenant thought she was beautiful. Then her brain caught up with her ears. _He said_ Beautiful, like you. _Maybe he thinks I'm beautiful, too_. Shepard cleared her throat.

"Ah, sounds like she was special to you." _Say no_ , she implored him silently, but no such luck.

"She was. And maybe she felt the same." Kaidan shrugged. "But things never fell together. Training, you know." _I hate her, I hate her,_ Shepard repeated in her mind. She felt her masochistic streak awake in her, wanting her to inquire more about this Rahna.

"What did you learn there?" she asked instead.

"To use our abilities," Kaidan said simply. "It takes a lot of practice to be able to manipulate dark energy by creating mass effect fields. First of all you have to learn to control the eezo nodules in your body to create said mass effect fields. Forget teaching the kids to move stuff, hell, in the beginning they had enough trouble making sure some kids didn't break their own limbs." his gaze became unfocused.

"Where did they find teachers? Did they ask the asari?" Shepard wondered.

"Ha! That would've been something..." Kaidan laughed shortly before becoming serious again. "No, the company didn't go through the Council. The Alliance was afraid it would make Earth look weak. Truth be told, the Alliance really screwed the pooch there. They should've kept a closer eye on what Conatix did. Eventually progress was not, well, progressing quick enough, so the company brought in 'experts'. No asari, unfortunately."

"Why? What did they do?"

"They secretly hired turian mercenaries."

Nick thought she must have misunderstood. "Turian mercenaries? Why not the asari? They are natural biotics after all, they would have made more sense. And why secretly?"

"Yeah, well, the company didn't want to admit to the public they were hiring turian mercenaries so shortly after the First Contact War. And I can assure you it was not a good choice. Sure, we learned to control our abilities but at what cost?" He fell silent, a quick spasm of pain fleeting over his face. "The turian they brought in to teach us, Commander Vyrnnus, was a veteran of the war. He had no love for humans and he made sure we knew it. To introduce himself he liked to say 'I was at the helm of the dreadnought that killed your father'. His methods were...brutal." His voice fell to a mere whisper at the last word.

"What did he do?" her voice echoed his as she whispered the question in return.

"He used hunger and thirst as training aids. He would keep us training so long that we would miss meal times and tell us that if we wanted to go eat we would have to work harder. Said it would give us a proper incentive. And if he had it in for you he would taunt you by tormenting your friends." He took a swallow of his coffee and looked at her and she could see anger in his eyes. Not directed at her, but at the memories she had made him recall. "Commander, could we talk about something else?"

"Yes, of course, Kaidan. I am sorry." She felt like kicking herself. She just had to keep on prodding, didn't she?

"It's okay, Commander." He gave her a quick smile. "I take it we'll be at the Citadel by 1000?" His voice sounded casual as he changed the subject, but she could tell he still felt uncomfortable.

"Unless the Brass comes up with something really important and redirects us, yes. Once we're at the station we'll inform Admiral Kahoku about the missing marines. I want you and Ashley to accompany me there. Then we'll restock some things and I'll take Garrus and the others to the Spectre Requisitions Office so they can get those new toys I promised them. I hope to be done with everything by 1800 so we can get on our way to Feros." She glanced into her empty mug. "Now I think I'll try getting a few hours of shut-eye yet. Thank you for the talk, Kaidan."

"Anytime, Shepard. Good night."


	11. Citadel, Again

They docked at the Citadel at shortly after 1000 due to a delay in the docking process. During the whole time Shepard stood behind Joker's seat, drumming the fingers of her right hand on his headrest, evidently impatient to get things done. Joker tried hard to ignore the constant thrumming. It was distracting. After a few minutes Joker looked up at her annoyed.

"Commander, could you quit doing that? It's driving me nuts. I can't help it if Traffic Control is so slow!"

She stopped and went out to Kaidan and Ashley who were waiting just outside the cockpit in front of the airlock.

"What's taking so long, Skipper?" Ashley asked.

"Delays at Traffic Control. Our docking request hasn't been processed yet," Shepard grumbled. She was not looking forward to the task at hand. Telling the admiral his missing platoon had been lured into a trap and killed by a thresher maw was not on her list of favorites. She looked at Kaidan and Ashley. Both were wearing their Dress Blues, just as she was. It may be a little formal but it was her way of showing respect to the marines. She was rather surprised to see Ashley wearing the skirted version.

 _Of course Ash has the legs to wear the skirt. Wish I had nice long legs like that_ , she thought. Shepard shot a glance at Kaidan. _And Kaidan sure cleans up nicely._

Kaidan looked every inch the Alliance officer he was. She ran her eyes over his body appreciatively while he was not looking and involuntarily licked her lips as she scanned his broad shoulders and _lower_. When she looked up again she saw Ashley grinning at her and Nick felt herself blush. She shook her head ever so slightly, annoyed with herself. She had to admit this was more than just appreciation of a good-looking fellow officer and, truth be told, she was almost a little scared when she realized she had fallen for her Lieutenant. Luckily Kaidan was unaware of the whole incident.

Shepard tugged at her collar. She had never enjoyed wearing her Dress Blues but sometimes it was necessary and that wasn't the only reason she was feeling uncomfortable. When she heard Joker mumble " _Finally!_ " she went back to the helm.

"Joker?"

"You can head to the airlock, Commander. We're clear to dock," he answered.

As they stepped out of Normandy's airlock into the docking bay a short time later she noticed an Alliance officer waiting near the elevator. The officer waited until they had closed the distance between them. Shepard kept her face neutral as her mind registered the rank insignia. A Rear Admiral. Whatever could he want from them? They saluted.

"Admiral, we weren't expecting you. Is there something we can do?"

The admiral did not answer right away. Instead his gaze lingered shortly on her before moving to Kaidan and Ashley and finally resting on the Normandy. His expression almost turned to a scowl as he saw Garrus and Wrex exit the airlock, followed by Liara and Tali.

"Quit the pleasantries, Commander Shepard." He made her rank sound almost like an insult. "You don't know who I am, do you? I'm Admiral Mikhailovich from the 63rd Scout Flotilla and the Normandy was originally designated to be put under my command. But then the council got their tentacles, claws, paws, whatever, they got 'em on you and the Normandy. This is a snap inspection. I want to see if everything is in order."

"I am sure you will find everything to be up to par, sir," she replied, keeping her voice polite.

"I just bet it will," the admiral huffed as he swept past her.

"What an ass," Shepard muttered quietly as soon as he had passed out of earshot. "Looks like we have to wait until the admiral finishes his _inspection_."

"Was that 'Admiral' with a capital 'A' or just plain 'admiral', Commander?" Kaidan asked with a hint of sarcasm in his voice. He couldn't believe the condescending attitude of the admiral towards Shepard. Ashley snorted and Shepard gave him an appraising look.

"Careful, Lieutenant, that almost sounds like criticism of a superior officer," she replied with a wink.

"I would never do that, Commander," he said with a perfectly straight face.

"Uh huh. The answer to your question is he probably _thinks_ it should be capitalized but it wasn't." Shepard glanced towards the airlock. "Somehow I have the feeling he will look for anything not Alliance-standard and complain about it. And we have plenty of 'not Alliance-standard' aboard. I know I've seen him before, but I just can't place him, godammit."

Shortly afterward the airlock opened to reveal an unhappy looking admiral. He stalked back to them with a grim expression on his face. Shepard and her shore party stood at attention.

"I am not happy, Commander," he stated.

"No surprises there," Shepard retorted quietly.

"Commander," he said severely, pointing a finger at her. "I suggest you secure your mouth. It is going to get you in trouble!"

Shepard glared at him but remained silent as the admiral embarked on his list of complaints. The layout of the CIC, the large amount of credits the Normandy had cost, the fact that she had aliens on her crew, just about everything seemed to rub him the wrong way. Shepard was aware of her temper rising with every complaint but she plastered a smile on her face and tried answering in a respectful manner. Mostly.

"Many visionaries were the butt-end of jokes in their time. Just think of the first U-boats or tanks! And I can holler with the best DIs, Admiral. Apart from that my crew knows when to cut the chatter." She couldn't quite keep the icy tone out of her voice.

"There are two ways I can take that comment, Commander, but I see your point. I still believe they should have tested the design in a simulator before building it. They could have built a heavy cruiser or two hundred fighters instead, Commander. It's a warship. And that means it is supposed to find and destroy the enemy, not count how often they use the head!"

Shepard shook her head.

"Sorry sir, I disagree. Isn't the idea of a scouting party that they are there to find out about enemy movement without being detected? _That_ is what the Normandy is built for. She isn't designed for a stand-up fight. The Normandy was built for stealth and, in case of detection, for a quick retreat. Our IES grants the former and the Tantalus drive core the latter."

"Perhaps. The amount of credits used still seems disproportionate to me. The Alliance could have built a cruiser for less. And what about your alien crew members? The Normandy is still an Alliance military vessel and you are risking Alliance security by allowing non-humans aboard!" The admiral still looked unconvinced.

She took a deep breath. This was what she had been afraid of and this was surely a time to keep her temper in check. Shepard squared her shoulders and smiled.

"Admiral, maybe we have to show less distrust to our allies if we expect them to accept us fully. What kind of secrets are they supposed to exploit? The turians help design the Normandy. Most of the innovations are based on turian design. The asari have been traveling space a whole lot longer than humans. They believe their ships to be superior, so they will only be marginally interested in our ship designs. Anyway, the asari on my team is an archeologist and an expert on protheans, not space travel. And Tali, our quarian, is _teaching_ my people in engineering a thing or two. CHENG Adams is very happy to have her. He believes her to be a valuable asset to the team and if my CHENG says that, then I agree with him. Engineering is his domain, not mine. That is why we have experts." She spoke with true conviction. In her mind it was as likely that a human could betray her as a non-human and she believed in giving everyone a fair chance. If someone aboard did not follow instructions, and thus endangered a mission, they would quickly find themselves dropped off at the next planet or space station. And in her opinion she would be a poor commander if she couldn't take the advice of her specialists.

Mikhailovich looked hard at her. Then, barely perceptible, he nodded his head. "Very well, Commander. I may not agree with you in all points but I believe you will use the Normandy to your, and her, best abilities. My report to the Joint Military Command will be more favorable than I had intended. Good hunting, Commander."

They waited for a moment as they watched the admiral walk away. Shepard exhaled the breath she had been holding slowly. Kaidan could hardy believe the rear admiral had let them off so easily. He looked at Shepard with admiration, certain that no other commander would have been able to change the admiral's mind. _She is incredible_.

"Well," Shepard quietly said, "that went better than expected. We'll just have to wait and see just how _favorable_ that report turns out to be. And now let's get this unpleasant business with Admiral Kahoku done. Lieutenant, do you have the dog tags?"

"Yes, Commander," Kaidan answered solemnly. Shepard shot him a short smile that sent a warm feeling spreading through his chest. He felt he could bask in that smile forever.

"Good. Let's go. The sooner we get this done the sooner I can get out of this damn dress uniform." She walked off towards the elevator, leaving the other two to follow in her wake.

The elevator ride was silent apart from the news broadcast about the resolved hostage situation of Chairman Burns. Somebody must have decided to give the press a little more information for the broadcast mentioned that Shepard, and more importantly Kaidan, had been the ones to appease the situation. Shepard snuck a short glimpse at Kaidan to see if he reacted to being mentioned on the news broadcast in any way but he kept his face impassive, only the faintest hint of a blush colored his cheeks. She returned her eyes to the front just in time to see the elevator doors open and reveal...Khalisa Bint Sinan al-Jilani. Shepard managed to suppress a groan of annoyance. She was definitely _not_ in the mood to deal with the press, much less with al-Jilani, after the snap inspection from Mikhailovich.

She practically swept passed al-Jilani, ignoring the insistent calls of "Commander Shepard! Commander Shepard!" behind her. And she did not turn around, even at the Rapid Transit terminal.

"Is she following us?" she asked no one in particular, keeping her eyes fixed on the terminal as she punched in their destination.

"No, Skipper. She stayed glued to that spot in front of the elevator," Ashley said after throwing a quick look over her shoulder.

"Great," Shepard muttered sarcastically. "That means she'll still be there when we get back."

They continued their way to the Citadel Tower and found Admiral Kahoku near the communications terminal where they had first met him. He saw them approach and his face fell. It was obvious they weren't returning with good news. Three Alliance marines in dress uniform walking his way with serious expressions on their faces was not a good sign.

"Commander, have you found any sign of my marines?" he asked nonetheless, hoping that there had at least been some survivors.

Shepard bowed her head and then stepped forward.

"Admiral, I am sorry to inform you that the entire platoon was KIA." Shepard glanced over her shoulder at Kaidan. "Lieutenant."

Kaidan stepped forward and handed Kahoku the box containing the collected dog tags.

"Sir," Kaidan saluted, "these are the dog tags we were able to retrieve. Unfortunately not all."

"What?! How..." The admiral stared at the box.

"It was a trap." Shepard's voice was grim. A remnant of pain flashed through her eyes, barely discernible. It passed so quickly Kaidan wasn't sure if he had really seen anything. "Somebody place a distress signal in a thresher nest and lured them there. They were obviously caught completely unaware. I am sorry, Admiral. As Lieutenant Alenko just said, we retrieved as many tags as we could. Unfortunately some were completely dissolved by maw acid."

Admiral Kahoku dropped his head to his chest. He inhaled slowly before lifting his head again, clutching the small box containing the dog tags.

"Thank you, Commander. I...have some things to check. And I must inform the families."

"Do you need any help with that, sir?" her voice was soft. She did not envy the admiral. Delivering this kind of news was one of the toughest jobs Alliance soldiers had to do. She had done it after Akuze, had gone to every single spouse, sibling, parent of her fallen comrades. Everybody told her that other personnel would handle it but she had insisted it had to be her. Hackett had been the one to cave in, saying that he wasn't one to argue with a Shepard. It had been hell and it hadn't helped her find the closure or consolation she had been looking for. She still remembered the sometimes rather unveiled accusations along the line of 'Why are they dead and why are you alive'. As much as she knew it hadn't been the intent of those left behind to hurt her it still had.

"No, Commander. You have done enough. But...if I find any information on who might be responsible, I will contact you."

"I will gladly be of assistance, Admiral." She bowed her head in acquiescence.

The admiral nodded and walked away. Shepard exhaled slowly and turned around to her squad mates.

"Now let's get back to the Normandy. Before we go to the Embassies to meet with this Nassana Dantius I want to be geared up properly. And whatever happens, don't react to al-Jilani!"

As they walked to the Rapid Transit terminal they became aware of a salarian inspecting? examining? a keeper. After a short conversation Shepard agreed to help the salarian to collect readings of the keepers. Truth be told, she was almost as curious as he was to find out _what_ exactly the keepers did. Or where they came from.

* * *

They returned to the Normandy without any incident and went to the Embassies to meet with Nassana Dantius. On their way they met Samesh Bhatia, whose wife had served in the 212 on Eden Prime and whose body had not been released for burial by the Alliance. Of course she would take care of that as well, not only because the 212 was Ashley's old unit. Luckily the Alliance official responsible was at the diplomats' bar in the Embassies. Unfortunately he kept saying things such as 'it is possible that Bhatia saves more lives in death than she ever did in life'. Nick had just about had it today. Her temper was nearly boiling again.

"Shit like this is not what I risk my life for every fucking day!" she hissed at him. "The man wants to put his wife to rest so he can mourn her according to his belief and you tell me he can't because she _might save more lives in death_? Fuck this! Listen to me, because I am in no mood to say it again. Before running tests on a marine that was KIA you get the approval of their nearest kin, you got that? And now, release her." Shepard held her head high, nostrils flaring, her blue-gray eyes flashing.

"But Commander, you have to understand our position! We have to run these tests." The Alliance official began defending the decision in an almost condescending manner. "And I am sure you wouldn't risk a diplomatic incident over one fallen soldier." That was definitely the wrong thing to say. Both Alliance soldiers accompanying the commander bristled at those words the official noticed.

Shepard stepped forward with one foot, leaning ever so slightly to the front. This guy was asking for a serious punch in the throat. Her stare was icy, as was her growled reply. "Just try me! I hate having to repeat myself. _Release her._ Or I will invoke Spectre authority. And that is a promise!"

The official realized that he was maneuvering on thin ice and held up his hands in defeat. "I will order the release immediately."

Nick's stance relaxed and she smiled sweetly. "Thank you. That wasn't that difficult, was it?" The Alliance official looked slightly taken aback at the swift alteration of her mood. For a moment he had been certain she would have shot him, consequences be damned. And now that she had achieved her goal she had this almost angelic smile on her face. She turned away from him and addressed Kaidan and Ashley. "Let's find this Dantius woman. And she had better have something important for us to do or I am going to blow shit up."

Kaidan gave her his crooked half-smile and shook his head. Ashley laughed quietly. Nick couldn't help but grin back at both of them.

Nassana Dantius turned out to be an asari diplomat whose sister had been kidnapped by pirates, slavers, Dantius wasn't sure. Unfortunately she had paid the ransom already. Nick shook her head. _Stupid_. Nonetheless, they would keep an eye out. Shepard sighed audibly as they stepped back out of the Embassies and headed to the elevator down to C-Sec.

"Alright, you two. You've been running around the Presidium with me for what probably feels like hours now. I thing you've earned a few hours of liberty before we head for Feros. I told Garrus, Liara, Wrex and Tali to meet me at Spectre requisitions in," she glanced at the clock on her omnitool, "ah, ten minutes and then maybe I'll head to that new place on the Wards. What was it? Flux? I think it's time for those drinks I promised before they made me a Spectre."

"That sounds perfect, Skipper," Ashley grinned. "Wouldn't you say so, LT?"

Nick turned her blue gaze to Kaidan and time around him slowed again. He could have sworn they were the only two people in the universe. He blinked and cleared his throat, hoping his voice would work properly.

"Yeah, sounds great," he answered, his voice sounding raspier than ever.

He was rewarded with a dazzling smile from Shepard before she turned her bright gaze to Ashley. He closed his eyes briefly. _Remember she is your Commander._

* * *

Shepard should have known that she would find more work at Flux. She _really_ should have. She just _had_ to say she would talk to this woman's sister about the dangers of working undercover in a 'gentleman's club'. She still cringed at the expression. It was a strip club and she certainly didn't find that kind of _entertainment_ gentlemanly.

Maybe I have some kind of complex, I am constantly agreeing to help people, she mused.

And it had all started out so nicely. After visiting Spectre requisitions with the non-humans on her team they had all made their way to Flux. They had somehow managed the incredible feat of securing a table large enough for all of them, including Wrex. As they drank their first round of drinks Shepard couldn't help but overhear the conversation between the bartender and one of the serving girls, Rita. And _of course_ she had to inquire for more details.

"Okay, who is willing to forego the drinks for now and see what this undercover cop business is about?" she looked expectantly into the round. Ash gave her a look that could not have said _You've gotta be kidding_ any clearer. Wrex mumbled something about C-Sec and Liara looked uncertain. Nick turned to look at Kaidan, Garrus and Tali. There seemed to be an increasingly heated discussion going on. Shepard was certain she hadn't seen the young quarian so...lively. She caught something about 'omnitool' and 'micro-processing'. Apparently they were just so enthralled by tech that the moment the three of them were within talking range they inevitably turned to talking about, well, _tech_. Okay, Nick thought, we'll do this differently then.

"Alenko, Vakarian," she almost barked, addressing them with her Commander-voice. "You're with me. We've got work to do."

So, instead of happily drinking at the bar, she found herself heading for Chora's Den together with Kaidan and Garrus. Jenna did not prove to be very compliant. Actually, she was almost haughty in her demeanor and Nick felt inclined to slap her. To top things off a turian had bumped into her on their way out feigning intoxication and told her to meet him at C-Sec.

Now, after being berated by the C-Sec officer for almost blowing Jenna's cover, they were on their way to acquire some illegal weapon mods. _Chellick_ _was righ_ t, she thought glumly as they headed for the market booths on the Lower Wards. She should have thought of that on her own. In retrospect she had acted damn foolishly.

 _Why didn't Alenko and Vakarian speak up? They must've realized my mistake right away._ _Hell, Garrus definitely should have known, he was ex-C-Sec, after all. And Kaidan always th_ _inks_ _of everything._ _No way in hell he didn't see the flaw in_ _my_ _actions._

She gave both a short look and noticed a slightly pinched look around Kaidan's eyes and a pallor that was unusual. Then she remembered that Chora's Den had given him a migraine the last time they had been there. _God, sometimes she sucked as a commander._ She turned to face him as they waited for an elevator.

"Lieutenant, are you alright? Do you have another migraine coming on?" There was true concern in her voice and it warmed Kaidan's heart, though he knew she showed the same concern for anybody in her squad. "I know Chora's Den gave you a migraine last time. I should have remembered."

He smiled briefly. "It's no problem, Commander. Don't know why that place gets to me like that. Flux has flashy lights and loud music as well and I'm fine there. It'll pass soon."

"Oh, it gets to me as well. It just doesn't trigger a migraine in my head." She gave him another look. Kaidan returned her gaze steadily and she realized he was already less pale. Those chocolate-colored eyes with their golden specks were like magnets. She could gaze into those eyes forever, feeling almost oblivious of their surroundings. As much as she liked Garrus, she really wished she could find some time alone with Kaidan. _Maybe when we're back on the Normandy…_ Biting her lower lip she looked away. _Stay professional, Nick, stay professional._ _Remember, y_ _ou are his commander!_

Kaidan watched her bite her lip and found it ... arousing. He willed down his tingling biotics. _Does she even realize just how hot that looks?_

The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. Most of the time the elevators on the Citadel tended to be surprisingly empty. This one, though, wasn't. It wasn't cramped but there were too many people inside to keep a professional distance. Eyes glued to the front, Nick reached out to touch the panel only to brush against the back of Kaidan's hand instead, sending shivers of delight down her spine.

Kaidan couldn't suppress his biotics this time. Tell-tale wisps of blue danced from his fingertips up to his elbow before he managed to get them back under control. He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them he looked over at Garrus, wondering if the turian had noticed anything. Garrus looked back with what Kaidan assumed to be an expression of amusement. _Damn it._

As soon as her fingertips brushed against Kaidan's hand she had known whose hand it was. Her head snapped to the side and she saw the wisps of blue before they dissipated. Her eyes found Kaidan's and saw that the usual whiskey-color was drowned in whirls of blue energy before he closed his eyes. She felt her knees trembling. _Damn. It._

* * *

When they arrived at the place of delivery it took all her self-control to take the mods, _pay_ for them and let the smugglers go their way. She felt her fingers twitch. She really would have preferred arresting the lot of them and she was fairly certain Garrus and Kaidan felt the same. It was a good thing she had Kaidan along, she reflected. Garrus was as much a hothead as she was, but Kaidan was... cautious, yes that was the right word. Always. It was funny, his presence alone made her more even-tempered. She couldn't remember ever meeting such a controlled and level-headed person. That was why she nearly always took him along. _Oh, quit trying to fool yourself._

They made their way back to C-Sec and she took the time to scan a few more Keepers on the way. Garrus tilted his head to one side and clicked his mandibles lightly.

"You do know there are a number of laws here all along the line of 'Do Not Disturb The Keepers'?" he finally asked. Shepard looked at him with a slightly baffled expression.

"A shitload, more like. You've gotta admit though, they don't seem very 'disturbed', do they? And anyway, I am quite curious about this research project myself. Lieutenant," she turned her head toward Kaidan, "do you think the keepers look disturbed?"

Kaidan glanced at the keeper who just continued doing whatever it was they did. "No, Commander. It doesn't look any more bothered by us than by any other passer-by."

"My thoughts exactly. And anyway, if anybody complains I can always pull the Spectre-card as last resort. If it should really be necessary." She shrugged lightly.

"Is this one of those 'exceptions to the rules' you told me about the other day, Shepard?" Garrus' two-toned voice sounded almost amused.

"Geez, Vakarian. I don't think I'm endangering anybody's life by holding a scanner in the direction of a keeper. Or do you expect one of them is going to, I don't know, _explode_ or something?" Shepard put a hand on her hip, cocking it slightly to the side as she shook her head.

Garrus laughed. "No, you're right. It doesn't matter."

"Damn right it doesn't." She gave him a mock glare. "Now let's get back to Chellick. He'll want these mods. And then we get our asses back to Flux. I have at least one beer with my name on it waiting for me there!"


	12. X57

Kaidan headed back to the Normandy slowly. It was only 1700 and the others were still at Flux but he had excused himself, saying he had some work to do yet, namely finish the duty roster for the next day. While it wasn't a lie it also wasn't the main reason for his early retreat either. He needed a little bit of time to himself to think about what exactly was happening between Shepard and him. Or rather about how to deal with it. He never before fallen in love with someone serving on the same ship as he was, much less with a commanding officer. And the last thing he wanted was to jeopardize the mission or her career. Or his career.

He stopped at a vendor and bought two bottles of beer yet that he would drink together with Joker who was still aboard. Ashley had tried to convince Joker to come along but he hadn't budged. Shepard had watched for a short time and then told the chief to leave the pilot be. Then she had turned to Joker with the words, "Next time, Joker, you're not hiding in the cockpit. I don't care if we have to push you in a wheelchair or not, you will be coming along." Her tone had left no room for argument. Joker's usual snarkiness had been blown away and he had answered with a sullen, "Yes, ma'am."

Kaidan smiled at the thought. It was hard to turn down Shepard. Joker sometimes had the tendency to be almost glued to his pilot seat. Sure, Kaidan could understand why but he also knew that Joker actually enjoyed going out for a couple of beers with his friends.

He shook his head when he saw Khalisa al-Jilani still waiting in front of the elevator to the Alliance docking bay. She had of course recognized him as one of Shepard's crew immediately and tried getting his attention. One thing was certain, that woman was persistent. She was out of luck, though. First of all, he was not going to answer any questions to someone who wrote slanderous things about Shepard. He'd probably forget his upbringing and punch her. And secondly, he was almost as fond of the press as Shepard was. Emily Wong hadn't seemed that bad, as far as reporters go but most of them were more like al-Jilani.

"Lieutenant Alenko is aboard," the ethereal voice of the Normandy VI chimed as soon as he stepped out of the decontamination chamber.

He went straight to the helm where Joker was already running flight preparations.

"Hey," Kaidan sat down in the co-pilot seat without waiting for Joker's reply. "I brought you a beer."

Joker cast him a funny look from the side as he took the offered bottle.

"What?" Kaidan furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Why aren't you still out with the others? You're the first one back from liberty and you're an hour early. I would've thought you'd spend every possible minute with our Commander." He waggled his eyebrows.

"Have to finish the duty rosters for tomorrow yet," Kaidan shrugged nonchalantly.

"Uh-huh. And what's the real reason?" Joker wasn't fooled by his friends' answer and Kaidan knew it.

Kaidan sighed. "I have to think about...things."

"You mean your feelings for our CO," Joker clarified, pulling a bottle opener out of his pocket and opening his bottle before handing the opener to Kaidan.

"No, not my feelings. I am perfectly aware of my feelings," Kaidan answered, taking a swig of his beer. "I have to think about how to _deal_ with my feelings. That is the problem," he fell silent for a moment, "or maybe those are the problems. Plural. My feelings and the fact that this is our CO we're talking about."

"Okay, bud, I know you've got it bad but _how_ bad are we talking exactly?" Joker inquired before taking a big swallow from his bottle. Kaidan groaned and let his head fall forward onto the work station, earning a raised eyebrow from the pilot.

"Bad," Kaidan admitted when he raised his head again.

"Damn, Kaidan. That's a rough spot you've gotten yourself into." Joker was unusually serious.

"You don't say," came the muttered reply.

"Have you considered just giving it a shot?" Joker asked. "I'm pretty sure Shepard feels the same."

Kaidan was astounded. Was his best friend telling him he should seriously consider breaking regs with their commander? And did she really feel the same? Sure, she liked to flirt with him. "Maybe she does, I don't know. She seems to enjoy my company, I suppose." He ignored the pointed glare Joker was giving him. "But, are you serious? I don't want to jeopardize anything. Not the mission, not her career. Not my career," he added quietly.

"There's your answer then," Joker said pragmatically. "Look, Kaidan, either you're willing to take the risk or you're not. Easy as pie."

"No, there's my dilemma. I know I shouldn't pursue anything but I _want_ to. Hell, do I ever." Kaidan finished off his beer, throwing a regretful glance at the empty bottle. "I should've bought a six-pack."

"Yeah, you should have. This is not a conversation to have sober."

"Asshole." Kaidan rolled his eyes.

"You're welcome."

They fell silent and Kaidan powered up his console. It was almost 1800 and the rest of the crew should be returning soon. He called up the duty roster and began working. Joker was right, of course. It all boiled down to one question. _Do I think it's worth the risk?_ Deep down he already knew the answer.

* * *

Shepard felt the pleasant buzz of a couple of beers as she walked back to the Normandy together with the others. She couldn't help but smile as she watched Ashley and Wrex talk about the newest weapon mods. Apparently Ashley wasn't quite as a xenophobic as she gave herself. True, she still seemed uncomfortable around Garrus, but Wrex and her seemed to get along just fine. And she was friendly enough to Tali and Liara. But, Nick thought, I'll get behind the whole story yet.

Garrus and Tali were walking right behind her, still talking about tech. It made her wonder if they ever talked about anything else. Which left Liara to walk with her. Liara, who was sweet and friendly. A little too friendly, perhaps. Shepard would have preferred Kaidan's company but he had to be a model officer and had left Flux an hour before everybody else in order to finish up some work. She cringed thinking about the paperwork on her desk. She glanced at Liara and found her staring at her. Okay, this was starting to get a little disconcerting.

"I wanted to talk to Garrus yet. Excuse me please." She smiled at Liara, and let herself drop back next to Garrus.

"Can we talk for a moment?" she asked him. She nodded to Tali, who took her place walking with Liara.

"Sure."

"I was wondering, why did you join C-Sec?"

Garrus clicked his mandibles before answering. "Several reasons, I guess. Wanting to fight crime and injustice, wanting to help people. And my father probably had something to do with it. He was C-Sec. One of the best. I grew up hearing about his accomplishments and seeing his picture on the vids after a big arrest." he paused, "He is taking my resignation pretty hard."

"Huh. I understand your father having an influence on your career choice. Guess it's the same with me. Who knows what I would have done if my parents weren't both Alliance soldiers," Shepard remarked. "But you'd think he'd be proud that you're going after Saren."

Garrus shook his head. "My father is C-Sec to the bone. Do things right or don't do them at all, that's what he says. He thinks I'm being too rash, too impatient. He's afraid I might go down the same path as Saren did." Another pause. "Actually he talked me out of becoming a Spectre when I was younger."

"You were asked to be a Spectre?" Shepard was surprised.

"I was targeted as a possible Spectre candidate together with a thousand other turian military recruits," Garrus explained. "My father was against it. He despises the Spectres and hates the idea of someone having unlimited power. He wouldn't like you. No offense."

"None taken. I guess I can understand his concerns. Unlimited power can get to people's heads. But I am not Saren. And neither are you."

"Saren won't play by our rules, by C-Sec's rules, Commander! You won't be able to nail Saren if you are restricted by policies and endless procedures," Garrus insisted.

Shepard shook her head. "No, Garrus. Just because you can break the rules doesn't mean you have to. I don't need to stoop to Saren's level to stop him and neither you or me or anyone else on are team are going to. Haven't I told you something similar already? And before you ask me about scanning the keepers and C-Sec's rules concerning that subject, I'd say there is a significant difference between the rules I bend and the rules he breaks, right?"

Garrus laughed. "So you just interpret the rules loosely, is that what you mean?"

"Exactly." Shepard grinned at him.

"Speaking of bending rules. You and Alenko like each other, don't you?"

"Oh, for the love of - ." Nick closed her eyes and groaned inwardly. So much for keeping her feelings hidden and appearing professional. "Why do you ask, Garrus?"

"I heard Ashley saying something about it to Kaidan the other day and he brushed her off, asking if the word 'regs' told her anything. So I figure the Alliance has rules concerning relationships between its soldiers."

"I am going to kill her," Shepard muttered under her breath. She inhaled sharply. "Yes, there are regs concerning fraternization."

"And you are spending a lot of time thinking about those regs, aren't you?" the turian asked shrewdly.

She threw him an alarmed look. "Is it that obvious?"

"No, but working for C-Sec you learn to read the body language of different species. And you learn to watch for little tell-tales. You hide it better than Kaidan. His biotics give him away when he is… flustered."

"Oh. The elevator." Shepard looked away. Garrus inclined his head in agreement.

"Don't worry," Garrus assured her. "I'm not going to rat you out. Why should I? I like you both and turians are obviously more laid back when it comes to fraternization anyway. Apart from that, look at it this way: You're a Spectre." he gave her the turian equivalent of a smug grin and hopped to the side when she tried to swat him.

"Damn smart-ass turian," Shepard grumbled. She had to change the subject. This was too embarrassing. Ah, of course. "Well, Garrus, looking forward to trying out that new sniper rifle?"

"Hell, yes! I can't believe I'll be using a HMWSR VII. You never told any of us what we owe you for all those new toys." He sounded enthusiastic.

Shepard could understand why. Those Spectre Gear weapons were beasts. The shear power of her HMWSR X sniper rifle had nearly knocked her on her ass when she had used it the first time on Therum. But, hell, she loved weapons that packed a punch.

"Maybe next time we're here I'll try to get us all some time at the shooting range," she mused aloud. "And you don't owe me anything. Just always give your best and we're even."

"Sure thing, Shepard."

They had reached the elevator up to the Alliance Docking Bay, Shepard registered. And al-Jilani was still there. Blasted reporter. Nick walked briskly past her, straight onto the elevator. Wrex, Ashley and Tali had already left, while Liara was standing next to the elevator waiting for Shepard and Garrus. Nick couldn't shake the feeling that Liara wanted to talk to her about something. Well, she would have to wait because right now Shepard did not feel like dealing with the young asari again. Nick felt very grateful when Garrus engaged Liara into some light banter during the elevator ride.

Two minutes later they walked into Normandy's airlock. After the decontamination process was finished Shepard went straight to the helm.

"Joker, are we all set? Is everyone aboard?" she asked before even reaching the cockpit.

"Aye, ma'am. You, Garrus and Liara were the last ones to get back."

"Good, take us to Feros then." She paused. "Always assuming we don't stumble over anything interesting, that is." Shepard let her gaze linger on Kaidan for a moment, studying his profile as he continued working before turning back to Joker. "What's our ETA?"

Joker's hands flew over the display. "ETA 49 hours. But only if we don't scan for any resources."

Shepard considered the options shortly. "We need the resources. Change of plans then. First, get us to the Exodus cluster and into the Asgard system. We survey the planets in that system and then head for the Attican Beta cluster."

Joker made the adjustments. "Our ETA in the Asgard system is 21 hours."

"Good. Get us there." Again, she gazed at Kaidan and this time caught his eye. He offered her that almost irresistible lop-sided smile and she smiled back warmly before she realized what she was doing. _No wonder everybody seems to know you've got the hots for your head of marine detail, Shep._ She quickly turned and walked towards the galaxy map.

"See?" she heard Joker say, sounding smug, "I told you." _Told him what, exactly?_

She stopped to talk to XO Pressley, hoping that Kaidan would leave the work station in the helm and go to his work station down on the crew deck. Unfortunately he didn't seem to have any intentions of leaving the helm for now. Maybe it was better like this. The remaining alcohol in her blood was making her feel bold. It would be better to be sober again before talking to Kaidan, otherwise she just might kiss him. With a frustrated sigh she went to her cabin. With some luck at least doing the damn paperwork might be more fun as long as she was still pleasantly buzzed.

* * *

Roughly twenty hours later the Normandy entered the Asgard system. Shepard wasn't quite sure how she had done it but she had managed not to kiss her lieutenant at dinner the night before. It probably helped that he was sitting at the other end of the table, as Liara had occupied his preferred seat. It might have proved rather embarrassing otherwise and needed a lot of explaining. She couldn't forget his reaction to her accidental touch on the elevator, though. It must have affected him quite a bit for him to lose control over his biotics like that, no matter how briefly.

It affected her as well. Her dreams had been...vivid. And luckily not about Eden Prime or Akuze or the Blitz. Now, she wasn't sure if fantasizing about the head of her marine detail was much better. When she woke up she could practically feel the sensation of his hands running over her body, his tongue exploring her. It had left her feeling sexually frustrated like seldom before. A quick glance at her clock told her it was just past 0300. She debated whether she should get up to see if a certain dark-haired lieutenant was just as sleepless as she was and decided against it. Who knows what that would lead to? She groaned. _Worse than a horny teenager_ , she thought while she pleasured herself with her hand, her body still tense from her dream. Her breath became ragged as she neared her climax. _No more alcohol for you_.

Little did she know that Kaidan had just as tantalizing dreams a she had.

_Visions of undressing her slowly, cupping her breasts, rolling her nipples between thumb and finger before flicking over one nipple with his tongue and then the other, hearing her moan lustily when she spreads her thighs so he can pleasure her sensitive nub…_

He woke up with a start, smacking his forehead on the lid of his sleeper pod as he sat up quickly.

"Shit," he groaned rubbing his head. He laid back down. _Okay, what to do about the erection? Jerk off?_ It sounded tempting. Kaidan powered up his omnitool to check the time. 0349. He breathed in deeply. No, while that would bring a certain release he had too much other tension in him. He would take a shower instead. A _very_ _cold_ shower. And then do some work out.

By the beginning of forenoon watch they both had regained enough composure to talk to each other in a professional manner without XO Pressley suspecting any inappropriate thoughts from her about the lieutenant or vice versa at the morning debrief, either of them oblivious to how deeply they affected each other. It was as though the brief touch in the elevator and it's following emotional turmoil had never happened.

Now, after both having focused on their duty, they found themselves in the comm room together waiting for the others to join them. Normandy's sensors had picked up an asteroid on collision course with Terra Nova.

Kaidan took his seat next to her.

"This asteroid, X57, is moving faster than it should?" he asked.

"So it appears. We have a little more than four hours to figure out how we can change its trajectory." She rubbed her hands over her face.

"Damn," he muttered.

"Well put, Alenko. Now we just wait for the rest of the team to show up and then decide what to do."

Just then Ashley and Wrex entered the comm room, followed closely by Garrus, Tali and Liara. As soon as everyone had taken a seat Shepard began the rundown.

"Good, here's the situation: Asteroid X57 is on collision course with Terra Nova, the second human extrasolar colony with a population of over 4 million. At the current rate X57 is expected to impact within the next four hours. The strange thing is the asteroid is traveling faster than it should. Our plan is to drop on X57 in the Mako and find out what is propelling it towards Terra Nova and see if there is any way we can change its trajectory. Would it be possible to bring X57 into a stable orbit?" She looked at Kaidan first, then at the others.

"I guess so. If we are quick enough and don't screw up the math. It won't be easy, though," he admitted.

"Okay. Alenko, Vakarian, gear up. We meet at the Mako in ten. Everybody else, dismissed."

They filed out and Shepard went to her cabin to change into her armor. Carrying her fatigues tossed over her arm she headed for the shuttle bay. As she stepped out of the elevator she saw that both Kaidan and Garrus were almost finished. She walked over and laid her uniform across a bench. Then she came to a halt in front of Kaidan, her back turned to him. She glanced over her shoulder.

"Lieutenant?"

"Right away, Commander," he answered as he fastened the last piece of his armor. Then he began checking every strap and closure of her armor. For a moment she had the feeling as if his hands had been trembling, but she wasn't sure as he fulfilled the job quickly and efficiently. He gave her shoulder a quick double-pat to indicate she was good to go.

"My thanks," she said as she turned around, gesturing for him to turn around so she could check his armor. Her hands were definitely trembling and she hoped he didn't notice it. She gave him the customary double-pat as well. She pretended not to see Garrus' smirk as she went to the weapon bench and began assembling her weapons. Sniper rifle, shotgun. She hesitated and then holstered her pistol as well.

She turned just in time to see Kaidan insert his biotic amp into his amp jack.

"Wait up, Lieutenant," she said, rummaging through a stack of mods until she pulled out a small flat box and tossed it to him. Kaidan caught it and glanced down in wonder. Then his eyes caught the emblem on the box. Serrice Council. It couldn't be… He opened the box to find a Savant within.

"Commander, I - ."

Shepard took the box out of his hands again. "Turn around, Alenko."

She unplugged his Solaris V amp and replaced it with the Savant. Kaidan shivered slightly as he felt the sensation of the new amp as well as Shepard's fingers touching his implant site. _God, is it powerful_. It would take some getting used to.

"Let's get going. Alenko, you're on the scanners. Keep me updated. Vakarian, weapons. I - ."

"Drive," the other two said in unison.

"Exactly!" Shepard grinned as she jumped into the driver's seat. She opened the comm. "Joker, we're ready for the drop."

* * *

A short while later they found themselves on the surface of X57. They had hardly touched down when they were hailed over radio by a frightened-sounding woman.

" _Hello? Hello? Can anybody hear me? If someone is receiving this message, please shut down the fusion torches! Please, they are attacking the facility. Shut down the fusion torches!"_

The radio went silent again.

Shepard accelerated the Mako towards the clearly visible fusion torch.

"Turrets!" Kaidan suddenly called out. "One at nine o'clock, four more between ten and eleven o'clock and one at one o'clock."

"Shit!" Shepard slammed the Mako in reverse. _Six turrets all at once? What the fuck?_ "Alenko, I am going to inch this baby forward slowly. You tell me exactly which turret shows up on the display first. We have to take these out one by one."

"Aye-aye, Commander."

They took out the turrets at nine o'clock and one o'clock in the Mako. Then Shepard decided to change things up. She sped up to full speed past the remaining four turrets and began climbing a rather sharp incline. Driving back along a ridge towards the fusion torch she then parked the Mako. Kaidan knew instantly what she planned on doing. That crazy woman was going to take out four heavy turrets on foot. They disembarked the Mako.

"Garrus, you start with the turret at twelve o'clock. I'll take the one a t nine o'clock," she ordered. "Alenko, you're with me."

Kaidan felt useless for a moment. He didn't have a sniper rifle. And even if he did, he was a lousy shot with it. Long range was not his forte. For a brief second he wondered how he was supposed to help her. _Of course_ , he could Overload the shields. He went into cover next to Shepard and readied a tech attack. He peaked over his cover to see the muzzle flash of the turret and dropped back down quickly. As the rocket flew over them he tossed an Oveload at the turret, stripping down a large amount of its shields. While his Omni-tool cooled down Shepard fired her rifle at the heavy turret and he warped it to strip away the remaining shields. They both ducked low again as a rocket whizzed overhead. Kaidan checked his omnitool. He frowned slightly. Maybe he shouldn't have insisted on the Logic Arrest after all. As soon as was possible he sent a Sabotage at the turret.

When the first turret exploded Shepard turned her head, grinning at him with bright eyes. "Good job with those tech attacks, Alenko."

They took out the next turret in the same fashion and then joined Garrus on the last one, making short work of it. They returned to the Mako and drove to the building at the foot of the fusion torch. Shepard readied her shotgun as soon as she climbed out of the Mako. They entered the building warily.

The entrance room was empty but the next door opened to reveal a pair of varren and some batarians.

"Shit!" both Shepard and Garrus cursed as their weapons had been sabotaged. They leapt into cover, while Kaidan Threw the varren and both batarians back forcefully before also seeking cover. Meanwhile Shepard had spotted the sniper responsible for the Sabotage.

"Can one of you Overload that fuel tank back there? The sniper is holed up there."

Garrus nodded and Overloaded the fuel tank causing it to explode while Kaidan Lifted the two remaining varren and another batarian. Shepard took care of the last one.

They searched the facility and found the controls for the torch on the second level. Shepard swiftly deactivated the torch and was almost instantly hailed via radio by the unknown woman. She informed them that the asteroid had been attacked by batarian extremists.

" _I don't know why they're here, but they've killed a lot of personnel. I can't talk much longer! They might find me."_

Shepard just managed to find out the young woman's name before there was radio silence again.

"Okay," she said turning to Kaidan and Garrus, "one down, two to go."

They went back to the ground level. Nick stepped through the door into the entrance room when a single shot rang out. Her shields deflected the shot and she suddenly felt a cool breeze sweep over her from behind. Her skin tingled at the sensation. Kaidan had instinctively fired up a Barrier, pushing it outward, enveloping her within it as well. Her eyes fell on a man holding a pistol at her. She narrowed her eyes.

"What's wrong with you? You can't just go shooting at people!" Shepard snapped, more because she was annoyed with herself. She had let her guard down and become careless. There could have been more batarians waiting here instead.

"I...I am sorry," the man with the pistol stuttered. "I thought you were just more batarians. I didn't hurt you did I?"

"The difference is easy to spot. Humans – two eyes, batarians – four eyes!"

"Yes, yes of course." The poor man was shaking. Nick closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

After a short conversation they learned that his name was Simon Atwell, leading scientist on X57. He gave them a short overview of the catastrophic impact the collision of the asteroid with Terra Nova would have. He sounded relieved when he heard Kate Bowman was yet alive.

"I hope she doesn't do anything stupid. She's one of the best engineers I've worked with. Signed up together with her brother, Aaron," the scientist sighed.

"Do you have any idea what those batarians want?" Garrus inquired.

Atwell shook his head. "No. And it doesn't make any sense. Batarians are pirates and slavers, not planet killers. Not even the hegemony would sanction something like this."

"Probably not," Shepard agreed slowly. "That doesn't mean they don't have their share of madmen."

"True. I guess the leader of the batarians could qualify as one. His name, I believe, is Balak. And one more thing," the scientist looked a little awkward, "eh, when you get to the second torch you will have to proceed very carefully. It is surrounded by live blasting caps."

"Live blasting ... _sonofabitch_ , that is just great." Shepard paused, looking at him intently. "Can't you disarm them from here?"

"Unfortunately not." He shook his head.

"Fuck. Okay, Simon, you stay hidden. We have work to do," she said, stomping off without another word.

"I have a request yet, please." Simon called out before she exited the building. "Three of my engineers were sent to different survey stations this morning. Is there any chance you could see if you find any trace of them."

"If there is time, yes."

"Thank you."

They approached the second torch slowly. Shepard waited for Kaidan to let her know when they reached the danger zone.

"I think I'd park here, Commander," he said eventually. "I have three, no four, turrets on-screen and a shitload of smaller explosives, probably the live blasting caps."

Shepard stopped the Mako and climbed out of her seat. She leaned over his shoulder to look at the display, memorizing the positions of the turrets. He was very aware of her, the scent of her shampoo filling his nose. He kept his eyes glued on the display in front of him.

They took out the turrets as they had the ones by the first fusion torch facility. Then they carefully inched their way through the minefield. It wasn't made any easier thanks to the presence of two Batarian Troopers as well as two Batarian Rocket Soldiers. Once they were taken care of Kaidan quickly disabled the blasting caps. After a quick nod from Shepard they entered the second facility.

Inside more troopers awaited them, along with a truly pesky engineer. And Rocket Drones.

"I hate drones!" Shepard muttered angrily, scrambling for cover as a shot barely missed her. "Kaidan, Garrus – Overload those bastards!"

While Kaidan and Garrus followed her wish and sent Overload after Overload at the drones Shepard whittled down the troopers. Then they focused on the engineer. Kaidan Sabotaged his weapons while Garrus used his Damping talent, rendering the Batarian Engineer almost helpless. Shepard used that short moment for a perfect head shot.

Once he was down they went to the second level in search of the fusion torch controls. Shepard shut down the torch.

"Two down," Garrus commented.

" _Commander, the batarians know somebody is shutting down the torches."_ Kate Bowman's voice came in. _"And now they intend to blow up the main facility. You have to hurry!"_

" _Get away from the radio!"_ a second voice snarled. _"Who is shutting down the torches? Tell me now or your companion here won't live to see another day!"_

Silence. Then, they heard a single shot ring out. The second voice spoke up again. _"Take her away. Charn, find this problem and deal with it!"_

Shepard punched the wall with a strangled cry of frustration. She let her head hang low for a second before gesturing for them to move out.

"We'll get them, Commander," Kaidan said firmly, locking his eyes with hers before they left the building. She held his gaze, giving him a small smile and nodded curtly.

The last fusion torch building was surrounded by six more heavy turrets. As before Shepard came over to Kaidan's station and had a close look at the display. Then she told them how she planned on destroying the turrets. Garrus just nodded while Kaidan answered, "Aye-aye."

After the last turret was nothing more than a smoking ruin they entered the final torch building. They took care of the batarians and their varren with a combination of biotics, tech attacks and arms before seeking the console to shut down the last fusion torch.

"And that's done," Shepard said with grim satisfaction. "Now for the main facility and that batarian bastard Balak."

As they rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairwell they saw a group of batarians standing in their way. The leader of the group extended his hand palm outward.

"Maybe we can find a way to solve this peacefully," the batarian began. "I signed up for a simple slave grab..."

"Simple slave grab?! This is no _simple slave grab,_ " Shepard snarled, clutching her shotgun.

"You think I don't know that? I am getting pretty tired of following Balak's personal crusade. But I can't just walk away and leave."

"And why's that?" Shepard watched the batarian through narrowed eyes.

"Because," Charn continued unperturbed, "Balak ordered me to find and execute you. And Balak always gets what he wants."

"That so?" Shepard sneered. Kaidan was certain they wouldn't get away without a fight. Mainly because Shepard _wanted_ a fight. She was pissed. And, he had figured that out some time ago, when she got pissed she was undiplomatic. To put it mildly. Actually he was almost surprised she hadn't put a bullet between the batarian's four eyes yet.

"Let me tell you something. You tell me where the main facility is, how to get in and then you get off this rock. And if I ever see you again I will feed you with every round of ammo I have on me."

The batarian hesitated, clearly contemplating the offer, then shook his head. "Balak will skin me alive."

"The hard way then." Shepard brought up her shotgun in a swift, fluent movement and shot the shock trooper to Charn's right.

"Damn it!" the batarian yelled.

It was quite the fight. Between Batarian War Beasts, Shock Troopers, regular Troopers, a Sniper, an Engineer and finally Balak's second-in-command, Charn they had their work cut out for them. Kaidan sent a Sabotage followed by a Warp at the engineer at the same time as Garrus Overloaded his shields. The resulting explosion was impressive. Then Kaidan quickly Lifted two war beasts. Garrus had pulled his assault rifle and fired at will. Meanwhile Shepard was sneaking around the crates, taking out batarians at close-range with her shotgun. Eventually the last batarian had fallen.

Kaidan was out of breath, his implant burned with the amount of biotics he had released during the fight. _That's another migraine in the making_. He grimaced slightly. His new amp was powerful and he would need some practice before he would be able to use it to his best abilities. Today he seemed to have overtaxed it.

Shepard went to Charn's body and began searching for something. When she stood up she held something that looked much like an entrance pass.

Some time later Shepard stopped the Mako just outside of the range of the heavy turrets surrounding the main facility. She sighed.

"You know the drill," was all she said before they set to work.

Finally, the turrets were down and they drove to the entrance of the main facility. They disembarked and Shepard gained access to the facility with the card she had retrieved from Charn's body.

Inside they fought their way through more batarian troops. Suddenly a voice rang out from behind them.

"You humans think you can have everything. You claim our territory and our resources and whine when we retaliate. It is quite the coincidence that you are here, _Commander Shepard_."

"Retaliate? We didn't attack your colonies! You attacked Elysium." If Shepard was surprised at Balak knowing her name she didn't show it. The more Kaidan thought about it it made sense. The fact that she was the Hero of Elysium was common fact and there were surely more than enough batarians that seeked revenge for the failed Blitz. Failed, in large part, because of her.

"Elysium!" he hissed. "It is your fault the Blitz failed. Well, I am not failing today." he smiled menacingly. "The hostages are over there somewhere. If you manage to disable all detonation charges throughout the building you can save them. You have five minutes, _Commander_. I, of course, will be gone by then."

"God- _fucking_ -damnit," Shepard snarled. _Bloody bastard!_ "Next time I see you, Balak, you are dead meat. Alenko, you know what to do!"

Kaidan took of at full speed to find the detonation charges and disarm them while Garrus and Shepard fought off the rocket drones and troopers trying to hinder them. A drone appeared in front of him and he unleashed a Throw powerful enough to smash it against wall where it exploded. The only good thing was that the bombs were rigged in a really simple way. After disarming the last bomb he wiped the perspiration off his brow and looked up to see Shepard and Garrus jogging toward him.

"Good work, Lieutenant."

"Thanks, Commander."

"You let him go?" the voice of Simon Atwell interrupted them. Shepard spun around.

"Pretty sure I told you to stay hidden."

"I couldn't," the man admitted. "But why did you let him go?"

"Was I supposed to let the hostages die instead?" Shepard asked with a growl. "That's not how I work."

The scientist took two steps back. "No, of course not! That's not what I meant. But couldn't he attack somewhere else now?"

"Yes, he could. I don't think he will, though. Once I file my report the Alliance will have his description and he will be hunted. Have you ever hunted, Simon? You wait for your prey to pop up its head and take it out. And that is exactly what will happen to Balak!" The poor man looked flustered, Kaidan felt sorry for him. Shepard could be scary when she was angry.

Atwell exhaled slowly. "Well, I am sure glad you aren't hunting me Commander. Thank you for saving my family and so many others."

"I'm just doing my job."

"Ah, right. Of course. Have you found any signs of my engineers?" he asked almost timidly.

She shook her head. "Not yet. But now that the greatest danger is taken care of we can still do that."

He thanked them again and left.

They found the hostages locked up in a small room. Kate Bowman was among them. Shepard talked to the young woman and learned that the hostage that had been shot had been Kate's brother, Aaron.

"I am truly sorry, Kate. Sorry that we weren't fast enough. Sorry that you lost your brother."

Kate Bowman shook her head. "You don't have to be sorry, Commander. If not for you, we would all be dead along with four million others. But now I would like to be alone for a bit."

"Of course." Shepard nodded at the other hostages and turned to her ground team. "Okay, let's see if we can find Atwell's engineers and then we get off this rock!"


	13. Zhu's Hope

They had indeed found the engineers. Unfortunately, they could only bring Simon Atwell news of their demise. He had again thanked them for their help and they had left, Shepard now the happy owner of a Colossus armor. Now they were back aboard the Normandy on their way to the Hades Gamma cluster and then further to the Attican Beta cluster.

By the time the mission debrief was over Kaidan's head was throbbing. He tried keeping a straight face as he made his way to the med bay, as well as getting there without falling over his own feet. While stripping out of his armor he had felt Shepard's scrutinizing gaze. As much as he wished she had watched him because she enjoyed watching him undress he was certain she knew he was in pain. After they had found the third engineer he had noticed her throwing him the first concerned looks when he had been trying to loosen his increasingly stiff muscles in his neck and shoulders.

The doctor looked up at him as he stumbled gracelessly into the med bay and went straight to the locker where she stowed his medicine.

"How bad?" was all she asked.

"Eight," he managed to force out. It sounded more like a whimper as a flash of pain seared through his head.

"Aura phase?"

Kaidan grunted in conformation.

"Can you tell me what triggered it, or would you rather give me the answer later?" she inquired as she injected his medication into his arm.

"Later, doc. If that's okay," he forced out through gritted teeth.

"Of course, Kaidan. Lay down over there, I'll let the Commander know you're out of the game at least until tomorrow."

Kaidan didn't answer. He was paying for the unchecked use of his biotics on that blasted asteroid and he felt a wave of nausea sweeping over him. He swallowed and tried to focus on his breathing. The aura that had been dancing in front of his eyes during the mission debrief was gone but his sense of position was still messed up. He slowly relaxed as the pain killers numbed the pain and he drifted off into a dreamless drug-induced sleep.

He didn't notice the Commander come in and stand next to him a short time later. His features were carefree and the lines of pain around his eyes were wiped away. Nick breathed in deeply. Foremost she smelled the typical smell of disinfecting agent but also the scent of Kaidan's aftershave and a hint of ozone from his biotics. She had noticed it earlier already but only today in the Mako had her brain made the connection that this combination was uniquely _Kaidan_.

Dr. Chakwas had left the med bay a few minutes earlier and was only mildly surprised when she came back to find Shepard there.

"Commander," she said by way of greeting, trying to keep a smile off her face. The doctor was very aware of the attraction between the CO and the Head of Marine Detail. Unfortunately she was also aware of the regulations concerning fraternization and she was worried for both of them. They were both career soldiers. And while Shepard was willing to bend the rules, Kaidan was strictly by-the-book. But bending rules and breaking them were two different things.

Nick turned around. "Doctor. Will he be fit for duty in the morning?" _Yeah, exactly. Like she believes that you're here for solely professional reasons._

"Yes, Commander. Lieutenant Alenko should be fully recovered by morning."

Shepard shifted uncomfortably. "Good. Thank you, Doctor. I should go," she finished lamely.

"Of course, Commander." There was a hint of amusement in the doctor's voice. Shepard felt a blush creeping up from her neck as she left the med bay. _Damn Doc and her perceptiveness._

* * *

Shepard decided to go down to the cargo hold. She hadn't talked much with Tali or Wrex ever since the business on the MSV Ontario and figured she had some catching up to do. She rolled her shoulders as she waited for the elevator. When the doors finally opened she almost bumped into Liara who wanted to get out.

"Sorry, Liara." Shepard side-stepped and took Liara's place in the elevator. Liara opened her mouth to say something but closed it again and just gave Shepard a funny look. Nick wasn't sure what to make of it. She shook herself. No use worrying about it now. She would talk to Liara later.

Engineer Adams looked up hopefully from his work station where he was working with one of the engineering crew and Tali. His expression fell slightly when he saw Shepard enter.

"Were you waiting for someone else, Adams?" Shepard asked wryly.

"Yes, ma'am. Sorry, but have you seen the lieutenant? Tali here told me about an idea the two of them had come up and we had wanted to give it a try. You know, Alenko would make a fine engineer with the proper schooling."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but Alenko is in the med bay. Migraine," she told them. "Apart from that I think he is a valuable asset to the team as sentinel. And now I would like to steal Tali away for a moment yet too." Shepard smiled at the young quarian and gestured over to a corner where they could talk.

"How are you settling in?" Shepard began.

"Good. You're crew have been great, especially Chief Engineer Adams and Lieutenant Alenko, but," the quarian hesitated, "I still feel out of place. It's so quiet here and the Normandy runs so smooth it feels as if we aren't moving at all. The silence wakes me up at night."

"The silence wakes you up?" Shepard repeated with a quizzical expression.

Tali let out a small huff. "On the Flotilla silence is the last thing you want to hear. It usually means an engine has died or an air filter has shut down. But it's not only that. Also the ship feels so...empty, like half the crew is missing. Funny, before my pilgrimage I couldn't wait to get away from the crowd. Now I miss them."

"Maybe you're a little homesick," Shepard offered softly. Tali turned her head away for a moment before looking back at Shepard.

"You could be right. Thank you."

"I'll let you get back to work." Shepard nodded once and left Engineering, walking over to Wrex. She actually quite enjoyed the krogan's presence. He had a straight-forward way that she knew well from herself.

He sniffed the air as she stepped closer and grinned at her. "Gone to see the biotic again, huh Shepard?"

"Who? Liara? Nah, just passed her in the elevator," she deflected.

"Not the asari. The human. No need to deny it." Wrex tapped his nose. "Where is he anyway? The quarian said he wanted to come down to Engineering and work on something with her and Adams."

"Med bay. Has a killer migraine, I take it," Shepard began only to be interrupted by Wrex.

"So you did go and see him," he chuckled. Shepard rolled her eyes.

"Is there something you want to say, Wrex?"

"Nope. He's a pretty good biotic, just holds back too much. I get the feeling he tries to hold back a lot of things. He could be really powerful if he let go once in a while. Preferably during battle."

"He's not holding back nearly as much as when I first met him," Shepard said. It was true, Kaidan's biotics had improved and today she had seen some of the most powerful biotic attacks she had witnessed from him so far. But maybe Wrex was also right and Kaidan wasn't at the end of his potential yet. She wondered though if his migraines also had something to do with him holding back. Did they get worse, if he used his biotics to the max? Was it her fault he was having migraines so frequently, because he was trying to fulfill her expectations? _No more holding back_. That was, after all, what she had told him on Eden Prime.

They talked for a few more minutes before Shepard took her leave and Wrex turned his attention watching Garrus with a sceptical expression.

Ashley was standing in the corner watching something on her omni-tool. As Shepard drew closer she heard a female voice speak.

" _We saw Kaidan on a news vid about the Normandy. He's cute! Later, sis!_ "

Ashley must have heard her approach. She turned around looking slightly self-conscious. "You didn't hear that, did you? If you did, let's pretend it never happened."

Nick raised he eyebrows.

"Kaidan, huh? Are you interested in the Lieutenant, Chief?" she kept her voice level, keeping the surge of jealousy that ran through her out.

Ash shook her head. "No, ma'am. I see him more like a shy older brother who needs a brash younger sister to keep him on his toes now and then. And anyway, scuttlebutt says he's already sweet on someone."

Shepard's heartbeat picked up and her eyebrows traveled even higher. "Really? And who would that be?"

"You don't know?" Ashley grinned at her. "I'm sure you'll figure it out, Skipper."

As much as she liked Ash for a fleeting moment Nick felt like socking her one. Instead she picked up a different part of the conversation. "Brash younger sister?"

"Yep. LT is so uptight sometimes, he needs someone to tease him and push him out of his comfort zone. That's what younger sisters do. I should know. I have three younger sisters after all. And sometimes his insecurities are kind of cute, but also painful to watch." Ashley was still smirking.

"Uh-huh. He has a sister, you know. A few years his elder."

"Older sisters and younger sisters are two totally different things, skipper."

"I wouldn't know," Shepard admitted. "I'm an only child. With both parents in the Alliance military I guess having more than one was kind of difficult."

"True."

Shepard inquired more about Ashley's family. She could not imagine what it would be like to have three younger sisters. Or elder siblings. And she couldn't help but wonder if maybe Ashley had it wrong. That she wasn't acting like a brash younger sister but a brash older sister instead. After all she was was the eldest of four while Kaidan was the youngest of three.

* * *

It was past midnight when she had finished her report. She had rewritten it again and again. Nick still was not certain if her choice in letting Balak go had truly been the correct one. In her mind she heard Atwell's voice stating Balak could do the same somewhere else. But let the hostages die just to get one batarian asshole? The Alliance had his description, they would be on the lookout now. There was nothing more she could do just now. She had made her decision, for better or for worse. And she was certain she would make the same decision again.

She stretched and left her cabin to get herself some comfort food. She was craving some ice cream and hoped there would be some in the freezer. If not it would be the first thing on the requisitions list.

 _Strawberry_ _._ She frowned as she peered into the freezer. That was just as bad as no ice cream.

Instead she began rummaging through the cabinets, finally taking out a jar of peanut butter and a jar of Nutella and began eating straight out of the jars.

She heard the _whoosh_ of a bulkhead door and turned to see Kaidan squinting his eyes at the light in the mess.

"Feeling better, Lieutenant?" she asked, keeping her voice down. He hadn't noticed her at first and began straightening his crinkled uniform and soon as he heard her speak.

"Ma'am, I - ."

"Those migraines must mess up your memory. Or is it the meds? Don't call me _ma'am_ , Kaidan. I'm not my mom. Anyway, it's almost 0-dark-thirty and there's nobody else here." Nick spooned some peanut butter out of the jar and stuck the spoon in her mouth. "And you haven't answered my question."

"Sorry. I'm not quite there yet." He rubbed the back of his neck, watching her lick off the spoon. As he realized he was staring he quickly looked away and walked to the cabinet containing the energy bars specifically for biotics. "The migraine's not quite gone yet but at least I don't feel sick any more. And after missing a meal I'm hungry but don't feel like going through the trouble of making myself something." Kaidan pulled one out and began unwrapping it. After taking he bite he grimaced.

"Doesn't taste good?"

"Grabbed the wrong flavor." He threw a disgusted look at the wrapper, then at the box it had been in. "I don't generally expect pineapple in the cherry-flavor box."

"You don't like pineapples?"

"Not when we're talking about energy bars for biotics. The texture of sawdust mixed with glue and artificial pineapple flavor?" He shook himself and took another bite of the revolting bar, chewing quickly and swallowing it. "Fresh pineapples are fine, but I can't stand the artificial flavor."

"That's me with strawberries," Shepard said, tipping the spoon against her chin. "I love them fresh but I don't like anything with strawberry flavor. I think I would even go so far as to call strawberry ice cream a major aversion."

Kaidan laughed. "I think there are probably worse things yet than strawberry ice cream, Shepard."

"What, like pineapple ice cream?" she smirked at him.

"Touché." He watched her eat more peanut butter straight out of the jar. She stopped with the spoon halfway to her mouth.

"Something wrong, Kaidan?"

"Uh, I just always thought only my sister did that. You know, go and eat peanut butter and other stuff like that straight out of the jar."

"Nope." She stuck the spoon in her mouth keeping her eyes on him.

"Uh-huh." He glanced down at the empty wrapper. "I, uh, I think I'll hit the rack now."

"Don't you think Doc will miss you in the morning?"

He laughed again quietly. "I'm a big boy, I think I'll risk it. I'm not really fond of sleeping in my uniform. Better than sleeping in armor, sure, but still not my favorite."

 _And what is your favorite way to sleep?_ The question popped up in Nick's mind unbidden and she bit her tongue to refrain from actually asking it. "Glad to see you're feeling better. Go and grab a few more hours of shut-eye then. I'm gonna do the same."

"Will do. Good night, Shepard."

She put the spoon in the dishwasher and the jars back in the cabinet and hesitated just long enough to see Kaidan pull his shirt over his head. _Move, stupid! Before he turns around and sees his CO ogling him with her tongue hanging out._ With what seemed like immeasurable willpower she withdrew her gaze and quickly walked back to her cabin.

* * *

They reached the Attican Beta cluster the following night and Shepard ordered Joker to put the Normandy on a slow flame.

"No need for us to get to Feros in the middle of the night," was her explanation.

The first thing Shepard and her shore party noticed as they disembarked the Normandy after reaching Zhu's Hope was a strange sweetish odor. Mixed with the high amount of dust in Feros' atmosphere it gave the air a heavy, difficult to breathe quality.

Kaidan wasn't sure if it was the heavy air or the ruins of the prothean megalopolis but something didn't feel right. He let his hand rest on his sidearm. Throwing a glance over at Wrex he realized that the krogan had pulled his shotgun. _Guess I'm not the only one with a bad feeling here_.

Shepard signaled them to wait as she walked up to a man standing at the end of the platform beside a crate. She talked to him for a short time.

"I don't like this," Kaidan muttered, his eyes darting to the tunnel past the platform. Wrex grunted in response.

Just as Shepard turned around signaling them to follow her the man's head exploded and Nick crashed onto the floor. _What the hell?_ There, at the end of the platform a geth trooper stepped into view. For a fleeting second Kaidan felt his heart stop as he took cover, fearing she had been hit as well. He drew a quick breath when she scrambled into cover staying low. That was the problem when he wasn't wearing his helmet. Better view but less info about the status of his squad mates due to the missing HUD. In cases like this he wasn't sure what he preferred.

Kaidan powered up his omni-tool. He pulled out a tech grenade and then waited shortly for his omni-tool to beep, indicating the tech attack was primed. He peered out of his cover, seeing three geth standing close together. With a quick movement he tossed the primed grenade right between them and advanced to the next cover. He aimed quickly and shot a geth square in its head with a grim smile.

Wrex had taken out another one with his shotgun while Shepard focused on a Geth Rocket Trooper to the rear with her sniper rifle. No sooner had Wrex noticed the fact that Kaidan's tech attack had sabotaged three geth he shot the first one of the group. The last geth was just coming round when Wrex unceremoniously shot it from close range.

They advanced toward the stairwell slowly. Shepard made the sign for them to halt as she peered carefully around a corner. Kaidan checked his omni-tool and signaled that he had readings of at least two hostiles. She nodded and headed carefully up the stairs, keeping her back against the wall. She froze. There, on the far side of the pillar, was a Geth Hopper. It had not noticed her yet and she slid slowly one step down again as its position was unfavorable. She had no possibilty of lining up a good shot without breaking cover.

"Lieutenant," she whispered to Kaidan over the comm system as she readied her rifle, "there is a Hopper behind this pillar. Can you either throw or lift it somewhere for me to get a shot at it?"

"Not without breaking cover, Commander."

She frowned. Then it didn't matter who advanced first. She continued up the stairway. Suddenly the Hopper moved, training in on her. Out of the corner of her eye she saw a swirl of blue and the Hopper flew through the air. Pulling up her sniper rifle, aiming and firing came automatically. The second Hopper shared its fate as Wrex Warped it just as Kaidan hit it with a Lift.

"Nice," Shepard commented before heading further up. As she rounded the pillar she saw another Hopper lurking over the entrance to the next hallway. She dropped to her knee, brought her rifle in position and fired. It jumped just before her shot hit and she cursed. Luckily both Kaidan and Wrex were ready though and took it down.

Before advancing she gave Kaidan a quizzical look as she had seen him glance at his omni-tool again.

"No more tangos. We're clear for now," he answered her unasked question.

"Perfect. Let's find this Fai Dan that supposedly wants to talk to us."

They reached the colony and slowed down as they took in its appearance. A downed Kowloon class freighter dominated large parts of the visible area. Oddly enough nobody seemed to be interested in getting the freighter flight-worthy again. Two men were arguing behind a makeshift barricade. Shepard frowned. For a colony under geth attack everyone else seemed oddly calm.

"Commander, do you also get the feeling something is... wrong here?" Kaidan asked in a low voice as he stepped close to her but keeping his eyes on the colonists. "And that strange sweetish smell is stronger here as well."

"Smell?" Wrex interrupted before Shepard could answer. "It's more than just a smell."

"Yes. To all questions. Stay frosty, people." Nick replied as she headed for a woman working on a water pipe.

"Excuse me, where can I find Fai Dan?" she asked as soon as she was close enough.

The woman cast a look over her shoulder and then pointed at the freighter. "Head through there. He should be on the other side." She turned back to her work, ignoring Shepard. Nick raised her eyebrows and then nodded toward the freighter.

They passed through the freighter and on the other side they saw a man and a woman standing off to their right.

"Fai Dan?" Shepard inquired as they approached.

The man in question turned to them with an expression of relief on his face, while the woman next to him defiantly crossed her arms and muttered something under her breath.

"Thank you for coming," Fai Dan began.

"Why are you thanking them? It's kinda late for help and then they show up here with _three_ people?" the woman scoffed. Nick grit her teeth. _Ungrateful bitch_.

"Arcelia!" the colony leader chided. Before they could speak much more a group of geth suddenly attacked. She dove behind a defense barrier. Again, she saw her lieutenant flare blue as he Threw the first two geth back forcefully and made a third stumble, shooting it with his pistol. _Sexy_. The thought shot through her head unbidden even as she lined up a shot and took out a geth sniper that had left cover. Wrex was advancing up the stairwell with his shotgun at the ready and Threw a Geth Hopper out of his way.

They pushed on, passing the corpse of a colonist laying at the top of the staircase. The geth hiding behind the doorway found themselves forcefully Thrown against a wall. Shepard hesitated shortly when the hallway divided. The passage to the right looked deserted and she could see another stairwell at its end. She continued down the left passage slowly.

"Tangos up ahead," Kaidan said. "Not too many. My 'tool shows four right now."

The passage widened into a larger room and Shepard instantly spotted the hostiles Kaidan had seen on his omni-tool. There weren't many and it didn't take long until the last geth dropped.

"Commander!" Kaidan's voice was quiet but urgent.

She stopped in her tracks just as she was going to leave cover and looked back over her shoulder. "Alenko?"

"Dropship!" No sooner had he uttered the word when she could hear the characteristic sound of the approaching dropship.

The dropship unloaded a mass of geth ground troops and recon drones. Nick swore under her breath. This was not going to be easy. She almost regretted not having taken her assault rifle along. Sometimes a sniper rifle was just too slow. Nevertheless she lined up a target and shot. As she huddled down again to reload she saw Kaidan ready a tech grenade. He quickly sighted a target and tossed the tech grenade just in front of two advancing Shock Troopers. He had primed it to explode in midair for maximum efficiency and the two geth soldiers stopped dead in their tracks only to be hit by a massive Warp.

Nick had sniped another geth but now several drones were closing in on them and she pulled her pistol instead. She was no fan of sidearms but now she needed something with a higher fire rate than her sniper rifle of even her shotgun. Wrex had exchanged his preferred shotgun for his assault rifle and Kaidan had already taken down one of the recon drones with his pistol. His marksmanship with pistols definitely surpassed hers.

Suddenly a she heard the sound of a sniper rifle and Wrex went down. Both Shepard and Kaidan dropped lower into cover and she pulled her own sniper rifle again.

"Bess," she said quietly to her rifle, "let's see what we find, shall we?" There, the geth sniper hadn't sought out the best cover. As soon as it was in her crosshairs she shot. By now Wrex was scrambling back to his feet. "Wrex? You okay?"

"Gotta love krogan redundant systems!"

She laughed. The laughter practically died on her lips though when she saw the next group of hostiles, though. Two Geth Destroyers accompanied by a Juggernaut. "That is just fucking _perfect_."

In the end it didn't prove to be as bad as she had feared. Her lieutenant had a knack for deploying his tech attacks in a most efficient way and combined with his own biotics as well as Wrex's and their firearms they had surprisingly little trouble.

"Alenko, I knew your tech skills were good but you just continue to impress me. Very well done, Lieutenant," she said to him as they headed for the far end of the room.

"Skill comes with practice, Commander. And I've been getting an ample amount of that," was his prosaic answer as they made their way back to Zhu's Hope.

"And by the looks of this place you'll be getting more."

"Yeah, I think we can safely agree on that."

Once they reached the colony Shepard talked to Fai Dan, trying to get more information about the colony's status. It appeared there were yet more geth and a number of more or less minor problems that needed taking care of. They found themselves talking to a number of people and Nick couldn't shake the feeling again that something strange was going on. Everyone of them evaded answering any questions concerning the colony and as much as they claimed to need help against the geth it didn't seem to be the main objective.

"Come on, let's see what else we can find out here," Shepard muttered to them. Then she radioed the Normandy. "Joker, there is something strange going on here. Stay sharp."

" _Aye-aye, ma'am._ "

To say the tunnels were geth infested was almost an understatement. They had gone down the stairwell at the end of the right hand passage and encountered several Geth Hoppers again. As they continued they came to a roadblock which forced them to take a left, only to find a number of geth ground troops and a water valve. Due to the amount of cover available taking out the geth was not that difficult. Shepard had to admit that this was a good-working team in close quarters and she almost felt like patting herself on the shoulder for her decision to take Kaidan and Wrex along.

They passed through a door to their left, entering a room with obviously rabid varren. The animals attacked them on sight. Again Nick congratulated herself on her choice of squad mates as the biotics proved valuable in keeping the varren at a distance. As soon as the last beast was down they explored the room, finding a wrecked M29 Grizzly with intact power cells.

"Huh, I think this took care of the varren meat problem and the power cells for the colony," Shepard stated as they left the room going back to the crossing. She turned left again leading them further into the tunnels. And to more geth. To her utmost surprise they ran into a colonist who was rambling rather nonsensical stuff.

All attempts to get reliable information proved to be vain. He just laughed almost maniacally, stating he is just invoking the master's whip.

"Which master?" Nick was confounded.

Newstead ignored a spasm of pain. "The geth are a thorn in the side of – aargh!"

"I think he's completely lost it, Commander," Kaidan said quietly. Shepard nodded and turned away from the pained man. She hated not being able to help him and she almost felt tempted to put him out of his misery. She threw a last look back before ordering her squad to move out. She glanced at her squad mates. Wrex looked impassive but Kaidan's features looked as troubled as she felt.

As they entered the tunnel leading back they came face to face with yet more geth.

"Didn't we just clean this place?" Wrex growled, shooting a Shock Trooper with his shotgun.

"Maybe they were late for the party," Kaidan deadpanned as he Sabotaged the Juggernaut and a Destroyer giving Shepard a good opportunity to take them out.

"Well, if I were in their stead I'd say the party sucked." Shepard said after the last geth went down. She nudged on with a boot and then shrugged. "Let's find this geth transmitter yet and then get back to the colony."

There was only one passageway they hadn't inspected yet. They crossed the bridge and walked through the door only to see two Geth Snipers. Before she even had her shotgun at the ready the snipers went sailing through the air. In turn she blew off a Shock Troopers head, while Kaidan took care of an Assault Drone that had suddenly spawned.

"Three more hostiles up ahead," he let them know after a quick sweep with his omni-tool.

"Three? That shouldn't be too bad." Nick rolled her shoulders and followed the passageway.

 _You and your big mouth_ , Shepard thought after peering around the corner and seeing three krogan. She carefully slipped away and faced her squad. "We have three krogan between us and the transmitter. I will try to snipe one. Then I'll fall back while you two keep them off of me with your biotics so I can line up another shot. Apart from that I'd say we swap our tungsten ammo for incendiary."

She turned to Kaidan. "You sure that pea-shooter of yours will suffice against those krogan?"

He _tsked_. "Commander, you'd be surprised what you can do with a pistol. You don't always need the biggest weapon to pack a punch. Size isn't everything."

She grinned at him. "Well then, Lieutenant. Let's rock."

The execution of her tactics worked smoothly. The three Krogan Warriors were taken by surprise as the first shot hit one of them square in the head. The other two charged but Wrex Threw one back while Kaidan Lifted the other, then he shot at the floating krogan until his pistol was nearly overheated. Wrex had charged the other krogan and Nick had finished off the first one with another head shot.

"Wrex, is it okay for you to kill other krogan?" she asked as she walked toward the transmitter and unceremoniously shot it.

"Why shouldn't it? Anyone who fights us is either stupid or on Saren's payroll. Killing the latter is business. Killing the former is a favor to the galaxy," the krogan answered with a shrug.

"Sounds good enough for me," Kaidan said.

"Yep. I'll take it," Nick agreed and they returned to the colony.


	14. The Thorian

After a short break back at Zhu's Hope they were on their way again. Shepard talked to Fai Dan again briefly, as well as the unfriendly rent-a-cop Arcelia. As they exited the garage in a Mako to head for the ExoGeni headquarters a Geth Dropship appeared and dropped two Geth Armatures in their path. Nick unceremoniously rammed the first one and it toppled over the edge of the skyway, while Wrex gunned the second one down with the cannon. The same fate awaited a number of smaller geth in their way.

Now, they were thundering along the skyway, stopping every now and again to take out pockets of geth hiding in storage rooms. After clearing one such storage room Shepard looked around, frowning. At first she thought the desolate appearance of the colony had something to do with the geth, but as they walked back to the Mako she realized the rubble was older.

"You know, if there was a competition for the 'Crappiest Colony in the Galaxy' this colony easily reaches the Top Ten. This place is a shambles." She gave some rubble a disgusted kick.

"Maybe it's due to the geth attack?" Kaidan ventured. Not that he believed it. There was moss covering some of the rubble, and Shepard had been on edge since reaching the colony. Granted, it wasn't a very welcoming place and it had a distinct air of ... _wrongness_ to it. He tried and failed to think of another word to describe it. Kaidan was just as aware as she was that something was horribly off here, but he wanted to cheer her up.

Nick snorted and shot a look at him. "Alenko, don't insult my mental capability. Or yours."

He blushed. "Sorry, Commander."

Her gaze softened, as did her tone. "I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but this place," she swung her arm in a wide motion, "is so obviously neglected it is sickening. Why anyone would want to live here is beyond me. I'd rather live on the dingiest freighter."

"Says the spacer."

"Shut up, Alenko." Nick grinned at him as they mounted the Mako again. It was nice to see her grin. _Maybe she was a little bit cheered up._

Wrex shook his head behind their backs. Sometimes he just didn't understand humans. They certainly didn't rely on all their senses, otherwise everyone should have noticed by now that the air smelled of sex as soon as Shepard and Alenko were in the same room. Not that it really mattered as long as they kept their heads in the game.

As they drove on they caught fragments of a radio transmission, heavily scrambled by interference.

" _...might still be alive!_ "

Try as he might, Kaidan couldn't get a clean fix on it. "Sorry, Commander, I can't pin down the source. My guess is we're heading for it, though."

"Well, then I suppose we'll find out if we go on." Shepard put the Mako in gear and stepped on the gas.

They encountered a number of geth as they continued down the skyway; usually Geth Troopers accompanying a Geth Armature, and the occasional Rocket Trooper. The skyway was in such bad shape that large slabs were strewn across their path, making it difficult to navigate the Mako smoothly, but on the other hand this also offered ample cover while dealing with the geth. As they passed through a gate they heard another transmission.

" _...hear a vehicle...doesn't sound like geth._ "

Shepard slowed down for a moment, she could see one ramp leading down, and another ramp leading up. She decided to go to the higher level. No sooner had they gone up the ramp when a third transmission could be heard.

" _They passed right by us. Thank God._ "

Nick slammed on the brakes and put the Mako in reverse. They were going to talk to these people, no matter where they were. She drove the Mako back to the lower level, parked on the lower ramp, and they disembarked. As they walked down the ramp they saw makeshift barricades and a group of refugees. Two of them, a man and a woman, were obviously arguing about something.

"I told you they weren't geth!" the woman exclaimed. The man scoffed. Shepard ignored him and walked straight to the woman who introduced herself as Juliana Baynham, and the sour-faced man next to her as Ethan Jeong. Juliana Baynham proved to be a rather good source for information. After speaking to her for a few minutes Shepard inquired after the broken transmission they had overheard.

"Is somebody here missing? We caught snippets about somebody possibly still being alive on the radio," she asked.

Juliana Baynham nodded. "Yes, my daughter, Lizbeth. She was working at ExoGeni headquarters at the time of the attack. Would you look for her when you're there?"

"The place is overrun, she's probably dead by now," Jeong said in an unfeeling voice.

Shepard ignored him. "We'll look, and if she is alive we'll find her," she said simply.

Kaidan wished he had as much confidence as he heard in Shepard's voice. He was afraid that Jeong was more than likely right, even if that meant agreeing with the highly unsympathetic man. But, as Shepard had said, they would look.

Shepard turned to go when Jeong spoke again. "Just remember you are only there for the geth, not..."

Nick stopped dead in her tracks and turned around. She walked slowly towards Jeong, reminding Kaidan of a wolf on the prowl. Jeong suddenly looked apprehensive.

"I'm not interested in your company secrets, Jeong," she snarled. "So why don't you just shut the fuck up and let me do my job?"

Shepard turned away from him and walked to another man waving at her. He turned out to be a freelance scientist by name of Gavin Hossle working for ExoGeni and he wanted help recovering his data from the ExoGeni headquarters.

After stating that it was way too dangerous for anybody to go there, but that they shouldn't have any trouble, Kaidan couldn't resist a remark, "Well that's comforting. Certain death for some, fine for us," he deadpanned.

The corners of Shepard's mouth twitched.

They returned to the Mako and continued on their way towards the ExoGeni headquarters, fighting more geth on their way. Finally they came to a section that was not accessible by Mako, and they were forced to continue on foot.

"I sure hope we're not too far from ExoGeni HQ," Shepard said as they disembarked the Mako and engaged with a number of geth.

Once the geth were disposed of they looked around. The surroundings looked as though they had seen better times. Nick threw an annoyed look at the geth remains, and headed for a locked door at the end of the room where she waited for Kaidan to override the lock. The door opened to reveal a deactivated armature. Shepard peeked into the room and shook her head.

"Doesn't look like we'll get anywhere going this way."

When the barrier at the other end of the room proved impervious Kaidan sensed Shepard's frustration even before she turned around. The set of her shoulders gave away the tension, and it seemed to roll off of her in waves. Wordlessly she turned around and led them to a gap dropping several feet into another passageway.

They entered a large cavern as a single shot rang out, and Shepard's kinetic shields crackled. She looked down and back up to see a woman holding a pistol advancing slowly on their position.

"I am so sorry! I feared you were geth or more varren. I didn't hurt you, did I?" the woman began nervously.

Nick didn't answer the question. Instead she asked some questions of her own and was mildly surprised when the woman introduced herself as Lizbeth Baynham. She had stayed behind to back up data and then found herself trapped by the energy field. Lizbeth also told them about a special plant ExoGeni was studying on Feros, the Thorian, and that the geth were responsible for the impenetrable barriers blocking their path. She was fairly certain that the geth were there because of the Thorian. There was a certain amount of relief palpable when Liz Baynham offered Shepard her ID card granting them access to restricted areas.

They just turned to go when a pack of varren attacked. The usual combination of biotics and arms kept the varren in check, and they took their leave from Liz Baynham. They crossed through the cavernous room and used the newly acquired ID card to pass through a door leading to a stairwell.

As they climbed the stairs they heard a clearly exasperated voice. "Stupid machine!"

They ascended the last flight of stairs and found themselves face to face with an angry krogan. He charged at Shepard but didn't get very far as Kaidan Lifted him and Wrex and Shepard shot the floating krogan repeatedly with their shotguns.

"Nice biotics, Alenko," Wrex rumbled.

"Uh, thanks," Kaidan answered, keeping his eyes on Shepard who had now accessed the VI the krogan had been talking to. He walked slowly closer when he saw Shepard curl her fingers into a fist. As he came closer he heard the VI speaking.

"Species 37 is located within the substructure of the Zhu's Hope outpost. The Thorian is a simple plant life-form that exhibits a sentient behavior uncommon with other flora. Through dispersion and eventual inhalation of spores it can infect and control other organisms, including humans. The Zhu's Hope control group has yielded interesting results. Before sensors were offline almost 85% of all test subjects were infected."

Shepard let out a huff. "You bastards. You knew the colonists were getting infected?" She sounded as angry as he felt. He wondered if the colonists of the outpost had been in any way informed about their situation. Probably not.

"It was deemed necessary to assess the true potential of Species 37," the VI answered.

"Of course it was," Shepard muttered. Then she continued asking as many questions as she could think of concerning the Thorian. How big it was, how it controlled people, its intelligence, exact location. She tried radioing the Normandy to warn them about the mind-controlled colonists but the energy field blocked any communication. It was apparent they had to get rid of the force field first.

They moved out and came to a room with two Geth Shock Troopers which they quickly took out. The massive claws of the geth ship were hooked into the building, and it seemed to be using it as an anchor. Somehow they had to release these claws, but how could they cut the power?

They moved on. After cleansing another room of several more geth, they headed up a flight of stairs and encountered three more Krogan. Again, with Kaidan and Wrex's biotics, and Shepard and Wrex's shotguns, they didn't have much trouble defeating them. Kaidan Threw them back forcefully while Wrex Warped them and they used their weapons to finish them off.

Shepard investigated the little hallway with its consoles, one of which belonged to Hossle. _Sometimes you get lucky_ , Kaidan thought as they headed back down through the hallway and down the stairs. They passed through the room where they had fought the geth earlier, and came to another stairwell. The way down was blocked, so up was their only option.

A large cavernous room opened in front of them, filled with a number of geth. Once they were disposed of with a combination of Kaidan's tech attacks and the others shooting, Shepard motioned for Kaidan to override a console. It revealed information about an infected colony on Nodacrux. Shepard pulled the info onto her omni-tool and they continued up onto a walkway. They came to another claw and Shepard looked over her shoulder at Kaidan.

He shook his head. "Same as before, Commander. We don't have the ordnance to blow this claw. We have to keep on looking."

On the other side of the walkway another formidable number of geth awaited them. After fighting their way through Shepard again signaled for Kaidan to decrypt the consoles, and again she uploaded the information onto her omni-tool.

Kaidan looked around. "Interesting. This looks like some kind of containment lab."

"Whatever you say, Alenko," Wrex rumbled.

Shepard grinned at the krogan. She looked back at Kaidan, who had his omni-tool out again and she laughed as she watched him for a moment.

 _Yep, tech nerd_.

Kaidan gave her a bewildered look. "Commander?"

"Nothing, Lieutenant. Carry on."

"I guess that console there controls the shuttle bay doors. Maybe we can use it to dislodge one of the claws?" Kaidan ventured, still slightly puzzled by Shepard's laughter.

"You might be right." She smiled at him as she walked past and his heart fluttered. Shepard noticed a repair note pinned to the console stating if the pressure was within a range of thirty-one to thirty-four the doors slammed down with enough force to shear through a metal beam. "Yes, I think you _are_ right."

She walked to the valves and selected the valves necessary for the pressure to be within the critical range, then she activated the shuttle bay doors. There was a satisfying crash as the shuttle bay doors slammed down and severed one of the claws, and geth ship fell.

Wrex laughed. "This is my kind of mission. Kill a bunch of geth and end everything with a big bang!"

"Glad you enjoyed yourself, Wrex." Shepard grinned.

The energy barrier had dispersed now that it no longer had a power source, and they heard Joker frantically hailing them over the comm:

" _I repeat, Normandy to shore party. Are you reading? Anyone there? Normandy to shore party. Come on, Commander, talk to me!_ "

Joker informed them that the colonists had turned hostile. Shepard told him not to panic, the colonists couldn't do any real damage.

"We're on our way back. Just sit tight."

" _Uh, aye-aye, Commander._ " Joker did not sound reassured.

Shepard turned to her shore party. "Let's get back to Zhu's Hope and find the Thorian."

They met Lizbeth Baynham on their way back to the Mako and Shepard confronted her with the knowledge they had gained through the ExoGeni VI. Nick listened to Lizbeth's explanation quietly and even let her accompany them back in the Mako as she claimed she wanted to help undo the mess.

Joker comm'ed them again, informing them about increased geth communications.

Shepard sighed. "Looks like we might as well get rid of these synthetic bastards on our way as well."

The geth arrived in force. Nick swore in the most colorful language Kaidan had heard from her so far as they found two Geth Armatures and two Juggernauts in their path. She wove back and forth, dodging energy blasts and rockets, as Wrex tried to get a good fix on the geth. As soon as the first Armature was down she careened into the second one, conveniently running over one of the Juggernauts on the way.

They continued across the skyway and as they drew near the weigh station they heard fragments of radio chatter. No sooner had Lizbeth heard her mother then she demanded they stop the Mako. They had barely stopped when she jumped out. She would have run off but Kaidan put a hand on her shoulder. Lizbeth turned to him with a puzzled expression. He released his hold as soon as she stood still, but she continued to look at him.

"Not so hasty," Shepard said, nodding at Kaidan acknowledging his quick reaction and drawing Lizbeth's attention to her. _And away from Kaidan_. "We don't know the situation, so we don't just rush down there. Try to stay in cover."

Lizbeth diverted her eyes from Kaidan to Nick and nodded. "Of course. I hadn't considered."

A short while later Kaidan couldn't believe what he was witnessing. Shepard was actually convincing Jeong that purging the colony as ExoGeni wished would be a waste. He _wasn't_ surprised that she was against purging a colony, oh no, he _was_ surprised that she didn't just knock Jeong out. Or shoot him. Kaidan was certain she found the man just as revolting as he did, and Shepard had little patience with people she didn't like. Instead, she played the charm card and in the end Jeong agreed with her.

_Who wouldn't?_

Kaidan returned his attention to the on-going conversation between Shepard and Juliana Baynham. The ExoGeni scientist recommended using a nerve agent to neutralize the colonists.

"Like a gas grenade!" Lizbeth suggested in an excited tone.

Shepard pursed her mouth. "Releasing clouds of nerve gas doesn't seem like a particularly good idea. We would get caught in it as well."

Juliana Baynham waved her concern aside. "It's not like it's weapons-grade. The insecticide we use in the labs contains trace amounts of Tetraclopine, a neuromuscular degenerator. If their nervous systems are already weakened, it may act as a paralyzing agent."

"We could use concussion grenades for distribution, Commander." Kaidan let her know.

Shepard dipped her head in acknowledgement. "Okay, sounds good. We'll give it a try. Lieutenant, Wrex, equip all our grenades with the nerve agent," she ordered, then walked over to Gavin Hossle to give him the OSD with his data.

They left, but before they got very far in the Mako they came across more geth. Kaidan found himself grinning as Shepard ran over a Juggernaut in order to plow the Mako into yet another Geth Armature. It appeared to be a rather safe and effective tactic.

_Or maybe Shepard enjoyed running the Mako into things._

"No time for play," Shepard muttered as the last Geth Armature collapsed.

As they drew close to the garage of the Zhu's Hope outpost, Shepard slowed the Mako and then stopped. The garage doors appeared to be locked. They exited the Mako only to find themselves face to face with a zombie-like creature. Kaidan Threw the creature back as it advanced on them, and Shepard and Wrex pulled their shotguns. Their shots hit true and the creature exploded. Nick jumped back in disgust to avoid being hit by the chunks flying towards her. The stench that assailed their senses was nauseating; a sickening combination of vomit and the sweetish fetidness of decay.

"What is that?" Kaidan asked. "It's not human."

"I have no idea." Nick wrinkled her nose. "Usually in a case like this I would say wipe everything out, but I said I would try to save the colonists. And that's what we'll do. Don't shoot the colonists, even if the Thorian makes them shoot at us. We either take them out with the gas grenades or knock them out in close combat. These ... _creepy Thorian thingies_ we blast to hell and back, though." She started to order them to grab their breather helmets when she remembered this Mako was not the Normandy's Mako, and that there weren't any helmets to grab.

 _Shit_.

Kaidan and Wrex nodded in affirmation, and Shepard went to the door's console. As soon as the door opened they saw about a dozen Thorian Creepers in the garage, and a couple of colonists behind some barricades. It wasn't often that Shepard missed her assault rifle but now she wished she had taken it along. Her HMWSG was definitely the best on the market at the time, but suddenly she wished she had more than six shots before it overheated.

These thought flashed through her head as she shot the first Creeper; once, twice, and with the third shot it collapsed. She backed up as another Creeper closed in on her from two o'clock, and fired a shot at it with every step she took. Nick cursed as she waited for her shotgun to cool down. She quickly swapped her Tungsten rounds with Shredder rounds. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a flash of red, and two more Thorian Creepers collapsed. Kaidan aimed his pistol and shot both repeatedly.

Finally, her shotgun had cooled enough, and she focused on the next Creeper which Wrex Warped; it's health was low, and it dropped after one shot.

_Six down._

The remaining Creepers were caught in an onslaught of biotics, shotgun fire, and Kaidan's tech attacks. Once the last one fell they made their way towards the barricades. In order to save grenades Shepard engaged in close combat, slamming the butt of her shotgun in the first colonist's face, as did Wrex.

Kaidan paralyzed the last two with a well-placed Neural Shock.

Before accessing the elevator, Shepard turned to Kaidan. "I've meant to ask before, but this ... tech attack where the target glows red, what is that? I don't think I've ever seen anyone use it before."

"It's a Neural Shock. It paralyzes the target, and if you are well-versed it also induces toxic damage. Some sentinels and engineers like to use it," he answered, sounding a little surprised.

"Some, you say. Well, you're the first I've ever seen using it. But by all means, use it more often! It sure as hell seems effective! In combination with your biotics it seems almost perfect for finishing off these things." There was a light shining in her eyes as she looked at him, and Kaidan felt pride – and something else – spread through him at the thought that Shepard found him that capable.

They knocked out a number of colonists and dispatched even more Thorian Creepers by the time they reached the heart of the outpost. Kaidan and Wrex both Threw back the advancing Creepers at the same time while Shepard tossed a grenade to take down several colonists. It was a rather lucky throw. She stormed forward, slamming her rifle butt in another colonist's face as she rounded a corner.

They went into cover to catch their breath before advancing on the three Creepers lurking on the walkway, and two hostile colonists hiding behind barricades. Shepard considered tossing another grenade, but decided against it.

She looked at Wrex and Kaidan. "Ready? Lieutenant, can you place a Neural Shock smack-dab in the middle of those Creepers as soon as they ... _wake up_?"

Kaidan risked a quick glance at the Creepers; they were positioned rather closely. He nodded.

Shepard turned to Wrex. "Wrex, as soon as Alenko lets loose his tech magic, you and I will sprint to those barricades and knock out the colonists." She took a deep breath and pulled a face at the smell of decay. "On the count of three. One. Two. Three!"

They left cover, and the Creepers instantly began to rise. Kaidan threw the primed tech-grenade with skill, letting it explode in mid-air between the Creepers, dropping them before they had advanced as much as two steps. No sooner had the Creepers fallen when Shepard and Wrex sprinted toward the barricades at the other end of the walkway and knocked out the colonists.

Again, they paused as Shepard gave them a quick run-down on the tactics she wanted to use. There were at least half a dozen Creepers left, and behind them, almost in a half-circle, were barricades behind which the colonists had taken cover.

"Alright. Those Creepers are too far apart for Alenko's Neural Shock. Here's what we'll do: I'll run as fast as I can past the Creepers, straight for the barricade at two o'clock, and deal with the colonists. Then I'll work my way around counter-clockwise. Meanwhile. I want you two to attend to the Creepers. As soon as you get rid of them, you join me knocking out the colonists - if I haven't managed to do that yet, that is."

Kaidan and Wrex confirmed they understood the plan.

It worked almost perfectly; at least Nick's part did. Kaidan and Wrex found themselves facing considerably more Creepers than the six they had seen from the end of the walkway. Nick joined them to finish off the last Creepers, then activated the freighter crane controls. The crane lifted a segment of the freighter, revealing a stairwell leading to a sub-level of Zhu's Hope.

They headed for the stairwell but hesitated as they heard someone approach; Fai Dan walked towards them, obviously in pain.

"I tried to fight it, but it gets in your head. You can't imagine the pain," he forced out through clenched teeth. "I was supposed to be a leader. These people trusted me." He pulled a pistol, pointing it at Shepard. They all raised their weapons, but did not fire. "It wants me to stop you … but I ... I won't." With considerable effort he held the pistol to his own temple. "I _won't_!"

They watched helplessly as he pulled the trigger.

Shepard grimaced, then she turned back to the stairwell. "Let's go."

They went down several flights of stairs until they came to a passageway. As they walked through the passage Kaidan whispered, "Okay, by the numbers. We just have to find... to find ... What ... is ... _that_?" His voice trailed off as they entered a large cavern.

In the middle was a pulsing, throbbing mass with large, succulent tendrils protruding from its ... _body_.

They gaped at it in awe for a few seconds and then Shepard slowly started moving forward again, her eyes trained on the Thorian. "Well, _fuck_ -a-doodle-do. That doesn't look like any plant I've ever seen. This may be ... problematic."

"Maybe we should've brought heavy weapons?" Kaidan suggested.

Nick snorted. "Nothing is ever easy, Alenko."

As they drew closer the throbbing and pulsing increased into rhythmic spasms. Considering this was supposed to be a plant, it had a strange-looking body orifice and out of this orifice dropped a humanoid body in a spray of ... amniotic fluid? Kaidan blinked. It was an asari body, to be precise; a _green_ asari body.

The asari clone – that was the best description in Kaidan's opinion – began speaking, her unblinking gaze fixed on Shepard. He stirred uncomfortably.

"Invaders! Your every step is a transgression! A thousand feelers appraise you as meat, good only to dig or decompose. I speak for the Old Growth, as I did for Saren. You are within and before the Thorian. It commands that you be in awe."

"You gave something to Saren. I need that." Shepard held her head high. She was not someone to back down.

"Saren sought knowledge of those who are gone. The Old Growth listened to flesh for the first time in the long cycle. Trades were made." The clone continued, "Then cold ones began killing the flesh that would tend the next cycle. Flesh fairly given! The Old Growth sees the air you push as lies! It will listen no more!"

"I won't let you keep your thralls. Let the colonists go. Now!" Nick took a step closer, determination shining in her eyes.

The clone's eyes widened. "No more will the Thorian listen to those that scurry. Your lives are short, but have gone on too long. Your blood will feed the ground and the Old Growth!"

The asari clone flared, but so did Kaidan and Wrex. Their combined Throw sent the clone over the precipice. Suddenly the creepers that had been resting awoke and attacked, and a door opened, through which more creepers came. Kaidan noticed some tendrils of the Thorian appeared to be nodes of sort and he called out to Shepard, telling her of his observation. Nick pulled her sniper rifle in a quick, fluid movement and dropped on one knee. She let Kaidan and Wrex deal with the creepers while she zeroed in on the node. After two shots the node was still intact. Nick waited for Bessy to cool down and shot a third time. The node exploded and a cry of anguish escaped from the Thorian.

Wrex laughed. "It sure felt that! We shoot a few more of those things and down it goes!"

They made their way up a flight of stairs and carefully passed two resting creepers. The creepers awoke as soon as they had passed. Wrex Warped both and shot them with his shotgun. Meanwhile more creepers advanced from the front, including another clone. Kaidan let loose a Neural Shock and Threw the advancing creepers back, then he fired his pistol rapidly at the asari clone.

"Wrex!" Shepard called out to the krogan. "Assault rifle!"

 _She_ may not have a weapon with a high fire-rate, but _Wrex_ did. Yes, she had her pistol, but she wanted at least one weapon in use with an even higher rate of fire!

They came to another passageway leading up, and found another node guarded by a large number of creepers. As soon as they drew near the creepers woke. Again, Kaidan Threw them back. Wrex used another Warp and fired his assault rifle at them while Shepard shot a number with her shotgun. Then she shot the node. It exploded in a spray of chunky bits which flew through the air. They passed the remains of the node as another screech rose into the air.

They approached another gateway and more creepers started pouring towards them. Nick threw a grenade in their midst and they stumbled. Another grenade. The last creepers dropped.

After fighting off this wave of creepers and the asari clone, they passed through the gateway. They found themselves on a gallery surrounding the Thorian, and Nick spied another node at eleven o'clock. Again, she pulled her sniper rifle and dropped on one knee. As soon as she fired the first shot the creepers guarding the node awoke. A second shot, a third – and the node exploded. And with it, most of the creepers.

They continued to climb higher, fighting off yet another wave of creepers and destroying another node. Kaidan felt his amp burning as he Lifted a group of creepers. The splattered corpses of the creepers covered the ground, making it slippery. The stench of the creepers, as well as a carrion-like odor that wafted through the air every time a node exploded, assaulted his senses. He wondered briefly how Wrex was faring; the krogan had a much more sensitive sense of smell.

After a seemingly endless number of creepers they arrived at another stairwell. The assaulting creepers here seemed to be more resilient than before, and it was a hard work getting up the stairway. _Perhaps they were drawing close to their quarry?_

They moved forward, over the gallery, and saw another node. Shepard instantly shot at it, ignoring the advancing creepers. Kaidan and Wrex did their best to keep the creepers at bay with everything in their power, focusing on the asari clone first. But this time there were too many.

One of the creepers grabbed a hold of Nick just as she went to fire the final shot to destroy the node, and spewed a vomit-like substance at her. She punched it with a strangled cry, trying to back away from it. Suddenly it exploded, covering her in a spray of goo. Panting heavily she turned and saw Kaidan lowering his pistol.

"Sorry, Commander. This seemed the safest option, but I'm sorry about the mess," he said quietly.

She gave him a weary smile and wiped her face. "It's fine. You did the right thing."

With that she turned away again and fired at the node. As soon as the node was destroyed the Thorian screeched again and they noticed its weight pulling at the remaining tendrils. One by one they ruptured and finally the main body of the Thorian fell into the abyss.


	15. The Cipher

They watched silently as the Thorian fell, and then cast their eyes on a pod at the far end of the room which burst open, revealing another asari clone. No, no clone. She wasn't green, her skin had a purplish tint, something more natural for an asari. This was apparently the asari the Thorian had made clones of. Kaidan wasn't sure he wanted to know how.

"I'm free!" the asari exclaimed. "I ... I suppose I should thank you for releasing me."

Shepard inquired if she was alright, and the asari stated she would be, in time. She then introduced herself as Shiala, a follower of Matriarch Benezia. Kaidan and Wrex glanced at each other in in surprise, but Shepard obviously planned to hear the asari out. Shiala explained that Benezia wanted to guide Saren down a gentler path, foreseeing his influence.

"But Saren is compelling. Benezia lost her path," Shiala continued.

"Are you saying Saren can control minds? Asari Matriarchs are among the most intelligent and powerful beings in the galaxy. How could one fall under Saren's control?" Nick was skeptical.

Shiala told them about Saren's vessel, an enormous warship he called Sovereign. It was this ship that dominated his followers, indoctrinating them to Saren's will. In Kaidan's ears it sounded outlandish and hard to believe. Then again, if someone had told him about a mind-controlling plant he wouldn't have believed it either, and he had just witnessed exactly that.

 _Maybe the asari was telling the truth_.

"The process is subtle. It can take days, weeks. But in the end, it is absolute," Shiala explained. She went on, telling them how Saren had used her to gain the Thorian's secret and then abandoned her. Finally she said, "He attacked the Thorian so you could not gain the Cipher, and thus find the Conduit."

"What is the Cipher?" Shepard asked.

"The beacon on Eden Prime gave you a vision, but it was made for a prothean mind. To comprehend it you must understand their culture, their history, their very existance. The Thorian was here before the protheans, it watched them, studied them. And when they died, it consumed them. They became a part of it."

"So, the Cipher is knowledge of the protheans? It taught Saren to think like a prothean? How?" Shepard cocked her head to the side, looking intrigued.

Shiala clarified that the Cipher could not be explained, could not be taught. It was what she called an 'ancestral memory', a memory she had sensed while melded with the Thorian. And the only way she knew of to give Shepard the Cipher was in turn to meld with her, as she had with Saren.

Shepard looked uncertain for a second. Then she nodded briefly.

"Try to relax, Commander," Shiala said as she slowly walked towards Nick. "Slow, deep breaths. Let go of your physical shell. Reach out to grasp the threads that bind us, one to another. Every action sends ripples across the galaxy. Every idea must touch another mind to live. Every emotion must mark another spirit. We are all connected. Every living being united in a single, glorious existence. Open yourself to the universe, Commander." Standing right in front of her she closed her eyes and when she opened them they were black depths. "Embrace eternity!"

Shepard went rigid. The color drained from her face and beads of perspiration showed on her forehead. Kaidan shifted his stance uncomfortably and watched the connection with a worried expression. After what he was sure had been the longest thirty seconds of his life Shiala stepped away from the commander. Shepard swayed where she stood, looking slightly pinched.

"I have given you the Cipher, just as I did Saren," Shiala let her know.

"Commander, are you alright?" Kaidan asked, stepping closer, concern pitching his voice slightly higher, almost making it crack. He stretched out a hand to steady her, clasping her elbow firmly. If she fell, he would catch her.

_Always._

Nick turned his head to look at him and he could see a far-off pain in her eyes. He felt anger rising in him that she had to suffer. _First that damn beacon and now this Cipher_ , he thought. She tried to smile, but her voice was shaky as she answered. "I'm fine, I think. I saw ... something. It still didn't make any sense."

Kaidan slowly let go of her elbow. He didn't step away from her, though. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Wrex smirking.

"You have been given a great gift: the experience of an entire people," Shiala remarked and Shepard tore her gaze away from the lieutenant to look at the asari. "It will take time for your mind to process this information. I am sorry if you have suffered, but there was no other way. You needed the Cipher. In time it will help you understand the vision from the beacon."

Shepard nodded wearily, rubbing her temples gingerly.

Kaidan ran his eyes over her face, the corners of his mouth tugging downward in a slight frown. "You look pretty rough, Commander. We should get you back to the ship soon."

"You're probably right. But first I have some questions for Shiala," Shepard replied.

He nodded slowly. Kaidan knew she was right, but the medic in him - _right, Alenko, keep telling yourself that_ – wanted to get her checked by a physician as soon as possible.

Shepard spent some time asking Shiala a few personal questions as well as about the Thorian, Saren and his ship, Sovereign, and Matriarch Benezia. Shiala emphasized again that Matriarch Benezia had underestimated Saren, which lead to her indoctrination, and warned them not to do the same. As for the vessel, Sovereign, she told them its design matched no vessel of known spacefaring species. It was much larger than any ship in the Citadel or Alliance fleet with devastating weapons and nigh impenetrable defenses.

Shepard then focused on finding out more about the mind-controlling abilities of Sovereign that Shiala mentioned earlier. The asari described it as an energy that made Saren's arguments more compelling. Given time, she said, everyone would succumb, losing themselves in Sovereign, regardless whether they were strong-willed or not. Furthermore, the indoctrination was irrevocable.

"Okay. Thank you," Shepard stated. After a short pause she asked, "Now that you are free of the Thorian, what are you planning to do?"

Shiala admitted she wanted to stay with the colonists, stating they had suffered greatly and she wanted to make amends for her role in that. Shepard considered this for a moment, her gaze fixed on the asari before her. Shiala returned her gaze openly.

"That sounds like a good idea," Shepard said with a small smile, "The colony will need all the help it can get. I'm sure they'll be happy to have you on their side."

The asari dipped her head slightly. "Thank you, Commander. May fortune smile upon you."

* * *

After a short stop in Zhu's Hope, they returned to the Normandy. Going through decon took longer than usual, or maybe it was just Kaidan's imagination. He had no trouble believing it, though. Cleaning their gear would take forever today. And he wasn't sure if the regular Navy shower would suffice to make them feel clean. Not after this horrid combination of Creeper muck and vomit, all congealed by the dust in Feros' atmosphere, and sticking to their armor, their hair, everything. _Not to mention the smell._

As they passed the cockpit Joker called out to them.

"Commander, next time the Normandy touches down can we try not to park her in a colony of mutant zombies? Just sayin'."

Nick just shook her head wordlessly, but Kaidan shot an angry glare at the pilot. Joker lifted his hands in a conciliatory manner.

They walked down to the elevator in silence, feeling rather self-conscious about the reek that emanated from them. As they stepped into it Nick rolled her head and shoulders. She lowered her head a bit and sniffed at her armor.

"You know," she began conversationally, "I think we have earned us a Hollywood shower after this mess. Lieutenant, remind me to note this during the debrief for the record."

"Aye-aye, Commander." He didn't even try hiding his relief. A Hollywood shower sounded perfect. It was seldom that you got the opportunity of letting the water run as long as you wanted while showering on a warship. Usually you just had time to wet down, turn off the water, lather and rinse.

"Holy hell!" Ashley exclaimed as they walked over to the lockers and started peeling out of their armor. "What in the world is that stink?"

"Thorian Creeper insides." Shepard answered as she unbuckled a shoulder guard. "And vomit." She dropped the shoulder guard on the floor and started on the next one. "And who knows what else."

"Geez, I don't think I've ever been so happy not to have been part of the shore party." Ashley shook herself, wrinkling her nose at the stench.

"Oh, we had the time of our lives." Kaidan said with a solemnly, watching Shepard's expression carefully as she sat down on the bench. He was rewarded with a small shake of her head and an equally small laugh.

Once she took off her armor Shepard quickly put on her fatigues. Then she grabbed some rags and armor polish, sat down, and began scrubbing one of her thigh guards. Kaidan sighed. Of course they had to clean their armor, no matter how exhausted they might feel. Or how in dire need of that shower they might be.

He sat down next to her, took a rag from the pile she had put on the bench next to her, and picked up his chestplate. He looked over to her, waiting for the bottle of polish. She still looked almost white, but slowly the pale rosy tint was returning to her cheeks.

_Beautiful._

She raised her head and their eyes locked. _I don't think I have ever seen such warm eyes_. With a start she realized she had put the polish out of his reach, and, smiling, she handed him the polish, trying to ignore the tingling sensation as his fingers brushed lightly over hers as he took it.

"Thanks, Commander," Kaidan said, his voice a bit raspier than normal.

"You're welcome, Alenko. Didn't mean to hog the polish." She smiled again, grateful her voice sounded steady. They continued cleaning their armors in silence, working swiftly and efficiently, ignoring the sniggers from Ashley, Garrus and Wrex. As he worked Kaidan felt a growing pressure in his skull and a slow throbbing. _Not again_. He stifled a groan and refrained from massaging his temples.

Thankfully they didn't have to clean their weapons yet as well. Ashley had gathered the weapons, carried them over to the weapons bench and immediately began dismantling them. He owed Ash at least a beer the next time they were on the Citadel, maybe even two.

Once the last piece of armor was clean Shepard opened the comm and ordered a mission debrief in fifteen minutes, giving them time to wash off at least some of the grime.

As soon as they were assembled Shepard gave a quick rundown on the events on Feros. A wave of dizziness washed over and she swayed lightly in her seat.

"Commander? You look ... pale," Liara noted. "Are you suffering any ill effects from the Cipher?"

Shepard did not answer right away. She held her head in her hands for a moment before straightening up again. All eyes were on her and she sighed.

"The Cipher shook me up a bit," she admitted.

"I might be able to help you. I am an expert on Protheans. If I join my consciousness to yours maybe we can make some sense of it." There was an eager undertone in Liara's voice, causing Kaidan to narrow his eyes in suspicion. He leaned forward a fraction, flicking his eyes back and forth between Shepard and Liara, watching every interaction.

He saw Shepard's eyes widen and she shook her head. "Forget it! I feel like my brain's been turned into a scrambled egg. Once is enough."

"I understand that," Liara said soothingly. "But consider that we need to make sense of the Cipher and I am the prothean expert."

Nick hesitated for a moment as she considered the options. She sighed and nodded. "You are right. Okay, let's get this over with."

She pushed herself up and strode into the middle of the room. Liara also rose and met Shepard there.

"Relax, Commander. Embrace eternity!" Liara's blue eyes went just as black as Shiala's had. All Kaidan could do was watch again as the little color that had slowly returned to Shepard's features drained from them completely again. She was as white as a sheet. After perhaps half a minute Liara stepped away and drew a deep breath.

"That was incredible! All this time. All my research. Yet I never dreamed ... I am sorry. The images were so vivid. I never imagined the experience would be so ... intense," the young asari rambled. She looked at Shepard with admiration. "You are remarkably strong-willed, Commander. What you've been through, what you've seen would have destroyed a lesser mind."

"Did you see anything?" Kaidan interrupted. For those who knew him this was a sure sign of a perturbed mind. He hardly ever interrupted people. One reason was certainly that he had been brought up to be polite and wait his turn, and the other was that he liked to have as much time as possible to think things over. The undercurrents of constant throbbing in his head also did nothing to soothe his irritation.

Shepard glanced over to him, sensing that he was upset about something. His whole posture was tense, his jaw clenched, but he avoided her gaze and kept looking at Liara.

"The beacon on Eden Prime must have been badly damaged. Large parts of the message are missing. The data transferred into the Commander's mind is incomplete," the asari answered.

Shepard frowned. "So there was nothing useful? No hint or clue of some kind? Something we might have missed?"

Liara shook her head. "No, everything I saw you already know. You were right about the Reapers, they were responsible for the extinction of the protheans. I think it is obvious that there is some kind of connection between the Reapers, the prothean extinction and the Conduit. But I didn't see anything that would help us find it."

"So it was all for nothing," Shepard muttered frustrated.

"Not at all," Liara objected. "I was able to interpret the data relayed through your vision. What was there, at least. But something was missing. Saren must have the missing information. Perhaps he found another beacon. If we can find this missing data I can ... whoa." She lifted a hand to her head and stretched the other out to balance herself as she swayed. "I am sorry. The joining is ... exhausting. I should go to the med bay and lie down for a moment."

"Huh. I don't feel tired," Shepard remarked. "A little dizzy, yes. But not tired."

"Yours was a passive role, Commander. It is extremely exhausting to meld with a mind as strong-willed as yours," Liara told her.

"Maybe Dr. Chakwas should take a look at you then," Shepard suggested.

"That won't be necessary. I just need some rest."

"We're done here. And for the record: the Feros shore party have all earned themselves a Hollywood shower. Dismissed," Shepard addressed everyone.

Kaidan was the last to get up. For some reason this whole joining of minds and 'Embrace eternity' disgruntled him. Maybe it was only his opinion, but he couldn't help feeling that Liara had been quite eager to meld her mind with Shepard's.

_Or maybe you're just being touchy. Maybe Liara really was just eager to find out more about the protheans, notwithstanding her obvious admiration for the commander._

Before leaving the comm room he cast a quick look back at Shepard, who was preparing to report to the council. He turned away and slowly headed down to the crew deck to grab a bite to eat. To his surprise the mess was almost empty. Then again it was almost 2030. He walked over to the galley to grab an energy bar. He needed some quick calories. The mess sergeant saw him approach.

"Lieutenant, there is still some dinner left. You don't have to settle for one of those bars." She jerked her chin toward the cupboard with the nutrition bars for biotics.

"Thank you, van den Hoek, but I really need a proper shower, so some quick calories will have to do for now. I'll see about more food later."

"I'll save some for you, LT."

He waved at her and headed to his sleeper pod to get his shower kit, eating the energy bar as he went. Shower, eat, sleep – that was his plan. And hopefully get a chance of talking to Shepard.

* * *

It was close to 0200 when Kaidan woke up. The throbbing in his head still hadn't subsided. Not even the nice, long, hot shower he had taken after the mission debrief helped. It had felt so good at that moment, letting the hot water run over tense muscles in his neck and shoulders. Now, all the tension was back. _Great,_ he thought sarcastically. He got up and headed to the med bay to get another dose of his medication. He had injected some via the medi-gel applicator in his armor on Feros already but it obviously hadn't been enough.

Kaidan didn't bother turning on the light in the med bay. He knew exactly where to find his migraine medication. After he had injected the medicine he went into the dim mess hall. He got himself another energy bar and sat down. He ate it slowly, leaning his head back against the wall as he waited for the medication to kick in.

He sure hoped it would work. If it didn't he could probably look forward to one of the worst migraines so far. He slid deeper into the chair, resting one arm his forehead and slowly dozed off.

The feeling of someone touching his shoulder and a soft voice speaking his name startled him back to wakefulness. And lingering pain. _Shit, the meds_ hadn't _worked_. He opened his eyes and found himself looking into the face of his commander. Right away he straightened up.

"Commander!" He was about to stand up when her hand on his shoulder held him firmly in place.

"As you were, _Lieutenant,_ " Shepard said with a hint of amusement in her voice as she emphasized his rank. "Why in the world are you sleeping at the mess hall table?"

He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Didn't mean to fall asleep here, Commander. Got up to take some meds and grab a bite to eat, and then I must've dozed off."

"Kaidan," Shepard said with a sigh. "What does it take for you to at least call me by my surname when we're alone in the mess in the middle of the night? We're not on duty, you don't have to refer to me by rank. Anyway, you said meds? Do you have a migraine?"

He nodded slowly. "It's been stewing for hours. Took some meds back on Feros too. They helped for a bit and so did the Hollywood shower. Actually the pain phase hasn't really started yet. So far it's mostly stiff muscles and an irritable mood, with a little bit of throbbing. The real pain is yet to come. I'll know as soon as the aura sets in."

"Aura?" Shepard asked, sitting down on the chair next to him.

"Yeah. In my case it's generally an impaired field of vision and loss of position sense." He gave a small shrug. "There are a number of different sensory auras."

"Am I glad I don't get migraines," was her emphatic reply.

Kaidan laughed quietly. "You can say that again." He cleared his throat. "How are you doing? You looked pretty shaken after Shiala gave you the Cipher, and then again after Liara melded, joined, whatever, her mind with yours. I don't think I'd ever seen someone look so pale before." There was something strained in his voice as he talked about Liara, but she couldn't quite place it.

"I feel a lot better. Sleeping helped. At least up until I had my nightly nightmare. But, I feel better. Really."

They both were silent for a moment before he continued, "What did the Council say about the Thorian?"

Shepard rolled her eyes and began imitating the different voices of the Councilors. " _ExoGeni should have informed us about the Thorian. It would have made your job much easier …_ No kidding ... _Maybe it would have been possible to capture it for study instead of destroying it ..._ Salarians, really ... _Perhaps it's for the best then. At least the colony was saved ... Of course it was saved. Shepard would go any length to help a_ human _colony._ And _that's_ when I hung up on them."

"You _hung up_ on the Council?" Kaidan couldn't believe it. He would have sat through the whole call until they dismissed him.

"Hell yes. Any more of their bullshit and I would have tried to punch their holos. At least Valern's and Sparatus'. Tevos is not as openly hostile as the other two, but that's about it." She looked up at him. "Why? Would you have listened to all of their bull until they kindly let you go?"

"Probably?" he answered with his typical lop-sided smile. Then his smile faded. "I guess we're a long way from back-up. There will be more tough calls to make. Just … be sure to leave yourself a way out. I've seen what cutting corners can do, and I'd hate to see that happen to you, Ni-, Shepard."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Did you just almost call me by my first name? I can't believe it. So, are you concerned for me? Or is this a more personal observation, Kaidan?"

He averted his gaze and fidgeted on his chair. "Uh, I didn't mean to … I, uh, I don't want to step on anyone's toes," his eyes flicked to meet hers, "especially if you're … uh, if I have misread your interests." He looked rather uncomfortable all of a sudden.

"My … interests? Kaidan, _what_ are you talking about?" she was thoroughly confused.

"Uh, Liara?" A blush spread slowly across his face as he continued to look at her. "There's a lower-deck rumor she's … interested in you. As more than a source of prothean data." He returned his gaze at the table in front of him. "She's a very interesting lady. Not to my tastes, but …"

Nick leaned forward a little trying to make eye-contact. "Kaidan, are you _jealous_? Of _Liara_?"

"Uh, it's just that we don't have much downtime these days and I like being around you. But I don't want to take up your personal time." He avoided answering her question, but finally looked back at her. He tried to appear composed, but she could see something, apprehension?, in his eyes.

"You're not taking up my personal time, Kaidan." She couldn't believe he was jealous of _Liara_. Whatever had put that thought in his head? She tried to get back to the beginning of their conversation. "You said something about cutting corners?"

"Uh, yeah. Remember what I told you about my biotic training?" He was grateful she didn't pursue the topic of Liara any further. He cursed himself for not thinking before speaking. He could always blame it on his meds if she asked him about it tomorrow.

"Of the fuck-up the Alliance made with it's choice of instructors? Letting a bitter turian torture you as kids? Of course I remember." As if she would forget that. She had thought about what he had been through for days.

"I don't know if they'd consider it torture ..." he began.

"Oh, for fucks sake, Alenko!" She felt like throwing her hands in the air in frustration. "What else would it be? Depriving students of food and water over a prolonged time _is_ torture. Especially if these students are biotics. You _know_ that."

"Yeah. Anyway, what I meant to say is that when you cut corners you don't always know who might pay for it. So, when someone is… special … to you, you help them." Their eyes met and suddenly Kaidan was worried he'd said too much. He was always amazed that her eyes looked blue at some times and gray at others. Now, they was a perfect blend. Streaks of gray in an ocean of blue surrounded by a dark blue outer iris. He could drown in those eyes.

"Special, huh?" she felt her heart speed up and her brain seemed intent on flashing big sign with _He thinks you're special_ in her mind.

"If I'm out of line, just say the word." His voice had dropped a notch, making it sound even more gravelly than usual. It was a sound that sent a jolt through Shepard's body.

"You're not out of line, Kaidan," she whispered a little breathlessly. Nick cleared her throat and went on with regret in her voice. "But there are regs."

He sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I hear ya, Shepard. Don't you think I know that? I don't make a habit of complicating the chain of command, you know."

"I never said you did." Her voice was soft. She stifled a yawn and glance at the clock. It was shortly after three. "We'll talk more tomorrow, okay?"

"I'd like that. Goodnight ... Nick," he said as they stood up.

She nearly stumbled at the unexpected use of her name and he automatically reached out to steady her. For a moment he feared she would rebuke him for using her first name or rather its short version. Instead she looked at him with a warm smile.

"Good night, Kaidan."


	16. MSV Fedele

When Kaidan wasn't there at breakfast, nor on time for the daily morning debrief Shepard knew his migraine must have entered the pain phase, as he had called it the previous night. And when Dr. Chakwas walked in looking grim Nick figured it was bad. Or at least the worst he had had so far.

"Commander, you will have to work without the Lieutenant today and probably tomorrow. I had to give him rather strong medication, stronger than usual." The doctor's tone of voice was severe. "And, as the physician responsible for the crew's medical evaluation, I strongly recommend keeping Lieutenant Alenko on ship-side duty for several days after he has recovered from his migraine."

"He's going to be one unhappy trooper when I tell him he can't go ground-side," Shepard mentioned.

"Better unhappy for a few days, than completely frying his implant and ending up with chronic migraines or worse," Chakwas retorted. "And that is what will happen, if he isn't given several days to recuperate. He has been pushing himself too hard. I have no idea why. He is one of the most controlled biotics the Alliance has, so I don't know why he has come so close to over-taxing his implant so often in the past weeks." The way the doctor looked at Shepard indicated she had a pretty good notion, though.

Shepard blushed slightly, recalling what she had told him on Eden Prime. _No more holding back_.

"He also mentioned a new amp that he hasn't found the time to calibrate properly yet. He must be given that time. When you buy a new weapon, do you use it right away, or take it to the shooting range first and spend time tweaking it so it fits your abilities and preferences?" It was clearly a rhetorical question and the doctor continued speaking. "I will give _him_ a lecture about that yet, too. He knows how important it is to tune his amp, both as a biotic and as a trained medic. Now, I am going to get back to the med bay. Commander."

After the doctor had left Shepard slowly exhaled. _She_ had the feeling she had just been chewed out. She did not want to be in Kaidan's shoes when the doctor gave him his talking-to, not when the doctor was in Mother Bear mode.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully. They wouldn't reach the mass relay until sometime that evening. She wrote reports, talked to the crew. All she really wanted to do, though, was head to the med bay and check on Kaidan.

 _Godammit, Shepard! Get a grip on yourself. It's not like he's dying. He is your_ lieutenant _. Do your fucking duty and act like a commander!_

She would go talk to Garrus or maybe Ash. They would help her take her mind off things. The turian had turned into a true friend over the past weeks. Not only could they talk about sniper rifles for hours they could also just sit in companionable silence. And she could poke fun at him.

"Geez, Vakarian! Do you ever not tinker around with the Mako? I swear, last time I took it for a spin it handled funny. Probably your fault," she said by way of greeting.

Garrus turned around, mandibles twitching. "Hah! If I weren't here you'd have to _walk_ everywhere on your ground-side missions. You could just learn to use roads, Shepard. Just because the Mako can climb insane inclines doesn't mean it should."

She waved his comment away dismissively. "Roads are totally overrated. If I have a vehicle like the Mako, then I should use it to its fullest abilities. And that means _off-road_. Anything else would be boring."

"Boring? How much more action do you need, Shepard?"

She didn't answer, but climbed up onto the Mako. Garrus shook his head as she sat down on the turret and patted the spot next to her, indicating he was supposed to get his ass up there. He tightened the last bolt and put the monkey wrench to the side before climbing up and sitting down next to her. She felt his gaze on her as she scanned the room. Ashley and Wrex were both working at the weapons bench. Her requisitions officer was busy at his work station. Other than that the cargo hold was empty.

"What?" she asked as she tilted her head to look at the turian.

"How is Kaidan?"

"Doc gave him some killer meds against a killer migraine. Said he'd be out of it all day today, and possibly tomorrow. And she put him on ship-side duty for a week." Shepard huffed. "He is going to freak out. It is literally the worst thing that can happen to a marine." She fell silent and picked at her fingernails. After a short pause she continued, "Apparently he's come close to frying his implant on the last few missions. And if that happens his migraines could become chronic." She paused again. "You know what's the worst about it?" she asked quietly.

Garrus shook his head, waiting for her to elaborate.

"On Eden Prime he didn't use his biotics until I told him to. And then it was a weak Throw, just enough to throw the husks far enough back so I had time to shoot them. As soon as they were down I really laid into him with a tongue-lashing and told him he'd goddamn better use his biotics properly. I told him _no more holding back_. And he hasn't. Ever since then I have seen him use some truly… awe-inspiring displays of biotic power. Especially since I got him the Savant VII. "

"And now you wonder if the frequency and intensity with which he has had migraines in the last weeks has something to do with what you said," Garrus concluded.

"Yeah." The word was spoken softly. "Thing is, he knew exactly how much force to use to get the result we needed. I shouldn't have lashed out like that. I've worked with other biotic soldiers before. They were a lot more comfortable with their biotics than Kaidan is and used them at any chance they had. But not one of them had the power Kaidan has."

"Shepard, you did both the right and the wrong thing, I think. Right, because it is necessary for him not to hold back all the time. He is too good a biotic to waste his ability. Wrong, because you didn't realize to which extent he would follow your order." Hearing Garrus say it out loud in his two-toned voice gave her pause. She knew he was right. Her mind had run along the same line of thought but there was always a lingering doubt if she couldn't have handled it better. Kaidan _had_ to grow more comfortable with his biotic ability. Nick was aware that his hesitation to use them had to have something to do with his time at BAaT, but she still didn't know details.

She didn't answer right away. "I guess so." She fell silent again for a moment. "But what if it's my fault if one of the Alliance most promising junior officers is forced to retire for medical reasons because his CO didn't consider that her lieutenant knew what he was doing?" She sighed.

Garrus shook his head. "Alenko isn't stupid. He knows his limits and as soon as he's gotten used to that new amp of his he'll be fine." At least he hoped so. Although he couldn't shake the feeling that Kaidan would throw all caution overboard in order to rescue Shepard. They lapsed into silence.

"You must've seen some action during your time with C-Sec, Garrus," Nick suddenly asked out of the blue, surprising him slightly.

"Not as much as you. But yeah, I've seen some interesting stuff."

"Like?"

"Well, there was this salarian geneticist I sent to investigate. That case was a bit … disturbing." He paused, clicking his mandibles.

"Disturbing? In what way?"

"I was tasked with tracking black market trade on the Citadel. Most of it was harmless. But during the course of my investigation I noticed an increase in the trade of body parts. Organs, mostly. We usually get a few of those, but not the numbers I was seeing. We weren't sure if there was a new black market lab or if some freak was harvesting organs from citizens."

"Body parts? Is that common?" she furrowed her brow.

"Every so often, some lab sells unwanted body parts over the black market. But they're not as bad as the psychos. There was this elcor diplomat we caught in my first year on the job. He was hacking people up and selling their organs. Had the station in a bit of a panic."

"I'll say."

"But this case wasn't that clear cut. There was more going on than we first realized. First we got a hold of a sample and ran DNA tests. The weird thing was, the match led us to a turian who was alive and very convinced he'd never lost his liver. After a bit of digging I discovered the turian worked briefly for Dr. Saleon, the geneticist. So, I went to his lab hoping to find evidence of cloned organ development. But there was nothing. No salarian hearts, no turian livers, not even a krogan testicle."

Shepard suppressed a snort. "Krogan testicles? You're kidding, right? I mean, who would even _want_ a krogan testicle?"

"There's quite a market for them, actually. Some krogan believe a testicle transplant can counteract the effects of the genophage. It doesn't work, but that doesn't stop them from buying. They'll pay up to 10,000 credits each. That's 40,000 for a full set," he huffed. "Somebody's making a killing out there."

"What did you do about the geneticist?" Shepard inquired.

He told her about one of the geneticists employees, who started bleeding profusely during interrogation and then freaked out when they offered to patch him up. C-sec's medics found his body to be covered with incisions, some of which were fresh. They discovered the salarian was using his employees as living test tubes.

"You mean he was growing parts inside of those people? And then harvesting them? That is … sick."

Garrus agreed. Then he told her how the scientist used poor people for his experiments and only paid them if the organs were good. If they hadn't grown properly he just left them in his test subjects. Shepard was appalled.

"Bastard," she muttered. "He got what he deserved, right?"

Garrus shook his head. "That's the worst part. We never caught him. He ran for it. Blew his lab, grabbed some of his employees and headed for the nearest space dock. By the time I got there his ship was already leaving. He threatened to kill his hostages if we tried to stop him." He paused again. "I wanted Citadel defense to shoot him down, but C-Sec headquarters belayed my order, fearing for civilian casualties if the ship got shot down too close to the Citadel. As for the hostages, I told them they were dead anyway. He would just use them to grow more organs. But they didn't listen."

"A tough choice. So this means there's a mad salarian scientist on the run who uses living subjects as test tubes? Did you ever have another lead on him?"

"I thought I did. My info said he'd changed his name to Dr. Heart, but I never had the chance to investigate further. I got the transponder frequency for his new ship. Now I just need someone to check it out."

Shepard stretched out her hand, palm upward and made a come hither movement with her fingers. "I'll check out the coordinates."

"Thanks, Shepard. I'd hoped you would say that. When we find him I want to come along." There was steel in Garrus' voice.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." She grinned at him.

"Now, go and check up on Alenko." Garrus grinned and gave her a little shove, "How many hours have you been trying to keep busy instead of going into the med bay?"

"Maybe I'll go after I've punched in these coordinates into the galaxy map." She jumped off of the Mako.

In the end Shepard kept busy for several more hours until she went into the med bay to check up on Kaidan. It was past 2200 when she walked in quietly. Shepard was surprised to see Dr. Chakwas sitting in the corner reading.

"Doc? How is he doing?" Shepard asked in a soft tone.

"Commander," the elder woman smiled almost mischievously, "I am surprised you didn't stop by earlier." Then her tone became more earnest. "He was awake a little bit about an hour ago and tried to get up which didn't work out too well. I gave him another dose of his medication and I hope by morning he will feel well enough to eat."

Shepard looked at her surprised. "He hasn't eaten all day? _Alenko?_ Well, I don't want to take up any of your time _._ I'll check in again tomorrow morning. Good night, doctor."

* * *

Kaidan spent almost the entire next day in the med bay yet and he looked decidedly unhappy when he entered the mess late that evening. The doctor had just chewed him out in style for not using his old amp until he found the time to adjust to the new one before releasing him from her care. She had a valid point. He knew it was dangerous to overtax his amp too often. But he didn't want to disappoint Shepard.

_Hell, Alenko, she won't be impressed if you can't at least control yourself so far as not to completely fry your implant._

And now he was stuck ship-side for at least a week. Well, then he had plenty of time to practice with his Savant. Although Dr. Chakwas had been adamant that he was supposed to keep his biotics offline for at least two days and then slowly begin working with them again. He had to admit though that he really didn't feel well enough for any ground-side action. Almost two full days of pain, nausea and vomiting left him feeling dog-tired. With some luck they would be en route the whole time.

"Hey, LT. You look like shit," Ashley greeted him, lounging on a chair.

"Feel like shit, too," Kaidan grumbled as he walked past her towards the galley.

"Yeah. Been having a rough time the past two days, haven't you? You know how often the commander stopped by the med bay the past two days?" Ashley asked sneakily.

Kaidan stopped and turned to face her. "Ash."

"Seriously, LT. I think her schedule the since yesterday morning went something like this," Ashley straightened up and began speaking as if she were reciting the weekly duty roster, "Debrief with XO Pressley, go to med bay to speak with the doctor about LT, go to engineering and speak to CHENG Adams, return to med bay to speak with Liara and check on LT on the way, eat, head down to the cargo hold talk to everyone, go to med bay, go talk to Joker, do administrative shit, return to med bay." By the time she was finished Ashley was grinning. Then she let out a theatrical sigh, shaking her head. "I'm sure she would've gone by the med bay a whole lot more often, hell, she probably didn't want to leave the med bay. But she was probably worried someone might call that unprofessional. I don't know which one of you is worse."

"Sounds like what any commanding officer would do. You are making more of this than there is," Kaidan answered. He felt warmth spreading through him nonetheless. Had Shepard really checked by several times? Once he had thought he had heard her voice, but his brain was so fogged by the medication circulating through his veins he had dismissed it as a dream. "And anyway, maybe she just enjoys talking to Liara."

Ashley scowled at him. "Kaidan. Are you always that thick-headed? Sure, she talks to Liara. And Liara has a thing for her but you are the one Shepard doesn't take her eyes off of when she thinks no one is watching. Really, you two should _talk_ more."

"We do talk, Ash."

"What about? Probably only mission related shit. I mean, have you told her how you feel?"

Kaidan scrubbed his hands over his face. He didn't feel up to this argument with the brash gunnery chief. He put as much steel in his voice as could at the moment. "Chief, there is nothing to tell. It doesn't matter what I feel. We have our duty and a mission to fulfill. And you would do well to remember that."

"You pulling rank on me, LT? That's pretty low. Guess I struck a nerve there." She crossed her arms in front of her.

"Ash …," he sighed. He was well aware that Ash wouldn't give up. "Okay. I told her she was special, alright?"

"Special? Well, did she tell you you were out of line?"

"No. I asked her if I was and she said no. But she also said there were regs."

"You two, seriously. I feel like whacking you both over the head with the Alliance set of regulations. You can't control who you fall in love with. And if that person doesn't outright shoot you down I would at least consider that they just might feel the same. Especially if the two people in question are Alliance officers. Quit being so careful, LT. If Shepard weren't interested she would tell you frankly, wouldn't you say? Think about that. I'm gonna hit the rack now. Good night, LT." She got up and yawned. With a wave of her hand she walked towards the sleeper pods.

"Good night, Ash." He stood there for a moment before heading to the galley to fix himself a sandwich. Leaning against the counter he slowly ate and mulled over what Ashley had said. Maybe she had a point.

_Maybe._

* * *

They reached the Herschel system on the morning of the third day after Kaidan had returned to duty. He had been briefed on the details, but he was not cleared for any ground-side missions. Instead he found himself loitering in the cargo hold as Shepard suited up. Ash and Garrus would be accompanying her. As she struggled with some harder to reach straps their eyes met. A small smile played on Nick's lips as an idea formed in her head.

"Lieutenant, would you mind giving me a hand here?" She turned her back to him, looking back over her shoulder.

"Not at all, Commander." Kaidan stepped closer and adjusted the straps. Then he checked every closure. A quick double-pat let Shepard know she was good to go. She could have asked Ashley or Garrus to check the straps and closures. They were right next to her, after all, but she had asked _him_. When he was done he stepped back out of her personal space, feeling very aware of her. It didn't help that both Ash and Garrus were grinning.

"Thank you, Alenko."

"Anytime, Commander." He saluted and went to the elevator. He was on duty soon.

" _Commander,_ " Joker's voice rang over the comm, " _we're ready to dock. You might want to come up to the airlock_."

"We're on our way." She nodded to her team, following Kaidan to the elevator. "Move out!"

They got into the elevator together and Ashley winked at him with a big grin. She reminded him strongly of the Cheshire cat. Kaidan rolled his eyes, much to her amusement. Shepard didn't see it, standing with her back to them.

Kaidan went up to the CIC with them, heading for the helm and then sat down in the co-pilot seat. Joker cast a short look in his direction and grinned widely when he saw who had just taken up the seat. Kaidan did his best to ignore his smirking friend and powered up the console. He knew he could have very well worked at his console on the crew deck, but Joker always had the comm channel open so he could follow what the ground team was up to. And even if he couldn't go along this was the closest he could get while being stuck on the Normandy.

* * *

Meanwhile, Nick, Ashley and Garrus boarded the MSV Fedele. There was no resistance upon entering, but that didn't mean anything, so they moved on carefully, alert. They heard sounds from the main cargo hold and went that way.

Upon entering the cargo hold Shepard swore under her breath. Crates were stacked almost to the overhead, obscuring any line of sight. She signaled Garrus and Ashley to hold their position as she carefully crept toward one corner. When she was in position a quick glance showed her even more cargo. Nick motioned Ashley to move up and take position to the right side of the bulkhead. Ash nodded and swiftly took up position opposite from Shepard. Garrus moved to the other corner of Shepard's crate and shook his head. There was no way forward on that side.

They heard another sound.

Nick slid around the corner and headed to the row of boxes in front of her. There was one that could be used as a perch and she signaled Garrus to get on it. Perhaps he would have a chance of sniping something from up there. Nick inched to the other corner and peered around it.

A number of crates crisscrossing the floor with at least one containment canister and … _something_ … that looked much like the Thorian Creepers they had encountered on Feros.

"Shit," Shepard whispered barely audible. She wished she had taken Liara or Wrex along. Their biotics would be helpful. Even more she wished she could have taken Kaidan along. His biotics and his Neural Shock attack would have been _perfect_. As it was though, she didn't have any biotic along.

She slowly pulled back and motioned Ash and Garrus to close up to her.

As soon as they were at her side she whispered, "There are some of these Creeper thingies from Feros. Don't let them get too close. They have a powerful melee attack and as soon as they are close enough they will try to vomit on you. Ash, you and I will try to knock them on their asses with our shotguns and Garrus will make sure they stay down with his assault rifle. There is a containment canister between some crates at one o'clock. I will try to lure some Creepers close to that canister and one of you lets it explode."

Shepard looked at her squad mates and they nodded, confirming they had understood the plan. Nick took a deep breath and then sprinted toward the crates.

As soon as she broke cover she heard the screeching wail of the Thorian Creepers. She shot the creeper ambling towards her, making it stumble. Without slowing down she jumped over the first crate. Two more Creepers were closing in on her. She shot the one closest to her and then aimed for the containment canister. It exploded before she took the shot, taking out two of three Creepers. Nick shot the third one and then focused on the remaining Creepers that had emerged from the opposite side of the cargo hold. The air filled with the putrid stench of rotting flesh as more Creepers exploded.

Garrus let another containment canister explode, dealing with two more Creepers. Ashley was trying to hold off two more as they converged on her position, taking a step backwards with every shot. Nick added her effort to Ashley's, bringing down the first one.

With a critical eye she swept the room. It appeared as though they had taken care of all hostiles. She opened her omni-tool and took a quick scan. _Usually Kaidan would have done this._ The scan revealed no more hostiles in the cargo hold, but it showed one more sign of life on the starboard side towards the helm. Shepard walked through the bulkhead, quickly followed by Garrus and Ashley.

There were three bulkheads in the passageway they were in now. One leading to the helm, one port and one starboard. Nick gestured towards the starboard bulkhead.

The bulkhead opened to reveal a salarian behind it. No sooner did he see them when he started speaking, "Thank you. Thank you for saving me from those things."

Garrus snorted. "That's him, Shepard. That's Dr. Saleon."

The salarian shook his head. "What, no! My name is Heart. Dr. Heart!"

Shepard tilted her head slightly to the side. "You sure about this, Garrus?"

"Positive," he answered. Then he addressed the salarian, "There's no escape this time. I'd harvest your organs first, but we don't have the time."

"You're crazy!" the salarian looked at Shepard. "He's crazy, don't let him do this to me, please."

Nick frowned slightly. "I doubt if you cared what your 'test subjects' went through. But I can't let my squad mates turn into the monsters we are hunting. We'll take him in. Jurisdiction can take care of him."

Garrus stared at her. "But...we have him! We can't let him get away again."

Nick cast a backward glance at him before focusing her gaze on the salarian again. "Think, Garrus! If he dies we'll never know what he's been up to. Or how he did it. We'll take him in, interrogate him and he'll serve his time."

Taking a deep breath, Garrus nodded slowly. "Okay. You're right." He looked at the salarian. "You are a very lucky salarian. You owe the commander your life."

With a sneering voice the salarian thanked them, and tried to run for it. Nick had been anticipating something along that line. She swiftly brought up her shotgun and shot. Dr. Saleon dropped dead.

"And so he dies anyway! What was the point of that?" Garrus sounded upset.

Nick turned around to face him and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "Garrus, you can't predict how people will act. But you can control how you'll respond and that's what matters. I gave him the choice of coming in quietly. He didn't, so I reacted in the way I deemed fit."

Garrus clicked his mandibles a few times before answering. "Yeah. You know, I don't think I've ever met anyone like you, Commander."

Nick grinned. "I've heard that before! Okay, let's see what we find here."

Their inspection of the lab brought forth a number of blood stained instruments and vials of blood from various different species.

"At least it's one madman less in the galaxy now," Ashley said.

Nick nodded. "Yeah. We're done here. Let's get back to the Normandy."


	17. Binthu

The shore party had just returned when Joker received an incoming transmission.

"Commander, Admiral Kahoku is on the comm for you!" he called to her as they passed the helm on their way from decon. Shepard creased her forehead and slowed to a stop. What could Kahoku want?

Instead of taking the call at the galaxy map as was her wont she turned around and went back to the helm. Kaidan was still sitting in the co-pilot seat and she couldn't help but smile when their eyes met. Her smile widened even more when she saw his eyes light up at seeing her.

"Patch him through, Joker."

The snarky pilot smirked at her and she was almost certain he and Kaidan had been talking about her not long before.

"Shepard," they heard the admiral say. His voice sounded hushed, as if he feared someone else might hear him, making it difficult to understand him due to interference on the comm system. "I have information on who was behind luring the platoon into a trap on Edolus. We are talking about a rogue Alliance black-ops group going by the name Cerberus. I have acquired the positions of three of their bases on Binthu. I am transferring them to you now. Shepard, this is probably the last you will hear of me. Cerberus will be searching for me now. I must go into hiding. Fare well and good hunting, Commander."

"Admiral!" Shepard began, but all she heard was the static of the comm system. "Damn it. Admiral?"

She was flabbergasted. A rogue Black Ops group meant trouble. Joker looked at her and shrugged. Nick cast another glance at Kaidan only to see he looked about as incredulous as she felt. But there was also determination in his gaze as his eyes found hers and she remembered the vow he and Ashley had given her after Edolus.

"Joker, set a course for the Voyager cluster." She pursed her mouth and then turned to Kaidan. "Looks like another detour for us, but I want to check out this information. Think you'll be up to it, Lieutenant?"

Kaidan looked up from his console to see Shepard standing next to him with an expression that could only be called hopeful. "You can bet on it, Commander."

"Very good. Carry on." She flashed him a genuine smile and Kaidan felt his heart flutter. His mind returned to the last talk he had had with Nick and he almost heard Ashley's admonishing voice calling him thick-headed.

He watched her for a moment as she walked through the CIC before turning back to the console in front of him and continued working.

After a short silence Joker spoke up, grinning. "I'll never understand how you can be so unsure of Shepard's feelings. I swear she practically gobbles you up with her eyes."

Kaidan pinched the bridge of his nose. "And I swear you're as bad as Ash."

"Yeah, well, Ash and I agree on this." Kaidan gaped at him with wide eyes. Joker shrugged, "What? Didn't you think we'd talk about you and the Commander? With all that sexual tension between you two?"

"There is no..." Kaidan began but stopped himself from uttering the words _sexual tension_ at the look on Joker's face. And because he knew it was true. He felt this warm rush whenever she flashed him that smile. His mind wandered on to the increasingly distracting dreams he was having and he felt a blush creeping up from his collar. He cast down his eyes and muttered under his breath. "I'd rather you didn't."

"Well, as your friends we think you need a push in the right direction. How do you ever get into any kind of relationship with women?" Joker huffed.

"My last relationship was with a guy." Kaidan reminded him.

"Right. I'd forgotten all about that." Joker fell silent again as they heard footsteps approach. He quickly changed the subject when he saw it was Navigator Pressley. "What do you think the admiral found out? He sounded almost scared."

"If this is really a rogue black-ops group then he probably has a good reason to sound troubled. It's not like they'll want to be found or have people interfering with them. And I have the feeling they won't hesitate to assassinate the admiral. After all, they had no qualms luring a platoon of marines into a thresher nest," Kaidan responded.

"There's that. You didn't answer the actual question though. What do you think the admiral found?"

"What he said. The locations of three Cerberus bases. The real question is what will we find there?"

They fell silent, pondering the question. Whatever they would find Kaidan was determined to be part of the shore party once they got there. That meant he had to get the doc to clear him for something more than just ship-side duty. He was due for a check-up after his shift and he hoped she would finally let him use his biotics again. Kaidan snuck a peek at the time stamp on his console. Two more hours. He made a quick mental calculation to see if he would have the time to practice with his new amp – assuming Dr. Chakwas finally cleared him.

A little more than two hours later he found himself sitting on a bunk in the med bay while the doctor ran what felt like one scan after the other of his implant. Scans without an amp, scans with his old amp, scans with his new amp. He was beginning to think she was coming up with all these scans on purpose.

"Anxious to get out of here, Kaidan?" the doctor asked without looking up from the scan she had just taken.

He shifted slightly. "Uh, I wanted to work with my biotics yet. If I can, that is," he added.

Dr. Chakwas didn't answer directly. She continued to gaze at the datapad in her hand, slowly nodding her head. Then she looked up with a warm smile.

"The readings look excellent, young man. You can start biotic training again. But _slowly_ , Kaidan. Start with small things. After Feros I was rather worried because the scans of your implant were … troubling. Now, everything is as it should be. One thing though, I don't think you should get a more powerful amp than this one." she tapped the Savant lightly with a finger. "You've always spiked high, but with this new amp your readings are off the chart. Get accompanied with it slowly and you should be able to master very high level biotics." There was a pregnant pause before she went on sternly. "I shouldn't have to lecture you about this."

"No, ma'am."

"Good. You can go then, Lieutenant."

Feeling happier than he had the past few days he picked up his amps, got up and made his way toward the mess. Before he had reached the med bay bulkhead the doctor called out to him again.

"And Kaidan, before you start biotic training, go and eat."

"Aye-aye, doc," he answered as he stepped outside. _Yes, mom._ He didn't bother mentioning that that had been his plan anyway.

As usual, the mess sergeant held out a tray for him as soon as he approached the galley. He accepted the food gratefully and went over to the table to eat. Kaidan was anxious to get his workout started, so he ate quickly. Ashley plopped down into the chair next to him and watched for a short time before commenting on the speed at which he was consuming his food.

"Geez, LT. Are you starving? Or do you think it'll taste better if you eat it faster?"

He swallowed. "I have something to do, chief."

"And what would that be?" Ashley didn't make any effort to hide her curiosity.

"Doc cleared me to start using my biotics again," he shrugged. He scraped together the last bit on his plate. "So I want to start practicing with my new amp. I have to get in tune with it." He chose to ignore the knowing smirk on Ashley's face.

"Oh." Ashley remarked in a slow drawl. "I see."

He shook his head in exasperation and stood up to bring away his tray.

"If I want to be a valuable asset to the team I have to be able to use my abilities to the fullest. And that means working out with a new amp; just like taking a new pistol to the range. Sure, I've worked with the new amp and I know I am much stronger with it, but it also gives me worse migraines. So I have to find the right amount of energy to use in order to reach maximum effect with minimum side effects. And the only way I can do that is under practice conditions. During battle I will always apply maximum force."

His tone was colder than he had intended. He knew Ashley was just teasing him about his feelings for Shepard but getting the proper feel of his amp was important. Funny, he contemplated, how working together with Shepard had changed his fighting style already. A few months ago he would never have applied maximum force with his biotics, not even in combat. No, he would have stuck to his tech attacks and his pistol, only using his biotics as a last resort.

Ashley's expression turned serious. "I wasn't criticizing you, LT. And you _are_ a valuable asset to the team. I thought your biotics were pretty impressive back on Eden Prime already, but Shepard told me that was nothing compared to what you did on Feros. I was just teasing you a little."

"Yeah." He paused, "Listen, Ash. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lecture and I know you were just teasing. Guess it's just a mild form of cabin fever."

Ash waived his apology aside. "It's fine. No need to apologize."

"Thanks."

Kaidan went down to his locker to square away his old amp. He carefully took the Savant out of its case and slid it into the amp jack at the base of his skull. He felt every hair stand on end as the power of the Savant rushed through him, enhancing his biotics. He quickly discharged against his locker and went over to the back corner of the cargo hold where the gym had been set up, grabbing another bag out of his locker on the way.

He pulled the mat onto the floor and put different sets of weights onto it. Kaidan carefully activated his biotics, trying to find the right amount of power to use to stack the weights according to weight. The first weight he biotically grabbed shot into the air.

"Shit!" he grumbled as the weight clattered to the ground as he quickly dropped it. He had used less power than he would have with his old one and it had still been far too much. Taking a deep breath he tried again. A few tries later he had found found the appropriate amount of effort he had to use.

This was something completely different than Throwing a hostile through the room with full force. Unleashing his biotics with full force during combat was easy, the aftermath … not that much. Now, he needed fine control. It reminded him of some of the biotic exercises he had had to do in BAaT. Luckily he didn't have a sadistic turian breathing down his neck anymore. Not that Vyrrnus had ever taught them control, no, they had had to figure that out themselves.

He put the weights back on their place using his biotics. A smile played on his lips as the weights floated through the air and landed with a soft _thump_. Then he opened the bag he had taken out of his locker earlier.

Most people would have laughed to see an Alliance marine with ten years of service with a set of wooden children's building blocks, but actually building something using only biotics was a real challenge. They were considerably lighter yet than the weights and his biotics had to be used … softly. Like a whisper of air.

He concentrated and slowly Lifted a block in order to set it on another one. It had an almost meditative quality to it as he built the tower higher. The tower wobbled slightly as he added another block and Kaidan narrowed his eyes. It held. The smile on his face turned to a triumphant grin. He felt a pleasant warmth emanating from his amp, not the burning that preceded a migraine and he knew he had reached his equilibrium. This was what he had to practice to find instantly, even in battle, then he would again be able to use his biotics in a controlled yet powerful manner again. He knew it wouldn't save him from getting migraines, but it should happen less often.

 _Hopefully_.

After biotically throwing the blocks back into the bag he decided to do some PT as well. He flared and felt dark energy rippling along his body. He did _not_ notice that he was being watched as he began stretching.

* * *

Nick walked out of Engineering only to notice a blueish flash at the back of the cargo hold. She went forward a few steps and stopped. It was the lieutenant. She held her breath as she saw wisps of blue traveling along his shoulders and down his back. Her eyes followed the trail of blue lower and she cursed silently, her eyes glued to his backside.

It didn't help that the Alliance t-shirt he was wearing was just a mite on the tight side. He wasn't bulky, but he was definitely well-toned. And those Alliance issue sweats just seemed to emphasize exactly how well toned other body parts were as well.

He turned slightly to the side and for a split second she was certain he had noticed her, her heart beating fiercely, but he turned his back to her again, bending forward to pick something up. Nick licked her lips. _Move, you idiot,_ she chastised herself, _before somebody comes and sees you_.

She didn't move. She _couldn't_ move. There was no power in her legs anymore; they were made of jelly. If Kaidan turned around he would see her plain as day and if anybody left engineering or got off the elevator they would see their commanding officer swooning at the sight of their head of marine detail doing exercises. Her luck held. The lieutenant took no notice of her as he stretched and loosened his muscles, nor did anyone come into the cargo hold. Heat pooled in her stomach and she licked her lips again.

When he changed his stance slightly, going into a kamae she finally gathered enough willpower to retreat into the elevator. Nick was sure her libido couldn't handle the sight of him running through a kata with his biotics active. She had never before felt so frustrated and grateful at the same time. Frustrated because her body was aching for something she couldn't have and grateful because nobody saw her.

Nick stepped out of the elevator and walked towards her cabin, only to be hailed by Ashley, Garrus, Wrex and Liara who were sitting around the tale in the mess.

"Skipper!" Ashley waved at her.

Nick sighed. So much for slipping into her cabin unseen and hiding until her hormones were under control again. She turned around and waved back. "Have some paperwork to catch up with and a call to make, sorry!"

With that she passed through the open bulkhead and sighed with relief as it closed behind her. Leaning against the bulkhead she closed her eyes. _Paperwork, yeah right. More like a cold shower_.

Unfortunately she really did have paperwork to do. It was high time to go through the requisitions order for her procurement officer. She sat down at her her desk and picked up a random datapad. Why was she having so much trouble concentrating? _For fuck's sake, he wasn't even shirtless!_

She dropped the datapad back onto the desk and dropped her head into her hands with a groan. What in the world was wrong with her?

_You're in love with your Staff Lieutenant, dumbass, that's what._

She sat back, realizing she had been avoiding admitting this for weeks. So far she had only admitted that it was different than … art appreciation. Sure, she enjoyed talking to him. And he was handsome. Polite. Sexy. Hell, so damn sexy. Nick reflected on the past weeks, trying to pinpoint when she had fallen for him. The more she thought about it, the more certain she became that it all started back on Arcturus.

She had to talk to someone. Someone who was not part of Normandy's crew. She activated her private terminal and dialed Matt's number. A short pang of guilt surfaced, as she realized it was in the middle of the night there.

She chewed at the cuticle of her index finger as she waited for Matt to answer her call.

"Nick? S'up? Why are you calling at, uh," he turned around to look at something, probably a clock, "two o'clock in the morning?" His voice was thick with sleep and he rubbed his face with both hands.

"I'm in trouble, Matt," she said.

He perked up. "Why? What happened? Where are you, Nick?"

"Matt, I'm in love," Nick stated miserably.

Her best friend blinked at her a few times like an owl. "Nick isn't that something to feel happy about? Unless of course the person you're in love with doesn't love you back, but most people feel happy when they're in love."

Nick just groaned, dropping her head onto the desk.

" _No_ , it's _not_ something to feel happy about! I mean, yes, it usually is, but not if you're the commanding officer and fall in love with your lieutenant."

A sleepy voice called from another room, asking who it was. A moment later Trevor appeared next to Matt, looking equally disheveled. "Nick? S'up?"

Nick shook her head at her friend for using the exact same words his boyfriend had used. "Hey, Trev. I'm in love. That's up."

"And why aren't you doing a happy dance?"

" _Because_ I managed to fall in love with a _subordinate_!" she ground out.

"Does he feel the same?" Trevor sat done, obviously preparing for a longer interrogation.

"He … told me I'm special," she whispered.

"Alrighty, so he likes you. So, what's the problem?"

Nick refrained from rolling her eyes. That was the problem with talking to civilians. "He is my _lieutenant_. I am his _commander_. Ever heard of fraternization? _That's_ what we'd be accused of and probably drummed out of the service. It's against regulations."

"Nick, you're parents are both Alliance officers. And I know you like bending rules."

"Yeah, but they never served on the same ship and it still cost them more than one promotion. We hardly had any family time because either one or both were on a cruise at opposite ends of the galaxy. Why do you think I had to board at school?" she snapped. Nick took a deep breath. "It's not just my career on the line here, but his as well. And I don't want to ruin a promising career." She paused again, "I wanted to talk about it with someone who wasn't Alliance, but I shouldn't have called. Sorry for waking you two." She reached to disconnect the call.

"Nick, wait! Sorry we didn't realize it was that much of an issue. We're here for you," Matt apologized.

"It's okay. I didn't mean to get all bitchy. I just feel so insecure about what to do."

"Sooo," Matt rubbed his hands and looked at her expectantly. "Tell us about him."

She knew she was in for a long talk. "Okay. Um, he's a trained sentinel..."

"Nick! We don't want to what he's trained to be. We want to know about him." Trevor sounded exasperated. "What caught your attention? Looks, manners, what?"

"Everything?" Nick answered with a small shrug, "No, honestly. Everything. His sense of humor. His eyes. This half-smile, half-smirk on his face when we talk. His voice … his voice is just the epitome of sexy. And I swear, I don't think he is aware of any of this."

* * *

Nearly a week later they finally reached Binthu. Kaidan had been cleared for ground-side duty several days ago. They hadn't had much opportunity to talk though, as he had pulled the worst duty shift for that week. Joker let her know they were approaching Binthu and would be close enough to drop the Mako soon. Nick walked out and went over to Kaidan's work station.

He noticed her coming and turned to her with his typical half smile. "Commander."

A shiver of delight ran down her back just at the sound of his voice. Gravelly, yet warm. "We're getting close to Binthu. Gear up and tell Ash to get ready as well."

"Aye-aye!", Kaidan's eyes lit up at the prospect of coming along and she knew it was not only because he was itching to be part of the ground team again. She turned to leave, but not without throwing him a coy smile over her shoulder.

Kaidan felt extremely self-conscious as he geared up next to Shepard for the first time in nearly two weeks. The smile she had thrown him over her shoulder had been more flirtatious than usual. Some how he had the feeling something had changed. _Just concentrate on the mission, Alenko. Keep your head in the game._

As soon as she was geared up she turned her back to him, waiting expectantly. He ran his hands over the seams of her armor, checking the closures. Everything was fine. He gave her shoulder a double-tap before turning around so she could return the favor.

They mounted the Mako, Shepard climbing into the driver's seat as usual. Ashley had quickly crawled into the elevated seat to take control of the cannon, leaving navigation and radar to Kaidan. He didn't mind. Truthfully it was his favorite spot in the Mako. One reason being that he liked keeping an eye on his surroundings as well as the status of the Mako's shields, armor and life support. The other was he was closer to Shepard.

As soon as Shepard was strapped in she gave Kaidan a questioning look, a silent inquiry if he was ready for the drop. He held up a closed fist, letting her know to wait yet and then, after a nod from Ashley, he gave her a thumbs up. Shepard radioed Joker, ordering him to open the cargo hold.

The Mako shot forward with a lurch.

"Geez, Skipper," Ashley commented as they landed on the surface with a heavy _thump_ , "you are aware this thing doesn't always have to be driven full throttle? And that we have boosters to soften the landing?"

"Are you complaining, Chief? I thought you liked Mako drops." Then she turned to Kaidan, not waiting for Ashley's reply. "Lieutenant?"

"We've landed more or less in the middle of our targets. One is at eleven o'clock, the second at two o'clock and the last one at six o'clock."

"Eleven o'clock it is." She stepped on the gas. Then she returned to Ashley's comment. "I don't hear the Alenko complain about my abilities driving the Mako. Everybody else seems to have misgivings of some sort. Garrus complains I should stick to more roads, or at least go around mountains and not over them, Tali and Liara don't say anything but I know they are holding on for dear life, Wrex curses and," Nick drove the Mako over a ground wave without slowing, "now you start complaining about my landings. The only one never to say a word is Kaidan."

"I've driven with a lot worse drivers." Kaidan shrugged.

Ashley let out an amused snort. "Yeah, LT. I'm sure that is your only reason."

"Commander, there's a mineral deposit not far from here. A notch towards twelve o'clock." Kaidan ignored Ashley's jab. Shepard altered their course slightly.

After marking the deposit they continued to the first Cerberus facility. As they drew near Kaidan warned about two heavy turrets guarding the base's entrance. Soon, the turrets were smoking ruins and they came to a stop nigh the first facility's entrance.

The entrance room was empty.

"Multiple hostiles," Kaidan whispered as he swept the surroundings with his omni-tool. He punched a command in his omni-tool and pulled a grenade from his belt, priming it. Shepard and Ashley pulled their shotguns.

Nick threw a short look at her shore party and activated the doors as soon as they nodded in confirmation. They carefully followed the short passageway leading to the adjacent room. Keeping low Shepard sprinted to a pillar. There was a containment field taking up a large part of the room. There were a number of small … bug-like … animals within. Kaidan had never seen anything like them, but now was not the time to wonder what they were.

The Cerberus forces in the base had become aware of their presence.

Shepard rounded a corner, taking cover behind a diagnostics station. The first Cerberus commando that peaked around the pillar at the far end of the room was Lifted by Kaidan before giving off a shot. They worked their way around the room, two concentrated on what lay ahead, the third watching their back so they couldn't get flanked.

Once all hostiles outside of the containment shield were taken care of Shepard went back to a diagnostics station and deactivated the forcefield. Whatever the … bugs… were, they attacked on sight. Both Nick and Ashley quickly shot one with their shotguns, while Kaidan shot the last one with his pistol.

"What are those?" Ashley asked as they stepped closer to examine the creatures.

"No idea," Nick muttered.

Kaidan scanned one with his omni-tool. He raised an eyebrow in surprise when he saw the readings. "According to the scan they're Rachni."

"Rachni?" Shepard turned to look at him. "Aren't those things extinct?"

"That's what I thought," he responded and scanned another one. He threw a look at the result and wordlessly turned his arm so Shepard could read for herself. _Rachni_.

"Well, isn't that sweet." Sarcasm dripped from her voice. "Okay, let's see what else we find."

They explored every corner of the facility, but there was nothing more of interest.

The second Cerberus base was almost identical, only that the containment field held a much larger creature. Once it was dead Shepard surrounded it with a look of revulsion on her face.

"Rachni?" she asked as she caught his eye.

"Rachni," he acknowledged.

In the final Cerberus facility they saw Thorian Creepers in the containment field. Shepard signaled Kaidan and Ashley to fall back into the entrance room. Then she sprinted to the nearest diagnostics station and deactivated the force field surrounding the Creepers.

It wasn't a bad plan as the Creepers attacked whatever was closest to them. Once they were engaged with Cerberus forces Shepard sprinted back to the entrance room. It was bad luck that the Cerberus sniper was not engaged in a fight with a Creeper. His first shot hit her square on the shoulder. She cried out with pain and stumbled, drawing the attention of both a Creeper and a Cerberus Commando. The second shot hit her thigh.

"Shepard!" There was an edge in Kaidan's voice. He broke cover when she stumbled from the impact of the first hit, sprinting towards her position. His biotics flared to life and he Threw the hostile forces closing in on her back with the most powerful Throw he could muster. They did not get up again.

He skidded to a halt next to her, dropping onto his knees.

"Chief, take care of that sniper!" He ordered as he opened the med kit he always carried and began examining Shepard's wounds. Instinctively he activated his barrier and expanded it so it engulfed Nick as well.

The shoulder wasn't much of a problem. She would be sore for several days, but the shot hadn't penetrated the armor. The thigh wound on the other hand was bleeding profusely. He frowned as he continued his inspection.

"Commander? The shoulder guard protected your shoulder well enough, but the shot to your thigh is a different story." he tried keeping his voice calm, but it cracked nonetheless.

"He took out my shields with the shoulder shot," she grunted as she tried to change positions.

Kaidan nodded. "Lay still! I'm going to have to remove the thigh guard so I can see how much damage was done."

Nick just nodded. The sniper had hit the seam and her leg felt as if it were on fire.

"I'm surprised I still have a head," she mentioned casually. "I would've gone for a head shot in his stead. Speaking of head – I'm feeling a little queasy, Kaidan."

Kaidan glanced at her and swallowed. "Uh, Commander, I'm going to have to cut away some of your underarmor. Otherwise I can't retrieve the projectile or apply the medigel properly."

Their gazes met and Nick nodded, very aware of the pressure of his hand on her thigh. She bit her lower lip and Kaidan quickly dropped his eyes back to the wound. He drew a deep breath and focused on the wound, letting his paramedic training take over. Or trying to. His heart was beating so hard he was sure she could hear it. But this was _important_. He had to be professional. He worked quickly and efficiently, refraining from looking at her.

He swallowed hard when he became aware of how close the projectile lay to her femoral artery and swore under his breath.

"Shepard," he said with urgency in his voice, "Don't move now!"

Once he had retrieved the projectile and sealed the wound with medigel he wrapped a bandage around her thigh. Only now did he look up again to meet her eyes.

"Done, Commander."

"Help me up," Nick said and stretched out her hand.

He shook his head. "Let the medigel do its work first, Shepard."

"I can rest on the Normandy, Alenko. Now, help me up!" She glared at him and Kaidan took her outstretched hand, carefully pulling her to her feet and steadying her as she tried putting weight onto her left leg.

Meanwhile Ashley stood a few steps to the side. As soon as Shepard was on her feet the Gunnery Chief drew her attention to the body of a man wearing an Alliance uniform laying in the middle of the room.

They had found Admiral Kahoku.


	18. Agebinium

"Fuck this shit," Shepard mumbled, wincing as she lowered herself carefully onto her knees, despite Kaidan's objections, and felt for a pulse. Nothing.

She rolled the admiral's body over, examining it for wounds. There weren't any, at least none that were visible to the naked eye. She looked back at Kaidan over her shoulder. "Lieutenant? Can you run a medical scan? There aren't any wounds and," she felt the back of the admiral's neck, "I don't think his neck is broken." She grunted as pain seared through her leg and swore before looking at Kaidan sheepishly. "And, uh, can you help me up?"

"Commander, I think you should sit down. I'll help you up when we're done here." He ran the medical diagnostics program on his omni-tool as he scanned Admiral Kahoku's body.

"Damn medics." Shepard scowled at him, but complied. Kaidan arched an eyebrow in return and then returned his focus on the scan, trying not to think about how ridiculously adorable that scowl was.

He cleared his throat. "The only thing I can find is the mark of an injection at the base of his neck. There are no other wounds. I guess he was was dead already before the Creepers were locked in the containment field with him."

"Okay. I thought as much. Or, hoped. And now, help me up. We're done here."

With a smirk Kaidan wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her up carefully. They heard a quiet laugh from Ashley, who had been hovering in the background. Blushing Kaidan released his hold on Shepard's waist, moving his hand to her elbow instead.

"I don't want to interrupt you two lovebirds, but there's an encrypted console here. Might be worth a look." Ashley's comment resulted in both officers blushing even harder. They pulled apart completely and Kaidan went to the console Ashley pointed at. He felt almost grateful for her interruption. Being so close to Shepard was … distracting.

A minute later he looked up from the terminal. "I've got it. It's the location of the Cerberus' main base of operations in this cluster. It's on Nepheron in the Columbia system."

"Well done, both of you. That's our next destination then. Let's get back to the Normandy."

They walked slowly back to the Mako and signaled Joker they were ready for pick-up and he sent them the coordinates for the rendezvous in turn.

"Should I drive?" Kaidan asked as Shepard grimaced.

"My leg is fine, Lieutenant. I can drive," she answered sharper than she had intended and she instantly felt a pang of guilt. Kaidan only wanted to help. Thankfully it wasn't all too far, but she was not going to admit her leg hurt like hell. To take the sting she turned her head and smiled. "But thanks for the offer."

* * *

Back on the Normandy Nick told Joker to set course for the Columbia system as she limped over to the lockers and sat down slowly. Maybe she should have let Kaidan or Ashley drive. She laid her weapons beside her and began unclasping her armor.

"We'll take care of this, Commander." Kaidan had come up next to her and took the armor piece out of her hand. "You go and see Dr. Chakwas."

"Are you ordering me around, Alenko?" Shepard asked. He returned her gaze unabashed.

"As your field medic – yes." He didn't blink an eye.

"And you're enjoying it yet, too," she went on. Nick wasn't sure if she should be annoyed or pleased. The lieutenant often seemed shy and many people tended to underestimate him, but he was firm in his demeanor when he was in the right. His main problem was being overly analytic.

"Maybe." There was almost a hint of smugness in his voice.

Shepard nodded. He was right, she knew that. With a sigh she got up and walked slowly towards the elevator. When she turned around she saw Kaidan and Ash standing at the weapon's bench together, watching her. She couldn't help but wonder if Ashley was going to pester Kaidan about _them_.

Dr. Chakwas was already awaiting her.

"Let me guess, Alenko ratted me out," she observed drily.

"Kaidan did his duty as field medic. If there is a serious injury inflicted on one of the shore party then he has to report it," the doctor began her examination. "Kaidan's report was accurate, but that was to be expected. Your shoulder didn't take any damage, bruising shouldn't be too bad. Now let me have a look at that shot wound on your thigh." Nick pulled down her uniform pants and laid down on a bunk, waiting while the doctor undid the bandage and ran another scan. After a few minutes the doctor straightened up. "Well, there is nothing left for me to do other than dress the wound again. The Lieutenant did an excellent job. Nonetheless, you will be in pain for a few days. I recommend you take it easy."

"Until we reach Nepheron," Nick said. Dr. Chakwas gave her an inquiring look.

"There was evidence that the Cerberus' main base of operations is located there. We're en route now."

" _Commander,_ " Joker's voice rang out over the comm, " _there is an incoming call from Admiral Hackett for you, marked priority: high._ "

"I'm on my way," Shepard replied and looked at the doctor with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, doctor."

"No, you aren't," Dr. Chakwas retorted, not buying it for a second.

Nick laughed and made her way to the CIC, glancing over at Kaidan's work station to see if he was there.

A short while later she found herself sitting at the mess table contemplating the conversation she had just had with Admiral Hackett. An Alliance espionage drone with a nuclear payload from the days before the First Contact War had suddenly started emitting a signal – from within the Voyager cluster. Nobody knew how it had gotten there and of course it would be bad for the Alliance if anyone found out. So now they had altered their course and were headed for the Amazon system instead of the Columbia system, so the Normandy's crew could deal with it. Nick had not been happy and she had told Hackett as much. There were specialists for this kind of thing and none of her crew had the expertise of disarming a bomb that was almost thirty years old. Hackett had just replied other ships were too far away. This was supposed to be taken care of ASAP.

Not quite two days until they reached the Amazon system, Joker had said. That's how long she had to prepare her team for the mission. She sat there thinking about the best squad mates to bring along. Kaidan, for one, as he was a techhead. And Ash? Yeah, Ash, was probably a good choice.

She took a sip of coffee and grimaced. _Whoever brewed this coffee ought to be shot_ , she thought, _I am never going to drink coffee again unless Kaidan made it._

"Shepard?" Liara asked as she walked toward the table. "Do you have a moment?"

"Yeah, sure." Nick pointed at a chair. "Is there something you wanted to talk about?"

Liara looked almost bashful. "I am not sure how to say this. Uh, would you mind if we talked in the med bay's storage room?"

Nick tilted her head slightly to the side, her eyes narrowed. Then she nodded slowly. "Okay. If you feel uncomfortable talking about in the mess hall, sure we can go to the storage room."

Nick got up gingerly and followed Liara. _What was this about now?_

She crossed her arms and leaned against the closed bulkhead once they had entered the storage room. "Okay, Liara. What do you want to talk about?"

The young asari wrung her hands and glanced at the desk before looking at Shepard again. "Last time we talked I said that there was something compelling about you. But, I am still not sure if it is appropriate to act on my feelings. I was wondering if there already is a relationship between you and Lieutenant Alenko.""

Realization dawned on Shepard. "Wait, let me guess. You are _romantically_ interested in me?"

Liara blushed and nodded. "Of course, if you already are in a relationship … ."

Shepard rubbed her face. Maybe she should have seen this coming. Kaidan had told her that Liara was interested in her and she had just dismissed it. Ash had also mentioned something along that line and Nick had ignored that as well. She could have avoided this. She would at least try to let Liara down as gently as she could, for she liked the young asari. But not like that.

"Listen, Liara. I am not in a relationship," the asari lifted her head with a hopeful gleam in her eye until Shepard continued, "but you are right. Kaidan is special. I care about him. A lot. It's just … complicated."

"I am sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. I am just trying to be honest. Is it because asari are viewed as female by humans? I feel as though we share some kind of connection," Liara asked in a small voice. "Don't you feel a connection between us, Shepard?

"Not in a romantic way, no. I am not romantically interested in females. Been there, done that. It's not for me. I am sorry, but I just want to be friends." Nick felt genuinely sorry for Liara, but sweet as the asari might be, she would never be more than a friend.

"I understand. I am a little embarrassed that I misread you. You reached out to me as a friend and I hoped for more." Liara cast her eyes down, looking at her hands. "Can we just forget this whole incident?"

"Already done," Nick smiled. "I won't mention it again."

They talked for some time yet about Liara's mother and asari culture before Nick went back to the mess. She was relieved she had cleared the air with Liara. Now, all she had to do was figure out how this whatever-it-was between her and Kaidan was supposed to go on. And disarm a nuclear espionage drone. And stop Saren and the geth.

Her coffee was cold by now, so she dumped the remains in the sink and went back to the coffee machine to get another cup, feeling in need of caffeine. She heard a firm footfall and knew without turning around that it was Kaidan.

"Commander," he greeted her, heading toward the sleeper pods. She watched him walk to his pod and put something in his locker. His shaving kit, she realized. He returned, grabbing a mug on his way and pouring himself a coffee as well. She smelled the warm, spicy scent of his aftershave, mingled with the light smell of ozone that always surrounded him. She wanted to inhale deeply. Instead she took a swallow of coffee.

"How is your leg? What did the doc say?" he asked quietly.

"Everything is fine, Kaidan. She said you did an excellent job," Nick answered just as quietly. He simply nodded. He knew he was a good field medic, but he felt an urge to protect Shepard that surpassed anything he had felt before. Not that she needed anyone to protect her.

For a moment they stood next to each other, shoulders almost touching, drinking their coffee in companionable silence. She cast him a sideways glance, only to see him doing the same thing, his typical half-smile playing on his lips. Some of the crew walked into the mess, breaking the intimacy of the moment. Shepard cleared her throat. _Time to be professional again_.

"Lieutenant, do you know anything about bombs used before or during the First Contact War?" she inquired.

He raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Uh, only a little. They weren't rigged that much differently from current explosives. Why?"

"Then I suggest you dig out some old Alliance blueprints and take a good look at them, because you'll get to defuse one sometime in the next two days."

She nodded towards the table and they sat down together, while Shepard filled Kaidan in on the mission details.

* * *

Roughly forty-two hours later they were preparing to drop onto Agebinium. Kaidan and Ashley had both finished gearing up already when Nick joined them in the cargo hold. She just saw Kaidan giving Ashley a pat on the back. He had probably just checked her armor and given her the all-clear. Ashley said something and Nick saw Kaidan roll his eyes and shake his head.

Shepard wasn't sure why, but for some reason she had an ominous feeling about this mission. Something about it just rubbed her the wrong way.

She quickly stripped down to her skivvies and suited up, turning to Kaidan with a smile when she was done. He returned the smile, knowing what she was waiting for and began checking the closures of her armor. Every time he got to do this – check Shepard's armor – he felt a warm, pleasant feeling sweep through him like a wave. Yes, he did the same for Ashley or any other squad mate, but with Shepard it had a special quality to it.

This time he let his hands linger just a fraction longer than usual, but he knew Nick was aware of it.

They landed on the surface of Agebinium and stared at the barren rock illuminated by the humongous Red Giant bathing the planet in blood-red light.

"How inviting," Ashley commented drily. "I think I'll spend my next shore leave here."

"Yeah," Kaidan said sarcastically, "looks like the perfect place for a vacation. Not too overrun, a scenic view, what else could you possibly ask for?"

"You got it, LT." Ash grinned.

"You two have crap taste in vacation spots, let me tell you." Shepard shook her head in mock disdain and drove the Mako around the face of a cliff.

Kaidan dropped the sarcasm to inform Shepard of the location of the beacon. "Commander, the signal is coming from north of us."

"What, you don't want to join us here?" Ashley asked. "You'll hurt the LT's feelings yet."

"We're getting close to the signal," Kaidan observed, ignoring Ashley's grin. Outside they could see an entrance to a mine as well as a number of crates. Kaidan frowned at the console. According to his display the signal was being emitted from _inside_ the mineshaft.

Shepard became aware of his frown and furrowed brows. "Something wrong, Alenko?"

"Not quite sure, Commander." He checked the console again and then powered up his omni-tool. The signal was apparently coming from underground. And all evidence pointed at the mineshaft. Maybe something was distorting the signal?

They disembarked the Mako and examined the boxes scattered at the foot of the ramp leading into the mine. Kaidan activated his omni-tool again. No, there was no doubt.

"Shepard, the signal is coming from inside the mine," he informed them.

Ash turned around quickly to look at him. "Well, that just stinks."

"I agree. This thing didn't crash. Somebody moved it here," Kaidan replied.

"No kidding, but that doesn't change our objective." Nick told them. The strange feeling she had had all day intensified. She pulled her shotgun, gripping it firmly. "Our job is to find the probe and defuse it. Just stay on guard!"

The mine was eerily empty, not one sign of life showed on their HUDs.

"This is kind of creepy. Why would the active signal of a beacon come from inside an empty mine?" Ashley muttered.

Nick didn't answer. They had reached a large chamber with two passages at the far end and they advanced slowly. There was nobody there. When they reached the far end they had to discover that one passage was locked.

"The signal is coming from the other passage, Commander," Kaidan let her know.

The chamber was empty apart from the espionage drone laying at the far end and several crates. They approached the bomb warily when a sudden load rumbling made them all jump.

"What the hell?!" Ashley exclaimed, looking around bewildered.

" _That_ was a detonator," Kaidan said.

Shepard was just going to comment, when the hologram of a man appeared.

"Shepard. At last," the man sneered. "I was hoping you would be the one they sent."

They spun around to face him and Nick took a few steps towards the hologram. She tilted her head to the side and observed the man through narrowed eyes. " _At last?_ Have we met?"

"You don't remember me! Ah, no matter. I remember you. I never forget anyone I fought." There was a venomous note in the man's voice. "My name is Elanos Haliat, though I doubt you know it. Who do you think runs the Terminus clans, Shepard? Hm? Thousands of pirates, slavers, criminals of every stripe?"

Nick put a hand on her hip, cocking it to the side. "You assume I give a damn. That's cute."

"The strongest leads. The one who kills the most men. Seizes the most ships. Pillages the most colonies." The venom in the man's voice increased tenfold with every word he spoke. "Six years ago, I was the strongest. With my influence I assembled a fleet to drive your kind out of the verge!"

Shepard's voice was laced with ice. "You were behind the attack on Elysium, you sonofabitch!"

"I was the instigator. The one who promised glory and riches for sacking the largest human colony in the cluster! The one blamed when it failed," he spluttered with rage. "Failed because of you and your damnable holding action!"

"Aww," Shepard scoffed. "Nice try, genius! Well, if this is your way of trying to get back at me, good luck. My crew will come for me."

"Oh? Let them. We'll be ready. An Alliance warship will be a fine prize," the pirate said confidently. "And in case you haven't noticed, the ores in this mine are laced with heavy metals. I'm afraid your suit radios aren't powerful enough to transmit out." He grinned maliciously.

"Is that supposed to scare me, Haliat? Let me tell you something: Next time we meet you're dead. Count on it."

"I rather doubt that. Good-bye, Shepard." The former Terminus leader laughed and severed the connection.

"We've got air and light, Commander," Kaidan said. "We can look for another way out."

Nick stared at the spot where Haliat's hologram had been seconds before. "Yeah. And then someone needs my boot up their ass!"

Suddenly, they heard a ticking sound coming from the bomb.

"Alenko!" Shepard barked, but there was no need. The lieutenant had already pushed past her and was prying the cover off of the fusebox. He worked in record time, as the clock on the timer counted down the seconds.

Once the bomb was disabled, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and saw Shepard nod at him.

"Well done," she said simply and gave his shoulder another pat. But her eyes … her eyes shone as she looked at him.

The cave-in blocked the way they had come from, but Kaidan short-circuited the door leading to the other passage and they continued that way discovering it indeed led to the surface. Apparently it was some kind of emergency exit, as there was just a small hatch to crawl through. Shepard was more than glad she hadn't brought Wrex along on this mission. There was no way the krogan would have fit through the emergency hatch.

Shepard signaled her squad to stay back while she crept towards the precipice. She took her sniper rifle off of her back and peered through the scope. Down below she sighted a number of hostiles and, to her surprise, the Mako. One of the pirates must have driven it around the to the back of the mine, probably seeing it as loot. She counted quickly and then crawled back several steps. When she was certain she couldn't be seen from below she got up and waved Kaidan and Ashley to join her.

"Okay," she told the other two quietly, "here's the situation; I counted at least eight tangos, two of them krogan and at least two with sniper rifles. There is no cover between us and them. That means we have to decimate their numbers before we can go in close. Alenko, I don't think your pistol has the reach we need. Maybe you can lob some tech attacks at them. Williams, you and I have some target practice waiting for us. Ah, another thing, they have our Mako down there."

"That just means we don't have to walk back, Skipper," Ashley commented.

"Damn right," Shepard agreed. "And now let's show these bastards not to piss off Alliance marines."

"Oorah!" both Kaidan and Ashley replied.

Shepard signaled Kaidan to go to her right and Ashley to her left. They dropped down and crept towards the edge again, Nick and Ashley both readying their sniper rifles. This was another one of those moments in which Kaidan regretted not being more proficient with a sniper rifle. Instead he pulled a tech mine from his belt and opened his omni-tool. As soon as the mine was primed he biotically Threw the tech attack, gaining maximum range. Shortly afterward he heard the characteristic sound of Shepard's and Ashley's sniper rifle.

Shepard and Ashley changed positions after every shot they fired, while Kaidan stayed in one spot. He was situated at the only spot that offered decent cover. While his omni-tool was cooling down he just slid back a step.

The resistance was heavy, but in the end the pirates stood no chance.

Once the snipers and both krogan were down Shepard took out one more pirate with her sniper rifle. Then she signaled her team to move in close. Ashley took one more shot with her sniper rifle before she switched to her assault rifle, while Kaidan threw another Sabotage before pulling his pistol.

Finally, there was only one pirate left. They advanced on him from three sides, weapons trained on the man laying on the ground, clutching his stomach.

"Haliat," Shepard said in a cordial tone that sent a shiver of apprehension down Kaidan's back. He shared a quick glance with Ash. If he were in Haliat's place he would feel terrified. It was soft, yet menacing and sounded more threatening than anything he had heard Shepard utter before. "I told you we'd see each other again. And I told you you'd be dead then. Now, if I were cruel I'd just leave you to die in slow agony from that stomach wound. But today is your lucky day."

The pirate leader tried to reach for a pack of medi-gel, but Nick kicked it away, shaking her head. "Uh-uh. I didn't say you get to live. I just said I wasn't going to let you die in agony." She hunched down next to the pirate, idly turning her pistol in her hand. "You know, I went through hell during the Blitz and I always thought it was the batarians that were responsible for the initial attack. To find out a human pirate sold a human colony out to the batarian hegemony makes me sick. I saw civilians die that day. I saw children die that day. I saw group of batarians attempting to rape a young girl. They didn't succeed. The first to pull down his pants died with my bullet in his head and the others scattered, but I took them all down. I don't want to know how many _were_ raped and abused that day. So, you see, you are of no value to me."

She stood up and started walking away. After five steps she spun around and fired her pistol in rapid succession, until it overheated. She stared at the corpse of the former pirate leader and then ordered her squad to look around for any evidence of further pirate activity. There was none.

They headed back to the Mako and radioed the Normandy that they were ready for pick-up.


	19. Ontarom

"Do you think we'll find anything useful in the data we recovered from that base, Commander?" Kaidan asked quietly as they walked towards the CIC. "Or do you think it flashed too much already?"

"I have no idea. You're the techie here. How much data do you think it wiped?" she retorted.

"Hard to say. It all depends on the data type." He shrugged.

Nick frowned slightly as they stepped through the bulkhead into the CIC. She had been in a bad mood for days now. Ever since taking down Elanos Haliat on Agebinium to be more precise. The thought alone still made her seethe. How could a human sell out a human colony into slavery to the batarian hegemony? In her eyes there was nothing to excuse that. Now the instigator of the attack on Elysium was dead. With a little help of her hand. There was this evil, hateful voice in her head that kept telling her she should have let him perish from his stomach wound. It would have taken hours and given her an odd twisted feeling of satisfaction.

She hadn't let that happen for two reasons. The first reason was that she didn't think anybody deserved that fate, even if it was a close call in Haliat's case. And the second reason was that she had been afraid he might have back-up on the way and he just might have been rescued. Unlikely as it may have been, she hadn't wanted to risk it.

The downside was that she was having worse nightmares than usual about the Skyllian Blitz, and she hadn't had any late-night talks with Kaidan since Feros. She wasn't quite willing to admit how much she enjoyed those talks alone in the mess. She cast a sideways glance at him just before she turned to take up her preferred spot at the galaxy map and he went on to the helm to take up his duty at the survey station.

Their eyes met briefly and Kaidan gave her his lop-sided smile. Nick felt her heart skip a beat before she flashed him a quick smile as well. He returned his gaze to the front and continued his way to the helm. _Her_ eyes followed him as she stepped up to the galaxy map.

_Damn it, Shepard, take your eyes off his ass!_

She didn't. They were glued on his retreating form until Joker's voice caught her attention. It was about an incoming transmission from Admiral Hackett.

"Sir?" She prayed her voice sounded normal, because her mouth had gone dry and her heart was still doing funny things.

" _I've received some information I thought you'd want to see, Shepard_ ," the slightly distorted voice of the admiral rang over the comm system. " _Someone is killing former Alliance scientists. There have been four deaths in the last month._ "

"Former scientists? Sounds almost like a cover-up. Does someone have a project they want to keep secret?" Shepard asked.

" _We found a connection between the scientists … and you,_ " Hackett continued.

"Me?" Nick couldn't help but be surprised. What should Alliance scientists have to do with her?

" _They all worked on a classified project several years ago,_ " the admiral paused slightly. " _On Akuze._ "

Nick remained silent for a brief moment as she let the information settle in. "Brilliant. First some failed Terminus system pirate leader trying to get back at me for thwarting his rise to power during the Blitz and now you're suggesting these scientists may have had something to do with the attack on my unit? Those bastards!"

" _I don't know. Those thresher maws killed dozens of soldiers. If this was more than an accident we need to know. Listen, what you do with this information is up to you. I just thought you'd want to know._ " Again Hackett hesitated before going on. " _There was a fifth scientist working on the project. A certain Dr. Wayne. I'm transmitting his last known coordinates. Good luck. Fifth Fleet out._ "

She stared at the galaxy map for a moment before uploading the received coordinates to the map. She groaned inwardly when she saw they lay in the Kepler verge. Why couldn't Hackett have had the information nearly two weeks earlier when they had still been there? Well, there was no use bellyaching about it. Her thoughts began revolving around Akuze. Was it really possible that Alliance scientists had something to do with the thresher maw attack on her unit? Why? Why would the Alliance do that? _What if had something to do with Cerberus, the_ rogue _Alliance black ops organization_?

Her fingers gripped the railing in front of the galaxy map and she hung her head shortly. Whatever it was, she would find out soon enough; _one way or the other_.

* * *

Later that night she awoke drenched in sweat again. Her dreams about Elysium and Akuze had merged again and she couldn't shake the image of the thresher maw attacking not only her unit, but also the civilians she was trying to defend against the batarians during the Blitz. The smell of maw acid burning its way through flesh mingled with the sharp, acrid smell of gunfire. The olfactory memory assailed her, making her senses reel.

Taking deep, controlled breaths she sat up slowly.

Nick glanced at her clock. 0244. Scrubbing her hands over her face she got up. She needed a fresh shirt. And maybe she should make herself some tea. Dr. Chakwas had ordered her to stock up on some herbal tea that was supposed to help her sleep. Maybe she _should_ start drinking that in the evening.

Dressed in a fresh tank top and Alliance issue sweat pants she stepped into the mess – and almost collided with Kaidan.

"Whoa! Sorry, Commander! I didn't expect anybody to be up," he apologized. He looked at her sharply, "Is everything all right? You look a bit pale."

He was still wearing his fatigues, she realized. "I'm fine. Haven't you caught any shut-eye yet?"

Kaidan shook his head. "No, I was on first watch and then I spent nearly two hours with Specialist Chaudry going through the data from Nepheron. I just wanted to grab a bite to eat and then hit the rack."

"Why? No, seriously, why did you spend two hours of your off-duty time for that? You could've left it until tomorrow?"

"Sure, but I figured the sooner we decrypt the data, the better. We hadn't planned on it taking this long."

"I was just going to fix myself some tea. You could join me," Nick blurted out. _Pathetic, Shepard. Are you in middle school, or what?_

There was this half-smile again. "My pleasure, Shepard."

Together they walked to the galley, not speaking yet incredibly aware of the other. Nick opened the cabinet with the tea, and looked for the medicinal tea the doctor had ordered her to get. She pulled the tin out and sniffed as she opened the lid.

"Sure you don't want some coffee? I'll even fix you my special," Kaidan offered as he scooped coffee powder into the machine.

Nick shook her head and smiled at him. "I'll never understand how in the world you can drink coffee at this time of night and then go to sleep. I'm even more surprised it still has any effect on you in the mornings anymore."

"I just like drinking coffee."

"As for your offer, I'd love to have a special but I think tonight I'll drink this herbal tea the doctor told me to get."

"What is it against? If, uh, if it's alright that I ask?" Kaidan gave her a quick sideways glance as Nick poured boiling water onto the sachet. She nodded and jabbed her head towards the mess table, indicating they should sit down.

"It's supposed to help against my insomnia," she explained as she watched him eat his sandwich. It was disappearing quickly.

"Are you still having visions from the beacon?" Kaidan asked.

"No, well, technically yes, but I've gotten so used to it that it doesn't bother me quite as much anymore. No, these are old nightmare." She stared at the table, drawing circles with her fingers. Kaidan remained silent and when her eyes flicked to the side she saw him watching her closely. She sighed and took a swallow of tea, instantly pulling a face. "Eww, this is disgusting. Does the doctor want to kill me or just my taste buds?"

"Shepard, you put half a bottle of hot sauce on your dinner. I'm surprised you can taste anything at all." Kaidan smirked at her. Nick held her mug under his nose. It smelled a little bitter. "Smells medicinal. So, do you want me to fix you some hot cocoa?"

She nodded and he went back to the galley. Taking another sip of tea she watched him prepare the hot cocoa and felt this pleasant twist in her stomach. _I could get used to this_.

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked quietly when he returned, handing her the mug. "If you don't, I understand that. I … know what it's like. Just know that whenever you want to talk about something that's bothering you, I'm here."

Their eyes met as she took the mug out of his hands and she saw the concern in his gaze. Instinctively she knew it was not a concern for her in the function of commanding officer, but concern for _her_ , Nick. She knew she could tell him. Kaidan wouldn't judge her and he wouldn't interrupt her. He would listen as she bared her disturbed soul, but _not tonight_.

"I'd rather not talk about it right now, but I appreciate you asking. And I'll remember, don't worry." She smiled at him, keeping her eyes locked with his and a wave of relief swept through when he nodded. He wouldn't push and prod. She took a swig of cocoa. No coffee in it. "I thought you were going to make me a special?"

"You said you wanted to sleep yet, so no coffee," Kaidan retorted.

"Smart-ass."

They sat in the dimly lit mess in silence, just drinking their hot beverages. As Shepard watched Kaidan she saw his expression grow thoughtful. It was an expression she remembered seeing on his face when he had told her about BAaT. He hadn't finished his story then. _Maybe…_

"You never finished telling me what happened at BAaT."

His eyes flicked to meet hers, only to drop to the mug in his hands. "You're right. I haven't."

She watched as he clenched his jaw. He gave her a sideways glance. "Do you want me to?"

Nick barely refrained from rolling her eyes. "I wouldn't have mentioned it otherwise, would I, Alenko? So, yes, I want you to tell me what else happened there."

"I told you about Vyrnnus's teaching methods, but did I tell you that we weren't allowed any contact with our families that wasn't supervised? Letters were censored and if you started talking about details on the phone they severed the connection." He told her how one boy had managed to build a transmitter and that they'd tried sending messages. The next day when they arrived in class they found their classmate tied to a post. "Shelby was the one who'd built the transmitter. Vyrnnus told us we were wasting our education and asked me specifically if I thought it was a joke. I answered that I didn't. Then he asked if we knew what Shelby had been doing the previous night. Of course none of us said anything, so we began our biotic exercises. Hours later without any breaks some of us were near collapsing from exhaustion. Rahna was one of them."

"The girl from Turkey that you liked?"

Kaidan nodded. "Yes. She nearly dropped the block she was exercising with, but I managed to catch it for her. Unfortunately Vyrnnus noticed. He congratulated me on my catch and then taunted Rahna with a glass of water floating in front of her face, asking if she was thirsty. She confirmed that she was and he told her to take the glass. She reached for the water with her hand instead of pulling it biotically and Vyrnnus broke her arm. He broke her arm because she wanted a swallow of water." A hint of anger crept into his voice.

He fell silent for a moment, gathering himself. "Like an idiot, I stood up, didn't know what I was going to do, just _something_. And Vyrnnus beat the crap out of me. He kept shouting that humans were pathetic and they should've bombed us back to the Stone Age when they had the chance. _That's_ when the knife came up. A military-issue Talon, right in my face." His hand moved up to touch the scar on his lip. "I … cut loose. Full biotic kick, right in the teeth, almost as strong as I can manage today. At seventeen that's something."

"It was self-defense, Kaidan. And you were trying to protect a girl you cared for. That's a noble thing," Nick remarked.

"My intentions may have been noble, but I lost control. I … I killed him, Shepard. Snapped his neck." He looked away briefly. "Maybe they could've saved him if they had gotten him to an infirmary fast enough, but they didn't. The whole thing caused quite a stir. BAaT was shut down and Conatix folded a few years later." He let out a small huff. "It's funny, I'm not sure which of us got the worse of what happened."

"What about Rahna?" Nick wondered out loud. "Was she all right?"

"Rahna? Yeah, she was fine. We, uh, we didn't speak much after that anymore." Kaidan stared at his empty mug.

"Are you kidding? After you almost got killed for her?" Shepard sat up straight in her chair, disbelief in her voice.

"Rahna had a gentle heart, she loved everyone and Vyrnnus terrified her. We all protected her from him, everyone who … loved her. After what I did to him, she was terrified of me, too."

"Well, then she was full of shit. And I'm surprised you don't hold a grudge towards turians after the crap you had to take from Vyrnnus," Nick told him.

"Why would I? I hated Vyrnnus, yes, but he was only one turian. Just because one's an ass doesn't mean they all are." He gave her a confused look.

"You're right, but this explains a lot about you. It's the reason you're so controlled."

"I'm not any more disciplined than any other biotic in the Alliance. Anyway, it's ancient history. I'm over it."

"Bull, Kaidan." Nick snorted, turning to face him fully. He glanced at her in wonder. "Sometimes you're wound tighter than a clock. You agonize over doing the right thing and never let yourself lose control, all because a girl spurned you after Vyrnnus died."

Her tone of voice left no room for any argument. He didn't answer right away, but kept looking into those stormy eyes. At last he sighed. "Maybe you're right. But don't worry about me; fully functional human being. I won't be a burden on you, uh, on the crew."

Nick set her mug down violently. "Dammit, Kaidan! You are not a burden! Not on me, not on the crew. Now stop thinking less of yourself just because you talked about this. You are a strong man, one of the best soldiers I know and definitely the strongest biotic I've met so far." She reached out with her hand, tilting up his chin so he looked at her. He felt his heart race at the gentle, but firm touch. "Talking about this doesn't make you weak, or a whiner, or immature. It makes you human."

* * *

Shepard listened to Kaidan and Garrus discussing which omni-tool was most effective at priming tech grenades. Again. She could have sworn it was the same thing they had talked about the evening before too. The only difference was that Tali had taken part in the discussion then. As far as Nick could tell Garrus had decided to pick sides with Tali, while Kaidan continued to defend his choice. Personally, she didn't agree with either of them.

Now, they were standing next to the Mako waiting for her to gear up. Nick had been held up in the CIC on her way down to the cargo hold and by the time she arrived there Kaidan and Garrus were already done. Nick was fairly certain though that omni-tools hadn't been their topic of conversation earlier as she had seen Ashley talking to them as the elevator doors opened. Ash had looked at her over her shoulder, grinned and walked towards the weapons bench.

At least, Nick thought as she stripped down to her skivvies, Ash seems to have loosened up around Garrus now as well. Or maybe it was because Kaidan was there as well. Nick knew that Kaidan and Ashley were close. She teased him something terrible at the dinner table and their squabbling reminded Nick of her cousins. Anyway, she was glad to see that Ashley didn't keep her distance from Garrus anymore but talked to him as well. It sure had taken long enough.

She was tightening the last strap on her armor when Kaidan approached her. Wordlessly she turned around, letting him run his hands over the seams of her armor. She closed her eyes, wishing his hands would run over her like that without the armor. _Stop it, Shepard!_

The quick double-pat brought her back to reality, as did Kaidan's husky voice.

"All clear, Commander."

They climbed into the Mako, taking up their preferred seats. Although Garrus grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, "Why can't Alenko drive for a change?".

Nick shot him a mock glare. "I _heard_ that, Vakarian."

"I certainly hope so," Garrus shot back.

They strapped in and prepared for the drop. As soon as they were settled Shepard gave Joker the order to open the cargo hold.

The topography of Ontarom made Shepard hoot with joy. It was mountainous terrain and she loved the challenge of maneuvering up and down the steep slopes. Kaidan gave her a quick rundown on the position of their main target as well as some anomalies that could be worth checking out.

"Can we please avoid those slopes as much as possible?" Garrus asked.

"Geez, Garrus! Stop whining. I won't break your precious Mako!" Nick told him as she accelerated the Mako, making it lurch as she enthusiastically drove it over a ground wave.

A while later they stood next to the Mako staring across a ravine onto the underground facility. Shepard had pulled her sniper rifle and was peering through the scope. Garrus had done the same and she signaled him to move further towards nine o'clock. Then she turned to Kaidan.

"Alenko, there's a spare sniper rifle in the Mako. Grab it."

Kaidan suppressed a groan. "I'm really bad at this, Commander."

"Just aim at the crates, eliminating their possibilities of going into cover. You can do that, it's not like crates are moving targets. Garrrus and I will take care of those. And don't worry, you'll have ample opportunity to shine once we get inside that bunker." She grinned at him. The grin grew even wider as she watched him climb back into the Mako. When he reappeared with the sniper rifle she patted his back encouragingly.

They dropped to the ground and crept forward until they were in a good position to pick their targets. Kaidan did what Shepard had suggested – he just shot at the crates until they crumpled. It had been a long time since he last shot with a sniper rifle. Garrus and Shepard on the other hand had obviously begun a competition for the most head-shots. Kaidan couldn't help but grin when Nick extended her lead.

Kaidan tried to remember everything he had ever learned about shooting with a sniper rifle and when he actually hit a hostile he felt a thrill run through him. That it was a lucky shot didn't matter and that Shepard turned to look at him with a wide grin and gave him a thumbs up made it even better.

As soon as their HUDs showed no further hostile activity on the outside of the facility Shepard signaled them to mount the Mako.

A short time later she brought the Mako to a halt in front of the entrance to the underground facility. They disembarked and readied their weapons. Kaidan felt much more at ease with his pistol in hand, even if he had to admit there as a certain thrill to sniping.

The antechamber was empty apart from the body of a scientist laying on the floor. They continued into a passage leading into a large chamber. Kaidan flashed out his omni-tool, scanning the area quickly. Eight tangos, he let them know using hand signals. Nick and Garrus nodded.

The door slid open and they carefully entered the large room, taking cover behind a large pillar. Nick motioned at Garrus to go to the other corner of the pillar and peaked carefully around hers. There! She had a visual. She glanced over to Garrus who looked back at her and shook his head. He didn't have a clear shot. She glanced at Kaidan, who had his omni-tool ready and a primed grenade in his hands. She signaled both to be prepared to move up.

Nick pulled her sniper rifle and scoped the mercenary she had in sight. She had no sooner fired when hell broke loose around them. The mercenaries put up a lot of resistance. They were obviously no beginners and they well equipped. Their weapons were powerful, as were their armor and shields.

The combination of Kaidan's and Garrus's tech skills were a definite asset for them, as they had a fair chance of Overloading hostile shields and Sabotaging their weapons. What made things more difficult were the two krogan. One of the krogan came charging at the only to be Thrown back forcefully. As the krogan mercenary landed on the ground Nick saw Kaidan's omni-tool flash again as he issued a Neural Shock.

Garrus' assault rifle barked as he engaged with several mercenaries. Nick picked off a two of the mercenaries fighting Garrus with her sniper rifle before becoming aware that several mercs intended to flank them. Kaidan had also noticed them and suddenly the three mercenaries found themselves Lifted off the floor as he tossed an Overload in their midst. The only one not killed by this combination was the krogan, but Nick didn't give him any chance of recovery as she pulled her shotgun and fired.

There were two more hostiles left, but they were holed up in the back of the room, forcing Shepard and her squad to leave their cover. Apprehensively they moved on. Nick felt the fine hair on her neck stand on end. This tasted oddly of a sniper waiting to get them in his sight.

Sudden movement at two o'clock got their attention as did the grenade sailing through the air. Nick and her squad scattered. She rolled behind a crate and then heard the sound of a pistol being fired in rapid succession. Apparently her lieutenant had just dispatched one of two missing tangos. At least she hoped it was him. She quickly powered up her HUD to check the vitals of her squad. Kaidan's shield were low, but his health was intact. The same went for Garrus.

Nick peered around the box she was hiding behind and noticed a shadow behind some other crates. She pulled a grenade from her belt. _So that's where you're hiding, you bastard!_

A short time later the sniper was also accounted for and they continued to move through the facility. As the door leading to the left was locked they headed right. Weapons ready, Shepard punched the door panel to open the door and they stepped inside the room only to see a scientist being held at gun point by a mercenary.

The mercenary turned his head a fraction towards them. "Stay back! I've no grief with you! All I want is this bastard!"

"Please," the scientist begged. "He's a madman! Mr. Toombs, you're insane, you need help!"

Kaidan saw Shepard twitch at the name Toombs and she stepped carefully forward, trying to look the mercenary in the face.

The man kept his pistol trained on the scientist. "Shut up! You don't get to lie! You don't ... " his voice trailed off and he turned his head towards Shepard again, eyes going wide. "Shepard? My God, Shepard, is that you?"

"Corporal Toombs?" Shepard's voice shook slightly. There was a note of horror in her voice that Kaidan hadn't heard before. "No. No, it can't be. I saw you die on Akuze. I saw the maw pull you under! How … how did you get here?"

"They took me, Shepard. The scientists."

The scientist Toombs was holding at gun point called out, "You can't prove any of this! You're delusional!"

The scientist didn't deny the involvement, he just claimed they couldn't prove anything, Kaidan realized instantly and felt sick to his stomach. He exchanged a quick glance with Garrus and saw the turian's mandibles twitching.

Toombs looked squarely at Shepard. "See, they were running tests on the thresher maws. They let that thing hit us just to watch and study! I woke up in a holding cell, Shepard. The scientists were delighted I'd survived. Now they had a test subject."

"What did they do to you, Toombs?" Now the shaking was more evident in her voice, but it was shaking with rage. Kaidan saw her clenching her fists at her side.

"They wanted to see the effect of thresher maw acid on humans if it got into our circulatory system. They're part of some secret organization called Cerberus."

"You can't believe Toombs! I demand a fair trial, he doesn't have any proof!" the scientist interrupted again.

Both Shepard and Toombs snarled at him to shut up.

"This man deserves to die, Shepard. For you, for me, for everyone else in the unit. Are you with me?"

"You're better than this, Toombs. Not like them. They lost their path, but you are still a soldier."

"Don't tell me who I am!" Toombs growled at Shepard. "You got away with a few scratches and a scary reputation. The rest of the unit died and I was tortured for years, Shepard! You can't judge me, you don't have the right."

Shepard took another step forward. Her voice was firm as she tried to convince the corporal that shooting Dr. Wayne would not bring the relief he was hoping for. Appealing to his honor as an Alliance marine she tried to show him what set him apart from those that had gone rogue. Slowly Toombs' conviction wavered.

"Toombs, I can arrest him and see to it that he is put under trial. And we have more evidence about Cerberus yet." Then her voice turned hard, "And I promise you, if he tries to escape or weasel his way out of this I will shoot him myself."

The corporal nodded and slowly lowered his weapon. Dr. Wayne on the other had bristled with indignation. "You can't do this! You have no idea what you are up against!"

"Watch. Me," Shepard growled. "I'm a Spectre, I can do whatever the hell I deem necessary."

She returned her attention to Toombs, who was turning the pistol back and forth idly in his hands with a thoughtful expression. After a few seconds he started speaking in a hushed voice.

"On the vids everyone says you're the Sole Survivor of Akuze," he looked up at her and there was no gleam in his eyes. They were haunted, dull, devoid of any life. "Who am I to deny them that?"

Nick's eyes widened in sudden dread and she shook her head vehemently. "No, Toombs, don't ... "

She lunged at the corporal, but it was too late. In a swift movement he put the muzzle of his pistol in his mouth and pulled the trigger.


	20. Port Hanshan

Chapter 20. Port Hanshan

After they returned to the Normandy Shepard marched to the weapons bench and began dismantling her equipment without saying a word. She remained just as silent while she stripped out of her armor. Kaidan and Garrus shared a glance, both keeping just as silent as the Commander. Kaidan found it quite obvious that Shepard did not wish to talk to anybody just now and apparently Garrus agreed. It became even more evident when she wordlessly headed to the elevator, not heeding anybody present.

As soon as the elevator door closed, Ashley came over to Kaidan and Garrus.

“What the hell is wrong with the Skipper?” she asked in a low voice.

“The mission went kind of FUBAR at the end,” Kaidan told her just as quietly. “Short version: Shepard just found out that she wasn't the only survivor of Akuze, and that her team mate has been imprisoned the last few years by Cerberus and used as a human guinea pig. To top it off she just had to watch as he shot himself.”

“Fuck,” Ashley whispered. Both Kaidan and Garrus nodded.

 _Fuck indeed_ , Kaidan thought.

About an hour later, after Kaidan had showered, written his mission report and grabbed a bite to eat, he headed down to engineering. He had been working on a hacking program with Tali the past week and now he had an idea how to deal with a glitch they had run into.

When he stepped out of the elevator his mind was instantly taken off of the hacking program. At the far end of the cargo hold he could see Shepard trying to beat the crap out of the punching bag. Her hair that was usually done neatly in a regulation bun during the day was now a loose mess. She was hitting the bag with an alarming force.

Kaidan registered that everyone was keeping as much distance to Shepard as possible. He walked over to Ashley, Garrus and Wrex, who were all standing close to the elevator.

“How long has she been doing that?” Kaidan inquired.

“Almost an hour,” Ashley answered. “And I don't think she's slowed down or that her punches have gotten any weaker since she started pummeling that thing.” She looked at him sharply as he turned around. “LT? What are you up to? You're not going to go talk to her, are you?”

Kaidan shrugged, but didn't answer. He walked over to the makeshift gym they had set up and watch her for a moment yet.

“Are you all right, Commander?” he asked and could have kicked himself the moment the words left his mouth. Nick kicked the punching bag with a mawashi-geri and then spun round to face him, eyes blazing.

“I just found out a friend whom I'd thought to be dead was alive yet but had been tortured the past five years and then I had to watch him shoot himself in front of my eyes. How the goddamn _fuck_ do you think I feel, Alenko?” She gave the bag another vicious kick, followed by a quick succession of punches. “I.” _Punch!_ “Am.” _Punch!_ “Doing.” _Punch!_ “Bloody brilliant!” She nearly shouted the last words at him as she came to stand in front of him, breathing hard.

“Yes, ma'am,” he answered with a short nod. He turned around and walked towards engineering, cursing himself. _Great, Alenko, couldn't keep your trap shut, could you?_

* * *

_She was walking back to the hotel with several other Alliance soldiers. All slightly intoxicated and leaning on each other, singing some songs back from the twentieth century at the top of their lings. The sound of an assault rifle grabbed their attention but it took them longer than she remembered to react. All of a sudden she was surrounded by batarians and mercenaries trying to rip her clothes off._

No. This didn't happen.

_She glanced down only to see she had the body of a young teenaged girl. Then the head of the merc leader exploded and sprayed her with blood, bits of brain and bone. The other mercenaries scattered and she felt the ground shaking._

No. Not again.

_The mercs turned into her old unit and they all scrambled in various directions when an enormous thresher maw burst out of the ground. It was dark and they stumbled over their sleeping bags in order to get to their weapons and into their armor. The first attack of the maw killed six of her team mates instantly. They fought back as good as they could, but there wasn't enough cover for all. And every wound they dealt seem to make the maw even deadlier._

_The air was heavy with the coppery smell of blood and the sweetish stench of rotting flesh as the maw acid disintegrated flesh and bones, melting them away. She heard the screams of pain fading away to whimpers but all she could do was run. Run away and fight from a distance. She clambered into the Grizzly, praying it would start. It didn't. She remembered the fear threatening to freeze her and she grabbed a grenade launcher and scuttled back outside using the vehicle as cover. She saw Corporal Toombs being pulled underground._

No. Enough.

_She was in a holding cell that smelled strongly of antiseptics, strapped to a bed, wearing nothing but a hospital gown. A scientist wearing the Cerberus logo appeared in her view tapping his finger against a syringe filled with an unknown substance. She felt a scream build up in her throat as she felt the needle penetrate her skin and her blood burning like acid in her veins._

NO!

Nick woke up thrashing. It took her a moment to register that she was in her cabin, not in a holding cell. There were no Cerberus doctors experimenting on her. She was not Toombs and hadn’t lived in a nightmare for five years. She hadn't been the one in the holding cell or the one the mercenaries on Elysium had attempted to rape.

Memories of the evening after returning from Ontarom swept over her. The tension she had felt, the need to punch something. How everyone had given her a wide berth. Everyone except Kaidan. She remembered Kaidan asking her if she was all right and how she had bitten his head off because of that one question. She had watched him walk away and felt annoyed. Mostly at herself. She knew he just wanted to help and she had seen in his expression that he wanted to take the question back and rephrase it the moment it left his mouth. She had groaned and given the punching bag another hit, making it sway dangerously. She had been done with the day. Now, she was fairly certain her night was done as well.

_Screw it._

She pulled on her N7 sweats and had stepped into the mess when she heard a sound from the galley. Given the time there weren't that many people who would fix something to eat now. Her stomach turned into a big knot. _What if he was upset about her reacting so poorly earlier?_

“Shepard,” Kaidan said in a low voice. “Did you have another nightmare?”

Leave it to her lieutenant to jump to the correct conclusion right away. She nodded. _Tonight_ , she decided, _tonight I will tell him about the Blitz to start off with_. She watched him put a sachet of tea into her mug and fill it up with hot water. _Always the medic._

“I've been dreaming about Elysium, mostly. I had been there four days when the attack came. I was on shore leave, you know.” She glanced at him again and saw him nod. “The attack came in the early hours, when the whole colony was sleepy. I was on the way back to the hotel from a bar when I heard the sound of rifle fire. There were plenty of Alliance soldiers on leave and before that I never realized just how deep the reflexes we learned in boot camp were. Most of us weren't sober anymore, but the moment we heard the gunfire we started ordering the civilians to get to their homes and to get their families into safety. Those that were old enough helped with the defense.”

“But, there were just too many pirates and batarians. They must have thrown almost everything at that colony. And somewhere along the line they managed to break through. We had been holding almost a day when they breached the defenses. Then things started getting nasty,” she drew a shivering breath.

Why was she telling Kaidan this? _Because you can, that's why_.

“Suddenly, they were _everywhere_ and the batarians started grabbing people for their slavers; men, women, children. Then this guy turned up, bringing weapons and ammo. He had an old sniper rifle and I remember yelling at him to give me the damn thing and he said, ‘ _Girl, leave it to the pros_ ' and I shoved my dog tags in his face and told him I was a fucking pro. Never mind that I was just a Service Chief at the time. He gave me the bloody rifle and I started picking my targets. First I chose a group of half a dozen mercs that wanted to rape this young girl who was, I don't know, maybe thirteen? A perfect head shot killed the first merc to pull down his pants. The others scattered, but I got them all. Every. Single. One. The girl ran away. She must have been terrified. And being covered in brains isn't exactly pleasant either, but better than the alternative.”

Her voice was flat and emotionless as she told him the details she remembered. She closed her eyes. When she opened them again he could see tears shining in them. Her voice cracked, “Then this little boy … this boy came running down the road. He set off a proximity mine. It … tore him to shreds.”

She wiped away the tears quickly and resumed, “I was lucky. I had high ground, ample cover and a good view. Most importantly, they couldn't flank me _and_ they had to pass my position. Perfect sniping conditions. If that hadn't been the case I don't think I'd be here now. While I held the breach some civilians saw to it that there were enough supplies. I didn't leave that spot for eighteen hours. Eighteen hours, Kaidan. I'm not sure when the SSV Agincourt arrived, but it took the Alliance almost a day to get enough boots on the ground to repel the ground assault. By then I hadn't slept in nearly three days. I was so tired, so very tired.”

She fell silent, taking another swallow of tea. “Sorry Kaidan, I didn't want to lay that all on you. And I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. You didn't deserve that.”

Kaidan's answer was soft, “You don't have to apologize. It was a stupid question. Have you been dreaming about Elysium a lot lately?”

“Yes. Every night since shooting Haliat. You know, I wish I hadn't. I wish I had left him laying there on that barren planet screaming for water in agony while dying a slow, painful death. But that's not me, so I shot him.” She looked straight at him and he saw how haunted her gaze was.

“It was the right call. I'm sure of it,” Kaidan told her firmly. He wished he could hold her, comfort her.

“In my head I know it was, Kaidan. But in my heart?” She shook her head slowly. “And when the dreams mingle, when I dream of Elysium and Akuze and Eden Prime and now … now about a former team mate being tortured for years by Cerberus – those are the nights I can't go back to sleep.”

“Like tonight?” His voice was low and sent shivers down her spine.

She glanced down at her bare feet, suddenly wondering what he thought of her purple nail polish. _Where had that thought come from?_

She cleared her throat. “Yeah. Like tonight.”

Kaidan looked at her intently. “It's almost 0400. Not much sense in going back to sleep now. If you want I'll keep you company.”

“I'd like that a lot.”

_What the hell are you doing, Shepard?_

* * *

The next few weeks were busy. Shepard had decided they look into some of the data they had found on Feros, leading them into the Maroon Sea and to more encounters with Thorian Creepers at ExoGeni research facilities on Nodacrux and husks on Chasca.

Kaidan wasn't sure which one had been worse. Probably Nodacrux. Not because of the Creepers but because of the ExoGeni scientists trying to bribe Shepard. Naturally, she hadn't accepted. She had listened and then smiled a sticky-sweet smile that Kaidan had come to recognize as a sign of warning. It was a smile you never wanted to see directed at you as it meant she was close to stuffing a grenade in your face. Of course Dr. Ross, the leading ExoGeni scientist at the facility, didn't know that. The doctor had almost lost it when Shepard smiled and said, “I can't do that.” and ordered to attack them. Stupid. Garrus, Shepard and he hadn't had much trouble against them.

Then again, Chasca had been full of husks. The thought alone made Kaidan's skin crawl. He remembered commenting that he had a bad feeling about the lack of people as they approached the first civilian structure. Upon entering the building they were swarmed by husks. Kaidan had been more than happy that Wrex had been part of the shore party and that he hadn't been the only biotic. In the end their findings at the science facility had only confirmed what they had feared after the encounter with the husks – that the whole colony had been transformed.

Now they were almost at Noveria, and Joker had let them know that their estimated ETA was less than an hour.

_Noveria._

All Kaidan knew about Noveria was that it was cold and that it was a corporate research colony outside of Citadel Space. The research done there was usually considered too dangerous or controversial to be done anywhere else. The question was what interest the geth could possibly have in the corporate research colony.

He glanced over at the mess table where Shepard was sitting hunched over heap of data pads, the tray standing next to her only insignificantly depleted. He cast a careful look around the room and found it mostly empty. They had been flirting more and more whenever there was a chance. It was … he wasn't exactly sure what it was. He walked over to the table.

“Are you going to eat that yet?” he asked, jutting his chin towards the tray. Nick just pushed the tray towards him. Kaidan raised an eyebrow. “Now you've almost got me worried, Commander. Maybe I should inform the doctor that you aren't feeling well.”

This earned a glare. “Alenko.”

Completely unfazed he continued, “If Commander ‘Touch-My-Food-And-I-Will-End-You-Painfully’ Shepard willingly gives up something to eat she must be sick.”

“Maybe I just want to make sure that my lieutenant doesn't suddenly have a weak spell,” she shot back with a twinkle in her eye.

“That would be tragic indeed.” He grinned at her. At the sound of steps drawing near he dropped the teasing. Instead he snapped a finger against the data pad in her hand. “Take a break from those things, Shepard. Eat. If I'm not mistaken we should reach Noveria soon.”

Then he stepped away and went to his workstation in the helm, feeling her eyes on him as he rounded the corner. He was certain that he would catch her watching him if he looked back. A slow grin spread on his face.

Half an hour later Shepard, Ashley and Garrus joined him and Joker as they watched the approach on Noveria.

“Approach Control, this is SSV Normandy. Requesting a vector and a berth,” Joker radioed the Traffic Control Center.

“ _SSV Normandy, your arrival is not scheduled. Our defense grid is armed and tracking you. State your business_.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow and noticed Shepard lean forward a bit, pursing her mouth ever so slightly.

Ashley muttered an audible, “What the hell?”

Joker glanced at Shepard and she nodded.

“Citadel business. We've got a Council Spectre aboard.” Given the grin on Joker's face Kaidan would have bet a large amount of credits that the snarky pilot had been waiting to be able to say that.

There was a short silence from the other end. Finally an irate voice answered, “ _Landing access granted. Be advised: we will be confirming your identification upon arrival. If confirmation cannot be established your vessel will be impounded!_ "

“What a fun bunch!” Joker commented sarcastically. “I think I'll spend my next shore leave here.”

Shepard shook her head and grinned, patting the pilot on his shoulder as she turned away. She indicated Kaidan and Garrus to come with her and headed down to the cargo hold to suit up.

A short while later they found themselves in Port Hanshan, confronted by the local security chief, Maeko Matsuo, and several of her people.

“We're not here to cause trouble, but I am on important business,” Shepard stated firmly.

The security chief seem unimpressed. “This is an unscheduled arrival. We will need your credentials.”

Nick raised her eyebrows slighlty. “I am Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy. And a Spectre.”

“Load of horsecrap, ma'am,” the woman to Maeko's left spoke up. “And the next Navy vessel isn't due for two weeks.”

“I can't let you enter the port area without confirmation of your identity. Also, I must advise you that firearms are not permitted on Noveria,” Matsuo said and then turned to the blonde woman. “Sergeant Stirling, secure their weapons!”

Shepard had her weapon drawn in the blink of an eye and Kaidan and Garrus followed shortly behind. Kaidan was fairly certain that Shepard would have complied to Matsuo much easier if it weren't for her sergeant. Something bothered him about that woman, but he couldn't put a finger on what it was. And judging from Shepard's reaction to the sergeant she felt the same. Garrus, he noted, also had his weapon trained on Stirling rather than on Matsuo.

“I am a _Spectre_ ,” Shepard said slowly, stressing every word. “I have a mission to accomplish here and I will not hand over my weapons!”

“We are allowed to use lethal force. You have until the count of three,” Matsuo retorted with a hard voice.

“Citadel jurisdiction supersedes yours,” Garrus said.

Kaidan hoped the turian was right. He couldn't help but think the sergeant didn't care. She had a look in her eye that reminded him of Vyrnnus. Arrogant, used to bullying people and absolutely ruthless.

“One … two … thr ...”

“ _Captain Matsuo, stand down! We've confirmed their identity. Spectres are authorized to carry weapons here!”_ "A voice boomed through loudspeakers.

Nick relaxed and holstered her firearm, as did everybody else.

“You may proceed, Spectre. I hope the rest of your stay is less confrontational. Parasini-san will meet you upstairs,” Matsuo said before letting them pass.

They headed through an open door and up a flight of steps, only to trigger some kind of alarm at the top of the stairway. A woman greeted them, explaining the cameras were weapon detectors and they needn't worry about them. Then she introduced herself as Gianna Parasini, assistant to Administrator Anoleis, and apologized for the incident in the docking bay.

Shepard couldn't resist a biting remark, but wiped her own comment aside with a swipe of her hand. She asked a few questions concerning the port and any unusual activity. Neither of them could hide their surprise when they heard Lady Benezia had passed through only a few days prior.

“I need to speak to her,” Shepard stated.

“Benezia left for the Peak 15 research complex days ago,” Parasini replied. “To my knowledge she is still there.”

“Then that's where I have to be. How do I get there?” Shepard inquired.

They learned that it required clearance from the administrator to leave the port. Nick let out a small sigh of frustration and asked where to find Anoleis.

“Commander, maybe we should let Liara know Benezia is here. It is her mother, after all,” Kaidan said to her quietly as they walked towards the elevator.

Nick nodded her head. “Yes, we should. But first we figure out how to get away from this place. When we've done that then I'll talk to Liara.”

The Administrator turned out to be an unpleasant, arrogant salarian. Kaidan couldn't help but admire Shepard for her calm as she dealt with Anoleis. He felt the same … uneasiness … that had surged through him while encountering Sergeant Stirling. But, they didn't get the clearance they needed. Shepard was clenching her fists as they left the Administrator's office, he noted.

As they passed Parasini's desk she called out to them in a quiet, but urgent, voice. After a quick look over her shoulder she told them to meet with Lorik Qui'in, the manager of Synthetic Insights. And, more importantly, another option in order to gain the garage pass needed to leave the port. Parasini hinted they would more than likely find the turian businessman at the bar of the Port Hanshan Hotel.

“Where else to find a businessman than at the bar at midday?” Shepard commented quietly as they made their way through Port Hanshan, sarcasm dripping from her voice.

Of course Lorik Qui'in asked Shepard to do a favor. Apparently he had proof Anoleis was corrupt, but the Adminstrator had found out and in turn was accusing Qui'in. Now he wanted them to go to his office at Synthetic Insights and acquire the incriminating data about Anoleis from his terminal.

“As soon as we've finished this we're heading to the bar ourselves,” Shepard told Kaidan and Garrus as they walked back to the elevator. “This place calls for a stiff drink.”

* * *

A while later Kaidan found himself sitting in the lounge of the Port Hanshan Hotel with Shepard. Alone. She had sent Garrus back to the Normandy after buying him a drink. Garrus looked a little disappointed, but accepted her explanation that she wanted as many biotics as possible when going up against Asari Commandos.

“And,” she added, “Kaidan is right. Liara should be there when we confront her mother. I don't know if it will change the outcome, but she is our trump card.”

After Garrus left she opened her omni-tool and called Liara, asking the asari to come meet them.

“I feel kind of bad calling Liara our trump card,” she admitted after she disconnected the call. “But, let's face it, at the moment that's what she is. I know for sure if my mom went rogue and I was with the people ordered to bring her in, I'd want to be there when it happens. Even if it's just a chance to talk to her one last time.”

“It's the right thing to do, Commander,” Kaidan answered.

Nick scowled at him. “Alenko, I swear to fucking God, if you don't stop calling me Commander when we are alone I will punch you. There is nobody from the ship here right now. What's supposed to happen? Loosen up, Kaidan.”

He looked at her intently, not quite sure what to say; he whispered her name. Her eyes widen in response and he watched as her tongue darted out to moisten her lips. This was slowly becoming torture.

_Come on, Alenko, say something! Shepard just said it, you're alone with her right now. Just … say something, anything!_

“Uh.” He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced to the side before looking back at Nick, only to see her leaning forward expectantly. _Shit_. He felt completely tongue-tied. “Where did you learn to drive the Mako? I … I mean, you grew up as a spacer. I … damn it.” _Pathetic, Alenko! You better hope Ash and Joker never find out or you'll never hear the end of it._

“Really, Kaidan?” Nick laughed quietly. She had had her glass raised to her lips, but now she lowered it again to grin at him. “But to answer your question, I learned to drive it in Basic. Why, did you learn it somewhere else?” She lifted her glass to her mouth again, never taking her eyes off him.

“No! I guess I meant, did you have a driver's license for another vehicle before already? Just … forget I asked, Shepard.” He felt like sinking into the ground. Where else was she supposed to have learned to drive the Mako? He felt himself blushing. How could it be that he had little trouble flirting with her on the Normandy, but couldn't think of anything intelligent to say now? “I don't think I've ever met a woman like you, Shepard. You turn me into a bumbling idiot.”

“It's cute.”

“Cute? Ow, I think that hurts my manly pride.” He gave her his typical lop-sided smirk. “No, seriously Shepard, I hope we'll get through this soon. I'm ready for some shore leave.”

Nick leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her body. “Shore leave, huh? Just know I'll be tracking it very closely, Mister.”

“And I thought maybe our shore leave could be joint.”

 _God, did he really just say that?_ He saw a flicker of surprise light up Shepard's face, only to be replaced by a wide smile, bright as a thousand suns.

“I like the sound of that,” she whispered after a short moment.

He was just about to respond when he saw Liara walking into the bar, looking around in search of them. “Shepard,” he said simply, tilting his head towards the door. Nick glanced over her shoulder and gave him an almost apologetic smile.

“We'll … continue this later,” she murmured, her eyes shining.

 _Yes_ , he thought, _I'd like that_.


	21. Peak 15

Chapter 21. Peak 15

 

It turned out that the Asari Commandos accompanying Lady Benezia had been carrying sealed crates. And these crates had been packed with geth. Nick failed to be surprised. Annoyed, yes. Surprised? Not really. This whole place was just fucked up.

On the other hand, the security captain Maeko Matsuo had been genuinely surprised when Nick confronted her with the fact that geth had attacked them by pointing at the remains of the geth they had destroyed in the garage. The poor woman had been out of her element as soon as Kaidan dropped the remains of a geth trooper in front of her to emphasize Shepard's statement.

Matsuo had left muttering that she had to inform the Executive board, so there was no investor panic if word about the geth got out, so Nick and her team headed to one of the Makos parked in the garage.

“Liara.” Shepard turned to the asari. “Do you have any idea how to use the cannon on this baby?”

“No, I've never used one before.”

Shepard nodded slowly. “But you can keep an eye on the instruments, right?”

“Of course. I can do that.”

“Good. Alenko will give you a short run-down.” Nick turned to Kaidan with another apologetic smile. “You feel up to manning the mass accelerator cannon, Lieutenant?”

He just arched an eyebrow. “Any reason I shouldn't, Commander?”

She wasn't sure if he did it on purpose, but his voice was low and raspy. It shot straight to her core. She swallowed. She was almost sure this was his revenge for her laughing at him after his blundering for something to talk about at the bar. “No, of course not. Right. So, Alenko – weapons, Liara – life support, me – driver's seat. Lieutenant, show Liara the basics, will you?”

Nick quickly scrambled into the Mako, feeling very aware of Kaidan's gaze following her. She heard the other two climb in as well and listened to Kaidan quietly explaining the different instruments to Liara. Liara seemed to understand quickly and Nick turned around in her seat just in time to see Kaidan climb into the slightly elevated seat of the mounted cannon.

As soon as he was settled Shepard drove the vehicle out of the garage. Outside, the ongoing blizzard hit the Mako full-force. Nick swore under her breath at the less-than-good visibility conditions. And it was icy. The Mako slithered and slid around the first corner she took with it, but she had driven in worse conditions.

_She could handle this._

She wasn't quite sure though if she meant the driving conditions or her inner turmoil with _this._

Shepard accelerated again, driving through the Aleutsk Valley as fast as she could given the circumstances. They managed to get through the valley at a fairly good rate despite some geth resistance. After several tunnels guarded by geth, a geth armature and a number of geth turrets they reached the garage of the Peak 15 research facility and disembarked the Mako.

They had no sooner entered the garage when the HUDs in their helmets lit up like a Christmas trees.

“Liara,” Shepard said as her hand hovered over the door panel. “I sure hope you can fight. Because if you just sit there like on Therum we might be in trouble.”

“I can fight,” Liara reassured her.

Shepard nodded in response. She glanced at Kaidan quickly and then hit the door panel when she saw he had his pistol in his hands already. 

They quickly went into cover. Nick whipped out her sniper rifle at the same time that Kaidan readied a tech attack. She cast a quick glance around the corner of the pillar and spotted a Geth Juggernaut. Out of the corner of her eye she perceived a movement and realized Kaidan had tossed the primed tech grenade. Shepard fired her first shot just as Kaidan set off his grenade, Overloading the Juggernaut's shields.

A number of Geth Repair Drones zoomed towards their position, but Liara caught them neatly in a Singularity. Nick ordered Kaidan to change his focus away from the Juggernaut and take out the Drones while she took another shot at the Juggernaut and Liara's biotics were recharging. Luckily his omni-tool had cooled down and was ready to prime the next grenade. Shepard couldn't help but admire the ease with which he cast another Overload in the center of Liara's Singularity, causing a decent-sized explosion. At any rate, the drones were taken care of.

Unfortunately a Geth Destroyer followed in their wake, but the combination of Kaidan's tech attacks, and his and Liara's biotics helped to take it down quickly.

As the smoke from the explosion cleared Nick scoped out the far end of the room. She frowned when she identified the two remaining hostiles as krogan. _Well_ , she thought, _Kaidan, Wrex and I took out three on Feros._

Both Kaidan and Liara had moved up, but not far. They were just ahead of her. Nick peered through her scope again and took the shot. There was a reddish flash from Kaidan's position and she knew he had thrown a Neural Shock at the krogan.

Liara glowed in a bright blue as her biotics flared around her, Warping one of the krogan. Unfortunately, they still didn't fall. Quite contrary, the krogan closest to them charged. 

“Damn redundant nervous systems.” Nick heard Kaidan mutter as he Threw the charging krogan back and fired his pistol repeatedly. She couldn't help but stare at him as blue waves of biotics rippled over his body.

Nick shook herself. This was _not_ the time to get distracted by her lieutenant. She quickly lined up another shot and this time the krogan didn't move anymore.

 _One to go_.

The second krogan had taken cover behind a pillar and showed no intention of leaving that spot. Nick frowned again. There was no way she could get a shot on him. They had to draw him out. She signaled to Kaidan to flank the krogan on the right, she would take the left and Liara could stay where she was. The asari should have him in her sight as soon as the krogan left cover, no matter which side he chose.

Kaidan jumped over the box he had been crouching behind and sprinted off towards the right, skidding to a halt behind another crate. The krogan reacted promptly and began firing at him, but he didn't leave his position.

_Damn it._

Nick had hoped the krogan would be drawn out, but he stayed in cover. She moved to the next pillar and then quickly slid behind a box off towards two o'clock, finding herself shoulder to shoulder with Liara. With a slight feeling of trepidation she noticed the flaw in her plan. Sending Kaidan on the right flank had exposed him to the krogan. She bit her lip.

 _Damnitdamnitdamnit_.

All she could do was watch as the lieutenant used every pause in the krogan's actions to retaliate, his omni-tool flashing orange, creating an eerie light combined with the flickering blue of his biotics.

“Liara, move up and help Kaidan,” she ordered.

Liara glanced at her quickly before running off to his position. Nick holstered her sniper rifle. It was useless at this point. Instead she pulled her shotgun and left her cover, sprinting towards the staircase leading to a mezzanine. As she ran she saw both Kaidan and Liara glow in a tell-tale blue.

Much to her chagrin another red dot appeared in her HUD on the next level. Nevertheless she ran up the first six steps and fired her shotgun at the krogan from close range. He didn't get up again. Taking a deep breath Nick moved further up the stairway, always staying in cover behind the banisters. When she reached the top she quickly glanced around the corner only to see another krogan. She slunk back a step and felt a tingling sensation as Kaidan moved into position next to her. Liara was next to him.

“There's another krogan ahead,” she told them. Neither answered, they only nodded curtly.

Nick watched as Kaidan opened his omni-tool and punched in a command. Then she realized he was fabricating a tech grenade. His omni-tool _plinged_ quietly and he took the grenade out of the small fabrication unit. Nick had never used her omni-tool to actually _make_ anything. Another _pling_ indicated the grenade was primed.

Kaidan looked at her and as soon as she nodded he tossed the tech grenade. Nick swung around the corner, firing as many shots at the krogan as she could. The krogan didn't fire back and she grinned. The lieutenant had Sabotaged his weapons. Liara sent a Warp at the krogan and Kaidan finished him off with a Throw.

Suddenly a VI spoke, “ _User alert. All Peak 15 facilities have suffered a great deal of damage. Biohazard materials present throughout the facility. Virtual Intelligence user interface offline._ ”

“No more contacts,” Kaidan informed them. “And we'll need to get main power back.”

They jogged along the balcony towards a door leading to the next section and were surprised to find a turret behind it pointing at another door.

“Why is the turret pointing the wrong way?” Liara asked, sounding confused.

“They're making sure nobody leaves the facility without express permission,” Kaidan replied through gritted teeth. “They want to keep their people in as much as they want to keep others out.”

“By the Goddess,” Liara whispered.

They continued their path and took the elevator to the next level and found themselves engaged with several geth as soon as they passed through the door. Kaidan quickly tossed an Overload towards a two geth which Liara caught in a Singularity. Nick sniped one that struggled to get on its feet again when the blurry figure of a third geth blocked her view. It was too close for her sniper rifle. Way too close.

She swore and began to fall back when the geth was caught in a haze of blue and floated into the air, flailing its arms. Nick swiftly pulled her shotgun and finished it off before moving into the room. She heard the bark of a pistol, unsure if it was Kaidan's or Liara's. Probably Kaidan's. The air smelt of fried circuits, ozone and something else. Something she had smelled before, but couldn't remember where.

_Where had she smelled this before?_

Kaidan and Liara met her at the foot of a small stairway leading up. The sounds surrounding them were … eerie. To say the least. Cracking, screeching. Scurrying? Nick swallowed. She felt shivers of anticipation crawl down her spine and obviously the other two were just as nervous. Both had their pistols ready although no hostiles showed up on their HUDs.

“What was that?” Liara whispered as they heard another sound.

“Animals?” Kaidan suggested, sounding uncomfortable. “Wind? This place is in bad shape.”

The screeching came closer and up on the higher level Nick saw a large shadow. Almost out of the blue they heard the scurrying of many legs. She turned her head only to see the bug-like creatures they had encountered on Binthu rushing at them.

 _Rachni_. _Well, if that wasn't fucking perfect. Geth and_ _r_ _achni and somewhere in the facility a rogue asari Matriarch with her Commandos._

Luckily the small Rachni Workers were quickly taken care of and her team moved carefully up the stairs to a walkway. Nick lobbed a grenade at two Rachni Soldiers at the same time as Kaidan and Liara both hit them with a Warp. And yet the rachni advanced on them.

Nick fired her shotgun at the first rachni several times before it finally collapsed and then focused on the second one. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Liara cast another Warp, while Kaidan had his pistol trained on the creature, the blue sheen of his Barrier rippling over him in an undulating light. After a few steps it also crumpled to the floor and remained still.

There were several rooms on the mezzanine and Nick tried her luck hacking the first console as it didn't look too difficult. Quickly her confidence faded into frustration as it locked down. She should have known better. _This_ was one reason she hardly ever used her omni-tool for anything other than sending messages or watching vids.

“Lieutenant? Take a look at this please.” Nick pointed at the console as she stepped away from it, trying hard not to blush. Kaidan went to the console, glanced at it and then looked over his shoulder at Nick, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Commander, _what_ did you do here?” He opened his omni-tool and Nick watched as he ran a hacking program, or so she assumed.

She shrugged. “It didn't look too hard, so I thought I'd give it a try. I told you I'm no good at tech.”

Kaidan snorted and shook his head in disbelief. “Shepard, to mess this up you …” He cleared his throat, obviously reevaluating what he was going to say. She could still hear the amusement in his voice when he continued, “This was pretty hard to get wrong.”

The console sprang to life and then he turned around to face her. “I've got it.”

“Perfect. Let's move on then.”

A sudden sound caught their attention as a Rachni Soldier burst through the vents within melee range of Shepard. Without thinking Nick whipped out her omniblade and slashed at the tentacle closest to her. The rachni let out a piercing screech as the tentacle was severed from its body, dark blood shooting from the wound. The metallic scent of blood mingled with the sour stench of its acidic spit, making Nick's stomach reel.

 _That_ was the smell she hadn't been able to place earlier.

A Singularity from Liara lifted it into the air, giving Nick a chance to get out of its range.

Nick sprinted towards Liara, who was furthest away from the creature, pulling her shotgun again on the way. Another flash of blue indicated that Kaidan had used some biotic attack, followed by the sharp sound of his pistol. As soon as she had put enough space between her and the rachni, Nick spun around, ready to shoot, but it was no longer necessary.

“That was a little close for my taste,” Nick commented, nudging the dead rachni with her foot.

“Yeah,” Kaidan answered, as did Liara.

They went on, even more wary now as they inspected the other rooms. And as they were leaving the last room another Rachni Soldier crashed through the wall. This time they had sufficient range, and Kaidan Lifted it as they used their firearms to finish it off before they took the elevator to the next level.

A swarm of Rachni Workers awaited them there, but a Singularity from Liara and a high-explosive grenade from Shepard took care of a large number. The remaining Workers they picked off with their pistols. In Nick's case with her shotgun.

“This is a backup power system, Commander,” Kaidan let her know as he inspected a power junction. “Must be for the station mainframe.”

“Can we fix it?” Nick asked, chewing on her bottom lip. “Get this place back online?”

“If you stay away from it,” Kaidan teased with a rakish grin. Then his expression turned serious again. “I don't know, Commander.”

“Only one way to find out.” Nick walked to the power junction and flipped the switch. Immediately afterward they heard the voice of the station's VI.

“ _Critical start-up error. Virtual Intelligence user interface offline. Manual boot required._ ”

Nick stared at the ceiling with an expression that was near loathing before heading towards the reactor core. As she passed through the door she swallowed at the scene in front of her. She put on a neutral face, which quickly turned into a frown when she saw the actual core. She definitely should not touch anything here.

“Lieutenant, I think this is your call.” Nick stepped aside to let Kaidan access memory core. The platform they were standing on lowered itself into the core. She watched as his fingers danced over the display.

“You know,” he said quietly, his eyes focused on the display in front of him. “I can teach you a few decrypting and hacking tricks. It's really simple once you get the hang of it.”

“Is that so?” Nick leaned against the console in a slinky motion. Kaidan shot a quick glance at her and nodded before concentrating on rebooting the mainframe again, but she could see him blushing. A short time later he straightened his shoulders and gave her his typical lop-sided smile as the platform rose back to the main level.

When they reached the main level the holo of the Station VI greeted them.

“ _It looks like you're trying to restore this facility. Would you like help?_ ”

“Aw, crap. A pop-up.” Nick frowned. “I guess you're the VI that runs this place?”

The VI introduced itself as Mira and after having confirmed Shepard's status as Council Spectre it informed them that Shepard was cleared for Secure Access of all systems, but that Privileged Access was only available to Binary Helix executives. Shepard's first question after Mira confirmed that the system was now ready to process queries was to the whereabouts of Lady Benezia.

“ _Lady Benezia departed on the passenger tramway to Rift Station subsidary labs,_ ” the VI informed them. “ _User alert! The tramway system is currently inoperable._ ”

“Of course,” Nick muttered, annoyed. “What's the situation here?”

“ _One moment, please. Diagnostics in progress._ ” A short pause followed before Mira continued, “ _Critical failure: Main reactor shut down in accordance with emergency containment procedures. Manual restart required. Critical failure: Landline connections are disabled. Passenger tram systems are offline. Report complete. Do you have an additional systems status query?_ ”

“Why was the main reactor shut down?” Shepard asked.

“ _I'm sorry, but I was offline at the time. Shutdown could occur if reactor breach seem likely, or in the case of a catastrophic laboratory containment failure. Emergency guidelines suggest the frigid environment will kill biological contagions. It may also damage mechanical cores._ ”

Kaidan snorted in disbelief. “Turn off the heat and hope the cold puts whatever you've unleashed to sleep. Nice.”

Nick nodded to show she agreed with him and then continued inquiring what the landlines were and how to get both landlines and main reactor operational again. Finally she asked Mira what had happened immediately before the VI was shut down.

“ _Stage 1 alert issued at hot labs. Contaminants released from Laboratory Pod Gamma. Emergency protocols implemented._ ”

“What sort of contaminants?” Nick asked.

“ _I'm sorry, Commander. Inquiries related to our research require Privilged Access. Only Binary Helix executives have that clearance._ ”

“The rachni we've encountered here, did they come from the lab?” Shepard wondered.

“ _I'm sorry, Commander. Inquiries related to our research_ …” the VI began, but Nick interrupted and said they had all the information they needed for now.

Shepard turned to Kaidan and Liara. “Looks like we have to take care of the problems here before we can get to our main objective.”

On the roof of the facility they encountered a number of rachni, and it needed all of their skill to keep the upper hand. Nick was more than happy to have taken two biotics along as they helped tremendously with knocking the Rachni Soldiers off their legs, especially when three of the large rachni came rushing at them.

One stayed down permanently after being hit simultaneously by a Warp from Liara, a Neural Shock from Kaidan and several shots from Nick's shotgun. The other two were Thrown back forcefully.

They moved carefully forward. A swarm of Rachni Workers scuttled towards them and Nick pulled a grenade from her belt, signaling the other two to fall back to the entrance. As soon as they had retreated into the hallway Nick threw the grenade at the small rachni and fell back as well.

They fought from the relative shelter the hallway provided, because for some odd reason the Rachi Soldiers did not try to enter it. Maybe it was too confined for their taste. Nick didn't complain. It gave her and her shore party the chance to catch a breath. The two rachni Kaidan had Thrown back struggled back to their feet and attacked them again. Once there was no more resistance Shepard motioned her team to cautiously move out again.

Two more Rachni Soldiers attacked them once they had crossed about half of the roof and once they were down Nick hurried over to a power junction and reconnected it. Directly afterward Mira popped up again. Shepard didn't waste much time talking, instead she led her team down towards the main reactor so they could restore the fuel lines.

On their way to the main reactor they encountered a lone Rachni Soldier, which never stood a chance. When they reached the reactor, however, they ran into old friends. Nick cursed as her radar jammed and she cast a look at Kaidan.

“At least six tangos, Commander,” he told her.

“I think it's pretty safe to assume we're dealing with geth here, Lieutenant,” Shepard surmised.

“Maybe, Commander. Or just someone with a rather sophisticated jamming device,” Kaidan retorted, checking his omni-tool again. “But if you're saying we can be pretty sure they're not rachni, then I agree. We can either go left or right, Shepard. The left side shows more hostile activity, but they may be more … smallish. I mean, smaller.”

Nick walked over to him until she stood close in front of him. She took hold of his arm, turning it so she could look closely at the map shown by his omni-tool. She considered shortly.

“We go left. There may be more hostiles on that side, but we always have the possibility of falling back into this room. If we go right I fear we might move out too far and end up being be too exposed with no real cover.” She held on to his arm the whole time as she explained her decision, keeping her focus on the map. When she looked up she found herself staring into a beautiful pair of amber eyes. She blinked stupidly.

“Aye-aye, Commander.” Kaidan's husky voice reached her suddenly sluggish brain and she drew a deep breath as she tore her eyes away from him. _Stay focused_.

“Liara?” she asked the asari quietly. “Do you have any trouble with my assessment?”

The young archeologist shook her head. “No, Shepard.”

With a nod Shepard went to the door panel and after another quick glance to make sure her team was ready she opened the door. Almost immediately they were attacked by several Geth Stalkers and shortly afterward by a Geth Destroyer. Kaidan Overloaded its shields while Liara caught another Stalker in a Singularity. Nick had quickly swapped her Shredder rounds for Tungsten rounds and fired at the Stalker first, then she joined Kaidan shooting at the Destroyer. She still didn't understand why he only used a pistol. The same went for Liara. Did a larger weapon interfere with the use of their biotics?

They advanced slowly as they moved across the walkway. It went in a U-shape around the main reactor system and the way to the upper level was situated on this side. She signaled Kaidan and Liara that they were going to sweep the main level first and then clear the upper level.

Another Destroyer came their way and Kaidan surprised her by Throwing him back instead of readying a tech attack. Liara was busy with more Stalkers, and Shepard helped her get rid of them quickly before aiding Kaidan against the Destroyer. Although it didn't seem as if he needed much help. He was using a combination of his tech and biotic skills as well as his sidearm, but they had no idea what else was awaiting them and Nick didn't want him to overtax his implant. Nick pulled her sniper rifle after Kaidan Threw the Destroyer back towards the wall and lined up her shot. It dropped.

“We still have hostiles,” Kaidan informed her, wiping sweat off his brow.

“Where are they?” Her HUD was still jammed.

“Probably on the upper level, but there might be more down here as well,” he answered quietly.

Shepard nodded. “We finish clearing this level before we head up.”

“Aye-aye, ma'am.” came the automatic reply. She raised her eyebrows slightly and Kaidan quickly corrected himself. “I mean Commander.”

They reached the back part of the reactor room and Nick saw the lever to reconnect the helium-3 fuel lines. She jogged to the reactor, pulled the lever and headed back to her team. As they rounded the main fusion reactor a rocket was fired at them from the balcony on the upper level. They engaged the Juggernaut, hitting it with everything they had.

A short while later they had taken care of the last geth resistance in the reactor room and made their way to the tram station.

“ _User alert! Loose contaminants in the decontamination chamber. Access to passenger tramways unadvisable._ ” The station VI sounded over the loudspeakers.

They approached the tram station and reached the decontamination chamber which was locked down. Through the windows they could see several Rachni Warriors. Nick slowed down and headed into the adjacent office. She was pretty sure the control panel by the window was for the double door system. And it was out of order. _Of course_.

She was just about to tell Kaidan to override the lock when she decided to try something else. He was her tech expert, after all.

“Alenko, can you fix this?” She turned to him and jabbed her thumb at the defect control panel.

“I have to see it first, Commander,” he answered as he walked past her and activated his omni-tool. She watched as he did _something_. Maybe she should really take up his offer and let him show her some more tech shit? Bonus, she would get to spend more time with him.

_Now, if that wasn't something to consider…_

“Got it.” His low, husky voice startled her out of her reverie.

“Well, Lieutenant, I think you deserved the honor of seeing what happens when you activate that thing.”

He winked at her – _he actually winked at her!_ \- and activated the panel. They watched as the rachni in the decontamination chamber were incinerated.

“Nice!” Shepard commented. Then she turned to Liara, who was investigating the desk at the far end of the room. “Anything of interest, Liara?”

“No, Shepard.” Liara shook her head. “Not really. Just an incomplete message about loose contaminants, advising people to get out while they can.”

“Bet that worked really well,” Nick muttered as she walked towards the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	22. Rift Station

Chapter 22. Rift Station

  


Kaidan watched warily as Shepard spoke to Benezia. He let his eyes roam through the room and mentally took note of the positions of the Asari Commandos as well as every place offering cover. There were only a few commandos to be seen, but he was sure they'd have back-up on the way.

He listened with one ear as Benezia made a snide comment about Shepard bringing Liara along as a pathetic try to manipulate her. 

Shepard let out a small laugh as she shook her head. “I have no idea what you're talking about. Liara is here because she wants to be, not because I dragged her along.”

The Matriarch settled her gaze on Liara. “What have you told her about me, Liara? Hm?”

“What am I supposed to answer, Mother? What could I say? That you are crazy? Evil? Should I explain how to kill you?” Liara's voice sounded choked. “What could I say?”

Benezia moved closer and Kaidan focused his attention on her. He felt his biotics stirring even though the Asari Matriarch had not done anything threatening yet.

“Have you ever faced an asari commando before?” Benezia asked Shepard confidently. “Few humans have.”

Shepard looked at Liara shortly and Kaidan saw pity in her gaze, then she turned back to face Benezia. “I guess that means you don't want to negotiate. Fine. I can work with that.” Her voice turned hard. “But believe me, you won't look so smug with a hole in your head.

A short while later Kaidan felt like an intruder as he watched Liara say a final goodbye to her mother. He glanced over to Shepard and tried to to discern her mood. Benezia had been indoctrinated, but had regained her willpower for a short time and had handed Nick an OSD containing coordinates for the Mu relay.

She explained that the Relay had been propelled out of its system 4000 years ago and that she had been sent to Noveria to get the information from the Rachni, as they could convey information from one generation to the next. Shepard hesitated before asking why Saren wanted the location of the Mu relay.

“He believes it will lead him to the conduit,” Benezia had answered. “I would tell you more, but Saren did not share his counsel with me.”

Nick explained that she could take down Saren with the information that had been gathered here and Benezia had given her the OSD. 

“Knowing the relay's coordinates is not enough,” Liara interrupted quietly. “Do you know where he planned to go from there?”

Benezia admitted that she did not know the final destination and that she had transmitted the data minutes before they had arrived. It was apparent that she was finding it harder and harder to resist the indoctrination.

“You have always made me proud, Liara,” Benezia said with a pained expression.

Kaidan was certain he would always remember the flash of sorrow on Liara's face and the regret in Benezia's voice right before she lost control of herself and attacked them again. Benezia, a strong asari matriarch explained to Shepard that she would never be herself again as she staggered against the wall searching for a prop. Liara's face scrunched up in despair as she croaked, “Mother...” And then the tears spilled down her face as her mother spoke her final words.

“Good night, Little Wing. I will see you again by the dawn,” Benezia had whispered, sliding slowly down to the floor because her legs no longer had the power to carry her, her voice faded with each word she spoke. “No light? They always said there would be … .”

Shepard hung her head, silently acknowledging Benezia's death before turning to Liara and placing a hand on her shoulder. “I am sorry,” Shepard said softly. “Sorry you had to witness this and sorry I cannot give you more time to mourn her right now, but we must move on.”

Liara sniffled quietly and nodded her head. Kaidan watched as Shepard gave Liara's shoulder another squeeze before she turned her attention to their surroundings again. After Nick stepped away from Liara he closed the distance between him and the asari.

“Liara?” He spoke in a hushed tone. “I am also sorry. I … .” he faltered, not sure what else to say. “If there is anything we can do for you, just ask.”

“Thank you, Kaidan. I think I will need time more than anything else.” She tried giving him a small smile.

“Of course,” he replied.

An unexpected movement in the large glass container in the center of the room caught his attention and he watched as Shepard strolled over to it and tried to shield the reflecting lights off of it with her arms, trying to get a better view of the creature inside. They all jumped back a few steps when they found themselves staring  down the gullet of the largest rachni they had seen yet.

To Kaidan’s utter horror one of the commandos lying dead at his feet suddenly stirred and began tottering towards Shepard, head lolling from one side to the other. He pulled his pistol in a swift movement and called out a warning.  _ What the hell? _ He was more than sure the asari had been dead.

Shepard spun around, caught between the advancing commando and the console in front of the glass container. But the commando teetered past her until she stood in front of the large rachni. Here, the asari turned around and began to speak.

“This one. Serves as our voice. We cannot sing. Not in these low spaces. Your musics are colorless.”

_ Sing? Musics? Colorless? How could music be colorless? _

Shepard  appeared as confused as he did. She scratched her head, tilting it slightly to the side. “I don't understand. What musics?”

The large rachni explained that their way of communicating was different from what they were used to. Rachni could speak, or sing as they called it, through touching the others thoughts. Kaidan wasn't sure if he liked that. It sounded almost ... invasive. Or like another possible way of indoctrination.

The Rachni Queen told them that her offspring had been disconnected from the music and were now beyond help. She said they would only cause harm because they were lost to silence; the only way to save them was to slay them. She let them know that the eggs had been stolen from her and were being turned into mindless killing machines by the scientists of Binary Helix. Beast of War, the queen called them.

“Children know only fear if no one sings to them. Fear has shattered their minds.” Anger radiated through the air as the Rachni Queen spoke of her young.

_ It makes sense _ , he thought.

“It makes sense, Shepard,” he said quietly. “A baby left alone in a closet until it's sixteen won't be sane either."

Shepard nodded, but did not acknowledge his comment any further. “I will do as you ask. And you are sure there is no other option?”

“It is lamentable. But necessary. Do as you must,” the queen confirmed. “Before you deal with our children, we stand before you. What will you sing? Will you release us? Are we to fade away once more?”

Kaidan glimpsed a short look of panic on Shepard's face, but she had her expression under control again quickly. He shifted uncomfortably. This was a tough decision and he was glad he wasn't the one making the call. They were talking about genocide if Shepard decided to use the acid tanks hovering over the Rachni Queen. And no matter what had happened in the past in his eyes genocide was unacceptable. There was always a better option. He was just about to state his opinion when Shepard began speaking.

“If I let you live,” Nick began cautiously as she moved closer towards the console, “would you attack other races again?”

“No!” the queen answered vehemently. “I do not know what happened in the war. We heard only discordance, songs the color of oily shadows. We would seek a hidden place to teach our children harmony. If they understand, perhaps we would return.”

After a short inquiry about the queen's survival Shepard felled her decision. Kaidan could see it clearly in the change of her posture. She drew herself up a little, her hand hovering over the console in front of her.

“I won't have the blood of an entire race on my hands," she said softly. “You will go free.”

“You will give us the chance to compose anew?” The Rachni Queen sounded surprised, as though she had awaited to be facing her end instead. “We will remember. We will sing of your forgiveness to our children.”

He heard Shepard draw a deep breath before punching in the command to release the Rachni Queen. As the glass container was lifted away the asari which the Rachni Queen had used as her voice slumped to the ground. He shuddered. The thought of a corpse being willed to move and speak only by the power of thoughts slightly creeped him out.

They stood there for a moment and watched the Rachni Queen disappear.

“Let's go find her children and then get the hell off of this planet,” Shepard muttered. He could see her knit her brows. Then she turned away and started walking towards the door at the opposite end of the room. The door did not open automatically and he could tell  she was upset by the vehemence with which Shepard hit the control button. 

Finally, the door opened. A burst of cold air flowed in from the passage and Shepard inhaled sharply. 

“Mom was right, you know? I should've brought a sweater. And I think I have snow in my boots.” Kaidan said lightly, trying to lift Shepard's rather sullen mood. He tried to ignore Liara's irritated stare. In afterthought maybe it had been a little tasteless. Shepard turned to look at him, opening her mouth to say something. Obviously she was at a loss for words, though. Instead she swatted his shoulder and shook her head, but he saw the smile she quickly tried to hide as she turned away.

_ Mission accomplished. _

Some time later they stood in the Hot Labs staring down at the corpse of Yaroslav Tartakovsky, who had been skewered by a Rachni Soldier just as he had been giving them some information. The rachni lay only a few steps away from him.

“Are you here to secure the situation?” had been the first thing the man had asked as they approached. After a short inquiry he told them Binary Helix found rachni eggs on a derelict freighter, a thousand years adrift. There had been many eggs in cryogenic suspension. And they hatched one.

“They hatched an egg that had been frozen for a thousand years?” Shepard asked, disbelief coloring her voice.

Tartakovsky called the success of hatching the egg miraculous and told them that Binary Helix had planned to clone the rachni, wanting to create an army. Only when they had hatched the egg did they discover it was not an ordinary egg, but a queen. After she had laid her eggs they had moved her away to Rift Station, figuring they could influence the young into obedience that way.

Shepard huffed. “Well, separating them from their mother didn't work. I'd say your experiment failed.”

“Ehh,” the scientist agreed, “it was exactly the wrong thing to do. Without a queen rachni don't develop properly. She shapes their minds. These are uncontrollable.”

Shepard considered bringing the queen there to sing to her offspring, but the scientist shook his head and told them the rachni were beyond saving. The only option was the neutron purge. His last words were informing them how to initiated the purge. Then the Rachni Soldier struck.

Shepard searched Tartakovsky for the authorization code and then headed to the Mira terminal in the adjacent room. A short conversation with the station VI followed.

“Activate the neutron purge,” Shepard finally said.

“I am sorry, but I can't do that without proper code authorization,” Mira insisted.

Shepard's voice was neutral as she spoke the authorization code, “Code input: 875-020-079. Code Omega local execution.”

“Verified, ” Mira confirmed. “Code Omega execution in 120 seconds.”

_ Well, damn. _

Nearly two minutes later they stood in the elevator, panting as the doors closed behind them after fighting their way through a large number of rachni. They still felt the blast of the purge as the elevator took them back to the transportation level. As soon as they reached the tram Shepard punched in the command to get them back to Peak 15.

Kaidan watched Nick as she leaned against the window of the tram and stared into space. The sound of a quiet thump disrupted the silence in the tram. He glanced to the side and saw Liara sitting down on a seat, cradling her head in her hands. Kaidan hoped it would be a long time before he had to say the final good-bye to his parents. The remaining ride back to Peak 15 and the ensuing ride in the Mako to Port Hanshan and the Normandy went off in comparative silence.

As soon as they were aboard the Normandy Shepard told them to take care of their gear quickly. “I want everyone in the comm room in twenty, Lieutenant,” she said as they waited for the decontamination cycle to end.

“Aye-aye, Commander,” he replied.

Shepard walked towards the helm instead of towards the lower deck, and Kaidan couldn't resist casting a glance back over his shoulder as he passed through the CIC. He continued down to the cargo hold with Liara walking shortly behind him. He could see Ashley's questioning gaze as she tilted her head slightly towards Liara, silently asking him what was wrong with the asari.

He signaled her to hold back with any inquiries and her curt nod indicated that she understood. He laid his pistol on the weapon's bench and, after another short eye contact with Ashley, went to his locker. He knew Ash would take care of the pistol while he changed into his uniform. Liara also left her pistol for Ash to take care of and left again. Kaidan figured she wanted to be left alone at the time.

He was not even halfway out of his armor when Shepard stepped out of the elevator. She walked straight to the weapon’s bench, talked shortly to Ash and then came over to him. Wordlessly she turned her back to him and he began unclasping the harder to reach straps of her armor.

“Thank you, Lieutenant.” She smiled at him over her shoulder.

“Anytime, Commander.” Kaidan ignored the grin he saw on Ashley’s face, but he knew she would tease him later for his choice of words.

A short while later, after he had showered, Kaidan made his way to the comm room. Liara and Shepard were already there. The former stared into space, not reacting to the arriving crew. The latter looked at him. Not very long, but long enough to catch his gaze before she looked at the next crew member.

Shepard remained silent as the last ones took their seats. Then she quietly began explaining which data they had received from Benezia.

Ashley leaned forward when Shepard was done. “So what our next move, Skipper? Head for the Mu Relay?”

“No.” Shepard shook her head. “Not so fast. There is no point in that, Chief. The Mu Relay could link to dozens of systems. Unless we know where Saren is going, we would just be wasting our time.”

“The Commander is right,”  Liara said. “We cannot rush off blind. We still need to learn more about Saren.”

Kaidan raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. He agreed with Liara, but deep down it bothered him that she had said it and not him. Ashley, on the other hand, didn’t remain quiet.

“Who put you in charge? Did the commander resign while I wasn’t looking?”

Kaidan shot her a warning glance.

“Enough! We’re all on the same team here, Williams,” Shepard said sternly. “Calm down. She was just trying to help.”

The gunnery chief shifted slightly in her seat. “Sorry, Commander.”

Shepard waved it off. “It’s okay. This is a tough mission,” she got up, “and we’re all on edge. Everyone go get some rest. We’re headed to the Citadel next. If we are lucky we can get a few hours R and R in. Dismissed.”

They filed out of the room. Kaidan knew Shepard would stay behind to report to the Council, so he decided to grab a bite to eat and go work at his workstation.

* * *

Shepard waited as Joker set up the link with the Council. The first thing the asari councilor asked was if her reports were accurate. She felt her temper rising.

_ Why the fuck wouldn’t her reports be accurate?  _

The turian councilor did little to improve her mood. “You released the queen! Do you have any idea what you have done?”  _ Yes _ , she thought, _ I know very well _ . “How many generations until they overrun the galaxy?”

“Let me guess. Two? No, three.” She couldn’t keep the sarcasm out of her voice. The turian councilor bristled at her words, but she cut him short, “Listen, I talked to the queen and made my choice. She understands why they had to be wiped out last time.”

Nick rubbed her face in annoyance after finishing her report to the Council. She had to get better control of her temper when reporting in. But they were so damn condescending.

She slowly walked down to the crew deck to talk to Liara. As she passed by the mess she glanced over to Kaidan’s workstation. It was empty. Her gaze swept through the room and she spied him talking to the mess sergeant.  _ Huh, I should have known _ .

“Commander, do you need something?” Dr. Chakwas asked looking up from a medical journal.

Nick shook her head and sighed. “No. I just wanted to check on Liara after … after what happened ground-side.” 

The doctor gave her a short once-over and concurred. "Yes. She may want to talk. Or she may not. Everyone grieves differently."

"I know, doc," Shepard answered, unconsciously using the lieutenant’s preferred title for the ship’s doctor, as she went into the small back room. She had no sooner stepped through the door when Liara stood up from her chair and turned around to face her.

"If you are here to talk about Benezia’s death, you need not bother." Liara's voice sounded hard. “She brought it upon herself.” 

Nick was slightly taken aback. She had expected tears, not this icy behavior, and the apparent lack of emotion. But, as the doctor had said, everybody coped with grief differently.

“She did,” Nick agreed. “But don’t you still feel bad about it? She was your mother. Don’t pretend it doesn’t bother you.”

Liara remained silent for a moment. Her voice was softer when she continued speaking, “She was … but she was not. I prefer to remember Benezia as she used to be, before she was corrupted by Sovereign’s power.”

“It seems that some of your mother’s traits live on in you. Her intelligence, strength and determination,” Shepard said, wanting to offer at least a little bit of consolation.

“That is kind of you to say, Shepard. And I appreciate your concern, but I am fine. Benezia chose her path, just as I have chosen mine.” With more fervor in her voice Liara continued, “I am with you until the end, Shepard.”

Nick shifted slightly, feeling uncomfortable. Liara’s blind devotion was disconcerting. Nick wondered if it had something to do with the asari’s feelings for her. “Why do you think Benezia joined Saren?”

“Benezia got caught up in events beyond her control and lost herself. She fell under the spell of indoctrination and became part of everything she wanted to stop,” Liara paused. “But I will remember her and honor how she lived, not how she died. My mother was strong kind and beautiful,” she paused again. When she began to speak again her emotions betrayed her, and her voice caught, “And now she is gone.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick said quietly. “Are you going to be okay?”

Liara smiled sadly. “It is kind of you to ask. I miss her. And I grieve for what happened to her. But I will not let my grief interfere with what we are trying to accomplish.”

“Okay.” Nick cleared her throat. “I should go.”

As Shepard crossed the med bay Dr. Chakwas called out to her, “A moment please, Commander.”

“Doc?” 

“How have you been sleeping?” The doctor inquired, using the moment to scan her. “Any nightmares? Trouble falling asleep?”

Nick sighed, “I’ve been sleeping just fine.” She could tell Chakwas was not convinced. “Really. I’m dealing with it. It’s nothing I can’t handle.” The short  _ humpf _ from the doctor said everything. Nick glanced around the room before looking at the doctor again. “I drink the tea you prescribed.”

There was no way in hell she would tell the doctor she was almost thankful for her irregular sleep cycle as it gave her the chance of undisturbed conversations with Kaidan. She wondered if the doctor knew his sleep cycles were just as messed up as hers. Probably. There wasn’t much that escaped the doctor’s attention. That said, she was pretty sure that the Normandy’s head physician was aware of the mutual attraction between her CO and the head of marine detail. Nick felt herself blushing as she thought of the lieutenant. She took a slow deep breath, trying to ban any images of the lieutenant out of her mind.

“Please keep me updated about any changes, good and bad, Commander. Maybe we should try using CBT-I as well. Cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia.” Dr. Chakwas added, seeing Shepard’s questioning look. The doctor typed something into her datapad and walked to her desk, “That is all for now, Shepard.”

Nick made a quick escape, hoping perhaps Kaidan would still be in the mess. He wasn’t. Nor was he at his workstation. As he was still on duty this meant he was most likely either at the workstation in the helm or possibly down in Engineering. 

With a sigh she went to her cabin to write the mission report for the Alliance and catch up with her other paperwork.

* * *

Several hours later Nick figured maybe she should get something to eat. She had completely forgotten about dinner after getting side-tracked by a book after she finished her report. It was only when her stomach protested loudly that she became aware she had missed a meal. A short glance at her clock told her it was nearly midnight.

She walked into the mess and a smile spread over her face when she saw Kaidan sitting at the mess table, a plate with sandwiches next to him. Nick loved night cycles on the Normandy, when the ship ran on a skeleton crew and she could talk to him without fear of being disturbed. She didn’t walk over to him directly. Instead she watched him silently for a few seconds. She saw him frown at the datapad in his hand and then he picked up an actual pencil and began writing something on an actual notepad. 

“Hey,” she said quietly as she approached him.

“Shepard.” The huskiness of his voice made her shiver. 

She peeked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of what he had written on the notepad. “That’s … math. No wonder you’re frowning.” Nick wrinkled her nose in disgust before sitting down next to him.

Kaidan laughed quietly. “Well, yeah. Sometimes it’s easier to spy mistakes when you see a calculation written out. Usually it’s something as simple as accidentally typing in the wrong sign and on-screen you keep on reading over it.”

Nick shook her head, but couldn’t stop the smile on her face. “And why are you brooding over calculations in the middle of the night?”

The smile faded slowly from Kaidan’s face and he shrugged. “It helps take my mind off things.”

“Things?” She asked as she picked up a sandwich from the plate. Biting into it heartily she kept her eyes fixed on Kaidan. He arched an eyebrow, but said nothing as she ate his sandwich.

“Yeah. I was thinking about Liara. Have you talked to her? Poor kid. It couldn’t have been easy for her today.” He stared at the notepad, narrowed his eyes as he erased a part of his calculation and began scribbling again. He cast a short glance at Nick. “She seemed composed enough at dinner, but I don’t think I could put off having to kill one of my parents that easily. It must be hard, even if you know it’s a mercy.”

“Yeah. I talked to her. I wonder if it has something to do with the longevity of the asari that they look at death differently than we do. She said she wants to remember and honor her mother as she lived before being corrupted by indoctrination.” Nick told him.

“Could you shake it off so easily, Shepard?” he asked quietly. 

“No.” She admitted. “My parents are both Alliance officers. I know they can be killed in action any day. And I know that if … if one of them was indoctrinated and I had to hunt them down, they would expect me to kill them without hesitation. But afterwards, I would grieve in a different manner than Liara is.”

“Yeah,” Kaidan whispered in a hushed tone. Then he looked at her with a curious expression on his face. “You said both your parents are Alliance? Are both stationed ship-side?”

“No. My mom is; she’s the XO on the Kilimanjaro. My dad’s been stationed on Earth for the past three years, although he still has to go on missions off-planet. No, wait. Longer than that.” She hesitated and then nodded slowly. “Let me think. I got invited to N-School after the Blitz and Akuze happened when I was an N3. Umm. No, three years is right after all.” 

Kaidan nodded slowly as she spoke and then asked, “Where on Earth is he stationed?” 

“He’s an instructor in Rio,” she answered with a small smile playing on her lips. She watched as the information settled in. Kaidan’s eyes widened with surprise. There was only one Alliance school in Rio de Janeiro; The Interplanetary Combatives Academy. 

Better known as N-School.

"Your father is an N7 too?" Kaidan couldn't keep the awe out of his voice.

Nick nodded, her eyes tracing his face in search of a reaction.

He remained silent and Nick tilted her head to the side, suddenly looking unsure. He wouldn’t be the first to back down after finding out how high ranking her parents were. “Now that you know that my dad is an instructor at N-School does your offer of joint shore leave still stand? Or do you want to backtrack your suggestion?”

“No! If you want it the offer still stands.” His voice was low and he turned his hand palm-upward, reaching out to her tentatively. “I know I want it.” 

“Oh, I want it.” She drew a deep breath as she took his offered hand. Their eyes met. “After the mission,” Nick added a little breathlessly.

“After the mission,” he repeated, blushing as he ran his thumb over the back of her hand. Nick felt herself falling into the intensity of his gaze and the sensation of his touch. She wanted to kiss him so badly. Instead she dropped her gaze to their locked hands, trying to get her inner turmoil under control. The sound of the bulkhead to the CIC opening startled them both and with a pang of regret she let go and got up slowly.

"Good night, Kaidan."

"Good night, Nick."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	23. Xawin

 

Chapter 23.

The next morning brought a change in plans; instead of returning to the Citadel Shepard gave the order to set course for the Strenuus System to check a Missing Person Report.

MISSING PERSON REPORT

_To the attention of Administrator Anoleis:_

_A man named Garoth is looking for information on the whereabouts of one of our freighters. He believes his brother's ship may have been attacked by privateers while traveling through the Strenuus system. Investigation pending._

They found the empty freighter MSV Majesty in orbit around the planet Xawin, with a radiation trail leading towards the planet. After confirming the freighter was abandoned Shepard ordered to follow the radiation leak and a short time later she, Kaidan and Garrus touched down on the planet’s icy surface.

Freezing winds howled around the Mako and Shepard threw a careful look at the temperature indicator; it showed a surface temperature of -130° C. Hopefully they would not have to spend too much time outside. Sure, their armor gave a certain amount of protection against environmental hazards, but only over a very limited time.

Kaidan gave her the location of several mineral sites as well as a base and an active beacon. Nick decided to check the active beacon first and then continue to the base. As they approached the site of the beacon she slowed the Mako, and furrowed her brow. There was nothing to be seen.

“Lieutenant,” she asked sharply, “are you sure about the coordinates?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He sounded a little insulted as he stressed the word _ma’am_ and Nick immediately felt bad for her sharp tone. Of course he knew what he was doing. If Kaidan said there was an active beacon at a certain set of coordinates then there was. He repeated the coordinates and she checked their position. The beacon should have been visible. Even in the inhospitable conditions outside.

She turned half in her seat to look at him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. Just … there is nothing. I don’t like this. Stay frosty.” She almost laughed at her own choice of words. “Garrus, be ready,” she told the turian.

Both the marine and the former C-Sec officer nodded. She really did not have to remind them, but you could never be too careful.

Nick let the Mako inch forward, closer and closer to the position of the beacon. There! She saw something protruding out of the snow and altered her course a notch. No sooner did the Mako come within a ten meter radius of the beacon when Kaidan called out, “Hostiles!” He quickly gave them the number and positions of their tangos.

A trap. The damn beacon had been a trap.

Cursing, she accelerated as she evaded hostile fire. Were those geth? They looked different. She was aware of Garrus firing the Mako’s machine gun and Kaidan giving him coordinates. Kaidan called out the position of a cluster of tangos and Garrus adjusted the firing solution for the cannon blasting the … geth? …  synthetics?… into oblivion. Another shout from Kaidan warned them of more approaching opponents.

Nick swore loudly as the new enemy forces came into view. Those weren’t geth. The Mako’s virtual windows clearly showed a number of M35 Makos engaging them in ground battle.

 _Panzerkampf_ , she  thought grimly.

She quickly maneuvered the Mako into a depression in order to hull down and avoid fire. She moved the Mako forward slowly, just far enough to peek over the edge of the depression, giving Garrus a good opportunity to give off a well-placed shot. As soon as he fired she let the Mako roll back, evading enemy fire. A few more well placed shots and  all four hostile Makos were smoking ruins on the frozen surface of Xawin.

“Damn mercs and their damn synthetics,” she muttered as she drove on. “Why would anyone set up a booby trap on a frozen rock like this? Which idiots would be stupid enough to land here?”

“You mean idiots like us?” Garrus ventured with a hint of amusement in his voice.

Kaidan snorted, but otherwise remained silent.

“Fuck. _Off_. Vakarian.” Nick grinned as she maneuvered the Mako skillfully up an icy slope. “If it hadn’t been for the freighter in orbit and that radiation trail leading here and a missing person report, I would have …”

“Ordered us to check out the beacon.” Kaidan finished drily.

Garrus snickered.

“Ordered us _to_ _fly straight to the Citadel_. We wouldn't even have been in this damn system.” She turned her head to glare at them. “You should spend less time with smart-assed turians or gunnery chiefs, Alenko. Or snarky pilots. They have a bad influence on you. You’re far too cute … ” She clamped her mouth shut quickly.

“ _Hey Skipper, you do know the LT spends more time with you than all three of us put together, right?”_ Ashley’s voice rang over the intercom. They heard Joker laughing quietly in the background. Obviously Ashley was listening to the ground team's radio feed with Joker.

“Aren’t you on duty, Chief?” Shepard nearly groaned.

 _“Nope."_ The gunnery chief sounded smug. _"And we all know just how cute you think the LT is. It’s almost sickeningly sweet watching you two dance around each other. You should finally get it over with and ki -”_

Nick flipped the comm switch off before Ashley could finish her sentence. She felt heat rising in her face and did not dare look at Kaidan. He was probably about as mortified as she was. Nick really hoped they weren’t that obvious. Irritation rose within her. How dare Ashley say that over an open channel? Who knew who else was listening. Damn it, things like that had ruined careers before.

“Shepard, I have hostile contacts at eleven o’clock.” Kaidan’s voice was somber.

_At least he keeps his head in the game._

Nick gave herself a little shake. Her face still  burned with embarrassment and she was grateful that he managed to sound all business-like. She heard the whirring sound of the cannon’s scope as Garrus began searching the perimeter. Nick slowed the Mako down, inching it up the ridge.

She saw them; turrets. Four heavy turrets and a handful of mercenaries.

Usually she would have parked the Mako on a lower ledge and set up position with her sniper rifle, but the less than friendly climate foiled that plan. Instead they used Garrus’ proficiency with the mass-accelerator cannon, Kaidan’s expertise with the radar, and her driving skills to evade and destroy the turrets.

“All clear,” Kaidan stated as soon as the last hostile fell.

Nick drove the Mako as close to the entrance of the base as possible, reducing any time spent in the harsh climate of Xawin to a minimum.

Expecting immediate resistance, they cautiously entered the antechamber only to find it empty. Shepard gestured for Kaidan and Garrus to take up positions on the other side of the door as she got ready to open it. She glanced at them and punched the button.

The door slid open and the first thing she saw was a mercenary kneeling off to her left, pointing a weapon at the entrance. The mercenary called out a warning to his comrades just as Nick fired her shotgun at the explosives stockpiled next to him. The explosion ripped through the air, slamming the mercenary against the wall.

He did not get up again.

In the wake of the explosion she took cover behind a low wall a few meters in front of her, Kaidan and Garrus following her. The number of red dots lighting up her HUD was alarming. Apprehension left a sour taste in her mouth and she gripped her shotgun firmly.

_You’ve faced worse odds._

The fight proved to be one of the toughest they had been involved in so far. The mercenaries were well-equipped and numerous. There was hardly a chance of advancing, so Shepard ordered her team to  hold the half-wall in front of the entrance.

A krogan mercenary closed in on them and Kaidan Threw him back forcefully and he went down, but thanks to the Krogan’s redundant nervous system he got up again. Nick saw Kaidan’s omni-tool glow as he sent a tech attack after the Throw, obviously trying to strip the krogan of more energy.

She turned her back on the mercenaries in front of her. Kaidan and Garrus could take care of any frontal assaults. Instead she focused on the bastards that had managed to slip through and flank them.

There were so damn many.

After holding off several hostiles she was forced to hold fire while her shotgun cooled down. She waited anxiously and swore under her breath when the alarm of her hardsuit squad vitals monitor started blinking. She dared a quick glance at the lower corner of her helmet's HUD; Kaidan's shields were gone, Garrus's were low and they didn’t look like they would have a chance to let them recharge. They needed to wrap this up quickly.

Nick turned towards Kaidan’s position; he was bathed in the undulating blue of his biotic barrier when a mercenary tech mine exploded overhead, stripping his barrier to a minimum. There was no time to go to his aid as another mercenary came  dangerously close to her, and she was forced to defend herself. With a sense of urgency she activated her omniblade and stabbed at the joint of her assailants armor. Her blade sliced through the more pliant part of the armor and into the flesh beneath. The space pirate slumped to the ground and she pulled her bloody blade from the body as the beeping of her hardsuit computer became more urgent.

There was a bright flash of blue followed by the orange glow of an omni-tool as Kaidan used a quick combination of biotics and tech. Then she saw the krogan charging at her lieutenant and her heart nearly stopped. There was no way Kaidan would be able to dodge that attack. Nick felt as though she were moving through sticky molasses as she brought up her shotgun and shot another privateer standing in her way.

She heard herself call out Kaidan’s name in horror as the krogan crashed into him, sending him flying against the wall. The red bar in her hardsuit computer showing his vital signs flashed and went dark.

_No!_

Nick became aware of Garrus rushing towards Kaidan’s position while she fought off another mercenary. She ducked under the blow that was aimed at her and spun, smashing the butt of her shotgun into her opponent’s face with force. The bar showing Kaidan’s vitals remained dark.

_Nonono! Not Kaidan. No._

She saw Garrus move between some crates, firing his assault rifle at the krogan keeping him at bay, when a single shot rang out. The turian grunted with pain as the impact twisted him half around, but he managed to take cover behind another box. Nick cast a worried look in his direction. Garrus waved her off, gesturing towards Kaidan as he readied a tech mine with his omni-tool.

Nick’s chest constricted with fear as she skidded to a halt next to Kaidan. Several well-placed shots with her shotgun did away with the krogan and heard Garrus firing his rifle. She didn’t pay much more attention to it, and instead kept her focus on her fellow soldier lying motionless on the ground. She pulled a gauntlet off and felt for a pulse.

Nick nearly sobbed with relief when she found a pulse. He had only been knocked out cold. The collision must have damaged his hardsuit’s internal surveillance system, or at least the feed that was shared with the other members of the shore party. She administered a dose of medigel to take care of the shot wounds and waited.

A soft noise behind Shepard caught her attention and she spun around, weapon at the ready.

“It’s just me, Shepard.”

"Garrus! Say something next time! I almost shot you," Nick admonished, her voice shaky. Garrus sank down awkwardly next to them. She followed his gaze, looked at the lieutenant and filled Garrus in on what she had discovered. “He’s knocked out cold. Looks like he’ll need a new hardsuit because this armor has a few holes punched in it.”

“For a moment there I thought he hadn’t made it. His hardsuit signature went black.” Garrus commented, keeping his eyes on her as he clicked his mandibles softly.

Nick nodded and sighed. “Yeah. Me too.”

From the corner of her eye she saw a small movement and immediately afterward a low groan emanated from Kaidan as he slowly regained consciousness. She moved closer and hovered over him as he opened his eyes. Another groan followed and he tried to sit up only to sink back down again.

“Hey,” Nick said quietly. “How do you feel?

“Like I’ve been run over by a freight train.” Kaidan responded, his voice rough.

“God, Alenko, you sure had me, I mean us, worried!” Shepard let out a choked laugh. “But it wasn’t a train, only a krogan.”  

He winced. “Just … give me a moment, Commander. I’ll be up again in no time.”

“No, stay put. We have time,” she lay a hand on his chest, holding him down softly but firmly. She turned to the turian. “Garrus, how’s the shoulder?”

“Nothing to worry about. I slapped some medigel on it.” Garrus shrugged.

Nick shook her head in disbelief. “You just got shot!”

Garrus blinked. “Come on, Shepard. You’d do the same thing.”

“Point taken,” she conceded.

They searched the base for evidence of the missing crew of the MSV Majesty once Kaidan was feeling up to moving. Luckily they encountered no more hostiles as, despite his claims, the lieutenant was in no condition to fight. Nick cast a worried glance at him as he staggered after her. The collision with the krogan and with the wall had messed up his sense of balance. Sighing, she tried to focus on the mission.

They did not find much until they stumbled over the body of one Captain Willem.

Nick stooped and picked up a data pad. She inspected it, frowning. “Looks like we found our missing person. Goddammit, just once I would like to bring people good news!”

She turned away, heading back to the Mako where she radioed Joker demanding pick-up and telling him to inform Dr. Chakwas that she had two patients incoming.

*    *    *

As soon as they were back aboard the Normandy Nick turned to Kaidan and Garrus. “Go and see Dr. Chakwas as soon as you’ve put your weapons on the weapons bench. Both of you.”

“Do I have time to change into my uniform, Shepard?” Kaidan asked.

Nick gave him a once-over. She wanted to be sure he was fine. He stood straight, his sense of balance apparently back to normal. Finally she nodded and could almost feel his relief at not being sent straight to the med bay. Garrus made his way to Chakwas while she and Kaidan changed into their BDUs.

Twenty minutes later she dismissed the team from a short debriefing. She was just about to leave the comm room when she heard Ashley call out to Garrus.

“Hey Garrus! How did two of you end up getting nailed? Were our two lovebirds too engrossed with each other? Was the LT too busy watching Skipper’s ass or the other way around?”

_That was it. This time Ashley had gone too far._

Kaidan hadn’t left the room yet and Nick saw the color rising in his face. He hesitated a mere second but didn’t say anything. That had to change. Anger surged through her veins. Clenching her fists she tried to bottle up the urge to grab the gunnery chief by her collar.

Nick spun around, her face an impassive mask as she barked, “Chief! My office - NOW!” Then she turned to Kaidan. “Lieutenant, you too!”

With that done she marched out of the comm room with the two marines following. Reaching her cabin Nick turned around. “Lieutenant, wait outside. Chief -” she gestured towards her cabin.

The bulkhead had no sooner closed when Nick turned and glared icily at Ashley. The chief stood at attention, apprehension flickering in her dark eyes. Nick walked slowly towards her until she stood in front of Ashley’s nose. Despite the fact that the chief was several inches taller than her, Nick’s presence filled out the room.

“Williams, if I were the hard-ass some people think I am I would have you court-martialed for your behavior today with the charges being insubordination and misuse of military equipment,” Nick said coldly. She saw Ashley swallow. “You are fucking lucky, _Gunnery Chief_ , that I am pretty damn lenient, because your behavior was out of line. I don’t give a damn if you and the Lieutenant are best friends; as long as you are on duty you will respect my rank and you damn better respect his rank as well.”

Ashley stood ramrod straight and Nick went on, “If I ever hear you making a comment like earlier over an open channel or like just now in the comm room again, I swear by fucking god I will not be so forgiving. OIC mast will be the least you can expect. Maybe you should consider if your lack of respect for your superiors is the reason you haven’t made Operations Chief yet instead of blaming it on your name.” Nick hesitated a moment before continuing. “Off the record: I don’t care if you compromise my reputation or  my career, but don’t dare do anything to jeopardize Kaidan’s career.”

“Aye-aye, ma’am.” Ashley sounded chastened.

Shepard gave her another hard look. “Dismissed.”

Ashley saluted, executed a perfect about-face and left the cabin. Nick took a deep breath before calling in Kaidan.

He looked just as wary as Ashley, and Nick steeled herself. She had to stay in full Commander-Shepard mode and not be softened by those gorgeous puppy eyes. She let a lot slip, but Kaidan was much more lenient yet than she was. Nick was certain that he would have made Lieutenant Commander already if he were a little more assertive, both with his biotics and with his style of command.

“Staff Lieutenant,” she said, emphasizing his full rank. Nick watched as he pulled himself even straighter, snapping off a perfect salute. She let him stand at attention for a few seconds before ordering him to be at ease. “Do you know why you are here, Alenko?”

“No, ma’am.” He returned her gaze steadily. “I am not sure what I’ve done wrong.”

“Then let me enlighten you.” She walked around him slowly, running her eyes over his body and bit her lip. _Focus, Shepard!_ “I don’t care if Ash is one your best friends or not, but as long as you are on duty you had better remind her that you are a superior officer. _You_ are the head of Normandy’s marine detail. Act like it! If one of _your_ marines is out of line, set them straight! You _earned_ your stripes, don’t let the others forget that.” Her voice softened. “Kaidan, I am not saying that you are supposed to put their noses to the grindstone, but you are too forbearing at times.”

“Aye, Commander.”

“Ash was out of line today. As her immediate superior officer _you_ should have put her in her place.” Nick came to a stop in front of him. “Have I made myself clear?”

“Crystal clear, Commander.”

“Good.” She nodded. “Now, what did the doctor have to say about your injury?”

“A slight concussion. Nothing too serious.” He gave her his typical lopsided smile. “I’m fine.”

Nick caught herself smiling back as she dismissed him.

Kaidan saluted and turned to leave. She drew a breath and added, “And Kaidan, remember we haven’t done anything wrong. Whatever this is between us has nothing to do with you or Garrus getting injured.”

He stopped and looked back at her over his shoulder. “I know that, Shepard.”

She dipped her head in acknowledgment and watched him leave. With a sigh Nick turned around and sat down at her desk to write the latest mission report. She rubbed her hands over her face, wondering if she really was as impartial as she should be. Had it been like this for her parents at some time? As long as she could remember they had never served together under the same command. But before? She truly didn’t know. Maybe she should ask them?

 _And why am I comparing our situation with my parents? For fucks sake, there is no ‘our situation’, dumbass - not yet, anyway._   

Nick groaned in frustration.


	24. Citadel III

Kaidan considered what Nick had told him as he left her cabin and realized she was right; he had neglected his duties as head of the marine detail. He’d let too many remarks of Ashley’s slide and that should not have happened. Friend or not, he was the superior officer. And it was embarrassing that he’d had to be reminded of it.

He headed down to the cargo hold to chat with Ashley about refraining from comments about Shepard and him before going to dinner. Again, Shepard had been right. He should've set Ash right in the comm room.

She wasn’t at her work station, so he didn’t even bother getting off the elevator as Garrus wasn’t to be seen either. Instead he took the elevator back to the crew deck and continued up to the command deck.

As he came closer to the helm he heard Ashley talking. She turned her head to look at him when she heard him approach.

“Kaidan, I’m sorry about earlier. I didn’t mean to get you into trouble with Shepard.” Ashley sounded worried.

“Don’t worry about it, Ash. She barked, but didn’t bite.” He waved her apology aside. “But keep your teasing to off-duty hours from now on.”

Ashley snorted. “Well, alright. But you two really should get it over with and kiss. If somebody on this cruise hasn’t noticed something going on between you two they’d have to be blind or have the emotional range of a spoon. Seriously, the sexual tension is thick enough to cut with a knife.”

Kaidan let himself fall onto the vacant co-pilot seat. “Ash … .”

“We’re off-duty,” she remarked in a sing-song way before he could say anything else.

Joker laughed and Kaidan watched as his friends high-fived each other.

“She got you there, Alenko.” Joker smirked at him.

“Shut up, Moreau.” Kaidan powered up the console in front of him, looking up as his friends cast sideways glances at him. “What?”

“Ash just said you’re off-duty. Why turn on the console?” Joker sounded puzzled.

Kaidan shrugged. “I … find it relaxing?”

_Lame, Alenko._

“You find watching the diagnostics systems relaxing? That’s a lame excuse.” Ashley teased, unknowingly using his own words against him. “I think you need something completely different to relax.” She wriggled her hips and winked. Kaidan shot her a warning glance and was just about to comment, but Ashley continued undeterred. “We’re heading to the Citadel, right? Ask her out for a drink.”

She crossed her arms in front of her and leaned back looking pleased with herself. Kaidan returned his gaze to the console and watched for anomalies in the diagnostics system. He felt Joker and Ashley looking at him expectantly. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t considered it himself. And these were his two best friends; he could go ahead and admit it. He took a deep breath.

“Maybe,” he heard himself answer.

_No good denying it, eh?_

Ashley leaned over and punched him on the shoulder with a grin. “It’s about time!”

*    *    *

Kaidan and Garrus accompanied Nick on her report to Anderson about the Noveria mission. Yes, she had sent a mission report to the Alliance Brass and the Council, but she wasn’t sure if Anderson had been informed. He may not be their CO anymore, but, she told them, she'd much rather report to him than to Udina.

Much to her obvious chagrin the ambassador was also present. Kaidan could tell by the change of her posture. She had seemed almost relaxed when they first walked into the human embassy on the Citadel, obviously expecting Anderson to be alone. The moment Nick heard Udina’s voice Kaidan saw her shoulders tense. Calling the relationship between Shepard and the human ambassador chilly was an understatement - it was more a question of who brought out the heavy weapons first.

Afterwards they made their way to the wards as Nick wanted to check some of the local vendors. She walked briskly ahead of them with a look on her face that could have curdled milk, muttering strings of expletives that were too quiet to catch. Among the snippets Kaidan heard were the words  “fucking asshole” - and that was one of the friendlier ones.

As they walked through one of the hallways a voice hailed Shepard.

“Commander Shepard?”

Nick slowed down a fraction, but did not stop.

“Veronika?” the voice continued. “Nick?”

They turned in unison to face a human male, maybe ten years older than Kaidan. Slowly, Nick approached the man, furrowing her brow in concentration.

“I am sorry, but do I know you?” She sounded genuinely confused and there was more than a hint of annoyance in her voice.

“Ah, you probably don’t remember me. I’m Lieutenant Zabaleta. Or maybe you remember me as Ernesto. Haven’t seen me since you were a kid, well, teenager. I served with your mother.” The man had a slightly haunted expression as he tried to convince her.

Kaidan sized Zabaleta up. The veteran had a run-down look to him and smelled of stale alcohol. He wondered what brand of hell had made the lieutenant seek solace in a bottle.

Nick crossed her arms. “Is that so?”

“Yeah. Back on the Einstein. Twelve, thirteen years back.”

“I take it you’re not in the service anymore?” she inquired.

“Heh.” A strange look crossed Zabaleta’s face. “Yeah, retired. You know how it is. Times are tough,” he added in a quiet tone.

Kaidan watched Shepard’s expression soften just a little. “I didn’t see much of her on that tour. The ship was on patrol most of the time.”

“Listen, kid. I don’t expect you to believe me right away, but ask your mom the next time you talk to her.” Zabaleta wrang his hands, obviously desperate for her to accept his words. “She’d vouch for me.”

Shepard looked at her mother’s former crew mate for a moment before nodding her head. “I will ask her next time I get the chance.”

“Thanks.” Relief flooded Zabaleta’s voice. “I’ll be here. Can’t afford a ticket home anyway.” He glanced away looking shamed. “One more thing … I really hate asking, but … can you maybe spare a few credits? Just twenty or so?”

“I’ll give you some money,” Nick answered. She stepped closer to Zabaleta and looked at him sternly. “Use it to buy _food_. No booze. I will find out.” She gave him some credits and held on to his arm before he could pull away. “If my mother vouches for you I will try to help you as much as I can.” She released him, turned, and walked away, leaving the perplexed veteran behind.

They went on. After checking the vendors Shepard turned to Kaidan and Garrus. “You two remember that salarian, Chorban? The one that asked me to scan the keepers? I want you two to finish that for me. If anybody gives you a hard time tell them you’re doing it on behalf on spectre authority.” She opened her omni-tool and typed a message. “Kaidan, I sent you orders from my spectre account as well as a map with the location of almost twenty keepers. That should be validation enough.”

Kaidan’s omni-tool plinged as it received the message. He accessed his account, marking the message as read. “Sure, Commander. Uh, where will you be?”

“I’m heading back to the Normandy for a chat with my mother. We’ll all meet at Flux later.”

“Of course, Shepard,” Garrus told her.

Nick nodded to both and watched the Alliance marine and the turian walk off together before she went to the next Rapid Travel terminal to summon a cab back to C-Sec.

*    *    *

Nick returned to the Normandy and went to the comm room, ignoring Joker’s inquiries on her returning without the other two.

“Establish a real-time connection with the dreadnought SSV Kilimanjaro. I need to speak to XO Shepard.”

She waited for the call to go through, feeling oddly nervous. This was the first time she had talked to her mother since being assigned to the Normandy, and Hannah Shepard had the uncanny ability always to know if something was up.

“ _SSV Kilimanjaro, XO Shepard speaking_.” Hannah Shepard’s voice answered the call.

“Hey mom. Do you have a minute?”

“ _Veronika, honey! What a lovely surprise, but I don’t have much personal time right now. I’m on duty_ ,” her mother replied.

“Yeah. Tell me about it. I know what that’s like.” Nick let out a short laugh. “It won’t take long. Do you remember a Lieutenant Zabaleta? He claimed to know you from your tour on the Einstein.”

“ _Ernesto? Have you seen him? How is he_?” Her mother voice indicated honest interest. “ _We shared a watch. He was one of the marines that guarded the CIC_.”

“I don’t think he is too well. He appears to have some problems. He asked me to help him out a little money-wise, but I think he was ashamed of asking.”

Her mother sighed. “ _Yes. You see, there was an incident. Do you remember the batarian raid on Mindoir back in 2170? Our task force was one of the first ones to respond to the distress call and Ernesto was among the first ones groundside. We heard about the corralling and the culling. They shot the people they couldn’t use and implanted control devices in the skulls of those they could. Without anesthetic_.” Hannah paused.

“So he suffers from PTSD?”

“ _Yes. He tried working after that, but it rode him. He showed up drunk on duty more and more. We couldn’t always cover for him_.” Nick’s mother sighed. “ _The Alliance discharged him. Everybody knew he drank because of what he had seen on Mindoir, even though he never talked about it. He was always so sensitive. If you see him, tell him we still worry about him. Tell him to go to the Veteran’s Affair Office. I have to go. Stay safe, dear. You are making us so proud._ ”

“Thanks, mom. One more thing? When does your shift end? I … want to ask you something else.” Nick held her breath as she waited for her mother’s response.

“ _Maybe I can squeeze in one more minute. What is it you want to ask_?” Hannah asked.

“When you and dad met, how did you manage? Did you ever serve together on a posting?” Nick blurted out. _Shit, so much for being subtle!_

“ _Nick, did you meet someone_?”

“Uh, maybe?” _I shouldn’t have asked, I shouldn’t have asked._

“ _Veronika Mae_!”

“Okay. Yes. There is someone very … interesting aboard.” Heat crept up her face.

“ _Alliance_?” came the curt inquiry.

Nick had been dreading that question. “Yes.”

There was a longer pause. “ _How serious is it_?”

“It’s nothing at all yet, mom. We’ve talked a lot. And we’re both interested in … getting to know each other better, but we both agreed to wait until the mission is done.”

“ _I see. Nick, I won’t talk you out of this. Your father and I are the last people that have the right talking you out of a relationship with a fellow soldier. But I suggest you have him transferred to another posting. If you’re both serious, then that shouldn’t prove to be a problem. And you won’t be accused of fraternization then. The Alliance may complain, but they won’t do anything else._ " Hannah Shepard implored.

“I’ve already put his name forward for a promotion. And before you ask, yes, he deserves it. He’s a good soldier. He thinks on his feet, he just has to become more assertive. He was being evaluated for a promotion anyway and I guess it should come through within the next few weeks.” Nick shrugged.

It was as though she was trying to shrug off the unease she felt. She didn’t want Kaidan to be assigned to a different posting, but she knew it was the only true possibility for their relationship to progress without being accused of fraternization. But the thought of going into combat without having the choice to bring him along was not a happy one.

“ _Good. I am eager to hear more about this soldier, but now I really have to go. Maybe I’ll do some research of my own._ "

“Mom! No!” There was no response - Hannah Shepard had already cut the connection, leaving her daughter staring at the communication terminal in horror.

With a curse on her lips Nick turned around and returned to the lower Wards where they had met Lieutenant Zabaleta. With some effort she managed to convince him to visit the VAO. Zabaleta didn't believe they would be any real help, but was willing to go there as a favor to her mother.

"All they do is pump you full of meds, but if your mom wants me to go see them, I will. She always was good to me," he told Nick.

"Ernesto - may I call you Ernesto?" Nick asked.

He nodded.

"Counseling is a pain, but if you tell them you want to try therapy without medication first they will agree." She paused. "Believe me. I know what I'm talking about."

His eyes widened as he understood the hidden admittance in Nick's words. To her astonishment he drew himself up and saluted.

She watched him walk away slowly feeling a tinge of sadness. She was well aware that the Alliance didn't do as much as they should for their veterans. She truly hoped the VAO would help him. There were too many vets left alone with their troubles; many of them might have been fit for duty yet if they had received proper counseling early on. Just as she had.

Sometimes she wondered if the quick help she had received after Elysium and again after Akuze had much to do with the fact she came from a high-ranking military family. She hoped not, but suspected otherwise. Nick clenched her fists and forced herself to breath in slowly.

With a sigh Nick exhaled. She pulled up her omni-tool and searched for Kaidan's Alliance extranet address. She mentally ran through the errands she had to complete yet as she went to the elevator and messaged Kaidan.

 **VMShepard** :  Lieutenant, where are you and Garrus?

 **KAlenko** :  Near Barla Von's.

 **VMShepard** :  Stay there. I'm on my way.

She hurried across the Presidium to the financial district and was slightly baffled by the sight of Garrus and Kaidan laughing heartily when she arrived. She slowed to a halt, watching the two men from a short distance as they clapped each other on the back. A gleam of light reflected off Kaidan’s eyes as he looked at her. Her breath hitched as she saw them twinkle brightly.

_Veronika Mae, stay professional!_

"What's so amusing?" Nick asked as she stepped beside them, puzzled and irritated with herself.

"Oh, nothing much," Garrus replied nonchalantly. "We were scanning a keeper at Flux when Alenko's omni-tool picked up a strange signal. So we decided to track it."

"Yeah," Kaidan grinned. "First it lead us down near where we met LT Zabaleta, then here to Barla Von, and finally down a small back alley of the financial district."

"And?" Nick wondered, looking from one to the other. "I don't quite understand what's so funny about this."

"That's because Kaidan hasn't mentioned the best part yet. The part with the murderous AI," Garrus added.

"We thought we were following a trail of unchanneled credits. Then it turns out it was a false lead. Instead we found ourselves dealing with a rogue AI that activated a self-destruct sequence as soon as we were done talking." The lieutenant looked smug. "Not that it proved much of a problem."

"Exactly," Garrus agreed. "We disabled the AI, got a load of credits and scanned almost all keepers on the map. Not bad, if you ask me."

"Yeah. And the last keeper should be just around the corner. Towards the consort's place." Kaidan informed them.

“You two appropriating credits?! I don’t believe it. That’s pretty shady, isn’t it?” Nick stopped, throwing a disbelieving look from one to the other. They looked at each other and then back at Shepard.

Garrus let out an incredulous huff. “Come on, Shepard! You do it all the time.”

With as much dignity as she could muster, Nick threw her head back. “That is something completely different!”

“Of course it is,” Kaidan murmured to Garrus with a grin, winking at her when she glared at him.

"Yes, _lieutenant_ , it is!" she replied as she walked towards the location of the keeper.

***

The bass pounded unrelentingly at Flux. The crowd on the dance floor was a mass of gyrating bodies, illuminated by flashing strobe lights. Kaidan wasn’t fond of clubs, although he had to admit Flux wasn’t that bad. He could at least turn away from the brightest lights that tended to trigger migraines. All in all, it wasn’t the worst place to blow off some steam. But he preferred other ways to spend his off-duty hours.

Kaidan threw a quick glance at the timestamp on his omni-tool and back at the cold beer Ashley set down in front of him. There was a game on soon and he wondered if he should ask Shepard if she wanted to watch it with him. He looked up, searching for her small figure and saw her standing just beside the dance floor.

"Why aren't  you out on the dance floor, LT? Even Shepard is dancing - with Vakarian." Ash nudged him with her elbow as she sat down next to him. "Liara is also there - keeping close to our commander as always. Maybe she wants to dance with her too."

Kaidan rolled his eyes and looked around. "Tali is there as well, Ash, as is half the crew. The only ones that aren't dancing right now are Joker, you, Dr. Chakwas, Adams, Wrex and me."

"Aren't you worried?"

"About what, Ash? She told me that she’s  in no way interested in Liara and I believe her." Kaidan looked past Ashley at the dance floor and his eyes settled on Shepard who was vigorously shaking her head as Garrus dragged her to the middle of the dancefloor.

Ashley followed his gaze and when Kaidan looked back at her he saw a scowl on her face.

"It doesn't bother you at all?" She gestured toward the dancefloor, where Liara was dancing next to Nick. "Knowing you have a crush on the same person while Liara is over there sexily dancing next to Shepard?  And you, “Ashley waved her hand at him, “you're sitting here staring at your omni-tool!"

_Sexily dancing?_

Kaidan cast a puzzled look at Ashley; she was looking at the others again. There was an irritated look on her face which he couldn’t quite place. He followed her gaze and was mildly surprised when he realized she was watching Liara. There was no reason for her to be upset about her dancing so close to Shepard. Unless … no. He tapped his omni-tool. "I have a plan. Don't worry."

Ashley snorted. "C'mon Kaidan! A plan? I don't see you moving your ass over there."

"There's a hockey game on soon. I'll just ask her if she wants to watch it with me," Kaidan answered with a shrug.

Ashley whipped her head around to stare at him. "A hockey game? You have the chance of dancing with your crush and you want to watch a _hockey game_ on your omni-tool instead?"

He was just about to reply when Nick came back to the table. She fell into to seat next to Kaidan, throwing him an exasperated look. "Thanks for the rescue, Alenko."

"I can make it up to you, Shepard." He waved his omni-tool. "Canucks against the Blackhawks in about five minutes."

Nick gaped at him and then grinned slowly. "We need more beer. And Alenko? Your Canucks are going down." Kaidan shook his head as she turned toward Ashley. "Chief, get us some more beer, would ya?"

Kaidan smirked at Ashley triumphantly.

 Kaidan activated his omni-tool and they scooted closer together so both had a good view of the game. Luckily they were already sitting in one of the darker corners of Flux.

As the game progressed they moved closer together yet. Their heads almost touched and the soft glow of the omni-tool bathed them in orange light. Kaidan inhaled and caught a scent of oranges and spices. He closed his eyes briefly, focusing on the fragrance that surrounded Nick.

It was warm yet sharp and it fit her personality perfectly.

Kaidan looked up and saw Garrus, Joker and Ashley grinning at each other. He couldn't suppress another smirk as he returned their gaze.

Suddenly Nick exclaimed, "What! Is the ref fucking blind?!" She pulled Kaidan's arm closer to get a better look.

"The call was fine, Shepard," Kaidan argued. "And the check was regular."

"Shut up, lieutenant. No way that check was regular." She sat back. "We need a bigger screen. It's almost time for the first intermission. We can make it back to the ship in time for the second period." Shepard paused, tapping her finger on her pursed lips thoughtfully. "You. Me. Normandy comm room. Now."

Nick didn't wait. She got up and looked at Kaidan expectantly. "Are you waiting for a written invitation or do I have to order you to get your ass to the Normandy?"

She turned and headed for the exit leaving it to Kaidan to follow her. He stole a quick glance at their friends before getting up and leaving as well.

Ash held on to his arm as he passed her and whispered into his ear audibly, "Behave yourself. Or better yet, don't!"

Kaidan turned to look at his friend. Shaking his head with a grin and a roll of his eyes he shook her hand off of his arm.

He found Nick waiting just outside Flux. She was staring at the floor but lifted her head to look  at him as he drew closer, a smile playing on her lips. He breathed in slowly and forced himself to look away from her mouth.

"Nice to see you decided to come along," she greeted him. "You know I could kiss you for getting me out of there."

"Was there any doubt about that? I wouldn't miss the opportunity of some time alone with my beautiful CO." Kaidan quickly shut his mouth, fearing having said too much but she smiled and his heart skipped a beat.

He couldn't keep his eyes from darting back to her mouth.

His heart pounded and blood rushed in his ears as Nick unabashedly hooked her arm around his as they walked to the nearest rapid transport terminal. Her words bounced around his head; _'I could kiss you'_. Kaidan struggled to push the words out of his mind, but he wanted nothing more than to feel her lips on his.

The Normandy was deserted when they arrived except for a handful of marines on guard duty. Kaidan followed a few steps behind Shepard as they entered the CIC, struggling to keep his eyes from roaming over her body.

_I could kiss you._

Those words still rang in his ears and, lost in thought, he absently saluted the marine guarding the CIC as he watched her swaying hips disappear around the corner to the comm room. Kaidan hesitated before entering the room, taking some time to get his emotions under control again. Taking a deep breath, he stepped into the comm room. Shepard had already powered up the console and the game appeared on screen.

Nick looked around the room and then at Kaidan. "Chairs or floor?"

"I ... what?"

"Where do you want to sit? On the seats," Nick stood in the middle of the room and pointed at the chairs they used during debriefings, "or on the floor?" She pointed at the floor.

"Uh ... floor?" he asked uncertainly. It didn't look like Shepard planned to sit on the seats.

"Perfect. This is perfect." Nick dropped to the floor, pulling him down next to her as she sat down with crossed legs. She looked at him with shining eyes, "Seriously, Kaidan. This was a great idea. Thank you."

Kaidan swallowed and tried to focus on the game, and after a few minutes he began to relax. He could almost ignore the fact that Shepard was using him as as backrest.

Until the Canucks scored a goal.

Nick sat up straight, cursing at the referee. Kaidan only felt the absence of her body leaning against his. Almost absentmindedly he argued that the goal was regular.

Suddenly she turned her head to look at him and she was so close. So close. His eyes flicked to her mouth only to see her tongue dart out to wet them. Before he knew what he was doing he tilted his head just a fraction and leaned closer, their noses brushing against each other lightly.

He could feel her warm breath on his face, smell her warm, spicy fragrance, and again his heart thundered in his chest. It beat so hard he was certain she could hear it.

Kaidan closed his eyes in anticipation of the kiss and felt her lips brush against his in a feathery caress when the Normandy VI interrupted their moment:

" _Flight Lieutenant Moreau is aboard. Gunnery Chief Williams is aboard. Head Physician Dr. Chakwas is aboard. Garrus Vakarian is aboard."_

They jerked apart as if they had been stung.

Kaidan glanced at the floor, cursing silently as Shepard scrambled to her feet. He swallowed hard and climbed to his beside her, shuffling awkwardly.

He felt her take his hand, giving it a squeeze. Kaidan looked up to see her smile at him with a light flush on her cheeks. She was gorgeous.

"We can still watch the game," Nick said quietly. "As for everything else," her smile grew wider, "We'll have more chances yet."

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as he returned her smile, "I believe we will, Nick."


	25. Geth Incursions

Chapter 25. Geth Incursions **  
**

 

Nick slowly let go of Kaidan’s hand and stepped away,  putting a more professional distance between them. She ignored the odd sensation in her stomach; a churning mix of frustration and amusement. The only consolation was she saw the same emotions playing across  his face. She watched as Kaidan looked at the vid screen, his features tightening momentarily, before he looked back with a neutral expression. **  
**

A few moments later the bulkhead opened, revealing Garrus and Ashley. **  
**

"We aren't interrupting anything, are we?" Ashley asked innocently.  **  
**

Kaidan glared at her but remained silent, and Ashley’s mouth began to grin widely. He shifted uncomfortably and rolled his eyes, certain she’d hoped to catch them out. **  
**

"Nope," Nick replied drily. "Just ... hockey talk." She turned around and winked at Kaidan.  **  
**

"Oh,"  Ashley sounded disappointed and her grin faded. She turned to Garrus, "I told you we should've waited." **  
**

Kaidan and Nick shared an awkward look. Kaidan cleared his throat. "Uh, right. Are you going to watch the remaining game with us?" **  
**

Ashley shook her head with a short laugh. "You've got to be kidding, LT. I’m not into hockey." **  
**

With a wave of her hand she turned to leave. Garrus on the other hand stayed and Kaidan and Nick spent the large part of the last period explaining the game. The turian looked at the other two, shaking his head in disbelief. **  
**

"Why? Why would anyone want to do that? Play sports on ice?” Garrus gestured at the vid screen weakly, sounding horrified. **  
**

Kaidan looked at him confused. “Why not?” **  
**

“Because it’s cold, that’s why. Turians aren’t made for cold weather. That said, Xawin was my definition of hell.” the turian shook himself at the thought. He looked at the two humans. “Can either of you do that? Ice skate?” **  
**

Nick shook her head. "Nope. Well, not really. I haven’t done it since I was a teen and I was always really bad at it." They both turned their heads to look at Kaidan. **  
**

"I can skate," Kaidan answered with a shrug. "I played hockey as a kid. And again in college. The only time I didn't play was at BAaT. I still play at every opportunity I get to be honest. Which isn't that often, unfortunately." He looked wistful. **  
**

Nick cast a surprised look at him as he mentioned BAaT. "Does Garrus know about BAaT?" **  
**

"Kaidan and I don't only talk about tech, Shepard. We've talked about BAaT and C-Sec." Garrus told her, clicking his mandibles. **  
**

She felt her cheeks flush with embarrassment, because she had assumed exactly that and now she felt foolish. She threw a quick glance at Kaidan who stood in his typical stance with crossed arms with a small grin playing on his lips. She thought of how close he had been to kissing her and quickly looked away, drawing a breath. **  
**

_Stay professional. **  
**_

"How did you get Ash out of Flux? She loves that place," Kaidan asked, drawing Garrus' attention away from Nick. **  
**

Garrus laughed quietly in his two-toned voice. "I think she really wanted to walk in on you two. Otherwise I doubt she would've left. She was enjoying the dancefloor quite a bit with Liara and Tali." **  
**

They laughed, but Nick wished they had come a few minutes later. At least then she could have kissed Kaidan properly. She bit down on her bottom lip. **  
**

Most of the remaining crew had returned by the time the game was over. There were only a handful of crew members missing when Joker called over the intercom. **  
**

“Commander, the Council is on the line for you. Do you want me to patch them through?” **  
**

Nick pulled a face and sighed. “Patch ‘em through.” **  
**

She turned towards the communication terminal and straightened her uniform. Kaidan and Garrus walked over  to the bulkhead, ready to leave, but she glanced over her shoulder and shook her head. Then she signaled them to step closer again and activated the terminal. **  
**

Instantly the images of the three Councilors became visible and the curt voice of Councilor Tevos greeted Shepard. “Commander, we have information for you that may be critical to your mission against Saren.” **  
**

“Is that so? And so suddenly? You haven’t exactly been bending over backwards to help us, so why now?” Nick’s voice had an icy tone to it, but with less hostility than when she spoke to Udina.  **  
**

The salarian councilor frowned disapprovingly at Shepard. “We have received an urgent message from one of the infiltration units in the Traverse.” **  
**

Nick leaned back, folding her arms in front of her. “Uh-huh.” **  
**

“Spectres tend to draw attention, Commander,” Tevos explained in a placating voice. “For monitoring developing situations it is often better to send Special Task Groups” **  
**

“We currently have several STG units scattered throughout the border regions of Citadel space,” Councilor Valern informed them. “This unit was collecting information about Saren.” **  
**

“And?” Nick sounded annoyed. “What did they find? Or am I supposed to guess?” **  
**

“Unfortunately,” the salarian councilor continued, ignoring the interruption, “the message we received was little more than static. The infiltration team must be in a situation where they can’t set up proper interstellar communications. But the message was sent on a channel reserved for mission-critical information. Whatever they were trying to tell us, we know it was important. Considering your interest in Saren we thought you might want to investigate this.” Valern paused. “Find out what happened to our team. The signal originated from the planet Virmire.” **  
**

Shepard nodded. “We’ll look into it.” **  
**

Tevos spoke again. “The Council would prefer not to become involved in the specifics of Spectre activities. We only want you to be aware of all options, including Virmire. Good luck, Commander Shepard. We will keep you advised if we learn anything else.” **  
**

The connection was cut and Nick stood there a moment considering the information. **  
**

"Computer, set up a real-time connection with Captain Anderson." Nick waited silently for the call to be put through. The only thing that gave away any indication of her mood were her clenched fists.  **  
**

When the former CO answered the call he didn't look surprised to see her. "Commander, I thought you might call. What can I do for you?" **  
**

"Do you know anything about Virmire?" she inquired, cutting straight to the chase. **  
**

Anderson sighed. "No. Unfortunately not. I'd never heard of Virmire until the Council mentioned it." **  
**

"Why didn't you mention it when I reported to you earlier?" annoyance crept into her voice again. 

"I didn't have the info at that time," Anderson replied curtly. "If I hear anything essential, I'll let you know." **  
**

"Yeah, of course. Sorry,” she replied sullenly, irritated with herself that she hadn’t thought of that. Hours had passed since she had reported to the captain and this information was obviously fresh. **  
**

“Veronika, keep your chin up. You’ll get it done. Good hunting.” **  
**

She cut the connection just as Joker’s voice sounded over the intercom. **  
**

“Commander, Admiral Hackett is on the line for you.” ****

“Did I win some kind of popularity contest?” Nick muttered, still disgruntled by the condescending manner of the Councilors, the lack of information from Anderson and, to a certain degree, by Ashley’s and Garrus’ interruption. She straightened her shoulders and put on her Commander-Shepard face before she answered the call. **  
**

They listened as the admiral informed Shepard about a geth incursion in the Armstrong cluster. She agreed that it was worth looking into given the connection between the geth and Saren. Now the question was should they go to assist an STG unit or deal with the geth beach head in the Armstrong Cluster before the incursions could become a full-fledged invasion? **  
**

Nick took a deep breath and made her choice. **  
**

"Joker, get us to the Armstrong Nebula." She turned to Kaidan and Garrus. "Looks like we get to hunt more geth." **  
**

***

Nearly two weeks later the Normandy entered the Armstrong Nebula, course set for the Gagarin system. Shepard called her team together for a run-down after Joker informed her they were nearing the planet Rayingri. She met Kaidan’s eyes as he stepped into the comm room, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He sat down in the seat next to her, expression neutral as he watched the others enter as well. **  
**

He was so tantalizingly close. She could smell the spicy scent of his aftershave and the hint of ozone from his biotics. Nick shuddered, hoping no one would notice. They hadn’t had much time alone the past two weeks; only odd moments here and there. A random touch when passing a data pad to the other, furtive smiles at each other over the table at mealtimes. They hadn’t had a single late-night chat in that time. Maybe for the better, she thought. She craved the memory of that almost-kiss, but was aware that the faster they got the mission done the faster they would be able to figure out how to proceed. **  
**

_Pull yourself together, Shepard._ **  
**

“I want tech experts on my team as we’ll be facing mostly geth. Tali, that means you’re in,” she told the quarian. Nick let her eyes roam over her other squad mates, fleeting back and forth between Kaidan and Garrus. After a short moment her eyes settled on Kaidan, “And Alenko. I want a biotic along just in case somebody has to be thrown through the air.” **  
**

He nodded his head once. **  
**

“We should reach Rayingri in about half an hour, so get ready to suit up. Dismissed.” She watched as her team filed out, sensing some disappointment from some of the others. She would have to speak with them once she and the shore party returned to the ship.  **  
**

With a sigh Nick followed and headed to her cabin to grab her armor.  **  
**

As she walked past the mess she saw Kaidan speaking to the mess sergeant who was handing him energy bars for biotics by the handful. Nick smiled to herself as she skimmed over his body with her eyes, taking in his broad shoulders and near perfect backside.  Her smile turned into a grin as she walked into her cabin. **  
**

Grabbing her gear she forced herself to focus on the task at hand and almost collided with Kaidan in front of the elevator. Together they headed down to the armory where Tali was already waiting for them and prepared for the drop. **  
**

They landed on Rayingri’s barren surface with the Mako, the planet’s sun standing low over the horizon bathing everything in a red light. Tali monitored the Mako’s life control systems while Kaidan had control of the weapons. Nick was aware he would’ve prefered watching life support, but life wasn’t always a bowl of cherries; and she wanted someone with proper training operating the mass-accelerator cannon. Just in case. **  
**

The planet seemed desolate despite the comparatively temperate climate and promising mineral deposits. They stumbled over several scavenger  camps, which had been long abandoned. But they didn’t encounter any geth. **  
**

They drove on until they came across a road leading up a slope lined by beacons. Shepard slowed the Mako, not trusting the lack of hostile forces. **  
**

“Tali? Still no sign of geth activity?” she asked skeptically. **  
**

The quarian answered in the negative. Nick shrugged and accelerated the Mako up the slope until they reached the top of the hill. She cursed as she saw dragon’s teeth outside a underground facility. That didn’t bode well. She carefully maneuvered the Mako around a number of crates, driving up close to the entrance before ordering her shore party to disembark the vehicle. Nick softly nudged Kaidan, gesturing towards the dragon’s teeth surrounding the facility. He nodded, expression grim. **  
**

“I want this to be your call, Lieutenant,” she said quietly. “How would you proceed if this was your mission?” He shot her a questioning look and she nodded encouragingly, leaning back to wait for Kaidan’s tactical evaluation. He cleared his throat as Tali looked back and forth between them expectantly. **  
**

“Tali,” Kaidan called out. “Concentrate on Damping and Sabotage to slow down the husks. I’ll focus on Overload, Neural Shock and my biotics.” **  
**

“And Shepard?” Tali turned toward her. **  
**

Kaidan looked at Nick. “The Commander finishes them off with her assault rifle.” **  
**

“Not my assault rifle,” Nick objected and pulled her shotgun, gripping it tightly. She put all her confidence in her voice as she answered. “You two slow them down and knock them off their feet. I’ll make sure they stay down. Be sure to grab some extra grenades." **  
**

They entered the facility; it’s antechamber was deserted and boxes lay scattered across the floor. The sound of shuffling feet from the main chamber grabbed their attention. It wasn’t the patter of shoes on the ground; it was softer, like bare feet being dragged across the ground; a dry rasping shuffle. No other sounds could be heard. No conversations of the staff, nothing, and Nick felt the icy certainty they had all been transformed.  **  
**

They were too late. _Again._   **  
**

Cautiously they entered the main chamber. The room was filled with work consoles, and the sound of their cooling systems filled the air with a gentle buzz.  **  
**

Kaidan passed her and took point. No sooner had he gone a few steps into the room when they heard the strangled combination between a moan and a cry that was so typical for husks. Kaidan instantly fell back to cover again, pulling a tech grenade from his belt and opening his omni-tool with the flick of his wrist. **  
**

Tali did the same thing. **  
**

Three husks shambled into view and Kaidan tossed his primed tech grenade, letting it explode as it fell between them. The husks stumbled and Tali sent out her attack. A fourth husk came running from the other side only to be shot at close range by Nick. It didn’t get up and she turned to see if Kaidan and Tali needed help with the first three husks. She grinned as she saw one lying motionless on the floor and the other two cartwheeling through the air, wrapped in blue. **  
**

They encountered four more husks in the back part of the chamber and had just taken down two when the door leading to the further part of the facility opened and more came rushing into the main room, their piercing howls chilling Nick to the bone. Her mouth went dry as she saw the sheer mass of clawing hands, glowing eyes and gaping mouths pouring into the room, and she fought the impulse to turn and run. She brought up her shotgun, firing shot after shot as she retreated slowly. **  
**

Kaidan caught several in a Throw, propelling them back through the acrid air while Tali used another tech attack on the remaining group and Nick moved in close for the kill shots. **  
**

Adrenaline pulsed through her veins like a drug with every heartbeat. Finally the rush of husks ended and Nick took a deep breath after the last hostile fell. She turned her head in time to see Kaidan sweeping his omni-tool through the air in a half circle and cocked her to the side.

"All clear," he confirmed, answering her silent question, and they continued through the research facility.  **  
**

They had almost returned to the main chamber when her HUD lit up and she heard Kaidan's hoarse whisper of, "Hostiles!" **  
**

The chamber was overrun with geth, forcing them to use every skill they had. The air that had almost cleared from the fight against the husks grew bitter with the smell of burning circuits and the billowing smoke of tech explosions. Tali hacked one geth destroyer, while Kaidan Lifted the other one after Sabotaging its weapons.  **  
**

They fought their way through the geth but stopped short at the entrance. The security doors made it impossible even for Kaidan's high end military-grade omni-tool to gain useful readings from outside, and they had no way of knowing  what awaited them. He looked over at Tali, who shook her head. No readings. **  
**

They exchanged quick glances before Nick hit the door panel and were welcomed by the sight of a geth dropship leaving the vicinity. They sprinted for cover as a rocket soared towards their position.  The shock wave from its explosion washed over them; knocking Nick off her feet. With more luck than anything else she used the momentum to execute a shoulder roll forwards into cover. **  
**

She breathed hard as she peeked around the Mako to scope out the area and pegged the locations of all hostiles. They engaged in a brief firefight enhanced with tech and biotics before climbing into the Mako, ready for pick up. Unfortunately this had only been one outpost and according to the data they had found there were more within the Armstrong nebula yet.  **  
**

They would have to continue their hunt in neighboring systems. **  
**

*    *    * **  
**

“Commander,” Joker’s voice rang over the intercom, “We’ve entered the Grissom system. ETA is fifty minutes.”

Nick thanked him and sat back thoughtfully, putting the reports she had been working on to the side. They had spent almost a week seeking and destroying geth outposts in every other system of the nebula before they had enough data to back track the signal to this location; a large moon orbiting the planet Notanban. She felt uneasy. Wih every passing day it felt as if time was running through her hands like sand. **  
**

It _had_ to be the main center of operations. **  
**

She decided to tell her tech team to suit up in person instead of calling them together over the intercom.  **  
**

Nick left her cabin and was pleasantly surprised to see Kaidan and Tali sitting at the mess table with Chief Engineer Adams and several crew members from engineering, a mass of data pads lying between coffee cups and trays. **  
**

Kaidan must have sensed her approaching. He turned his head away from the conversation and looked straight at her, a small grin on his lips. She couldn't help but smile in reaction to his lop-sided smirk, though she quickly put on an impassive face. **  
**

"CHENG," she addressed Adams, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to steal Tali and Lieutenant Alenko for a mission." They both looked at her expectantly as she turned to face them. "Suit up. We're hitting dust in twenty five minutes.” Tali and Kaidan excused themselves and walked to the elevator. Nick let her eyes roam over the littered table and turned back to the chief engineer. “Something I should know about?” she asked, gesturing at the number of data pads in front of her. **  
**

Adams shook his head. “No, ma’am. We’re just trying to optimize a computing process. Are you sure I can’t have the Lieutenant in engineering?" **  
**

The corners of her mouth twitched in amusement. “Nope.” **  
**

“I didn’t think so,” Adams sighed. “Tali is a real jewel. She can teach my people one thing or the other, but stick her together with Alenko and they have brilliant ideas. If they don’t start arguing over omni-tools that is,” he added as an afterthought.   **  
**

Nick laughed, clapped him on the shoulder and turned to followed her team. **  
**

The first thing that met her eyes as she stepped off of the elevator was the lieutenant stripped down to his skivvies as he pulled on his underarmor. Her eyes widened in appreciation and she quickly glanced at Tali, who was leaning casually against her locker and chatting to Kaidan. The quarian had no need to change suits - her environmental suit was all she required apart from her weapons. **  
**

Nick quickly suited up and was trying to adjust the final piece of armor when she heard Kaidan’s voice behind her. **  
**

“Hold on, Commander. The strap is twisted. It won’t seal properly like that.”  **  
**

“Thank you, Alenko.” She lowered her hand as he stepped closer to unclasp the buckle. She felt him securing the buckle again and then run his hands over the seams of her armor, checking the closures. **  
**

She was aware she enjoyed those short moments more than she should; the thought of his hands running over her body sent shivers of delight down her spine. Arousal pooled low in her stomach as she recalled the light brush of his lips against hers and she imagined his hand traveling this path without her wearing any armor. **  
**

“I hope this moon is more pleasant than the last planet we were on,” Tali commented, pulling Nick out of her reverie. **  
**

_Focus on the mission, dammit! **  
**_

“What?” Kaidan remarked drily, humor sparkling in his eyes. “You didn’t enjoy Antibaar?”  **  
**

He gave Nick a double-pat on her back and she wondered if he was really as unfazed as he appeared. The quarian tilted her head to the side but didn’t say anything as they climbed into the Mako. **  
**

*    *    * **  
**

Nick halted the Mako on a ridge overlooking a facility guarded by two geth Colossus and three manned sniper towers. **  
**

She was aware they couldn’t stay outside of the Mako for longer periods of time as Solcrum’s surface was scorching hot, but she wanted to use the precision of her sniper rifle to even the odds and this was a perfect spot; a natural wall offering cover. She  pulled on her helmet and grabbed her sniper rifle. **  
**

Kaidan looked incredulous. “Commander, you can’t be serious! The surface temperature is well above 300°. Your armor isn’t - ”

“I’ll be fine,” she cut in. She ignored any further protest of her shore party and disembarked the Mako, ordering them to stay put.  **  
**

“Damn it, Shepard!” she heard Kaidan swear and almost turned around in surprise. He never swore. **  
**

Shepard moved into cover as a siege pulse passed over her head, and quickly assembled her sniper rifle. She cast a look at her suit’s environmental surveillance system; there was enough time. **  
**

She zeroed in on the first geth and breathed in, preparing herself for the first shot. **  
**

Breathe out. Hold. Fire.  **  
**

One down. **  
**

Repeating this twice more she took down the other two geth rocket troopers before scrambling back into the Mako. She almost bumped together with Kaidan, who held his breather helmet in his hands, obviously preparing to leave the Mako. Sweat ran in streams down her back and her breath came in rapid gasps. She pulled off her helmet, the air within the Mako cool on her skin. Kaidan put his helmet back on its hook and opened his omni-tool instead. **  
**

“We could’ve done that with the Mako’s cannon,” there was a clear reprimand in Kaidan’s voice as he scanned her with his omni-tool, brow creased. It stood in odd contrast to the tender touch as he felt her pulse, counting silently. **  
**

“I’m fine,” she rasped. **  
**

“Bullshit, Shepard,” his voice was rough and she looked at him in surprise. His amber eyes were dark with emotion as he returned her gaze.  **  
**

What was it she saw in his eyes? Anger? Fear?  **  
**

“That,” he gestured outside, “was reckless.” **  
**

Anger welled up inside her. "It was my evaluation. I knew I could do it within the time limit given by the environmental circumstances." **  
**

"In any regular life-supporting environment I'd agree,” he argued. “Or even if two of us were snipers. But in this case using the Mako should have been the obvious choice. Your Colossus armor is not made for these temperatures. Any longer and you would've cooked in there. You’re already showing signs of heat exhaustion," he was almost growling. "You placed yourself and the mission in unnecessary danger. It was arrogance." **  
**

Nick felt as if she had been slapped. "I don't think I like your tone, Lieutenant. I know what I can do and how much time I need to do it. That's the end of this discussion and you are out of line. Have I made myself clear?" **  
**

“And what if you hadn’t gotten a clear shot on all tangos? What then, Shepard?” Kaidan demanded in a low voice. **  
**

“I said enough!” she couldn’t believe it. **  
**

They glared at each other. The only sounds were the whirr of the Mako’s life support system and the quiet sound of Tali shuffling uncomfortably in her seat. **  
**

"Yes ma'am," Kaidan answered through gritted teeth. **  
**

The air was thick with tension as Nick hulled the Mako down and kept it behind the ridge, rising just high enough for Kaidan to get clear firing-solutions on the two Colossus. **  
**

“We have to break cover, Commander,” he let her know after the first colossus collapsed to the ground. “The second colossus is still on the far side of the base. I can’t get a clear shot like this.” **  
**

Wordlessly Nick drove over the ridge and closer to the outpost to draw the remaining colossus out. She circled slowly while Kaidan whittled it down with the machine gun and cannon. As soon as it was down Nick sped the Mako as close as possible to the facility’s entrance.  **  
**

She gave Kaidan a seething look as she pulled on her helmet. She was still furious as she fastened her weapons in their holsters, but the focus of her anger had changed. Now she was angry at herself because he was right. **  
**

It _had_ been arrogant. **  
**

They entered the outpost and barely had time to take cover when a Geth Destroyer fired a rocket at them. Kaidan and Tali aimed a tech attack at the destroyer, Sabotaging its weapons.  **  
**

Nick pulled her sniper rifle and dropped on one knee.  **  
**

“You synthetic sonofabitch.” She whispered as she put the destroyer in her crosshairs. She was so intent on her prey that she hardly noticed the hopper zoning in on her until she saw a flash of blue energy streak past her. Kaidan caught the geth in a Lift and repeatedly fired his pistol at it, while Tali hacked another, turning it against its own for a short time. **  
**

Cover was minimal inside the chamber as the cargo crates crumbled under a few shots. Nick ducked into cover behind one box as it collapsed, revealing another destroyer behind it. She swore loudly and rolled off to the side to evade enemy fire. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Kaidan bathed in the blueish glow of his biotics as he Threw the destroyer back, giving her the chance to bring up her rifle for a shot. **  
**

Tali took down a stalker with her shotgun and had engaged a third destroyer when a shot from the balcony hit her, ripping through her shields and armor. She cried out in pain as a second shot hit home. **  
**

“Tali!” Nick yelled as she swivelled her sniper rifle to the side and aimed at the last destroyer. Kaidan hurled a Sabotage at it, taking out its weapons for a brief time. He rushed to Tali’s position and pulled her into cover behind a pillar. Shepard could hear him talking to her in a low voice as he checked her injury. **  
**

Nick blocked out their conversation, catching only the words ‘antibiotics’ and ‘infection’. After the last destroyer was finally down she turned her attention to the balcony on the upper level - and the juggernaut on it. Kaidan could take care of Tali’s wounds, she would take care of the remaining enemy forces. Nick scoped out the room one more time and sighted a geth hopper lurking at the far end. She was about ready to pull the trigger when the hopper changed positions. Nick called out a warning, but Kaidan was already swathed in undulating blue. **  
**

She returned her focus on the juggernaut and calmly took it down with a few well-placed shots. **  
**

Silence fell. **  
**

Nick hurried to Kaidan and Tali; the young quarian was sitting upright and the lieutenant was packing away his medi kit. **  
**

“Will you be all right?” she asked Tali, worried. She didn’t know much about quarians, but she knew they were very vulnerable to infections. **  
**

“I’ll be fine,” Tali replied. Her voice sounded strained. “I have some antibiotics and I’ve sealed off the  damaged section of my enviro-suit. With the medigel Kaidan gave me I’ll be fine.” **  
**

Nick glanced at Kaidan. He had walked over to a terminal and was inspecting it. She watched as he opened his omni-tool and hacked the data terminal. He downloaded the data and turned to face her, his expression guarded. He nodded once, signaling he was done. **  
**

“Tali, you rest here while Alenko and I scour the facility for further information,” Nick ordered and got up, walking over to Kaidan. “Anything interesting, Lieutenant?” she inquired, trying to sound casual. **  
**

“Possibly,” he met her gaze and opened his mouth to say something, but snapped it shut again. He glanced at the data he had pulled from the console. “I’ll have to run it through Normandy’s computer. The files are too complex for my omni-tool.” **  
**

“I see,” Nick replied, her tone frostier than she had intended. “Let’s see what we can find so we can get off this rock.” She marched off, annoyed with herself. Why had she snapped at him like that? She wasn’t angry at him, but he couldn’t know that. They searched the remaining building for more evidence silently before returning to Tali. **  
**

Nick pulled up her radio to contact Joker. “Joker? We’re ready for pick up. Send me the coordinates. And once we’re aboard set course for Virmire.”

 ****  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	26. Capt. Kirrahe

With a sigh Kaidan watched as Nick slammed her weapons down on the weapons bench and began removing her armor in record speed. She didn't ask him to help with the more difficult closures as she usually did. He was certain she was upset with him for what he said on Solcrum.

_You just couldn't keep your mouth shut, could you? Idiot._

Kaidan carefully followed suit and began changing into his uniform, unclipping the separate parts of his hardsuit slowly, almost thoughtfully. Maybe he should apologize? No. He had been right, he was certain about that. Using the Mako would have been the safer choice. Though, perhaps he shouldn't have called her arrogant.

Nick got up after pulling on her uniform and left wordlessly. She didn't even glance at him.

_Great. Just great._

Ashley came over and sat down next to him as he watched Nick get into the elevator. He held his boot in his hand absently.

"Okay, LT, what happened? Trouble in paradise?" Ashley asked quietly.

"We're on duty, Ash. Just leave it." Kaidan replied wearily. He didn't feel like talking about it now and he hoped Ashley would catch on, but considering how his luck with women was going today he doubted it.

Ashley didn't respond. She sat next to him silently and stared at him.

"I'll tell you later, okay?" he offered.

She still didn't move.

"All right," he sighed and ran the back of his hand over his forehead. "I criticized a decision she made and said it was arrogant. That's it."

Ashley's jawed dropped and she blinked at him, dumbfounded. "You told  _Shepard_  her decision was  _arrogant_? Are you out of your mind? That's not something to tell your crush, LT, much less your CO."

"Yeah," he muttered as he got up. "As if I didn't know that myself."

It was clear by the next day that Shepard's mood hadn't improved, nor the day after that. The only thing she said to him, apart from strictly professional conversations, was to ask him to pass the hot sauce at mealtimes. She didn't even look at him and addressed him by his rank instead of his name.

Kaidan groaned inwardly. This wasn't what he had hoped for and he wondered how long she would give him the cold shoulder; he wasn't keen on having her upset at him. What if he had messed things up before they really had a chance to get anything started? He hoped not, though he couldn't quite suppress this cold feeling in his gut as he thought about it. But obviously  _he_  would have to make the first move if he wanted her to speak to him again.

If she wanted him to apologize, then he would do that.

After dinner he went to his workstation on the crew deck. It had been faulty again during the day and now he had the time to pry it apart once more. This was ridiculous. It would work fine for several days or until they jumped a mass relay and then he had to recalibrate it. He was setting the final parameters when he heard Shepard's voice.

_This is your chance._

"Shepard?" Kaidan called out as she walked past his workstation. "Do you have a minute?"

She stopped, but didn't turn to face him. "Is it related to the mission, Lieutenant?" Her voice was … controlled, almost emotionless.

His heart sank a bit both at the tone of her voice as well as the use of his rank. She usually called him by his name, often even his first name. Straightening his shoulders he took a step closer to her and spoke in a low voice. "No, not exactly, but - "

"If it isn't strictly related to the mission, then I don't have time for it," she cut him off. Without sparing him a glance she continued to her cabin, the bulkhead closing behind her with a swoosh. He was sure if had been a real door it would've banged shut.

Kaidan swallowed the lump that seemed to be building in his throat. He knew she had a temper, but this wasn't going as he had hoped.

Not at all.

* * *

It took three more days to reach the Hoc system in the Sentry Omega cluster, just on the border between the Attican Traverse and the Terminus Systems. Three more days of Shepard snubbing him. After three days of silence Kaidan's mood had reached the lowest point on the cruise so far.

To make matters worse, everybody seemed tense, as though the thought of investigating why a STG unit couldn't set up proper communication relays made the crew nervous. In the best case it was due to atmospheric conditions, in the worst case it could mean a large number of enemy forces.

Kaidan had buried himself in work the past few days to take his mind off the fact that Shepard was still giving him the cold shoulder. For some reason he couldn't put his finger on, he had a bad feeling about this mission. He didn't know what it was, but something about it turned his insides into an icy mass.

Or, more likely, it was the unresolved argument between Shepard and himself.

He sat at the mess table with Garrus waiting for his shift to start when Nick came around the corner. Kaidan watched her surreptitiously as she went to the coffee machine to pour herself a coffee and wrinkle her nose in disgust, aware that Garrus was watching them both.

The turian had told him earlier that she would come around soon. Kaidan hoped so; he also suspected that she happened to have the same tendency to hold grudges as his sister. Erin sometimes hadn't talked to him for a full week when they were kids over things as simple as him eating her favorite cereal.

To his surprise Nick sat down next to him at the table, the hint of a smile on her face when she looked at him.

_You're imagining things, Alenko._

"Is something wrong with the coffee, Commander?" he asked, his mouth wandering off on its own again, back to the first he asked her that question. He half expected her to shut him down as she had every time he had tried talking to her the past five days. Instead, another smile fleeted over her face and she answered.

"The same as usual, Lieutenant."

Unconsciously, he smiled in return as these five words gave him hope again.

" _Commander, we're twenty minutes out from Virmire._ " Joker interrupted them over the intercom.

"Thank you, Joker," she replied before looking at the other two. "You heard the man. Finish up what has to be done and suit up. I want you two with me groundside." She got up and took her half-empty mug away, dumping the remaining liquid into the sink.

Kaidan shifted in his seat, but didn't take his eyes off her. At least she still wanted him on her ground team and she had talked to him again. With this small gleam of hope he went to the cargo bay with Garrus.

"I wonder what Saren could want here," Garrus commented as he filled his pockets with spare rounds. "If a STG unit requests help we should be prepared for trouble."

"I haven't the faintest idea. Maybe there's another prothean relic here?" Kaidan replied as he pulled off his shirt. "And these Salarians, are they really so tough? They look so … ," he paused as he searched for the adequate word. "Frail, flimsy."

Garrus cast a surprised look at him and prepared to answer, but he wasn't the one that spoke.

"They are the best infiltration units you can find; highly efficient, flexible and they will do whatever is necessary to get a job done. Just like any of our elite troops, Lieutenant." Nick's voice sounded behind Kaidan. He hadn't heard the elevator and had been unaware she was approaching. Her voice had a professional, almost cold, tone to it again and he found it hard to believe that that short conversation - if you could call it that - in the mess had ever happened.

"Of course, Commander," he responded as he felt the heat of a blush creeping up from his collar. He glanced at her as she took off her shirt, his eyes following the curve of her neck down to the swell of her breasts under her tank top. He quickly dropped his gaze to the bench as he felt his cheeks burning and swiftly grabbed his underarmor and began to pull it on.

_For Christ's sake, Alenko, as if you've never seen a woman change into her armor._

"Have you received any further information on what STG was looking into on Virmire, Shepard?" Garrus inquired.

Nick shook her head as she took off her boots and uniform pants. "No. I haven't had word on the subject from anyone. But, I don't expect this to be easy. It sounds a lot like a rescue mission, even if the Council just told us to investigate. I wish they would've sent me the original message this STG unit sent out though." She quickly put on her underarmor and began strapping on her hardsuit.

Kaidan rolled his shoulders to see if he was restricted in his range of motion. Garrus signaled him to turn around and checked his hardsuit's seams while Shepard pulled on the last parts of her armor. Kaidan thanked him with a nod. He wondered time and again why Garrus and Wrex always wore their hardsuits. Maybe it was a cultural thing? But then most turians on the Citadel wore suits.

Nick turned to him and he found himself staring into her gunmetal blue eyes. "Lieutenant? Could you?" She gestured at her back when he didn't move.

"My pleasure, Shepard," Kaidan returned hoarsely and ignored the snicker from Ashley standing at the weapon's bench as he ran his hands down the seams of Shepard's armor, checking every closure. He could've sworn he felt her shudder as soon as his hands touched her armor. All he knew was his mouth went dry at the thought and he pushed the image of her in her form-fitting tank top out of his thoughts. He let his hands linger just a little longer than necessary before retracting them and was relieved that she didn't pull away. He gave her shoulder a double-pat. "You're good to go, Commander."

" _Commander, they have pretty heavy defenses set up_." Joker's informed them. " _I'll have to drop you in the Mako and then get the hell away from those AA guns._ "

"Bring us in low, Joker. We'll take care of the Anti-aircraft defenses," Shepard replied as she grabbed her weapons and climbed into the Mako.

Kaidan followed, trying to shake the unease he felt as he sat down in front of the life support and radar consoles.

The Mako shuddered as Shepard started its engines and the familiar hum filled the air. The soft vibrations of the vehicle were jostled as the Normandy broke into atmo and passed through some turbulence. Kaidan threw a glance at Nick, but she had her eyes glued on the virtual windows and he knew the moment the ramp was open far enough for the Mako she would accelerate to full speed; she was already revving up the engine.

They landed in a shallow watercourse with a splash, the virtual windows showing images that reminded Kaidan strongly of pictures he had seen of a vacation paradise back on Earth. He glanced at the external temperature indicator; it showed 29.8° Celsius. This was the most hospitable climate they had been in in ages.

Garrus' mind was obviously on the same track his as the turian commented, "If the temperature is as pleasant as it looks then this is the nicest planet we've been on in a long while."

Shepard snorted non-committally. She had just given instructions to Joker to keep the Normandy safe and now she looked at Kaidan, waiting for him to tell her which way to follow the channel they were in. Once he had she sped off. They hadn't driven very far when the radar in front of Kaidan lit up with a number of red dots.

"Hostiles between twelve o'clock and two o'clock about four hundred meters ahead!" he let them know.

Nick slowed the Mako to a halt and turned around in her seat. "Between twelve o'clock and two o'clock? Can you give a more precise estimate, Lieutenant?"

"At least ten tangos scattered in that range. That's all I can say so far, Commander," he responded.

Nick drove the Mako to the next bend in the watercourse, no hostiles appearing outside until they saw a rocket drone zoom closer, followed shortly afterward by another. She back up the Mako and ordered them to disembark. Kaidan cursed under his breath, feeling useless. The drones were too far away for his pistol and even for his biotics if he wanted to use them precisely. That meant he could only use his omni-tool.

Kaidan threw a glance at Shepard and Garrus who had both pulled their sniper rifles and engaged in their usual competion, busy talking shop. He readied his omni-tool and assessed the distance of the drones. Too far to throw the primed grenade normally, but with a biotic Throw he could make the grenade fly much further before detonating it.

Swallowing the feeling of being relatively useless at the moment he tossed the tech grenade as hard as he could, catching it in a Throw and making it sail over one hundred meters further than he could have achieved without biotics before detonating it over one of the geth.

No use moping; now there was a fight at hand.

* * *

They reached the salarian camp and saw the Normandy sitting in the shallow water nearby. Shepard halted the Mako and they disembarked.

"Lieutenant, go and see what the Chief is talking to that Salarian about. It had better have to do with why we're grounded." Shepard turned away from him and walked over to some of the crew standing off to the side.

Kaidan looked after her for a moment before joining Ashley and the salarian.

"What's the situation, Chief?" he asked when he reached them.

"Seems like there's a shitload of AA guns pointing our way, LT," Ashley replied. She turned towards the salarian again. "So what are we supposed to do now?"

"Stay put until we can come up with a plan," the salarian captain answered.

Kaidan opened his mouth to inquire if the salarian had any ideas when he heard the sloshing sound of somebody treading through water approaching from behind. He turned and saw Shepard walking briskly towards them and swallowed his question.

"What the hell is going on? Are you in charge here?" she demanded, passing between Kaidan and Ashley and planting herself in front of the salarian.

The salarian inclined his head. "I'm Captain Kirrahe, Third Infiltration Regiment STG. You and your crew just landed in the middle of a hotzone. Every AA gun within ten miles has been alerted to your presence."

"You've got to be kidding me." She stared at Kirrahe who shook his head. "That's just fucking great."

Kaidan watched silently as Shepard put her head back to gaze up at the sky before taking a deep breath and looking back at him.

"What's the plan?" she asked.

"We wait until the Council sends the reinforcements we requested," the salarian returned. His expression became puzzled when Shepard started laughing. "I don't understand - " he began.

Kaidan shifted his stance, dropping his arms to his side.

"We  _are_  the reinforcements," he clarified.

The salarian stared at them in confusion. "What? You're all they sent? That can't be! I asked the Council to send a fleet!"

Shepard stopped laughing. "The transmission was unclear, so the Council sent us to investigate."

"But that's a repetition of our task!" Kirrahe spluttered. "I lost half my men  _investigating_  this place"

Kaidan's uneasiness increased again; an icy sensation spreading in his gut. He tried to keep he voice neutral. "What have you found?"

"Saren's base of operations," Kirrahe replied, looking at him. "He's set up a research facility here, but it's crawling with geth and very well fortified."

"Saren? Is he here?" Shepard inquired.

"No, he isn't. But his geth are everywhere and we've intercepted comms referring to Saren," the salarian explained.

"I don't like this," Nick muttered. "What kind of research are we talking about?"

"He's using the facility to breed an army of krogan," came the simple answer.

Kaidan blinked, certain he had misunderstood the salarian.  _An_ army  _of krogan? How?_

"How is that possible?" Wrex rumbled, appearing at their side.

The salarian glanced at the krogan and swallowed. "Apparently Saren found a cure for the Genophage."

"Genophage? Didn't that have to do with the krogan problem?" Shepard looked back and forth between the krogan and the salarian, holding her hand up palm outward towards Wrex. Her gaze settled on Kirrahe and she waited for him to explain.

The captain shuffled uncomfortably, glancing at Wrex. "We used the genophage after the krogan uprising to quell their numbers. Without it they would overrun the galaxy. And these krogan follow Saren."

Shepard sighed audibly. "The geth are bad enough. With a krogan army he'd be almost unstoppable."

Kirrahe nodded. "Yes, exactly. This facility has to be destroyed."

"What?" Wrex bristled. "Destroyed? I don't think so, salarian. My people are dying and this cure could save them!"

"The krogan will become unstoppable if the cure leaves this planet. We can't make that mistake again," the salarian retorted.

Wrex took a menacing step towards Kirrahe. "We are not a mistake!" he growled, bringing his face close to the salarian's. He snarled once more and stomped off, clearly in a bad mood. Kaidan couldn't say he blamed him, but he was worried. This was a dire situation.

The salarian looked after Wrex and then turned back to Shepard. "Is he going to be a problem? We already have enough angry krogan to deal with."

Shepard didn't answer right away. She was watching the krogan tromp away through narrowed eyes. After a moment she turned to face Kirrahe and shook her head. "He won't be your problem, Captain. Don't worry, I'll talk to him. He'll listen to me."

The salarian blinked once. "I do worry, that's why I'm still alive. I hope you're right concerning the krogan, Commander. My men and I need some time now to come up with a new attack strategy." He turned away and left them.

"Looks like things are a bit of a mess," Kaidan ventured carefully. Nick gave him a look he interpreted as  _No kidding_  and thought it may be best not to say anything else. He wasn't sure if she was just annoyed with the situation or if she was still upset with him.

"Wrex looks like he going to blow a gasket," Ashley threw in. "That's the thing I'd worry about right now."

Nick huffed. "Yeah. I guess I should go talk to him. It can't hurt."

Ashley shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not sure about that, Skipper. It might, actually. Just do it carefully."

Kaidan nodded as Nick glanced at him.

"I'm not afraid of Wrex," she stated firmly. "But you're still right. I'm just going to have to watch my mouth."

"If you say so, Skipper. I'm still going to keep my eye on him," Ashley retorted.

Shepard nodded. "Be ready, just in case." With that she turned and followed the krogan.

Kaidan watched her walk away and tried to ignore the chill running down his spine as she approached Wrex. He was aware of Ashley moving to a different position in order to have a clear shot should Wrex do anything unexpected and his own biotics were bubbling close to the surface. It afforded all his will to keep them down.

Shepard and Wrex were too far away for Kaidan to understand what was spoken, but he could see the krogan's expression. Nick gestured at the facility, shaking her head, but whatever she had said clearly didn't sit well with Wrex; his expression became murderous. Kaidan watched with dread as the krogan took one step back and pulled his shotgun, aiming it at Shepard's head.

_If he hurts her I'm going to kill him … if Ash doesn't get him first._

Shepard didn't flinch.

Even with a shotgun pointed at her face by an angry krogan her stance was … relaxed. Kaidan couldn't think of a better word. How could she be so unfazed? His own senses were tense as he strained to discern what was going to happen next. His biotics trickled down his arm and he clenched his fist as he pulled the energy back in instead of releasing it.

The soft click of Ashley releasing the safety catch on her rifle reached his ear and he knew she was getting ready to shoot when Wrex suddenly lowered his weapon and holstered it. Kaidan let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. The krogan said something and Shepard turned around, strolling back to them as if it had been a simple chat.

"Let's go and see if Kirrahe and his men have come up with anything," Nick called, beckoning them to follow her as she turned towards the tent where Captain Kirrahe had set up his command post.

The salarian looked up from a data pad as they drew near. "Thank you for dealing with the krogan. The assault on Saren's base will be difficult enough as it is."

"So, that means you've come up with a plan?" Shepard ventured.

Kirrahe wagged his head from one side to the other. "Of sorts. We can convert our ship's drive system into a twenty-kiloton ordnance. Crude, but effective.

"Nice!" Ashley commented and everybody looked at her. "Drop that nuke from orbit and Saren can kiss his turian ass good-bye."

"No," Kirrahe countered, shaking his head. He looked at Ashley briefly before returning his gaze back to Shepard. "The facility is too well fortified for that. The bomb will have to be placed at a precise location."

"That could prove difficult." Nick sounded skeptical. "Where do we have to take the nuke? And more importantly, how do we get there? Is the designated bomb site close by or do we have to take it to the far side?"

"The bomb must be taken to the far side," the salarian answered. He quickly continued. "Your ship can drop the bomb off, but we must infiltrate the base, take out the AA guns and pacify any enemy forces before we can bring it in."

This was suicide, Kaidan was certain of that and he felt his skin crawl with anticipation.

"You want us to go in on foot?" he asked incredulously, his voice cracking slightly. Kaidan shook his head in disbelief. "We don't have enough men."

Nick glanced him over her shoulder, eyebrows raised. He snapped his mouth shut and she turned back towards Kirrahe. "It sounds risky. What's the plan?"

"Your lieutenant is right," Kirrahe said, nodding his head toward Kaidan. "We don't have the numbers to meet them head on. But I think we can work around that. I'm going to divide my men into three teams and hit the facility from the front. While we have their attention you can sneak your 'shadow' team in the back."

Shepard looked past the salarian, clearly considering the odds. After a short moment she slowly nodded. "It might work. Or, you might all get slaughtered."

"We're tougher than we look, Commander," the salarian replied with a hint of haughtiness. "But, it's true. I don't expect many of us to survive." He hesitated. "And that makes what I'm going to ask even more difficult." Kirrahe drew a breath. "I need one of your men to accompany one of my teams. To help coordinate teams."

"You expect me to put one of my team under your command? That's a bold request, Captain." The displeasure in her voice was evident.

"We're all soldiers by trade," Kirrahe remarked. "If your people are not prepared to face such a risk, would you really want them by your side?"

"He's right, Commander," Kaidan threw in quietly. He hated admitting it, but the salarian had a point. And though he wasn't keen on dying as a soldier you always had to be willing to put the success of a mission before your own chance of survival. "We can only pull this off with teams at their best. I volunteer."

Nick's head snapped around to look at him and their eyes met. For a fraction of a second he thought he'd seen fear in her gaze, but that was ridiculous. She knew the risks of being a soldier as well as anyone on the team, maybe even better. And why should she be afraid if he volunteered to go with the salarians?

_Because she likes you just as much as you like her, dumbass._

Ashley interrupted his contemplations, drawing their attention to her. "Not so fast, LT. The Commander will need you to arm the nuke. I'll go with the salarians."

They argued back and forth until Shepard snapped at them. "Shut it, marines!" She fell silent and walked a few steps to the side, rubbing her temples.

Kaidan watched her as she turned around, facing Ashley, the salarian and him, her gaze fleeting from one to the other and he could see resolve hardening her features. She briefly closed her eyes and then returned.

"Have you decided, Commander?" Kirrahe asked.

"Yes, but I suggest a minor change," Shepard nodded and turned to face Kaidan and Ashley. "Lieutenant, the Chief is right. I need you to arm the bomb. I'm sure Ash knows the basics we all learned, but your proficiency is higher when it comes to tech. Ash, that means you go with the salarians. And now let's call the team together. I want them all to hear this."


	27. Virmire

Nick watched as Ashley stuck two fingers in her mouth and whistled loudly, beckoning the remaining team over. They assembled quietly.

"Okay, listen up," Shepard began, letting her gaze sweep over her squadmates. "This is the situation: We have a heavily fortified research facility here in which Saren is trying to breed an army of krogan. The salarians have the idea of converting their drive system into a twenty-kiloton ordnance. The problem is the fortification of the facility is too strong to drop the bomb from orbit." She paused. "That means we have to bring the bomb in on foot." Another pause. Nick watched as the information slowly sank in before she continued.

"You've probably come to the same conclusion as Captain Kirrahe," she pointed back over her shoulder,"or Lieutenant Alenko," Nick looked at him, her expression unreadable, and then turned to face the others again. "We don't have the numbers to take this place head-on. The plan is as follows: The salarians are going to split into three groups and attack the front of the facility to draw out the main force. Meanwhile we'll form an infiltration team and enter the base from the back. The captain has requested that one of us joins his team. Chief Williams is going to be the one to do that, but she will not be alone."

Ashley looked at Nick in surprise, but waited silently for an explanation as her CO went on.

"This has to be an all-hands mission. We can't afford to be idle. Every single one of us has something to do today, because I'm not planning to lose anyone from my team. Not. A. Single. One. Wrex, Liara - you two will accompany the salarians together with Williams. I want as much offensive power as possible on the salarian team. Tali - you will work with the salarians to convert their drive system into a nuke. My infiltration team will consist of Vakarian, Alenko and myself. Questions?"

"Who's going to arm the bomb?" Garrus inquired.

"Lieutenant Alenko is responsible for the bomb once it's in place," she responded. "Any further questions? No? Good. Then gather your gear and prepare to move out. Dismissed!"

She turned around and saw the Kirrahe approaching her.

"I heard what you told your team," the salarian began. "I wanted to thank you for granting us more help than requ-"

"You'll need all the help I can give you," Shepard interrupted. "I've given you two of my squadmates that are more than proficient with the assault rifle as well as two biotics. That should give you an edge. And you don't have to worry about Wrex. As much as it pains him to destroy this possible cure for the genophage, he knows the krogan bred here would all just be slaves of Saren. But maybe let Chief Williams or Dr. T'Soni give him orders, though."

Kirrahe nodded. "Very well. I will have the ordinance loaded onto the Normandy and brief your crew on its detonation sequencing."

Nick confirmed they were ready to move.

"In that case I will go prepare my men. Commander." The salarian dipped his head and left.

Nick turned to look at Kaidan and Ashley.

"Weren't you supposed to grab your gear, Chief?" Nick asked, raising her eyebrows.

"I'm all set, Skipper." Ashley answered. She hesitated and looked at Kaidan. "I guess this is it then. Don't do anything stupid, LT. You either, Skipper."

Kaidan let out a short, mirthless laugh. "We'll be fine. You see to it you don't get yourself killed."

Ashley grinned at him. "Hell no! Who else is supposed to talk sense into your thick headed skull? It just feels strange going under someone else's command." She turned her head towards Nick. "It's been great serving with you."

Nick shook her head. "That sounds an awful lot like a farewell, Chief," she admonished. "We're still a team, you know. No matter if we're in the same unit during this assault. Just fight like the hellcat you are. We're all coming out of this in one piece!" Her tone broached no argument. It was obvious that both Kaidan and Ash were feeling distinctly uneasy about this mission. She had to nip this in the bud.

"We'll see you on the other side, Ash." Kaidan said.

"You bet!" Ashley replied, pulling him into a hug and whispering something in his ear.

Nick scowled, but managed a neutral expression again. Sometimes jealousy stirred when she saw how relaxed the other two were with their friendship. She watched as Kaidan returned the hug without any hesitation, patting each other on the back before Ash stepped back, saluted and walked away.

"Do you still have to talk to the salarians about the detonation sequencing?" Nick demanded in a clipped voice.

"No, ma'am. Tali is working with them. She can send me the information via omni-tool or give me a quick run-down when we place the bomb," he returned.

She was about to reply when she saw the salarians assemble and Kirrahe stepped forward, beckoning for silence. She cast a quick glance at Kaidan and nodded curtly. They listened as the salarian captain reminded his men of their history, of their heroes; calling upon their sense of duty and telling them to hold the line. When he was done, Kirrahe turned to face Shepard.

"Good luck, Commander. I hope we will meet again."

"Godspeed, Captain," she replied and then turned to Kaidan and Garrus, who were standing a few steps behind her. "Let's go kick some ass."

"I thought we're an infiltration unit, Shepard? That means the others get to do the ass-kicking," Garrus commented as they set off.

"And I thought you were a sniper, Vakarian! It just means we'll kick ass quietly," she shot back, leading them away from the camp.

* * *

Shortly after they passed through a gate leading to the facility Kirrahe radioed Shepard for a comm check. He informed her they would start their push at the AA guns and hinted that any possible sabotage of the facility's defences would be good.

No kidding.

Nick led her team carefully through the shallow water, listening on the radio as the salarian captain ordered Ashley and the others to go with Aegohr team as well as telling the other two salarian teams to draw some attention.

On their way to the back entrance of the facility the disabled a geth communications outpost as well as a refueling station for drones before reaching the actual facility.

Inside the base they passed a large number of holding cells filled with salarians. Nick frowned. Kirrahe had mentioned he had lost half of his men. She had assumed he had meant they had been killed, but seeing the salarians in the occupied holding cells she wasn't sure if that wouldn't have been better. Most seemed unaware of their surroundings; mindless shells vegetating from one moment to the next.

Shepard gripped her shotgun firmly as she stepped closer to a holding cell with a single salarian in it; the only one that wasn't speaking unintelligible nonsense. The salarian begged to be released, claiming he couldn't bear the whispering anymore. It made her skin prickle.

"Something isn't right here," Kaidan whispered. "This sounds a lot like what Benezia told us about indoctrination."

Shepard nodded and turned away from the salarian without another word. As they walked away they heard his insistent calls to let him out followed by a deafening crash. They followed the stairs up to the next level. Nick hesitated at the sight of an elevator and two doors. Which way?

The first door she opened led to a catwalk. There were more holding cells on the lower level and as they made their way across the catwalk they heard a salarian voice from below inquiring who was there. She chose to ignore it for now and continued to the door on the far side. Whoever was calling appeared to be in one of the cells; he wouldn't be going anywhere.

The door opened to a small antechamber with several terminals inside but little else and a door on the opposite side.

"Lieutenant, check if you can get any useful information from these consoles." She motioned at the terminals. While Kaidan extracted data from the terminals she walked toward the other door.

"Nothing, Commander." He shook his head after a quick glance at the discovered data.

Shepard punched the door console and it slid open revealing a number of indoctrinated salarians as well as geth. She pulled up her shotgun as the air filled with the short bark of Kaidan's pistol and Garrus' assault rifle. The explosion of a tech grenade stunned the geth rocket trooper in front of her and she shot it in the head.

A large shadow loomed at the corner of her field of view. Nick turned her head in time to see a geth destroyer rushing at her. She slammed the butt of her shotgun into the face of a salarian in front of her and leveled in on the destroyer, her heart pounding ferociously as the charging geth closed the distance between them. A flash of blue sped past her, leaving a smell of ozone in the air. The biotic attack knocked the destroyer back and she knew if she turned her head she would see Kaidan surrounded by a tell-tale corona.

Two tech explosions followed, stripping the geth of its shields and Shepard fired her shotgun at the destroyer until it lay sprawled motionless on the floor. They advanced slowly into the large storage room, encountering more waves of geth, but the combination of Kaidan's and Garrus' tech attacks held them at bay. Finally the last hostile was down, leaving a heavy silence interrupted only by the sound of their breathing.

The storage room revealed no further information and they turned back crossing the catwalk once more, feeling apprehensive. Had the strong defense in that room been intended as a trap?

"I want to get down there," Shepard said under her breath as she heard the voice from before call out again..

"We could try that other door," Garrus suggested and she nodded.

They passed through the door and found themselves outside of the facility on a ramp leading to the lower level. There was no sign of hostile activity nearby, but far off they could hear the sound of weapon fire barely audible over the surf. They continued down the ramp and through the door leading into another room filled with holding cells.

A voice called out once more and Shepard led the way to the cell on the far left. A salarian waved through the bars of his door. He introduced himself as Lieutenant Ganto Imness and it quickly became clear that he was still in control of his thoughts. He guessed they were an infiltration unit sent to destroy the base. After a short conversation with the salarian she decided it was safe to trust him and agreed to open his cell, giving him a chance to outrun the blast.

"What about the others, Commander?" Kaidan asked, nodding his head toward another occupied cell.

"Look at them, Lieutenant." Blue eyes burned into brown as she swung her arm, pointing at the salarian prisoners. "They are mindless. I can't free them because they might endanger the mission running around the base. The only thing I could do is put them out of their misery. Move out."

They returned to the higher level and took the elevator to the top. Husks in stasis pods greeted them as they stepped off of the elevator. Any hope of passing through the stasis chamber unnoticed was thwarted when the scientists working in the room became aware of them. The krogan scientist and his asari assistant released the husks and attacked.

Nick shot the first husk square in its face, but there were several others ambling toward her, arms outstretched. She backed up to keep a minimum distance between her and the hideous creatures. The smell of ozone filled the air once again as Kaidan caught two more in a Throw, sending them careening through the air, while Garrus filled the third with Shredder rounds.

Shepard focused on the krogan and started to raise her shotgun when she suddenly froze, unable to move. With horror she realized the asari assistant had caught her in a stasis. She could feel the biotic trap tingling unpleasantly against her skin, like a thousand needles pricking her, the pain intensifying the longer the stasis held. She found it increasingly difficult to breathe and her lungs burned as if they were on fire. She fought against the stasis, willing herself to move.

Finally it grew weaker and Shepard broke free, gasping for air and stumbling into cover to catch her breath. She cast a glance around the corner of the table she was behind and saw the krogan backing her way. The asari was nowhere to be seen. In a swift movement she brought up her shotgun but the krogan collapsed before she had a chance to get off a shot.

Silence filled the air.

"Let's get moving." Her voice was curt as she motioned towards the door; she couldn't shake the feeling they were running out of time.

The two geth guarding the entrance to the next part of the facility were quickly disposed of and they entered what appeared to be an office. Shepard walked briskly towards the locked door at the far end of the room. A noise had her on alert and she saw somebody crouching under a desk. She slowed down and an asari stood up, holding up her hands.

"Don't shoot! I just want to get out of here! This job isn't worth dying for, or worse."

Shepard said nothing. She just leaned back and crossed her arms in front of her, head tilted slightly to the side. The asari used the silence to tell them she was a neurospecialist. Her job was to find out more about the effects of indoctrination on organics.

"Or so I thought," she went on. "Saren pretty much kept us in the dark about what was going on. But," she quickly continued as she saw the scowl on Shepard's face, "I can grant you access to Saren's private office." The asari walked to the locked door and punched a code into the door panel. "See? Full access! Can I go now."

Shepard shook her head. "I want more information first. What were you studying?"

The asari neurospecialist informed them that indoctrination was linked to the ship, Sovereign. It emitted a signal which made people feel compelled to do things. Direct exposure lead to being a mindless slave like the salarian test subjects, while indirect exposure was more difficult to track.

The asari paled as Shepard mentioned their intention of blowing up the facility casually and appeared on the verge of panicking.

"If you run fast enough, maybe you can outrun the blast." Shepard stepped aside with a smirk and pointed at the door.

They watched as the neurospecialist tore through the door before they continued to Saren's private office. Inside they saw an eerie greenish glow emanating from an alcove and walked closer.

"Commander, it looks like another prothean beacon," Kaidan pointed out.

"You've seen something like this before?" Garrus asked, staring at the pulsating light surrounding the obelisk. Shepard walked warily toward the beacon and paid little attention to the conversation between her squadmates.

"Yes," Kaidan answered when Shepard remained silent. "The prothean artefact we were supposed to pick up on Eden Prime looked like this. It, uh, knocked the Commander out cold for nearly fifteen hours."

The reminder sent a shiver down her spine and her mouth went dry as the images of the last beacon flashed through her mind. She hoped this one wouldn't be so problematic.

_You have no choice._

Tentatively she took another step closer, reaching toward the artifact with her hand when the familiar pull of the beacon took hold of her. The greenish glow grew stronger and she levitated in the air; Kaidan's and Garrus' cries sounding muffled in the background. Images of violence and destruction flashed before her inner eye. It showed her an unknown solar system, concentrating on one planet, then the beacon released her.

Shepard fell to the ground, panting hard. She shook her head to clear it and stood up slowly, waving away the outstretched hand that appeared next to her. She turned her head to meet Kaidan's gaze, but found she didn't know what to say and merely nodded.

How about thank you? Her inner voice chimed up. And you could say you're sorry.

She watched as he dropped his hand but held her gaze for a moment longer.

"Are you okay, Commander?" He sounded worried but businesslike as he activated his omni-tool and scanned her quickly, doing his duty as field medic.

"I'm fine, Lieutenant!" came her curt reply.

She walked past both Kaidan and Garrus briskly and returned to the higher level. A holographic interface caught her attention and she approached it hoping to find a facility VI. Instead, an image of Sovereign appeared.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Kaidan muttered.

"Is that a VI interface?" Garrus asked at the same time.

" _You are not Saren._ " A metallic voice boomed through the room. " _Rudimentary creatures of flesh and blood. You touch my mind, fumbling in ignorance, incapable of understanding. There is a realm of existence so far beyond your own you cannot even imagine it. I am beyond your comprehension. I am Sovereign!_ "

"I don't think that's a VI," Kaidan replied to Garrus question.

"Saren didn't find a Reaper ship. This is an actual Reaper!" Shepard exclaimed.

" _A label created by the Protheans giving voice to their destruction. in the end, what they choose to call us is irrelevant. We simply are_ ," Sovereign declared.

"The protheans vanished 50,000 years ago! You couldn't have been there!"

" _Organic life is nothing but a genetic mutation, an accident. your lives are measured in years and decades. You wither and die. We are eternal. The pinnacle of evolution and existence. Before us, you are nothing. Your extinction is inevitable. We are the end of everything,_ " the Reaper proclaimed. " _We have no beginning; we have no end. We are infinite. Millions of years after your civilization has been eradicated and forgotten, we will endure._ "

Shepard shook her head slowly. "No. Whatever your plan is, it'll fail. We'll make sure of that!" She hoped she didn't sound too much like a child trying to convince itself it wasn't afraid of the dark.

" _Confidence born of ignorance. The cycle cannot be broken. The pattern has been repeated more times than you can fathom. Organic civilizations rise, evolve, advance. And at the apex of their glory they are extinguished. The protheans were not the first; they merely found the legacy of my kind._ " Sovereign continued to boast that the Citadel and mass relays were meant to be found, so organic life would evolve along lines the reapers desired. " _We impose order on the chaos of organic evolution. You exist because we allow it. And you will end because we demand it._ "

"How many of you are there?" Kaidan asked, voicing a question that had been circulating through her mind.

" _We are legion. Our numbers will darken the sky of every world. You cannot escape your doom!_ "

"Well, that sounds lovely," Shepard remarked dryily.

Sovereign was not finished yet. " _I am the vanguard of your destruction. This exchange is over._ "

A sudden explosion shook the air, smashing the windows of Saren's private office.

" _Commander,_ " Joker's voice came over the radio immediately after the explosion subsided. " _we've got trouble._ "

"Let's hear it, Joker," she answered, walking towards the door.

" _That ship, Sovereign? It's moving. I don't know what you did down there, but that thing just pulled a turn that'd shear any of our ships in half! It's coming your way and it's coming hard! You need to wrap things up in there - fast!_ "

"Thanks for the heads up, Joker." She turned to her squadmates. "You heard the man. Let's get to the breeding facility and blow this place to hell!"

Outside a geth destroyer awaited them, blocking their way back through the first office, but an Overload from Garrus and a Sabotage from Kaidan rendered it defenseless, giving Shepard enough time to take it out with her shotgun. They jogged through the office and met resistance in form of several krogan warriors outside.

Kaidan glowed blue next to her as he unleashed his biotics, throwing the first krogan back forcefully, followed by a Neural Shock while the other two shot it. They continued over the catwalk to the next door in this manner, keeping the krogan warriors off their feet with a combination of biotics, tech and firearms as they advanced through the empty hallway behind the door.

After considerable resistance they managed to get to the bomb site and clear it. Shepard radioed the Normandy to bring in the bomb and she watched as the ordnance was set in position. Kaidan had gone over to Tali and some engineers and was busy talking to them, going over the detonation sequence for the nuke. Nick chewed her lip as she watched him kneel down next to the bomb and adjust something before walking over to her.

"The bomb is in position," Kaidan said over the radio, so all teams got the information. "We're - "

" _Commander, do you read me?_ " Ashley's voice interrupted him. They could hear yells and insistent gunfire in the background. " _We're pinned down on the AA tower and taking casualties._ "

"Fall back, Chief! I want an orderly retreat! Lay down suppressing fire and all hands converge on the bomb site. We're coming your way to take some heat off you." Shepard responded. She turned to Kaidan with a worried expression. He didn't have much backup. "Will you be all right?"

Kaidan gave her his lopsided smile and her heart fluttered. "I need a few more minutes to arm the nuke. Go and get Ash and the others. I'll wait here."

Shepard returned a short smile and put her hand on his shoulder briefly before leading Garrus and Tali to the AA tower. She felt her gut churning as dread settled in; dread that she might be too late to save the assault team, dread that she might be too late to get back to Kaidan in time.

_You are an idiot, Veronika Shepard. You've wasted days because you can't admit you were wrong and apologize. Instead, you acted like a complete bitch. And now it might be too late._

_This plan of yours had better come together._

* * *

Kaidan watched them disappear around the corner and turned his attention to the bomb in front of him. All it needed was a few final adjustments. He had lied to Shepard when he told her he'd need a few more minutes, but he didn't want her to feel more pressure than necessary.

He threw a short glance at the salarians that were guarding the bomb site. There weren't many and he hoped any geth reinforcements would be sent to the AA tower without cutting off the assault team's retreat. Kaidan listen to his teammates engaged in battle and looked up at the sky nervously. His hands were sweating in his gauntlets.

To take his mind off of the passing time Kaidan checked the fuse again and ran through the detonation sequence in his mind. He hoped he would get a chance to talk to Shepard once they were done here. That little smile she had given him before laying her hand on his shoulder had burned itself in his mind.

_Maybe Garrus was right and she was coming around again._

The sound of a geth dropship yanked him back to reality.

"Crap," he muttered under his breath and pulled his sidearm.

His radio crackled.

" _Heads up, LT! There's a troop ship headed to your location!_ " There was an edge in Ashley's voice and he knew she was afraid.

"It's already here!" he responded. "And it's dropping geth all over the bomb site."

"Can you hold them off?" Shepard cut in, her voice coming in short gasps. She must be running.

"Negative," he answered as he Overloaded a geth's shields and fired his pistol several times before ducking back in cover. "There's too many." He scooted around the bomb and focused on another geth. His omni-tool was still cooling down, so he Lifted two geth intent on killing one of the salarians, but more geth poured from the ship. There was no way he would be able to hold out long.

He had to arm the nuke; it was the only chance.

"I'm activating the bomb," he informed them as he began punching in the detonation sequence, relying on the few salarians to keep the heat off him.

" _Damn it, Alenko! What the hell are you doing?!_ " Shepard's voice nearly cracked. Or, that's what it sounded like on the radio. But then maybe it was just wishful thinking.

Kaidan felt strangely calm. He knew he was the only one now that could ensure this ordinance did it's job and he would defend it to his last breath. "I'm making sure this bomb goes off. No matter what. Get Ash and the others and get the hell out of here."

Ashley let him know what she thought of his plan with a few choice words and Kaidan smiled to himself. If he didn't make it out of here, he would miss her.

And by God, would he miss Nick.

" _Joker,_ " Kaidan heard Shepard say, sure she would order the Normandy to the AA tower. " _Meet us at the bomb site. We're heading back! Chief, get your people out of there now! Go, go, GO!_ "

The radio fell silent and Kaidan focused on the incoming geth forces, Sabotaging the weapons of another geth. To his left, one of the salarians fell. He swept the area and saw a rocket trooper and a sniper standing close together and Threw them back as hard as he could.

His heart dropped when he saw not only two Geth Destroyers, but also a Geth Prime and a Juggernaut appear. Kaidan concentrated on the destroyer closest to him and used every skill he had to keep it away from the bomb. His implant was slowly growing warm.

The sound of weapon fire intensified to his far left and he risked a quick look, seeing Shepard ducking behind a tank together with Garrus and Tali. The Geth Prime headed for the newcomers and Kaidan moved around the bomb to hurl a Sabotage at it. Suddenly his shields frizzled out and he dropped back into cover. He couldn't help the others against the Prime of the Juggernaut, he had his own problem right now.

Kaidan tossed the grenade intended for the Geth Prime at a rocket trooper closing in on his position. The geth kept on advancing and he fired his pistol repeatedly until the synthetic exploded. A sharp pain in his abdomen flooded through him and he glanced down to see a scrap of metal sticking out of his armor. With a curse he administered some medigel.

He looked up again to see Shepard walking towards him and called out a warning as Saren appeared behind her, but she had sensed the danger. He watched as she twisted around with amazing speed and fired at the rogue Spectre, before dodging his biotic attacks. Kaidan felt the blood rushing in his ears and was aware the water around him was slowly turning pink from his blood. He punched the command in his omni-tool for another dose of medigel. A warning flashed on his display - he was out of medigel.

_One hell of a medic you are, Alenko._

Kaidan grimaced as he searched for another medigel pack. At the same time he tried to discern what Shepard and Saren were talking about, but the wind carried the words away.

Suddenly the sound of gunfire filled the air again as more geth arrived and Saren attacked Shepard. Kaidan pulled himself up again and fired at one of the geth when he saw Shepard fall to the ground and Saren close in on her with quick, long strides. Rage filled him as the turian grabbed her by the throat and picked her up. Kaidan willed down his biotics, knowing they couldn't help right now. Shepard was in his line of fire.

The blaring of a horn sounded a two-minute warning for all teams and Saren was distracted long enough for Shepard to punch him. He dropped her and fled.

Kaidan tried to get up, but his legs didn't seem to carry his weight. He heard the sound of Normandy's engines as well as voices coming closer. One was Shepard's voice, he was certain. And, Wrex? He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them again Shepard was standing in front of him, an angel of vengeance, eyes wild, cheeks flushed from battle, offering her hand to help him up.

He took hold of her hand, trying to get up as pain seared through him.

And the world went dark.


	28. Wanting More

Shepard watched in horror as Kaidan's eyes rolled back and he slumped over as he attempted to get up; she barely managed to catch him before he fell face first in the water.

"No! Kaidan! Stay with me, c'mon! You have to stay with me!" Her voice cracked as she tried to support him. "Stay with me, you hear? The Normandy is there, we just have to get aboard." She repositioned him and grimaced when she saw the shrapnel piece sticking in his side, slick with blood. There was no way to move him alone like this and she couldn't remove the scrap of metal, not knowing how deep it was impaled.

But time was running short. She had to make a choice, and quickly.

The sound of feet splashing through the water caught her attention. She nearly sobbed with relief when she saw a number of salarians running towards them, followed by Ashley and her team.

"I need help here!" Shepard called, and they turned in her direction. She radioed her helmsman, trying to keep the panic out of her voice while Ashley came rushing over, waving the others towards the Normandy. "Joker, tell Dr. Chakwas to meet us down in the cargo hold ASAP! We have a medical emergency!"

"My God, what happened?" the gunnery chief exclaimed.

"Kaidan is injured. Bad," Shepard grunted as she wrapped her arms around his chest and lifted him. "Help me with him."

Ashley took his legs and they hurried to the Normandy as fast as they could. They were the last to return.

"Joker, get us the hell out of here!" Shepard called the moment they were up the ramp, and she felt the change of inertia as the Normandy accelerated.

Dr. Chakwas was at their side immediately.

"Get him into the medbay ASAP," the doctor ordered. They hurried to comply, and as soon as they reached the medbay the doctor instructed them to put him down and set straight to work. "Help me get him out of his armor," she asked them.

Shepard fumbled with the first release catch until her fingers obeyed her. She dared a quick glance at Ashley and saw the gunnery chief wasn't faring much better.

Dr. Chakwas scanned the injury and administered another dose of medigel. "He got lucky, though he's lost a lot of blood," she said after a few moments without looking up. "It's a near miracle the shrapnel didn't do even more damage. I've stemmed the bleeding, now I just need to remove the shrapnel and see what further treatment is needed." She looked at Shepard and Ashley. "You can't help with anything now. Go and get cleaned up."

"Shouldn't he have regained consciousness by now?" Shepard asked, not taking her eyes from Kaidan. His usually olive-toned skin was pale and clammy.

"He's lost more blood than he should have. That was the biggest problem, but it's been taken care of, Commander." The doctor smiled at the two younger women. "Don't worry. He'll be fine."

Shepard hesitated, feeling uncertain, then stepped to the sink to wash the blood off of her hands. The doctor returned to her job, ignoring them, and Nick gave herself a shake. With a short nod towards Ashley she confirmed the doctor's order and they left the medbay.

Outside Ashley let out a shaky laugh. "I'm going to kick his ass as soon as he's better for scaring me like that." She looked at her commanding officer. "Or maybe I should say us."

Shepard gave her a quick look and the chief shook her head.

"Don't look at me like that, Skipper. Kaidan is my best friend, the brother I never had. Of course I'm worried about him," the younger woman stated as they headed back down to the cargo hold. "And I'm pretty sure I know how you feel about him."

With the remains of the salarian STG unit aboard it was crowded and noisier than usual in the cargo bay. Usually the only sounds to be heard were the clinking of tools Garrus was using on the Mako, the sound of Ashley working at the weapons bench or the sound of quiet conversations.. Now there was a constant murmur of voices in the air.

Shepard nodded at Kirrahe once and continued to the weapons bench to take care of her equipment. She would talk to everyone later. Slowly the adrenaline rushing through her body subsided and all that was left was exhaustion. With slow, controlled movements she unclipped her weapons and laid them in front of her, making sure she left enough room for Ashley to do the same thing next to her.

She stared blankly at the table in front of her, not really see what she was doing, but the routine of weapons maintenance was something she could have done blindfolded.

Garrus came over quietly. "How bad is it?"

"Doc says he'll be fine. Blood loss was an issue, but it's no longer a problem," she answered as she disassembled her shotgun.

"Good to hear," the turian responded.

"Yeah. It is." She fell silent and continued to clean and assemble her shotgun with a practiced hand before moving on to her sniper rifle.

"I'll clean up the bench, Skipper," Ashley offered. "It's my duty station anyway and I'm sure you'll want to talk to people."

"Thanks, Ash. I'll talk to you later." Shepard took her weapons and put them to their assigned places on the weapon's rack. She walked slowly over to bench by the lockers and began unclasping the release catches of her armor. Her skin crawled, as though all eyes were on her as she dressed down to her skivvies, and she quickly pulled on her uniform.

Shepard walked towards the group of salarians standing in the corner between engineering and the lockers, throwing suspicious glances at Wrex. He curled his lips disdainfully as he returned their glares.

"Wrex, knock it off," Shepard said in a tired tone as she passed him.

She didn't need any muscle flexing from the krogan right now. She let her gaze roam over the remaining STG unit. There weren't many of them left and more than one had some kind of injury.

The salarian captain saluted her as she approached. "It was an honor working with you, Commander. With your help we managed to turn the mission into a success, despite the losses. I don't know if we would've made it out of there with so few casualties if we had only had one of your crew as I had intended. Your decision to give us the asari and the krogan made a real difference." He hesitated, his expression curious. "Your … squad mate … will he pull through?"

"Doc says he'll be fine," Shepard replied.

"That is good. He seems like a well-versed soldier." Kirrahe looked around the cargo hold. "We will leave your ship at the next destination, Commander. Perhaps we will have the opportunity to work together again some day."

Shepard took her leave and walked back to Wrex.

"Shepard," the krogan rumbled. "Things got heated back on Virmire, but I understand why you made that decision. I don't like it, but you were right; I don't want my people enslaved. I won't hold any grudges as long as Saren pays for it."

"That's the plan, Wrex. I don't intend to give him a slap on his fingers," Shepard declared as she looked the krogan square in the eye. "I want to shove a grenade launcher up his ass and pull the trigger."

The krogan laughed. "That's why I like you, Shepard. You've got spunk."

She let out an amused snort. "So long, Wrex."

With a shake of her head she turned away and headed to the elevator, determined not to let the others see how worried she was. The doors closed and Nick sagged against the wall, rubbing her face.

She had some time yet before the post-mission debrief was set and knew she should get her reports for the brass and the Council done. With a sigh Nick headed to her cabin, trying to ignore the voice in her head telling her to go to the medbay to check on Kaidan.

Once in her cabin, Nick sat down at her desk and powered up the terminal, running the events of the day through her head. Kirrahe was right, she knew that. The mission  _had_  been a success. Chances of actually pulling it off with as little casualties as they had had been low. But they had succeeded.

And Kaidan would pull through. Doc said he would.

 _He had to_.

She began typing, her fingers moving on their own accord as her thoughts revolved around the wounded marine in the med bay. She should've left more Alliance personnel to help guard the bomb, not just rely on the few salarians from STG that had been chosen for the job. Maybe then Kaidan wouldn't have been injured.

_Or maybe you would be mourning the loss of a crew member._

She groaned, annoyed at herself, and began pacing the room. Maybe she should grab a bite to eat. She felt queasy and some food would more than likely help against that. Deep down she knew it wasn't the actual issue, though. She had almost lost Kaidan and she could still feel the panic that had risen in her when he had collapsed. The memory alone made her blood run cold.

Nick sat down once more, forcing herself to focus on the mission report, but the words swam before her eyes.

"Fuck. It," she swore and walked out of her cabin to the galley.

The mess sergeant handed her a tray and she sat down facing the med bay. Lost in thought she began eating as she watched the doctor working. Shouldn't she be done by now? Without warning, Dr. Chakwas straightened up and looked right at her, catching her eye. The doctor raised an eyebrow while she wiped off her hands on a cloth. A moment later the bulkhead to the medbay slid open and the Normandy's physician stepped out, walking over to the mess hall table.

"The Lieutenant will be fine, Commander. He's resting now. Luckily we had enough blood plasma stored. I won't give you the details right now, I'll just say he was lucky. A little deeper and he probably would have bled out."

Shepard's eyes flicked to the med bay door and back to the doctor looking stoically at her. "Thank you, doctor." She hesitated. "Can I go in? I'd like to check on him."

Dr. Chakwas smiled knowingly. "He'll sleep several hours yet, but you can go in anytime."

Nick nodded. "Of course. I should get back to my reports anyway. Have you sent me the medical report so I can attach it to - " She stopped short when she saw the doctor's expression. "Sorry. Of course you've sent it."

"You two should talk after he wakes up, Commander," the doctor told her and walked back to the med bay, leaving Shepard alone with her thoughts.

Nick finished her meal, feeling relieved. And she knew the doctor was right. She had to talk to Kaidan. She owed him an apology. A big one.

A short while later her team assembled in the comm room for the mission debrief.

"We got lucky down on Virmire," Garrus was saying to Liara as Shepard entered the room. All eyes shot to her as she crossed the room.

"How is Kaid - , I mean Lieutenant Alenko?" Ashley inquired.

"He'll be all right. Kaidan lost a lot of blood, but he got lucky. Dr. Chakwas told me if the shrapnel had gone a little deeper the chances are high he would've bled out," Shepard swallowed. "As it is, he'll be fine and we should focus on the fact that this mission was at least a partial success. We destroyed one of Saren's major research facilities." She let her gaze wander over her team and saw them nodding in agreement.

"That was a hell of a thing you pulled off, Skipper. I don't think we would've made it back if I'd been with STG alone," Ashley commented "Without Liara and Wrex we would've been overrun. Their biotics were a huge help keeping the geth off their feet so we could take them out. It was impressive."

Nick looked at her. "I agree. It was a gamble either way. And, our little infiltration team found another beacon much like the one on Eden Prime."

Liara scooted around on her seat at the mention of another beacon. "Commander? Excuse me for interrupting, but I have an idea. If the beacon on Virmire was really similar to the one on Eden Prime, then it might have given you the missing fragments of the prothean vision," the young archeologist stated. She sounded excited. "Maybe I can help you put the missing pieces together."

"You want to join our minds again, don't you?"

The asari nodded. "Yes, it's the only way."

Shepard took a deep breath and rose slowly to her feet. "I can't say I'm thrilled about this, but I can't think of any alternative either. Okay," she gave Liara a weak smile. "Go ahead."

The asari rose as well and came to a stop in front of Shepard. "Relax, Commander," she said in a soothing voice. "Embrace eternity!"

Moments later Liara stepped back. "Incredible! These visions are so intense, I need a moment to collect myself!"

Nick closed her eyes briefly, hoping the spinning sensation in her head would stop. These joinings, this  _mindfuckery_ , always left her feeling dizzy. She hated it.

"Did you see anything that could help us? Did it make any sense to you?" Shepard asked as she sat back down again. She missed Kaidan's reassuring presence, his inquiries if she was all right.

"It's a distress call," Liara explained. "A warning against the Reapers sent across the prothean empire, but it came too late." She looked thoughtful and continued speaking slowly, piecing together the information as she spoke. "There were other images. Locations, mostly. Places I recognize from my research. I just - " Her voice trailed off and silence filled the room as the asari continued to think. Suddenly she lifted her head. "Ilos! The Conduit is on Ilos! That's why Saren needed the location of the Mu relay!"

"Never heard that name before," Garrus threw in.

"I'm not surprised. Ilos is only accessible through the Mu relay," Liara told him.

"And thanks to Benezia giving us that OCD back on Noveria we even know where the Mu relay is." A hint of triumph snuck into Shepard's voice only to be dampened by her next thought. "But, if no one has ever been to Ilos, how do you know it's where the Conduit is?"

Liara smiled. "I recognized landmarks from photos and vids I've seen during my research. I know of Ilos, but I don't know where it is."

"So, we need to get to Ilos." Ashley remarked.

Tali shook her head. "Forget it. The Mu relay is deep in the Terminus system and Alliance ships aren't exactly welcome there."

Nick pursed her mouth. "The Conduit's on Ilos and it's where Saren is heading. That means we go there as well. No matter what."

Liara looked troubled. "Chances are that he will have his entire fleet orbiting Ilos. You have to warn the Council. We won't be able to do this without backup."

" _Commander_ ," Joker's voice interrupted them. " _We're close to a comm buoy. Do you want me to link into the comm network so you can report to the Council?_ "

Shepard huffed. "I guess so. But if they give me the same bullshit as last time you can lose the connection again."

" _Aye-aye_." Joker confirmed. " _I'll set up a connection now._ "

Shepard turned to the others to dismiss them and watched as they left the room. Then she turned her attention to the communications terminal. She regretted reporting in to the Council almost immediately as they dismissed her information about Sovereign, telling her that Saren was just playing her, feeding her wrong information.

" _He probably saw your earlier reports,_ " the turian councilor said. " _The ones talking about your vision and the protheans._ "

The salarian councilor cut in. " _It is very likely he is using false information based on your reports to throw you off balance. Our intelligence never turned up any corroborating information._ "

"Joker, I'm done here," Shepard said coldly. "You can lose the connection." She turned her back to the Council and began walking away, ignoring the indignant protests of the Councilors.

" _Aye-aye!_ " the helmsman sounded enthusiastic.

Nick couldn't believe it. What else did she have to do to get the Council to believe her? Angrily she stepped into her cabin. She still had to finish her reports. Maybe someone would actually  _read_  them and step into action.

She sat down and glanced over what she had written so far, checking if she had forgotten any relevant information and began typing again.

_Or maybe you could just go and see if Kaidan is awake yet._

With effort she willed down that voice and focused on the report in front of her.

* * *

 

Several hours later Nick had finished her reports and spoken to the different members of her crew. As she stepped off of the elevator onto the crew deck she wondered if Kaidan would be awake now and hesitated briefly before turning left and walking towards the med bay.

Just as she rounded the corner the bulkhead of the medbay slid open and Kaidan stepped out, dressed in Alliance sweats and t-shirt. He still looked pale and she couldn't believe he was up on two feet already.

"Alenko, what the hell are you doing up?" Nick exclaimed sharper than intended.

"Commander," he answered, his voice slurred slightly from the medication the doctor had given him and swaying as he stood in front of her. He steadied himself with one hand. "I just wanted to grab a bite to eat."

Her expression and her voice softened. "Kaidan. Please, lay down again. I'll get you something to eat and bring it to you." He hesitated, looking skeptical, and Nick raised her eyebrows. "Don't you trust me to at least make you a sandwich?"

"No, I mean yes. I mean, of course you can make a sandwich," he stuttered, but he didn't go back into the medbay. Instead he followed her slowly to the galley and leaned against the counter, watching her as she took out the makings for some sandwiches.

They stood side by side in silence for a short moment until Nick began speaking.

"Kaidan, I owe you an apology," she offered. He didn't reply immediately and she felt her resolve crumbling under his silence.

Finally he spoke. "Why?"

"Why?" she repeated, glancing at him in amazement. "Because I acted like complete bitch, that's why. I'm not good at apologizing, and I'm not good at admitting I was wrong." She let out a small laugh. "And now I have to do both. You were right. On Xawin I acted rashly and arrogantly. And I treated you badly for saying the truth." She turned to face him fully. "And the past few days I treated you like shit because I couldn't get over my own wounded pride."

"Shepard … ."

"No, Kaidan, let me finish. Please. I'm sorry." She held up a hand and her voice cracked as she continued. "I thought I'd lost you back there on Virmire."

"Nick," Kaidan said softly.

The way he said her name made her knees go soft.

He reached out and ran his fingertips along her jawline. She froze momentarily under the tender touch and her breath hitched as she lifted her eyes to look into his and found them roaming over her face. She unconsciously wet her lips and moved closer to him as his fingers gently gripped her chin, tilting her head upward. Slowly, slowly he lowered his mouth to hers, his warm breath ghosting over her lips as they closed the last distance between them and their lips met.

_Finally._

A whimper escaped her and she shivered with delight. Kaidan began to pull away, looking uncertain. Her hands shot up, holding his face and Nick kissed him again, harder this time. She felt his strong arms wrap around her and she parted her lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss. He ran the tip of his tongue over her bottom lip and their tongues met, dancing around each other. Heat pooled low in her stomach and she gripped him harder as he caught her bottom lip gently between his, pressing herself firmly against him.

All of a sudden Kaidan broke off the kiss with a sharp hiss.

"Sorry," he winced, holding his side.

"Nothing to be sorry about," Nick whispered and stood on her tiptoes to give him another kiss, reluctant to let him go. She felt happier than she had for days. "You should probably lie down again." She ran her fingertips gently down his chest to the bandage.

"You might be right." Kaidan gave her his typical lop-sided smile. "Good night, Nick." His voice was huskier than usual as he took the plate with the sandwiches and slowly went back to the medbay.

Nick stood for a moment watching him before she returned to her cabin and leaned against the cool bulkhead, feeling all hot and bothered and craving another kiss, another touch.

_Craving much more than that._

"Goddammit," she said quietly into the empty room, willing down the arousal of her body. With a sigh Nick undressed and stepped into the shower, turning on the cold water. She wanted so much more than just a kiss; she wanted all of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nick and Kaidan finally kiss and we've left canon behind us with no turning back. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!


	29. Grounded

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long, but this chapter was not cooperative. Now, without further delay, enjoy! Oh, yeah, the beginning is NSFW. :)

The next morning Nick woke feeling oddly refreshed, but … needy. It took her a moment to realize she had slept all night without any dreams or visions waking her up. Instead she felt almost euphoric. And then she remembered.

She had kissed Kaidan.

He had kissed her.

They had kissed - and it had been bliss.

The memory of that first kiss caused Nick to grin into her pillow, hugging it firmly as she relived his arms around her, his lips on hers, the taste of his kiss, the feel of his tongue sliding over hers. She wanted it all again. Her mind began to wander off, conjuring up images of what else she would like him to with his tongue, and her body reacted immediately.

Nick stifled a groan as arousal rushed through her.

She cupped her breasts and softly began kneading them, imaging Kaidan's warm, calloused hands doing the same thing before taking a rosy bud in his mouth, circling it with his tongue. Her breathing sped up and she ran her hands down her sides, the cool air in her cabin causing her nipples to pebble. Gently, she stroked the insides of her thighs andlet her legs fall open as she skimmed her fingertips through her pubic hair.

Nick closed her eyes and traced a finger along her opening, spreading the moisture that the memory of Kaidan's kiss has aroused. She gently circled the sensitive nub with teasing fingertips and trailed her other hand up along the scar under her ribcage up to her breasts. Her climax built, and, stifling a moan and biting her bottom lip, she dipped her fingers lower, sliding them slowly in and out of her core.

"Fuck," she groaned as her climax rushed over her and she shuddered with release.

Nick lay still as her orgasm subsided. A glance at her alarm clock told her she had roughly ten more minutes before she had to get up. Groaning, she swung her legs over the edge of the bed and sat up. She took a deep breath, stretched and dropped to the floor to exercise, counting each push-up under her breath.

Ten minutes later, showered and clean, she stepped into the mess with her hair pulled back in a regulation bun and her uniform immaculate as always. Her eyes wandered to the mess hall table and her heart did a small somersault when she saw Kaidan sitting there talking to Ashley, Tali and Garrus. Wrex and Liara were approaching the table from the other side, as was Joker on his crutches.

It was going to be crowded.

Shepard grabbed a mug of coffee and sat down on her usual seat next to Kaidan. "Lieutenant. Good to see you up and about. I'm a little surprised."

"Thank you, Commander. It's good to be up," he answered, smiling at her. "Medigel sure is a useful thing. I wouldn't be here without it."

Nick couldn't help but return the smile, though concern for him shot through her at his last comment. "Good thing we have medigel then."

"Oorah," Ashley and Kaidan replied emphatically.

Wrex walked by, sniffed the air and laughed. "Somebody sure is happy today."

"Yeah." Nick leaned back in her seat. "I think last night was the first night since, oh, Eden Prime that I didn't wake up from that damn vision burned in my brain. It was almost perfect."

"That's good to hear, Commander," Kaidan said and took a swallow of coffee.

Her eyes flicked to Kaidan and back to Wrex who continued to snicker. The krogan caught her eye and tipped his nose, giving her a knowing look. Shepard knew exactly what the krogan was playing at and she scowled at him.

_Damn krogan and their sensitive noses._

Not much later Shepard stepped into the CIC and was greeted by Joker's voice over the intercom.

" _We've got confirmation on those reinforcements, Commander. Looks like somebody read those mission reports I forwarded for you. Ambassador Udina wants us to report to the Citadel._ "

"It's about bloody time." Shepard snorted. "Joker, we're actually going to do what the Ambassador wants for a change. Get us back to the Citadel."

* * *

Several days and three mass relay jumps later the Normandy docked on the Citadel and Nick felt oddly apprehensive. So far the Council hadn't been very helpful but deep down she didn't trust them to change their stance; not after all the time they'd spent ignoring her. Standing at ease behind Joker she watched as he taxied the Normandy into dock with sure movements.

Shepard threw a glance over her shoulder. Her whole ground team was assembled in the airlock, waiting to spend several hours of leave on the Citadel before accompanying her to the Council. If they'd all be allowed in the chamber with her, that was. And first she wanted to report to Anderson. She turned her eyes to the front again as the Normandy came to a halt and the sound of the docking clamps attaching to the hull could be heard.

"Open the comm," Shepard instructed her helmsman. Joker flipped the switch and she addressed her crew. "This is the Commander speaking. As you've noticed we've docked at the Citadel. Those that aren't on duty report back to the Normandy by 1800. Those that are on duty, you'll get your shore leave the next time we dock. Over."

She looked at Joker. "Will you get all diagnostics run by 1800? I want this bird to be ready as soon as we're done with the Council."

"Don't worry, Commander. She'll be ready." Joker sounded slightly insulted at the suggestion he wouldn't be done with pre-flight diagnostics in time.

Shepard gave him a smile and clasped his shoulder carefully. "And next time you'll get some R&R as well."

"Yeah, yeah. Now go, and annoy the shit out of the Council." Her helmsman waved her away. "Alenko, come here a minute, will ya?"

Kaidan caught her eye shortly and they exchanged a small smile as they passed each other, brushing fingertips ever so lightly. Nick heart thudded faster at the small touch. She suppressed the grin that wanted to spread on her face and the urge to turn around and look after him. Instead she walked past the others and opened the airlock, wondering what Joker wanted to tell him. She stepped off of the ship and turned to face her ground team again.

"We have almost four hours before the Council is ready to see us. Stock up on whatever you need and make sure it's delivered before 1900." She saw Kaidan join them as she continued, "Williams, Alenko - you're with me for now. You'll get your R&R after we've reported to the Captain. Everybody else - I'll get in touch with you once I'm done at the Embassy. Dismissed."

She watched her alien crewmates leave and set off with Kaidan and Ashley following three steps behind her as per Alliance custom. As they stepped off the elevator Nick found herself face-to-face with Khalisah bint-Al Jilani.

"Commander Shepard! A word please!" the reporter called out to her.

Nick cursed. It was tempting to ignore the annoying woman, but Nick knew she could use the media, so long as she kept her temper under control. Her step faltered imperceptibly and Shepard took a deep breath. The hint of a spicy cologne filled her nose and she relaxed.

With Kaidan standing behind her she could handle Al-Jilani.

"Ms. Al-Jilani." There was a hint of icy civility in Shepard's voice.

The reporter dipped her head a fraction. "Indeed. Khalisah bint Sinan Al-Jilani, Westerlund News. Would you answer a few answers for our viewers?"

"It depends on the nature of the questions, but for now, yes," Shepard answered, standing at ease.

"Of course, Commander," the reporter responded silkily. Nick's fingers twitched, wanting to curl into a fist, but she just smiled at the woman in front of her. Al-Jilani went on. "Humans have been trying to gain the respect of the galactic community for twenty-six years. With that in mind, what are your feelings on being the first human Spectre?"

"The Spectres recruit only the best, so for me personally it's a great honor. But, at the end of the day, it's only another job."

"Some have compared your assignment with the Council ' _throwing humanity a bone_ '. Have you encountered any situations where the Citadel asked you to put its interests above Earth's?"

"It's not that simple, Ms. Al-Jilani," Shepard told her firmly. "The Council is responsible for the concerns of the whole galactic community, not just Earths. We are one of many, but we're not forgotten."

"You really believe that, don't you?" The reporter arched an eyebrow at Shepard before continuing. "You've been given command over an advanced human warship for your mission. Is there anything you would like to tell us?"

"Actually, the Normandy was co-designed by human and turian engineers. I'm afraid I can't tell you anything about the innovations aboard. Classified." Shepard had a small smile on her face, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"So the turians have knowledge of the Normandy that is being kept secret from the Alliance public?" Before Shepard could reply the reporter asked the next question. "Do you think it was appropriate to hand the Earth's most advanced warship over to the Citadel?"

"The Normandy hasn't been handed over to anyone. Last I checked, I'm human, and so is my crew."

"Yes," the reporter admitted. "But you do work for the Citadel now. Speaking of your new job, did the Council order you to sabotage human research concern on Noveria?"

Shepard curled her hand into a fist behind her back. "The Council had nothing to do with it. There was an accident at one of the labs and unfortunately the only way of dealing with the situation was to blow up the hot labs. That's all I can say."

"I … see," Al-Jilani glanced at her data pad. "Do you think humanity will ever get the respect it deserves from the galactic community?"

"Respect is a funny thing. You just said 'get the respect we deserve'. People always think they deserve respect, but that's not how it works," Shepard replied softly, shaking her head. "The hard truth is, respect is earned. You have to work for it. So the real question is  _Can we earn it?_. Of course we can, but it will take time. As you said earlier, we've only been part of the galactic community for twenty-six years. That isn't such a long time considering how old the Council is."

"You're an idealist, Commander. I hope you're right. One last question. Rumors say you're tracking a rogue Spectre named Saren. Do you have any comment on the subject?"

Shepard straightened her shoulders and gave Al-Jilani a tight smile that didn't reach her eyes. "The Council appointed me to bring him in. That is all I have to say about this." Her tone made clear that it was useless for the reporter to pursue the subject.

Khalisah Al-Jilani scowled at her for a moment, but quickly regained her composure. "Thank you for your time, Commander."

Shepard nodded curtly, and stepped away, followed closely by her squadmates. They walked to the elevator to the Embassies. As soon as the doors closed Shepard exhaled noisily.

"Shepard?" Kaidan asked tentatively. "You okay?"

Nick turned to him. "You have no idea how much self-control it took me not to make Al-Jilani eat her data pad. I can't stand that woman." She turned her eyes to the front. They stood silently for a moment and Nick could feel the curious glances at her back. She sighed, and elaborated. "She reported about Akuze and said little in favor of the Alliance military. Or myself."

"What did she write about you, Skipper?" Ashley inquired just as the elevator doors opened.

They stepped into the Presidium commons and Shepard led the way to the railing around the lake. She waited until Kaidan and Ashley stood next to her, each on one side.

"I made Lieutenant shortly before Akuze and it was my first larger mission as squadron leader," Shepard began quietly, looking over the lake. "She claimed the Alliance made a mistake by sending a task force under the command of an 'inexperienced officer' to investigate the disappearance of the colonists. Then she called me an 'attention seeking military brat' who just happened to get the mission because I'd been incredibly lucky on Elysium."

A quiet "Whoa" from Ashley was the only response and Nick turned her head to look at Kaidan. He wasn't looking at her, but his clenched jaw was enough to tell her he was upset about Al-Jilani's defamatory reports. He must have felt her gazing at him because he turned his and met her gaze, eyes dark with anger.

Shepard smiled at him and her heart fluttered when he returned the smile.

"This interview must've been very frustrating for her then," Kaidan stated after a short moment. Nick raised her eyebrows questioningly. "Well," he began, holding her eyes, "if she was looking to harm your reputation you pulled away the ground under her feet by staying polite despite her insinuating questions."

Her smile widened to a grin and she clasped his shoulder. "You might be right. I like the way you think, Lieutenant."

"Should I leave you two alone?" Ashley asked with a smirk.

"No, Chief, we're going to report to the captain now." Shepard pushed herself away from the railing and walked towards the Embassies.

To their surprise they found the doors of the human embassy locked. Shepard swore before turning on her heels and going back to the front desk.

"I need to speak to Captain Anderson," she informed the asari clerk.

"I'm sorry, Commander," the clerk replied. "Captain Anderson and the ambassador are in an important meeting. They can't be disturbed."

Shepard leaned forward. "I was told I would be able to contact the captain at  _all times_."

The asari returned her look and repeated what she had said before. Shepard took a deep breath and left without another word. She took a few steps and opened her omnitool. After typing something in she said, "We have several hours before the Council wants to see us. I don't know about you two, but I'm ready for some R and R."

"R and R sounds perfect," Kaidan answered. "But how will you inform the Captain of our findings?"

Nick smiled at him and tipped the side of her nose with her finger. "You forget that I've known Anderson all my life. He's something between an older brother and an uncle. I just sent a message to his private account. And before you ask, we have a ... code. He doesn't even necessarily have to read my message, just the subject."

"Convenient, Skipper."

"It is. I just hope he has a chance to check his messages and reply," Shepard said thoughtfully as she glanced at her omnitool with a frown and closed it. "Anyway, I'm heading to the Wards. There are a few shops I want to check and maybe grab a bite to eat. You're welcome to join me." She looked at them waiting for a response. Kaidan gestured her to lead the way and they set off.

"We're officially off duty, right?" Ashley asked innocently as they stepped off of the shuttle at the lower Wards Rapid Transport terminal and put an arm around Kaidan's shoulders. He shot her a short glance and rolled his eyes.

"Aren't you ever going to stop pestering us, Ash?" he asked, shaking his head with a smirk.

"Oooh! So it's 'us' now. Tell me all the details!"

Nick glimpsed at them over her shoulder. There was this easy camaraderie between those two again and she felt another surge of envy. On a sudden impulse she swung around and hooked her arm under Kaidan's as they walked through the lower Wards. Peeking around him she looked at Ashley.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Ash."

The friendly banter between them was suddenly interrupted by a voice they'd heard once before.

"Commander Shepard!"

Nick looked around and saw the frantic waving figure of Conrad Verner.

"Oh, for fucks sake," she groaned and let go of Kaidan's arm, as did Ashley. "I'll take care of this." With a quick step she went over to the enthusiastic fan. "Conrad, is there something you want? I'm a little busy."

"Commander," Verner could barely contain his excitement. "You need help against Saren, right? I thought maybe you could recruit me? To be a Spectre?" He faltered as he saw Shepard's expression.

"Are you fucking serious?!" Shepard took a deep breath. "Conrad, listen. I appreciate your offer, but I don't think that's a good idea."

"I'd be right there with you, Commander! Together we could show the Council what humanity is capable of. I - "

"No, Conrad. I can't just sign you up as a Spectre. I was evaluated for  _years_  before I was officially asked to join. And what does your wife think of your notion? Does she even know about it?" Shepard shook her head. "We all have responsibilities. Yours is to keep your family safe. Mine is to hunt down Saren with my crew. And sometimes I have to remember that I can't save all I'm responsible for." She hesitated, a pained expression fleeting over her face. "Are you willing to sacrifice someone important to you to do the mission?"

With a crestfallen look Conrad stepped back. "I ... think I know what you mean. Thank you, Commander. I'll think about what you said." He walked away.

Shepard took another deep breath as she watched him leave.

"Let's move," she said quietly, her playful mood dissipating slowly.

After visiting a number of vendors they made their way to meet the Council. They met Tali, Garrus and Liara on the way, taking the elevator up to the Council chamber together. To Shepard's surprise Wrex was already waiting at the foot of the steps.

Ambassador Udina was awaiting them and signaled for Shepard to join him on the pedestal. She viewed her crew and then asked Kaidan and Garrus to join her as she went up the last flight of stairs.

Udina turned to face Shepard. "The Council has finally agreed to take action against Saren. Well done, Commander."

The asari councilor dipped her head in acknowledgement. "The ambassador is right. If Saren is foolish enough to attack the Citadel - as you believe - we will be ready for him." Tevos looked at the turian councilor to continue.

"Patrols are stationed at every mass relay linking Citadel space to the Terminus Systems." Sparatus explained.

Shepard shifted uneasily. "And what about Ilos? That's where Saren is right now, looking for the Conduit and that's where we should be! A blockade isn't going to be enough."

"Ilos is only accessible through the Mu relay, deep in the Terminus Systems, Commander," the salarian councilor said in a condescending tone. "If we take the fleet there we risk a full-scale war."

"Now is the time for discretion, Commander," Udina commented. "Saren's greatest weapon was secrecy. Exposed he is no longer a threat. This is over."

The was nothing but contempt in Shepard's face as she swivelled around to glare at the human ambassador. "Saren is only a lackey. Sovereign is the real threat! We should worry about the Reapers. You must understand that. And secrecy isn't his greatest weapon, the Conduit is!"

The look on Tevos face was almost pitying. "You are the only one that has seen the Reapers. And then only in visions. We won't invade the Terminus Systems because of a dream."

Shepard clenched her fists. "It wasn't a dream. It was a goddamn vision burned into my mind by a prothean beacon. On Virmire was another beacon and it gave us missing fragments of the vision!"

"As we've said before, Saren is a master manipulator. The Conduit is surely only a ruse, a distraction from his real plan to attack the Citadel," The salarian stated.

"The fuck it is!" Shepard snarled at the dalatrass and exhaled slowly, regaining her composure. "Send me after him. One ship going into the Terminus Systems won't start a war." She paused. "I can be discreet."

Sparatus huffed. "You detonated a nuclear device on Virmire! I wouldn't call that discreet."

Before Shepard could answer the asari Councilor spoke. "Your style served you well in the Traverse, Commander. We recognize that. But Ilos requires a deft touch. We have the situation under control."

"Under control?! Are you fucking kidding me? No, you don't!" Shepard nearly growled. "If Saren finds the Conduit we're all screwed. We have to get to Ilos!"

The turian Councilor turned towards Udina. "Ambassador Udina, I get the feeling Commander Shepard isn't willing to let this go."

"There are serious political implications, Commander. And while humanity has made great gains thanks to you, now you're becoming more trouble than you're worth." Udina's voice rang loudly in her ears.

"You bastard," Kaidan growled. "You're selling us out!" He took a step forward, but a hand signal from Shepard stopped him in his tracks. Bristling, he assumed his earlier position.

Udina threw a withering glance at Kaidan as he stepped away from Shepard and her crewmates. "It's just politics. You've done your job, Shepard, now let me do mine. We've locked out the Normandy's primary systems. Until further notice you're grounded."

Shepard walked close to the human ambassador. "You son of a bitch. Nobody stabs me in the back.  _Nobody_." Her voice was laced with ice, as was the look she cast at the Council. "You are making a grievous mistake." She turned her back on them and marched down the stairs without sparing the councilors another glance. Her squadmates followed silently, all disgusted by the treatment their claims had received.

* * *

Nick was still seething when they returned to the Normandy. She felt like punching something, but first she had to try to appeal to the brass.  _Somebody_  had to realize that this was  _wrong_.

"Joker, get me a connection to Admiral Hackett ASAP!" she barked as she passed through the CIC, sweeping through the Normandy like a hurricane. "And put it through to my cabin!"

Joker turned to Kaidan and the others as they passed him. "Would somebody tell me what the hell is going on?"

Kaidan doubled back to the helm, looking grim. "Try getting us away from dock. Go ahead. Try."

Joker punched in the command, but his board remained red. "What the ... ?"

"We're grounded," Kaidan answered through clenched teeth. "Udina sold us out and we're locked down." He gave Joker a quick summary of the meeting with the Council. Kaidan nodded towards the comm. "And now you should probably get that connection to the brass up before Shepard gets really mad."

With a sigh he leaned back against the bulkhead, eyes closed. "I've never seen her this upset. I'm certain Udina missed being punched by a hair's breadth." He held up his hand, thumb and index finger barely touching. "Or being shot. Honestly, he would've deserved it."

Kaidan pushed himself away from the bulkhead. "And now I need something to eat."

Contemplating what had happened in the Council chamber Kaidan sat in the mess hall picking at his food a short time later. No matter how he turned the events around in his head he could neither understand the Council nor the human ambassador.

Ashley, Garrus and Wrex suddenly appeared, along with some of the engineers.

"Spirits, good thing Shepard isn't a biotic. She'd probably have punched a hole in the hull otherwise," Garrus said as they came around the corner.

Kaidan turned halfway around on his seat. "What's she doing?"

"Wrecking the punching bag," Ashley offered. "And blasting metal from her omnitool."

Kaidan stared at his plate. "Maybe she needs a sparring partner," he suggested.

"Lieutenant, if your are considering sparring with the Commander, you can forget about it right now." Dr. Chakwas' voice sounded from the medbay, followed shortly by the woman herself. She looked at him sternly and Kaidan held up his hands. "You'll be doing shipside duty for a month if you even think about sparring."

"I didn't say I wanted to. I just thought a sparring partner might be more challenging than just the punching bag," he defended himself.

The doctor  _hmpfed_ , not seeming very convinced by his statement. He ignored Ashley's grin and the low chuckles from Garrus and Wrex and brought his empty tray to the galley. Kaidan felt their gazes boring into his back as he walked past the table towards the elevator, making his shoulders tingle. He knew he shouldn't spar and he wasn't going to, but maybe Shepard would talk to him.

He took a deep breath as he stepped onto the elevator and punched the button down to the cargo bay. The thought of being alone with Shepard was exciting, like the rush before doing something dangerous. Or the rush of ... he shook himself.

He was greeted by the sound of music blaring through the cargo hold - loud, fast, and aggressive - before the doors had opened all the way. Kaidan heart rate sped up at sight of Shepard in a N7 tank top and sweats. His tongue darted out to moisten dry lips and he slowly wandered to the makeshift gym.

"Shepard, are you okay?" he asked, watching her pummel the equipment with hard blows and cursed himself instantly; of course she wasn't okay.

"Alenko, I swear if you ever ask me such a stupid question again I'll have you flat on your back on the other side of the cargo bay. Biotic or not." She cast a short glance at him before turning her attention back to the punching bag. "And I thought we were past the last name basis by now."

"Yes. I guess we are," he said smiling as he stepped within her range. "There has to be something we can do. After all, we're under Alliance authority. Maybe we could appeal to the Brass?"

Nick stopped the bag from swinging and shook her head. "I already tried that. Official channels are closed. Hell, I practically begged Hackett to use his influence to get us out of here and all he told me was that the Council supersedes the Alliance here." She let out an annoyed snort and dropped to the ground to do sit-ups. "We're stuck here."

"So we're just supposed to sit back and watch the Reapers roll in? Best seats in the house, huh?" He watched her closely.

Nick's eyes darted up to meet his. "Somebody else can have the best bloody seats. I could really use your help thinking of a way to get us to Ilos, because this isn't over."

"My help, huh?" He smirked and took another step towards her, forcing her to put her head back in order to look at him.

"C'mon, Kaidan," she rolled her eyes at him.

"You know I'm here for you," he said softly. "But what exactly are we? Are we the pride of the fleet? Valued agents or just peons?"

"Depends on who you ask," Shepard answered, looking around for a towel. Kaidan spotted it and handed it to her. He watched as she dried off the sweat, his eyes following the towel as she patted it down the column of her throat.

"Yeah," he replied roughly. "The Council doesn't seem to agree. I was worried you were going to shoot them."

"Believe me, I was tempted."

"You'll think of something. You always do. That's one thing I lo- appreciate about you," he corrected quickly, hoping she hadn't noticed the slip of his tongue.

Nick lay the towel on the floor and grinned up at him. "Here we are, scheming to save the galaxy, and you're sweet talking me."

"Maybe I just need practice. I'd say we have the time now." He held out his hand to help her up.

She took hold of his hand and he pulled just as she pushed herself up, sending her crashing into him. Her body collided with his and he wrapped his free arm around her, her hand sliding from his shoulder slowly down to his chest. His eyes widened briefly in surprise before tightening his hold on her.

"Feeling bold, Alenko?" she purred.

"Maybe a little," he responded with a lopsided smirk and leaned in to kiss her.

Her lips were soft and welcoming, they parted lightly at his touch and he deepened the kiss. Her scent, a mixture of sweat, gun-oil, and spices, filled his nose. How could she always smell so good? Her arms wrapped around him and he pulled her even closer.

" _Sorry to interrupt, Commander. Got a message from Captain Anderson. He said to meet him at Flux_." Joker's voice came from the speaker and they broke their kiss. Kaidan closed his eyes briefly to hide his annoyance at the pilot.

"How'd you know where I was?" Nick asked, eying the speaker suspiciously.

" _I didn't; just knew you were on the ship and decided to pass the message on._ "

"Uh-huh. Thanks, Joker. Tell him I'm on my way," she answered, looking at Kaidan, who stepped back.

"Think he listened in?" Kaidan asked quietly.

"Do you really have to ask?" Nick replied.

"No," he laughed. "Not really. Well, I guess you'd better go."

Nick pulled him close again. "You're coming with me. We're going on a date," she whispered against his lips before pressing her lips onto his. She pulled back slowly, smiling for the first time since reaching the Citadel.


	30. Carpe Noctem

Kaidan watched Shepard walk to the elevator. He had known for quite a while that  _he_  was in trouble, but the fact that she seemed to feel the same way didn't make following regulations any easier. The kiss after Virmire could put down to him being slightly drugged from his meds, but just now? He had no such excuse.

_And neither does Shepard._

It was time they finished this mission and got some proper shore leave, and the chance to figure out exactly what they wanted.

Or better; if they wanted the same thing.

Kaidan went to the weapons bench and began checking his pistol, throwing glances at the assault rifles on their rack. Nick seemed convinced he should learn to use them again, but he hadn't shot with an assault rifle since basic, and he wasn't quite sure why she was so adamant about it. She'd also made him use the sniper rifle on more than one occasion.

_Why was she pushing him? Did it have something to do with reaching his full potential? Did she maybe think a wider weapon proficiency was necessary to be a good soldier after all?_

He barely registered the sound of the elevator doors opening until he heard Ashley's voice.

"Hey, LT. How did your talk with Shepard go?"

Kaidan didn't have to turn around to know the chief was grinning from ear to ear.

"Good," he answered without looking up, reassembling his pistol with well-practiced hands. Everything worked smoothly.

"Good? Come on, you can tell me more." Ashley leaned against the bench, watching his movements critically. She didn't trust anybody to know how to maintain weapons properly. Maybe Shepard. And Garrus, but anyone else was under constant scrutiny.

"Satisfied, Chief?" Kaidan held out his pistol to her.

"Only if you tell me,  _in detail,_  how your talk with Shepard went."

"I'm on duty, Ash," he sighed. "Sort of."

"No, you aren't." She snorted. "You're just trying to weasel your way out of telling me."

"Weasel my - ?" he shook his head. "We talked about appealing to the Brass and that the Council barely missed being shot. That was mostly it." Kaidan shrugged.

His friend took the pistol out of his hand and began inspecting it. Kaidan stepped back, crossing his arms and watching Ashley as she frowned at the weapon in her hands.

"This actually looks pretty good, LT. I don't think I could have done it any better," she admitted. "But I don't believe that's all you talked about."

"You should, because it was, Ash." He wasn't going to tell her about the kiss. "And you know, just because you're a soldier and I'm a sentinel doesn't mean my weapon proficiency is lower than yours. You can stop acting so surprised."

The elevator doors opened again and Shepard stepped out with her hair still damp from the shower she had needed after her workout. Her gaze fell on Kaidan and Ashley and a light hue of red bloomed on her cheeks.

"Something  _did_ happen between you two," Ash whispered to him. "She just blushed when she looked over here."

"No, she didn't," Kaidan deflected. "Why should she?"

"You tell me." Ashley grinned at him, but she dropped the subject as Shepard strode to them.

"Ready, Lieutenant?" Shepard asked, her eyes wandering to the assembled pistol. "I don't think you'll need your gun. We're going straight to Flux to meet the captain and then we head right back. And you do have your biotics if things get rough."

"Better be safe than sorry, Shepard," Kaidan replied, holstering his weapon. "My biotics have to cool down before I can use them again, same goes for my omnitool."

"Always cautious," Shepard said, smiling at him.

"Mostly," he answered.

Shepard exchanged a look with Ashley.

"Always," both women said simultaneously.

"If it makes you happy, take it along. You have five minutes to meet me at the airlock," Nick told him. Their eyes met and she mouthed  _date_  at him silently before turning away. "Vakarian! You're coming along as well."

" _If it makes you happy, take it along_ ," Ashley whispered in a singsong way, bumping her shoulder against his.

Kaidan rolled his eyes at her, cleaning away the gun oil and rags he had used. He walked to the elevator and stepped onto it together with Garrus.

"How did your talk with Shepard go?" Garrus asked as the doors closed.

Kaidan looked at him incredulously. "Not you too. You and Ash have to be the most meddlesome friends in the galaxy. Don't you guys have any other things to worry about?"

Garrus clicked his mandibles in amusement. "I'm not meddlesome. I just happen to know how Shepard feels about you."

Kaidan looked down at the ground, wondering just how much Shepard had told Garrrus. Had she told him about the kiss after Virmire? He was aware that their close friends had most likely noticed the little changes the past few days; the little touches and quick smiles. But they didn't know they had kissed. At least he hadn't told anyone.

The doors opened and they headed up to the airlock. Joker grinned at him as they passed the open bulkhead.

"Have fun," the pilot called.

Nick was pacing the small space as they arrived.

"About time. Let's get to the Captain and then get the hell off of this station." She was nearly bouncing with excitement.

They took the quickest route to Flux and saw Anderson sitting at a table near the window. Shepard slid into the seat across from him.

"Captain, we came as quickly as we could. You wanted to speak to me?"

Anderson gestured for Kaidan and Garrus to sit down as well and ordered a round of drinks for them.

"It'll look suspicious otherwise," was his explanation. Shepard nodded briefly. "How are you holding up?"

"Am I here as Commander or Nick?" she asked in a low voice.

"A little bit of both," Anderson answered with a smile.

"I'm fucking angry," she spat out. "Those idiots dismissed everything I told them. And then Udina managed to stab us in the back. Fucking bastard."

"I know," Anderson looked serious. "I tried to get word out to you, but Udina got me wrapped up in petty discussions and I had no chance to warn you."

Again Shepard dipped her head in agreement. "It's okay, Uncle Dave. What do you have for me?"

"An idea." He took a swallow of his beverage and continued, "You have to get to Ilos to stop Saren - "

Shepard huffed. "There's only one ship fast enough to get there in time, and she's locked down!"

"Let me finish!" Anderson admonished her for interrupting. "There are two places on the Citadel where the lockdown can be lifted - Udina's office and Citadel Traffic Control. My idea is I sneak into either one and override the lockdown."

"Are you fucking crazy?" Nick hissed, leaning across the table.

Anderson blinked at her, undeterred.

Kaidan couldn't believe his ears. What the captain was suggesting was treason, a capital offense. He shifted uneasily. "Sir, they'll court martial you if you get caught."

"Then I'll just have to be careful," the older marine responded.

Kaidan and Nick exchanged furtive glances. It was quite obvious Shepard wasn't happy about Anderson risking his career, but Kaidan couldn't think of another possibility either.

They sat in silence for a few minutes nursing the glasses in front of them.

"Going to traffic control is crazy," Garrus put in suddenly. "There are always officers on duty there."

""I agree," Shepard said. "If you want to have any chance of success you have to hope Udina isn't in his office."

Their superior officer nodded. "That's my assessment at well." Anderson looked each one of them in the face. "Then we're agreed on that? I'll make my way to Udina's office and get access to his computer?"

Shepard frowned, twisting her half-empty glass in her hands. "I guess. I don't like it, but I can't think of an alternative. It just feels ... wrong that you should risk your career so we can vamoose."

"I'm not risking my career so you can run for it. I'm risking it so you can do your job and save the galaxy."

"Great," she muttered. "No pressure or anything."

"Veronika, you work best under pressure. That's what makes you an excellent officer," Anderson told her. "You're willing to make decisions when others hesitate and you generally find a solution with minimal casualties. And that is a trait that makes people want to follow you."

Shepard blushed.

"He's right," Garrus' two-toned voice broke the momentary silence.

Kaidan couldn't help but smile at her and nod encouragingly when she glanced at him, causing her to blush even more.

Shepard finished her drink. "When will you go to the Embassies?"

"Soon. The Ambassador will probably be in his office for at least half an hour yet. I'm going to get on my way now. You stay here and enjoy your drinks yet." Anderson stood up.

She took a deep breath and whispered, "Okay."

They sat in silence as they focused on their drinks and Nick felt a pang of regret as she watched Kaidan finish his. She had told him they'd have a date, but it sure as hell didn't look like it now. She had planned on listening to whatever information Anderson had for her, sending Garrus back to the ship to inform the crew and dragging Kaidan off for dinner. Now they would be returning to the Normandy again by the quickest route.

As they stepped onto the elevator to the dock Kaidan turned to Shepard.

"I'm sure the Captain will find a way not to get caught, Shepard," he said to her in a hushed tone.

She nodded slowly as they approached Normandy's airlock. Nick reached out to activate the hatch, but then pulled her hand back again and faced Kaidan and Garrus, leaning against Normandy's hull instead.

"I hate it. He gave up command of the Normandy for me and has to deal with this … this …  _politician_  … on a daily basis. And now he's going to risk everything he worked for so we can steal the Normandy and commit mutiny? Fuck, fuck,  _fuck_! What if it doesn't work? What if he gets caught? It's not only his career on the line here. It's my career. It's  _your_  career." She pointed at Kaidan. "It's the career of every damn serviceman on this ship." Nick paused and hung her head. When she lifted it again there was a gleam of determination in her eyes. "We better get aboard so we're ready." She took a deep breath. "And I have to tell the crew. I can't force anyone to mutiny. It has to be their choice. Wonder how many'll leave?" she whispered as she punched the controls opening the door to the decon chamber.

"None," Kaidan told her firmly and Garrus echoed it.

"Kaidan," she sighed, catching his gaze. "You shouldn't assume others feel the same way as you do."

"I don't have to. But I'm willing to bet no one will leave." Kaidan fell silent as the bulkhead to the CIC slid open. He watched as Shepard straightened her shoulders before stepping out of decon and walking to the helm. And though he wasn't sure if she believed him or not, he was certain the crew would follow her to hell and back. He cast a glimpse at Garrus and saw the turian equivalent of a frown as Garrus watched Shepard.

Kaidan walked past the cockpit and was near the the CIC when the alert for a shipwide announcement sounded. He returned the salute of the marine on guard duty and then turned to face the speaker, all the while keeping an eye on the crew on duty.

" _This is Commander Shepard speaking. For those that are unaware, we've been grounded. The Normandy's primary systems have been locked down on the order of Ambassador Udina and the Council._ " The doubt that had filled her voice just a few moments ago in the decon chamber had disappeared.  _This_  was her Commander voice. Determined, with a hint of steel, and in this case, rage. " _Now here's the thing. We don't have time for this. Saren is on his way to Ilos and the Conduit and we have to be there before him. The problem is doing this the_ official  _way takes days at least._ We don't have days _._ "

She paused and they could hear her take a deep breath, as though preparing for a plunge.

" _I am now going to give you a choice. The only thing I ask of you is that, no matter which decision you make, you treat this as confidential. I have just returned from a meeting with Captain Anderson and we have decided to mutiny against these orders so we can continue our hunt for Saren. We are going to break the lockdown. I repeat, we are going to mutiny. The captain is going to override the lockdown to give us a chance to leave. Anybody who feels uncomfortable with this decision is free to leave, but you must leave now. You have no more than ten minutes until we attempt to get away. Shepard out."_

Kaidan looked around. He saw surprise on the faces of the CIC crew, but no one moved. Pressley came over to him and Kaidan tensed slightly. The navigator was one of the few people he wasn't sure about.

"Lieutenant, is that true? The Captain asked the Commander to mutiny?" Pressley asked.

Kaidan nodded.

"That means we're going to chase Saren?" Pressley pressed on.

"Exactly," Kaidan replied.

The navigator looked around. "Then there is no way anybody is getting me off this ship," Pressley stated loudly. Murmurs of approval ran through the room. Kaidan grinned. He didn't expect the reactions to be any different on the other decks, but he would check nonetheless.

* * *

Shepard stood behind Joker and closely watched the controls. Every once in a while she turned at the sound of footsteps, convince at least one crew member wouldn't be willing to mutiny with her, but every time it was just somebody walking from one station to the other or to Pressley; never to her.

She let out the breath she was holding.

"Just relax, Commander," Joker said with a roll of his eyes. "Nobody's going to leave."

She gave him an astonished look. "Kaidan said the same thing and so did Garrus, but … ." Her voice trailed off.

Her pilot snorted and threw a look at her as if she had said something revolting. "Why should anyone leave? You're the Hero of the Blitz and sole survivor of Akuze, youngest soldier to join the rank of N7 and highly decorated. Even if they don't agree with your decision they'll still stay because they believe you can pull it off." He shifted positions, returning his focus to the console in front of him..

"Stay alert," Shepard whispered suddenly, leaning towards the console. A feeling of anticipation tingled through her. "Anytime now."

The board turned green.

"Get us out of here, Joker!" Relief flooded through her; Anderson had not been caught.

"You bet!" He disengaged the docking clamps and the Normandy began drifting backwards.

Shepard gave him a careful pat on the shoulder before leaving the helm. She felt like she was in trance as she walked through the CIC towards the galaxy map to confirm their destination. Doubt gnawed at her and she forced any thought of failure down. She couldn't afford her crew sensing her doubts.

She called up Ilos on the map and marked it so that Joker could calculate the jump. She stepped away from the map and headed down to the crew deck, hoping to find Kaidan either at his work station or the mess, but a quick glance told her he was not there. Her step faltered briefly, debating whether to go to her cabin or eat something first. Or maybe he had a migraine? She craned her neck to look into the medbay, but it appeared to be empty.

With a small sigh she headed to the galley.

The mess sergeant saw her approach and began doling food onto a plate. She handed the tray to Shepard along with some hot sauce, knowing her CO would want it.

"Thank you, van den Hoek," Shepard said and sat down at the table. She kept glancing around as though expecting company. Giving herself a shake she ate and then went to her cabin.

* * *

Nick scrubbed her face, sitting at her desk. The cabin was dark, illuminated only by the glow of her terminal . She had spent the past hours going over all of the evidence they had gathered so far, and now she sat back with a sigh, rubbing her temples.

She closed her eyes, feeling more exhausted than she should have, when the sound of the bulkhead sliding open startled her back to reality. Nick turned her head to see who wanted something and was surprised to see Kaidan standing there, hesitating to take the last step in.

"Kaidan," she said as she stood up.

Apparently it was all the invitation he needed. He stepped into her cabin, the bulkhead closing behind him. "Shepard. How are you feeling?"

Nick glanced down at her uniform. "As if I shouldn't be wearing this uniform. On the other hand it's not like they gave us a choice."

"Yeah," Kaidan replied softly. "Hell of a thing. We had to break our oath to the Alliance so we can defend it." He hesitated and let out a small, nervous laugh. "This is probably stupid, but in case this all goes sideways I just wanted to let you know I've enjoyed serving under you, I mean, with you."

"I don't think I've had the pleasure of you serving under me." Nick raised her eyebrows suggestively. "I seriously think we should rectify that."

There was a moment of silence and the he asked huskily, "Is that an order,  _Commander_?"

"Shut up and get over here,  _Lieutenant_ ," she replied without thinking. Then she turned serious. "Kaidan, you know I'd never order you to do this. You once told me you don't do that kind of thing lightly. Well, neither do I."  _At least not anymore_ , Nick thought guiltily. Memories of the time between Elysium and Akuze and some time after that reared up in her mind.

"Nick." Her name was a mere whisper, but it sent shivers down her spine. "I'm here because I want to be here. If you want me to leave, I'll leave." Kaidan moved closer to her and her heart thudded wildly as he reached out and cupped her face gently. "If you want me to stay it'll be my pleasure to stay."

"I want you to stay," she breathed. Nick knew she shouldn't do this, but the fraternization regs seemed small and petty compared to what possibly lay ahead. She had had enough of fighting down her own feelings, and Kaidan obviously felt the same. She stepped closer, her eyes roaming his face.

There was a flicker of hunger in his eyes, mirroring her own feelings, and he tilted his head as he leaned tentatively closer. Her arms shot up of their own accord and wound around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss. She felt his arms encircle her waist as their lips crashed together. It wasn't a gentle kiss; it was a kiss filled with almost ravenous passion and longing.

Nick moaned into his mouth as his hands slid down her back and cupped her rear. She slowly pulled her lips away from his, just far enough to look into his eyes. They were dark with desire and she smiled as she kissed him softly, her tongue flicking over the scar on his lip.

Kaidan made a low rumbling sound at the back of his throat, his warm, velvety tongue sliding over hers before peppering kisses along her jawline to her pulse point.

Nick shuddered with a sigh. Her fingers wandered from his shoulders over the firm muscles of his chest downward and she began tugging at his shirt, wanting to run her hands over his skin. Kaidan stopped kissing her and stepped back. Smirking, he pulled his shirt over his head. She licked her lips as she ran her eyes over his body, and followed suit.

They undressed quickly and efficiantly, grinning at each other like lovestruck teenagers.

Kaidan's eyes widened in surprise as Nick grabbed him by the waistband of his skivvies and pulled him between her and the bed, only to push him backwards onto it.

He scooted up the bed with a grin and she followed him with a predatory look on her face, crawling up his body. Her hand brushed lightly over the bulge under the fabric of his boxer briefs and was rewarded with a soft hiss. She traveled her lips over his upper body teasingly, making his muscles twitch under the gentle touch.

His hands ran down her sides, exploring her curves while she planted a kiss after kiss on his sternum. Nick closed her eyes and inhaled the spicy scent of Kaidan's cologne mingled with the ever-present hint of ozone from his biotics.

She loved how he smelled.

Her mouth found his and she lost herself in the kiss. A squeal escaped her as Kaidan rolled her on her back, switching their positions.

"I was serious about the 'serving under me'- part," she said, raising her eyebrows.

"Mmh-hmm. Later," he replied as he kissed his way down the column of her neck to her breasts and then pulled away, running his eyes over her body. "You're so beautiful," he whispered hoarsely before cupping her breasts, kneading them gently. He circled his tongue around a nipple, causing it to pebble and her breath hitched when he sucked at the taut bud. His hand roamed downward and heat pooled in her nether regions.

Calloused fingertips ran over the soft skin of her inner thighs and her legs fell open, inviting him to explore a more secret part of her body. She arched her back as his fingers found that sensitive nub and stroked her clit. His mouth left her breast and he kissed his way along the scar under her rib cage and further down.

Settling between her legs he looked up at her. Nick licked her lips and he smirked, spreading her folds and running his tongue along the length of her slit. She whimpered softly as he flicked his tongue over her nub, licking and sucking at that sensitive mound.

"Kaidan," she rasped, writhing under the treatment of his tongue. "Oh my … Fuck. Me."

"Is that an order?" he asked, his voice throatier than usual with arousal.

"Damn straight it is," she retorted breathlessly.

"Patience," he chuckled and dipped a finger into her core. Her hips bucked as he moved it slowly in and out of her, and her fingers gripped his hair, tugging insistently, but he didn't budge. Instead he intensified his ministrations and she gasped as he slid in a second finger, curling them against that one spot while his tongue circled her nub.

Her body tensed and she sobbed as her orgasm washed over her. Kaidan kissed his way back up until he was face to face with her again, the tip of his cock teasing at her entrance.

"Hey, Beautiful," he said huskily. "Ready?"

Nick didn't waste breath on an answer. She wrapped her legs around his hips, urging him closer and he captured her bottom lip between his teeth as he pushed his length slowly into her, stretching and filling her completely. It felt wonderful; breathtaking, earth-shatteringly  _good_ , and it got even better when he began moving inside of her - slowly at first, then faster until he found the perfect rhythym.

Small, keening noises escaped her throat with every thrust and Nick clawed at his back as Kaidan tugged at her earlob with his teeth. Tension was building up low in her body again. She enveloped him with her legs, holding him close.

"My turn," she whispered and they rolled over, barely missing rolling off the bed. Once they were settled again she began rolling her hips, grinding against him. Kaidan groaned, his head falling back onto her pillow, eyelids fluttering. His hands grasped her hips, digging into her flesh as she rode him.

"Shepard … Nick,  _god_ , you feel so good," he murmured as he pulled her down for another hungry kiss. "I'm not going to last much longer."

"Me neither," she panted as she slid up and down his length. She was so close. Nick arched her back and gasped when she felt Kaidan rubbing her clit. He ceased when she leaned forward again, seeking his hands and intertwining their fingers as she picked up her pace. Gazing into each other's eyes their foreheads touched gently; the only sound was their panting as they approached their climax. Kaidan came with a soft grunt, Nick following shortly after with a lustful moan; fireworks danced before her eyes. Breathing heavily she collapsed onto him.

"Sorry it went so quick. It's been a while since I - " Kaidan began.

"Since you had sex?" Nick asked, nuzzling the crook of his neck.

"Sex with a woman," he clarified, running a hand slowly up and down her back.

They stayed like this for a while until Kaidan let out a long breath. "I should probably go," he suggested quietly, kissing the top of her head. Nick tilted her head up to recieve another kiss.

"No. Please stay," she invited him, proping herself on her elbow to look at him fully.

"Sure?"

"Abso- _fucking_ -lutely," came her emphatic reply as she dusted her fingertips over chest, moving lower with every circle.

He laughed softly, his amber eyes glinting with mischief. "Well, in that case,  _carpe noctem_."

Nick grinned at him as his hands rested on her ass, squeezing lightly. They kissed again; a slow, deep kiss that did nothing to cool the passion between them.


	31. The Conduit

Shepard slowly drifted to wakefulness through the hazy fog of sleep. Something was different; it smelled different and there was a weight laying across her stomach. She breathed in again.

_Hints of ozone; a spicy cologne._

_Kaidan._

Her eyes popped open and she was wide awake within seconds as memories of the past night came flooding back to her mind. And what a night it had been. They had gone more than one round before they had dozed off together, exhausted but happy. How could she have forgotten that she had slept with  _her lieutenant_?

Nick glanced at her alarm. They had nearly an hour before they were on duty again, but he should probably leave her cabin before everybody else was up and about. With a quiet sigh of regret she carefully untangled herself from Kaidan's embrace, trying not to wake him yet.

Their clothes still lay on the ground where they had been hastily discarded the previous evening. She gathered her uniform together to put everything in the laundry hamper and retrieved a fresh set of clothes from the closet before heading under the shower.

Not ten minutes later she sat on the edge of her desk watching the marine in her bed sleep peacefully. His generally pristine hair was tousled, his jaw slack. He looked so relaxed. Her heart stuttered. Nick knew she was in deep trouble. She truly didn't care about fraternization regs anymore; she just wanted Kaidan. Nobody had ever made her feel so relaxed or taken her outbursts of anger with the stride he had.

She would have to wake him soon, but for now Nick decided to enjoy the view she had of his naked form sprawled on his stomach. She licked her lips as her eyes traveled from his broad shoulders down to his narrow hips.

_What a sight._

The object of her observations stirred slowly and then rolled on his back, opening his eyes. For a moment he lay still, staring at the overhead. Nick watched as Kaidan pulled his eyebrows together in a brief frown before his face relaxed again and he sat up.

"Morning." His voice was rough with sleep, but the crooked smile on his face made her insides do a flip.

"Morning." Nick pushed herself off of the desk and kneeled on the bed. She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his lips. Kaidan responded by slipping her the tongue and deepening the kiss. She moaned softly.

" _Bridge to Commander Shepard, we're five minutes out from the Mu Relay!_ " Joker's voice rang through the cabin.

They pulled apart slowly, exchanging equally amused and annoyed glances.

"If he keeps it up like this I'm going to kill him," Kaidan whispered, running a thumb over her cheek.

Nick sniggered. "That might not be the best idea, Alenko. But it's tempting, that's for sure."

"At least he didn't interrupt us last night," Kaidan replied, amber eyes gazing at her intently. He took a deep breath. "I guess you'd better get going then."

"And you'd better get dressed and out of here before the morning rush starts. Otherwise we'll have a lot of explaining to do. Hop to it, marine!" Nick gave him another quick kiss before standing up and heading towards the bulkhead. Just as she reached it she cast a quick glance over her shoulder. Kaidan was watching her, but hadn't moved otherwise. She raised her eyebrows. "I'll see you in the helm in five minutes,  _Lieutenant_."

Nick turned away with a grin and left. She knew he would be there.

* * *

Kaidan watched the bulkhead close with a quiet whoosh. He dressed quickly and went to his sleeping pod, grabbing a fresh uniform and his shaving bag. Four minutes was not a lot of time to shower and shave, but he could do it.

On his way out he cast a rapid glance at Ashley's pod. It was empty. Kaidan groaned inwardly. Knowing Ash she would have noticed right away that his sleeper pod was empty and then jumped to conclusions.

_Great._

Five minutes later Kaidan stood outside the bulkhead to the helm, hair still damp from the shower, with two coffees in hand. He had even managed to make Shepard the quick version of his 'special', as she tended to call it.

Ashley and Liara were already there, both watching the mass relay approach at great speed. As he stepped inside Ash turned her head towards him and a grin immediately spread over her face.

"Sleep good last night, LT? Saw your pod was empty already when I got up." Her tone was teasing.

Shepard turned around at the mention of his rank, her eyes meeting his as a smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

"Never better," Kaidan replied, keeping a straight face as he walked past Ashley and handed Nick her coffee before taking the co-pilot seat. He powered up the console, ignoring the stares of the women as they burned into the back of his head. Kaidan kept his eyes locked on the terminal in front of him, watching the system diagnostics as the mass relay flung them toward their destination.

The Normandy dropped from FTL and instantly a number of hostile vessels appeared on his screen. "We have company," he informed them. Kaidan swallowed when he saw the sheer number of geth vessels orbiting Ilos.  _So many!_  He swiftly checked the stealth system; they were running silent.

"Have their sensors picked us up yet?" Liara sounded tense.

Joker snorted. "Stealth systems  _are_  engaged. Unless we're close enough for a visual they won't have any idea we're here!"

"Picking up some strange readings from the planet's surface," Navigator Pressley interrupted.

Shepard nodded. "Joker, take us down and lock in on those coordinates."

Pressley replied in the negative, telling them the nearest landing zone was two klicks away.

Kaidan frowned. "We won't make it on time if we go in on foot."

He looked at Shepard, who returned his gaze worriedly. "I agree. Pressley, can you find something closer?"

"Negative, Commander." The answer was prompt.

Kaidan watched as Shepard narrowed her eyes, scowling at the planet in front of them. "Drop us in the Mako."

The navigator spun around. "Commander, you need at least one hundred meters of open terrain to pull off a drop like that. The closest I can find is twenty!"

"Twenty meters!" Ashley exclaimed, voicing Kaidan's thoughts. "We need another landing zone."

"There is none!" Pressley snapped.

"The descent angle is too steep," Kaidan threw in.

He was just about to say more when Joker cut in.

"I can do it," the pilot stated.

Shepard looked at him. "Joker?"

He turned around and repeated firmly, "I can do it."

Kaidan watched as Nick looked out of the window at the approaching planet. He saw the muscles in her jaw twitch and she briefly closed her eyes. Then they snapped open and she turned her head to look at him.

"Alenko." Her eyes lingered on him for a moment before wandering further until they settled on Garrus, who had followed shortly after Kaidan. "And Vakarian. Suit up!"

Kaidan hurried to get up as Nick turned to look at Liara. "Sorry, Liara. You'll have plenty of opportunities to research the prothean ruins here after we've dealt with Saren. And I can't risk you getting distracted by some prothean artifact while the geth are busy shooting at us." The last sentence had a light, teasing note to it and Kaidan was aware that Shepard was trying to break the tension.

Today, there was no banter as they stripped down to their skivvies and quickly pulled on their underarmor, only the rustling sound of the fabric, followed by the sound of buckles and fastenings being closed.

As soon as Shepard was done, she turned her back to Kaidan and glanced at him over her shoulder. He stepped closer, slowly running his hands along the closures of her armor. Memories of the past night flooded through him and his breath caught in his throat as he thought of the soft skin underneath.

He rested his hands on her hips longer than was appropriate before the mandatory double pat on her shoulder.

"You're all set, Commander." His voice was rough.

Nick flashed him a smile thanking him, and signaled for him to turn around so she could return the favor. He wondered if her thoughts took the same turn as his did when he felt her hands run along his shoulder blades and down his sides. She gave him a light squeeze when her hands reached his hips, and then double-tapped his shoulder.

"Good to go, Lieutenant."

The comm crackled. " _We're approaching the drop zone, Commander. ETA two minutes._ "

"Thank you, Joker," Shepard answered, grabbing her prefered weapons and a number of grenades. Kaidan holstered his pistol and joined Garrus who had been finished before either of them as he always wore his armor. She motioned at the Mako. "Here we go, people."

They mounted, taking up their usual seats without Shepard having to say anything.

She opened a comm channel. "Joker, we're all set!"

"Aye-aye, Commander, ETA 30 seconds."

She started the Mako and the M-35 shook slightly as the engine droned, jostling them in their seats.

"Ten seconds, Commander." Joker's voice warned over the comm as the cargo ramp opened ahead of them.

Shepard played with the gas, revving the engine.

" _Five … four … three … two … one … go!_ "

The Mako lurched forward and Kaidan gripped the handle overhead. He shot a quick glance with Garrus only to see the turian gripping the handles firmly with both hands, mandibles fluttering in annoyance, before he assumed the correct position for the impending free fall.

The feeling in Kaidan's gut changed as the Mako went from a forward motion to free fall. It lasted mere seconds before Shepard activated the microthrusters slowing their descent. The impact on Ilos' surface jolted through his body and before he had a chance to recover the Mako surged forward as Shepard put the peddle to the metal.

Garrus swore loudly. "Dammit, Shepard! When are you going to learn the right timing for those thrusters?"

"Shut up, Vakarian," she snapped. "Look ahead!"

There, maybe thirty meters in front of them, they saw a number of geth entering an underground bunker, the gates closing behind them. Shepard urged the Mako forwards.

_They weren't going to make it._

"Shepard," Kaidan warned. "No way we're gonna make it!"

She swore profusely and slammed on the brakes, causing the Mako to skid as it came to a stop just meters in front of the closing gate.

"Dismount!" Shepard ordered, unfastening her safety buckles and grabbing her weapons. She scrambled out of the vehicle, running towards the gates. They snapped shut in front of her nose. "Fuck!" she exclaimed, running her hands over the gate, searching for a control panel. After a short moment she stepped away from the wall. "Lieutenant!"

Kaidan had already activated his omnitool. There was nothing here, no control panel, nothing. At least not on the  _outside_. He gave them the information.

Nick swore again, hands on her hips, glaring at the offending gate.

"If Saren got in there has to be a control panel somewhere," Garrus threw in.

Kaidan took a step towards Shepard. "Garrus is right, Shepard. We just have to find it," he said to her in a low voice. "And the sooner we move, the better."

Kaidan glanced around. Something was unsettling about this place. The ruins were full of vines creeping along the walls, large trees, and roots which gnawed at the stone. It was a lush world, but something was missing. He listened again as they slowly passed the Mako. Wind rustled in the leaves, but there was no sound of any animals. No birds, no insects. Nothing.

"Feel like I'm walking over somebody's grave," he muttered.

Garrus and Nick both turned to look at him, looking curious.

"Well, the protheans  _have_  been extinct for 50,000 years," Garrus stated.

Kaidan shook his head. "No, not only that. I mean, listen. There is nothing. No birds singing or insects chirping. There is n- "

A geth trooper suddenly stepped around a corner, followed by another, and Kaidan Threw them back before the others had time to aim at them. He drew his pistol and followed Shepard past the smoking bodies, picking their way carefully through thick ferns, over the roots and tendrils covering the ground, and weaving between fallen rocks.

Another geth appeared in her path and she blasted it backwards with her shotgun.

Nick frowned as she came to a clearing littered with fallen blocks and went into cover behind a pillar. Kaidan stepped next to her, opening his omni-tool while Garrus knelt down on one knee on the opposite side of the path, sniper rifle in shooting position.

"At least six tangos," Kaidan said. "No, wait. Two more just powered up."

"Let's even the odds," Shepard responded with a cold gleam in her eyes as she holstered her shotgun and traded it for her sniper rifle. She mirrored Garrus' position and the first two geth that ventured from cover fell to well-placed sniper shots. A third peeked around a barrier only to be fried by an Overload.

Nick switched weapons again and ordered them to advance. They sprinted for the next cover, popping out only to take out any geth troopers coming their way, when the familiar sound of an active geth armature reached Kaidan's ears.

He scooted to edge of the block and glanced around it. There. Not just one, but two geth armatures stood there. The first advanced slowly, it's head moving from one side to the other as it searched the perimeter. Kaidan's heart nearly stopped as Shepard broke cover and began firing at the first armature with her shotgun.

The geth's head swivelled in on her position and Kaidan Overloaded its shields. He immediately followed up the tech attack with a Warp and the armature crumpled to the ground. Shepard stood there, staring at the geth remains with an open mouth, seemingly oblivious of the second armature heading their way.

"Shepard! Get to cover, dammit!" Garrus' voice rang out.

Kaidan silently agreed as he waited for the hot, prickling sensation at the base of his skull to cool down, glancing at Shepard who still stood in clear sight of the geth.

_Damn stubborn woman._

He frowned at his omni-tool. The fabrication unit still wasn't finished priming the next tech grenade. He was aware of Garrus changing positions, unable to get a clear shot at the geth, and he watched as the armature's siege pulse shot towards Shepard. She rolled to the side in a perfect combat roll, evading it at the last moment.

The heat at the base of his skull was gone and Kaidan flared as he gathered his biotics, Lifting the geth off its feet.

"Wow!" Nick exclaimed with awe in her voice, lowering her shotgun a fraction before coming to her senses and shooting at the confused armature floating in mid-air. It crashed to the ground, smouldering, and filled the heavy air with the smell of fried circuits. She looked at Kaidan with a heated gaze when he stepped next to her and whispered, "That was pretty hot, Lieutenant."

Kaidan felt his cheeks burn at her comment and Garrus' quiet laughter behind them.

They continued their way through the ruins, following the stairs to a lower level and encountering a large number of geth hoppers before moving through a trench leading them deeper into the complex.

"Liara would've had a field day down here," Kaidan ventured, glancing at the statues they passed.

Nick let out a short laugh as she followed his gaze. "That's why I left her on the Normandy. We would've never gotten her away from all this."

"Maybe we should've left you on the Normandy, too, Shepard," Garrus teased. "You seemed a little distracted taking out those armatures."

Kaidan smirked as he watched Shepard cast an embarrassed glance at the ground, muttering something unintelligible under her breath as she purposefully strode through the trench in front of them, shotgun at the ready. They climbed the ramp at the end of the trench, followed a winding chasm and found themselves overlooking an open courtyard.

Shepard dropped to a knee and pulled her sniper rifle at the sight of a geth destroyer below. Garrus followed her example.

"Kaidan," she said quietly as she peered through her scope. "Can you take care of those shock troopers at one o'clock?"

"On it," he confirmed, Sabotaging the three geth shock troopers and taking them out with his pistol as Shepard and Garrus focused on the destroyer. As soon as it was down Shepard jumped the barricade, instantly drawing fire from an elevated platform. She scrambled for cover.

Kaidan looked at the platform and saw two more shock troopers focusing their weapons on Shepard. He unleashed a Throw and sent both geth careening off of the platform, while Garrus took out the remaining troopers in the courtyard.

A short time - and a no small measure of geth - later they found an active elevator going deeper into the facility.

Garrus clicked his mandibles. "This place still has power! It must be running off its own generator."

"I bet this leads to a command center for the whole complex," Kaidan replied, looking around. "Maybe Saren's troops sealed the doors from here after he went in."

Garrus agreed. "It'll have a security lockdown."

"For sure. We'll just have to disengage it to get inside that bunker." Kaidan shrugged. He wasn't worried and he didn't know why Garrus was. Garrus was good at hacking, but he knew he was better.

Shepard turned around to them just as the elevator doors slid open. "You seem pretty confident, Alenko." There was a smile playing on her lips taking away the sting those words could have held otherwise.

He smiled back and shrugged again. "I know what I can do." A suggestive undertone slipped into his already husky voice and her smile widened.

"Spirits, can you two knock it off for five minutes! Battlefield flirting is one thing, but you guys are taking this to a whole new level." Garrus sounded more amused than annoyed as he looked from one Alliance officer to the other.

Shepard and Kaidan both blushed as they stepped off of the elevator. They advanced slowly, more hostiles showing up on their HUDs. Ahead they could make out a large chamber.

Shepard brought her sniper rifle up to her eyes and scoped out the visible part of the chamber. "I see at least two destroyers and one juggernaut."

"There's bound to be more," Garrus remarked drily.

"No kidding, Vakarian!" Shepard snorted, lowering her rifle. She moved slowly forwards. "Alenko, can you Sabotage that juggernaut?"

Kaidan hesitated, and then nodded. "If I go a little closer yet, then yes."

"Do it!" The order was spoken softly as she aimed her sniper rifle and shot. Kaidan sent out the Sabotage, successfully shorting the juggernaut's weapons.

It proved to be more difficult than they had expected, the pillars of a gallery blocking their view as more hostiles showed up on their HUDs. Shepard motioned for them to get to the high ground and they raced up to the gallery where they dove into cover behind the balustrade.

He ducked low while his amp and his omni-tool cooled down, wondering why the armatures he had seen weren't active.

"Fuck."

Kaidan cast a short look at Shepard, who had uttered the word and then glimpsed over banister.

_A geth prime._

A red dot in his HUD moved under the gallery towards the ramp leading up, followed closely by a second unit. Kaidan scooted to the side, pulling his pistol, and shot the first geth shock trooper in the head as it came in sight. The following rocket trooper ended the same way.

He returned his attention to the geth prime as Garrus Overloaded it and Shepard shot its head off. The large geth platform collapsed.

Kaidan looked at Nick. She was leaning against the balustrade, eyes closed, breathing in deeply. As if she felt his gaze she opened her eyes and returned his gaze.

"Move out," she ordered after taking another breath.

They searched the security station for a command console and found it on the upper level in what was apparently the command center of the complex. Shepard eyed the console and Kaidan expected her to ask either him or Garrus to hack it. To his surprise she stepped closer to one of the terminals in the room and activated it.

Nothing happened.

Garrus cast a glance at his omni-tool. "We should get going if we want to reach the Conduit soon. Saren has quite the head start."

Kaidan could see the disappointment in Shepard's eyes as she turned away from the console in front of her, when a flickering light floating mid-air caught his attention.

"Hold on, something's happening!" he exclaimed.

Shepard spun around on her heel, standing right in front of an obviously damaged hologram. A message started playing, but it was a language Kaidan couldn't place and he mentioned as much.

"It's probably prothean," Garrus replied. "The recording must be at least 50,000 years old."

Kaidan nodded. "Of course. No wonder we can't understand it."

"The message is all broken up," Shepard threw in quietly, her eyes closed as she obviously listened to the hologram highly concentrated. "I recognize some of the words. It's a … warning against the Reaper invasion."

"You can understand it?" both men asked, surprised.

The commander nodded.

Kaidan stepped closer. "Maybe," he began, "the Cipher on Feros transferred a basic understanding of the prothean language into your mind?" His eyes locked with hers and he saw something akin to fear flash through her blue orbs.

Garrus clicked his mandibles as the hologram continued speaking. "What's it saying? Anything useful?"

Nick had a strained expression on her face. "Something about the Citadel being ... overwhelmed, I believe, and …only hope, followed by," she closed her eyes. "An act of desperation. Umm, it mentions the Conduit." Nick opened her eyes again and looked at her squadmates."It's badly damaged, I'm only getting small tidbits. The last thing I could understand were the words 'all is lost' and 'cannot be stopped'. We should get back to the Mako and see if that gate is open now." Her voice was grim, as was the message.

They met no further resistance as they returned to the Mako. Apparently the controls had worked, for the gate to the bunker was no longer closed, but led downward into a long chasm.

Kaidan eyed the entrance apprehensively; it gave him the shivers.

"Who votes we take the Mako into the creepy underground bunker?" he asked, trying to keep his voice light.

"I do," Garrus replied, sounding about as enthusiastic as Kaidan felt.

"And so do I. The extra firepower may come in handy," Shepard responded and climbed into the waiting vehicle. The other two followed quickly and the Mako moved forward, passing through the open gate.

The roughly hewn rock was soon replaced by high, smooth walls, interrupted by horizontal protrusions. High above them were bridges connecting the walls either side. Water flowed through two shallow channels at the floor of the chasm. The tingling unease Kaidan felt grew stronger. He shifted in his seat uncomfortably, checking the read-out of the Mako's scanner as they sped through the bunker. It showed nothing.

"I'm surprised there's no trap or ambush set up. Maybe they were in too much of a hurry?" he muttered.

"Or we just haven't run into it," Garrus declared.

Kaidan let out a grunt of assent and stared out the virtual windows at the …  _things_ on the wall.

"Those things on the wall, are they some kind of container? Maybe even stasis pods?" he wondered out loud.

"Possibly," Shepard answered, casting a quick look at him. "I imagine they tried to stay alive through cryogenic freezing."

"Don't think it worked out," Garrus put in.

"Yeah," Kaidan agreed. "This bunker became their tomb."

They fell silent for a while as they went on, the only resistance being a handful of geth rocket troopers, until they saw a shining barrier in the distance. The Mako came to a halt in front of it and they disembarked, only to find a similar barrier blocking the way back as well.

Shepard swore under her breath and marched towards an elevator to the right.

Garrus looked around. "If this was an automated trap, why didn't Saren trigger it?" he mused.

"Good question," Kaidan replied.

The elevator opened to another high room filled with stasis pods, a console visible in the center. They followed the walkway downward to the terminal, and Shepard activated it. Another hologram appeared.

" _You are not prothean. But you are not machine, either. This eventuality was one of many that was anticipated. This is why we sent our warning through the beacons."_

"This looks like a VI program. It's pretty badly damaged," Kaidan stated quietly. Then he started, suddenly confused. "Wait a minute? How come I can understand you?"

" _I have been monitoring your communications since you arrived at the facility. I have translated my output into a format you can comprehend,"_  the VI explained. " _I do not sense the taint of indoctrination on you. Unlike the other that passed recently. Perhaps there is still hope. My name is Vigil. You are safe here, for the moment. But that is likely to change. Soon, nowhere will be safe."_

The Vi continued, explaining that they had to break an ancient cycle in order to defeat the Reapers. It pointed out that the Citadel, the center of galactic civilization, was in reality an enormous mass relay, " _one that links to dark space, the empty void beyond the galaxy's horizon"._

The Citadel, so Vigil claimed, was the Reapers gateway into this galaxy, maintained by the keepers.

Kaidan watched as a flicker of surprise passed over Shepard's face before her Commander-mask fell back in place. It sounded so ...outlandish. Giving himself a shake, he focused on Shepard's conversation with Vigil.

" _The one you call Saren will use the conduit to bypass Citadel defenses and Sovereign will open the relay, beginning the cycle of extinction again."_

Shepard's face darkened. "What do I need to do?"

" _Take a copy of my data file when you go and upload it to the Citadel's master control unit. It will corrupt the Citadel security protocols and give you temporary control over the station and give you a chance against Sovereign. Follow Saren. He will lead you to your destination."_

After asking for some more background information Shepard turned and looked at Kaidan. "Alenko, grab that data and let's go!"

Kaidan nodded and opened his omni-tool to copy the file.

" _The one you call Saren has not reached the Conduit. There is still hope if you hurry,"_  Vigil said as they turned to leave.

Shepard nodded curtly.

When they reached the Mako the barriers blocking the way had vanished. Shepard was just about to climb into the vehicle when Kaidan called out to her.

"Shepard?"

She stopped and faced him, letting Garrus get into the Mako first as Kaidan stepped closer to her.

"You know you don't need to do this alone, right? We're here with you," he said softly, recalling the question she had asked Vigil.

A smile crossed her face and she reached up to touch his. He closed his eyes briefly at the gesture.

"I know," she whispered, slowly pulling her hand away and getting into the Mako. Kaidan followed her, quickly climbing into his seat.

The Mako leapt forward as Shepard accelerated, driving through the bunker at a breakneck speed. She stopped briefly to give Garrus a chance to line up shots with the cannon when they met heavier resistance.

At long last they arrived at the top of a slope leading downwards, behind which they could see the now active Conduit. Shepard slowed the Mako to a halt, gazing at the geth forces assembled below them.

"Garrus," she without turning her head, "can you get a clear shot on that Colossus at two o'clock? Let's even our odds."

The turian confirmed and after a series of shots the first colossus went down. The Mako inched forward, giving Garrus opportunity to aim at the second one. It crumpled. To their dismay the light of the Conduit suddenly changed. Shepard no longer focused on evening the odds. She accelerated to full speed, dodging and weaving through enemy fire as best she could.

"It's the Mako that made the Kessel Run in less than twelve parsec," Nick said looking at him over her shoulder just before the Conduit's energy took hold of the Mako, catapulting them towards the Citadel in the blink of an eye. Kaidan heard the relief in her voice and laughed, both at the comment and at the fact they had made it on time.

They were going to stop Saren.


	32. The Battle of the Citadel

The Mako surged through the Conduit and arrived on the Citadel seconds later; bursting through the mass relay statue on the Presidium and flipping over as inertia shifted once more and the artificial gravitation of the Citadel took effect. Time froze as the Mako sailed through the air. Nick heard the blood rush through her ears and the vague sound of Garrus mumbling something under his breath. She turned her head to look at Kaidan; his eyes were wide as he held on with a white-knuckled grip.

The safety straps tightened, securing them in their seats as the Mako landed on its roof and skidded across the floor with an earsplitting grind of metal, coming to a halt against a low wall. Dangling in her harness Shepard listened to their heavy breathing filling the air. After a short pause she opened her safety harness and rolled out of her seat. She glanced at Kaidan and Garrus, and was relieved to see them doing the same.

Nick gathered her gear and checked if there was any damage to her weapons, paying special attention to her sniper rifle. With a satisfied grunt she acknowledged everything was still in order.

"Good to go?" she asked over her shoulder, one hand on the handle to open the Mako's hatch.

The two men shared a quick look.

"We're good to go," Kaidan confirmed.

With a nod Shepard turned her attention to the door and turned the handle. Nothing happened. She pushed as hard as she could, but the hatch didn't open.

"Goddammit," she groaned, running armored fingers through her hair.

Garrus and Kaidan joined her and they pushed together with all their might, tumbling to the ground as the hatch opened suddenly. They crawled out into smoke-filled air, the flashing alarms of the Mako replaced by those on the Presidium. It was hot and the acrid smell of fire was overwhelming, leaving a bitter taste on her tongue.

A quiet "Spirits!" from Garrus summed up her thoughts.

The Presidium was wrecked.

She turned towards the largest heat source only to see flames licking at the mass relay statue. No one would be using that anytime soon.

"What is this  _Kessel Run_  you were talking about, Shepard?" Garrus asked once they secured their vicinity.

The two humans laughed despite the havoc surrounding them.

"It's a movie quote," Shepard explained.

"A true classic," Kaidan went on. "Twentieth century sci-fi."

Nick looked at Garrus. "Once this is done we'll get everyone together for a movie night, but first we kick Saren's scaly ass."

Only moments later they heard ghastly moans filling the air and the scraping, shuffling sound of husks approaching.

Kaidan Threw the three monstrosities back forcefully, smashing them against the wall, limbs flailing.

"Nice job, Alenko," Shepard said. "Let's get to the Council Chambers." She gestured at the elevator.

It was ominously quiet in the elevator without the usual music or news broadcasts playing and Nick tightened her grip on her shotgun as the sounds of explosions drew closer. She swore as the elevator stopped abruptly and sparks suddenly rained down on them. With a frown she looked out through the windows and pulled on her helmet.

"Shit! I don't think this is going anywhere. Looks like we're going outside," she told them both. "Suit up!"

She aimed her shotgun at the glass walls of the elevator and shot. The glass cracked, but it didn't break.

"Step back," Kaidan said firmly.

Shepard stepped back next to Garrus and watched as he gathered his biotics. She would never cease to be fascinated by the way his biotics crackled and danced around him. The power of the Throw blasted the glass out of its holding and the backlash reverberated through the confined space of the elevator, nearly knocking them over. She braced herself against the wall before taking the lead again.

They stepped outside, their magboots securing them to the elevator's exterior while debris floated overhead. Kaidan's omnitool had the furthest range and he quickly gave her an update concerning the hostile force's location and they slowly stumped off in that direction.

Going was slow and they had to rely on their mag boots to keep them in contact with the strut. Each step in Zero-G was awkward; like wading through ankle-deep mud with the danger of floating away if you pulled too hard.

They made their way past braces and ventilation shafts into a maintenance tunnel, and a number of geth ground troops emerged from another elevator stuck in its tube. Kaidan sent an Overload into the geth, followed immediately by a damping grenade from Garrus. The tech explosion knocked two of the geth on the ground and the third ended up in Shepard's crosshairs.

They headed for the ramp at the far end of the shaft where they could see a geth dropship hovering over a plain with several inactive defense turrets.

"Alenko! Get that turret at one o'clock online. Vakarian, you take the one at nine o'clock!" she ordered, dodging incoming fire to reach the final turret.

Once the turrets were online Shepard focused on the geth forces that had been dropped topside, lobbing a grenade in the middle of a disoriented group. A flash of blue caught a geth destroyer charging at her and she risked a quick glance at Kaidan.

Her lapse of attention almost proved disastrous as two shock troopers appeared next to her. She slammed her shotgun into the first and fired at the second one, knocking it down.

Once the area was cleared of geth they continued on their way, encountering several krogan along with a geth destroyer. Kaidan managed to catch the destroyer and two krogan in a Lift and send them spiraling into space. The last krogan charged at them and barreled into Shepard, knocking her off her feet.

Winded by the hit she couldn't react quick enough to get her mag boots back on the ground and slowly she began drifting away. Dizziness and lack of gravity made her feel sick to the stomach. She caught a glimpse of the krogan, grinning as he aimed his shotgun at her, and she tasted bile rise in her throat as panic spread through her.

She was going to die here.

She saw the horror on Kaidan's face mirroring her own thoughts as she slowly revolved around her own axis trying to find something to hold on to. She was out of his reach and he couldn't catch her with his biotics as he had used them just seconds before she was been hit. He had the presence of mind to throw a Neural Shock at the krogan, stunning it for a moment while Garrus extended his arm and held his rifle out to Shepard. She grabbed hold of it, letting the turian pull her back to the ground.

"Thanks, Vakarian!" she said, her heart still hammering in her chest, almost drowning out the barking of Kaidan's pistol as he finished off the krogan. For a moment she had been certain that she was going to die. Nick sank down to the ground behind an air shaft and caught Kaidan's gaze as he kneeled down next to her.

Her comm clicked.

"You okay?" he asked softly over the private connection, amber eyes seeking blue.

"A little shaken, but other than that I'm all right," she answered with a small laugh. He ran a quick diagnostics with his omni-tool and the nodded and stood up again. They both glance at Garrus, who just smirked and turned away.

"Don't scare me like that, Nick," Kaidan went on.

"It's not like I planned it," she retorted and instantly regretted her sharp tone. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you."

Kaidan waved her apology aside. "It's okay." He looked around, stretching his hand out to her. "We should probably get moving."

She nodded and accepted his help to stand up, grasping his hand firmly before they continued on their way.

* * *

 

They raced up the stairs in the Council Chamber, fighting their way through the last geth forces between them and Saren. Shepard swore loudly at the large number of hostiles and lobbed a grenade at the nearest group.

As they ran up the final flight of steps they could see Saren in front of an active console. As soon as the rogue turian spectre became aware of them he stepped off the precipice. Shepard, Kaidan and Garrus skidded to a halt, keeping their firearms trained on the spot where Saren had disappeared.

A humming sound filled the air and the turian rose up from the lower level on the small hovering platform he had used on Virmire. He tossed a grenade at them and they scattered, diving into shelter. To Shepard's surprise no further attack followed.

"I was afraid you wouldn't make it in time," Saren sneered.

"Sorry, but there were a number of geth in my way that didn't get the memo about our meeting. And I asked them so nicely to stay out of my way," she called in return, annoyed at the smug sound in Saren's voice.

"Your sarcasm just shows your fear," Saren taunted. "I think we both expected to meet again for a final confrontation. You've lost, you know that. In a few minutes Sovereign will have control of all of the Citadel's systems and the Reapers will return!" His voice rose with confidence.

"Not this time," Shepard countered through gritted teeth.

Saren laughed, a cold, hollow sound. "You survived or encounter on Virmire through sheer luck. But now I am even stronger. I have been … improved. Sovereign upgraded me!"

_Improved … upgraded._

Shepard shuddered at the implications. "You let Sovereign implant you? Are you fucking insane? Not that it's going to help you any. You're still dead."

Saren ignored her interruption and continued. "I should thank you, Shepard. I couldn't stop thinking about what you told me on Virmire about Sovereign manipulating me. About indoctrination. Sovereign sensed my doubts. I was implanted to strengthen my resolve! I have no more doubts. The Reapers need organics, you must understand that. Join us and Sovereign will find a place for you, too."

"That's fucking bullshit! The Reapers don't need organics. We're nothing but slaves to them and you've gone and collared yourself. Your implants are your leash. You just have as much freedom as Sovereign lets you have! It's an illusion," Shepard called back.

The rogue spectre hesitated slightly before he answered. "The relationship is symbiotic. Organic and machine intertwined; a union of flesh and steel. The strength of both and the weakness of neither! I am a vision of the future, Shepard. The evolution of all organic life. It is our destiny. Join Sovereign and experience a true rebirth!"

"You've been fooled, Saren. Sovereign will betray you. Once you are of no use to him you will be as mindless as a husk! I can stop the invasion. Step aside and let me take control of the Citadel."

"We can't stop it!" Saren shot back. "Not forever. You saw the visions. You saw what happened to the Protheans. The Reapers are too powerful!"

"That's what they want you to believe! Some part of you has to realize this. But you gave up instead of fighting back." Shepard took a deep breath and put all conviction she could muster into her voice. "Fight back now. You can still do it."

There was a brief silence. Shepard glanced around the corner of the half-wall she had taken cover behind and saw a range of emotions flicker on the turian's face; doubt, confusion and hesitation.

"Perhaps you are right," Saren said slowly. "Maybe there still is a chance for - " He made a strangled sound. "The implants … Sovereign is too strong. I can't … I'm sorry."

Shepard stood up, sensing a chance to convince him.

"No, it's never too late! Don't give up! You're a turian spectre, you don't give up! You can still redeem yourself."

They stared at each other. Saren dipped his head. When he lifted it there was a gleam of determination in his eyes. "Goodbye, Shepard. Thank you."

He held his pistol under his chin and fired.

They watched as the turian fell through the glass floor several meters below, breaking it and landing on the lower level with a loud thud.

Shepard ran toward the console, followed by Kaidan and Garrus. She held out her hand to Kaidan for the disk they had received from Vigil and inserted it into the slot on the control panel. Moments later she had control of the Citadel and opened a communications channel to hear a distress call by the Destiny Ascension..

" _...the Destiny Ascension. Main drives are offline. Kinetic barriers at 40%. The Council is on board. I repeat, the Council is on board._ "

Shepard was about to answer the call when another voice came in over the radio.

" _Normandy to the Citadel, Normandy to the Citadel. Please tell me that's you Commander!"_  Joker called.

"It's me or were you expecting someone else? My evil clone, maybe?" Nick responded with a grin as tension fell from her.

" _We caught that distress call, Commander. I'm sitting here in the Andura sector with the entire Arcturus fleet_  - ," her helmsman informed her.

"I'm opening the relays," Shepard replied, punching in the command. Now the Alliance fleet could join the battle, but that was not her immediate problem. She waited for a moment until she heard Admiral Hackett order the fleet to protect the Council and then turned to face her shore team. "Let's go and check if that bastard is dead."

"That's a pretty daring order," Garrus remarked quietly. "A lot of humans might die."

"True," she heard Kaidan answer as they searched for the best way to the lower chamber. "But I think this might be bigger than just humanity."

Garrus obviously didn't agree. "That's why the admiral shouldn't waste reinforcements saving the Council. It would make more sense to hold them back until the Citadel arms are open and have them attack Sovereign."

Shepard cast a glance over her shoulder. "There are up and downs to both solutions. And I'm sure the admiral has run through both scenarios in his head while they were waiting for us to get to Citadel control."

They jumped off a precipice onto the artificial grass and walked gingerly towards Saren's lifeless body.

A rumbling sound filled the air, far off at first, but quickly coming closer. It droned in Nick's ears, accompanied by bursts of energy, bathing the chamber in reddish light, as the ground shook as though experiencing an earthquake. Nick stumbled and tried to find secure footing again as her eyes searched for a source. The energy bursts ran along the walls, danced over the decorative rocks on the lawn, and converged on Saren's corpse.

Her eyes widened in disbelief as she watched Saren's body levitate in midair while this  _energy_  ran along lifeless limbs. It seemed to coil tightly around the dead turian only to detonate, sending her flying against one of the pillars. The impact knocked the wind out of her for a seconds, her vision blacking out momentarily. She gasped for air and as her surrounding grew clear again she saw that the flesh had melted from Saren's limbs; no, not only limbs. She had a clear view of the Reaper technology he had been 'upgraded' with as she could see right through his ribcage.

To Shepard's surprise the reaperfied Saren leaped to the side and clung to the wall like a geth crawler. For a moment she stood there transfixed, until her reflexes made her dodge the energy beam he shot at her.

The smell of burned flesh lingered in the air; sickeningly sweet and acrid at the same time. Her tongue felt like a foreign object in her mouth sticking to the top of her gums. Her senses reeled as her mind took her back to Akuze.

…  _rolling out of the way as a jet of acid maw shot her way. Her sergeant was not so lucky; it hit him square in the face; his scream dying as the acid ate its way through his flesh, filling the air with a repulsive stench ..._

Shepard clenched her eyes shut at the memory; frozen, unable to move as she huddled behind a rock for cover. Her nose filled with the pungent smell from Saren, enhanced by the olfactory memory of the stench of maw acid dissolving flesh in mere moments.

The rattling of Garrus' assault rifle and the slower barks of Kaidan's pistol brought her back to reality with a start. She broke cover, her shotgun at the ready, and fired at the former turian.

A flash of biotic energy surged past her at Saren, but the undead Spectre evaded it.

Kaidan didn't miss a target very often, but Saren moved  _fast_. No living creature should be that quick.

They covered Saren in a hail of rounds, shooting until weapons almost overheated. Another wave of blue shot at the rogue Spectre and this time it hit. Kaidan immediately followed the Warp up with an Overload, catching Saren in an explosion, but still the turian crawled on, always heading for Shepard.

Shepard fired her shotgun one last time when finally,  _finally_ , he did not move anymore. Warily, she stepped closer and flinched when Saren's remains crumbled into ash. She looked up at Kaidan and Garrus and cleared her throat. "I think we're done here."

They climbed back up into the Council chamber over the gangway that had collapsed. It was the perfect ramp to get back into the chamber without having to climb as the only other way out of the lower room was blocked. The sound of the battle raging outside grew louder again up top as they heard blasts impacting on the station and the rumble of more fighting on the Presidium.

A series of explosions around the Citadel caught Shepard's attention and she turned to face the large windows. A large amount of debris floated through the space outside and just as she started to turn away a large chunk caught her attention. It whirled towards them at an alarmingly fast rate. Her eyes widened at the realization that it was going to crash through the Council chamber windows.

"GO!" she hollered at Kaidan and Garrus, who were standing at the bottom of the stairs talking. They faced her in surprise and before they as much as moved she heard the cracking of glass behind her. She saw a flash of wide-eyed horror showing on their faces and the next thing she saw was the floor reeling towards her at great speed and everything blacked out.

* * *

Kaidan groaned as he shifted against the weight on his lower body, small pieces of debris falling off of him. He pushed himself up and coughed as dust and smoke filled his nose and mouth, leaving a sooty, mineral flavor on his tongue.

"Nick," he whispered roughly as his eyes adjusted to the desolation surrounding him. Clouds of smoke drifted through the air and the Council chamber was lit by the wavering light of several fires. His gaze focused on the Reaper fragment blocking the last flight of stairs to the balcony on which Shepard had stood and his heart faltered.

He shuddered as he remembered that Reaper fragment hurdling towards her and then everything collapsing around them. His eyes fell on Garrus lying a few meters away from him. Kaidan struggled to his feet, ignoring the sharp pain that seared through his right knee, and stumbled towards his friend. "Garrus? Garrus, can you hear me?"

He activated his omnitool and began scanning the turian for injuries, always listening for a sound of Shepard.

There was nothing.

Garrus stirred and open his eyes, looking confused for a moment. The turian rose slowly to his feet, turning his head slowly from one side to the other and then looking at Kaidan. "Where's Shepard?"

Kaidan opened his mouth to answer, but the words wouldn't come out. His throat constricted and he felt he would choke if he said them out loud. He closed his mouth again and shook his head, turning away from his friend to scan the area once more, hoping to pick up the signal from her hardsuit.

A talon clasped his shoulder carefully and he turned his head just a fraction.

"Maybe her transmitter was knocked out," Garrus suggested, but Kaidan heard the quiver in his voice.

He swallowed and nodded slowly. "Yeah."

The sound voices and of debris being moved behind them caught Kaidan's attention. He turned his head towards the source and found himself face to face with Anderson, another Alliance soldier, and some C-Sec officers. He straightened up to salute, but the captain dismissed it with a wave of his hand as he scanned the area.

Kaidan watched Anderson grimace when he realized it was only Garrus and him, the disappointment in his superior officer's eyes evident at not finding Shepard with them.

"Lieutenant," Anderson asked after a short moment, "Where's the Commander? Where is Shepard?"

Neither Kaidan nor Garrus answered directly. Instead they gazed at the part of Sovereign that had crashed into the chamber. When Kaidan returned his eyes to the captain he saw the older man staring towards the gallery with a crestfallen expression. The captain cast his eyes toward the ground briefly and shook his head as he turned towards the exit.

They had gone maybe three steps when the sound of running boots reached their ears. Kaidan stopped dead in his tracks and looked back, not daring to hope. There it was again. And a shadow leaping over something. He and Garrus glanced at each other, turning around fully and taking a careful step.

His heart thudded in his chest as Shepard appeared, climbing over the detached limb of Sovereign lying in her path. Strands of hair had come loose from her regulation bun and blood was dripping from a gash on her cheek, but in his eyes she was beautiful. His face split slowly into his typical lopsided smile and his eyes met hers as she walked towards them with a limp, grinning widely.

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

  
  
  
  



	33. Shore Leave

Smoke and dust whirled around Shepard, burning her lungs and scratching her throat as she opened her eyes. Her ears were still ringing faintly, and for a moment she lay on the floor, disorientated. Gingerly she rose to her feet, wincing as pain jolted through her arm as she pushed herself off the ground. Slowly the lingering sound of the explosion faded and was replaced by silence.

Nick listened closely.

All of the sounds she could hear came from outside of the Council chamber, but within it was quiet.

Too quiet.

_How long had she lain there? Were Kaidan and Garrus hurt? Or worse, dead?_

Fear gripped her tightly and, gritting her teeth, she began looking for a way to the lower part of the chamber; clambering over glass shards and Reaper fragments strewn in her path. Every step ached, but the sound of voices ahead grabbed her attention and she increased her speed, wondering if her mind was playing a trick on her.

Maybe the impact had messed up her sense of hearing?

As she neared a chunk of reaper, Nick spied several men standing at the bottom of the steps - apparently talking to others through a gap in the rubble. Her heart leapt to her mouth as she passed the large Reaper fragment, not daring to hope for the best when the back of Garrus' head came into her view. Relief spread through her when he shifted a little and she saw Kaidan next to him talking to Anderson. Kaidan was sweeping the area with his gaze.

Nick walked slowly through the rubble towards the waiting men. Her gaze fell on Kaidan's face and she saw relief flash through in his eyes. The corner of his mouth tilted slightly upwards in that half-smirk she adored and she couldn't help but grin back. A feeling of elation spread through her and, in her relief, she was tempted to kiss him senseless as their eyes stayed locked.

"Shepard, it is good to see you in one piece," the Captain unknowingly broke their short moment. He sounded more than relieved. "Are you injured?"

"Just scrapes," she answered, touching her cheek and keeping her eyes on Kaidan a little longer before she slowly shifted her gaze to their superior officer. "Well, mostly scrapes. Nothing too serious."

The captain gave her a once over, then glanced at her ground team, his expression unreadable. "Well, I think you'd better let someone check that gash and any other injuries, then we can talk more. The doctor isn't too far."

The sound of a pouch being opened caught her attention. Nick turned and found herself face to face with Kaidan, antiseptic and medigel in his hand, clearly in full medic mode. The corner of her mouth twitched as she tilted her head back a fraction while he cleaned the wound and gently applied medigel before they followed Anderson. She closed her eyes briefly at the touch of his fingers on her skin, tender and caring. Sighing softly, Nick leaned into his touch and her gaze locked with Kaidan's, desperately wishing she could get him alone just for two minutes to steal a kiss.

* * *

Nearly three weeks later, Nick woke to the sound of wind rustling through the trees outside the Alenko family cabin where she was spending the last week of shore leave with Kaidan. She opened her eyes a crack and saw snow whirling through the air outside. They had arrived at the cabin late the previous evening and had done nothing more than turn on the heat and snuggle together in front of the fireplace before moving on to bed. With a contented sigh she snuggled closer to to warm, firm body behind her and let her mind wander.

After Anderson and his search and rescue party had found them, they had spent several hours in the infirmary before being released. They had all come out of the battle only with minor injuries; Kaidan's sprained ligament in his knee and Garrus' cracked rib being the worst.

They had been lucky.

The days following the Battle of the Citadel were filled with meetings. And meetings. And _more_ meetings. With the brass, with the Council, with the press. Her crew were dragged in to testify more than once in front of an Alliance tribunal, and Nick had been certain she would be prosecuted for mutiny. She didn't know what surprised her more - that they came out of it with nothing more than a reprimand or that she ended up getting another Star of Terra for just being stubborn.

To top things off, they had been invited to attend a charity ball hosted both by the Council and the Alliance. Even though she hated wearing dinner dress, the memory of that evening brought a smile to her face.

_She stood in front of the buffet, turning the almost empty wine glass in her hands, the buzz of conversations swirling meaninglessly around her; she had eyes for only one person._

_With a carefully neutral expression she watched Kaidan and Ashley dance together, laughing. He looked extremely handsome in his dress uniform, but Nick was certain that man could wear anything and look incredibly handsome. And Ashley just had the right figure for the skirted dress uniform. Nick glanced at her reflection in the mirror and grimaced, feeling highly uncomfortable in her own dinner dress, and she flicked an imaginary speck of dust off her sleeve._

_With a small sigh Nick returned to her table and tried to pay attention to the conversation between Anderson and Hackett while her mind kept drifting off to the marine on the dance floor. She had just made up her mind to go and look for Garrus and the other aliens of her crew when a delicious husky voice sounded behind her._

" _Commander, may I have the next dance?"_

_Nick avoided looking at her senior officers as she turned around to face her lieutenant. Amber eyes glinted in the dazzling light, a small smile on his face._

" _Lieutenant Alenko, I didn't know you were such an enthusiastic dancer," she remarked with a smile of her own, accepting his hand without another thought and not bothering to think that Anderson and Hackett both knew her well enough to remember she hardly ever danced. So far_ he _had danced with Ashley, Liara and Tali. Maybe Kaidan figured it wouldn't be considered inappropriate now to ask his CO for a dance after that display?_

_Kaidan laughed as he lead her away from the table. "I'm not. But I figure time will pass faster this way than standing off to the side waiting for it to be over."_

_She faltered as they reached the dancing area. "Kaidan, I'm a horrible dancer."_

_He stopped and looked at Nick before pulling her gently onto the hardwood floor, placing his right hand lightly on her back. "Just follow my lead."_

_The warmth of his hand on her back seeped through her uniform, and the sound of his voice, low and husky, sent a shiver of delight down her spine as they held each other close. She hardly paid attention to the music or the other couples, they melded into a colorful blur as she breathed in Kaidan's familiar smell of spicy aftershave mixed with a hint of ozone. Her mouth went dry as she caught his gaze, dark and hungry, and her tongue suddenly stuck to the roof of her mouth._

_They had to get out of here, before she grabbed him and kissed him senseless in front of all these people ..._

Nick took a deep breath and rolled to face Kaidan, who slept soundly beside her. She propped herself up on one elbow and raked her eyes along his form appreciatively while her thoughts lingered on their dance and what followed, her body responding to the memory. It appeared having to wear a skirted uniform could have advantages after all.

He lay on his back, breathing slowly and deeply. Her eyes paused at the broad expanse of his shoulders before wandering down to his chest. She caught her bottom lip between her teeth as her gaze traveled along the thin line of hair leading further down to other parts currently covered by the duvet. Nick reached out and ran her fingertips lightly through his chest hair, then placed soft kisses along his sternum and inhaled his biotic scent of ozone..

Kaidan stirred, rolling onto his side and draping one arm over her loosely. She grinned into the crook of his neck and ran the tip of her tongue up the column of his throat to his jaw, eliciting a low grumble from him as he tightened his hold around her. She peppered his jawline with kisses, working her way slowly to his lips, but his eyes remained stubbornly shut and his breaths even.

She slid one leg along his thigh and hooked it over his hips, pressing herself against him. A flicker of blue ran over his body, accompanied by another throaty rumble as she captured his lips for a kiss.

Nick wondered if he was aware that his biotics responded to her touch while he was asleep.

Or how arousing she found it.

She kissed him again, teasing his bottom lip with her tongue before slipping it into his mouth when his lips parted. He finally answered by kissing her back and sliding his hands down her body to her ass as his tongue slid lazily over hers, tasting of stale beer and mint tooth paste.

Kaidan rolled on his back, pulling her with him so that she straddled him without breaking the intimacy of the kiss. Their tongues danced around each other, and his growing erection was impossible for her to miss and she grinned against his mouth.

Wetness gathered between her legs as she ground herself against him, rubbing along his length. She moaned with pleasure at the sensation; it was enough to bring her close to her peak already. Nick straightened up as Kaidan cupped her breasts, kneading them softly before flicking his tongue over a pebbled bud and grazing his teeth against it. Her breath hitched and she positioned her entrance just over the tip of his cock, feeling the need to have him in her as he turned his attention to her other breast.

Her tongue darted out to wet her own lips as she slowly lowered herself onto him. His hands drifted downward, and, clasping her hips firmly, Kaidan looked at her with a hooded gaze as he guided her. Eyes dark with desire, lips parted, and breathing hard. Her eyelids fluttered as he moved his hips upward to meet her, stretching and filling her; and a small gasp escaped Nick when he was fully sheathed in her.

She kept her eyes on his face and began to move slowly. The warm feeling in her stomach tightened deliciously as she slid along his length, and Nick increased her pace. Kaidan wound a hand into her hair and pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss.

The room was silent except for the creak of the bed and soft sound of their gasps filling the air as Nick rode him, pinning his hands over his head, rolling and swaying her hips. She watched through heavy-lidded eyes as Kaidan screwed up his face in concentration, trying to hold out, but the shudder that ran through his body told her it was a losing battle and he came with a quiet grunt.

Nick wasn't far behind, her body tightening with pleasure as her climax neared. She wove her fingers with his, gripping tightly. Warmth spread through her, and she tensed as her breathing grew more erratic as she struggled to maintain the pace she had set. Her orgasm washed over her in waves and she cried out in ecstasy, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him again.

"Morning, Beautiful," Kaidan whispered against her lips after she broke the kiss, his voice rough with sleep. "You know, I'm getting kind of used to being woken like this in the mornings."

Nick smiled. "It's going to be like going cold turkey once we're back on the Normandy."

An amused snort was the reply. "Not exactly the comparison I'd have chosen, but … yeah."

Both lapsed into momentary silence and she closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of Kaidan's hand moving up and down her back slowly. Ever since the battle of the Citadel they'd spent as much time together as possible. Now they had a week before they had to return to duty - and to following regulations.

Nick was determined to make good use of their alone-time.

"So, what do we have planned for today? Other than christening every room?" Nick waggled her eyebrows suggestively as she slid next to him.

"First off, there aren't that many rooms. And secondly, we have all week. But," Kaidan glanced out of the window at the steady snowfall, "I think we'll have to brave the snow and head to town either today or tomorrow. I have no idea what's in the pantry, but it can't be much. Maybe some canned food. So, we could walk down into town and do some shopping or we could go for a hike."

They snuggled together and watched the snow fall in thick, white flakes.

"How far is town?" Nick asked lazily, gazing out the window.

"Not far," Kaidan paused. "Three klicks, maybe. Four at most."

She turned her head to look at him. "And you want me to _walk_ there? We have a skycar sitting here, you know."

"You're a marine. Suck it up, _Commander_ ," Kaidan replied with a grin.

"I'm on shore leave, _Lieutenant_ , that means I don't do more than absolutely necessary!" Nick cast a mock glare over her shoulder at him.

"Oh? I sure am glad you consider morning sex necessary."

"Consider it a morning drill. I had to check if every member of this company was ready for duty." She wiggled her ass against him suggestively.

Kaidan raised an eyebrow. "Please tell me you meant that in a purely military meaning."

Nick turned in his arms, her lips brushing his. "What do you think?"

Kaidan smirked and trailed kisses down her neck. "With all due respect, _Commander_ , I'd rather not say."

"I could order you to, _Lieutenant_ ," she groaned as his lips brushed across her collarbone. She ran her hand through his hair, drifting lightly over his implant, momentarily forgetting the fact that they had wanted to get up.

Some time later the snowfall had ceased and they hiked through the quiet woods surrounding the cabin, snow crunching under their boots as they made their way higher into the mountains. The path took a bend and the view opened to a valley before them. Nick stopped, her gaze roaming over the valley in front and the mountains surrounding them, glistening as the sun reflected of the snow-covered peaks.

It was breathtaking.

"Reminds me of Noveria, only less harsh," Nick remarked.

Kaidan stepped next to her, raising an eyebrow skeptically.

"I don't think you can compare the two," he replied.

Nick shook her head slowly. "No, probably not. But I could imagine views like this being possible on Noveria when there isn't a snowstorm happening. And luckily the temps here are much, much more comfortable."

He chuckled warmly. "Yeah. I don't think a picnic is possible at anytime of the year on Noveria unless you're wearing Devlon Industries armor."

"That wouldn't be very romantic," she returned, smiling at Kaidan, her eyes sparkling.

"What? You don't think you'd look sexy sporting the yellow and black Survivor armor? Or the Liberator armor?" He deadpanned, looking at her with a serious expression. "You might spark a new fashion trend."

"You just be careful, otherwise you'll find yourself equipped with one of those the next time we head out to a planet with an environmental hazard warning," Nick warned teasingly.

"Of course, _Commander_ ," Kaidan answered, his voice laced with innuendo as he pulled her close. "Personally, I think the Explorer armor might suit you best."

"Shut up, Alenko," she laughed. "Or I'll punish you for insubordination."

He winked before pulling her back towards the path. "Speaking of picnics, we have a bit to go yet before we reach the spot I have in mind."

They continued along the narrow path which grew steeper and more difficult to follow the higher they climbed. At last Kaidan veered away from the path until came to a flat peak granting an even more impressive view than before.

"Have you been here often?" she asked as she turned around, sweeping her gaze over the scenery.

Kaidan spread a picnic blanket over the rock and nodded. "I generally go up here at least once when I'm at the cabin. It's really nice during the summer too, but I prefer it during winter. I always came up here when we were at the cabin with the family and I needed some space." He began unpacking the food they'd taken along. Nick sat down and he glanced over to her. "Do you have any place that you spent a lot of time at during family vacations to unwind?"

Nick took a sandwich and slowly unwrapped it. "No. Not really. We … never really did many family vacations. Half the time I spent my vacations at my grandparents because it seemed like my parents never had leave at the same time. I mean, I lived with my grandparents all through grade school." She chewed on her lip for a moment. "My parents always tried to get some shore leave together during summer vacation, but more often than not at least one of them ended up being on a cruise. We'd often go to the U.P. for a week; rent a cabin on one of the lakes and either go to Lake Superior or Lake Michigan for a day." She paused and bit into her sandwich.

Kaidan remained silent, waiting for her to chew and swallow. He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear that the wind kept blowing into her face. Her eyes darted over to him and she knew he was comparing it to his childhood before he was hauled off to BAaT. His brow was furrowed and Nick smiled reassuringly as their eyes met.

"I'm not complaining, Kaidan," she told him. "I may not have seen much of my parents during my grade school years, but I think I had a pretty awesome childhood. Before I had to go to school my mom took me along whenever she went on cruises. There were never a lot of kids aboard, but those of us that were got taught the nastiest hand-to-hand combat tricks by the marines aboard, and we played hide and seek in the shuttle bay of an Alliance cruiser. Once I even hid near the drive core and no one could find me." She laughed. "Okay, I got chewed out for that one, but all in all I had a pretty exciting childhood."

The wind picked up and Nick gratefully accepted the blanket Kaidan procured from his pack. She leaned against him and shuddered lightly when he wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on her head.

"Yeah," he responded softly. "I can see where that might be exciting."

Nick turned her head to look at him. Their eyes met and she knew there was nowhere else she would rather be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took so long and I hope you're not too disappointed!


	34. Quality Time

The next morning Nick rummaged through the cabinets in the kitchen searching for something edible while Kaidan was in the shower. It looked like he was right: They'd have to venture into town today to stock up on food, because stock at the cabin was running low. Apparently they'd used up most of what had been at the cabin yet for their picnic the previous day and for dinner.

There was plenty of coffee yet, so Kaidan would be happy. But not much of anything else.

Cursing under her breath she climbed onto the counter in order to reach the top shelf of the wall unit and found flour, sugar and baking powder. Well, if she found oil and vinegar she could at least bake a quick cake.

Cake sounded _good_.

"Kaidan?" she called as she opened the next cabinet, hoping he was out of the shower and would hear her. "Where in this bloody kitchen can I find oil and vinegar?"

She jumped down to the floor and froze when she suddenly heard the front door open and several people come in. Nick glanced down at the clothes she was wearing, wishing she'd dressed properly and not just donned Kaidan's hockey jersey. A good thing his jersey went well past mid-thigh on her.

"Who are you? And what are you doing in our kitchen?" a female voice asked in surprise from the door and Nick looked up to see a dark-haired woman with amber eyes. Nick's brain kickstarted. This had to be Kaidan's sister. He obviously hadn't told his family he wasn't at the cabin alone.

_I'm going to kill him._

A man appeared in the doorway and Nick knew without a doubt this had to be Kaidan's father, even if his father was taller in build and had a much sterner expression. The heat of embarrassment crept up from her collar under the critical eye of ex-Alliance Major Adam Alenko.

She cleared her throat. "I'll, uh, get Kaidan. Just a minute." Nick walked past them with all the dignity she could muster, stopping at the bottom step of the staircase. "KAIDAN!" she hollered, "we have company!"

A few seconds later the man in question came out of the bathroom, pulling a t-shirt over his head. He stopped short at the top of the steps and slowly walked down..

"Dad? Erin? Uh … hi. What are you doing here?" He sounded astonished and craned his neck to look past them at the open front door. "Is mom here, too?"

"Your mother is outside. I'm surprised to see you here already, Kaidan. You could've sent a message. Your mother wanted to stock the pantry. You know how she is," his father answered stiltedly, his eyes flicking between his son and the scantily dressed woman next to him. An odd expression moved through his eyes; as though she seemed familiar and he was trying to place her.

Nick moved behind Kaidan.

"I did send you a message about when I was going to be here," Kaidan replied. "And thanks, but it really wasn't necessary. I think we're capable of buying our own food."

"I should go." Nick turned and fled up to their room, leaving Kaidan behind in an awkward silence. She listened with one ear as Kaidan's father asked the question she had known was burning on his tongue before she closed the door.

This was _not_ how she had expected to meet any of Kaidan's family. Truth be told, she hadn't expected meeting them at all yet.

When she returned downstairs fully dressed she found they had moved to the kitchen and were unpacking boxes of goods. Good grief. It looked like Mrs. Alenko feared they might starve, even considering the higher calorie intake Kaidan needed. Nick walked over to him and whispered in his ear. "I'm going to kill you, Alenko. I nearly died of embarrassment."

"Why?" he murmured back and smirked. "You should be grateful they didn't walk in half an hour earlier." She swatted him playfully. Kaidan glanced over his shoulder at his father and then leaned closer to Nick. "I probably should've expected a visit. They usually drop by once while I'm at the cabin. We shouldn't mention you're my CO, though."

Nick nodded in agreement and steeled herself. She could do this; she'd faced worse.

* * *

The weather turned colder and let the ice cover on the lake grow thick. One day Kaidan came back in from outside grinning like the Cheshire cat while Nick was still busy pulling on thick winter boots. He opened a closet and dropped a pair of ice skates into Nick's hands shortly after.

"These should fit you," he told her over his shoulder as he returned to the closet.

Nick stared at the skates. "Kaidan, I haven't stood on skates since I was like ... fourteen? And I'm worse at skating than I am dancing."

She heard a mumbled response that sounded suspiciously like, "I find that hard to believe."

"What did you say, Alenko?" Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

Kaidan closed the closet, holding a pair of well worn skates in his hand.

"I said I find that hard to believe," he replied with a smile. He placed a quick kiss on the tip of her nose and continued before she had a chance to answer. "You'll do fine on the ice."

To her utter horror he grabbed two hockey sticks, stuffed a few pucks in his pockets and headed for the door.

Nick glared at him, still holding the skates in her hand and not moving. "You can't be serious."

Something in her voice gave him pause. Kaidan placed the hockey sticks next to the door and came walking back to her, a small frown on his face. "I thought you'd enjoy it. We can just go for another hike, if that's what you prefer."

It's what they had done the past three days, hiking through the woods around the cabin, the previous day they had even put on snowshoes. And while it had been wonderful a change might be nice.

Nick swore at herself, seeing disappointment briefly flash in his eyes. "No, I - , let's do this."

He studied her face for a long moment. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she answered with a curt nod.

Kaidan stepped closer. "I won't laugh and I promise I'll kiss every bruise you get from falling on the ice later on," he whispered, looking at her intensely. Nick caught her lip between her teeth and nodded, not able to pull away from his gaze. He kissed her softly on her mouth and pulled away again, leading her outside and grabbing one of the hockey sticks on the way.

"Let me guess, you've been checking if the ice was thick enough ever since we got here," she asked quietly.

"Of course! I was beginning to worry we wouldn't get around to it," he admitted as they walked slowly towards the frozen pond. "It's one reason I love being here in the winter." Her heart nearly burst at the boyish gleam of pure joy and excitement in his eyes.

"Skating on a pond is different from skating at a rink," Kaidan told her as he finished lacing up his skates and stepped onto the frozen surface, his breath condensing instantly in the cold air. He waited for her, taking her hand as soon as she stepped on the ice as well.

Nick tightened her grip on his hand, wobbling.

"Relax." Kaidan's voice was deep and soothing and she took a deep breath. He gave her hand a squeeze. "Do you want to try it yourself or do you want to hold on to me?"

She let out a short laugh. "I'll try it myself. I've just never worn hockey skates before. It feel so … different from what I remember."

Kaidan nodded and let go of her hand, but didn't stray from her side, always alert to steady her if she stumbled. After a few tentative steps Nick relaxed as muscle memory took over and she found both her balance on the skates and a good stride. She reached out to Kaidan with a smile. His hand grasped hers, light but firm, as they slid over the ice. They kept a comfortable silence; there was no need to speak and the scratching of their skates over the ice was the only sound that filled the air.

After skating together for a while she gave him a small push and winked. "Go on and get that hockey goal you've been glancing at the past few minutes! I know I'm skating too slow for you and I don't want you to have taken the stick and those pucks along for nothing!"

Nearly an hour later Nick felt her muscles burn; she would be sore the next day. Slowly she skated to the edge of the ice, rubbing her thighs and sat down on a log with the intention of just watching Kaidan for a few minutes. Though truthfully, she wouldn't mind watching him for hours.

Not much later he collected everything and skated towards her with an expression of disbelief on his face, holding out his hand.

"I was just taking a short break," she defended herself weakly.

A short explosive laugh was Kaidan's only answer as he pulled her to her feet and back onto the ice. Momentum carried her into his arms and he slowly skated backwards, encircling her waist with his arms. His eyes gleamed brightly as her arms slid around his neck and they moved slowly across the ice, holding each other close.

Once they returned to the cabin Kaidan lit the fireplace and disappeared into the kitchen, returning minutes later with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate. The fire crackled merrily as they snuggled together, sipping their beverages, hands gently roaming over the other's body, slipping under the clothing to feel skin. Slow, languid kisses grew more insistent as clothes were discarded, laying bare more places to be kissed.

And Kaidan kissed her _everywhere_.

* * *

A week later Nick marched onto the Normandy with look on her face that could have curdled milk. She hadn't been in a bad mood when they had docked at the Citadel earlier that day, but it obvious that whatever the Council had told her pissed her off, badly. Kaidan carefully turned his head to look at her as she stepped into the helm.

It had felt strange returning to duty on the Normandy on Arcturus two days previous and not being able to kiss Nick good morning. He was certain she felt the same; he'd seen the same hunger flash through her eyes. The first night in his sleeper pod hadn't been easy either, but they had agreed before that they would spend the first few nights in their respective bunks.

"Joker, get us out of here and set course for the Terminus systems," she ordered in an icy tone.

"Aye, aye, Commander!" the helmsman responded after trading a quick look with Kaidan.

Shepard turned on her heel, her eyes lingering on Kaidan for a brief moment. He raised an eyebrow questioningly. She shook her head and made the slightest nod towards the CIC.

Kaidan returned his gaze to the board in front of him while he listened to the thud of her boots on the grating as she left.

"Terminus systems, huh?" Joker asked as the docking clamps disengaged and the Normandy drifted backwards. Kaidan's mouth twitched. He knew this was just a set-up to get to the questions that really burned on the helmsman's mind.

"So it would seem," Kaidan answered, not taking his eyes off his console. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Joker turning around to him, but before the other man could say anything the ship wide comm clicked.

" _Attention all stations_ , _this is the Commander speaking. Vessels have been disappearing in the Terminus systems. The Council and the Brass suspect the geth behind the attacks. Our orders are to seek and destroy any remaining geth outposts. That is all. Shepard out_."

That explained Shepard's bad mood. Kaidan couldn't help but wrinkle his forehead; the order made no sense. First of all, there were _always_ reports of ships vanishing in the Terminus systems and secondly the geth weren't behind the attack on the Citadel, but only henchmen. Why weren't they ordered to find more Prothean artifacts and find out more about the Reapers?

"That's weird," Joker commented quietly, unknowingly voicing Kaidan's thoughts as he maneouvered the Normandy away from the Citadel. "There are always ships disappearing in the Terminus systems." He shrugged his shoulders and then looked at Kaidan with a sly glint in his eyes. "Sooo," the pilot drawled. "You never answered my question yesterday. How was your shore leave?"

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "My shore leave was fine, thanks for asking." He glanced over at the smirking helmsman. "What?"

"Well, where did you go?"

"I spent some time at our family cabin on the Gold Coast. You know, hiking, snowshoeing, skating, stuff like that," Kaidan replied, tossing a few tidbits of information at Joker.

"But you weren't alone, were you? I'm thinking you and She- "

" _Moreau_." There was a warning growl in Kaidan's voice that made Joker look at his friend.

The pilot held up his hands. "Alright, alright! No need to get squeamish. I still say you weren't alone on shore leave!"

"You are the nosiest friend ever," Kaidan muttered under his breath.

"Hey, I think Williams is worse than I am! Her and I spent last evening discussing this topic. I'm surprised she hasn't grilled you yet," Joker grinned.

_Me too._

Kaidan took a deep breath. "As your friend, I'm going to ask you _once_. Please stop talking about my personal life while we're on duty or around other servicemen." He gave his friend a somewhat frosty stare.

" _Fine_. I'll drop it for now. Unless we're sitting down in the mess and nobody else is around except for Ash or Liara or Shepard," the snarky pilot gave in.

"Good." Kaidan narrowed his eyes as he watched the temperature readings for the heat sinks on his terminal while Joker began the relay approach. The starboard heat sink was warming up faster than he liked, but the rate was within set parameters. Other than that everything seemed in order.

He typed a short message and sent it to CHENG Adams. If necessary he would go down to Engineering and help out once they had cleared the relay. Or maybe he'd just go down to have a chat with him face to face. It was something like a safe spot if he didn't want to be pestered by Ashley, because unless they were talking weapon optimization Ash quickly got bored by tech talk.

He grinned to himself for a short moment, but the smile faded almost as quickly as it had appeared.

A number of things had changed, and Kaidan wasn't just thinking of the fact that he was fraternizing with his commanding officer. Tali was no longer there, as she had returned to the Migrant Fleet to end her Pilgrimage, Garrus had gone back to C-Sec, and Wrex to Tuchanka.

He missed Tali and Garrus already. It had been strange walking into the cargo hold and not seeing Garrus by the Mako, and it would be even weirder not seeing Tali in Engineering. Apart from Ashley and Joker he considered those two to be his best friends.

With a slight shake of his head Kaidan tried to rid himself of his wandering thoughts, and focused on his duty station.

A few hours later he made his way to the nearly empty mess. The mess sergeant waved him over and wordlessly handed him a tray loaded with food. With a grateful nod he took it and sat down at the table. He was hardly surprised when Ashley dropped onto the seat next to him shortly afterwards, proudly sporting her new chevrons. She looked around and then leaned closer.

"Tell me _everything_ ," she whispered loudly.

Kaidan poked at the meat on his tray and frowned. After almost four weeks of eating something other than Alliance military rations, the first meals were always the worst.

"I'm eating, Ash," he answered. "And congrats on the promotion, Operations Chief. You've more than deserved it!"

Ashley snorted disdainfully. "Thanks, but stop flattering me. If it's meant as a diversion, it's not going to work."

"I didn't say that just to flatter you, Ash," he scowled at her. "I meant it."

Her expression softened. "I know you did, but - ," The sound of steps coming from the CIC refrained her from saying more. Ashley smirked widely when she saw it was Shepard.

"Skipper! Grab a bite and sit down with us! I'm sure LT won't mind," Ashley called, patting the table on Kaidan's other side.

Kaidan turned his head and saw Nick walking towards them with a little smile playing on her lips. God, how he wanted to kiss those lips. She place a hand leisurely on the back of his chair when she stood next to them.

"If you're still here in ten minutes I'll join you," Nick replied, facing Ashley. Then she turned her head to Kaidan. "If that's alright with you, Lieutenant?"

He swallowed, looking up into her blue-gray eyes. "Of course, Commander."

With a curt nod Shepard stepped away. His eyes followed her as she headed to the galley, utterly bewitched by the light sway of her hips. A snigger from Ashley brought him back to his senses.

"You're staring, LT," Ashley chided good-naturedly. "You might want to work on that again, before everyone on the ship knows how enamored you are with the Skipper." She leaned back sipping her coffee and gave him a satisfied grin.

"The past few weeks were so wonderfully quiet, you know," Kaidan told her, pointing his fork at her.

"Aww, I'm sure you missed me keeping you on your toes, LT," the operations chief shot back, trying to grab a cookie off of his tray.

"As if!" he muttered, slapping her fingers, and then taking another forkful of food.

"Ow, that hurt my feelings!" Ashley clasped her hands over her heart dramatically. Kaidan rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"What hurt your feelings?" Joker asked, limping slowly towards the table. Kaidan groaned. This was going to be more like an interrogation than anything else. He hoped Shepard finished whatever she had to do soon and could take some of the heat off him.

"LT said he didn't miss me. Just imagine that!" Ash pointed at him accusingly. "And he won't share his cookies with me."

"What did you expect? We both know there's only one person he shares anything with, preferably the bed," Joker told her in a matter-of-fact tone of voice. Kaidan froze, and then scanned the area quickly. They were alone. He exhaled slowly while Joker smirked at him. "And now to something completely different. Two words: shore leave."

Kaidan eyed his tray. Except for his dessert everything was gone. "You two just aren't going to shut up about it, are you?" he asked, taking a cookie.

"Nope!"

Kaidan glanced at Shepard's cabin, but there was no sign of her, and he turned his gaze back to his friends. They were looking at him expectantly, leaning closer with sparkling eyes. Ashley's lips were parted; she was probably hoping for some juicy tidbits. "Right," he replied with a sigh of resignation. "Ask away."

Joker cut straight to the chase. "Did you and Shepard go on shore leave together?"

"Yes." There was no use denying it. He knew them well enough to know they wouldn't have accepted 'no' as an answer either way. Kaidan's look swept back to the bulkhead of Shepard's cabin just as she stepped out and he almost let out a sigh of relief.

"Ha! I knew it!" Ashley said triumphantly, turning to Joker for a high five.

"You knew what, chief?" Shepard asked as she walked around the table and took the seat next to Kaidan.

"That you two spent shore leave together!"

Shepard looked at him with raised eyebrows. "Did you also tell them how extremely talented you are at letting a girl forget where she is?"

Ashley nearly spit out her coffee.

"Not something I boast about, Shepard." Kaidan replied, feeling the heat of embarrassment slowly creep up his neck.

"Oh, but you should. I'm sure the neighbors heard my screams of pleasure more than once." She smiled innocently while her knee brushed against his under the table and snatched the cookie out of his hand as he stared at her. He couldn't believe what she had just said; maybe he was hearing things. The fact that her tongue darted out to slowly lick some crumbs off her lips as she steadily gazed at him didn't make it easier for him to concentrate.

"More likely they heard your shouts of rage when I beat you at the rifle range," he retorted once he'd found his speech back. " _Soundly_ beat."

He watched as her smile turned to a mock scowl. "I told you I can't shoot with a goddamn pea-shooter!"

"I also had the higher score with the assault rifle, which I haven't used since basic," Kaidan explained, looking at Ashley and Joker.

"Don't be so smug, Alenko! My rifle kept pulling to the side," Shepard muttered, punching his shoulder playfully.

"You should've realigned then," he returned with a shrug, his typical lopsided smirk tugging at his lips. "As I recall we switched assault rifles yet, remember? And I had the higher score both times."

"But I kicked your ass with the sniper rifle!" Nick emphasized.

"That you did," Kaidan answered with a smile.

His heart did a little somersault when she smiled back. "I can't help it, I just like big guns."

"Size isn't everything, Commander." Kaidan said.

"You don't have to worry about size anyway, Lieutenant," Shepard purred, the pressure of her leg against his increasing.

Ashley coughed lightly. "Are you two still talking about weapons or is it your sex life now?"

"Weapons," Kaidan and Nick answered as one, still looking at each other. The looks they received from Joker and Ashley when they turned their eyes on them stated clearly that their friends didn't believe a word. They remained at the table some time yet, asking Ashley and Joker where they had spent their shore leave before all heading to bed.

Shepard turned around once more before entering her cabin.

"Oh, Joker? Ash?" she said sweetly. "If you mention _anything_ to _anyone_ that could harm my career, or worse, Kaidan's, I swear by my pretty, floral bonnet, I will _end_ you." She smiled and walked into her cabin, her voice drifting out to them, " _Painfully_."

As Kaidan lay in his sleeper pod a short while later he struggled to get comfortable. He could still feel her leg pressed against his, her fingers brushing over his ever so lightly when she had snatched the cookie out of his hand. He saw her tongue dart out to moist her lips when he closed his eyes. Shepard was obviously right; being back on the Normandy was a lot like going cold turkey.

_Goddammit, Alenko, pull yourself together. It's not like this is forever!_

Several days later they had managed to sneak a few kisses here and there, but all it did was fuel his hunger for more. Kaidan wouldn't have thought it possible, but it was worse than on the first run with the Normandy, because he knew exactly _what_ he was missing.

This cruise was going to be pure torture.

His heart hammered in his chest as she approached his workstation on the crew deck, chewing on her bottom lip, obviously deep in thought. As she drew closer her eyes swept through the room to check if the coast was clear. But there was something in her posture that told him this wasn't just a friendly visit.

"Lieutenant, do you have a minute?" Shepard asked.

Straightening up Kaidan turned to face her. "Of course, Commander."

"Good. I need to speak to you. Privately." She gestured towards her cabin.

Bewildered Kaidan closed his duty station and followed her, his mouth dry. His shift was nearly over anyway, but something was obviously up.

"Have a seat, Alenko," Shepard said as she sat down at the small table. For a second she turned the datapad she was holding in her hands back and forth before pushing it towards him.

Kaidan picked it up and his eyes widened as he skimmed the text. He looked back at Shepard, and found her smiling at him.

"Congratulations, _Lieutenant Commander_ ," she said, standing up suddenly and moving closer to him, her fingertips grazing his arm. "I think a celebration is in order. What a happy coincidence that your shift is just over, wouldn't you say?"

_He was off duty and they were alone._

"A very happy coincidence," he murmured, pulling her onto his lap. Their mouths met, and he could feel her hum of approval as they kissed hungrily. She tasted of chocolate and cinnamon, sweet and sharp.

"They're probably going to transfer you, you know," Nick whispered between kisses, her fingers trailing along his shoulders and down his chest. "And technically we're not fraternizing anymore, are we? You're no longer my subordinate." She stood up, pulling him with her.

Kaidan tugged her close again and chuckled against the crook of her neck, running his tongue along her collarbone. He didn't think the brass would agree with that, but at the moment he was too preoccupied to worry about it. She moaned lustfully as he sucked at her pulse point and slid his hands under her panties, cupping her ass.

They undressed with military efficiency and Kaidan pushed her slowly towards the bed.

Nick sat down and grinned up at him, licking her lips before running the tip of her tongue along his erection. He groaned and closed his eyes, twisting one hand into her hair as she swirled her tongue around his tip.

With a kiss she pulled away and, biting her lip, moved up the bed. Kaidan followed her, his mouth leaving a hot trail along the inside of her thighs, nudging her legs further apart. He deliberately ignored the apex of her thighs, kissing the scar just below her ribcage before catching a pebbled bud of her breast in his mouth. He grazed the sensitive mound with his teeth, sucking and licking, then turned his attention to the other rosy tip.

She whispered his name and Kaidan looked into her beautiful face, eyes dark with desire. His tongue slid smoothly over hers, kissing her deeply. Her hands slid over his shoulder to his amp jack and Kaidan instantly felt the buzz of his biotics humming just under his skin. He shuddered, willing down his power.

With a smirk he moved down her body, settling between her legs. His eyes darted to her face again, flushed with arousal, He ran his thumb lightly through her folds, spreading them and her breath hitched when his tongue flicked over her clit. Nick squirmed and writhed as he held her, circling her nub with his tongue, nibbling and sucking, until she was keening with lust.

Her hips jerked upward when he slid a finger into her core, adding a second shortly after. She chanted his name like a mantra, her body going rigid just before her orgasm tore through her body. Kaidan placed a soft kiss on the hypersensitive bundle of nerves. She twitched even at this gentle touch. He placed another kiss just a little bit higher, but her hand curled into his hair, tugging him upwards.

"I want you to fuck me," Nick whispered hoarsely. "I want you to fuck me hard and fast until I can hardly hold back from screaming your name."

Pure lust shot through at her words and he kissed her hard. Kaidan pulled away, his eyes wandering to her swollen lips. Her wish ran through him like lightning and with one sure thrust he entered her. He began to move slowly, pulling almost all the way out before slamming into her again. Her hands fisted into the sheets with every thrust as he increased his pace.

"Oh my God," she mewled when he hooked her legs over his shoulders, driving deep into her. Her breathing was almost frantic and her nails dug into his shoulders, her hips meeting him with every movement.

Kaidan had to slow down; he was getting close. He leaned down to kiss her, pressing his forehead to hers and their eyes were locked as he gradually went faster. He felt the tension building up low in his body; he wouldn't be able to hold back much longer.

"Nick, I won't last much longer," he panted. A slight nod acknowledged his words as she urged him on.

"Don't stop. Oh my God, _don't stop_!" Her eyelids fluttered and she arched her back, dragging her fingernails down his back, digging them deep into his flesh. Somewhere in his mind a voice told him he would bear scratch marks for several days, but Kaidan didn't care. He picked up speed again as he fucked her just as she wanted him to, hard and fast. With each thrust he struggled to keep his rhythm and his biotics under control. Lights danced in front of his eyes, exploding as the tension uncoiled and he spilled himself into her with a low groan, feeling her inner walls tightening around him, milking him.

For a moment they both lay there panting hard as their orgasms slowly subsided. "That was incredible," Nick mumbled.

Kaidan chuckled. "I aim to please."

He kissed her again, slowly this time, feeling completely sated and happy before drifting into sleep together.


	35. Alchera

It was quiet when Kaidan went down to the cargo hold looking for the requisition officer to get his new rank insignia. A grin fleeted over his face, recalling Nick's whispered "Good morning, Lieutenant Commander" against his lips only half an hour earlier. There was still some time before he was on duty and he had to update his uniforms, but it was likely he would have to wait a few minutes. The elevator opened to an only dimly lit cargo bay, but Ashley was already at her station, taking care of Normandy's armory. She turned around at the sound of the elevator doors opening. A grin spread on her face.

"You're up early, LT. Did you get a good night's rest?"

Kaidan walked over, leaned against the bench and crossed his arms in front of him, perfectly aware that she was hinting that she'd seen his empty sleeper pod. "Can't complain, Chief," he replied. "I'm just waiting for Collins to get here. I need some things."

"Oh?" Ashley gave him a quizzical look. With a light smirk Kaidan opened his omni'tool and showed her the notification of his promotion.

"Holy shit! Congrats, Kaidan!" she exclaimed loudly and slapped his shoulder hard. "Wow!" She paused before continuing, "You do know they'll probably transfer you?"

Kaidan laughed. "That's exactly what Shepard said." He looked back over his shoulder upon hearing the elevator.

"Did she now?" Ashley's question pulled his attention back to their conversation. She grinned widely. "When did she tell you that?"

"Last night," Kaidan answered casually.

"So?" Ashley drawled. "And what did you do last night?"

Kaidan shook his head. "None of your business, Ash," he retorted with a smile as he turned away, ready to go to the requisition officer.

The chief scoffed at him but her reply was silenced as the Normandy rocked from a sudden impact. Kaidan spun around, his gaze sweeping the entire cargo hold. The ship lurched again, almost knocking him to the floor.

Were they under attack?

Emergency sirens began to blare, signaling for the crew to get to the escape pods. Nobody moved; everybody seemed frozen with disbelief as the smell of burning circuits filled the air as they caught fire. Kaidan finally gained control over his limbs again as adrenaline poured through his veins.

"Everyone to the escape pods!" he barked urgently, running to his locker. Around him the crew that had arrived only moments before to fulfill their duties began to scuttle for safety. He pulled on his armor in lightning speed, aware of Ashley doing the same next to him. She tapped his shoulder as he pulled on his helmet and Kaidan stood still while Ashley ran her hands along the seams of his armor swiftly, checking each closure. He quickly returned the favor.

"Ash, I need you to make sure the people get out of engineering. And don't forget to get out of there before things get too hot," Kaidan took a deep breath. "I'm going to check in with Shepard."

The chief nodded and together they sped towards the elevator; Ashley passing it and heading to engineering, while Kaidan took the elevator up to the crew deck, praying he wouldn't get stuck on the obnoxiously slow lift, and cursing the designers of the Normandy again for the lack of stairs. Too late did he remember the maintenance shaft, but considering the fires that had broken out everywhere being caught in a narrow metal tube didn't sound promising either.

The doors finally opened to a haze of smoke and flickering lights. Kaidan swore under his breath and tore out of the elevator and up the steps to the CIC, sure he would find Shepard in the helm. He paused to help a crewmate stand up and ushered them towards the escape pods before rushing on. To his surprise Joker was alone in the helm, and after a short, urgent conversation Kaidan turned away again.

Shortly afterward he thundered down the steps back onto the crew deck, searching the dim mess with his eyes as he passed through it.

A movement at the far end of the room passed the sleeper pods caught his attention. Through the billowing smoke he saw the figure of the woman he had been looking for. Relief spread through him that she wasn't lying somewhere, knocked unconscious by a fallen beam, or worse.

Kaidan coughed as the acrid smoke burned in his lungs and he pulled on his helmet as he closed the distance between them.

"Shepard!" He didn't bother hiding the relief in his voice that he had found her. "Do you think the Alliance will get here in time?"

"They damn well better! They sent us here, after all." Shepard sounded grim as she tossed him a fire extinguisher. "Anyway, the distress beacon is ready. All we can do now is hope and wait. Get the crew to the escape pods!" Another blast shook the Normandy, sending them stumbling into each other.

"Joker's still in the helm, he won't abandon ship" he told her, not wanting to let go. Fear seized him again. "And I'm not leaving either."

Their eyes met. "Kaidan, I need you to make sure the crew gets to the fucking EVAC shuttles. I'll take care of Joker." There was a hint of exasperation in her voice. "Now, goddammit!"

Kaidan hesitated. Her eyes narrowed behind her helmet, and he nodded before turning away to follow her order. Cold dread settled in his stomach, turning his innards to ice as he left to aid the crew. He couldn't shake the feeling that he should stay with her; that something bad was going to happen.

He rallied the crew, urging them onward, helping those that stumbled. Kaidan glanced around as he stood in front of one of the last escape pods, gazing intently through the smoke obscuring his vision while his thoughts kept slipping back to Shepard.

_There is nobody else coming._

Another impact shook the Normandy, and he knew he couldn't wait any longer. All he could do was hope that Nick convinced Joker to get out, and that the EVAC shuttle by the helm wasn't damaged.

_No. They'll be fine._

He sat down, and hit the escape button as he pulled the safety harnish down; the escape pod lurched as it was propelled into space, and his hands curled around the bars of the harnish while his heart labored in his throat.

This felt terribly _wrong_.

* * *

Kaidan sat in the shuttle to Earth staring sightlessly ahead, numb, unable to keep his mind on the present as he relieved those fateful final moments on the Normandy over and over. He swallowed hard; the past few days had passed in a haze of feelings that he'd kept bottled up inside of him, unable to believe that the Normandy had been destroyed.

_What if I hadn't hesitated and I'd just followed her order? Would she have had enough time to get into the escape pod? Was it my fault she died?_

He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth. It was tempting to blame Joker, but he knew that the pilot had done what every pilot in the fleet would have done; he had tried to get them all to safety and to save the ship. So who else was there to blame other than himself?

_The unknown assailant._

Kaidan's head jerked up and he sucked in a breath. As soon as they had crashed on Alchera he had helped Dr. Chakwas with the wounded, set up the distress beacon and had headed to the location of the last escape pod as soon as soon as the coordinates came in. The memory of the hatch opening and only seeing Joker inside, his face wet with tears, made his blood run cold.

The Normandy's helmsman had choked out the words, "I'm sorry, Kaidan. I'm so sorry" more than once, but Kaidan hadn't been able to answer. He had turned away, leaving the doctor with Joker as he went back to the crash site; completely numb.

He functioned fully on autopilot after that, as if somebody else were in control of his body - talking to the surviving crew, comforting them, coordinating duties for those that were ready and able until the doctor had ordered him to catch some shut-eye. He refused until he could barely stay on his feet anymore, afraid to relive the past hours in his dreams.

Kaidan clenched his fist and let his forehead rest against the cold metal of the shuttle, closing his eyes as they filled with tears. He had to keep it together until he was not in public anymore. He was an Alliance marine who had just lost his commanding officer in a raid. That was it. He had known he could lose her in combat anytime and now he had to keep his true emotions under lock and key.

As the shuttle approached the docks he gripped his duffel bag tightly and let out a shaky breath, trying not to think of the last time he had stepped of a shuttle in Vancouver only a few weeks earlier holding hands with the most amazing woman in the universe. The shuttle set down, the hatch opened and an icy realization swept over Kaidan as he stepped out into the rain.

He would never hold her hand again, never kiss her again, never make love to her again.

Nick was gone.

Kaidan dragged in a shaky breath and walked slowly towards the skycar lot, debating whether he should get a rental or take a cab. The third possibility of course was calling someone to pick him up, but he wanted to put off explaining why he was on Earth again as long as possible. And he didn't really feel like driving, so that left the cab.

His voice sounded hoarse and monotonous as he told the taxi driver his destination. The cab driver gave him a shrewd look.

"Mission go FUBAR, Commander?"

A vet.

Of course, of all taxis available, he had to get into one whose driver was a veteran. Kaidan nodded before adding quietly, "You could say that."

He fell silent again and rested his head against the window, looking forlorn at the passing scenery. Familiar landmarks passed before him, but he didn't see any of them; he was staring into nothing.

The ride was blessedly uneventful and quiet. Luckily the driver didn't force any conversation, not even small talk, even though Kaidan could feel his eyes on him frequently. It wasn't until the cab pulled up in front of his parent's house that the cab driver turned around to face him again. Kaidan opened his omnitool, ready to transfer the needed credits, when the driver waved him off.

"No, this ride's on the house," he let him know. "I don't know how you feel about an old vet giving you advice, but," the driver hesitated, "I guess your mission went completely sideways, maybe even involving the loss of a comrade. Commander, talk to someone about it. Someone you trust."

Kaidan stared at the other man, knitting his brows. "How did you - ?"

"How did I hit so near the mark? I've been a cab driver for more than ten years now and I've had a lot of customers, soldiers and civilians, happy and grieving. Not to mention that I served for almost ten years myself. But grief - it's always the same empty, haunted look. The same clenched jaw and the same desperate attempt to keep the voice from cracking when you speak," the cab driver sighed. He looked firmly into Kaidan's eyes. "Talk to somebody, Commander."

Kaidan nodded slowly, gathered his bag, and got out of the cab, thanking the driver. The answer was lost to him as he willed his feet to walk him to the front door. His family would be more than surprised to see him again so soon, and he steeled himself against any questions as he opened the door and walked in.

_Maybe he should've gone to the Visiting Officer's Quarters instead._

The murmur of several voices reached his ears from the dining room. Obviously his parents had company over for dinner. It wasn't until Kaidan heard his sister talking to his niece that he remembered it was Saturday evening, and that most likely the family had gotten together for dinner.

He quietly closed the door and just listened to the swell of voices, when the kitchen door opened and his mother stepped out, carrying a terrine. She nearly dropped the earthenware dish when she saw him.

"Kaidan! What are you doing here?"

The voices in the dining room subsided, and he heard chairs being pushed back. Almost immediately the door opened and his dad stood in front of him. Kaidan met his father's inquisitive gaze steadily as the older man gave him a once-over.

"Honey?" his mother asked, stepping closer.

Kaidan finally spoke. "Haven't you heard?" he replied, sounding thoroughly exhausted.

"We just got back from the cabin this afternoon," his dad explained. "So we're a little out of the loop."

"Just … turn on the news." Kaidan grabbed his duffel bag and headed up the stairs. "I'm going to square away my stuff."

He stepped into his old room looking out over the backyard and dropped his bag next to his desk. Rubbing the back of his neck he stared out of the window toward the North Shore Mountains looming in the distance. Tension had built up in his neck and shoulders, and Kaidan knew there was a migraine in the making.

But he couldn't relax.

If he relaxed he would break down, he was certain of that.

The past few days he had clung to his duties as marine detail commander of the Normandy, and as highest ranking officer that had survived the crash. He was - or had been - responsible for Normandy's crew until the Head Physician on the Emden had certified the entire crew unfit for duty and highly recommended counseling.

That was why he was here, in Vancouver, and not on Arcturus as he had expected, waiting for new orders. No, Monday morning at 0745 he had to report to a psychiatrist at HQ.

It started to snow as he looked outside, and unknowingly he curled his hand to a fist as he pushed aside thoughts of the snow he had seen less than two weeks earlier laying in bed with Nick.

_Don't go there, Alenko._

Tears stung in his eyes and he blinked them away rapidly as an angry voice called him.

"Kaidan Matthew!"

Kaidan groaned. "Here it comes." He quickly wiped away a tear and headed downstairs, steeling himself for an argument. He stepped into the living room, coming face to face with his father, who pointed at the vid screen. Kaidan swallowed. It showed a picture of Nick and him, oblivious of their surroundings, smiling at each other over some drinks.

_When had that picture been taken?_

"Are you completely out of your mind, boy?" his father thundered. "Fraternizing with your commanding officer?"

Kaidan turned to face his father, crossing his arms in front of him as irritation flooded through him. "It's not like we planned for it to happen, dad."

"How long?" Adam Alenko snapped. "How long have you two been - ?" He waved his hand dismissively towards the screen.

"If you're afraid we did anything to compromise the mission, you can relax again." Kaidan's voice was icy. "We waited until our mission was complete." Almost anyway.

"What about your career? Are you willing to sacrifice that all just because a nice pair of eyes caught your attention?"

Kaidan froze. He couldn't believe what he had just heard.

"This wasn't just a fling, dad. Am I not allowed to be happy, or what?" Annoyance crept into his voice. "Or maybe you don't think people can look past _this_." His biotics flared around him, cracking in the air, and he took a deep breath, struggling to reign his temper back in. "Don't you think we were aware of what we were doing? That we didn't talk about it? That we didn't consider all possibilities?" Kaidan glared at his father, holding his gaze defiantly, his eyes still swirling in biotic blue. "And not a word of congratulations on making Lieutenant Commander? Well, thank you very much." The older man blinked and Kaidan turned his gaze back to the picture. It was a good picture; Shepard looked beautiful. He walked slowly towards it, scanning the picture.

"Noveria," he murmured as recognition set in. With his luck he'd be asked about this by the Alliance psychiatrist he was scheduled to meet. "This was taken on Noveria, just before we set off to take down Matriarch Benezia."

"You mean you were on duty when this was taken? You do know that the brass will ask you about it?" his dad gestured at the screen.

"She. Is. Dead, dad," Kaidan ground out, dark energy rippling along his arms. "The woman I love is dead. Spaced. She either suffocated floating through space, or she burned upon entering the atmosphere over Alchera." His breathed hard, not wanting to think of the different ways she possibly died. He squeezed the bridge of his nose with his fingers.

_I'm sorry I never told you I love you, Nick._

He had known his dad wouldn't be happy with their relationship; as supportive as Adam Alenko was, once he had accepted that Kaidan was set on joining the Alliance he wanted him to have the best career he could, and breaking fraternization regs was a danger to that. It ached though. He felt bitter and disappointed that his parents had so little faith in him.

"I shouldn't have bothered coming here," Kaidan went on wearily. He didn't want to argue about Nick, he wanted to be alone so he could finally start grieving. "I'll grab my stuff and stay at the visiting officer's quarters at HQ instead." Without another word he left the room, opening his omni'tool on the way, and called a taxi, ignoring the protests behind him.

A short time later he sat on the front porch, his duffel bag perched on the seat next to him. He could hear his parents argue. Kaidan smiled briefly to himself. His mom was getting into her stride.

"Kai?" His sister Erin said his name softly as she stepped out onto the porch. "Mind if I join you?"

He turned his head a fraction to the side, nodded once, and returned to staring down the street, waiting for the taxi to pick him up. "Go ahead."

"Kai-bear," his sister said, using her old pet name for him. She hadn't called him that since … since he came back from BAaT. "You know Dad didn't mean it like that. He's just worried, that's all. You should stay." He shook his head. Erin paused, obviously trying to word her next sentence properly. In the end she settled for the direct approach. "So Nick was the famous Commander Shepard."

He took a deep breath. "Yes."

Erin stepped closer, gently laying her hand on his shoulder and he could smell the hint of rose that she always wore. "Did you love her?"

"Yes. I loved her." Kaidan's answer was no more than a whisper, his voice failing him, cracking as he spoke. His sister didn't say anything, she just wrapped her arms around him, holding him as the first sob shook him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not very good at writing angst, so I hope this wasn't too bad!


	36. Here Without You

The ride to Alliance Headquarters in downtown Vancouver was blissfully uneventful. Kaidan typed up a short message to Ashley, letting her know he would be staying at the Visitor's Quarters if they had any vacancies, and if not he'd stay at a motel.

He was little surprised to see Ashley waving at him as soon as he entered the visiting quarters.

"Hey, LT! I got a six pack as soon as I got your message. Movies and beer sound good, right?" Ashley was in her usual chipper mood, at least at first impression. "I managed to get you quarters close to mine. Hope that was okay. Thought you might need a friend close by."

"Yeah, thanks Ash." Kaidan ran a hand through his hair. "Listen, I don't want to be rude, but I'd really like to be alone for a bit. I just need some time to myself."

She fell silent, casting a long hard look at him.

"Really," he insisted. "I've been surrounded by people for days now, Ash. I want to be alone for a while."

"And grieve," she said simply.

Kaidan gave her a weak smile. "Yeah."

Holding his gaze for a moment, Ashley nodded. "Okay. But if you need a shoulder, I'm just across the hall." She pulled him into a fierce hug. "And no drinking alone."

The corners of his mouth twitched. "Alright."

"Have a good night then, Kaidan."

"Good night, Ash." He waited a moment after she left and then quietly closed the door, and with a sigh Kaidan put his duffel bag on the bed and began unpacking. As soon as he had squared away his belongings he sat down on the bed and gazed out of the window.

It was snowing again.

Pulling in a sharp breath, he opened his omni'tool, his finger hovering over the file with photographs for a moment before opening it. He knew it wasn't the wisest thing to do, but the urge to see Nick again was overwhelming. He flicked slowly through the file, his expression carefully neutral even now. Finally he stumbled across one that made his heart stutter.

He couldn't help but lean closer to the image. God, she looked so beautiful. Her eyes appeared to sparkle and she had a smile playing on her lips - those soft and kissable lips - as she cast a coy glance back over her bare shoulder. It was a look reserved for him. Only for him. A look full of promise, and he hadn't been aware he had captured that look in a holo.

He clenched his jaw as he traced a finger tenderly across the image, tears stinging in his eyes. Kaidan wiped away the tears furiously and opened the next photograph only to see both of them laughing at the camera happily, leaning their heads together, her arms wrapped around his neck.

With a strangled sob Kaidan closed his 'tool.

Maybe being alone doing nothing wasn't the best idea after all; he had to do something or he would go stir crazy.

Mustering all his will he got off the bed, pulled on his training clothes, and headed to the gym.

* * *

A knock at the door caught Kaidan unawares the next day as he stepped out of the shower after being out for a run.

"One moment, please!" he called and hurridly dressed. He was fairly certain it was Ashley, so he didn't rush to answer the door. She probably thought she had to check on him. Shaking his head he opened the door - and stepped back in surprise when he found himself face to face with his father.

Kaidan's expression turned to stone.

They stared at each other silently. With a considerable amount of satisfaction Kaidan realized that his father looked uncomfortable.

"Can I come in?" Adam Alenko eventually asked, gesturing at the room.

Kaidan stepped to the side wordlessly and closed the door after his father entered.

Then he waited.

His father turned and looked at him. "Kaidan, I wanted to apologize," he began. "I had no right to say what I said last night. I'm sorry you lost … someone close to you." He stepped closer, looking unsure if he should continue speaking. "But can't you understand why I had misgivings?" The ex-Alliance major ran a hand through his hair.

"Dad, I think you're the one that doesn't understand," Kaidan said in a level voice. "Nick and I were well aware of what we were doing. We were well aware of what was happening months ago. And when we realized that we both felt the same we agreed on one thing: we'd wait until we had finished our mission, and then take things from there." He averted his eyes briefly before looking back at his father. "This wasn't just a fling, dad. Not for me, and I'm pretty sure not for her either. I lo - ." His voice faltered, and he swallowed. "I love - _loved_ \- her."

His dad remained silent for a moment. "I'm sorry, Kaidan. I didn't get to talk to her much that day at the cabin, but she seemed … _nice_. Let's go eat someplace and you could tell me about her. If you don't mind?"

Kaidan hesitated a moment, and nodded.

Half an hour later they sat in a pub waiting for their food. Adam Alenko looked at his son expectantly. "Now tell me about this woman that managed to get you to break frat regs."

Kaidan didn't answer right away, turning his glass in his hands. He weighed his words carefully.

"Nick … Nick is - _was_ \- fiery. She had a temper that could be called explosive, but she was also sweet and caring. She would move heaven and earth to keep her team safe." He paused, his grip tightening around the glass in front of him as his mind wandered to Alchera. "She was bad at tech. Oh god," Kaidan let out a short, mirthless laugh. "Bad doesn't even come close. But she was an excellent sniper."

"She was the Hero of the Blitz?"

"And the sole survivor of the thresher maw incident on Akuze," Kaidan added. "On Edolus we reacted to an active distress beacon and went groundside to investigate. It turned out to be a trap. The beacon was placed in the middle of a thresher nest. The moment we drove over the ledge she knew exactly what we were in for." He bit his lip. "We managed a few hits with the cannon before the maw caught us in a spray of acid. We hightailed it onto the ridge, and then Shepard ordered us to stay put, grabbed a grenade launcher and her shotgun, and jumped out of the Mako." His eyes were wide as he looked at his father. "She took out a maw _on foot_. Sure, it was injured, but … that's Nick for you."

Kaidan drew a deep breath. "Then we discovered that an entire platoon of Alliance marines had died because they had been lured there by the distress beacon. I was angry, and so was Ash, but Nick? Nick was furious. I swear if whoever was responsible for that had been there, she would've killed them with her bare hands." He took a swallow of his beer, and slowly set the glass back on the table.

"Nick was incredible," he continued quietly. A sad smile spread on his face. "She even loved hockey, dad."

Adam Alenko listened to him without interrupting. Kaidan felt his eyes on him as he furtively wiped away a tear. Further conversation was interrupted by the waiter bringing them their food. They ate in comparative silence, and then spent a long time talking before Kaidan returned to his quarters.

* * *

_The Normandy shook under his feet as another blast hit her, sending him stumbling towards Nick. They held on to each other and he fear seized him._

" _Joker's still in the helm. He won't abandon ship. And I'm not leaving either." His voice was almost defiant._

_Blue eyes gazed intently at him. "Kaidan, I need you to make sure the crew gets to the fucking EVAC shuttles. I'll take care of Joker. Now, godammit!"_

_Her eyes narrowed as he hesitated, until all he could do was nod and follow her order. He stumbled through the ship as the vessel lurched and rolled, rallying the crew to get to the escape pods. Waiting until he was certain nobody else was coming, and finally climbing into one of the last escape pods, feeling sick to his stomach as the EVAC shuttle was lurched into space, hoping Shepard and Joker made it off in time …_

Kaidan bolted upright in his bed, gasping, cold sweat covering his body. He was here without her.

_There was no hope._

_She was_ dead _._

_There was no hope._

His heart raced, and he struggled to calm his breathing. He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, swallowing the bile rising in his throat, then looked at the clock.

0520

A choked sound escaped his throat - a mixture of a sigh and a sob - and he got up knowing that sleep would come no more. He stretched and began loosening muscles before pulling on sweats and a t-shirt. He had enough time to work out before he had to meet with the Alliance psychologist.

Nearly two and a half hours later Kaidan stood in front of the door of the psychologist's office, his muscles still burning pleasantly from the intensity of his workout. Drawing a deep breath he knocked and was immediately asked to enter.

He straightened his uniform and stepped inside.

"Lieutenant-Commander Alenko, good morning. I'm Dr. Carson. Have a seat." The dark skinned woman pointed at a chair in front of her desk. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," he answered with a firm voice.

She nodded, making a short note on her datapad. "I don't know how familiar you are with procedure after an incident like this one, so I explain briefly. I will be asking you a number of questions this morning, and then we will decide how to proceed. Nothing unusual, just standard protocol. Shall we begin?" Dr. Carson paused, looking at him. He agreed, and she began the interview. "How have you been sleeping? More than usual? Less than usual? Have you had any nightmares?""

"I've been sleeping fine. No changes," he replied. There was no way he was going to tell her about waking up covered in cold sweat that morning. He decided for a grain of truth. "The first few nights were a little rough, but it's gotten better." _That_ was a lie, but he hoped she wouldn't press the issue.

Again, the doctor nodded, and made a note before continuing her interview, grilling him with questions for nearly an hour. She gave him a list of dates for physical and mental evaluations, telling him that he would be held back at least two weeks before being sent back on active duty - if he passed all tests.

The door closed behind Kaidan after he left the office, and he let out a long breath.

These were going to be a few long weeks.

* * *

The sun shone brightly through his window as Kaidan eyed his Dress Blues. He sighed, and slowly pulled on the uniform. The weather grated on his nerves, and he felt strangely offended that today of all days was an exceptionally fine one. Clenching his jaw he turned to the mirror to adjust his uniform, the sabre at his side.

A month had passed since the destruction of the Normandy, and the Alliance was finally holding a memorial service for Shepard.

Kaidan had spent the past three weeks with a number of physical and mental evaluations, and the previous day he had finally been cleared for active duty again, but nothing had surprised him more than when his father had asked if he should accompany him to Nick's memorial a few days earlier.

He had denied.

Now he wasn't so sure if that had been the best idea.

Observing his appearance once more he stepped towards the door and opened it, coming face to face with Ashley, her hand raised, ready to knock.

"You ready?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

"No," he admitted, "but I'll make it."

His friend nodded slowly, not taking her eyes off him. "The others are downstairs," she explained. "We thought we could all go together."

"The entire remaining crew?" Kaidan raised an eyebrow.

Another nod and a "Well, almost." answered his question, and they headed to the foyer together. Kaidan felt as though all eyes were on him as he stepped to the group. Luckily it wasn't the entire surviving crew. Garrus had come from the Citadel, and both Liara and Tali were there. No, he noticed. Not everybody was looking at him. Joker was staring at his feet.

Kaidan adjusted his path and walked towards the Alliance pilot.

"We have some time yet. Mind if we talk?" Kaidan asked, pulling up a chair.

Joker cast him an incredulous look. "You really want to talk to me? After I killed your girlfriend?" Kaidan didn't answer right away, and Joker scoffed at him. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"You didn't kill her."

"What?" Joker's head jerked around.

Kaidan inhaled deeply. "You didn't kill her. The other ship did." He paused before going on quietly. "Or maybe it was my fault. She gave me a direct order, and I hesitated." Another deep breath. "I hesitated." He looked straight at Joker. "I won't deny that there are times when I want to blame you, but then I remember that I could be to blame as well." Kaidan's voice turned hard. "The only ones we can blame without a doubt are the ones that attacked us. Now - let's get this memorial over with."

Kaidan stood up, clasping his friend's shoulder before returning to the group, the pilot following him slowly.

A while later Kaidan and five other Alliance soldiers took up the empty coffin that was to be put to rest. Snow crunched under his boots, and the sun reflected off the icy surface of Lake Michigan, draping everything in a blinding light.

He wasn't quite sure how he was going to make it through the ceremony. Now, walking through the chilly Chicago wind across the Alliance cemetery at a measured pace, he felt his chest constrict painfully. The weight of the coffin on his shoulder bothered him; it should have been heavier. It bothered him that there wasn't even a physical body he could say goodbye to.

Somehow he made it through the ceremony, but the moment the flag was folded and he turned to present it to her next of kin it nearly hit him like a brick.

These were Nick's _parents_. These were his dead girlfriend's parents - and it was his duty to present them with the flag in honor of their daughter.

_This was not how their first meeting should have gone._

Kaidan was grateful for protocol as he dropped to one knee, bowing his head as he held out the meticulously folded flag, rapidly blinking away his tears. He looked up when he felt the flag being lifted and looked into a face that looked like Nick's, and yet did not.

The differences between Nick and Captain Hannah Shepard registered immediately in his brain, especially their eyes. Whereas Nick's had been gunmetal blue her mother's were bright green. As his brain checked off every difference the captain must have seen some seen something in _his_ eyes. She narrowed her eyes barely perceptibly, and Kaidan hurried up to continue protocol.

Straightening, he saluted and executed a perfect right turn, his expression carefully neutral as he returned to his post for the remaining ceremony.

He ventured a furtive glance to where Nick's parents were seated only to see Hannah Shepard leaning towards her husband, talking in a low voice, and _both_ looking at him.

 _Great_.

Heat crept up from his collar as he quickly turned his eyes front, hoping nobody noticed the blush of embarrassment spreading across his face.

Once all speeches had been held they were dismissed, and Kaidan joined Garrus and the others again. Tali wrapped her arms around him as soon as he reached them, holding him close. Liara was dabbing her eyes, as was the Doctor, and Kaidan was sure that Garrus' expression was one of grief as well.

They remained silent for a moment before Ashley spoke up with a thick voice.

"I don't know about you guys, but I could use a stiff drink, or ten."

Kaidan laughed once. Of course it would be Ash to suggest something like that. She put one arm around his shoulders and the other around Joker's as they slowly made their way off the cemetery.

After a few steps a male voice called out behind them.

"Lieutenant-Commander Alenko? A word, please."

Kaidan turned around, and felt all color draining from his face. He found himself looking into eyes the exact hue of blue and gray as Nick's had been. He felt Ashley squeeze his arm as he turned to face Captain John Shepard fully.

"Captain?" he kept his voice carefully neutral, though he couldn't suppress curiosity seeping through.

"Walk a few steps with me," the captain said, gesturing for Kaidan to join him.

Apprehension spread through Kaidan as he fell in step with Nick's father.

"I'm not sure if you know who I am, Commander," John Shepard continued. "Or if you know which position I hold. For close to a year now I've been running the ICT program at Vila Militar." He procured a data pad from his inside pocket. "This is a commendation my daughter my sent. Obviously she thought you are good enough to be invited to the N-program."

Lost for words Kaidan blinked once, staring at the Alliance Captain in disbelief.

_Nick had commended him for N-School?_

"My wife just brought something else to my attention, though. How close were you with Veronika? I know she wouldn't suggest anybody for the ICT program that doesn't have the potential for it, but I have to ask."

_Could the ground open up, and swallow him?_

"We were good friends, sir," Kaidan replied carefully, keeping his eyes on the path in front of him.

"Bullshit, Commander." John Shepard waved his answer away dismissively. Kaidan looked in his direction out of the corner of his eyes. "I know there was somebody in her crew that had gained my daughter's attention, and not only on a professional level. How do I know that you wonder? Because Nick gave herself away in a vid call with my wife, and she just told me about it." He stopped and looked straight at Kaidan. "If you're worried about frat regs, you don't have to be. That would be rather hypocritical of me. But if you were involved with my daughter I would appreciate an honest answer."

Kaidan took a deep breath, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. "Yes, sir. We were involved."

The captain nodded. "How long?"

"Since the Battle of the Citadel." This was not strictly true, but it was close enough. Kaidan didn't want him to know that it had actually gone quite a bit longer, but the knowing expression on the captain's face made him wonder if he didn't suspect differently.

"I see." John Shepard walked on a few steps without saying more. Then he stopped. "Commander, I expect you to report in at the villa Monday morning by 0800." With that John Shepard turned away.

Kaidan swallowed, and then sped up to catch up with the others again, his mind reeling at the conversation he had just had. He could hardly believe it.

_He was going to N-School._


	37. Lazarus Station, 2185

Pain was the first thing Shepard felt.

_Throbbing red-hot pain._

_Stabbing needles of agony._

She heard people calling her name, their tone panicked, and she opened her eyes to bright neon lights and the image of a woman bending over her.

Blackness took her again just as she started to push through the pain.

Some time later she heard her name being called again, and again, and could almost have sworn it was the husky voice of her lieutenant.

" _Wake up, Commander!_ "

The call was repeated and slowly she realized it was not Kaidan, but the voice of a woman. An unknown woman. The air smelled of strongly of antiseptics, sharp and slightly unpleasant. Confused, she opened her eyes to bright neon lights and found herself in a sterile lab, the distant sound of explosions peppering the air.

_Where the hell am I?_

Shepard winced. Her face ached as if it were raw and bruised, and a sharp pain stabbed at her side. She cursed quietly, rolling into a sitting position, and a wave of nausea hit her as she stumbled to her feet. Her gaze slid around the unfamiliar room, searching for a surveillance camera, and landed on a symbol she couldn't place.

" _Commander Shepard, do you hear me?_ " the woman's voice called over the intercom again. " _You must get out of that bed, the facility is under attack! There's a locker with armor and a pistol on the opposite side of the room. You have to get moving!_ "

No, she had heard that voice before. She had heard that voice the last time she woke up; before unconsciousness had taken her again.

Nick stumbled across the room on legs that shook like jelly, her muscles aching and stiff. With fumbling hands she opened the locker and found the promised N7 armor within. And a pistol. She stripped out of the hospital gown she was wearing,pulled on the under armo,r, then dressed in the armor itself. More than once she wished Kaidan were there to help her suit up as her fingers struggled with the release catches.

It fit perfectly.

A frown spread on her face as she took the sidearm; she had little love for pistols and it felt almost foreign in her hands.

_Kaidan, this is more your thing. Where the hell are you?_

The voice interrupted her thoughts again. " … _Somebody's hacking security trying to kill you. You need to find a thermal clip. There aren't any in the medbay._ "

"What the hell is a thermal clip?" Nick mumbled under her breath, her voice sounding hoarse and rusty. Irritation flooded through her.

_What was this place, and where was her team?_

Bit by bit memories drifted to her consciousness. She remembered being back on the Normandy after a very memorable shore leave. She remembered waking up in Kaidan's arms after a passionate night and kissing each other good morning before he left her cabin. After that … she wasn't sure. An attack?

She spotted something on the floor that looked almost like an old-fashion magazine, and inserted it into the slot of her pistol. There was a satisfying _click_ as it snapped into place.

The door opened to a large foyer, and she ducked into cover when she heard movement. Peaking carefully over the crate Nick realized there was only one other door, and she had to get to it; there was no other exit. A security mech stood at the top of the stairs leading to the door, scanning the room vigilantly.

She gripped the pistol firmly with both hands and took a deep breath before popping out of cover to take out the hostile. The first shot went wide and the recoil was stronger than expected, costing her a precious second as the mech advanced on her. She fired several rapid shots and finally it collapsed.

"Bloody hell," Nick muttered as she advanced to the next room, rolling her shoulders. The unknown voice warned her of incoming tangos, and Nick dove into cover just in time as several hostile security mechs entered through the opposing door.

After she dispatched the hostile mechs and their pieces lay scattered on the floor, Nick advanced again, checking every corner and nook for unpleasant surprises. Following the bodiless voice's advice she took an elevator to a lower deck. The air was acrid, smelling of smouldering circuits and burnt rubber, and breathing was made difficult by the smoke and heat of multiple fires.

A cloud of pungent fumes filled the air, and she gagged.

Catching her breath, she listen to several voice logs on active terminals; one was the same voice leading her through the station.

" _Progress is slow, but subject shows signs of recovery. Major organs are again functional, and there are signs of rudimentary neurological activity._ "

Contemplating what she had heard on the voice logs, Nick entered a passage with two balconies. A human male surrounded by a flickering corona of biotic blue was busy shooting at mechs on the farther balcony. At the sound of the door the man ducked into cover, and turned around to see who was coming.

"Shepard? What the hell … ? I thought you were still a work in progress," he exclaimed, his jaw dropping.

_Work in progress?_

"Things must be pretty bad if Miranda's got you running around," the man continued.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Nick growled.

The man blinked. "Right … you probably don't remember what happened. But listen, this isn't the greatest time. I'll explain more once we reach the shuttle. I'm Jacob Taylor, by the way."

"No!" Nick shook her head. She wanted to know what was going on, and she wanted to know _now_.

Jacob glanced at the far side of the room. "Alright. I'll give you the quick version. The Normandy was attacked and destroyed, and you were killed. When they brought you here you were as dead as dead can be. Our scientists spent the last two years putting you back together. You've been comatose, or worse, the entire time."

The blood drained from Nick's face, and she held onto the banister to steady herself as the words registered in her mind and her thoughts reeled.

 _Two years? She had been_ gone _for two years?_

She was going to be sick.

"Two years?" she whispered hoarsely.

"Two years and twelve days, to be exact, and you were on the operating table most of the time." Jacob clarified.

Nick swallowed. "Were there any other survivors?" she asked, her heart hammering in her throat.

Visions fleeted through her head in a split second, and her stomach rolled as more memories returned.

_Explosions shook the Normandy as she readied the distress beacon and the sound of somebody running up behind her caught her attention._

" _Shepard!" Kaidan's voice reached her ears, sounding relieved to see her. "Do you think the Alliance will get here in time?"_

She remembered ordering him to get the crew to the EVAC shuttles, and then going to get Joker.

She remembered hauling the helmsman to the escape pod by the cockpit when the next attack hit, causing the Normandy to break apart.

Taylor began to reply when more mechs entered the chamber. He looked at the hostiles, and back at Shepard. "Help me finish off these mechs, and I'll play Twenty Questions with you all day. I'm a biotic, so it doesn't matter how many thermal clips we have." He grinned confidently. "I can hit them with the good stuff anytime."

Grinding her teeth, Nick joined him, and a few moments later the hostile mechs were smoking piles of electronic scrap. She turned to face him as soon as the last tango crumpled.

"Now answer my question. Who made it off the Normandy?"

"Just about everybody survived," came the answer. "A few servicemen from the lower decks didn't make it out, and of the officers only Navigator Pressley was killed in a blast. Everyone else made it out alive."

Shepard took a deep breath, and nodded. Looking around she considered her next steps. As much as she wanted to know more about what happened to her crew - _to Kaidan_ \- , and where they were now, it was paramount to get off this station. Nodding her head towards the exit she told Taylor to lead the way to the shuttles.

There would be more time for questions later. For now she knew most of her crew had survived; she knew that Kaidan was alive. Until they were in safety that had to suffice.

They had barely reached the door when another voice called over the comm system. The man on the com - Jacob called him Wilson - sounded surprised when Taylor mentioned she was with him, and then quickly told them to head for the network control room.

When they reached Wilson he was sitting on the ground clutching his leg. Shepard grabbed some medigel from a first aid station on the opposite wall and administered the medigel. Wilson explained that he had tried to shut down the security mechs after they attacked. She couldn't help but notice that Jacob seemed confused about this, and she frowned when he asked Wilson why he such security mech clearance, and then suggested they find Miranda.

"Forget about Miranda," Wilson said. "She was over in D wing, and that sector was swarmed by mechs. No way she made it out of there."

Jacob Taylor scoffed. "Miranda won't be stopped by a few mechs."

"Where is she then?" Wilson demanded. "I say there are only two possibilities. Either she's dead, or she's a traitor."

Shepard wiped all discussions aside.

"Maybe she is, maybe she isn't. All I know is that she helped me. I assume she was the one to warn me of the attack." Shepard looked from one man to the other, her eyes cold. "I don't know either of you, and I don't trust either of you. But for now I don't have a choice, so I suggest we just get moving. The sooner I get off this station, the better." This whole place rubbed her the wrong way.

Without another word she turned towards the far door just as a number of mechs entered the room. Cursing she dropped to cover as the first shots fell. An explosion shook the room as Wilson overloaded a number of crates stacked at the center of the room, taking out the mechs.

They waited for the smoke to clear before moving on, but had only taken a few steps when Jacob Taylor spoke again.

"Shepard, if I tell you who we work for, will you trust me?"

The other man rounded on the biotic for bringing the subject up, but Taylor countered they wouldn't have a chance otherwise. Shepard watched the exchange warily.

Taylor turned to face her again and began explaining. "The Lazarus Project, the project that rebuilt you, is funded and controlled by Cerberus."

_Cerberus._

Her thoughts immediately turned to the marines on Edolus, to finding Admiral Kahoku's body at a research facility on Binthu, to all the experiments that had been done with the Thorian and with Rachni, to finding Toombs on Ontarom.

_To Akuze._

She gripped the pistol tightly to keep her hands from shaking and forced herself to take a deep breath. Her nostrils flared as she exhaled slowly.

"Look," Taylor's demeanor was placating, "I'd be suspicious too, but first let's get off this station. I'll take you to the Illusive Man, he'll explain everything."

"I'm not working with the terrorists responsible for luring Alliance marines into thresher nests or for using hapless civilians for their experiments," Shepard spat, raw anger coursing through her veins.

Taylor held up his hands. "Tell that to the boss. I'm sure he'll explain everything to you. The shuttle bay isn't far off anymore. Just through the hall, down a flight of stairs and through a cargo room."

Wilson began hacking the door, assuring her they were almost there. The door slid open, revealing a dark-haired woman. Her eyes narrowed as soon as she spotted them.

"Miranda!" Wilson exclaimed. "But you were -"

A shot sounded and Wilson slumped to the ground. The woman, Shepard assumed it was Miranda, stood over him. "Dead?" she finished.

Shepard instantly trained her pistol on Miranda as she informed them that Wilson was the traitor that had hacked security, killed the staff, and surely would have tried to kill Shepard if left alive.

"And I've spent too much time bringing you back to let that happen," the Cerberus officer stated clearly. "Now let's get to the shuttle."

"Yeah," Shepard muttered. "I've had enough of this station to last a lifetime."

"Or two, in your case," Miranda countered. "Come on."

Shepard stopped again before getting into the shuttle and turned to Miranda. "You're the director of Lazarus Project aren't you?"

"Yes," she answered. "I put two years of my life into it. Into you. And Cerberus spent a virtually unlimited amount of credits to make it possible."

"Why? And what does Cerberus want from me?" Shepard made no attempt to hide the venom in her voice when she named the human-centric organization.

"You'll have to ask the Illusive Man when you talk to him," Miranda told her as she boarded the shuttle.

"And where are we going?" Shepard asked, one foot on the threshold.

"Another Cerberus Station, Commander. The Illusive Man wants to talk to you."

Nick hesitated a fraction of a second before climbing aboard. She didn't like it, but she had little other choice. Sitting down opposite from Miranda she leaned back and looked out of the window while Jacob started the shuttle. The sound of Jacob sitting down next to Miranda pulled her out of her thoughts, and she turned to face the Cerberus operatives when Miranda insisted she answer questions about her past. The questions ranged from her childhood to her military career, including the Blitz and Akuze.

Shepard answered them warily, but her temper rose when Miranda asked about Akuze.

"You have no right - _no right_ , you hear me? - to ask about Akuze!" she hissed. "Fifty marines gave their life that day thanks to your precious organisation, and you have the gall to ask me questions about it?! I think not!"

To her surprise they relented, asking only one more question about whom she had appointed as human councilor.

"Captain Anderson," Shepard answered curtly.

Obviously satisfied Miranda nodded. "Yes, Captain Anderson is now Councilor Anderson, but I hear he favored military life."

A pang of guilt stirred in Shepard. She knew Anderson would always prefer military life to that of a politician. She sighed quietly, and returned her gaze back out of the window.

* * *

 

Standing in the doorway, Nick stared into the windowless room and wondered where she was supposed to meet the Illusive Man. Miranda had sent her down this way, and this had been the only open door. The room wasn't very large, and it was empty. The only noticeable thing was the circle on the ground almost at the center of the room, and the same structure just above it on the ceiling. She stepped into the circle.

When the connection to the Illusive Man was established Shepard crossed her arms in front of her, and her lips pulled into a sneer.

"Illusive Man." Disdain dripped from every syllable. "I thought I'd be meeting you face to face."

He took an infuriatingly slow drag from his cigarette. "A necessary precaution."

Shepard shifted her stance and listened while the Illusive Man told her of whole human colonies vanishing and the indication that it was somehow linked to the Reapers. She didn't like that she had to work with Cerberus, but for now she saw no alternative. For now she had an assignment and a destination.

"What was the other thing you wanted to tell me?" she inquired.

Another slow drag which made her want to swat the cigarette out of his hand. "I've found you a pilot. Someone you can _trust_." He severed the connection and she heard footsteps approaching.

"Hey Commander," a familiar voice said. "Just like old times, huh?"

She turned around and found herself face to face with Joker, momentarily lost for words. Then she said quietly, "Not quite."

The helmsman cast her an uncertain look as they walked out of the comm room.

"I'm surprised to see you here," she went on. Joker understood the unspoken question and explained how things had fallen apart after her death; how the Council and the brass continued ignoring all evidence they had about the Reapers.

"Then the Alliance grounded me, took away the thing I loved most," he continued as they walked to a large window. "Hell yeah, I joined Cerberus. They brought you back, they're letting me fly, and then there's this."

The lights outside the window turned on, one after the other, revealing a large hangar with a single vessel.

"Wow," Shepard whispered at the sight of the shiny, new frigate. She was larger than the Normandy - about half the size again, Nick noticed right away, but Cerberus had kept the turian design. For some reason she found that amusing.

A small smile played on her lips as she turned to her helmsman. "Guess we'll have to give her a name."

* * *

 

An hour later Shepard sat in the shuttle to Freedom's Progress together with Miranda and Jacob.

"We collect all data we can find," she reminded them as they got ready to disembark the shuttle. "And help any survivors we come across."

The colony seemed deserted at first, but as they stood outside the shuttle sounds of shots being fired reached their ears. Shepard pulled the shotgun she had picked out on the station earlier. It wasn't as good as her old HMWSG X, but it was better than nothing.

They passed through the first prefab to the yard below their landing place, and carefully approached the next door. It opened to reveal two hostile LOKI mechs on a balcony opposite of the door and a total of four more mechs on their side. The FENRIS mechs proved to be challenging, but at last all mechs were disabled, and Shepard turned to Miranda.

"You're a sentinel?"

The Cerberus officer gave her a strange look. "Is that a problem, Shepard?"

Nick shook her head, heading towards the next prefab. "Not at all, I like to have a sentinel along. It seems to suit me."

They continued along the balcony and entered a building - and stumbled upon several quarians huddled around an omnitool. The quarians pulled their weapons instantly when a familiar voice intervened.

"Prazza! You said you'd let me handle this!" Tali pushed the other quarian's weapon away and turned to face them. "Shepard?!" Disbelief colored her voice.

She seemed, perhaps rightfully so, skeptical until Shepard reminded her of the geth data she had let Tali give to the quarians. Tali let them know that there had been a quarian on pilgrimage here, and they were trying to get to him. He was injured, possibly delirious and probably responsible for all mechs acting hostile.

"Well, perfect," Shepard said. She glanced around. "He's the only one that witnessed what happened here. We should team up."

Tali agreed.

They set out for the warehouse where the quarian was hiding, but hadn't got very far before they were set upon by a number of assault called over the comm just as they finished them off to let them know Prazza and the others had rushed ahead against her orders to reach Veetor first and were now up against a heavy mech that he had reprogrammed.

"They did want to get to Veetor first," Miranda commented drily.

Shepard nodded and ducked behind a row of crates, waiting for Tali to open the loading bay doors. The sounds of the quarians came closer as the heavily armored YMIR mech drove them back. She shook her head at the scene before her. The quarians weren't using any tactic. They failed to get in cover, or to work as a team. Even if this was a tough opponent, they should have been able to take it down.

She ordered her team to move in. With satisfaction she saw that both Miranda and Jacob had taken cover already. Nevertheless, they were too late to save the quarians.

_Served them right._

Miranda sent an Overload at the mech, but its shields were strong. Shepard peeked around her cover. She frowned, and considered switching weapons. The mech was still too far off to use her shotgun efficiently. A high, whistling sound caught her attention and she sprinted to behind a different box just as a grenade hit her prior hiding spot. The blast made her stumble.

 _That's what you get for not shooting anyway, Shepard_ , she admonished herself as she scrambled into cover, firing as rapidly as she could at the advancing mech.

Once they got the mech's shields and armor down, finishing it off went quickly. They stayed in cover as it crumpled together until it exploded. When they dust and smoke cleared they emerged from cover and entered the warehouse.

Inside a quarian was sitting in front of a surveillance console watching the monitors and muttering incoherently to himself about monsters and having to hide. He didn't react when Shepard hailed him by name, but kept mumbling. _Injured and possibly delirious_. She frowned. Her patience was running low and she was tempted to shoot at the monitors to get his attention, but she also felt sorry for the young quarian and wondered what he had seen. Nick took a deep breath and activated her omnitool, hoping she remembered a jamming sequence Kaidan had taught her correctly.

The screens went dark.

Veetor stood up and quickly turned to face them, babbling confusedly when he saw they were human. Her brow furrowed with annoyance as she listened to him. The young quarian stopped talking for a brief moment, and activated his omnitool. "I can show you."

They watched the footage he had captured showing humans being brought away by Collectors after being stung by what Veetor called seekers. Shepard knew she needed this data; it was important. She agreed to send Veetor back to the quarians with Tali in exchange for the data, and returned to the shuttle.


	38. Orders

The shuttle landed with a soft thump and Shepard jumped out, not bothering to wait for the two Cerberus operatives as she headed for the QEC. She wanted to get the debriefing with the Illusive Man done as quickly as possible. She curled her hands into fists she stepped inside the holographic projector and fought to keep her face neutral as the Illusive Man's figure appeared.

"Shepard. Good work on Freedom's Progress," the Illusive Man greeted her. She merely nodded in return, waiting for him to continue. "The quarians have forwarded the intel from Veetor's debriefing. No new data, but it was a surprising olive branch given our history."

"What about the data from his omni-tool?" Shepard interrupted.

The Illusive Man took a drag from his cigarette. "It's still being analyzed. But more importantly you've confirmed that the Collectors are behind the abductions."

Crossing her arms in front of her, Nick stared at the Cerberus Leader. "Why do I get the feeling you knew about them already? You seem very unsurprised."

"I had my suspicions," he confirmed, "but I needed proof. They periodically travel the Terminus Systems exchanging their technology for seemingly unimportant items. When their transactions are complete they disappear back beyond the unmapped Omega 4 relay. "

"Unmapped? Why is the Omega 4 relay unmapped?"

"Because no vessel apart from Collector vessels have ever returned from beyond. The relay reacts differently to Collector vessels than to others, and if they can manipulate relays that is just further proof they're working together with the Reapers." The Illusive Man took another drag from his cigarette, his cybernetic eyes lingering on Shepard. "Why they have begun abducting human colonists in large numbers is another question. If they're agents for the Reapers their interest in humans could have to do with the defeat of Sovereign, but it doesn't explain the abductions."

"And just how do we know they're working with the Reapers?" Shepard inquired.

The Illusive Man leaned back in his seat. "The patterns are there, hidden in the data. The Council and the Alliance want to believe that the threat ended with Sovereign, but you and I know better. We need to take the fight to them. I've compiled a list of soldiers, scientists and mercenaries. You'll get dossiers-"

"I had a good team, a team that I trusted. You have your spies everywhere, so you probably know where I might find them." Shepard batted down the sinking feeling in her gut. It looked as if she would have to work with Cerberus for some time yet, especially if the Reapers were really involved and neither the Alliance nor the Council believed them to be a threat anymore. So far she had hesitated to ask about her old team, but now she couldn't resist anymore and asked about Garrus and Liara before getting to the one person foremost on her thoughts. "Where is Kaidan Alenko?"

Her heart thudded loudly in her ears while she waited for a reply. Perhaps it was her imagination, but she thought there was a flicker in his eyes, as if she had just unwillingly confirmed something. Lifting her chin a little higher she stared at the Illusive Man defiantly. He took another drag from his cigarette, watching her closely. "Commander Alenko is still with the Alliance. His files are surprisingly well-classified."

_But you know his rank, Illusive Asshole._

Nick exhaled slowly, barely listening to the Illusive Man telling - _no, ordering_ , she thought annoyed - her to head to Omega to recruit a salarian scientist. She turned and left the QEC, heading for the docking bay.

A scowl appeared on her face when she saw Miranda and Jacob waiting to intercept her before she boarded the Normandy SR-2 for the first time. Shepard let her eyes run over the new ship once more before stepping past the Cerberus operatives into Normandy's airlock. She was definitely a beauty, but the large black and yellow Cerberus emblem left a bitter taste in Nick's mouth.

Another Cerberus symbol met her eye as soon as she stepped aboard. An odd mixture of reluctance and desperation shot through when she saw the logo again and again on the uniforms of the crew as she walked towards the CIC. Her eyes darted from one symbol to the next, her hands curling to fists, resisting the urge to touch the N7 logo on her armor. She wanted to get off this station as quick as possible, but she did _not_ want to be on a Cerberus vessel.

_You're out of luck with that, Shepard._

"Welcome aboard the new Normandy, Commander," Jacob said as they reached the CIC. It was unusually bright compared to the Combat Information Centers on Alliance ships and Shepard squinted, missing the dimmed lights she was accustomed to.

Miranda took a step towards Shepard, datapad in hand. "I've been looking at the dossiers. I strongly recommend we go to Omega and contact Mordin Solus, the salarian scientist," she declared in a superior tone. "He would be a useful asset in finding a countermeasure to the seeker swarms."

"No. This ship was put under my command, and it will go where I say when I say," Shepard replied, her eyes cold as ice as she turned them on the Cerberus officer. A voice in her head told her it was a foolish, spiteful reaction, but she shut it down quickly.

"Operative Lawson makes a valid point, Shepard," a voice interrupted from above.

Nick froze, her eyes darting around for the source. "Who the fuck are you?"

A holo popped up behind her and she turned to look at it, raising an eyebrow.

"I'm the Normandy's artificial intelligence. The crew refer to me as EDI."

_An_ AI _? A fucking AI?_

Anger washed over Nick like a raging hurricane. "You have got to be fucking kidding me," she growled. "I spent months of my life fighting rogue AIs - mostly geth, then that incident on Luna - and now I'm supposed to say "Hey, lovely, I have an AI on my ship!"? I don't fucking think so."

"Your distrust is logical, Shepard," EDI responded. "However, I am no threat to you or any member of the crew. I observe and offer analysis and advice. Nothing more." The holo disappeared, leaving Shepard staring at an empty spot.

_I need to be alone._

She turned to Miranda and snapped, "Where's my cabin?"

The Cerberus operative told her, and Shepard stalked towards the elevator, ignoring any further remarks. She just wanted to get away from them. A sense of being trapped rushed over her and she all but stormed off of the elevator when the doors opened to a spacious cabin.

Nick stopped short and looked around in disbelief.

Her eyes were drawn to the large, empty fishtank dominating a large part of the wall as she walked into the cabin. Then her gaze wandered to the king size bed and the skylight above before they moved on, taking in more of the cabin. Finally her eyes landed on the desk, an empty picture frame catching her attention.

Why was an empty picture frame on the desk?

Tentatively she stepped closer. The holo in the frame flickered to life, and her breath caught in her throat.

_Kaidan._

She swayed as a cascade of emotions ran through her. The anger that seemed to be lurking under her skin ever since she woke up boiled up again as she stood rooted to the floor, her mind revolving around _How?_ and _Who?._

_How could they know? Who had put this here?_

_Why did they put it there?_

The skin at the nape of neck her tingled as though she was being watched while she looked at the image. It was by no means a good picture of Kaidan. He looked stern, but the lighting emphasized his cheekbones and jawline perfectly. Nick wanted nothing more than to want her fingers along both, preferably the real thing. How could she have been dead for two years if even just an image of him made her feel so strongly?

"Joker?" Shepard ordered, pushing the comm button and hoping her voice wouldn't betray her as she shook herself out of her reverie. "Set course for the Citadel."

With an enormous effort she pulled her eyes away from his image and sat down at the desk, opening her personal terminal and pulling up the dossiers. She would have plenty of time to read them while they were en route to the Citadel.

* * *

"Do you think it's true, Steve?" Anderson asked, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "With _Cerberus_?"

Hackett sighed and sat down opposite of his longtime friend. "I'm just as skeptical as you are, Dave, but we've received several anonymous messages all containing the same data in the past five days. The last hint, if you want to call it that, came in yesterday together with security footage from Freedom's Progress."

The Admiral turned to the vid screen and showed the security footage to the human councilor. A very clear image of Shepard appeared, and he paused the recording.

"I'm afraid it is her. Or, it looks exactly like her, apart from the scars," Hackett said quietly.

Anderson nodded slowly, walking towards the vid screen. It looked very much like Veronika Shepard. Her hair was shorter, and, as Hackett had mentioned, her old scars were missing, but other than that it was her face. He frowned, and turned around. "Could it be a clone?

"Possibly," Hackett admitted. "Or she could be brainwashed. Neither option sounds promising, but I can't picture Shepard working for Cerberus."

"No, not with the history she has with them." Anderson tipped his chin thoughtfully. "Could she be held against her will?"

The two men sat silently for a moment considering the options.

"There is one more thing," Hackett said breaking the brooding silence. "Along with this footage a note arrived mentioning that Cerberus is showing particular interest in the colony of Horizon. I believe we should send somebody there, considering they've shown interest in all colonies that have been attacked recently."

Anderson looked up. "Do you have somebody in mind?"

Hackett looked slightly guilty. "I think we should send someone from her old crew, either First Lieutenant Williams or Staff Commander Alenko."

Anderson nodded again, walking back to his desk. "Horizon is one of the fringe colonies that was recently refitted with GARDIAN laser turrets, if I'm informed correctly." He opened his notifications. "That could give us an excuse to send someone there under the pretext of the outreach program." He paused. "If we want to get Shepard to go there, then I suggest sending Alenko."

"You think the rumors that went around after her death were true?" Hackett looked thoughtful.

The younger man shrugged. "Possibly. But that aside, he is also the more proficient soldier. As far as I know he just started the N5 tier at N-School."

They looked at each other and silently reached an agreement. Hackett nodded.

"I'll send for Alenko."

* * *

Voices drifted from the small kitchen when Kaidan opened the door of the apartment he and Ashley shared on the Citadel a few days later. He sighed. Knowing Ashley, she would want to drag him out and try to hook him up with every single man and woman she spotted. Well, not every, but sometimes it seemed that way.

The only time he had caved in was when she had insisted he go out with a friend of hers the last time he'd been on the Citadel, mainly because it was a _guy_. Sure, the doctor had been good looking and pleasant to talk to, but he hadn't gone looking for a new possible relationship.

"Hey, Ash!" he called by way of greeting and headed to his room.

She stuck her head out of the kitchen, closing her omnitool. "Hey! I thought you were in Rio for another week yet to finish your N5 training?"

"Normally yeah, but I got orders from Hackett to meet with Anderson tomorrow." Kaidan shrugged. "So here I am. Guess making N5 is put on hold," he added, not hiding his disappointment.

"You're such an overachiever," his friend said with a grin.

"Am not," Kaidan countered.

He had never expected to be invited to N-School, but he was determined to do his best. The training had helped him keep much of his sanity over the past two years, mainly because it pushed him to the brink of exhaustion; nightmares were scarce then. The other thing that had kept him sane was his friendship with Ashley. She was always there to drag him back on his feet. He knew a lot of people thought they were more than friends since they lived together, but he was used to ignoring the comments by now.

Ashley snorted. "Says the person that made it from Lieutenant-Commander to Staff Commander in just over a year. Keep it up like this, and you'll have to add another bar on your uniform within a year."

Kaidan laughed. "Right."

He tossed his bag on his bed and went back to the kitchen. He opened the fridge and frowned at the lack of content. A case of beer, and little else.

"I just got here an hour ago, Kaidan," Ash explained. "We can either go out or order some food."

"Order," Kaidan replied, closing the refrigerator and grabbing a flyer for take-out food. There was no use in stocking up as there was a big chance neither of them would be there more than a few days. "That way I can take a long, hot shower without you complaining that you want to get going." He dodged the kick she aimed at him and grinned.

The next morning Kaidan went to Anderson's office for the meeting with a strange feeling churning in his gut. He couldn't help but wonder about what he should expect. People weren't called away from N-training unless it was really important.

The Presidium lay quiet as he got out of the rapid transit shuttle and he let his gaze wander over the Presidium lake and the surrounding paths and frowned. There wasn't any kind of reminder of the Battle of the Citadel two years prior. While he fully understood the urge to get things back to normal this had a flavor of downright denial. All over the Citadel any hint of the Reapers had quickly been discarded and both the Council and Alliance brass brushed any mention of them to the side. For them it was always the geth.

_Only, it wasn't_.

Kaidan couldn't understand how both the Alliance and the Council could be so focused on the geth and ignore the Reaper threat completely.

_God, you'd hate how they dealt with things the past two years, Nick._

His brow was still furrowed with concentration when he reached the embassies and he barely registered the asari at the front desk waving him through. It was only when Kaidan reached the office door that he stopped. Taking a deep breath and straightening his uniform one last time he knocked and stepped into Anderson's office.

"Commander." Anderson rose from his chair holding out a hand. Kaidan shook it before sitting down. "Glad you could make it so quickly," the former Alliance Captain continued. "Admiral Hackett will be here shortly, and then we'll begin the debrief. Coffee?" Anderson gestured at the coffee machine and poured a mug.

"Thank you, sir." Kaidan took the mug, shaking his head at the offered creamer and sugar.

"Commander." A voice sounded from the door. Kaidan rose and turned around to face Admiral Hackett. "Good to see you. Has the Councillor told you why you are here?"

Kaidan shook his head. "No, sir. I only arrived shortly before you."

A while later he left the office again with his new orders, and they did nothing to allay his unease. Something about it rubbed him the wrong way, but he couldn't put his finger on it. All the way back to the small apartment his thoughts ran in circles.

"I'm supposed to supervise the refitting of the colony on Horizon with GARDIAN turrets and function as liaison officer between the colonists and the Alliance, and I have absolutely no idea _why_ ," he declared as soon as he closed the apartment door, disbelief coloring every word.

"Horizon?" Ashley repeated. "That's in the Attican Traverse."

"Yep."

She frowned at him. "I don't think that's going to be a very enjoyable assignment. The Alliance isn't exactly welcome on those backwater colonies. I should know. I spent half my life in places like that."

"There's more yet," he put in. "Apparently the Alliance has intel that Cerberus is showing interest in Horizon - ."

"And you're supposed to keep an eye out?" she finished for him. "Kaidan, that kinda stinks. Watch your back."

"I know. I will." He met his friend's worried gaze with a matching frown. Ash was right. The Alliance wasn't welcome on many colonies in the Traverse, and being a biotic would probably make him even less welcome, but that was something he was used to. He could deal with it.


	39. Horizon

The past two months had been unbelievable. Shepard would have never imagined finding Garrus turned vigilante on Omega, or recruiting a convict from a high security prison and having to fight her way out, or having a master thief on her crew.

But least of all would she have expected to become friends with Miranda.

She really wasn't sure how _that_ had happened.

Her thoughts still lingered on her unlikely friendship when she opened the galaxy map, pushing past Kelly Chambers without listening to what the yeoman said to her.

She didn't trust Chambers.

Almost immediately Joker interrupted her. "Commander, the Illusive Man is on the comm. He's says it's urgent. I'm patching him to the comm room."

"Isn't it always?" She grumbled, stepping away from the galaxy map again and heading to the comm room instead. She just hoped it was some useful information.

"Shepard, I think we have them," the Illusive Man began. "Horizon, one of our colonies in the Terminus systems, just went silent. Has Mordin discovered a countermeasure to the seeker swarms?"

"Not yet," she answered.

"Let's hope he works well under pressure. They aren't under attack yet, but they will be soon. There's something else you should know." He took a long drag from his cigarette and exhaled slowly. "One of your former crew is stationed on Horizon."

"Oh?" she wondered. "Who?"

"Kaidan Alenko."

Her breath caught in her throat and she crossed her arms in front of her to mask her nervousness.

"I thought he was still Alliance. What is he doing out in the Terminus systems?" she asked, keeping her voice casual as possible while her heart thudded hard in her chest.

"Officially," the Illusive Man informed her, "it's an outreach program to improve Alliance relations with the colonies."

"And I'm supposed to believe that the Collectors are targeting a colony with one of my former crew by accident?" Shepard scoffed.

"It shouldn't surprise you that the Collectors take interest in you or your … friends. Especially if they are working for the Reapers. They might be going after him to get to you." He watched her reaction like a cat watches a mouse.

Nick shivered at the pause he made before the word ' _friends'_.

"Send the coordinates. We'll check it out," she replied tonelessly before stepping out of the QEC and walking briskly towards the helm.

"Joker, set a course for Horizon ASAP." She couldn't quite hide the quiver in her voice. "And tell me our ETA."

Her helmsman cast a short glance at her. "Aye, aye," he confirmed, punching in the command. "ETA twenty hours. Any special reason?"

_Twenty hours - too long._

"Collector attack," she answered curtly. "Is there any way we can shorten our ETA?"

Joker turned his chair to look at her fully. "What's the real reason, Commander?"

Shepard hesitated. "Kaidan's there," she whispered.

"Commander," EDI interrupted. "It is possible to reach Horizon within sixteen hours, though it isn't advisable."

Biting her lip Shepard nodded. "Noted. Do it." Now she had to go speak with Mordin. Hopefully he'd made progress on finding a countermeasure.

* * *

Kaidan rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the output his omnitool showed. Not only was the targeting matrix for the turret was down again, but so was the colony's communications system. It made no sense. No matter how often he calibrated the settings there was always some kind of failure, and he had checked every circuit more than once. He frowned. Every day a new problem came up. The defense towers were useless like this.

 _Sabotage,_ a voice whispered in his head.

With a silent curse on his lips he passed one of the mechanics, ignoring the hostile look the man cast after him, and searched for one of the few people that had actually tried to help during the past six weeks.

"Lilith," he called out when he spotted the civilian engineer, "we have a problem."

She fell in step beside him. "Still can't calibrate the targeting matrix?"

He let out an annoyed snort, glancing up at the offending turrets. "The towers are absolutely useless without it. We have to figure it out."

Lilith shook her head. "Sorry, Commander, but getting the comm systems online again takes priority."

"Right. Of course." He stopped. "I'm surprised people haven't tried blaming that on me yet."

"It's nothing personal. People out here just don't trust the Alliance," she replied.

A low rumbling sound much like thunder caught their attention. Kaidan looked up, and slowly reached for his assault rifle.

"What is that?" he asked himself quietly, peering through the magnifying scope of his rifle.

Lilith echoed the same question almost at the same time, only louder. A ship of enormous size and unknown build came into view, emitting black clouds of some sort. An ominous feeling sent shivers down his back.

"Get everyone to the safehouse," he ordered, keeping his eyes on the advancing black clouds.

_Insects? Were those clouds of insects?_

Kaidan turned briefly to see if the colonists were following his order and getting to safety when he felt a sting on his neck. His hand shot up to grab one of the … _beetles_ that had suddenly swarmed around them. Snarling, he tossed it to the ground and helped a fallen colonist before turning his attention back to the unknown ship and the swarm of bugs coming from it.

Suddenly moving became impossible as the venom of the seekers began to work. Paralyzed, Kaidan could only hear shouting that suddenly broke off replaced by the annoying buzzing of the seeker swarms, and even that grew quieter until it died down all together. The ship had disappeared out of his view, but he could still hear its rumbling.

Straining all his muscles he tried to force himself to move again and again as time passed.

Horrified he watched as unknown creatures passed him and began dragging away colonists, wondering when they were going to come for him. He thought he heard the sound of a shuttle in the distance, but the sound faded so quickly again that he was certain it had been his imagination. He was alone. Once more he pushed himself and something stirred within him.

_Use your biotics._

Kaidan felt the urge to giggle hysterically. Use the force, Luke, he thought as he let his instincts take over. His biotics seemed to crawl slowly under his skin, feeling sluggish and unfamiliar, as if it had to push barriers away.

Just as suddenly as paralysis had set in, his biotics flared brightly around Kaidan and he stumbled to the ground. His heart pounded in his chest as if he had just run a mile in full armor and adrenaline rushed through his veins. Then he looked around, and his heart plummeted.

The colony looked deserted.

* * *

 

Nervously Nick paced the small space of the shuttle, thinking back to her meeting with Anderson on the Citadel. She couldn't beat the feeling that he had stonewalled her on purpose. The thought alone enraged her. Why didn't he trust her?

_Because you came there with two Cerberus operatives, on a Cerberus ship._

Garrus and Miranda watched her silently until the turian stirred.

"I'm sure we'll make it on time, Shepard." he told her just as the shuttle touched down.

She nodded, punched the panel for the hatch harder than necessary, and jumped onto Horizon's surface. Her eyes drifted upwards along the collector ship looming over the colony. It was huge. She swallowed, gripping her rifle so hard her knuckles turned white.

"Mordin," she called over her radio, trying her best to ignore the eerie silence of the colony. There was barely a sound to be heard, just the buzzing of insects. _Or seeker swarms_. "Are you sure these armor upgrades will protect us from the seeker swarms?"

" _Certainty impossible_ ," the salarian answered. " _But in limited numbers, should confuse detection, make us invisible to swarms._ " Mordin paused, and then added, " _In theory._ "

Miranda snorted. "In theory?"

" _Experimental technology. Only test is contact with seeker swarms. Look forward to seeing if you survive,_ " came the answer.

Shepard shook her head. "Well, if we don't then TIM spent all his credits for nothing," she murmured under her breath, carefully peering around a corner and sweeping the area with a practiced gaze. It looked clear. She rounded the corner and narrowed her eyes as she spotted hostiles approaching. Sprinting towards a half wall she ducked into cover, pulling her sniper rifle.

"Miranda! At one o'clock!" Shepard called, the tango in her crosshairs. Miranda reacted promptly and weakened the collector's barrier with an Overload, so Shepard could take it down. Garrus had done the same with another opponent.

Once the area was clear they moved on cautiously, passing through another clearing on the outskirts of the colony and the first pre-fabs came into sight. More Collectors appeared as Shepard and her ground team approached the housings.

Shepard had switched to her shotgun, as the terrain made it difficult for sniping, and now she fired one powerful shot after the other. Her eyes widened at the sight of husks coming at her.

She hated husks.

Their constant screeching mouths wide open as they stumbled towards her with outstretched hands made her blood freeze. Garrus and Miranda were both busy fighting a pair of Collector Guardians, they couldn't help her. Pulling a grenade from her belt and priming it was one, and she lobbed it at the husks. Quickly she ducked behind a crate to avoid the blast and waited, holding her breath.

The shuffling sound of more husks reached her ears, and she popped out of cover, her shotgun at the ready. Grim satisfaction spread through her as her first shot hit the husk in its face and its head exploded. The second one she caught square in its chest, sending it wheeling backwards before it crumpled to the ground.

"These husks look different than the ones I remember, Shepard," Garrus commented, rolling one of the husks on it's back with a foot.

"We haven't seen any dragon teeth yet either," Shepard replied, frowning down at the dead husk. "And you're right. These look … improved."

Miranda stepped next to her. "Then the Collector's brought the husks along and are taking the colonists alive. The question is, why?"

"Experiments, maybe? It won't be anything good, that's for sure," Shepard said quietly, not liking the thought of the colonists being used as lab rats.

As they continued their way through the colony they engaged in a number of close quarter fights, but there still was no sign of any colonists. A growing doubt gnawed at Nick. She cast a withering look at a swarm of seekers passing overhead. At least Mordin's countermeasure seemed to work. After passing through more deserted pre-fabs with data pads lying casually tossed aside and food and drink on the tables her worries grew ever stronger.

"It's like on Freedom's Progress," Miranda pointed out voicing Shepard's fears. "The entire colony is gone."

_No, no, NO._

Anger and fear constricted her throat and Shepard growled, "No. There has to be somebody alive yet here."

A short time later they stumbled across several colonists caught in some kind of stasis field, but at least they were alive. They pressed on, encountering another wave of Collectors.

" _Commander Shepard, my attacks will tear you apart_ ," a voice droned, startling them. " _We are your genetic destiny!_ "

"What the hell?" Shepard said, pointing a heavy weapon at one of the Collectors and fired. "Genetic destiny my ass. And how does buggy know my name?" she called to her squad.

"Not a clue!" Garrus answered, sending an Overload at a hostile and then firing a volley. Further banter was cut short by the arrival of more Collectors. Nick swore under her breath as she jumped over a half-wall and ducked in cover as a particle beam passed over her head and burned into the wall she had hidden behind earlier, leaving an acrid stench in its wake.

Another Collector appeared in the doorway of a pre-fab forcing Nick to execute a combat roll in order to get behind cover again before shooting at her target. Eventually the last hostile had been taken care of, and Shepard motioned for her team to move out. They crossed the yard and reached a locked door. She frowned.

_Omni-gel would be nice right now._

"Garrus," Shepard called over her shoulder, "can you get this door open?"

"Still don't know how to hack a lock, Shepard?" he asked exasperated.

"Shut up, Vakarian."

Gripping her rifle tightly she watched her friend hack the lock with ease, and they entered the dark, cool building. Descending a flight of steps Shepard heard a shuffling sound at the far end of the room.

"Get out here!" she ordered. "Now!"

A man peeked around what looked like a large cooling system, and then stepped slowly out of cover.

"You're human!" the man exclaimed. "What are you doing?! You'll lead them right here!"

"Lead them here?" Shepard snorted. "You can calm down. The Collectors knew you were here and thanks to us the ones in front of that door are all dead now." She pointed over her shoulder with her thumb.

The man paled. "Collectors? You mean … they're real? I thought they were just made up. Propaganda to keep us in Alliance Space." He shook his head. "No, I saw them take Lilith. And Sten. They took damn near everybody!"

"Tell me about the attack," Shepard interrupted.

"We lost our comm signals a few hours ago. I came down to check on the main grid when I heard the screaming start. I looked outside and there were swarms of bugs and everyone they touched just … froze. I sealed the doors." He paced the floor. "Damn, it's the Alliances fault! They made us a target stationing that Commander Alenko here and building the defense towers."

"Why do you think this is the Alliances fault?" Shepard asked, unconsciously gripping her shotgun tightly. She didn't like the condescending way the man talked about Kaidan. "And what was Commander Alenko's job here?"

The mechanic waved his hand dismissively. "We're just a small colony. Nobody was interested in us before the Alliance came with their outreach program and installed those defense towers. Alenko was supposed to help us get them up and running, but I'm sure he was spying on us."

Shepard asked some more about the defense towers before concluding, "If you have defenses we can use them against the Collector ship."

"You'd have to calibrate the targeting system first. It's never worked right. Leave it to the Alliance to build something that doesn't work and send somebody that can't fix it," Delan snorted.

Shepard glared at him. This guy was asking for a punch in the throat. Kaidan knew his stuff. If he couldn't find the problem it was either very well hidden or sabotage. The thought chilled her.

"Just give us the fucking location," she snapped.

The colonist took a step back and pointed at the door opposite of the one they had passed through. "Head for the main transmitter on the other side of the colony. Pretty hard to miss. The targeting controls are at the base." He activated his omnitool. "I'll let you out, but I'm locking the door after you. I'm not taking any chances."

"So you can go on hiding in here like the coward you are? I really like how you deprived other colonists of the chance to hide here with you," Shepard snarled. "Just stay out of my fucking way."

Whatever Delan was going to answer one look at Shepard's face was enough to make him change his mind. "Yeah," he said instead. "That's what I was thinking, too. Good luck. I think you'll need it."

They hard barely stepped outside when the door sealed behind them again. Nick snorted dismissively and turned her attention to the inner courtyard they had to cross. And the hostiles in it. She took cover and switched her shotgun for her sniper rifle. The Collectors hadn't noticed them yet. With a satisfied grin Shepard scoped her target, and fired.

Something that looked like a mutated abomination, its head angled strangely to the side with a large lump that reminded Nick briefly of krogan shoulder humps, dropped into the yard along with a number of husks. Nick ordered Garrus and Miranda to keep the husks and Collectors off her back while she zoned in on the scion.

Passing through more deserted pre-fabs they came to another locked gate. Shepard nodded at Miranda and stepped aside while the other woman hacked the lock. The doors slid open, granting them a clear view of the main transmitter. It looked easy to reach. Too easy. Cautiously they entered the large courtyard, leery of any hostile lurking behind the stacks of tires and crates. A number of hostiles appeared at the far end of the yard, and Shepard sprinted to a balcony to her left that granted cover and a good view of her targets.

As soon as all hostiles were terminated Shepard headed for the main transmitter and activated it. She radioed the Normandy, "EDI, bring the defense towers online. Time to show we give as good as we get."

" _Errors in the calibration software are easily rectified, but it will take time bringing the towers to full power. I will not be able to mask the increased generator output. A defensive posture is recommended_ ," the AI replied.

"Noted. Anything else?" Shepard inquired.

" _Enemy forces are closing in. I suggest you ready weapons._ "

The Collectors seemed hell bent on stopping them from bringing the defense towers online, throwing every possible opponent at them. The battle raged on while EDI updated them on the status of the GARDIAN defense towers. Finally the anti-ship batteries were fully powered and the defense towers began firing at the Collector ship, forcing it to retreat.

Nick ran her hand through her hair, breathing hard.

"No!" The mechanic Delan came running. "You can't just let them get away! Half the colony is on there. Do something!"

Shepard turned around, her eyes cold as ice. " _Do something?!_ What more do you expect me to do, huh? I did my fucking best while you hid in that damned bunker."

"You did indeed, Shepard," Miranda pointed out.

"Shepard? I know that name," Delan said slowly. "Sure, I remember. You're some kind of big Alliance hero."

Before Shepard could reply footsteps approached, and the husky voice she had been aching to hear again ever since waking up on Lazarus station spoke as Kaidan stepped into view, "Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy, first human spectre, saviour of the Citadel." Kaidan glanced at the colonist. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan." He paused, and then added more softly, "and a ghost."

Amber eyes searched her face while the colonist walked away, railing against the Alliance. Her hand moved up on its own accord to touch the angry, red scars on her face, scars he didn't know. Dr. Chakwas had offered more than once to seal them, but she had always denied. Now she wished she hadn't. Biting her lip she walked tentatively towards him.

 _Kiss him_. _Kiss him. Kiss him_ , a voice repeated in her head.

"Kaidan," she whispered as he embraced her. Relief washed over her. _He was alive_. He smelled of armor polish, sweat and ozone, as if he had just shortly used his biotics; he smelled of combat, and all she wanted to do was bury her nose in the crook of his neck and inhale that familiar scent again and again. "I'm so glad you're alive."

He tensed in her arms and stepped back, a shadow spreading over his face. "Speaking of alive, I thought you were dead." His voice was strained as his gaze flicked over to Garrus and then to Miranda, his eyes narrowing. "We all did."

"It's complicated," Nick began.

"Complicated?" Kaidan scoffed. "You show up after two years, and all you have to say is, it's _complicated_? How could you me through this? I loved you, Shepard. Why didn't you let me know you were alive?" The pain in his voice made her flinch.

"I wasn't even conscious!" she defended herself, snapping at him more than intended and jabbing a finger at her chest. A cold feeling slowly spread in her gut. "I spent two years on a slab in some kind of coma while Cerberus patched me back together. And Anderson stonewalled me when I asked about you!"

Nick knew instantly that she had made a mistake mentioning Cerberus. She saw how Kaidan clenched his jaw at the name of the terrorist organization. She wasn't even sure if he'd registered what she'd said about Anderson.

"Cerberus?" He took another step backwards, running a hand through his hair. "So the reports were right."

"Reports?" Miranda asked. "So much for security."

Kaidan's eyes darted to Miranda, and then back to Nick. "Alliance intel had information that Cerberus was interested in Horizon, and they suspected it had something to do with the Collector attacks. Then a few weeks ago rumors started that you were alive and working for the enemy." His amber gaze burned into her mind.

"I don't work _for_ Cerberus," Nick blustered, irritation rising. What the hell was happening? Icy dread trickled down her spine. This wasn't how she'd imagined seeing Kaidan again would go! "We happen to want the same thing - to save our colonies!"

"Maybe," Kaidan retorted with a light shrug. "Or maybe that's just what Cerberus wants you to think." He came close again, stopping shortly in front of her. "What if they're trying to manipulate you? You … You're betraying everything you fought for!"

Nick jerked back as if she had been slapped. Then she stepped closer again, her mouth a narrow line. " _What?!_ Say that again, Alenko!" she growled, ignoring the indignant comments from Garrus and Miranda. She pinched the bridge of her nose and drew a deep breath trying to calm herself. "For fucks sake, Kaidan! You _know_ me. You know I'd never do this if there weren't a different option."

Kaidan shook his head, "No. The Commander Shepard I knew would never work for Cerberus."

_He didn't believe her._

Bewildered she listened as he went on, "What if you're not even _you_? For all I know you could be a clone." A numb feeling spread through her as she stared into amber eyes full of doubt and she barely heard him say, "I have to report back."

_He thinks you're a clone._

Aghast Nick watched him turn and walk away, her voice caught in her throat. _No_. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be _._

He wouldn't just leave, not Kaidan _._

"Don't you dare walk away from me, Kaidan Alenko! I'm talking to you!" Her voice was cold and commanding when she found it again and with a considerable amount of satisfaction she watched him stop.

Kaidan turned halfway around, his gaze troubled as he looked her in the face. "I'm an Alliance soldier, I have to report back." He swallowed. "Good-by Shepard. And be careful."

Helplessly Nick gazed after him, unconsciously wiping away tears of anger that filled her eyes. She was angry at him, angry at Cerberus, angry at the Collectors, angry at herself.

"Joker?" she called over the comm, her voice shaking slightly. "Send the shuttle, I've had enough of this colony."

She had lost the most important person in her life.

She had lost Kaidan.


	40. Reflection

Kaidan kept walking, his biotics throbbed under his skin with barely contained anger with every heartbeat. He heard Shepard's pick-up call, and flinched when Joker's name fell. Garrus was with her, and Joker, and God knew who else; why hadn't she contacted him?

Or ... maybe she had?

He groaned. Why hadn't he _listened_? She _had_ mentioned meeting Anderson. But no, he had to charge straight for the word _Cerberus_ instead of letting Nick explain. Kaidan curled his hand into a fist and punched the wall of the pre-fab with a shout of frustration, his biotics flaring around him.

"You are such an idiot, Alenko," he muttered to himself, staring at his bleeding knuckles and then at the hole in the wall. With a sigh he applied medigel to his hand, flexing his fingers slowly. He typed a few short messages - to Anderson, Hackett, Ash, and his parents - before he pushed himself off the wall and began searching the colony for more survivors.

He would send a proper report once he knew more about the colony's status.

As he walked through empty building after empty building, helping anybody he found, his mind lingered on Shepard. She had _looked_ like Nick - apart from the angry, glowing scars on her face. She had walked like her, talked like her too. She had felt like Nick when they had embraced. She had smelled like her; a spicy scent of cinnamon and ginger and citrus.

The memory made him ache, and Kaidan drew a sharp breath.

His omnitool pinged once with an incoming message, disrupting his thoughts. He raised an eyebrow at the message. It was from Anderson, short and to the point.

_Return to the Citadel for a debriefing at once._

* * *

 

Nick sat motionless in the shuttle as it took her and her shore party back to the Normandy. She stared at the floor in front of her while blood pulsed and rushed through her ears, Kaidan's words resonating in her mind.

_I thought you were dead … reports you were working for Cerberus … for all I know you could be a clone …_

She gripped the edge of her seat until her knuckles turned white, her stomach churning as momentum shifted and the shuttle touched down in the shuttle bay. Standing up swiftly, she punched the controls for the hatch and jumped out of the shuttle, feeling Miranda's and Garrus gazes following her.

"Joker!" she barked, stomping towards the elevator. "Set up a connection with the Illusive Man! And I don't fucking care if he's busy or not, keep at it!"

Impatiently, Shepard waited for the elevator to take her to the next deck, stepped off of it, and headed to the comm room.

"You lying, conniving son of a bitch," she spat when the image of the Illusive Man materialized in the QEC. "You knew what was going to happen. You _knew_. Don't ever dare use my friends as bait again!"

"I didn't _know_ ," he answered, mirroring the inflection of her voice, "but it was a good guess that the Collector's would be interested in somebody connected to you, however intimately."

Her hands curled to fists and Nick forced herself to take a deep breath. This was the second time the Illusive Man had hinted at her relationship with Kaidan, and it made her blood freeze. If he did anything to harm Kaidan she was going to kill him.

"All in all, it worked out well on Horizon," he continued. "The Collectors will be more careful now, but I think we can find other ways to lure them in."

She gritted her teeth. "We lost more than half the colony, and if Mordin's countermeasure hadn't worked we would've all been fucked."

"Half the colony is better than the whole colony, Shepard. I'm sure you'll agree with that? And Mordin's scientific expertise is why he is on the Normandy, isn't it?" the Illusive Man replied cooly. "It was a calculated risk, and my suspicion that the Collectors are looking for people connected to you proved to be useful and true. They would've hit another colony eventually." He paused and took a long drag from his cigarette.

She remained silent.

"To prevent more colonies getting hit is why I'm using all my resources to get you through the Omega 4 relay. Take the fight the the Collectors. That also means that your team has to be strong and focused, the same goes for you. Can I assume you've left your past relationships behind you?" he asked, cybernetic eyes lingering on her.

"That's none of your goddamn business," she growled, wishing she could punch him.

The Illusive Man tapped the ash off his cigarette. "If it affects the mission it's better you leave it behind. Once we find a way through the Omega 4 relay there's no guarantee you'll return. You must be fully committed to this, or the chances are you will die."

Nick sneered. "I'm always fully committed in combat. How do you think I survived the Blitz, or Akuze, or any other battle I've been in? And let me worry about my team. You just get us through the relay safely." She turned to walk away and paused, looking back over her shoulder. "And keep away from my friends. If you ever use them again, I _will_ kill you."

She stalked out of the comm room, refusing to listen to the Illusive Man's reply. Fear and anger rolled through her in waves, and she felt dizzy with rage; her vision blurred and her stomach rolled. Nick swallowed and made it to the head just in time before emptying the little contents of her stomach into the toilet, heaving until nothing more than bile came up.

"Fuck," she muttered under her breath, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and closing her eyes.

Rocking back on her heels, she took a deep breath before getting up and rinsing her mouth out. She walked to her cabin and undid the safety catches of her armor, glancing at the holo of Kaidan on her desk as she let the armor pieces fall heedlessly to the floor. The tightness in her head and shoulders remained, so she changed into sweats and a t-shirt and went down to the gym.

Nick stretched and loosened her muscles before throwing her first punches which came faster and harder in time with the music blaring from her omnitool. She spun on her heel, aiming a vicious kick at the bag only to follow up with another quick succession of jabs, cross punches and hooks. Again and again she attacked, her anger pushing her forward relentlessly.

She worked her anger out until she was drenched in sweat. It ran down her face, plastering her hair to her forehead, and her shirt to her body. Tomorrow she was surely going to pay for this. She felt utterly exhausted, and her legs shook from exertion when she finally returned to her cabin to shower, letting the water batter on her skin. Weariness was ready to overwhelm her as she dried off, but she dragged herself to her bed, grabbed a bottle of liquor on her way and took a large gulp before dropping unceremoniously onto her bed.

Staring up at the skylight over her, Nick watched stars pass by. She drank the liquor straight from the bottle as she lay there focussing on the void while her thoughts traveled back to Kaidan. She tried to blink away her tears, but they rolled silently down her cheeks anyway. Finally, her eyelids drooped, and she fell into an uneasy slumber.

* * *

The door to Anderson's office closed behind Kaidan as he struggled to keep his biotics under control. They crawled under his skin like a myriad of little pin-pricks. He flexed his fingers and walked briskly to the nearest rapid transport station to wait for a skycar, discharging the static of his biotics on the metal railing.

Nick's words that she had seen Anderson had been haunting him ever since, and after his debriefing he had asked. Anderson confirmed it, and then added that he hadn't seen Shepard until after Kaidan had already been sent to Horizon.

In retrospect maybe he should have expected it to be true. Nick wouldn't lie about that. But still Kaidan was furious that he hadn't received any warning, and the reason Anderson had just given him made it even worse.

_We needed your unbiased opinion, Commander._

Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if he had been sent to Horizon with the sole purpose of _drawing_ Cerberus attention, and not just to keep an eye out for Cerberus activity.

He felt _used_.

After the skycar reached his stop Kaidan walked to his apartment, blinking in annoyance at the bright lights on his way.

The apartment was cool, dark and quiet as he stepped inside and he let out a sigh of relief. Running a hand through his hair, he went to the little bar and poured himself a double. He was just about to sit down when his omnitool showed an incoming call. Kaidan checked the caller ID and transferred the call to the vid screen.

"Hey, 'Rin," he greeted his sister.

"Kaidan, were you ever going to call mom and dad after that attack on Horizon?" His sister's tone was accusatory.

Kaidan rolled his eyes. "I sent a message."

"Yeah. 'I'm fine', that was it." It was Erin's turn to roll her eyes before letting them rest on her younger brother. "What happened on Horizon?"

"What do you want me to tell you? Of the enormity of the ship that attacked the colony? The helplessness against these goddamn stinging beetles that created a paralysis within seconds? Being able to see and hear once you got bitten, stung, whatever, but not being able to move?" He flared as his temper and voice rose simultaneously. "Seeing colonists being dragged off, and being able to do _nothing_?"

Erin watched him for a moment, and then asked quietly, "How did you survive then?"

"It wasn't my doing." There was a hint of bitterness in his voice, making it crack as he continued, "I'm not sure how much time passed until I realized I could break the paralysis using my biotics. A few minutes? An hour?" He took a sip of his whiskey. "I heard a shuttle in the distance, but at the time I thought it was just my imagination. It wasn't. Anyway, I broke the stasis with my biotics and found myself in a nearly deserted colony with the sound of combat in the distance. I followed the sound, fighting against some aliens I'd never seen before. Then the bloody defense towers that I spent weeks trying to calibrate started firing, and the sound of fighting just stopped and was replaced by people talking." He paused. "And then I saw _her_."

Kaidan watched his sister furrow her brow in confusion. "Who?"

He closed his eyes briefly. "Nick. I saw Nick."

The apartment door opened in the background and he watched Erin look past him at Ashley before she looked back at him and asked, "You saw _Nick_?"

"Are you certain it was really her?" Ash asked, stepping closer as she shrugged off her uniform jacket.

Kaidan nodded, and stood up. "Now, yes. But on Horizon I wasn't, and I fucked everything up." He glanced down at the tumbler in his hands. "We hugged and … talked, briefly. Garrus was with her, and a Cerberus operative, and I accused her of working for the enemy and betraying everything she believed in. We argued, and Nick said I knew her." Kaidan shrugged helplessly. "I replied that the woman I knew would never work for Cerberus and that maybe she was really a clone." Saying the words out loud again made him wince, realizing how hurtful they were.

"Have you apologized?" Erin's voice cut through his thoughts.

"No."

Ashley punched him hard on his arm and he shot her an incredulous look, ignoring the "Thank you, Ashley" from his sister.

"What the heck was that for?" he wondered, rubbing his arm.

"For being an insensitive prick, that's what," Ash shot at him. "You said you're sure it's Nick. If she really is, how do you think _she's_ feeling now?"

 _Hurt_ , Kaidan thought, and shame crept through him. He said goodbye to Erin, and with a short glance at Ash he took the bottle of whisky and headed to his room. They were right. He had to apologize.

* * *

Nick unscrewed the lid of the bottle again and watched as the amber liquid splashed into the tumbler, a small part of her brain telling her it was the same color as Kaidan's eyes. She gritted her teeth and glanced at the Alliance stock photo on her desk before glancing back at the whiskey in her hands. She had lost track of how many she'd already had since returning from Bekenstein with Kasumi.

"You know, Kaidan," she began, trying to sound conversational, but her voice was already slurred from the alcohol she'd consumed. "I get that you're angry with me. Really, I get it. I'd feel the same way if you'd died and then suddenly shown up after two years working with Cerberus." She hissed the name of the pro-human organisation, venom dripping from every syllable, and paused.

A light blinked on her console, distracting her for a moment until she remembered she was recording a message, just as she had every evening since Horizon. And just like the previous evenings she knew she was going to delete the message again instead of sending it.

This was getting to be habit.

_Blink._

_Blink._

_Blink._

Mesmerized Nick stared at the light before she continued speaking. "I can understand that you're upset. I understand your distrust of Cerberus, because no, I haven't forgotten what they've done. Hell, I'm even kind of proud of you for staying so true to yourself. But that's not what hurt me, Kaidan. What hurt me was the fact that you didn't listen. Not only that. You didn't even give me a chance to explain. The minute I mentioned Cerberus you started backing away from me, as if you couldn't put more distance between us quick enough."

She sniffled and went on. "Maybe Garrus is right. Maybe you're so hung up on Cerberus that you fail to see the big picture." She paused again, the words catching in her throat and she gulped down a sob with a large swallow of whiskey. The amber liquid burned its way down her throat.

"It gets worse though, Kaidan. You called me a traitor. Me. A _traitor_." She slammed her hand on the desk and growled. "Goddammit, Alenko. How _dare_ you say I betrayed you. Or the Alliance. You have no idea how hard I tried to find you, only to get stonewalled on all sides. Anderson told me your mission was classified and that he was sorry he couldn't tell me. And the Illusive Man, well, Timmy claimed that your file was - how did he put it? oh yeah - 'surprisingly well classified'." Nick let out a short, bitter laugh. "Then several weeks later he comes up with this new mission, claiming he had information of an impending Collector attack on a human colony in the Terminus, Horizon. _Horizon_ ," she repeated with a hoarse whisper, staring into the camera of her communications terminal. "And then he dropped the bombshell. He told me you were stationed there."

She choked back another sob.

"He told me you were stationed there and I was scared. I left the QEC and ordered a course to be set for Horizon immediately, I was so scared that we'd be too late and I'd never see you again. And now? Now I'm scared that I've lost you nonetheless." The tears she had been trying to hold back spilled down her cheeks now and she broke down sobbing.

_Pling!_

The sound of an incoming message grabbed her attention. With shaky hands she opened her private messages and her heart started to race when she saw it was a voice message from Kaidan.

" _Subject: About Horizon …"_

She stared blankly at the message, and pushed play. At first there was silence, only disturbed by the sound of a sharp breath being drawn, and then Kaidan spoke.

" _Nick, I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. Seeing you …God, I don't know how to put this._ " His voice sounded rough. " _It threw me in a loop, and I fucked up. I know this is no excuse, but ... I spent two years pulling myself back together after you - after you died. I loved you ... I still do, "_ he added quietly. " _It took me a long time to get over my guilt. A friend - okay, Ash - talked me into going out for a few drinks with a doctor on the Citadel, nothing serious, just … she figured I should try to have a life again, you know? Something beside the Alliance. And I hoped she'd shut up about it if I went._ "

Nick clenched her jaw, gripping the glass in her hand tightly. The knowledge of another person, man or woman, going out with Kaidan was unwelcome, and she cursed Ashley under her breath.

He cleared his throat. " _On Horizon … I couldn't believe it was you, and I'm sorry for not listening. I had spent_ two years _mourning you, and there you were standing right in front of me, but you were with Cerberus."_ Disbelief colored his voice, but no accusation. " _Do you remember anything? The night before Ilos, shore leave? I'm sorry, that was probably out of line._ " There was another pause, and she thought she heard the sound of liquid being poured into a glass.

" _Nick, please be careful. If … if you're still the woman I remember then you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. Just … watch out for yourself, okay? Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Knowing you're alive -_ " The pain in his voice was overwhelming as it dropped to a mere whisper. " _I've missed you so much. I dreamed of you being alive so often, and every time I'd wake up to nothing but emptiness. I … don't know if I can go through that again."_ Nick made a choked sound and wrapped hers arms around herself.

Silence fell, but the message wasn't over yet. After a moment Kaidan went on in a quiet voice. " _I don't know how you feel about me anymore, but … maybe we can sort this out when things settle down again . Or, maybe even earlier? I hope we can. Take care, and try to stay safe._ "

She leaned back, her heart hammering in her chest as hope bloomed. Now she just had to find a way to get a reply to Kaidan past the watchful eyes of Cerberus.


	41. Small Hopes

Several weeks had passed since Kaidan sent his apology to Nick, and he hadn't received any reply yet. He tried not to worry, but doubt gnawed at him.

 _Maybe she was_ really _pissed, and didn't want anything to do with him anymore?_

Thoughts like this never lead to anything good.

With a sigh, he forced himself to concentrate on the work at hand, trying not to speculate about _why_. He was supposed to go to to Grissom Academy to select a number of biotic recruits for a biotic special operations division, and now he had to review the dossiers of the students Kahlee Sanders and her team thought were suitable.

He had to admit, he was excited to see how the recruits were trained. These kids were lucky. The Alliance had learned their lesson from the disaster that had been BaAT and put a real effort into the Ascension Project. Kaidan hadn't been seen for himself, but so far he'd only heard good things.

Shaking off the memories of BAaT, he opened the first dossier and began reading.

Kaidan was about one third through the stack of files when his terminal announced an incoming message. Expecting a note from either Anderson or Hackett concerning his assignment he opened his notifications.

" _Re:_ _Subject: About Horizon …"_

Immediately his heart beat faster, pounding in his chest like a caged animal, and he took a deep breath. Here was the answer he had been waiting for, and now cold sweat covered his hands as he opened the message.

" _Kaidan,_ " she began, his name sounding surprisingly soft; it made his heart flutter. " _first of all sorry for not replying sooner, but things have been pretty crazy around here. Even now I don't have that much time, but I wanted to drop you a note at least. Let you know I got your message and so and ... I want to sort things out between us, too._ " There was a pause. Kaidan could picture Nick biting her bottom lip before she continued, her voice taking on a business-like tone. " _I suggest meeting the next time we dock at the Citadel, which is in five days, and then we can sit down and talk. Before I forget, be sure to send your answer to this address, and not the previous one. This one bypasses Cerberus security."_ There was another pause _, "I … should go. Talk to ya later._ "

In five days? Kaidan groaned inwardly. He would still be at Grissom Academy then. His fingers flew over the display as he quickly typed a reply.

"Nick," he wrote. "I'm sorry, but I won't be on the Citadel then. I'm shipping out to Grissom Academy tomorrow. If I'm lucky I should be back in a week." He hesitated, and added, "But I'd love to take you out for dinner when I get the chance."

Kaidan sat back feeling lighter at heart than he had in a long time. Sure, he would have liked to see Shepard when she was on the Citadel, but at least she was willing to talk to him.

His mood improved even more when he read Shepard's prompt response.

" _Dinner sounds great_."

A grin spread over his face. Maybe he hadn't screwed things up completely after all.

* * *

Smiling, Nick closed her omnitool and made a mental note to head down to engineering, where Tali had taken up post, after she had talked to Joker..

The Normandy was enroute to the Citadel so Nick could help Thane and Garrus with some personal things, and even if Kaidan wouldn't be there then she was happier than she had been in a while at his prompt response.

"Joker, what's our ETA for the Citadel?" she asked as she stepped into the helm.

"Just over four days," the helmsman replied. He glanced at her and took a double take. "Is that a _smile_ on your face?"

"What? No!" Heat rose from her collar.

"Your vitals suggest an elevated heart rate and -" EDI began.

" _Thank you_ , EDI," Nick quickly interrupted the AI. An incoming call saved her from further comments. Joker checked the caller ID.

"Commander, it's the Illusive Man," he let her know.

Nick rolled her eyes, turning around and walking back through the CIC. "Go ahead and put it through, Joker. Let's see what the Illusive Asshole wants this time."

A few minutes later she emerged from the communications room again and called Joker over the comm system.

"Set a new course. I'm afraid the Citadel will have to wait a little longer. The turians have disabled a Collector ship, and we're supposed to investigate." Shepard made for the elevator and headed to the crew deck; she had to tell Garrus and Thane of the change in plans. But maybe this wasn't all bad; _maybe_ this delay meant she would be able to rendezvous with Kaidan after all.

The smile reappeared on her face.

Garrus and Tali were sitting at the mess table when Nick stepped out of the elevator, their voices carrying her way, but too quiet to make out the words. They stopped talking as soon as she walked around the corner.

"Shepard," Garrus began, looking at her closely, "I swear you just smiled. I think it's the first time in months I've seen you do that. I can't imagine TIM telling you something that could make you smile. Or, did you hear from somebody else?"

Nick gave him a playful shove as she walked past him to the coffee machine. "Shut up, Vakarian."

He was one of the few people she'd confided in over past weeks. Garrus had witnessed their cluster fuck of a reunion on Horizon. She had told him about Kaidan's message, even let him listen to it, and she knew he was still upset with Kaidan. Looking down at her mug she answered quietly, "I answered Kaidan's message after we got back from Haestrom earlier today."

She fell silent, listening to the soft click of Garrus' mandibles and the purring of Tali's enviro-suit. Nick wondered briefly how much Tali knew of what had happened on Horizon, and if she was still in touch with Kaidan. Nick knew that Tali had liked Kaidan a lot; they had been good friends, spending plenty of time talking shop.

On Haestrom Tali had inquired after him almost immediately, and it had felt odd telling her he had refused to join them.

"What did you tell him?" Tali asked, a hint of curiosity in her voice and Nick couldn't beat the feeling that Horizon, and maybe even Kaidan's message, had been the subject of the conversation she had interrupted.

Nick shrugged, her eyes glued on her coffee. "Just that we had to talk."

"Do you think he'd listen?" There was plenty of scepticism in Garrus' two-toned voice.

Nick lifted her head and looked squarely at her best friend. "C'mon, Garrus, you heard his message. I think that sounded genuine enough. And anyway, he wants to take me out for dinner." She took a swallow of her coffee. "But talking about Kaidan wasn't what I came down here for. We won't be heading to the Citadel like planned. The Illusive Man intercepted a distress call from a turian patrol. They stumbled upon a Collector ship beyond the Korlus system, and somehow managed to disable it. The patrol didn't make it, but we're supposed to investigate and find any useful data. Apparently the turians managed to disable it somehow. Personally, I think this whole thing stinks, but we're going to have a look anyway." She got up again and patted Garrus on his shoulder. "Sorry, big guy. Your revenge will have to wait a few days longer."

"We're heading to the Citadel after we've investigated the Collector vessel?"

Nick nodded, watching her friend's mandibles flare slightly with annoyance. She understood his wish for vengeance after Sidonis' betrayal.

"I guess a few days more won't kill me," Garrus finally replied.

"You'll have him in your crosshairs soon, I promise."

"How did a turian patrol manage to disable a Collector ship?" Tali finally asked, sounding astonished.

Turning to face the young quarian Nick shrugged again. "I have no idea. I asked the same thing, and I didn't get a straight answer. Assuming it was the same one as on Horizon, possibly it was damaged more than we realised? The weird thing is, the hull seems to be intact, but the systems are offline."

"You're right," Garrus remarked. "That smells."

Nick agreed, but in this case she also agreed with the Illusive Man, as much as she hated to admit it. If the Collector ship was truly disabled, this was a chance they couldn't pass by to gather data.

Now she just had to tell Thane that his personal errand had to wait as well. When he had asked if they would be heading to the Citadel soon he hadn't explained any further what he needed. She would ask him as soon as they were on their way there again.

* * *

The Collector ship proved to be a trap, and Nick failed to be surprised.

From the moment she boarded the vessel with her shore party the feeling of being watched had settled upon her. The oppressive atmosphere with the countless pods and the heaps of discarded bodies was disturbing enough - _what if she hadn't been able to save anybody on Horizon, what if she had found Kaidan's corpse here?_ \- but when EDI informed her that an analysis showed this vessel exactly matched the profile recorded by the Normandy SR-1 it sent shivers down her spine. Nick wanted nothing more than to find the data they had come for, and get off of the ship, ASAP.

There was no way this was a coincidence.

To make things worse EDI found the turian distress call used as bait and told her it was impossible that the Illusive Man could have believed it was genuine, as the secondary encryption had been corrupted, and the Illusive Man had written the detection protocols EDI had used to discover the anomaly.

Nick's blood was boiling when they finally made it back to the Normandy. She felt hyperaware of everything, and when she entered the QEC for the debriefing with the Normandy she couldn't hide her hand twitching to reach for her sidearm.

"You motherfucking bastard," she snarled. "You knew it was a trap, and you still sent me and my team in under false premises."

"Calm yourself, Commander," the Cerberus leader replied cooly. "We're at war, we don't have any time to waste, and we needed that information to make it possible to reach the Collector homeworld." Warily Shepard watched as the Illusive Man stood up. "It was a trap," he admitted, "but I was confident in your abilities. Apart from that, I needed the Collectors to believe they had the upper hand. If I had warned you there are many ways it could have tipped them off."

A derisive snort made it clear she didn't believe a word.

The data EDI had retrieved showed that the Collectors and Reapers used an advanced Identify Friend/Foe system that the relay recognized, making it possible for them to pass unharmed. Now it was up to her and her team to get their hands on the Reaper IFF. Grinding her teeth she stood rooted to the ground for a moment after the connection was cut, flipped a finger at the space where the Illusive Man's image had been shortly before, and headed to Miranda's office.

"You know what the Illusive Moron just told me?" Nick growled, not expecting an answer as she let herself fall onto a chair.

Miranda looked up from her report. "I have no idea, Shepard."

"He just let me know that we need a Reaper IFF, and - wait for it - there is a 37 million year old derelict Reaper in the Thorne system. Isn't that a _jolly_ coincidence?" Sarcasm dripped from every word. "Ach." She waved her hand dismissively. "Assemble the team. Time to break them the happy news about _another_ derelict ship waiting for us, and that the Illusive Man _wasn't risking their lives unnecessarily._ " Air quotes accompanied the last words.

Five minutes later Nick looked into the faces of her squadmates surrounding the table in the briefing room. Disbelieving murmurs filled the room when she informed them about the newest intel.

"Oh, TIM thought I should tell you he isn't risking our lives unnecessarily," she added as an afterthought, laughter erupting around her. She waited for the noise to die down, a grim expression on her face. "Yeah, that's what I thought. He seems to think we're willing to run head on into the next trap, but I don't want anyone to have loose ends when we try to get through the relay."

Silence filled the room as she looked from one to the other.

"We're going to the Citadel now. Garrus, Thane, you both have personal issues that need being taken care of there. Is there anybody else?" Nick paused, waiting for replies. Jack leaned forward. "Jack, I know you want to place a huge fucking bomb on Pragia and blow the Cerberus facility there to smithereens. It's on the list. Everybody else let me know latest when we leave the Citadel again. Dismissed."

As her team filed out of the room she opened her omnitool and typed a short message.

_Will be on the Citadel in two days. Any chance of getting that dinner you promised me?_

The answer came promptly, but it wasn't what she had hoped for, and with a sigh she closed her omnitool again.

* * *

Unfortunately during the next two months it seemed as though she and Kaidan always missed each other by a day or two, but there had always been another mission.

Now not only did she now have a geth down in the AI core, but she had helped him rewrite the geth controlled by the Reapers; the heretics, as Legion called them. Tali had taken that surprisingly well considering how she had reacted when Legion first came aboard. Within less than an hour after returning from the derelict Reaper Nick had had to make sure that Tali and Legion didn't get at each other's throats. Or Tali, at least. She had seemed ready to shoot him on the spot. _It_ , Nick corrected herself. Legion on the other hand was level-headed and logical.

It had taken some yelling to get Tali to stand down, but in the end she had, and Nick was glad that she hadn't had to yell too loudly at least.

Nick rolled her shoulders to get out the tension that had built up in them. She needed a break.

So much had been going on, and she felt oddly restless, as if the end were near. But there was one thing that still had to happen: She still had to have dinner with Kaidan, and she'd be damned if she wouldn't get it. At least this time it looked as though they'd be on the Citadel at the same time judging from the last message he'd sent her.

A ripple of excitement ran through her as she typed her reply.

_We're docking at the Citadel the day after tomorrow around 0900, so either lunch or dinner would work fine for me. I'm craving fish and chips!_

She sent her message, and checked her log one more time to make sure nothing would come in the way. There was a single assignment open yet, but it was on their way and shouldn't delay them all too much.

A new message popped up on her terminal, and she smiled when she saw Kaidan's response was a voice message.

" _Fish and chips?_ " he laughed. " _I actually had something a little more classy in mind, but if you want fish and chips, then fish and chips you shall have. I'm afraid it's going to have to be dinner, I won't be in until 1600._ " There was a pause, and then he continued in a more somber tone, " _I look forward to seeing you, Nick._ "

Her breath caught in her throat at the sincerity in his voice, and Nick reached out as if she could touch him or his velvety voice, her fingers betraying her with this simple gesture. She missed him so much, more than she wanted to admit; she hungered for the sound of his voice, for the touch of his fingers. A small pang of regret shot through her. She had hoped they would be able to spend almost the whole day together.

She wanted to get the topic Horizon out of the way and defend herself; but mostly she just wanted to be with _him_. The only thing that kept her going without just shooting everything in sight ever since receiving his apology was knowing that Kaidan wanted to see her; holding on to that thought helped her keep her last bit of sanity.

* * *

Well into the evening the next day she and her shore party returned from the last assignment, an odd feeling of foreboding spreading through Nick as she sat in the shuttle with her squad mates while it raced through space.

Something was terribly off.

Nick stood up and began pacing the shuttle, the feeling of wrongness threatening to crush her.

"Miranda, can this thing go any faster? We have to get back to the Normandy ASAP," she said suddenly, urgency in her voice. Nick gazed into the puzzled faces of her squad mates."I don't know if I'm being silly, and honestly I don't give a damn, but I've been worried ever since EDI told me that a number of problems popped up while installing the Reaper IFF, and it's gotten worse by the minute," she explained. "If there's one thing I've learned during my career it's to trust my gut feeling, and my gut feeling tells me shit's about to go down."

Her heart dropped even more when a message from EDI came through, simply saying the Normandy had been attacked, but the situation was now contained. Nick growled - a deep, feral sound - and gripped the handle next to her so hard her knuckles turned white. Minutes felt like hours until the shuttle touched down in Normandy's cargo hold again. Once the shuttle's hatch opened Nick's gaze swept through the empty shuttle bay and landed on Joker, standing there, looking utterly dejected.

He took one look at her face as she jumped out of the shuttle, and took a step back.

"They're all gone," he said in a shaky voice. "The Collectors - they took them all. I couldn't … I couldn't stop them."

" _The corruption in the Collector data was even more harmful than the 'black box' Reaper viruses I was given. There was nothing you could do, Jeff,_ " EDI said, popping up behind him.

Shepard didn't look at the AI but kept her eyes on her helmsman instead.

"Squad - square away your equipment, Joker - tell me what happened." She crossed her arms in front of her body while she listened to his report. When he had finished she let let out a long breath and ran a hand through her hair. "How are you holding up?"

Joker opened his mouth to answer, but snapped it shut again and shook his head, looking at the tip of his shoes.

"Goddamn Collectors. This can't happen again," Nick ground out. "Are we ready to get our crew back?"

Lifting his head Joker looked at her. "EDI and I purged the systems. The Reaper IFF is installed. We can go through the Omega 4 relay anytime."

Shepard closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was it, the final plunge. Not when she had hoped, but the Collectors forced her hand, and now she had no other choice.

"We're going through the Omega 4 relay," she answered and headed for the elevator together with Joker and punched the controls. A sad laugh escaped her as the elevator began moving, and her helmsman shot her a puzzled look. "I guess I won't get my dinner with Kaidan after all."

"I …" Joker began. "I'm sorry, Shepard."

"Yeah." Disappointment and anger laced her voice as she stepped off of the elevator into the CIC.

Almost an hour later Nick stood in her cabin after talking to her team, Kaidan's holo in her hand, fear and anger battling inside her. Growling she set it back on her desk.

"EDI, put me through to Staff Commander Alenko."

" _Patching you through, Shepard_ ," the AI confirmed.

Nick sat down at her terminal, waiting for Kaidan to answer the call. Finally the connection was established, and Nick's body clenched with need when his image came into view. No shirt, sweats hanging low on his waist, a towel in his hand. She stared at the terminal, her mouth gone completely dry.

" _Nick! This is a surpr -_ ," Kaidan stopped mid-sentence as he sat down, the smile on his face fading. " _What's wrong_?"

The shift from pleasantly surprised to worried in his voice brought her back to her senses, and her anger at the Collectors increased tenfold.

It was _their_ fault she had died, _their_ fault he wasn't at her side now, _their_ fault she could only talk to him via vid call instead of feeling his strong arms wrapped around her.

"The Collectors!" she spat angrily. "The goddamned bloody Collectors attacked the Normandy while I was away on a mission and abducted the whole goddamn crew before Joker and EDI managed to purge the ship. Fuck!" She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes, forcing herself to calm down. "I won't make it to the Citadel tomorrow. We're heading through the Omega 4 relay in a little more than an hour."

" _Oh my God,_ " Kaidan whispered.

"I am going to tear them limb to limb, Kaidan, and if it's the last thing I do." Nick swallowed. Unshed tears glistened in her eyes as she gazed steadily at him. "I wanted to be able to say good-by this time, because there's a fair chance we won't be coming back from this run. This is a suicide mission."

" _Don't talk like that!_ " The vehemence in his voice caught her unawares. " _Don't talk like that_ ," Kaidan repeated in a pained voice. " _If there's anyone that can pull this off, it's got to be you. And,_ " he paused, running his hand through moist hair, " _we still have to … we have a dinner date for fish and chips I promised you._ " He closed his eyes briefly, and continued with a rough whisper. " _You have to come back. I need you._ "

They looked at each other silently.

"Will you … keep me company until we go through the relay?" Nick asked, not wanting to let him go again just yet.

" _Of course._ "

Nick settled back, trading almost shy glances with Kaidan. It was comforting though to know he wanted to spend time with her, and as much as she wanted to to defend herself for Horizon, now was not the time. She didn't want to fight, at least not with him. They would talk about that when she came back.

 _If_ she came back.

 


	42. The Collector Base

The Omega 4 relay, surrounded by a sinister reddish glow, came hurtling closer as Shepard stood behind Joker's seat.

"Time to see if the Reaper IFF was worth all the trouble. Take us in," she ordered firmly. Nothing in her voice gave away that she was wondering if she had just sentenced them all to a sudden death.

She cast a glance over her shoulder at her team assembled just outside the helm. Everyone had their eyes fixed on the relay as bursts of red energy crackled along the hull as a power surge propelled the Normandy towards the galaxy's core.

Tightening her grip on Joker's headrest, Shepard watched as the Normandy shot through the relay on the other side - and emerged in a debris field.

"Shit!" Joker exclaimed, maneuvering them around chunks of metal and the remains of ships..

"Looks like we found all the other ships that tried getting through the relay," Garrus stated, stepping closer to look out the window.

"Keelah!" Tali added quietly.

Nick furrowed her brow as the Normandy barely avoided being caught between two large wrecks as EDI informed them of an energy signature at the edge of the accretion disk.

"Take us in for a closer look. That might just be the Collector Base," Nick told Joker quietly, her eyes glued on a large wreck drifting by. It missed hitting the Normandy by inches. "Nice and easy."

They cleared the debris field only to come across an old friend - the Collector ship that had destroyed the original Normandy and the colony on Horizon, though this time they were prepared. The Normady swerved to the side, avoiding a direct hit by the Collector ship while the Thanix Cannons charged. Nick clenched her fist in anticipation as the cannons fired the first time, waiting for it to hit true. Ordering Joker to get in close to finish them off she prayed to all known enteties that their shields held as the Collector ship fired another round.

"Give 'em hell," Nick told Joker after he successfully evaded another attack. A manic grin spread on her helmsman's face, and he slammed his fist down on the controls. Grim satisfaction spread through her as she watched the Collector cruiser break apart after another direct hit.

"Take that, you sons-of-bitches!" Joker called triumphantly, but it was short-lived as the Normandy was caught in the shockwave of the exploding Collector ship, causing the mass effect field generators to fail.

The warning "All hands brace for impact" came immediately before the Normandy crashed on the Collector base. Nick was thrown to the ground through the impact, the sound of metal grinding over stone filling her ears. There seemed to be no end of the screaching sound of mistreated metal as the Normandy slid over the rocky surface.

 _I hope we can make it back, Kaidan_ , she thought, a wave of fear and regret surging through her. She wondered how badly this would damage the Normandy. Maybe she _should_ have insisted on more upgrades before rushing off to rescue her crew.

_Would they be able to get off this rock again? Would they make it back through the relay?_

Finally the Normandy came to a halt, and the unholy sound of metal on rock was replaced by silence. Nick breathed heavily, her ears ringing and her heart thundering.

"Joker, are you alright?" she asked, worried for her friend after the crash.

EDI gave her the damage report. It was extensive and would take a while, but it wasn't impossible. And they appeared to be undetected from enemy forces for now. Apparently the Collectors hadn't expected anybody to get this far and had little security set up, which was fine with Nick. It gave them time to do the necessary repairs.

She looked at her team as they gathered around the table in the briefing room.

"Well, this didn't go quite as planned, but here we are," she began, a grim expression on her face. "We don't know when the Normandy can get us back through the relay, or if she can get us back at all, but that isn't our problem right now. Our primary objective is to stop the Collectors, and for me that's pretty much the same as destroying this base. EDI, bring up the scans!"

"Looks like there are two main routes," Jacob commented. "It might be a good idea to split into two teams and then regroup in that central chamber."

He looked at the others expectantly, but Miranda was already shaking her head. Shepard nodded, letting Miranda point out that both routes were blocked. They had to get somebody inside to open the gates for them.

Nick sighed. "Much as I'd love to just blow those doors open, I don't want to give our presence away one second earlier than necessary. That means we need a distraction, or an alternative. This isn't a fortress, so there have to be other ways in." She squinted at the schematics in front of her. "Here, this ventilation shaft looks big enough for a single person to crawl through. I know it sounds like something from a goddamn movie, but we can't be too picky right now."

"Sounds like a suicide mission," somebody muttered under their breath.

"This whole thing is going to be a suicide mission if we don't find a way to take out this station," Shepard pointed out. "Whoever goes in there should be good at tech to hack security, and preferably not too big. We don't know if there are any choke points on the way." She looked back and forth between Tali and Kasumi with an apologetic smile. "Kasumi, are you up for this?"

The thief gave a quick nod, and Nick continued, "Tali, Legion, I want you two to stay here and help Joker and EDI get the Normandy prepped. The rest of us will form two teams and head down the two main passages. With some luck that'll draw the Collector's attention away from you while you hack your way into the station and open the doors for us. Miranda, Grunt, you're with me. Garrus - you lead the second team," she said before anyone could make any suggestions.

"There's no room for mistakes. We don't know what we'll find inside this base, but whatever it is, it's not going to be easy. Once we're in they're going to throw everything they have at us. The Collectors kidnapped our crewmates, they abducted hundred thousands colonists, but that ends today." Anger seeped through her voice as it grew stronger with every word. "It's time for some payback. Let's bring our people home!"

Getting to the main chamber proved more difficult than expected. The ventilation shaft had several choke points that had to be manually unlocked, and Collector forces tried their best to stop them as Nick and her team made their way along the winding passage, rushing from one valve to the next.

"Shepard," Miranda called out suddenly. "You need to see this."

Nick turned away from Kasumi as she hacked the door for them to enter, and walked over to Miranda. The Cerberus officer gestured into a vast cavernous room full with Collector pods, and they slowly entered. Large pipes lead away from the pods, converging towards a spot in the ceiling of the chamber.

Revolving slowly around her own axis, her gaze swept along the walls covered in pods. All were linked to the large pipes, and Nick felt her hair stand on end. If the Collector ship had felt wrong, this place felt even worse. She swallowed, gripping her sniper rifle tightly as shiver after shiver ran down her spine. She drew a deep breath, and nearly gagged at the sweetish, fetid stench that filled the chamber.

_Focus._

"Shepard!" Garrus called, waving her over to one of the pods. "This looks like one of the missing colonists, possibly from Horizon!"

Turning on her heel, Nick went over to Garrus and peered through the transparent cover of the pod. Inside was a young woman wearing a badge that read "Horizon Home Defense Engineers".

The crawling sense of foreboding increased as Nick reached out to touch the pod's surface. She narrowed her eyes, discerning a slight movement from the young woman, but it was so short that Nick wasn't sure she'd really seen anything. She heard Mordin call out that there were more, but she kept her gaze fixed on the pod in front of her.

"Fuck!" Nick muttered under her breath when what looked like tiny, black larvae suddenly crawled all over the colonist. They had appeared out of nowhere. The woman's flesh took on a mottled look, and began dissolving at an incredible speed. The engineer's eyes popped open just as a piece of her flesh melted off her bone. Shepard stood momentarily frozen in horror at the scene in front of her until her brain registered what she was seeing.

"Get them out of there! Hurry, they're still alive!" she barked in time with a scream from within the pod, desperately trying to open the lid while the young woman inside continued to scream and pound at the lid from within, leaving bloody streaks. Nick dug her fingers into the crevice where lid and corpus joined, and pulled with all the strength she could muster. Clenching her eyes shut she strained every muscle in another futile attempt to rescue the colonist, barely noticing that the woman's screams had turned to choked sobs and subsided as her flesh and bones were liquefied.

A strangled cry of frustration escaped Nick. This colonist, whoever she was, was lost.

Around her the team had succeeded in opening several other pods while Nick turned to the next one feeling sick to her stomach. This time she heard a satisfying hiss as the lid opened, and one of her crew members toppled out. She quickly laid him on the ground and moved to the next one.

Finally, there was only one pod left. Nick reached it just as the lid unsealed, and Dr. Chakwas slid into her arms.

"Doctor? Doctor, are you okay?" Shepard asked urgently. She glanced around. The abducted crew mates were all standing on their own feet again, though everybody was visibly shaken.

The doctor straightened up slowly. "You came for us," she said. "I knew you would, but -." She shuddered before continuing, "The colonists were processed. These little … robots turned their bodies into a gray liquid and pumped it through these tubes." The doctor's gaze drifted to the large pipes running across the ceiling to the large chasm.

Shepard furrowed her brow glancing up at the tubes as well. "What is the purpose of this all? Why are they turning humans to … _mush_?"

"I don't know," the doctor admitted. "But I'm glad you got here before this happened to us."

"Yeah. Me too, but now we have to finish our job here." Nick opened a comm channel. "Joker? Can you get a fix on our position?"

" _Roger that, Commander_ ," came the prompt reply. " _The tubes lead into the main control room right above you. The direct route is blocked by a security door, but there is another chamber that runs parallel to the one you're in -._ "

EDI interrupted the helmsman, pointing out that the thermal emissions of the neighboring chamber suggested it was overrun with seeker swarms. " _Mordin's countermeasure cannot protect you against so many at once_ ," the AI concluded.

"There has to be another way," Shepard insisted. She looked at the biotic squad members thoughtfully. "What about biotics? Would it be possible to create biotic barrier large enough for a small strike force to keep the seeker swarms away? A biotic bubble?"

"It's called a biotic field, Shepard," Miranda commented, but Nick waved her comment aside.

"I don't care what it's called, I just want to know if it's possible."

Samara stepped forward. "Yes, I believe it is possible, but it is a very draining process. The group should be small, and move swiftly."

Shepard nodded. "That's decided then. We split up again. A small strike force goes through the seeker swarm infested tunnel to open the security doors, and the others provide a diversion by going through the main tunnel. Jack, I want you to maintain the field. You feel up to it?"

"What kind of fucking stupid question is that? Of course I feel up to it," the young biotic bristled.

"Perfect. Joker? Can you get close enough to this location to pick up Dr. Chakwas and the other crew members?" Shepard threw a short glance in their direction. There was no way the were in any condition to fight; the only logical decision was sending them back to the Normandy.

" _Aye, Commander, though I'll still have to land a bit back from your position_ ," he confirmed.

"Mordin, you escort the doctor and the others back to the Normandy."

After assigning the teams, Nick lead her small strike team to the neighboring tunnel. On her signal they gathered behind Jack who created a biotic barrier large enough for the small group. Soon after entering the tunnel they realized that the seeker swarms interfered with the radio contact with the diversion team.

Nick swore loudly as she received only garbled chatter.

"Move out," she growled to her team, and they made their way deeper into the tunnel. Nick eyed the seeker swarms buzzing around them warily, but apparently the biotic field combined with Mordin's countermeasure successfully hid them from their attention. She ignored the tingling sensation between her shoulder blades she forced herself to focus on the path, but was certain every step they took was being watched.

Almost immediately Collector forces attacked them, forcing them to seek cover. Shepard knelt behind a half wall, and threw a quick glance over her cover. She swapped her shotgun for her sniper rifle, and lined up her shot, aiming at a Collector landing further along the path.

"Take out the other Collectors first, then we'll get rid of Harbinger," Shepard instructed, keeping her eyes on her target. She exhaled, and fired. The Collector staggered after the first hit, and she fired again, a small satisfying thrill running through her as the tango crumpled.

The air smelled increasingly of ozone and expired thermal clips mingled with the sickening sweetish odor of the Collector station. It became hotter and more humid as they went deeper into the base, the heavy stench of the air making it difficult to breath.

Finally they could see the doors they were trying to reach at the end of the passage, but Nick guessed it was roughly a hundred meters with only one possibility to take cover. She cast a worried glance at Jack. Sweat was dripping down the young biotic's face, but her barrier was still strong.

Another wave of enemy forces moved between them and the entrance, and Shepard scowled at the sight of husks and abominations.

"Jack?" she asked not taking her eyes of the hostiles in their path. "Can you keep up the barrier much longer?"

"The sooner we get there, the better," Jack grunted. The strain on her was obvious. They would have to move fast.

"Okay. We run for the cover, catch our breath, and then push for the entrance. Keep your eyes peeled!" Shepard ordered, pulling her shotgun. "On my order … three … two … one … Now!"

Breaking cover they moved as fast as they could towards the minimal cover ahead, the air filled with the short barks of Miranda's heavy pistol and Zaeed's assault rifle. Nick caught the first abomination in her way with a blast of her shotgun, the second one she kicked as it tried to scramble to its feet, snapping its neck.

A sound from behind caught Shepard's attention, and she cast a look over her shoulder to see Collector forces advancing behind them.

"Tangos on our six! Move, move, move!" she urged her team forward, jumping the half wall in her way and swapping weapons. She whispered to her sniper rifle as she zeroed in on the first Collector, aware that Jack and the others had passed her. She took out two more hostiles before shouldering her weapon. She had to move; if she stayed she would be outside of the barrier. Nick pulled her shotgun again, and caught up with Jack and the others.

Reaching the doors Shepard turned and fired at the nearest Collector. She felt the air shift as Miranda Threw back another hostile, concentrated dark energy flying past her head before it hit the Collector. Jack stopped, and Nick could feel the air cracking as she gathered her power, detonating the barrier in a massive biotic blast.

Ears ringing, they stumbled through the open gates. Zaeed punched the door controls, closing them before more Collectors showed up when Garrus' radioed them because the diversion team was pinned down at the other gate. Nick sprinted to the far gate, and opened it, allowing the second team to join them.

"You okay?" Nick asked Garrus, noticing he was clutching his side.

"Just a scratch. Nothing medigel won't fix," he told her. Nick gave him a grin and an encouraging pat, and opened a comm channel to the Normandy. Dr. Chakwas and the others were safe, and EDI gave them instructions on how to reach the base's main console before Joker warned them about a large number of hostiles gathering outside the chamber.

Swearing, Nick picked a small team to go with her, and ordered the others to bunker down under Garrus' command.

Some time later, Shepard and her team moved towards the central chamber. All tubes from the pods earlier also lead here and EDI informed them that the tubes were feeding into a super structure emitting both organic and non-organic energy signatures.

" _Given these readings it must be massive_ ," the AI continued. A short pause followed before EDI continued. " _If my calculations are correct it must be a Reaper._ "

Nick narrowed her eyes as the superstructure came in view. It vaguely resembled a skeleton - skull, shoulder blades, spine, ribcage. All tubes led to it, and she watched as something - _the processed human material_ , she thought briefly - flowed through the tubes into the obviously unfinished Reaper, feeding it. She shuddered, unable to tear her gaze away from it.

It _was_ massive.

_Oh my fucking God, Kaidan, if you could see this ..._

"Not just any Reaper, but a human Reaper," she said, her voice oddly hollow, chasing her previous thought away. She was glad Kaidan couldn't see this, that he was _safe_ and not in this hellhole with likely no chance of returning. Absently, she asked about the possible reasons for the Collectors to build a Reaper, a human one at that, but only listened with half an ear as EDI answered her questions. Her thoughts revolved over the number of humans that had already given their lives to create this thing, and how many more would die if she didn't destroy it.

Would just destroying the base be enough, or would this unfinished Reaper survive that? Cold fear gripped her heart. She couldn't leave the smallest chance of survival for this abominable creation.

"We have to take it down. EDI, does it have any … structural weaknesses?"

" _The tubes injecting the fluid are a weak structural link. Destroying them should cause the supports to collapse, and the Reaper to fall_ ," EDI let them know.

The whirring sound of an approaching platform announced the arrival of hostile forces.

"Fuck! EDI, give us a minute. We've got incoming," Nick called and rushed to the nearest cover, readying herself for another firefight. Harbingers voice resonated through the chamber, and she grit her teeth. She _wasn't_ going to be intimidated. Not by an oversized zombie skeleton, and not by a mutant Prothean.

Miranda cast a Warp at two Collectors standing close to each other, and Shepard immediately followed up with Carnage. A grim smile spread on her face at the satisfying explosion, but it quickly turned to a grimace when she saw further platforms arriving.

"This is going to get interesting," she muttered, sniping another Collector that had been stripped of its armor by Samara's Reave. Nick glance up at the couplings, and shifted slightly, aligning her next shot with one of the links.

They fought back wave after wave, and Shepard used every opportunity to shoot the injection tubes connecting the pipes to the Reaper. The air was acrid with smoke and the revolting stench of burning bodies mingled with the sickening smell leaking from the tubes by the time the last coupling was destroyed.

"Garrus? How are things at the door?" Shepard asked, watching the Reaper construction fall into the abyss.

" _Holding, but we have to get out of here soon!_ " he replied, gunshots filling the air.

"We're in position. Hightail it to the Normandy!" Garrus affirmed her order and passed it on, rallying his team to fall back. Nick opened a comm channel to the Normandy, and began rigging the main console. "Joker, prep the engines. It's time to blow this place sky high!"

"Aye, aye, Commander! Uh, you've got an incoming call from the Illusive Man. EDI's patching him through," the helmsman responded.

Shepard grunted in confirmation.

" _Shepard, you've done the impossible_ ," the Illusive Man congratulated her. She cast a short look over her shoulder, and focused on the console again.

"I'm just getting started," Shepard replied, double checking the connections on the console. So far everything looked good.

" _You don't have to destroy the base_ ," he informed her. " _Imagine what we could learn about the Reapers with the knowledge from this base. I'm looking at the schematics EDI uploaded. A timed radiation pulse would take care of the remaining collectors, and leave the technology intact._ "

"You're suggesting we _keep_ this? No way."

" _This is our chance, Shepard! They were building a Reaper, and the knowledge here could save us_ ," the Illusive Man said in a placating tone that made Nick's hackles rise.

She stood up and wiped her hands, turning around to look at the Illusive Man's holo. "How so?"

" _The Collectors were working directly with the Reapers. It is highly likely that the information on this station could give us valuable insight on the Reapers. We shouldn't squander a chance like this!_ " There was a hint of exasperation in his voice.

Shepard looked from the now useless tubes dangling from the walls to the countless pods. Anger surged through her as she thought of all the innocent lives lost to construct this Human Reaper. There was no way in hell she was going to save it.

"Next thing you'll be telling me we should build our own Reapers," she replied coolly, and slowly returned her gaze to the holo. She listened to the Cerberus leader talk about how he his goals were to save humanity from the Reapers, and how it could help save lives.

" _Imagine that lives that could be lost if we don't!_ " he emphasized again.

No, this place had to be destroyed, and the way the Illusive Man tried to sway her decision into saving it just strengthened her belief that this place had to be blown to hell.

"No," Nick replied firmly. "This place is not worth saving, not even for possible intel. If I have to rely on technology that involves the sacrifice of sapient lives, then I'm not trying hard enough to find an alternative. We'll fight and win without it. I won't let fear compromise who I am." She turned away and returned to the console. "And now excuse me, but I have a job to finish."

" _Miranda, do not let Shepard destroy the base!_ " Silence. " _I gave you an order!_ "

Steps approached, and Nick glanced up to see Miranda standing next to her, holding a detonator in her extended hand. With a grin Nick took it and set the timer on the detonator, while listening to Miranda calmly tell the Illusive Man she resigned.

"Alright, we have ten minutes before the reactor overheats and blows this place to smithereens. Time to leg it!" Nick let them know, and they made for the exit.

Before they had taken more than a few steps the platforms shook and a deep, multi-toned sound filled the air. They turned around in surprise, coming face to face with the unfinished, but obviously not dead, human reaper.

"Well, fuck!" Nick groaned, pulling her sniper rifle and dropping behind cover.

Time seemed to be against them as more and more Collector forces appeared. Nick ground her teeth. She was not going to die here, not like this, not so close to getting back to the Normandy and out of here. While Miranda and Samara kept the arriving hostile forces in check she dealt with the Human Reaper larva. At last it fell, and Nick mobilized her team for a sprint to the Normandy.

The unholy buzzing of seeker swarms filled the air, and Nick ran as she had never run before, following Miranda and Samara, who had both been closer to the exit. The Normandy rose before her, and she doubled her speed, no matter that her legs and lungs were on fire. Her mind barely registered Joker standing at the open hatch with an assault rifle. Feeling oddly weightless she jumped just as the ground under her feet crumbled. _Too short_. The thought flashed through her mind mid-air, but she somehow caught hold of the Normandy. A sharp pain tore through her shoulders as she dangled at the open hatch until several hands grabbed hold of her and hauled her into the Normandy.

"Get us out of here!" she ordered, getting to her feet. Adrenaline continued to rush through her veins as the Normandy accelerated, together with a sense of triumph.

They had made it.


	43. Aratoht

"Get us out of here!" Nick ordered, stumbling into the helm after Joker and listening as EDI counted down to the detonation of the Collector base. Grinding her teeth, she kept her eyes on the debris field between them and the mass relay, hoping they would make it out of the blast radius in time. She dug her fingernails into the headrest of the pilot's seat and prayed silently that the damage done to the Normandy would not cause her to break apart during the jump.

 _Calm down_ , she told herself, _EDI would have told you if the jump wasn't safe_.

She forced herself to relax, and watched as Joker wove the ship through the debris, but the tension in her rose again as the mass relay drew close. Reddish tendrils of corrupted dark energy reached towards the Normandy, snaking around the frigate before catapulting them back to the Omega 4 relay.

Nick let out an audible breath. "Well, that's done. Joker, set a course for Omega." She was about to leave when Joker informed her of an incoming call from the Illusive Man. She rolled her eyes. "I'll take it in the comm room. Patch the Illusive Moron through."

" _Shepard_ ," the Cerberus leader greeted her, sounding displeased, " _you're making a habit of costing me more than time and money._ "

Nick snorted. "Nobody forced you to bring me back. That was your choice. And if you want to complain about the Collector base, you can spare the lecture."

" _The technology from that base could have secured human dominance in the galaxy. Against the Reapers, and beyond!_ " He bristled.

" _Human_ dominance?" Shepard laughed mirthlessly. "More like _Cerberus_ dominance."

The Illusive Man rose from his chair. " _Strength for Cerberus means strength for every human, Commander. Cerberus_ is _humanity_." He stepped closer. " _I should have known you were too idealistic to make any hard choices. You will regret this!_ "

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that. I'm getting a lot of bullshit on this line." Nick tapped her ear demonstratively. "And I don't care if you agree with me, or not. The Reapers are coming, and I'm going to fight them tooth and nail. You're either with me or against me, and judging from your attitude I'd say it's the latter." She turned, and walked out of the room ignoring the Cerberus leader.

" _Don't turn your back on me, Shepard! You don't want me as an enemy!_ "

Nick flipped him the finger over her shoulder, and left. Outside she took a deep breath, a sense of calm filling her as she continued slowly through the Normandy to inspect the damage. The entire crew was busy doing minor repairs. When she passed Kelly Chambers she slowed down. They had never really gotten to know each other given Chamber's unwavering dedication to Cerberus, but Nick could tell the young woman was rattled by the events.

"Miss Chambers," she began, not quite at ease even now, "how are you?"

"Please call me Kelly, Commander." A sad smile passed over the young woman's face. "I know you never trusted me, you probably still don't, but you saved me nonetheless and … I'm grateful for that." She hesitated, her eyes darting around the room before looking at Shepard again. "I'm holding up, but I can't get the memories out of my head. Feeling trapped and slowly suffocating. Hearing echoes of faint sobs."

Nick shifted uncomfortably, the memory of the unfortunate colonist fresh in her mind, but the suggestion that she would even consider leaving someone she could save behind irritated her. "I would never leave anybody of my crew behind to die a horrible death, no matter if I like them or not. Personal preference has nothing to do with it. If you think I'd do that, then your psych profile of me is completely wrong." She paused. "But if you are willing to take my advice, Kelly, then talk to a specialist about this." Giving a small nod she left Kelly Chambers standing at her terminal, and took the elevator up to her cabin.

She wasn't sure if it could be compared, but both Elysium and Akuze still often held sway over her dreams, especially after coming in contact with the Prothean beacon. But Nick also knew that the counseling she had gone through had helped somewhat.

The cabin door slid open, and Nick stepped inside for the first time since returning from the Collector base. She glanced around, unbuckling the first strap of her armor. There was comparatively little damage in her cabin. A few of her models needed glueing, but other than that everything was in order. Even the fish were still alive.

As she unclipped further parts of her armor she realized she would have to inform the crew that they were no longer aboard a Cerberus vessel, and that she intended to hand the Normandy over to the Alliance. Gazing wearily at the pile of armor parts on her floor she pulled off the sweaty underarmor and tossed it on top of everything before heading under the shower.

One benefit of not being on a military vessel was being able to let the water run as long as she wanted. Leaning against the wall with one hand Nick let the jet of water patter onto her shoulders for a while before lathering and rinsing. She wrapped herself into a towel, and stepped out of the shower into the cool dark of her cabin.

"EDI," she said as she dried off, "what is our ETA for Omega?"

" _ETA is three hours, Commander. Is there anything else?_ " the AI asked.

"Not right now."

"Understood, Commander. Logging you out."

Nick pulled a tank top over her head and sat down at the desk, her eyes on Kaidan's holo. Making up her mind she opened a shipwide channel.

"This is Commander Shepard speaking. We are no longer a Cerberus ship. We are enroute to Omega, where we will dock for repairs. After that I will be handing the Normandy over to the Alliance. Anybody that wants to leave and return to Cerberus has the chance to do so when we reach Omega. Shepard out."

She sat back. The cat was out of the bag now.

"EDI," Nick called, "please set up a channel with Staff Commander Alenko."

" _There is an incoming call from Admiral Hackett for you marked priority: high. Do you wish to take the call first?_ " EDI asked.

Nick sighed, and rubbed her hands over her face. "Yeah, go ahead and patch the admiral through." She watched the image of Admiral Hackett appear on screen.

"Admiral, what can I do for you?"

" _Veronika, thank you for your time. I'll keep this brief. I have to ask you for a favor_ ," the Alliance admiral began.

"Veronika, huh? So this isn't an official call, Uncle Steve?" Nick lounged back in her seat, and poured herself some liquor.

" _No, it's not official, but it's important. You might want to wait with your drink until you've heard what I'm asking of you. We have a deep-cover operative out in batarian space. Her name is Doctor Amanda Kenson._ "

Nick shifted uncomfortably on her seat. "Uncle Steve - ."

" _Let me finish. Dr. Kenson recently reported that she found evidence of an imminent Reaper invasion. This morning I received word that the batarians arrested her. They're holding her in a secret prison outpost on terrorism charges._ " Hackett paused briefly. " _I'm asking you to infiltrate the prison, and get her out of there. And I'm asking you to do it alone._ "

Getting up Nick paced back and forth before stopping and looking at Hackett. "Why me? I'm no infiltrator, remember? I'm just a regular soldier. There's got to be someone more qualified in the Alliance. And, fuck, the batarians aren't exactly crazy about me either!"

" _You are far more than a "regular" soldier. You're a spectre and an N7, and you have a knack for difficult situations._ " Hackett waved her objections aside. " _Kenson was investigating the rumor of a Reaper artifact in the system, and her last report said she'd found it._ "

A shiver ran down her spine at the mention of the Reaper artifact. "I thought the Alliance denied the Reaper threat. Why the change of mind? And can you tell me more about this operative?"

" _Her team found a device out in batarian space which she believes is a Reaper device, and proof that the Reapers are indeed planning to invade. As for Kenson, she's one of our top scientists and an Alliance deep-cover agent in batarian space. A deadly assignment, if something goes wrong._ "

"And obviously something did go wrong," Nick muttered under her breath.

" _More importantly for me is that she's an old friend. Amanda and I go back pretty far, and I'm not going to let her rot in a batarian torture camp. And if she says she has proof, then it's worth checking out._ "

"So you're going to send your godchild and best friend's daughter in to save her instead?" Nick wondered aloud. "The one that's like damn far at the top of some batarian leaders Most Wanted list because of the Blitz? I have a damn good team, why do you want me to go in without backup? And what about human-batarian relations? They won't take it lightly if the Alliance breaks into one of their secret prisons."

" _First of all, if I send a squad of armed soldiers, the batarians will kill her," he answered. "You go in with discretion, or don't go at all. And secondly, it's not an Alliance operation. It's one person going in to save a friend. That's also the reason I'm asking my godchild and best friend's daughter to do this, even if your history with the batarians could make things difficult. You'll just have to avoid getting caught._ "

"God _fucking_ dammit!" Nick growled. She wanted to say to hell with it, but she knew she wouldn't - not if she could gather evidence the Reapers were coming. "If I get caught you can explain this to mom and dad."

A smile crossed his face. " _Don't worry. If you get caught, I'll tell John and Hannah the details myself. The prison is hidden underground at an outpost on Aratoht. I'll upload the coordinates now. Once you've secured Dr. Kenson confirm her discovery. We'll debrief you when you're back. Happy hunting, Commander. Hackett out._ "

Nick pulled up the coordinates, and stared at them. Things were not exactly going as planned. "Fuck," she muttered. "Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. EDI, can you set up a connection with Kaidan, I mean Staff Commander Alenko now?"

" _I'm sorry, Commander, but I'm unable to establish a stable connection._ " EDI informed her.

"Fuck!" Nick drummed her fingers on her desk, and began recording a voice message. "Kaidan, we made it. We're heading to Omega for some repairs now, and then I have to take care of something for Hackett, but I hope that won't take much longer than a day or two. If things go FUBAR - ," she broke off. "Anyway, once I'm back we'll have our dinner, and talk. I - ," _miss you, I wish you were here, I love you,_ " - look forward to seeing you soon."

She pushed send and got up, heading for her bed. Maybe she could catch an hour or two of shut-eye. "EDI, let me know when we're twenty minutes out from Omega."

" _Understood, Commander._ "

Several hours later the Normandy left Omega again taking course for the mass relay. The necessary repairs had been quickly taken care of, Aria's second-in-command Bray had been there the entire time to supervise, and the costs had been lower than expected. Nick almost felt honored. Apart from that they had restocked and acquired parts for further repairs that could be taken care of enroute.

Now Nick sat in the mess checking the data Hackett had sent her about Aratoht. She glanced at her omnitool, and sighed. They would reach the relay soon.

"You seem worried," Garrus remarked, sitting down on a chair next to her. "Where are we heading?"

"Bahak system," Nick answered.

"That's … batarian space," he commented, surprised.

She nodded, but didn't offer any further information.

"Okay, Shepard," Garrus went on. "Why are we heading to the Bahak system? The batarians aren't exactly fond of you, or the Alliance. And I thought you'd want to meet with Kaidan first thing after telling the Illusive Man to bugger off?"

Nick scrubbed her face. "Of course I wish I could have met with Kaidan before going on a another mission. Hell, we've been trying to do that for months, but this is a favor for Hackett that is too important to be put off." She glanced at her friend. "Are you still mad at Kaidan?"

Garrus looked thoughtful, and shook his head. "No. Not really." He grinned at her. "He softens you, you know that. Even now."

Nick snorted, and scooted on her chair. "No he doesn't, Vakarian."

"Yes, he does," Garrus teased. "You're expression goes soft whenever you talk about him, and your eyes shine." He fell silent for a moment. "And what are we going to do in the Bahak system?"

"You're not doing anything. I'm in this alone." Nick smiled grimly. "I'm an N7 on a deep-cover mission. The mission objective is to infiltrate a batarian military prison and rescue an Alliance scientist."

"Shepard, that's completely insane!" he exclaimed.

"Maybe. Probably. But that's how it's going to be." She looked back at the data pad in her hand, gripping it tightly as she felt the inertia shift that accompanied a relay jump. "Joker, what's the ETA to Aratoht?"

" _Thirty minutes, Commander,_ " came the prompt reply.

"Let me know when we're ten minutes out."

" _Aye-aye._ "

* * *

 

It was raining on Aratoht when the shuttle dropped her off not far from the facility, and Nick approached carefully, moving through the underbrush surrounding it with all the skill she had learned in her N7 training. To her relief there were no guards at the door, and she slipped quietly into the underground prison. The air was stale and muggy with a lingering rancid odor.

The facility was in a desolate condition; loose slabs covered the floor, water dripped out of poorly maintained pipes, a varren corpse lay on the floor.

_This place is run down, even for a prison._

Checking the floor plan on her omnitool again Nick crept through the seemingly deserted halls, listening for any signs of occupation. A sudden growl and the sound of clawed feet running over the stone floor caught her attention. She stopped and listened, back pressed against the wall before rounding the corner to face the approaching varren. She frowned down at the dead animal, seeing how thin it was. Not starving yet, but definitely not taken care of either.

_The poor beasts probably only get fed if the batarians want to get rid of a prisoner._

The thought chilled her, and she picked up her pace again, searching for the way to an inhabited level. Eventually she passed through a door leading to a courtyard. She heard voices, and crept carefully closer in order to make out what they were saying. Maybe she would hear something about Dr. Kenson's whereabouts.

" … They wanted to slam an asteroid into the mass relay," a voice said, muffled by the thin wall.

"Can they even do that?" a second one asked incredulously.

The first guard huffed. "What difference does it make? We caught them."

Nick wondered about this exchange as she snuck to the corner. _Were the batarians talking about Dr. Kenson and her team?_ Pulling her sniper rifle she passed through a door leading to a courtyard and took cover behind the banister to scope out the area. There were at least two batarians, one at twelve o'clock, the other at ten o'clock, and possibly more. She waited, watching the patrols movements, and shouldered her rifle again when she realized she could get through here without being seen or heard.

Her heart hammered in her chest as she waited for the right moment to quickly change positions, expecting one of the guards to turn around and spot her, but her luck held.

"This place is a fucking maze," she muttered under her breath once she was certain they were out of earshot. Kneeling behind a stack of crates she open her omnitool, and pulled up schematics of the facility that EDI had somehow managed to procure. Knitting her brow Nick memorized what seemed to be to quickest route to the prison cells.

With a sigh Nick closed her omnitool again, and moved on. Of course she had to go back underground. She took a deep breath of the fresh rainy air and returned indoors.

Some time later she found a way through a hangar bay and a garage back to an underground level without attracting any attention. The air was damp again, and had an unpleasant smell to it. The palms of her hands were still slick with sweat, both from the heat and from the adrenaline surging through her after passing an occupied guard room. She continued warily, pausing at every crossing.

Finally there was the sound of voices up ahead, and Nick cautiously went closer. She took cover behind some boxes and listened for a moment. Peeking around the corner she saw two batarians with their backs to the door, talking about a prisoner. They were focused on a large observation window, and Nick's eyes widened when she saw the interrogation room on the other side. She quickly slipped past them while they were still oblivious of her presence, and headed down the hallway.

Nick entered the interrogation room just as the batarian finished adjusting the torture device; he never had the chance to activate it before Nick snapped his neck. Wordlessly she began inspecting the device Dr. Kenson was restrained in.

"Who are you?" the doctor asked wide-eyed. "What are you doing?"

"Dr. Kenson? I'm Commander Shepard." Nick looked around, the back of her neck tingling uncomfortably. "We have to get moving. Can you walk?"

"I can walk," the doctor confirmed. "And if we find a console I can hack security."

Nick nodded, and swore under her breath when an alarm went off. She had no idea who or what had triggered it, but the first guard to come down the hallway was greeted with a shotgun blast to the face.

"Move!" Nick ordered, and they moved on through the cell block searching for a security console. The found one shortly afterward, along with half a dozen guards.

"Doctor, do you have any tech abilities you can use?" Nick called to Kenson after sniping the first guard.

"Incinerate and Overload!" came the answer.

"Perfect!" Nick popped just far enough out of cover to take down the next guard. "Then get rid of that guard's fucking shields!"

As soon as they had taken care of the guards Dr. Kenson began hacking the security console, with a short reminder to Shepard to keep her safe while a voice ordered a suppression team to the cell block. Nick huddled down behind a half wall with a good view of the door, her sniper rifle at the ready.

By the time Kenson had hacked security Nick was running dangerously low on thermal clips, because the number of hostiles had been impressive. As soon as the last one collapse she picked up as many clips as she could find, and rushed to the elevator where Dr. Kenson was waiting.

"I couldn't override the hangar doors," the deep-cover agent let her know. "We'll have to open them the old fashioned way."

"I think we'll manage," Nick replied, her voice trailing off as they reached hangar. Her eyes roamed the room. It appeared the batarians were nearly there in full force, and more were coming.

She sent a Carnage into a group of guards before dropping into cover, and pulling her sniper rifle. As soon as the room was cleared they opened the hangar doors and climbed into the shuttle waiting outside.

Once aboard Nick listened closely as Dr. Kenson told her about the Reaper artifact her team had found in the asteroid field, and the resulting plan to launch an asteroid into a mass relay. With furrowed brow she took in the information about Object Rho, shifting uneasily when Dr. Kenson told her the evidence about the impending Reaper invasion had come from the object itself.

"If you're working near a Reaper artifact, how do you know you haven't been indoctrinated? Have you set up precautions to avoid it?" Nick asked.

"We're not children, Shepard. We know what we're doing, and we've been very careful," the scientist replied reassuringly.

Nick remained sceptical. She pursed her lips, and asked, "Just how exactly did this artefact give you proof of an impending invasion?"

"It showed me visions of the Reapers' arrival," Dr. Kenson answered. "Much like your Prothean beacons, I imagine. The Reapers are coming, Commander."

Narrowing her eyes Nick looked sharply at the scientist. The thought of a Reaper artefact giving someone visions made her uneasy. What if someone on the team had been indoctrinated, and tried to sabotage the project?

"I want to see the proof before we destroy a whole system over this," Nick said slowly. Dr. Kenson agreed immediately, and informed her team.

The first thing Shepard noticed after getting off of the shuttle at Project Base was the large clock showing a countdown. She inquired about it, and Dr. Kenson informed her it showed the time to the Reaper arrival.

"How do you know that's accurate?" Nick wondered.

"The object has been giving off pulses at definite intervals since we found it, and these intervals have decreased steadily," came the reply. "In two days the pulse will be constant, and the Reapers will be here."

"Then we have no time to waste." Nick gestured for Kenson to lead the way.

Something felt wrong here; something about the doctor's tone when she mentioned the Reapers, and it made the back of her neck itch. Nick shook off the odd feeling, and followed Dr. Kenson through the base. When the Alliance deep-cover agent opened another door, and pointed proudly at the artefact sitting in the middle of the room Nick's eyes widened incredulously. She whipped around.

"You have a Reaper artifact just _sitting_ here out in the open?!" Nick exclaimed horrified. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"When we found it it showed me a vision of the Reaper's arrival." There was that odd note in the doctor's voice again. It sent shivers down Nick's back.

"Kenson, this is not good - ," she began, but Dr. Kenson told her to wait a moment. Warily Nick took a step towards the object, bracing herself.

Legions of Reapers approaching the mass relay flashed before her inner eye, and she collapsed to the floor. Dazed she tried to get to her feet again when she heard the sound of a safety catch being released, followed by the cold feeling of a muzzle being pressed to the nape of her neck.

"I can't let you stop the Arrival, Shepard!"


	44. Object Rho

"Goddammit, Kenson!" Nick growled, briefly closing her eyes in annoyance. She should have known things would go south. She should have suspected _something_.

_Fuck._

The pressure of the pistol vanished as the indoctrinated doctor backed up a few steps. Nick turned her head a fraction and stared into the muzzle of the heavy pistol being used to keep her at bay. She bared her teeth, a deep, almost animalistic growl reverberating through her as she slowly stood up. She didn't pay attention to the pistol, but kept her eyes fixed on the scientist.

The sound of running boots drew steadily closer, and Kenson looked away briefly. That was all Nick needed. She lunged forward, and disarmed the other woman. Guards swarmed into the room, and Nick threw herself into cover as they opened fire, casting a quick look at Dr. Kenson's fleeing form before dealing with the guards attacking her.

She swore under her breath as she aimed at the first guard and fired. Nick swung around, targeting the next hostile while her mind registered at least four more getting in position. She dropped back into cover and pulled a grenade from her belt, weighing it in her hand for a moment while her mind brought up memories of Kaidan's impeccable aim when it came to tossing grenades.

_Kaidan, I wish you were here. I could use your tech and your biotics right about now. These fucking idiotic scientists thought they were so smart and got themselves indoctrinated._

She lobbed the primed grenade toward the far end of the room and hoped her aim was true, very aware that she didn't just miss him because of his biotics and tech abilities. Dashing from her cover, she vaulted over a half wall and set up a new position. The door at the far end opened again, and more guards rushed in. Nick drew a deep breath, steeling herself for the impending firefight.

With a grim expression, she picked her next target and saw something sailing toward her out of the corner of her eye. Swearing profusely, she quickly ducked, but she had noticed the flash-bang grenade a second too late. Lights danced before her eyes as she squeezed them shut, waiting for the effect of the grenade to pass.

" _Commander Shepard, lay down your weapons. We don't want to hurt you_ ," Dr. Kenson's voice came from a loudspeaker.

" _Your galaxy is in sight. Your final days are at hand_ ," another voice chimed in, coming from Object Rho. It sounded exactly like Harbinger. " _The end of your species will come._ "

"In your fucking dreams," Nick snarled, aiming at another engineer and firing.

After fighting through several waves of hostiles she suddenly made out the characteristic clank of metal on metal announcing a heavy mech.

"Fucking hell," she muttered. Nick swapped weapons and focused on bringing down the Ymir mech before dealing with the remaining guards. She was so caught up fighting for her life that she barely registered Dr. Kenson's words droning over the speakers, " … _have faith in the artifact. It'll be over soon._ "

" _You shall be the first to witness our arrival,_ " Harbinger's voice added.

Nick strained her ears after she had dispatched the last guard, listening for more hostiles, but all was silent. She checked her surroundings once again and straightened up cautiously before running towards the nearest exit. She wanted to get out of this room and away from this artifact quickly. The confidence in Dr. Kenson's voice and the triumph radiating from Object Rho provoking a sense of haste deep in her.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw a flash of blue light emanate from the Prothean artifact. It flooded the room, washing over her before she had taken another step, and all went black.

* * *

 

Voices drifted slowly to Nick's awareness and a bitter, metallic taste filled her mouth. Something about this felt oddly familiar. Memories of waking up on Lazarus Station slithered through her mind and slowly changed into Dr. Kenson bending over her with oddly glowing eyes while her brain processed the snippets of dialogue drifting over to her.

"There must be a glitch in the system," an unknown female voice said. "According to the readings, Shepard is waking up."

Nick opened her eyes, her vision blurred, and a wave of nausea swept over her as she slowly turned her head towards the voice. She closed her eyes again as her stomach rolled unpleasantly; had she been sedated? It would explain why she felt like shit; she never handled sedatives well.

" _Keep her under at all costs. We don't want Shepard waking up before the arrival,_ " Kenson's voice came over the comm system, and the last tidbits snapped into place in Shepard's mind.

Reaper artifact. Arrival. Indoctrination.

_Get up!_

Nick suppressed a groan, and, taking a deep breath, swung her legs off the cot. She glanced up to see a scientist looking at her in horror. The woman backed away slowly. "The sedatives aren't working! Security!"

Reflexes took over as Nick took out the security personnel in a few movements only to find the exit barred by a containment shield. She glared at the scientist in the other room, and began inspecting every console for an override. She found a research log entry stated she had been constantly sedated for two days, and each time they'd given her a higher dosage.

"Fucking bastards," Nick swore. _Two days_. _Two_ fucking _days_. The countdown to the Reaper arrival had shown just over two days left, and she had been kept out of action the whole time. A shiver ran down her spine. She had to finish the original project objective and destroy the relay within the next two hours, or they were in deep shit.

She found an override, recovered her gear and moved along quickly; there was no time for stealth. With her shotgun at the ready she pushed deeper into the facility, trying to get to project control. Rage drove her forward. Rage at Kenson for getting indoctrinated, rage at the guards for standing in her way, rage at the Reapers.

 _Zaeed was right_ , she thought as she stabbed a guard with her omniblade; _rage was one hell of an anaesthetic_.

Her lip curled to a snarl as she engaged the next hostiles. There seemed to be no end of passages and guards, but she pushed forward. Not that she had much of a choice; this was do or die, and she'd rather die trying to hold off a Reaper invasion than sit back and watch it happen. With a shake of her head she chased away any thought of dying and focused on her objective.

It took longer than Nick had anticipated to reach the main control panel. Breathing hard, she leaned on the console and cast a quick look at the countdown for the Reaper Arrival. She activated the terminal.

" _Welcome to Project Control_ ," a VI said.

"I want to activate the project," Nick stated firmly.

" _Warning!_ " the VI chimed. " _Activating the project will result in an estimate of three hundred and five thousand casualties. Do you wish to continue?_ "

Nick stared at the number on the display and took a deep breath. 304 942 estimated casualties.

 _304 942_.

The number burned itself into her mind. She stepped forward and pressed the activation button. Balling her hands to fists she watched the controls light up; there was no other choice.

" _Project activation in progress. Warning. Collision with the mass relay is imminent. Begin evacuation procedures._ "

After hesitating a mere moment Nick opened a comm channel to send a warning to the colonies on Aratoht, but she knew it was more to calm her conscience. They had less than two hours - that wasn't much advance warning time. But before she a chance to issue the warning Dr. Kenson interrupted her.

" _You leave me no choice. If we can't stop the asteroid, then we have to destroy it!_ " the other woman droned.

"Shit!" Nick groaned. This was getting worse by the minute. "VI, where can I find Dr. Kenson?"

" _Dr. Kenson is traveling to the reactor core module,_ " the VI answered.

"Show me the map!" Nick ordered, clenching her fists. She caught Kenson mentioning a core overload with half an ear as she memorized the shortest route. Thankfully the core module wasn't far. Renewed anger welled up in her and she gripped her shotgun tightly as she set off.

_She was going to kill this woman._

* * *

 

Nick leaned against the bulkhead of the helm briefly. Everything ached; her head throbbed, her legs shook.

"Get us out of here!" she ordered sharply as she stepped behind Joker and watched the approaching relay.

"This is getting to be a bad habit of yours," her helmsman said, looking briefly at her over his shoulder. "If you have to blow things up, can you give us a little more warning time?"

"I've had a really shitty day," Nick snapped. The last thing she wanted to hear now were jokes from her snarky helmsman. She clenched her teeth and hissed, "First I wake up after being sedated by an indoctrinated scientist for two days, then I have to fight my way through a shitload of guards, activate a project to destroy a mass relay and the whole fucking system it's in including 304 942 more or less innocents on Aratoht, shoot said scientist who also happens to be a friend of Hackett's so she doesn't blow everything up, almost get blown up because she still manages to push the fucking trigger button of a detonator, and finally fight my way to the comm towers so I could radio you to pick me up, only to end up having to listen to Harbinger too! I'm in no _fucking_ mood for any of your smartass comments. Just get us the fuck through this relay!" She all but shouted the last sentence.

Joker remained silent, his hands flying over the controls.

"We're through." He looked back over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Shepard, you should let the doc look you over. You're bleeding all over the place."

Glancing down, she saw a gash in her armor and winced. The armor was trash; there was more than one hole in it. Blood dripped onto her gauntlet and she reached up to touch her face. Her fingertips were red with blood when she pulled them away.

"Fucking great. If anybody needs me, I'm down in the medbay," Nick let him know and trudged slowly towards the CIC. She suppressed a groan. Every fiber in her body protested when she moved.

"The Alpha relay just vanished from the map!" Joker called to her before she had reached the elevator. Nick closed her eyes briefly. She wanted a stiff drink. No. Not one. She wanted to drink until she forgot about this clusterfuck.

" _Clusterfuck" isn't strong enough,_  she thought as the elevator took her down to the crew deck and she walked slowly towards the medbay.

"Shepard," Dr. Chakwas greeted her, "this is a surprise. Usually somebody has to drag you here. You can sit on that cot." The doctor pointed to the hospital bed at the far end of the medbay and continued pulling items out of different drawers. "I'm glad to see you, though."

Nick scraped the toe of her boot over the floor as she sat down. "Yeah, I know. My hardsuit's internal surveillance system must be malfunctioning because it didn't administer any medigel."

The doctor gave her a look. "You have single medigel pouches, Shepard. You _can_ use those. That's what they're there for, as you well know. Especially if you don't have a medic along."

"I was too busy fighting," Nick answered with a shrug.

Dr. Chakwas gave her a look and shook her head as she ran her omnitool along the commander's body. "Well, you were lucky. Some of these injuries would have been much more problematic if they had been a centimeter or two to one side or the other. Your cybernetics also helped, so it's nothing medigel and rest won't take care of." She closed her omnitool. "Go and rest, Commander. I want you to come in again tomorrow morning for a check-up."

Nick simply nodded and headed to her cabin. Getting some rest, and a shower, sounded great, but first she had to write her report for Hackett. She stepped inside with a sigh and sat down at her desk, her eyes lingering on Kaidan's holo. She traced her fingers along his jawline, wishing it weren't only a hologram.

"Fuck," she muttered rubbing her hands over her face. She would try to contact Kaidan after finishing her report. This was too important to put off.

A short while later she had sent both her report to Hackett and tried to contact Kaidan. With a sigh she got up and undressed before stepping into the shower. Nick closed her eyes, letting the water cascade over her head, and slowly rolled her shoulders. Her muscles felt heavy as the adrenaline surge finally subceded, and weariness crept through her limbs. She needed sleep, badly. Drowsiness began to overwhelm her. She turned off the water, wrapped herself in a towel, and stumbled to her bed.

The next morning Nick felt stiff and sore. Groaning, she got up and checked her messages hoping to find an answer from Kaidan before dragging herself down to the medbay, but the last message from him had arrived while she'd still been on Aratoht.

" _Looking forward to seeing you, too. Stay safe. Kaidan._ "

She cast a quick glance at the mirror. Angry red scars crossed her cheeks and forehead, and a reddish glow shone in the depths of her eyes. She scowled at her reflection, wondering again if she shouldn't have taken up the offer to have the scars removed.

"Good morning, Commander," the doctor greeted her a few minutes later. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," Nick admitted, sitting down while Dr. Chakwas ran her examinations. Her thoughts returned to her empty inbox. Maybe Kaidan just hadn't read her email yet, but the lack of response grated on her nerves.

" _Admiral Hackett is requesting permission to board,_ " Joker's voice came over the intercom.

Nick looked up in surprise. "Permission granted." Then, quietly, as though to herself, "That went quick."

A few minutes later the bulkhead opened and the admiral stepped into the medbay just as the Normandy's physician closed her omnitool and signaled Shepard they were finished.

Steven Hackett looked worried as he approached them. "Seems like you've had a rough time," he said by way of greeting. Nick grunted in response, waiting for Hackett to continue. "I thought it to be best if I came out to debrief you in person since I sent you on this mission, but why the hell did you destroy the mass relay?"

"What I said my bloody report!" Nick lashed out, her temper flaring as she jumped to her feet. The admiral said nothing. "Your friend and her team discovered a Reaper artifact, learned that the Reapers planned on using the Alpha relay as a gateway into our galaxy, and developed a plan to destroy the relay. Most importantly though they managed to get indoctrinated because they had the fucking thing sitting _out in the open_ instead of in a goddamn containment field," she growled, pacing back and forth. She stopped and faced Hackett. "If I had had back up we might have been able to warn the colonists!"

Hackett sighed. "But you didn't, and I'm sorry about that. We couldn't know what would happen. Now over three hundred thousand batarians are dead and the Hierarchy wants your head." He held up his hand, beckoning her to hold back her comments. Shepard glared at him, but remained silent. "They don't have much to hold against you, but there's just enough for a witch hunt, and they want you on trial _yesterday_."

"I didn't do anything wrong. I bought billions, no, _trillions_ of lives time to prepare against the Reapers!" Nick's voice rose with indignation. She couldn't believe it. "Fuckers," she muttered.

"You're preaching to the choir, Veronika." The admiral gave her a sympathetic look. "I fully agree with your decision, but it would be best to turn yourself in to the Alliance. You'd be put under house arrest, but also under Alliance protection. We've even found a bodyguard for you."

_A bodyguard?_

"Do I know him?" she asked casually, glancing down at her fingernails.

"No."

* * *

_The Citadel tower library was cool and dim compared to the noise of the charity ball they were escaping. The door closed behind them, muffling the sound of music and conversations._

_They glanced at each other, and, as if by a secret signal, their lips crashed together in a lust-fueled kiss. His hands roamed eagerly down Nick's back to cup her ass, pressing her closer against him. She moaned softly, parting her lips and inviting him to deepen the kiss. His tongue slid over hers, tasting lime, and rum, and a hint of cinnamon._

This is madness _, he thought for a moment as she fumbled with his belt, but the feeling of her hand dipping under the waistband of his skivvies and closing around his growing erection chased every clear thought out of his mind. His hands slipped under her skirt, hitching it further up, and he reveled in the feel of her soft skin as she hooked a leg around him._

_With a low growl he hoisted her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist, her heels digging into his back, her arms now around his neck as she pressed herself against him. They kissed as he carried her to a table, tongues dancing around each other teasingly. He set her down, and stepped back to admire at her. Bewitched he watched as she began unbuttoning the blouse of her dress uniform, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, eyes glittering in the dim light falling through the windows._

_He gently pushed her hands away, undoing the last buttons himself. His heart thudded hard in his chest at the heated look in her eyes. She was so beautiful. He brushed her shirt aside and ran his thumbs over the delicate lacy bra that emphasized her full breasts in the most wonderful way, causing her nipples to pebble._

" _Kaidan," she breathed, his name a prayer on her lips as he gently bit down on a rosy bud through the lace and swirled his tongue around it ..._

A loud knock jolted Kaidan rudely to reality. Momentarily disoriented he looked around, his heart still racing in his chest.

"Kaidan," his sister's voice rang through the door, "you might want to get up and see the news."

He groaned, a mixture of embarrassment and disappointment running through him, very aware of how aroused he was as the last remnant of the dream faded away. Ever since Horizon these vivid dreams had returned, making him simultaneously dread and welcome sleep, and this had been one hell of a memory. It had seemed so real. Rubbing both hands over his face he lay gazing up at the ceiling while he waited for his arousal to subside while memories flashed through his mind. He could nearly taste her kiss, he remembered running his hands to the apex of her thighs, he remembered how ready she had been for him.

 _Stop it_ , he chastised himself.

He still couldn't believe they'd had sex during a charity ball hosted by both the Alliance brass and the Council; it _had_ been madness.

God, he missed Nick. He was sick of only talking to her via vid screen. He finally wanted to see her again, and maybe get a chance to hold her again.

"Give me a moment," he answered, his voice rough with sleep. A glance at his alarm clock told him he had almost an hour before he had to get up and prepare to leave for his next assignment after spending two days in Vancouver. He laid back for a moment and sighed. Whatever had happened must be important, Erin wouldn't have bothered him otherwise, but it would have been nice to see how long the dream went on.

He dressed and went down to the kitchen. His niece was sitting at the counter eating cereal, swinging her legs back and forth as she looked at a comic, oblivious of her surroundings.

"Morning, Lena-bug," he said, ruffling her hair as he passed her to grab some coffee. The young girl waved a hand at him, her eyes glued on the comic laying next to her bowl. He chuckled; he couldn't blame her, he would've done the same thing at her age.

Sipping his coffee he joined his sister in the living room.

"What's up?" he asked.

"Thought you'd want to see this," Erin replied, jutting her chin towards the vid screen. He turned, ready to take another swallow of coffee, and slowly lowered the mug again, his eyes widening as he read the headlines.

" **Breaking News: Alpha relay destroyed - Over three hundred thousand batarians perish in destruction of the Bahak system - Commander Shepard accused of attempted genocide by the batarian Hegemony - Hero of the Blitz and Savior of the Citadel to be court-martialed in Vancouver - more on the morning news …** "

 _What the_ hell _had happened?_

Kaidan glanced at his sister, aware she was watching him closely, and opened his omni'tool. To his surprise he had a new message from Nick in his inbox. He'd missed it the previous evening.

"Kaidan," he read. "Mission went FUBAR, but I'm fine all things considered. Was supposed to rescue a friend of Hackett's and she turned out to be indoctrinated. I'll tell you more when I see you. No idea how big the following shitstorm is going to be. I'll get in touch as soon as I know what's going to happen next. Hope to see you soon. Nick."

Lifting his head he looked back at the vid screen, and reached for the control. He changed the channel. Everywhere the same news was running. Nick was right, "shitstorm" seemed to be about the size of it. He turned on the sound.

"... Shepard has handed herself over to the Alliance. She's expected to arrive in Vancouver in two days time where she will be incarcerated and court-martialed," the news speaker said.

Kaidan sighed inwardly. Of course he was shipping out again that afternoon. What was it going to take so they could just have that dinner together that he'd promised her?


	45. Vancouver 2186

_Six months later_

"There is no evidence the Reapers are really coming. It could all be a ploy by Cerberus." The admirals looked at each other, nodding in agreement. Three sets of eyes turned Shepard's way. "Which leads us to the next point. You worked for a known terrorist organization."

"I didn't work _for_ Cerberus, I worked _with_ them because the Alliance had its head so far up its ass it didn't do a fucking thing to take out the Collectors!" Nick spat, her patience frayed. It was the same thing every week. "How much more proof do you need that the Collectors worked with the Reapers?! They were harvesting human colonies and processing them to build a human Reaper. And you did _nothing_!" She took a deep breath. "I saw it. I _fought_ against it. It was tough, and it wasn't close to being finished!"

"What the Alliance did or didn't do isn't up for debate." One admiral cut her off with a swipe of his hand.

"The fuck it is!" she growled, stepping forward as far as she could, her voice shaking with contained anger. "I'm sick of having to put up with this bullshit. I'm sick of every bit of proof I give being dismissed. I'm so fucking done with telling you the same shit every fucking week. Fuck you!"

"Secure your tongue, Shepard," Admiral Michailovitch said coolly. Nick bristled. That he of all people was on the board judging her made her blood boil, and she was about to reply sharply when a hand landed on her shoulder. She glanced at Anderson standing behind her shaking his head. Nick curled her hands to fists and, taking a deep breath, stepped back.

The admiral leading the tribunal glanced down at the record in front of her briefly. "Considering Shepard's recent displays of anger, the reports of how she handled situations during her time with Cerberus, and her history with anger issues especially in the years 2176 and 2177, I suggest having her attend anger management counseling again. The hearing is adjourned."

"The Reapers are coming, and if all you're doing is sitting here twiddling your thumbs with your heads up your asses, we're going to be fucked. You had better be doing _something_ ," Nick snorted shaking her head in disbelief. She performed a perfect about-face and marched toward the door.

Before leaving the court she turned around once more. "Admiral Michailovich, you were in the battle of the Citadel. You saw and fought Sovereign. You know how many lives it cost to defeat him, and that was only _one_ Reaper. How do you think we're going to fare against ten? Or a hundred?" She didn't wait for the answer, but stepped out of the courtroom, fuming.

Sunshine fell through the large windows of the her confined space while Nick paced the room. She realized she shouldn't complain about her "prison". She had a small apartment to herself; bed sitting room, bathroom, kitchenette, and a pretty nice view of parts of Vancouver and the North Shore Mountains. The view sent a wave of longing through her, and for a moment her thoughts returned to a happier time as she remembered seeing them for the first time with Kaidan.

A mixture of longing and anger rolled through her.

She hadn't talked to him since before she'd gone through the Omega 4 relay; she hadn't talked to any of her crew or her friends since returning to the Alliance.

She was being kept entirely in the dark and she had never felt so alone in her life.

Nearly a week had passed since the last hearing, and almost six months since she had handed the Normandy over to the Alliance. There had been innumerable tests - medical evaluations, psychological evaluations, you name it - run on her to verify she was indeed who she claimed, and that she had _died_. It had taken weeks before it was _officially_ confirmed that she was Commander Veronika Shepard and for her trial to begin, but apparently only after someone had anonymously forwarded the files from Project Lazarus. That was what Anderson had told her when she asked.

Not that it had changed anything. Everything she said was questioned again and again, and then brushed aside. She felt like a hamster in a cage; trapped, running the same stretch every day without getting anywhere. Annoyance welled up in her again, and she felt tension building in her shoulders and neck.

If the brass would only _listen_.

But, here she was; cut off from her friends and crew, stripped of her rank, and on trial for blowing up the Alpha relay and her time with Cerberus. On top of that the Alliance apparently thought she was going to pass on information of some kind. _That_ was the only explanation she could think of for her strictly controlled communications.

She snorted bitterly. The whole situation was ridiculous.

Nick stretched, dropped to the floor, and began her workout. Just thinking about the previous months made her itch to punch something, and the past week had been one of the worst so far; they were wasting so much time.

"Fucking idiots," she muttered, mentally counting each push up. At the count of fifty Nick balled her hands and continued on her fists. "The Reapers." _Push. "_ Are." _Push. "_ Fucking." _Push. "_ Coming."

A scowl fleeted over her face as she stood up to shake out her muscles before slowly running through a kata. She glanced at the clock; it wasn't a gym day and it would be awhile before Lieutenant Vega came to escort her to the mess hall. Almost an hour later she finished her workout gently loosening her muscles before making for the small shower hoping it would wash away the tension together with the sweat.

A short time later Nick dressed thoughtfully. Scrubbing her hands over her face she let out a sigh. She picked up one of the data pads scattered on her small desk and turned it gingerly in her hands while she stared out of the window. The air was heavy and stifling as if a storm was brewing and towering gray clouds loomed over the mountains on the far shore. A short smile fleeted over her face as she watched some kids play on a terrace below.

Nick cast a glance at the datapad in her hand and turned her back at the window. She had written everything she knew about the Reapers down, every memory burned into her mind by the Prothean beacons.

The door slid open and she looked up in surprise to see James Vega walk in.

"Commander," he said, saluting.

She shook her head. "You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James. Stripped of rank, remember?"

"Not supposed to salute you either," he remarked dryly. "We gotta go. The defense committee wants to see you." He turned on his heel and stepped outside holding the door open until she followed, slightly bewildered. _Why would the defense committee want to see her? Her next hearing wasn't scheduled for two more days._

The hallway was much busier than usual, and she glanced around surprised. An unpleasant thought formed in her head.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Why's everyone so busy?

"Don't know," he replied as they walked down the hall. "They just told me they needed to see you. Now."

She slowed down, keeping her eyes on the large marine. "They _needed_ to see me?"

James turned around. "Yeah."

Shaking her head, she caught up with him again. Anderson came down a flight of stairs towards them and she repeated her question.

"What the hell's going on?"

"Admiral Hackett's mobilizing the fleets," Anderson replied. "Something big's headed our way, that's all I can say."

Nick let out a laugh. It was a short, bitter sound. "It's the Reapers, isn't it? Everything's going south and now they come crawling for my help, right? God, they've gotta be fucking kidding me."

"We don't know for sure," came the Admiral's reply, "but the defense committee wants to see you."

"The defense committee is completely useless unless they want to talk the Reapers to death," she muttered. There was an amused snort behind her, and she glanced at Vega over her shoulder to see him hiding his mouth behind his hand.

"They're just scared. They haven't seen what you've seen. You have more knowledge of the Reapers than anybody else here on Earth," Anderson told her.

"Scared my ass. As for 'more knowledge', they haven't believed a word I've told them," she scoffed. "Instead, they grounded me, took away my ship, and put me on trial with no contact to my friends or former crew mates."

"Shepard, what else were they supposed to do?" Anderson asked sternly. "Hundreds of thousands batarians died when you blew up that relay."

Nick threw her hands up in exasperation. "What the hell was _I_ supposed to do? Let the Reapers waltz through the relay? It was the only fucking choice!"

"Language, Veronika," Anderson said, reprimand clear in his voice. She glowered at him, but remained silent. "I know that, and so does the committee, even if it doesn't seem like it right now. You're the best chance we have, and they know it."

She bit back her sarcastic reply as they reached the courtroom access area. An administration secretary told them the committee was already expecting her and Anderson and lead them towards one of the larger courtrooms. Vega came to a stop. He always waited in the visitor's area when she was in a hearing unless he was invited inside. Nick glanced at Anderson, but he had also stopped to talk to another officer. She turned her attention back to James and saw him holding his hand out to her.

"Good luck with the committee, Shepard," he said, shaking her hand firmly.

"Thank you, James," she replied. "If it really is the Reapers then we're all going to need it."

The lieutenant nodded slowly and she heard Anderson asking someone "How did it go in there, Major?"

"Okay, I think. Hard to know. I'm just waiting for orders now."

The raspy voice made her stop short. She shot a quick look at James before turning around, her breath catching in her throat as she caught sight of the man she most longed to see.

"Kaidan," she said, walking slowly towards him. A medley of feelings crashed over her as she met his gaze, his amber eyes shining and the corners of his mouth pulling into his typical lopsided smile. Her heart pounded in her chest as she drank him in, noting the little changes she had missed during their vid calls; the snug fit of his clean-cut uniform perfectly accentuating the expanse of his chest, the beginning gray at his temples. Heat flooded through her.

By all Gods, he was so handsome.

_Great, the Alliance is possibly under attack, and you get turned on._

* * *

 

Kaidan glanced over Anderson's shoulder, Nick's familiar frame catching his attention. He had tried so many times the past six months to contact her, and he had never succeeded. Every attempt had been cut short. Now she was in the same room he was, and was talking to one of the largest marines he'd ever seen. Curiosity surged through him as he watched them, but he presumed she was waiting to testify just as he had.

Maybe they would have a chance to talk before she was called in.

His eyes snapped back to the admiral at the question about how his hearing had gone. Truthfully, he didn't know. It wasn't the first time he'd been called on to testify, but today was the first time he had had the impression the board was actually paying attention. There had been a tension in the air that was almost palpable. Even now there was a static surrounding everything that made it difficult to keep his biotics under control. He could _feel_ the dark energy crawling under his skin.

 _Something_ had changed.

He cast another look past Anderson, and his mouth went dry as his gaze met Nick's. Their eyes locked as she walked towards him. He turned to face her fully, unable to tear his gaze away, and opened his mouth to greet her.

"Admiral," he heard the voice of one of the administration clerks, "the committee is ready for you now."

Frustration and disappointment ran through him as Anderson stepped into his line of sight intercepting Shepard and guiding her towards the courtroom. The same emotions slid over her face like a passing shadow as she looked back over her shoulder. He let out a slow sigh, watching her retreating form wistfully, and whispered her name.

She had been so close, so very _close_.

His hands curled to fists briefly as the doors closed behind her, and muttered under his breath, "Damn."

"You know the Commander?"

Kaidan turned his head in surprise. The unknown marine Shepard had been talking to had stepped next to him and had probably seen both his expression and heard his little comment. He looked at the courtroom doors again. Completely inappropriate images danced through his head as he thought of how intimately he had got to know her.

"Yeah," he answered, his gaze unfocused as he continued to stare towards where Shepard had disappeared for her hearing. "I, uh, served under her for a while."

Silence followed his answer and he turned to see the other man studying him carefully. Kaidan watched him glance at his name tag and his rank insignia.

"Really?" Disbelief colored the marine's voice.

"Really. She was my commanding officer a few years back," Kaidan replied coolly, annoyance creeping up on him. He gave himself a shake. "You know her?" he asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"Lieutenant James Vega," the other introduced himself. "I've been the Commander's bodyguard since she turned herself in."

Kaidan raised an eyebrow and gestured for Vega to walk with him.

"You've seen her every day the past six months?" _Lucky bastard._

"Pretty much, yeah," Vega returned. "Anderson assigned me the minute she handed the Normandy over to the Alliance."

Kaidan nodded slowly. Sometimes he wondered if the admiral knew more about what had happened between him and Nick, or if it was pure coincidence that they had sometimes missed each other by mere hours. Anderson had also been the one that had told him several times to stop trying to contact her; " _Until the trial is over,_ " the admiral had said.

His omnitool pinged. It was Ashley. With an apologetic gesture at James he stopped and took the call.

" _Kaidan_ ," there was a hint of panic in her voice he hadn't heard since their first meeting on Eden Prime when she had witnessed the slaughter of her platoon. The barking sound of suppressing fire could be heard in the background. " _They're here. The Reapers. Get everybody you care for to safety!_ "

"Ash, where -," he began.

 _"Just do it!_ " she barked and disconnected the call. The pressure in the air seemed almost unbearable suddenly. Swearing under his breath he dialed his sister's number. Nobody answered. If he was lucky she was already heading out to the orchard with her family; he knew his parents had already left.

He felt the low, familiar hum of a Reaper before he heard it; it seemed to reverberate through his whole body, starting at the base of his skull and growing steadily louder.

"Dios!" James exclaimed. "Do you hear that? What _is_ that?"

Kaidan nodded, and headed back towards the courtroom, motioning for Vega to follow him. "Reapers," he answered the lieutenant's question just as a blast knocked him off his feet and he staggered against Vega. They crashed to the floor and scrambled back to their feet, coughing.

Dust filled the air and debris lay scattered around them. Several other people also tried getting up; a few lay still. Too still.

He staggered to a woman lying on the ground nearby and checked for life signs. There were none. Shaking his head he moved to the next body while James helped a young man to his feet. Kaidan gazed through the gaping hole at the chaos outside. His gut churned.

This was his home.

Grinding his teeth he opened his omnitool and tried getting a connection built up with Anderson.

" _Major ...enko, … that you?_ " The admiral's voice was disrupted by static.

Kaidan answered in the affirmative, holding the omnitool close to his ear to make out the words in the feeble connection. " _Get to … ormandy! We … meet you ...ere,_ " were the last words he could make out before the connection broke off. He hoped Anderson also meant Shepard with "we".

"Vega!" he called. "We're heading for the Normandy!"


	46. Escape

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay!

The eerie droning of a Reaper beam filled the air as they dashed along a hallway. Explosions followed, and screams and gunfire rang through the streets outside. Kaidan grit his teeth, worry for his family - and for Nick - slicing through his guts like an icy knife. He didn't have the time to dwell on wondering if they had made it out of Vancouver safely. He had a job to do, and that was getting to the Normandy. Once he was aboard maybe he would find the time to contact his family.

"We need some weapons!" James called over his shoulder.

Straightening up Kaidan rolled his shoulders, his biotics tingling under his skin like a thousand little pin pricks. Vega was right. Getting to a weapons locker would be useful. It was less than half a kilometer to the Normandy, but who knew what they were going to run into.

"Normandy's dock isn't that far, but we'll pick up whatever we find." He looked at James with a stony expression, his voice oddly emotionless, before turning away again, his gaze sweeping the rubble around them. "We have to keep moving."

James followed wordlessly. Kaidan knew he was keeping an eye out for anything they could use as a weapon as they hurried toward the docks.

He strode forward purposefully, only stopping now and then to check on a fallen body before jogging on. He barked orders at any Alliance personnel they came across, either sending them to guard choke points so they wouldn't have to deal with Reaper forces falling into their backs before they reached the Normandy, or to check for wounded. One group had weapons to spare, and both men gladly accepted the offered assault rifles.

"Normandy, do you copy?" Kaidan asked as they moved on, tapping his comm with a curse when he only received static. "I hope Anderson managed to contact them," he muttered under his breath and looked at James. "And that they have a good helmsman aboard."

They reached Normandy's dry dock with little resistance only to find a large group of husks between them and the ship. Kaidan's biotics sprang to life, filling the air with a hint of ozone as the dark energy crackled around him, anger and fear fueling his power. Thrusting his arm forward in a fluid motion he caught a number of husks in a Warp. Before the dark energy dissipated the orangish glow of his omnitool illuminated the smoke-filled air as he sent out an Overload at the husks still enveloped by his biotic attack.

"No wonder you weren't worried about finding weapons," James commented shouldering his rifle after picking off the last husks as the explosion subsided. "Those biotics and tech skills are pretty impressive. Bet they sure come in handy at times."

"Yeah," Kaidan answered curtly as they moved toward the Normandy's airlock. A twinge of guilt ran through him for brushing off Vega's comment so brusquely. They paused briefly to wait for the hatch to open, and stepped inside as the hatch closed with a hiss behind them. Kaidan didn't hesitate, but walked swiftly towards the helm only to stop short as he found himself looking at an old friend he hadn't seen in over two years. Silence spread between them and he could almost feel Vega's questioning gaze jumping from him to Joker.

"Good to see you here, Joker. Anderson and Shepard are on their way," Kaidan said a split second before the silence turned awkward.

"You could have sent a message sometime, asshole," the helmsman replied, turning his attention back to the consoles in front of him. "You're just in time, by the way. We've completed the pre-flight list and were just about to get airborne." He was about to say more when Kaidan's comm crackled.

" _... can't make it … Normandy. At downed shuttle by … activating distr… beacon,_ " Anderson's voice cut through the air.

"Joker," Kaidan said sharply as the distress signal lit up on the screen, "get us there ASAP."

Moments later he was down in Normandy's shuttle hold, assault rifle in his hands, watching the loading ramp open. His eyes roamed the scene before him before landing on two figures running along the pier with more Reaper forces appearing at their six. He brought his weapon to the ready.

"Suppressing fire," he ordered, his voice much calmer than he expected as he picked his target to make sure the hostile troops couldn't fire at Shepard and Anderson. He shouldered his weapon as they drew closer and stepped to the edge of the ramp. Kaidan watched Shepard sprint towards the Normandy and extended a hand to help her regain her balance after jumping the gap between vessel and pier. His fingers closed around her hand, pulling her to safety.

"Welcome aboard, Shepard." His eyes met hers, grateful his voice sounded even while his heart thundered in his chest as though he had been running a race. He gave her hand a squeeze before adding, "I'm glad you made it." _Lame,_ a voice whispered in his mind; he was more than just glad. His gaze lingered on her for a moment after she had thanked him and turned to face Anderson. He gave himself a shake and focused on scanning the area for hostiles while listening to the conversation - argument - between the other two officers with one ear. Oily smoke billowed through the air burning in his lungs, and tears stung in his eyes. He resisted wiping them as the ramp closed, blocking the view of the destruction laid to his hometown, but blinked them away rapidly on his way to the weapon's bench.

He had just finished reassembling his rifle when he heard Vega question Nick's order to head for the Citadel. Kaidan winced. He couldn't see Shepard's face, but he could tell by her posture that the lieutenant was in for a harsh reply. His eyes traveled over her form, trying not to think of how shapely she looked in her utility uniform. His line of thought was interrupted by an incoming transmission from Admiral Hackett, and he let out a slow, grateful breath.

A short time later Kaidan let his gaze drift through the shuttle bay as he finished suiting up, wondering what they would find on Mars. It was nearly empty. He glanced over to the weapons bench where Lieutenant Vega was busy, his back toward the shuttle, and watched Shepard climb into the Kodiak. Taking a deep breath he stepped onto the shuttle as well. Shepard was standing behind the pilot's seat, drumming the fingers of one hand on the headrest, the other placed on her hip, and staring out of the virtual window. He stopped and looked back over his shoulder before approaching her.

"Nick," he said softly as he stepped next to her. "With all the chaos I haven't had a moment to catch you alone." She snorted and turned around to face him, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. The small movement was enough to let Kaidan smell the familiar scent of citrus shampoo and spicy shower gel. He fought down the urge to close his eyes and take a deep breath. She leaned against the pilot's seat, her eyes roaming his face expectantly, and he swallowed as he returned the gaze. "This, uh, wasn't exactly how I'd pictured finally getting a chance to talk to you. There were much less explosions and gunfire, and less Reapers," he rambled on, suddenly nervous, and rubbed the back of his neck.

"I certainly hope there were less Reapers." A small smile played at her lips. Her eyes twinkled as she gazed up at him. "I sure as hell hadn't planned on them being there when I finally get those Fish 'n Chips you promised me."

He was about to answer when a noise just outside the shuttle caught his attention. Vega entered the shuttle carrying a crate of grenades.

"We're all set," the lieutenant stated, putting the box down and stepping into the small cockpit.

Shepard nodded towards the seat. "Then get us in the air, James," she said, moving slightly to the side to let Vega sit down in the pilot's seat, her eyes lingering on Kaidan just a moment longer before she turned to face the shuttle's window.

Kaidan suppressed a sigh. Casting a short glance at Nick he went to the back of the shuttle and took place on the bench. He pulled the floor plan of the facility up on his omnitool, trying to memorize as much of it as possible while his gaze kept wandering to the helm.

* * *

" _And there's a storm moving in, so you'll have to be quick_ ," Joker let them know after telling them that the facility was not responding to any hails, but that it appeared to be online.

The stormfront was clearly visible when they stepped onto Mars' dusty surface. Shepard asked Vega for a time estimate until the storm hit, and motioned them to keep moving. The wind howled around them, growing steadily stronger as they headed towards the facility. Another sign something was amiss at the facility apart from the radio silence was the corpse of an Alliance soldier they passed.

The sound of gunfire echoed through the rocky gorge and they skidded to a halt. Shepard crept slowly towards a barricade and peeked around the corner.

"Holy shit!" Vega exclaimed. "They're executing them!"

"Looks like," Shepard replied quietly, assembling her sniper rifle. Kaidan raised an eyebrow in surprise. It was easily the largest sniper rifle he'd ever seen; he didn't even want to think of the strength needed to handle it. She aligned her shot, and one of the hostile troopers dropped, his head exploding in a spray of blood.

The hostile forces immediately fanned out to engage them in battle. Kaidan gathered dark energy around him and threw one of the troopers crashing into two others. They tumbled to the ground. James whooped, tossing a grenade in their midst while Shepard continued to pick off targets with her rifle.

Moments later the path was clear. Kaidan rolled over one of the fallen bodies with his foot as they passed them. He frowned at the Cerberus emblem on the hardsuit and followed Shepard, gripping his assault rifle tightly with both hands.

Another hostile group stood between them and the entrance of the base. Shepard never slowed down. Jumping over a small precipice she charged at the nearest assault trooper. Kaidan sent a Cryoblast at one enemy. Out of the corner of his eye Kaidan saw her unfold her omniblade and drive it between neck and shoulder of her target. It was a reckless move, and for a moment he was taken aback. Another trooper showed up behind her and Kaidan was about to call out a warning when she spun around in the nick of time, her blade cutting through the soft neck guard of a second trooper. Kaidan returned his focus to the few remaining enemies.

"Doesn't look like they came here in force," James mentioned, looking at the scattered bodies of the Cerberus foot soldiers.

"Maybe they had inside help," Kaidan considered thoughtfully. He gazed at the facility, recalling the schematics of the building he had studied on the shuttle. "You could hold this place forever and a day with minimal forces."

"You might be right." Shepard activated the door console and stepped into the elevator. "We'll just have to be careful as we advance."

An uneasy feeling settled in Kaidan's gut and he stepped close to Nick. "What's Cerberus doing here? Any ideas, Shepard?"

Nick threw a confused look at him. "Why do you think I'd know anything about this? Do you think I wouldn't have told the Alliance if I'd heard a rumor about a possible Cerberus attack?" she growled, her eyes suddenly cold as ice behind the visor of her helmet.

"No, that's not what I think," Kaidan replied quietly, adjusting his thoughts. "I just … you worked for them. They … they rebuilt you, gave you resources."

"Goddammit, Alenko!" Shepard spun around, glaring at him angrily. "I didn't work for Cerberus for fucks sake! I worked with them because our precious Alliance and those jackasses on the Council didn't do a fucking thing! You know that!" She paused to unseal her helmet and pull it off as soon as the elevator was pressurized. Brushing a strand of black hair out of her face she scowled him. "And how exactly should I have learned of this, huh? It's not like I've been getting weekly status updates or so. If you thought I was receiving messages maybe you'd like to explain why you didn't bother getting in touch!"

He closed his eyes and cursed himself mentally. "That's not what I meant -"

"The Commander hasn't been in touch with anybody since being put under house arrest," James threw in. Kaidan shot a quick glance in his direction and nodded once before returning his gaze to Nick. She watched him silently, blue eyes flashing and the corners of her mouth tugging downward.

"I thought we were past this, Kaidan," she said softly, walking past him as soon as the elevator came to a stop, the disappointment in her voice undeniable. "Please trust me."

The sound of gunfire and someone crawling through ventilation ducts caught their attention before he had time to answer. They took cover, eyes roaming through the space in front of them.

The last thing Kaidan expected to see though was Liara jumping out of the ventilation shaft and shooting two Cerberus troopers after catching them in a Singularity. He was impressed; three years earlier she wouldn't have reacted so quickly.

After hesitating a moment he walked over to Shepard and Liara. The asari turned to face him after she had greeted Nick, her bright blue eyes harder than he remembered. "Kaidan, good to see you. Have you heard from Ash? Did she make it off Earth?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "We talked just before the Reapers hit Vancouver, but communications went down quickly. I hope she made it out." He hesitated. "I would have thought she'd try to contact you first."

Liara shook her head. "We talked last night, but I couldn't get through when I tried to call her today. Maybe she had the same problem."

Nick looked back and forth between them. "Am I missing something?"

"I'll tell you later," Liara replied. "Now, what brings you to Mars?"

"Hackett ordered us to come," Nick said. "He told us you knew something."

Liara smiled. "I do. Hackett got me access to the archives while you were under house arrest," she explained. "I discovered plans for a prothean device that could help against the Reapers. It seems to be a blueprint, possibly for a weapon. The protheans came close to destroying the Reapers, but they ran out of time. If I read this all correctly, this is the key to defeating them. If we can build it."

"Or get it before Cerberus does," Shepard muttered. "Because anything powerful enough to defeat the Reapers -."

"Is probably something the Illusive Man would want to get his hands on," Kaidan finished, looking straight at Nick.

Holding his gaze she nodded. "You got it. Okay Liara, where do we have to go?" she inquired.

Liara pointed out of the large windows toward a transportation hub in the background. "That tramway leads straight to the archives, but I don't know how close Cerberus is already. I'm sure they'll try to stop us."

"So it's a race to these archives?" James asked. Liara simply nodded.

Kaidan shifted his weight, the hair on the back of his neck suddenly standing on end as he opened his omnitool with a flick of his wrist to scan the area for hostiles. "Speaking of, we've got incoming. The way back seems clear, but there are tangos moving our way on the upper level."

James checked the clip on his rifle. "Bring it on."

"Not this time, James," Shepard said. The lieutenant began to protest, but she cut him off. "We need somebody to cover our backs. Get to the shuttle, and get in touch with the Normandy. And don't even think of arguing, that's an order." She pulled her sniper rifle and turned away from the junior officer, not worrying about his response.

James swore under his breath as he stepped onto the elevator. Kaidan couldn't blame him. He cast a quick glance at the lieutenant before opening the fabrication unit of his omnitool. A sense of shame for the relief _he_ felt at not being the one having to go back rippled through him. It was the right decision to send somebody to the shuttle, they all knew that, but he could imagine how Vega felt.


	47. Mars

The elevator taking Vega back to the lower level had just disappeared when a door slid open with a hiss on the upper level followed by the sound of heavy boots running towards their position. They moved quickly into cover while Cerberus soldiers poured onto the balcony. Liara caught the first group in a Singularity and Shepard was about to pick them off when she felt the familiar tingling of dark energy being gathered. Next to her Kaidan flared brightly and a bluish bolt surged away from him, detonating the singularity in a biotic explosion.

A thrill ran through Nick at Kaidan's little display of biotic power. It felt _good_ fighting alongside him again. The air surrounding him crackled with biotic energy and she was close enough for her to feel it; a static build-up that made her skin prickle. She had missed seeing him in action and one thing was certain, he wasn't holding back. He was stronger, faster, and much more assertive than he had been three years ago. It was _exciting_. Taking a deep breath she waited for the explosion to subside before zeroing in on the next hostile.

Once the last hostile was down they searched for a way to the upper level.

"This is supposed to be a secure station. How did Cerberus even get in here?" Kaidan asked, jumping onto a crate and from there onto a vehicle lift. The maintenance elevator had been tampered with leaving this the only way up.

"I don't know," Liara admitted. "One moment we were getting reports of the Reaper invasion, the next chaos broke loose. We didn't even realize it was Cerberus at first."

"This is a little outlandish, but could they be working with the Reapers?" Kaidan suggested.

The very thought sent an unpleasant shiver down Shepard's back, like ice cold water trickling down her spine. No, Cerberus _had_ given her resources to fight the Collectors and the Collectors had worked for the Reapers. On the other hand the Illusive Man had demanded that she save the Collector base and he'd been less than happy when she destroyed it.

"Doubtful," she replied before Liara could, casting a quick glance at him before jumping over a banister. Doubt continued to gnaw at her as she walked on. "Then again, Timmy was pretty pissed when I destroyed the Collector base with its Reaper tech, so I suppose anything is possible. I can't imagine anybody being so delusional, though." The moment the words left her mouth memories of Saren and Lady Benezia flooded her mind. "Unless he's indoctrinated," she added thoughtfully.

Gunfire and muffled yells sounded from the next room and they wordlessly took position at the door. After exchanging a brief glance with Kaidan and Liara Shepard opened it revealing a room filled with thick, acrid smoke. A grenade detonated, sending a body flying through the air. Nick ducked into the room, staying low and scooting past a large pipe which hindered a clear shot at the enemy, aware of the other two moving in after her.

"We've done a sweep through the residence. Going to check on Able Squad. They're not reporting in," a Cerberus trooper said into his comm.

Shepard motioned her squad to stay in cover, fully intending to have surprise on her side. Shuffling along the half-wall of pipes she moved closer to the trooper, taking up position behind him. She cast a quick glance up over her shoulder. Her target was still speaking on his radio, his back turned towards her, and the other Cerberus forces in the room also seemed unaware of their presence. Taking a deep breath she shot up, grabbing the enemy and driving her omniblade into his throat.

A movement on her right flank made Nick spin around, but before she had closed the gap between her and the approaching foe he was suddenly enveloped in undulating waves of blue. The short, barking fire of a heavy pistol sounded and he fell to the ground lifeless. Dropping back into cover she glanced to the side to meet Kaidan's gaze. He was surrounded by telltale wisps of biotics, and she was certain he had taken care of the second attacker. She gave him a quick smile, mouthing "Thank you" and returned her focus on the remaining hostiles, but she was more flustered than she wanted to admit; she shouldn't have been flanked so easily.

"We need access to the pedway control system. There should be a console nearby," Liara said as they moved into the next room. "Here!" The asari led them to a control room filled with surveillance monitors and powered up a terminal. Almost immediately she cursed. "Damn it. Security has been tampered with! I'll try to get us live feed from the surveillance cameras. Shepard, try gaining access to the pedway from that computer." Liara pointed to another screen.

Kaidan chuckled despite their situation as he walked into the small control room, circling around his own axis slowly, his weapon at the ready. "You sure that's the best idea, Liara? Remember what she did to that console on Noveria?"

"Hey!" Nick said, shooting him an indignant glare as she pulled back the chair and sat down. "A little more confidence in my abilities, please." She knit her eyebrows as she focused on finding the controls for the pedway, listening to the conversation next to her with one ear.

"I have the fullest confidence in your abilities, just not when it comes to anything tech related," Kaidan let her know drily.

"Very funny, Alenko! It's not like I have to hack anything here!" Nick turned her attention back to the screen suppressing a smile, memories of Kaidan running her through simple hacking programs during their shore leave popping into her mind; lazy days spent in bed with him trying to improve her tech abilities and her distracting him. "It's just a matter of finding - ."

"I can't unlock the live feeds, only recordings," Liara interrupted. Nick glanced up the screens briefly and scowled. Having access to the live feeds would have been a small advantage, but they would have to make do without. Security footage began playing on one of the monitors showing a darkhaired woman with a pistol accessing a terminal.

Something about her felt off.

"Can you stop the recording?" Kaidan asked stepping closer to the screen. Apparently she wasn't the only one who had a strange feeling about the unknown woman. "Who's that woman? She's armed. Was this before or after the Cerberus attack? There's no time stamp visible," he asked in quick succession.

Liara looked at the recording thoughtfully. "That's Dr. Eva Coré. She arrived here about a week ago. It must be after the attack, I don't know why else she would be armed." She turned to Shepard. "Any luck?"

Nick frowned at the information on her screen, shook her head, and got up. "The pedway's locked out. We'll have to find another way."

"We can get out on the roof," Liara suggested, "and find a way around from there."

Shepard nodded and put on her helmet as she walked briskly toward the airlock.

The stormfront loomed threateningly in the distance and harsh winds pulled at them as soon as the airlock was open. They stepped outside, fighting the howling winds with every step as the dust whirling around them became denser by the minute. They had to wrap this up quickly, and not only because of Cerberus. The tramway was still visible through the dust, maybe two hundred meters away, but they would have to go around to access it.

Muzzle flashes on a tram heading to the far end of the tramway caught her attention. The question was who was defending the far station.

"Looks like the Alliance is still putting up a fight," Kaidan said with grim satisfaction in his voice as they paused for a brief moment to watch the firefight. Nick silently agreed with him. It was good to see that Cerberus wasn't in complete control of the facility yet.

"That tram goes to the archives," Liara let them know. "Once Cerberus is across there is nothing between them and the archives."

Nick exhaled softly. "Then we better hurry. Move out."

They had only covered a short distance when a garbled transmission from James reached them. All they could understand was that he had lost contact to the Normandy, but the interference caused by the storm was too strong to make out the rest of what he said.

"I didn't read that, repeat!" Shepard waited a moment, but only heard static over the comms. "James? Lieutenant, repeat!" The radio crackled. "Damn it!"

Swearing under her breath and shaking her head angrily she climbed up a ladder and jumped onto the neighboring building, stopping short at the sight of an open airlock. They slowed down, coming to a halt a few steps away from it.

"This airlock shouldn't be open," Liara said in a flat voice. "It leads to a small cafeteria."

"It doesn't look like it was forced open," Kaidan commented. He had stepped closer to the airlock and begun examining it. Nick could practically _hear_ his frown.

"No, you have to override security protocols to open it," Liara agreed.

A sense of foreboding washed over Nick as she stepped into the dark, unlit building. An open security airlock during an attack was seldom a good sign, and since all Cerberus troops they had encountered so far were wearing helmets they most likely weren't affected by it. After only a few steps she found confirmation for her line of thought - an unarmored figure lying on the floor in the beam of her flashlight. Her throat constricted at the sight of blackened, distorted features. Nick swallowed. She remembered the sound of air escaping her hardsuit, knowing there was no way for her to stop it, and the blackness that had followed. These people had barely had any time to realize what had happened before losing consciousness, she reminded herself.

"By the Goddess, somebody vented the air from this room while people were still here!" Liara exclaimed, horror and disgust seeping through. "This was brutal."

"It was a fairly quick death," Shepard replied in a level voice, focusing on what she had learned during her training. She didn't want to admit that those last seconds had probably felt like eternity to these poor sods. "It takes about ten seconds to lose consciousness in this atmosphere as it's a near vacuum. Am I right, Alenko?"

She turned her head to look at Kaidan, wondering if his thoughts had made the same jump hers had and had taken him to the destruction of the SR-1. Their eyes met, and for a moment neither said anything.

Kaidan swallowed. "Yes," he finally answered, his voice sounding rough. "That's a good estimate."

Shepard moved on, stepping over another body. She gripped her shotgun tightly as she made her way carefully through the dark mess room.

Muffled voices reached them as they carefully continued through the mess hall and lights in the hallway suddenly lit up. Half a dozen Cerberus troopers were assembled in the corridor blocking the entrance to the next area. Narrowing her eyes Shepard took in the situation. Four hostiles stood close together and at least two more were covering their six on either flank. She pursed her lips and slid carefully back into cover.

"Liara," Nick whispered, "I want you to catch those four fuckers in a Singularity as soon as the glass is gone. Kaidan, you detonate it. Give me a nice big biotic blast."

Not waiting for their replies Shepard brought her shotgun to the ready and fired, shattering the glass. Instantly the other two followed her orders while she dropped back into cover and switched to her sniper rifle, picking her target as soon as the explosion subsided.

Access to the adjacent lab area was locked down until they found the control to close the open airlock and pressurize the room. There was a small control room to their right and they began searching it for a manual override of the airlock and environmental controls.

"Hey, that looks like a recording of what happened here," Kaidan pointed out, gesturing at a monitor. Shepard looked at the frozen image on the screen, and pressed play. They watched as the woman from the earlier security video shot the guards in the back of their heads and then got to work at one of the terminals. Seconds later sirens started blaring, and everybody working inside dropped to the ground clawing at their throats as they suffocated.

"Guess we know how Cerberus got in," Shepard remarked after a moment of silence.

Liara was shocked. "I should have noticed something," she murmured, shaking her head incredulously. "I should have realized something was wrong when I met her. I was just so focused on finding a way to stop the Reapers I didn't pay much attention to her."

"It's not your fault, Liara. You can't change what happened here, and stopping the Reapers is what everybody should be focused on," Nick replied.

"But what if we're wrong?" Liara asked, wringing her hands. "What if we can't stop the Reapers and we're spending our last days trying to solve a problem we can't fix?" She took a deep breath and turned around to face Shepard. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't talk like that. How do you do it? How do you always stay focused, no matter how bad the situation?"

Nick gave a short shrug and glanced at Kaidan who was guarding the doorway. "I just think of what I lose if I give up. There's too much at stake for me to fail."

Liara crossed her arms with a knowing expression. "That's a terrible burden."

"We'll stop them." Nick placed her hand on Liara's shoulder and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "I may not be able to change the past, but I sure as hell aren't going to give up. If there's something I'm good at then it's fighting. It's why I'm a soldier."

They quickly encountered more hostile forces on their way, asking the most of their abilities in close quarter combat as they battled their way through the labs.

At last they reached the door leading to the tram station. Shepard pushed the button of the door panel, and froze as she watched a large ceiling-mounted turret swivel toward them. With a curse she dove to the side.

"I take it this is the only way to the tram station?" Kaidan asked, glancing around the corner.

"It's the only way I know of," Liara replied with an apologetic shrug.

"Fucking perfect," Nick muttered. "At least there's enough cover."

"I'll move up first," Kaidan said, and before Shepard could protest he left his position. The turret immediately started firing, but he was one step ahead, skirting around the edges. After clearing the turret without any difficulties they found the next room filled with more hostile forces. The air rapidly filled with acrid haze of grenades and spent heat sinks, flashes of biotic blue and the orange glow of omnitools bathing the room in an eerie light.

"Looks like they made it to the archives," Liara said glancing at the monitor once the last trooper had been eliminated.

"Yeah, and I doubt they'll just send us a tram," Kaidan put in sarcastically.

Shepard shot him a quick glance and shook her head, a small smile teasing her lips. She looked at Liara. "Can you override it?" she asked.

"No, the archives are on separate network. We're completely locked out."

"Not necessarily," Kaidan put in. He seemed to be thinking out loud. Nick and Liara turned to face him with matching looks of surprise. "If we found a short-range communicator, helmet-to-helmet, we might be able to convince them we're on their side. Tell them the Alliance forces have been taken care of, something like that," he elaborated.

For a moment nobody said anything as they let Kaidan's words sink in.

"How sneaky! Why didn't I think of that? I like it!" Shepard finally replied sounding impressed. "I had no idea you could be so devious. See what you can find." Kaidan nodded once, and headed towards the door. She watched him walk away before turning her attention back to Liara. "What?"

Liara smiled. "Oh, nothing. Kaidan seems to have become very capable."

"He's always been capable," Nick said. "He just needed a tiny push to be a little more assertive."

"Have you two made up?"

"Not yet," Nick answered. "Not properly, anyway. I plan on it once we're back on the Normandy."

"Shepard!" Kaidan called from the adjacent room. "I've found something."

Nick jogged lightly over to him, not waiting for Liara to follow her. He was busy fiddling with the helmet.

"He has a transmitter in his helmet," Kaidan explained as soon as she stepped next to him. "If I can -." He stopped short and paled as the visor lifted showing them the trooper's face. "My God. He looks like a husk." His voice was rough with horror as he stood up and stepped away from the corpse.

Nick knelt down. Glowing bluish veins ran down the trooper's sickly pale face. His unseeing eyes were surrounded by dark shadows and they glowed in the same unnatural light as the cracks in his skin. Kaidan was right - the trooper's appearance resembled a husk.

"Yeah," she said quietly, bringing her face closer to the trooper before pulling away, her nose wrinkled in disgust. "They've certainly done something to him."

"They?" Kaidan echoed. "And by 'they' you mean Cerberus? They did this to their own guy?" He hesitated. "Is this what they did to you?"

Nick stood up abruptly looking as though she'd been slapped. "What the hell, Kaidan? You're calling me a _husk_?! That's not fair! How can you compare me to … him?" She waved a hand at the body lying on the floor.

"I'm not calling you a husk! That's not what I meant," he groaned, tilting his head back and staring up at the ceiling before looking back at her.

"Then what did you mean, Alenko? Because I'd really like to know," she snapped angrily.

His eyes roamed her face as he chose his words. "I mean, do you know what Cerberus did to you when they rebuilt you? How do you know they didn't experiment on you? Or build in a kill switch to control you?"

"First of all I know that the Illusive Man wanted me brought back like I was before," Nick snarled, stepping closer to him, a defiant look in her eyes. "And secondly, Miranda would have told me. I am who I am, who I always was, but words aren't going to convince you, are they?"

"I -," Kaidan swallowed, furrowing his brow as she continued to glare at him. His gaze darted to the unmasked Cerberus trooper. "Probably not," he finally admitted with a sigh as he looked back at her. "I trust you, Nick, but I don't trust Cerberus and I'm worried about you. I miss you, but this - I don't know." His voice trailed off, his gaze wandering back to the dead trooper.

"Yeah, I know. You were always stubborn." Nick muttered, ignoring his disbelieving " _Me?_ ". She pushed past him and leaned against the railing while her gaze swept over the room in front of her. Liara joined them again, and after taking a few deep breaths Nick said, "Okay. Let's see if this idea of yours comes together."


	48. The Archives

Nick lifted the radio to her lips, casting a glance at Kaidan from the corner of her eye. "This is Delta team. Is anybody there?"

He moved next to her, and she held his gaze for a moment before he looked away sheepishly. A wave of satisfaction rolled over her.

" _About time! Where the hell have you been?"_ a distorted voice answered. Ignoring the question, Shepard simply replied all hostiles were terminated, and requested pick-up. A pause followed, and she swallowed, wondering if they had taken the bait. " _Echo team will ride over and secure the station._ "

Shepard let out a careful breath before gesturing Kaidan and Liara to take their positions. Moving behind a large crate, granting her cover and a good view of the tram line, she assembled her sniper rifle, and waited.

They wouldn't have much time to spring their trap.

The tram carrying the Cerberus forces arrived only moments later. Nick gazed through her scope patiently until the first hostile was in her crosshairs. A muffled shot rang out as she fired, hitting true.

Yells filled the air as their foes scattered. Liara caught several in a Singularity which detonated mere seconds later, while Shepard pulled a grenade from her belt and tossed it into the tram where more hostiles had taken cover. Kaidan's omnitool flashed as he stripped a Centurion of his shields, giving Shepard the opportunity to take him down. For a mere moment **,** she was so focused on her target she almost missed the grenade launched towards her cover. Cursing she threw herself to the side at the last moment. The blast tore through the air, knocking her off balance. With a grunt, she landed hard on her shoulder. Ignoring the pain shooting through her she used her momentum and rolled to her feet.

"Shepard!" Kaidan called out, firing his pistol at another trooper. The concern in his voice was unmistakable. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Nick replied, searching the room for more hostiles. A warm feeling spread through her. Kaidan still cared. No matter his doubts about what Cerberus had done to her, he still cared. A Guardian stepped into view, and she fired. Silence spread through the room as the shot faded away. Nick grimaced as she joined the others, rolling her shoulder carefully. She didn't think it was dislocated, but it still hurt like seven hells. There was sure to be one hell of a bruise later. After administering another dose of medigel she let out a small sigh of relief. Her gaze drifted over the fallen bodies and landed on the spare clips of the guardian she had just shot. After quickly checking her own supply, she bent over and picked them up.

"Stock up on clips, and then we move on," she ordered before picking up another clip and stepping onto the cable car.

They had crossed perhaps half the distance to the other station when an explosion shook the car, bringing it to a sudden halt. Nick tried to keep her footing, stumbling against the control panel.

"There's another tram coming our way!" Liara called.

"They really don't want us getting to those archives, do they?" Kaidan asked, activating his biotic barrier.

Nick's mouth went dry as she looked into the swirling blue of his eyes.

"Well," she replied, tearing her gaze away from him and watching the approaching tram instead, "they're out of fucking luck, because that's where we're going, and they aren't going to stop us."

Moments later they had overwhelmed the Cerberus soldiers in the other car and continued on their way to the archives. As they approached the station Kaidan cleared his throat.

"Shepard."

She turned to look at him. His eyes were locked on his omnitool. "Yeah?"

"There are a shitload of tangos ahead," he told them.

Nick frowned. "I need more info than that."

Kaidan looked up and gave her a number. Her eyes widened. "You're kidding."

He shook his head, holding his omnitool so she could look for herself, and she swore under her breath as the car began to slow down. They were vastly outnumbered; this was going to be a tough fight.

* * *

Once all hostiles had been terminated they moved towards the archives. The doors opened to reveal a large circular room. An enormous Prothean artifact throned in its midst, illuminating everything with a greenish glow. Awed they stepped closer.

"How did we not find this earlier?" Nick whispered, her gaze sweeping through the chamber.

"Maybe we did, but the government covered it up?" Kaidan offered just as quietly. "Or maybe they didn't think it was important." He didn't sound convinced of his last comment, and Nick let out a derisive snort. Their eyes met for a brief moment.

"Kaidan," she said. "Secure the room while Liara and I get the data."

He gave her a quick nod and set off, pistol at the ready. Her gaze followed him for a second before looking at Liara and motioning at the archive terminals.

" _Shepard._ "

Nick spun around, the sudden sound of the Illusive Man's complacent voice at her back sending a wave of cold rage surging through her veins. Narrowing her eyes she glared at the holographic projection of the Cerberus leader. Unperturbed he took a drag from his cigarette before continuing, " _Fascinating race, the Protheans. They left all this for us to discover. But we squandered it. The Alliance has known about the archives for more than thirty years, and what have they done with it?_ "

"What do you want?" she growled, tightening the grip on her shotgun.

" _What I've always wanted. The data in these artefacts are the key solving the Reaper threat,"_ he replied.

Nick scoffed. "Yeah, I've seen your solution. Turning people into monsters - thanks, but no thanks." Her eyes briefly darted away from her former employer to Kaidan. What if he was right after all? What if Cerberus _had_ done something to her?

" _Monsters? Hardly,_ " the Illusive Man waved his hand dismissively. " _They were improved. I don't expect you to understand this. All you see is a means to destroy, but why shouldn't we control the Reapers? Why shouldn't we learn to dominate and harness their power? Imagine how powerful humanity would be!_ "

"You're out of your fucking mind! Earth is under attack now, and you're working on a scheme to _control_ the Reapers?! You're indoctrinated!" she spat.

" _You've always been pathetically short-sighted. Hasty. Your destruction of the Collector base proved that._ " He flicked the ash off his cigarette, looking quite satisfied with himself; he was winning this battle, and he knew it.

Nick wanted to wipe that expression of his face. Curling her hands to fists she replied, "That base was an abomination! Hundreds of thousands were murdered there. I told you then already that place was not worth saving, not even for possible intel. If I have to rely on technology that involves the sacrifice of sapient lives, then I'm not trying hard enough to find an alternative. We'll fight and win without it, and that hasn't changed."

" _This isn't your fight any longer, Shepard,_ " he said. There was a smugness in his tone that made her hackles rise even more. " _You can't defeat the Reapers, even with the Prothean data._ "

"Oh yeah? Fucking watch me," she snarled in return, baring her teeth. She pointed at the artefact. "With that data, I'm going to rid the galaxy of the Reapers."

The Illusive Man narrowed his eyes. "Don't interfere with my plans, Shepard. I won't warn you again."

"Noted. And now go to hell," she said, turning away from the hologram to face Liara. "Liara, have you got it?"

"The data is being erased!" Liara shook her head, desperately trying to download as much information as she could before it was deleted. "I can't get it. There's someone else here uploading the information."

"Damn it!" Before Nick could warn Kaidan she heard him call out to someone, ordering them to step away from a console. The next thing she saw was him landing on the floor, and the artefact suddenly extinguishing.

_What the hell?_

"She's got the data." He sounded winded as he rose back to his feet.

Shepard tore after the woman running past her. It was the one they'd seen on the security footage, Dr. Coré. Aware of the other two following her, Nick ran as fast as she could, dodging the tech attacks the Cerberus operative threw at her. Somewhere in the back of her mind she registered again that the so-called doctor was not wearing a mask, and still she continued to run through Mars' atmosphere as if she were breathing normal air.

A strangled cry of frustration escaped her as Dr. Coré jumped into a Cerberus shuttle. This couldn't be happening.

"Damn it! James? Normandy? Anybody! She's getting away!"

" _I've got this one_ ," James replied. Nick looked up, searching the sky for the Alliance shuttle. Her eyes widened as she realized that the lieutenant was going to ram the other shuttle. She watched as the shuttles collided, and threw herself to the ground to escape the careening Cerberus shuttle before it crashed.

Nick clambered to her feet, her eyes immediately searching for her squad mates. Relief spread through her when she spotted them mostly unharmed; they had both been closer to the impact. Kaidan met her gaze and signaled to her that he was all right before rising to his feet and making his way to help Liara. Meanwhile Nick stepped back to let James land the vehicle.

"Normandy's en route," James let her know as he jumped down onto Mars' surface. "They'll be here soon."

She was just about to reply when a faint sound of metal crashing to the ground reached her ears. Nick peeked through the gap under the thrusters to see a humanoid body step out of the burning Cerberus shuttle, and hastened around the shuttle. She reached the other side of the shuttle only to see the gynoid lift Kaidan off the ground as though he were a ragdoll. His pistol fell to the ground as he gripped at the hand holding him up in the air with ease.

"Kaidan!" Nick yelled, a quavering note in her voice, pulling her own pistol. Panic surged through her. She couldn't get a clear shot; her target kept Kaidan between them at all times. "Let go of him, bitch!"

Fear seized her as the synthetic turned around in lightning speed and slammed Kaidan against the shuttle twice, and for a terrifying moment Nick froze. Her mouth went dry, and her heart clamored in her chest, but she couldn't move; she couldn't pull the trigger. The spell broke when the Cerberus operative dropped him like a used, unwanted toy, and turned to face her.

Tears burned in her eyes as Nick fired, unloading her whole clip into the gynoid. Breathing hard, she stared at the bot once it crumpled to the ground in front of her and her eyes darted to Kaidan's lifeless form.

"Grab that thing!" she ordered James, looking back over her shoulder, and rushed to Kaidan.

" _Shepard,_ " Joker's voice chimed in. " _We've got Reaper signatures in orbit._ "

Nick blinked away her tears furiously as she squatted next to Kaidan. The glass of his visor was cracked, but thankfully not broken. Biting her lip, she pulled him into a fireman's carry and made her way to the Normandy, step by step, straining under his added weight. She was aware of Liara calling something to her, but it didn't register; all she knew was that Kaidan was severely injured, and for the moment he was her main concern.

Her breath came in gasps as she climbed up the ramp. Inertia shifted as the Normandy accelerated.

"Commander, should one of us take him?" a marine offered.

Nick shook her head, gripping her burden tighter before stepping into the elevator with Liara and James and heading up to the medbay. Her heart sank when she realized there was no medical personnel as she looked in through the large windows. No doctor, not even a medic; _Kaidan_ would have been the medic.

She lowered Kaidan onto the bed, unclasping the release catch on his helmet with shaking hands before pulling it off carefully. His face was beginning to show dark bruises around his eyes, looking battered and broken.

"Oh my God," she whispered, her hand hovering just over his cheekbone.

"Kaidan needs medical attention!" Liara's voice cut through her thoughts and Nick tore her gaze from his battered face. "The Citadel is our best chance of finding help," Liara continued in a soft voice.

"Joker, you heard it. Get us to the Citadel ASAP," Nick said, and the reply came promptly. Taking a shaky breath, she took Kaidan's hand and squeezed it gently. "Hold on," she whispered leaning close to him. _For me_ , she added silently. Straightening up she turned around, her gaze falling on the Cerberus gynoid. Her eyes narrowed. "See what you and EDI can learn from that thing," she ordered, her voice hard and cold.

EDI let her know there was a signal coming in over the QEC, most likely from Admiral Hackett. With a last glance at Kaidan and another squeeze of his his hand she told EDI to patch it through before hurrying up to the comm room to report what had happened on Mars. Liara joined her moments later.

"Preliminary evidence suggest the data is a blueprint for a Prothean device. A weapon," Liara clarified, answering the admiral's questions about what they had discovered, "massive in size and scope, capable of unquantifiable amounts of destruction."

The admiral nodded and told them to send him the data, so the Alliance could do there own analysis.

"This might be the key to stopping the Reapers," Hackett finished.

"I hope so," Nick replied. She leaned forward, bracing her hands on the railing around the console. "Kaid-, Major Alenko was critically injured. We're taking him to the Citadel."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Shepard." For a brief moment he sounded more like Uncle Steve than Admiral Hackett, but the trace of warmth in his voice vanished quickly. "Talk to the Council and show them what you've found. With luck they'll give us the support we need. Do whatever it takes to get them on board." He saluted and cut the connection.

Shepard stared at the empty QEC, listening almost indifferently to Liara telling her that EDI was extracting the data from the gynoid and that they would have details to present to the Council on time.

"I'm sure they'll see the need to help," Liara added.

Nick scoffed, and walked towards the bulkhead.

"It'll be a hell of a short war if they don't," she muttered. "I'm going to check on Kaidan."

* * *

 

The sharp, pungent smell of antiseptic filled her nose as she stepped into the med bay. James turned around to face her; he had been keeping an eye on Kaidan's vitals. "No changes," he let her know. Nick nodded wearily. She hadn't really expected anything else.

"Go grab a bite," she told him. "I'll take over. We should be at the Citadel soon."

"Aye-aye." The lieutenant looked as though he wanted to add something yet, but he closed his mouth again and walked towards the bulkhead. Not waiting for James to exit the room she grabbed a chair and sat down next to Kaidan, tenderly dabbing away a trickle of blood running from his nose.

"We're almost at the Citadel, Kaidan. You just have to hold on a little longer, you hear me?" she implored quietly, her throat constricting as she spoke. She drew an uneasy breath. A wistful smile appeared on her face. "I'm still waiting for that dinner, you know? So, if you die, Alenko, I'm going to kill you."

Silence filled the med bay apart from the constant beeping of the heart rate monitor. Nick sighed, taking his hand and resting her forehead on the edge of the bed.

_Don't leave me._

_Please._


	49. The Council

Shepard watched the gurney with Kaidan being rolled away to Huerta Memorial Hospital, an odd numbness spreading through her as she listened to James and Liara. Clenching her fists, she stepped away from them and stared out of the window. She felt drained.

Footsteps approached, coming to a stop not far behind her.

"Commander Shepard," a familiar voice spoke, and she turned around. "Got word you were arriving."

"Captain Bailey," Nick said, stretching out a hand to greet the C-Sec officer. She gave him a small smile. "Good to see you again."

"You too," he replied. "Though, it's _Commander_ now."

"Congratulations?" she said hesitantly, glancing at Bailey as she walked along the corridor with the C-Sec officer. To her surprise he told her the Council was not ready to see her yet, but to meet them in Udina's office soon. A frown tugged at the corner of her mouth. The delay didn't sit well with her; she wasn't keen on waiting and she wanted to find out how Kaidan's condition was.

"I heard one of your crew was severely injured," Bailey mentioned, eyeing her carefully. "There should be enough time for you to go to the hospital and check on things before the Council is ready."

Relief washed over her and she closed her eyes briefly. With a nod she thanked him before turning around and walking briskly toward the nearest rapid transport hub.

The typical hospital smell wafted toward her as soon as she stepped into the foyer of Huerta Memorial, and she headed to the front desk.

"An Alliance officer in critical condition was brought in not too long ago. Where can I find him?" Nick asked the hospital staff.

"His name?"

"Major Kaidan Alenko." She swallowed, waiting for the employee to answer.

"He's on the ICU. Straight through there," the woman replied after a short inquiry on her terminal. She pointed toward the far end of the foyer and gave her the room number. Nodding once Nick walked in the appointed direction. She hesitated at the sight of a handful of doctors and nurses busy in the room the front desk employee had sent her to, and slowed down to watch them through the large window. Eventually they filed out, talking quietly. She slipped past them and entered the room.

Her gaze fell on the tangle of cables connecting Kaidan to a number of machines, their whirring and beeping the only sound in the otherwise silent room. She watched the slight rise and fall of his chest, her gaze lingering on it, mentally recording every swelling and every bruise. She stepped close to the bed, her eyes traveling up to his face. A small trickle of blood ran from his nose again and she furrowed her brow. She glanced around the room, searching for something to wipe it off with, and with a few quick steps made her way to the sink before returning to the bed with a towel in her hand.

"Hey Kaidan," Nick began in a subdued voice, gently cleaning the blood away. "Not sure how long I can stay now, but I wanted to check in on you before talking to the Council. Not really looking forward to seeing them again, if I'm honest. They've never listened to a word I've said and just the thought of having to deal with their condescending BS makes my fingers itch. It wouldn't be so bad if I had you at my back, but -." Her voice faltered. Tears stung in her eyes and she blinked them away rapidly. "I need you." With a pneumatic hiss the door opened behind her. She cleared her throat and continued in a more professional tone, "You're one hell of a soldier, a powerful biotic with front line experience. The Alliance needs you."

She turned to the doctor who was checking the readout on one of the machines. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll lean on the right people to get it." The physician nodded in acknowledgement, and she turned her attention back to her wounded crewmate. "C'mon Kaidan," she whispered hoarsely. "Fight!"

Hesitating a split second, she finally turned and headed out into the hallway slowly walking towards the exit. What if he didn't wake up? The thought tied her guts into an icy knot. She swallowed, fighting down the unease creeping down her spine and settling around her heart.

* * *

The elevator doors closed behind her with a quiet _swoosh_ as Shepard walked into the Council chamber, swiftly making her way up the steps.

"We've got our own problems." The turian Councilor's voice carried through the lofty room as she drew closer. "Earth is not in this alone."

Councilor Udina spoke up. "But Earth was the first Council world hit. By all reports it faces the brunt of the attack."

"By _your_ reports," Councilor Valern sneered dismissively.

This didn't sound good.

"The reports are accurate," Nick said, keeping her voice level as she climbed the last flight of stairs. "Earth was attacked by the Reapers, and it's just the beginning. We need all the help you can spare to stop them."

Tevos shook her head slightly. "Each of us faces a similar situation. Even now they are pressing our borders. If we lend you our strength then our own worlds will fall."

"We must fight together!" Udina threw in. The salarian Councilor scoffed.

"Much as it pains me to agree with Councilor Udina," Shepard began, "but he is right. If we don't work together all worlds will fall. Yours, ours, all of them. Every. Single. One." She lifted her chin defiantly and punctuated the last words by bringing her fist down on the railing in front of her.

"So we're just supposed to follow you to Earth?" the salarian Councilor huffed.

Valern's condescending tone grated on Nick's nerves and her reply was icy, "Earth is an anvil and our fleets are the hammers we need to smash the Reaper threat once and for all. In this case we don't need finesse, we need sheer strength and larger numbers. We need a bigger hammer."

"Even if we were to unite our fleets, do you really believe we could defeat the Reapers?" Councilor Sparatus put in.

A sly smile appeared on Shepard's face. "I'm glad you asked. We have a plan."

Nodding at Liara she stepped back to let the asari present the data they had found in the Mars archives. Shepard watched the councilors closely as Liara spoke, and with every word the hopes she had had died a little more. None of them looked convinced. Instead, they were sceptical of everything. She shifted her stance slightly, and when Valern commented on the scale of such an undertaking with a shake of his head she spoke up, "I forwarded the blueprints to Admiral Hackett. The remnants of the human fleet are already working on gathering the resources we need, while those left on Earth are building a resistance."

"Have you considered that the Reapers destroyed the Protheans? What good did this weapon do?" Tevos asked.

Shepard took a deep breath. "They never finished building it."

"Precisely," Liara said. "There was a missing component, something referred to as the Catalyst, but they ran out of time."

"And you really believe this can stop the Reapers?"

"Oh, for fucks sake," Shepard muttered under her breath. She stepped forward again, pulling herself to her full height. "Trying to do something sure as hell beats standing around doing nothing but arguing. I've said it earlier, but you clearly have your heads so far up your asses you're having difficulty understanding me, so let me be clear: _The Reapers won't stop at Earth_. They will destroy every organic being in the galaxy if we don't find a way to stop them."

She fell silent, her throat constricting as both the asari and turian councilors looked over to Valern. Even before he shook his head she knew the verdict was going to be a death sentence for Earth and all humanity. Frustration and annoyance rose deep in her, and she slowly clenched a fist until her fingernails dug into her own flesh, waiting for the Council to utter their decision.

Finally Tevos spoke. "The cruel and unfortunate truth is that while the Reapers focus on Earth we can prepare and regroup."

"We are convening a summit amongst our species," Valern said. "If we manage to secure our own borders we may once again consider aiding you again."

" _May once again consider aiding us?_ " Shepard echoed angrily. Her voice was a low feral growl as she continued, "With all due respect, Councilors, go fuck yourselves." She heard Liara whisper her name urgently. Ignoring it she leaned forward and braced herself against the railing in front of her. "I regret ever saving you when Saren and Sovereign attacked the Citadel. A lot of good people died then, and I don't believe you deserved their sacrifices, neither the human or the alien. Don't _ever_ come running to me for help again."

Glaring she watched the Council file off the pedestal. Sparatus hesitated a brief moment before following the other two alien councilors.

Apparently Earth _was_ in this alone.

"Shepard," Udina said coldly, "meet me in my office."

* * *

"The Normandy is one of the few ships that can extract Primarch Fedorian undetected," the turian Councilor continued. He had arrived at Udina's office shortly after her to tell her of a way to get the Council to help Earth, and of course it meant she had to do something for them first. "The leaders of this summit will be the ones to decide where our fleets fight, and with whom," he added as she scowled at him. "A grateful Primarch would be a tremendous ally in your bid to unite us."

Her scowl deepened and she crossed her arms. "I fucking hate having to play politician."

"If it gets you what you want, what does it matter?" Sparatus asked. "Our intelligence says the Primarch was moved to Palaven's largest moon. I've done all I can to help. The rest is up to you." With a final glance in her direction the turian headed for the door. "Oh, one last thing. We've decided to uphold your Spectre status, commander."

Shortly afterward Nick stepped out of Udina's office, grinding her teeth as she walked along the corridor. "Go rescue your Primarch yourself, asshat," she muttered under her breath. But, there was no use. The Alliance - Earth - needed all the help it could get, and she had the means to get it. Apparently it included groveling in front of the Council and playing their gopher. God, she hated politics. At least the turian Councilor had offered an alternative, a small ray of hope. She took a deep breath before opening her omnitool and ordering Joker to prep the Normandy for departure.

_No support from the Council, but go to Menae and rescue the turian Primarch and then maybe you'll get what you want._

_Fuckers._

She rubbed her temples. Her anger was slowly turning into a dull, persistent headache.

"Nick? Is that really you?"

She started at the unexpected familiar voice calling her amid the constant murmur of voices around her, and turned around. Her eyes widened in surprise, and a smile tugged at her mouth. "Matt? Holy shit, what are you doing here!" With a few quick strides she crossed the room to embrace her best friend.

"I could say the same thing," Matt replied, returning the hug. He let go of her again and studied her face. "You look pissed. You butting heads again? We've been following your trial on the news. I tried sending messages, but I guess they never came through?"

She let out a bitter laugh. "Yeah, I was kept completely out of the loop and both the Alliance and the Council ignored all I ever told them about the Reapers, but now that everything is going to shit they come running. Not that they are willing to help. Oh no. It's all _If you do this we might consider helping you again_. Not to mention that thanks to them one of the best marines and probably strongest human biotic is lying in a coma on Huerta's ICU, and I don't know if he's going to pull through." Her voice rose steadily, and there was a certain edge to it. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "The whole situation sucks, Matt."

Matt gave her a hard look and frowned. He knew her well enough to understand there was more to her remark. "Do you have time for some catching up? " he asked. "You could vent over a cup of coffee. Tea. Your choice."

Nick sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. Regret washed over her, and she wished she had more time. "I wish, Matt. Unfortunately I have to get back to the Normandy ASAP. You can walk to the docking bay with me though if you want. That way we can at least catch up a little."

"Sure." He fell in step next to her.

"What are you doing on the Citadel?" she asked desperate to talk of more pleasant things. "Last I knew you and Trevor were on Arcturus."

Matt chuckled softly. "We just moved here about four months ago. We tried to tell you, but … you know." She simply nodded. "We both applied for jobs here, and got them."

"I'm glad," Nick replied quietly, stepping to the side to avoid colliding with a volus. "When the Reapers attacked Earth I knew Arcturus had to be gone and I thought I had to mourn my best friends."

Matt nodded. "Yeah. So many dead in such a short time." He cast a quick glance at her. "How was the situation on Earth?"

Nick grimaced. "Bad. Really bad. The Reapers are there in force. The news vids coming in from other cities showed high levels of destruction before the network links were severed, and they turned large parts of Vancouver to rubble in the time it took me to get from the courtroom at HQ to Normandy's dock. And that wasn't long." She chewed her bottom lip, eyebrows drawn together with worry. "The Alliance is putting up a fight, but they'll need resources and personnel, and that's a pretty big problem." She stopped and turned to her friend. "Now to something a little more pleasant. Tell me what you and Trev have been up to."

"Well, I took up acting again," Matt told her. "That was the main reason we relocated from Arcturus to the Citadel. I got a part time contract with one of the theaters here." He laughed at the surprise on her face, and shrugged. "What can I say? I missed acting."

"Wow," Nick said. Then she laughed too and poked him in the ribs. "I seem to remember you saying we should shoot you if you ever got up on stage again. Want me to fetch my pistol?"

"That was almost fifteen years ago!" Matt replied with a roll of his eyes. "And aren't you always whining about the pistol being your weakest weapon? That's not exactly frightening."

"Just giving you a fair chance of survival," she shot back. "I can always give you a headstart and get my sniper rifle instead, if that's more what you had in mind. You'd never see it coming. Then again, Trev would probably never talk to me then anymore, so you might be safe after all."

Matt laughed. "Enough about me. Now, tell me how you're holding up."

Nick remained silent for a moment, pondering her answer.

"I'm not sure I am," she finally admitted. "I'm so fucking angry. At the Alliance, at the Council. The past year and a half have been hell. I've had to deal with nothing but distrust by them and gloating from the Illusive Man, because he was fully aware I didn't have a fucking choice but to help Cerberus." She paused and took a deep breath. "And then after destroying the fucking Collector base I get sent on an unofficial mission, only to be sedated by indoctrinated scientists and having to blow up a mass relay to stop the Reapers from waltzing into our galaxy. And what happens? They charge me with attempted genocide! Give me a fucking break! What did they expect me to do? Just stand there and fucking watch? God!"

She hadn't planned on dumping all this at her friends' feet, but now everything seemed to tumble out. All the frustration and anger of the past months spilled from her as she went on, "So they put me under house arrest and question me again and again about _everything_ concerning my dealings with the Prothean artifacts while taking down Saren to the incident with the Alpha relay, but did they listen? Fucking hell, no," she hissed. "Then - surprise! - the Reapers attack and the brass sends the Normandy to Mars and guess who's there? Right, Cerberus!"

"Who got hurt on Mars?" Matt asked suddenly.

"Kaidan," Nick replied quietly. "Kaidan got hurt. I froze, Matt. I watched this … robot smash him against a shuttle, and I couldn't pull the trigger. I couldn't move a damn muscle, not until it dropped him to the ground and came running toward me," she pressed out. She opened her mouth to go on, but only a small anguished sound escaped her. Matt waited silently until she continued. "I keep on seeing that moment before my inner eye again and again and again. It was holding him up by his throat, always keeping him between me and its body so I couldn't get a clear shot, and then it turned around and slammed him against the shuttle twice and with force. It had it's back turned to me, and _I did nothing_. I just _stood_ there, pointing my pistol at it. If he dies it will be my fault."

Matt shook his head. "It's not your fault."

An uncomfortable silence spread between them as she quickly wiped away a tear. "I have years of combat experience. This shouldn't have happened. Not like this."

"Isn't this the marine you told us about ages ago? The one you spent your shore leave with?" he asked carefully.

"Yes," she said, looking away. She drew a shaky breath and tried to keep her voice calm. "He's ... he's special to me. We've been trying to patch things up after a disagreement we had, and now I don't know if we'll ever have the chance again. I miss him," she whispered.

They continued silently until the Normandy came in view through the large windows looking out to the docking bay. Matt whistled softly and slowed down. "She's a beauty."

"She is."

"She looks impressive on the news already, but … damn." He was clearly quite taken.

They stopped in front of the window and gazed at the deep space frigate. After a few minutes Nick sighed. "I'd love to give you a tour or at least give you all the technical details, but I've gotta get going. I'll let you know when I'm on the Citadel again, and we'll try to catch up properly. Give my love to Trev, okay? And Matt? Thanks for listening."

"Will do," Matt replied. He pulled her into a fierce hug. "If you need to vent, call." She nodded. "And don't do anything rash out there," he added.

"Me? Never!"

They laughed, but it was just a little too loud, a little too forced, to sound happy. Nick reluctantly let go of her friend. She had a job to do. She walked to the entrance to the docking tube and stepped inside, waving to her friend a last time before the doors closed. She boarded the Normandy with mixed emotions, both happy to have learned at least two of her friends were still alive and, for the meantime, safe, and worried about Kaidan.

_He's strong, he'll pull through._

"Is everybody aboard?" she asked, stopping in the bulkhead leading to the helm.

" _You were the last one to return, Commander_ ," EDI's disembodied voice replied.

"Good. Joker, take us aweigh and set a course for Menae. Let me know when we're half an hour out." He acknowledged her order and she made her way through the CIC to the elevator.

She should try to get a few hours of rest.


	50. Menae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huzzah! After more than two months I've finally managed to update! Thank you for being so patient!

Palaven was burning.

Shepard held onto the handrail tightly, her heart sinking as she watched the news feed. As far as she knew Garrus was somewhere on that planet, but she wasn't going to Palaven; she was heading for Menae, this god-forsaken moon. She missed her friend. It would have been nice to have her sniping partner back, but it seemed rather unlikely.

"Holy hell, they're getting decimated," James said, his eyes glued on the screen. He was obviously thinking the same thing she was. This was the strongest military force in the galaxy, and they were helpless against the Reapers.

"Yeah, and we have a friend down there somewhere," Shepard remarked curtly.

Maybe Garrus had gotten off-world in time?

"Was it like this on Earth?" Liara asked.

"Yeah," Shepard replied, her eyes still on the newsfeed. She turned her head to look at Liara and Vega. "Get ready. Cortez, bring us in," she told the shuttle pilot.

"Aye-aye," came the quick reply. "The LZ's getting swarmed, Commander."

"James," she ordered, "open that hatch."

Gripping her rifle tightly, her gaze darted over Menae's rocky surface as the shuttle descended downwards, the turian homeworld ablaze in the sky above it. A shiver ran down her spine as she turned her attention to the view in front of her. Cortez was right; the landing zone was swarming with husks. An odd calm spread through her as she brought her rifle to the ready, firing short, controlled bursts at every hostile in her crosshairs as the shuttle touched down.

After the path was clear she approached a guard tower and called, "Who's in charge here?"

A turian soldier answered, pointing them towards the command center, and they made their way to the barricades in search of the commanding officer. Her eyes narrowed as she swept them over the operation's base until she found what she was she was looking for. With long, confident strides she approached the shelter where the general - Corinthus, the guard had said - was busy giving orders. He made the impression of having received troubling news not too long ago, but given the situation that wasn't surprising.

"General, I'm here to get Primarch Fedorian," she opened bluntly.

Corinthus bowed his head, his mandibles clicking softly. Shepard shifted, narrowing her eyes as she waited for an answer. Time was pressing.

"Primarch Fedorian is dead," the general finally said. "His shuttle was shot down an hour ago as it tried to leave the moon."

"Fuck. As if things weren't complicated enough. Damn Reaper bastards," Shepard sighed, putting her hands on her hips and chewing her lip thoughtfully. A bubble of irritation rose from her gut. She willed it down and focused on the matter at hand. "How does your line of succession work? Do you have a vice primarch or something like that?"

"The turian hierarchy provides very clear lines of succession as far as I know," Liara put in before Corinthus could answer.

He nodded. "Your teammate is correct. Unfortunately with such heavy casualties it's hard for me to know who the next primarch is. Palaven Command will know. However, contacting them is impossible as long as the comm tower is out. We can't get near -."

"I'm not leaving this moon without the next primarch," Shepard interrupted with a swipe of her hand. "We'll take care of your comm tower while you get in touch with the brass and find out who's next in line." She looked at her team. "Let's go." Without another word she turned away and headed toward the gates.

Reaper beams exploded close to their position soon after passing the barricades. Husks emerged from the impact sites, instantly attacking them. Their moaning voices brought back memories of Eden Prime and the Collector ship. Shepard ignored the shivers the sound sent down her back and pressed forward, sending a Carnage into the first group of husks. Liara caught another group in a Singularity, and a wave of satisfaction washed over her as James detonated it with a Carnage of his own.

"Those things give me the creeps," James mentioned after the explosion subsided. Liara mumbled in agreement as they moved on.

Once the communication tower was operational again they returned to the base hoping Corinthus would have more information on the next turian primarch. The general seemed uncomfortable with the information he'd received from Palaven Command, but Shepard was in no mood for playing guessing games.

"Listen General, I don't give a flying fuck who it is as long as they can get me the turian resources we need," she snarled.

Corinthus' mandibles twitched. Shepard crossed her arms in front of her and looked at him expectantly. He was about to reply when a familiar voice spoke behind her.

"Don't worry, Shepard. We'll find the primarch."

She hadn't heard that voice since she had turned herself in. Stunned, Shepard turned around to face the approaching turian, and a grin split her face. "Well, fuck me sideways," she exclaimed. "Garrus! God, is it good to see you in one piece. I thought for sure you'd be on Palaven!"

Shepard clasped his shoulder firmly before turning her head. "Vega, this is Garrus Vakarian, one of the best snipers out there. Apart from me, that is. And he's damn good at tech, too."

Garrus snorted and gave her a friendly shove before turning his attention to Corinthus. The general cleared his throat. "According to Palaven Command the next primarch is General Victus."

Garrus whistled through his teeth.

"Something I should know?" Shepard asked, looking from Corinthus to Garrus.

"The general is very popular with his troops but not with Palaven Command," Corinthus explained. "He has the habit of making risky and unconventional decisions."

Shepard snorted and looked around pointedly. "I don't know about you, but I think unconventional thinking might be just what we need right now."

* * *

The general's position was under heavy attack when Shepard and her team reached it. Not much longer and the turians would be overrun.

"Double time it, people!" Shepard called to her team. They couldn't afford to lose the general; he needed to take his position as turian primarch.

The gates of the outpost lay in ruins as they passed them. The high-pierced sound of a grenade reached her ears and Shepard threw herself into cover. The air shook under the detonation. She shook her head to clear the ringing in her ears from the explosion and brought her rifle to the ready.

James threw a grenade at a small group of hostiles, and she watched its trajectory out of the corner of her eye before returning her focus to her target. Her shot rang out sharply and the cannibal crumpled to the ground. A marauder fell to a combination of Garrus' Overload and James' assault rifle.

They moved into the compound. Gripping her rifle tightly Shepard hunched behind a large boulder as shots whizzed over her head. She scooted to the side carefully and peeked around its edge. In a distance she could make out the shape of two brutes through the smoke and dust fogging the view of the battlefield.

"Fuck," she muttered, ducking back quickly. Shuddering she checked how many spare clips she had left and suppressed a groan. There were less than she would have liked. Leaning back against the rock she cursed under her breath. She needed a plan. Or ammo. Or both. There was no way she was going to die on this rock. "Not today, fuckers. Not today."

"You okay over there, Shepard?" Garrus called over the sharp report of his sniper rifle.

"Running low on ammo," she replied, twisting around and aiming at a marauder. Two shots echoed in quick succession, stripping the marauder's shields with the first shot and taking him down with the second. She cast a quick glance to her right flank. There were supply crates not far from her position. She grinned. No, she wasn't going to die on this rock.

"Give me cover!" Shepard called and dashed across the path. She stayed as low as possible while Garrus and James put down suppressive fire. Keeping an eye on the battle around her she quickly opened the box and began filling the pouches of her armor with spare clips and frag grenades.

A shadow suddenly loomed over her.

"Shit!" she exclaimed, jumping back and opening her omniblade with a flick of her wrist. The cannibal lunged at her, and she stepped forward, punching her arm forward and driving the omniblade up into her opponent's skull. It dropped dead. Her pulse raced. How the hell had it gotten through Garrus' and James' suppressive fire? Panting hard she looked up and saw the brutes had moved in closer.

"There comes a big one!" James called. "Make that two!"

Shepard brought up her sniper rifle and fired three quick shots at the first brute. The beast roared and charged, whirling up dust in its wake. A grenade hit it before reaching her and it stumbled, giving her time to get to safer position. She heard another roar further back where Garrus and James had taken on the second brute. She hit it with a Carnage, but it still didn't go down. Swapping her sniper rifle for her shotgun she quickly brought it to the ready, and fired. Finally it fell and they moved further into the outpost.

* * *

Weary and dusty Shepard stepped off the shuttle into Normandy's shuttle bay, the turian primarch following a few steps behind her. The ride back had been silent. Luckily the Normandy had little more than a skeleton crew, so it wouldn't be much of an issue finding a bunk for Victus until they arrived at the summit.

In the CIC she ordered one of the marines to show Victus to the war room and went to Traynor.

"Any new messages, specialist?"

Traynor shook her head. "None, Commander. There has been damage to the comm buoys in this system, so messages may be delayed."

The corners of Nick's lips tugged downwards as she nodded. Her expression was unreadable as she opened the galaxy map and set course for the Annos Basin. It had been more than ten hours since leaving the Citadel, and she had really hoped for a message either from Kaidan or, in the worst case, from the hospital.

"EDI," Nick asked, "what's our ETA?"

" _Five hours, Commander. The relays are busy_."

Nick sighed. Five hours. At least she'd have time to shower, take care of her weapons and armor, and, with some luck, really get a few hours of sleep. Menae's fine dust had crept through every crack and fissure, and she needed to oil everything down soon. Rubbing her face with her hands she turned around and headed back down to the shuttle bay.

* * *

The constant beeping of a heart rate monitor crept through Kaidan's clouded mind as he fought to return to full awareness. It was always there, faint at first but growing steadily louder. Voices murmured softly around him. He stirred. A chair creaked, a needle pricked his arm, and footsteps walked away as he drifted back into drug-induced sleep.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when he opened his eyes. His head hurt, a dull throbbing beginning at the base of his skull. His shoulders ached and his throat felt oddly sore. Memories of Mars flashed through his mind and he shuddered. He blinked, temporarily blinded by the light falling in through the large windows of the room. For a moment he watched sky cars passing in a distance. He was clearly at a hospital, and on the Citadel at that.

He probably shouldn't be surprised, but he was. He'd been certain he was going to die on Mars.

The soft rustle of uniform fabric caught his attention. Somebody else was in the room. Hope stirred in him and he turned his head to see a figure slouching on a chair. The small movement sent a wave of nausea rolling through him and his stomach lurched unpleasantly. He squeezed his eyes shut hoping he wouldn't have to vomit. As soon as his stomach had settled he took a slow, deep breath.

"Nick?" he croaked uncertainly, his voice rough.

"Not quite, Kaid," Ashley answered. "I'm glad you're finally awake even if you still look like shit."

Kaidan opened his eyes again and looked into the worried face of his friend. "It's good to see you too, Ash. I was worried for you when we left Earth." He swallowed. God, that hurt. Speaking was difficult. "How did you know where to find me?"

"Liara," came the simple reply.

"Ah." He closed his eyes again. Liara was probably one of the reasons Ashley hadn't stayed on Earth, but not the only one. Her unit was under Hackett's command, and not stationed on Earth. "Your unit?"

"At Pinnacle Station. It's the new command center for Alliance forces now that Arcturus is destroyed. I'm heading there in a few hours."

Kaidan nodded carefully. "When did you get here?"

"Sometime the middle of last night. I stopped at the apartment to check messages and get my spare omnitool because my old one kicked the bucket, and Liara's message was already several hours old. I came straight here, but the doctors didn't want to let me in at first. Tony saw me and knew instantly why I was there. He said you got really lucky." Tony had been the blind date she had talked him into before Horizon. It made sense that he was there. He was a trauma specialist, after all. "You were in bad shape. They kept you sedated for several hours until they were certain the swelling was going back."

_You were in bad shape._

He tried not thinking of how bad his injuries were, but he knew he was lucky to be alive. His thoughts wandered to Nick. Where was she? Was she okay? Was she worried about him?

"If you've talked to Liara, have you also talked to Nick?" Kaidan asked, hoping Ashley would have some news about her.

Ashley leaned back. "No, sorry. Only to Liara. She said Nick was really busy and pretty worried about you considering you apparently acted like a complete ass on Mars," she said, lifting an eyebrow quizzically.

"I -," he began, "I didn't mean to. Did Liara tell you about the Cerberus troopers? How they were somehow … reaperfied?" He glanced at Ashley who simply nodded. "Well, uh, there was this trooper that looked like a husk, and I asked Nick if Cerberus had done something like that to her. Or if she knew anything about what they did to her when they rebuilt her." Shame welled up in him at the memory of the hurt in Nick's eyes. Her anger had probably been something he'd deserved.

"You're a fucking idiot sometimes, Kaidan Alenko," Ashley said shaking her head slowly.

He shrugged and winced as pain shot through his body from his shoulders, "I guess so."

"At least when it comes to Shepard," his friend muttered. "Honestly."

Silence fell between them. After a few moments Ashley began speaking again. "Liara told me Nick was frantic to get you here. She carried you onto the Normandy and all the way into the med bay, and after they reached the Citadel she came to see you here before meeting with the Council."

Kaidan drew a deep breath and closed his eyes. _Nick had_ carried _him?_ _How?_ "I thought I'd heard her talking to me at one point, but it felt like a dream. I figured it was my imagination playing tricks on me." He looked down at his hands. "I miss her, Ash," he added quietly.

"I know. And I'd say she misses you too."

"I should send her a message. Let her know I'm awake and allowed to have visitors," he said softly as though thinking out loud.

"You should," Ashley agreed. The door opened with a hiss, and a doctor entered. She cast a quick glance over her shoulder and stood up, giving Kaidan a gentle hug. "My shuttle leaves soon, and I probably won't drop by before leaving again. Get well soon otherwise I'll have to kick all that Reaper ass without you, and that wouldn't be any fun."


	51. Sur'Kesh

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your comments on the last chapter! They made my day!

Anger radiated off Wrex in heavy waves as Cortez began the flight approach to the STG facility on Sur'Kesh. Not that Nick could blame him, she wasn't too happy with their Salarian allies herself. Discovering a female krogan had survived Maelon's gruesome experiments only to be taken to Sur'Kesh secretly had come as a shock. Linron, the salarian dalatrass, had vehemently denied this being the case. She had spluttered about, saying the video Wrex showed as proof might be a fabrication, but in the end had admitted the truth; the females were being kept at a STG base.

Wrex had every right to be pissed at the salarians, but his constant scowling was grating at her nerves.

"You can stop glaring at us, Wrex," Shepard told him. "Save it for the salarians. If they bristle too much you can even growl at them. The plan is to keep it simple. We land, get the females, and leave."

"Don't make fun of this, Shepard," he growled. "I don't trust the salarians. They're devious bastards. These females are the best and probably the last chance my people have."

She stared back at him steadily. "I wasn't joking. I told you we're going to get the females, and that's what we're going to do. You have every reason not to trust them and I don't plan on spending more time than necessary at that facility. I'm not exactly happy about this either."

Wrex held her gaze for a moment before nodding, some of his anger evaporating. "I trust you, Shepard."

"Glad to hear that's settled then." She turned towards the helm, rolling her shoulders to loosen the tension in them. "What's our ETA?"

"We should be cleared to land by now, but they haven't," Cortez replied.

Shepard frowned. She was sick of salarian politicians and their condescending and bigoted manner, sick of all the obstacles thrown in her path by so-called allies. Who knew what else was being withheld?

"Tell them you have a Council spectre aboard, and set her down." She turned to her ground team and signaled them to get ready.

The first pleasant surprise on Sur'Kesh was seeing Kirrahe again and learning that his STG unit at least was ready to join the fight against the Reapers regardless of the dalatrass' decision.

The second one was seeing Mordin. Nick grinned as she listened to him talk about the females at a great rate. He had to be Wrex' inside source, it was the most logical choice.

Her temporary good mood dissipated quickly when she heard that only one of the females was still alive, and it soured even more at the salarian reluctance to hand her over. Her temper was running short, even by her standards. She was ready to throttle the salarian controlling the pod with the living female when Mordin stepped next to her and shocked the other salarian with his omnitool.

"Huh," Shepard said. "That works, too. Thanks, Mordin."

But before he could reply, an air raid siren sounded, and the salarians sprang to action around them. Confused and alarmed Nick looked around. For a moment she thought it had to do with Mordin's actions, but the salarians completely ignored them. A faint explosion rumbled. No, this was an attack. Two questions came to her mind. First, why hadn't Joker or EDI warned them they had incoming? And second, was it Cerberus or the Reapers?

"Shepard!" Mordin called. "Must take female to upper level. You must clear us through checkpoints. Meet you at landing pad!" Nick nodded and ran towards the elevator.

She came to a full stop when the elevator doors opened and her eyes widened at the sight that greeted her. She hadn't reckoned with a device being placed inside it. Especially not a bomb.

"Get down!" she called, throwing herself to the ground just as the detonation tore through the air. Shielding her head with her arms she remained on the floor as debris dropped around her. Coughing she rose to her feet, her ears ringing from the blast. A quick glance to either side told her that Garrus and Liara were on their feet again as well.

"I guess we're not using the elevator," Liara remarked. Shepard shook her head and stopped the nearest salarian to ask if there was another way to the landing pad.

Cerberus was attacking in full force. They wanted control of the facility - or the secrets the facility held - badly. Shuttle after shuttle dropped off more troops; their reserves seemed sheer and inexhaustible. Shepard and her team had cleared two floors but the sound of gunfire and explosions didn't abate.

She peered around the corner, sweeping the area in front of her with a skilled look. Clouds of oily smoke billowed through the air, burning her nostrils. "Two engineers with turrets and half a dozen troopers," she told her squad quietly, readying her sniper rifle. "The turrets are at ten o'clock and one o'clock. Garrus, I need you to Overload the first one for me."

She dove behind a raised flower bed, and immediately the turrets began firing at her. Taking her place Garrus glanced around the corner, his omnitool flashing brightly as he sent out the Overload, stripping both the engineer and the turret he was controlling of their shields. Shepard fired three rapid shots at the turret, and it exploded. She reloaded and zeroed in on the second engineer.

Liara moved forwards, catching several troopers in a Singularity and picking them off with her pistol while Shepard and Garrus took down the remaining ones. The last one fell when reinforcements landed at the far end of the room.

"Centurions!" Shepard called, the sharp report of her rifle echoing through the room. Garrus immediately sent an Overload their way and she followed it up with a Carnage, detonating it in a tech burst. She moved closer to the door, as did Garrus and Liara, but it began opening before they reached it. Ducking back into cover they watched it open, revealing a number of guardians. Shepard brought her rifle to the ready and shot the first one through the narrow slot in his shield.

They moved forward quickly once the last Cerberus soldier was down. Shepard wondered briefly what would happen to the yahg they had seen on one of the lowers levels. Neither she nor her squadmates had been keen on meeting one of those again; the former Shadow Broker had been enough. Would Cerberus capture it for experiments? Or the salarians? She shook off those thoughts; they weren't her problem right now, getting the pod with the female krogan through the checkpoint and to the landing area was.

They climbed up a ladder to the landing zone and ducked into cover at the sight of more Cerberus troops on the landing pad trying to gain access to the pod.

"This is getting kind of boring, wouldn't you say?" Garrus asked in a low voice, aiming at a trooper.

"What? Cerberus showing up everywhere we go? Yeah," Nick replied just as quietly, peering through her scope. She pulled the trigger. Her target's head exploded and a wave of satisfaction rolled over her as she zeroed in on the next one.

As soon as the roof was clear Shepard ran to the control panel to release the clamps on the pod.

" _Shepard, you'll want to hurry. You've got incoming,_ " Wrex' voice sounded over the radio at the same time as Garrus let out a vehement, "Shit!"

A loud thud sounded from the far end of the landing platform. Shepard turned her head.

_An Atlas mech._

Yeah, "shit" sounded about right.

She went into cover, pulling a frag grenade from her belt, priming it, and throwing it at the mech in one fluid movement. They hit the mech with everything they had. The air was acrid with smoke. Her shields crackled as a shot grazed her and she swivelled around. More troops had arrived. A bolt of blue energy whooshed past her as Liara cast a Warp, enveloping the trooper that had hit her in dark energy.

"Liara, Garrus, keep those troopers and centurions off me! I'll deal with the mech!" she ordered, throwing another Carnage at the mech. Finally it stuttered forward before exploding, giving her the chance to join Liara and Garrus against the remaining hostiles.

This was going to be a long day.

* * *

Nick stepped into the cool darkness of her quarters. She was exhausted. She had made sure Mordin and the krogan female - Eve, as Mordin called her - got settled in the med bay, taken care of her equipment, talked to her crew, and received orders to investigate a Cerberus lab in the Decoris system.

After a quick shower she dropped onto her bed and drifted into sleep.

_The synthetic held Kaidan off the ground without effort as he clawed desperately at its hands. He had dropped his pistol so he could use both hands against the offender, but it was useless. His movements grew weaker as he struggled to break free from its grip, twisting and turning. With a swift movement it whirled around and slammed him against the burning Cerberus shuttle._

_Once._

_Twice._

_Still unable to do as much as pull the trigger, Nick watched in silent horror as he went limp. The gynoid dropped him, turning around and running towards her instead._

_With a shout of rage Nick fired her pistol, each shot hitting true. Time seemed to slow down as the synthetic stumbled and fell to the ground. Nick darted past it until she reached Kaidan. She dropped to her knees next to him and stared at the broken visor of his helmet with horror. He gasped for air as it escaped through the breach in his helmet. She tried to lift him, tottering under the added weight of his armor as she struggled to get him aboard the Normandy before he ran out of oxygen._

_She laid him down on a sickbed in the med bay and stepped back to take off his helmet. He stared back at her, his eyes lifeless and empty and his features distorted._

Nick thrashed and sat up, panting hard. Cold sweat drenched her shirt and her heart hammered in her chest. A choked sob escaped her and she rubbed her face with shaking hands.

"It was just a dream," she whispered. She glanced at her bedside clock, and got up, stripping off her sweaty tanktop and skivvies. She stepped into the shower and turned on the water as hot as she could handle. Bracing herself against the wall to keep her hands from trembling she let the water batter on her back and forced herself to take deep, regular breaths, but she couldn't shake the images of her nightmare.

"He's at Huerta. He's in good hands, and he'll be fine. This was just a dream," Nick repeated to herself as she stepped out of the shower drying herself off. A light on her private terminal blinked, catching her attention. Wrapping herself in her towel she sat down and opened her emails.

"Oh, thank goodness!" she whispered as she saw the unread message.

**From: Kaidan Alenko**    **Subject: Doc says I'm ready for visitors**

Taking a deep breath she shook off the last vestiges of her dream. He was awake, and she could visit him. Grinning to herself she closed her terminal and finished getting dressed; once they had checked out this Cerberus lab on Sanctum she was ordering the Normandy to the Citadel.

* * *

 

Five days had passed since Kaidan woke up in his hospital room; five days since he'd talked to Ashley and since he had sent a message to Nick. He hadn't heard back yet and he worried that something had happened.

_Stop worrying_ , he chided himself.  _Who knows what state the comm buoys are in_.  _Maybe the message hasn't even_ reached  _her._

The thought did little to make him feel better. Shifting uncomfortably in his bed he returned his attention to his visitor who had ceased speaking. Instead, Councilor Donnel Udina looked at him expectantly.

"You'll have my answer soon, Councilor. I promise," Kaidan said, hoping Udina would finally leave. The man made him feel itchy. The memory of Udina locking the Normandy down when they were hunting Saren and dismissing all proof they had on the Reapers three years earlier probably had a lot to do with that.

Much to his relief the Councilor stood up. "I look forward to it, Major."

The door slid open. Kaidan's heart skipped a beat when he saw Nick enter the room. Seeing  _her_  made him feel better, but also slightly nervous. Her gaze drifted from him to Udina, and her expression became carefully neutral. She and Udina eyed each other warily. The Councilor left the room after politely greeting her, and she looked after him over her shoulder until the door shut behind him.

"What did Udina want?" she asked, pointing behind her with her thumb. Her nose was wrinkled as though she'd just smelled something bad.

Kaidan shook his head in amusement. "Didn't you read the email I sent you?"

"Well," she began slowly, pulling a chair closer to the bed. She sat down and set the bags she had been carrying on the floor carefully. "I might have just read the subject. Then I told Joker to get the Normandy back here ASAP. So, what did that twat want?"

"He's offered to make me a Spectre." Kaidan answered, looking at her closely. Was that a blush? Maybe she was as nervous as he felt?

"That's awesome! Is he actually doing something right for a change? You're going to take it, right?"

"Maybe. It's a huge responsibility." Kaidan said with a shrug. He paused and sniffed. "Do I smell  _food_?"

A grin appeared on Nick's face. She grabbed one of the bags she had been carrying and produced several cartons of asian carry-out food. "I was hungry, and figured you might want something else other than hospital chow, so I took the liberty of grabbing us a bite. There's this little place down on the lower wards that has the most amazing Phat Thai." She handed him a pair of chopsticks. "I also got you a sushi sampler because I know the Phat Thai alone won't be enough. As I recall, you like that stuff."

"Sushi is  _not_  " _stuff_ ", Nick," he replied taking the offered container. He opened it and peered inside. It looked good.

"The only good thing about sushi is the wasabi and the pickled ginger," she scoffed, adding hot sauce to her Phat Thai.

Kaidan chuckled. They'd had this discussion before.

"This sure looks better than what I just had," he admitted, moving into a more upright position. "You just missed snack time," he explained. "Probably better, otherwise you'd have lost all appetite. There was an absolutely disgusting jello as dessert. On the other hand, we're talking about the person who loves MREs, so you might have even liked it."

"Very funny, Alenko," she replied around a mouthful of noodles.

They spent a few minutes eating in silence until Nick glanced into her container, closed it, and put it back into the bag.

"How are you?" she asked, resting her elbows on her knees, her gaze roaming over his face. "I don't think I've ever been as scared as when that thing slammed you against the shuttle."

"I'm okay. My implant got a little rattled, so Doc wants me to keep my biotics offline for a bit. It's really no big deal," he answered in a light tone.

"Bullshit, Kaidan. You were that close" - she held thumb and index finger a hairsbreadth apart - "to dying." Her voice quivered slightly. " _Rattled_ , my ass."

"Hey," he said quietly, reaching for her hand and giving it a light squeeze before releasing it again. "I didn't die."

She met his steady gaze, and nodded.

_But you could have._

The words lingered between them, unspoken; she didn't say them out loud, but Kaidan heard them as clearly as if she had. He shifted positions, his gaze drifting to the window before looking back at Nick.

"I'm ready to get out of here, you know?" he said. "I want to get back into the fight and help you kick the Reapers straight to hell. Ash would never let me live it down if I didn't join the fight. It wouldn't be any fun, if she had to kick all that Reaper ass alone."

Nick let out an amused snort.

"Her words, not mine," Kaidan added. "But, I'm tied to this bed by medical red tape. Doc says I'm good to go, but then she always finds 'just one more test' to run. She's fascinated by the L2 implant. I get the feeling I'm kind of her pet project." He chuckled. "The headaches are as bad as ever, but she's got me on this regimen of acupuncture, meds, and this nasty concoction." He involuntarily pulled a face. The thought of it alone was revolting already.

Nick bit her lip. "Speaking of concoction, I also got you this," she said with a twinkle in her eye as she held up a bottle of Peruvian whiskey before slipping it back into her bag as he reached for it. "But you don't get that until you're out of here."

Kaidan huffed.

"Just giving you an incentive to get out of here."

"My incentive is sitting right next to me." A pregnant silence filled the room and Kaidan swallowed, wondering briefly if he had gone to far. He was more nervous than on his first date, and that even though they had agreed on trying to fix things. But that had been before he'd put his foot in it on Mars. "Listen, I'm sorry about what I said on Mars. And on Horizon. I had no right -."

Nick held up her hand, looking at him sternly. "On Mars, true. But on Horizon you had every right to be suspicious. We've talked about this, so stop feeling guilty." She paused and dropped her gaze to the bed. She began to say something, but changed her mind again. She knit her brows together and he waited patiently for her to adjust her thoughts.

"Why didn't you use your biotics against that bot on Mars?" Nick asked suddenly.

Kaidan looked away, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly before meeting her steady gaze. "I didn't think I'd need them," he admitted. "I'd used my biotics quite a bit already by then, and my amp was running hot. I didn't want to risk a migraine because I wanted a chance to talk to you once we were back on the Normandy, not end up curled in a corner with pain, and I figured the pistol would do fine. In retrospect that was kind of stupid," he added in a quiet tone.

Nick took his hand and squeezed it. "You couldn't have known it wouldn't go down after one or two well-placed shots. I unloaded my whole fucking clip square into that thing's chest before it finally did. But the next time an unknown synthetic comes running at you like that Throw it over the next ledge. By the way, those biotics on Mars were pretty damn impressive,  _Major_."

"Yeah, Major." Kaidan let out a short explosive laugh. It still felt unreal; almost as unreal as feeling her hand in his. But it  _was_  real. He gently rubbed his thumb in small circles across the back of her hand.

"You going to fill me in?" Nick asked.

"Anderson asked me to take over a spec ops program. First Special Operations, Biotic Division. Said my history and the training I'd received at The Villa made me the best choice for this. I turned it down at first, but Anderson wouldn't let up. We recruited the most talented human biotics from around the galaxy. Some were fresh from Grissom Academy, while others were already active soldiers." He paused. "I never would have thought I'd enjoy teaching so much."

She smiled. "Kaidan, I can't think of anybody better for the job than you. You're one of the most skilled and powerful biotics the Alliance has. They'd be fools not to give you a job like this. You used biotic powers on Mars I've only seen asari use before, and damn, you sure packed a punch!"

The heat of a blush crept up from his collar at her praise. "Yeah, my biotics are stronger than ever. Maybe some things get better with age."

"Or maybe you have," Nick said, a smile dancing on her lips. He couldn't help but smile back.

"Are you flirting with me,  _Commander_?" he asked, dropping his voice a notch and smirking slightly.

Her smile widened to a grin. Intertwining her fingers with his she leaned closer. "You bet I am," she whispered into his ear.

His heart soared. He gazed at her lips so close to his face. The thought of feeling her lips on his was tantalizing. Clearing his throat he said, "Enough of me now. How are you?"

"A lot better since knowing you're on the mend," she replied earnestly, sitting back again. "Garrus is back on the Normandy, and so is Wrex. At least for now. Also we rescued a krogan female from a science facility on Sur'Kesh. Long story," she said seeing his quizzical expression. "I'll tell you the whole thing when we get the chance to crack this open." She tipped the whiskey bottle in the bag with her fingernail. He nodded understandingly.

An incoming message on her omnitool sounded and she glanced down, slowly slipping her fingers from his hold. She sighed after reading it. "I have to get back to it. I'll be back to visit as soon as I can. And Kaidan? Next time don't send me an email, send me a direct message to my omni-tool. Or, you know, try giving me a call."

"Will do," he smiled. "Thanks for coming by, Nick. And … stay safe." They both knew the last part was unlikely, but she returned the smile before rising from her seat. His stomach turned into knots as he watched her leave, and he hoped she would make it back safely. If only he could go with her. He glanced at the clock. It was almost time for more acupuncture. With a sigh he laid back and slowly relaxed. The best he could do now was focus on getting back into fighting shape.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long delay in updates. Thank you for sticking with me, and thank you for your lovely comments!

Smiling to herself, Nick walked through the hallway of Huerta Memorial Hospital's ICU towards the exit. It felt good seeing Kaidan again, talking to him, being in one room. It just felt  _right_ , and it left her aching for more than holding hands.

A pang of guilt swept through her at the sight of refugees and soldiers waiting to be treated, but she felt happier than she had in a long time and she had distinct feeling she would need this elevated mood for her upcoming meeting with Aria T'Loak. Nick stepped to the nearest rapid transport terminal, wondering what exactly Aria wanted and why she was on the Citadel.

The bass pounded relentlessly when she reached Purgatory. Nick swept the room, her gaze falling on a large couch to the right. She recognized Aria's second in command, Bray, and walked his way. He nodded a greeting and stepped aside, letting her walk straight up to the asari.

"Shepard," Aria said coolly, sparing her a short glance.

"Aria," Nick replied in a similar tone and sat down on the couch without further invitation. Aria raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. Nick leaned back. "You wanted to see me."

"I did. And you came. How very obedient of you."

Nick snorted, crossing her arms in front of her. "What do you want, Aria? I doubt you called me because you missed my company."

The asari flicked a speck of dust off of her suit. "I have a proposition. You need troops to fight the Reapers, and I can help you get them."

"And you want me to do what in exchange?" Nick asked warily. There was no way in hell Aria would make an offer like this without expecting something in return.

"I need you to speak to the leaders of the Blue Suns, Eclipse, and Blood Pack. Get them to join me in retaking Omega and in return we will join the fight against the Reapers."

 _Scum_ , Nick thought, but she was willing to take all the help she could get against the Reapers. She pursed her lips. "Not my first choice, but we can't be picky at the moment," she finally said in a matter-of-fact tone of voice before asking, "Retake Omega? From whom?"

"Cerberus," Aria hissed, looking furious. "The Illusive Man is now squarely at the top of my shit list."

" _Ah._  I was wondering what you were doing on the Citadel. How did that happen?"

Aria's eyes flashed at the memory. "Deceit, distraction, and a big fucking army. By the time I realized what was happening they were too entrenched and all I could do was retreat  _here_." She swept her arm in a wide circle, contempt dripping from her words.

Nick let her gaze wander through the dark room, illuminated mostly by flashing strobe lights. "I'd want to kick Cerberus in the balls if I were you."

"That's why I almost like you, Shepard," the asari said drily. "I'm going to slap Omega right out of the Illusive Man's greedy little hands."

"You have a plan?"

Omega's self-appointed leader gazed at her lazily. "Oh yes. I think I'm going to employ violence."

Shepard smirked and got up. "Sounds like fun. I'll see what I can do about the mercs."

Oddly enough she trusted Aria. They didn't like each other, but there was mutual respect. The asari wasn't stupid; she knew exactly that if the Reapers weren't taken care of Omega would fall as well, and if she was willing to supply troops such as these, then Nick would help her get them aboard. The Alliance and the Council would just have to deal with the possible fallout later.

* * *

Several hours later Nick returned to the Normandy. After talking to the leaders of the three largest mercenary bands she felt filthy. Not so much the Blood Pack, but Darner Vosk and Jona Sederis made her skin crawl. They were vile. She shivered as she stepped into the airlock and waited for the decontamination cycle to finish; she could still feel Vosk's leering gaze on her. She wondered where she could find the rare artifacts needed to get the Blue Suns to join Aria and with that the war effort, because she wasn't going to order a hit on the turian general. At least the other two groups had already been taken care of.

The hatch to the CIC opened and she stepped inside.

"Is everyone aboard?" she asked, walking into the helm.

"The crew is complete, Commander," EDI answered. "There's also an incoming transmission from Admiral Hackett."

Nick forced a smile. Almost a week had passed since EDI had taken over the Dr. Coré's gynoid body, but it was still strange seeing it sitting next to Joker in the helm. He didn't seem to mind. Quite the contrary, he'd been thrilled.

_He didn't see Kaidan getting smashed against the shuttle either. And, he's not in love with him._

She didn't want to admit it, but Mars haunted her dreams almost every night. She trusted EDI, but she needed more time to get comfortable with the AI's new platform.

"Thank you, EDI," she answered after a short pause. "Put it through to the QEC. Joker, take us aweigh."

Shepard strode through the CIC to the war room, nodding to Westmoreland and Campbell as she waited to pass through security. The atmosphere in the war room was strained, but both Wrex and Victus had their people under control. Everyone was content with eying the other suspiciously.

Nick ground her teeth. The sooner the krogan and the turian delegation were off the ship the better.

She stepped to the QEC and tapped the console. Hackett's image appeared in front of her flickering slightly.

"Commander," the admiral said, "it's good to see you."

"And you, sir," she answered. "Do we have any news from Earth?"

Hackett smiled. "As a matter of fact I do. I'm patching in Anderson." He pushed a button and Anderson's image flickered into appearance. He looked weary, but his expression brightened at her sight.

"Veronika, good to see you!" Anderson said, repeating Hackett's words.

"Thank you, sir. Same here."

Anderson tsked. "I call you by your first name, and you go all formal on me. That's never happened before."

Nick smiled. "Sorry, Uncle Dave. It won't happen again. How are things on Earth?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "Tough, but we're not out of the game yet. Reaper forces usually target large cities so we try to avoid those. As long as we don't stay in one place too long we're fine." He hesitated. "Not sure how long this is going to work though."

Nodding slowly Nick asked, "Can you give me an estimate on how long you can hold out?"

"Several months at least, a year if all goes well, maybe more," Anderson replied. "Supplies are the biggest problem. Weapons, ammo, we all know that. But we also know getting stuff to Earth will be increasingly difficult." He paused. "Something else. You know the apartment I have on the Silversun Strip? I want you to have it."

Nick looked at the admiral in surprise. "What? But … what about Kahlee? I know she has her own place, but she practically lived at your apartment."

Anderson waived her objections aside. "You don't have an apartment anymore and you'll need a place to recharge when there's a chance, someplace that isn't the Normandy. Kahlee would be the first to agree."

She mumbled her thanks, well aware that she couldn't turn the gift down. Anderson glanced to the side. When he looked back he was smiling.

"I have another surprise for you." He stepped away from the QEC without further warning. The projection of another Alliance officer appeared in his place.

"Dad!" Nick exclaimed. "I thought -"

"I was dead? Not yet, kid. How're you holding up?" John Shepard looked at his daughter critically.

"Holding," Nick replied. "Things have slowed down for the moment. I just had a few days to rest while we were in transit. We're on our way again after a short stop at the Citadel, so that's a few more days shipside." She hesitated briefly, looking over to Hackett. "I wanted to check on Major Alenko. He's doing better and hopes to be able to return to duty soon. I could use him on my team."

"I've received a report from Huerta concerning his status," Hackett informed her. "We'll consider where he's to be posted as soon as we have the all-clear from the doctors at Huerta."

"Of course, sir." She wasn't sure but she thought she saw the three men smirk. Swallowing she turned back toward her father. "Have you heard from mom? Is she okay?"

"Not yet," he let her know, shaking his head. Father and daughter looked at each other solemnly. A noise in the background caught both his and Anderson's attention. "We have to get back to it. I'm proud of you, Nick. Stay strong."

They said their good-byes. For a moment Nick remained staring at the empty QEC. It was good to know her father was alive, and she hoped her mother was as well. Why hadn't she reported to Hackett? Had her ship encountered Reaper forces and succumbed? Had the ship crashed? Memories of colonists and marines transformed to husks on Eden Prime bubbled up.

She took a deep breath, turned on her heel, and walked slowly back to the CIC.

While waiting for the elevator to take her to the crew level her thoughts wandered to Kaidan, wondering if he had heard from his family too; she hoped he had, especially considering they lived in Vancouver.

She made her way to Liara's office only to find it empty apart from Glyph. The door closed behind her while she walked into the almost empty mess. She nodded at the crew members seated at the table and walked past the crew sleeping pods towards the forward battery. It was empty.

"Okay," she muttered under her breath, hands on her hips as she gazed into the empty room. She raised her voice slightly. "EDI, where are Liara and Garrus?"

" _Dr. T'Soni and Garru_ s are on the port observation deck," EDI replied.

"Thank you," Nick said, heading that way.

Before she had gone very far Wrex called out to her, ambling toward her from the med bay. She waited for him to walk over.

"Where are we off to, Shepard?" he rumbled.

"Bahak system. Why?" Shepard replied.

The krogan pulled out his omnitool. "Because I'd like you to check in on something. One of my scouting teams has gone silent. They missed their last two routine check-ins. I've sent Aralakh company to investigate, but I'd like you to help them."

Shepard ran a hand over her chin. "Where was this scouting team when they last reported in?"

Wrex informed her they had been investigating rumors of increased activity around the rachni relay and sent the available data to her omnitool. "They were on Utukku in the Ninmah cluster."

"And why do you want me to go there?"

"Because the scouts reported rachni presence," Wrex replied. "And I thought you might find that  _interesting_ considering your decision back on Noveria."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Rachni? Are you sure?"

He scoffed. "We're krogan. We know rachni when we find them."

She held up her hand, and began reading the reports. Her expression grew serious. "Okay, Wrex. We'll check it out right after our little salvage tour."

He rumbled his thanks while she continued to the port observation deck.

"How's Kaidan?" Garrus asked without preamble as she stepped into the room, the pneumatic door closing behind her with a hiss.

"He's doing better," Nick answered, walking to the bar. She scanned it briefly before taking a bottle off the shelf. She added some ice to a glass and poured the liqueur over it. She took a sip, enjoying the smooth, burning sensation of the drink.

"And?" Garrus pushed carefully. "Judging from the smile on your face things went pretty good. You were gone quite a long time."

"We talked, that was all," Nick replied innocently, unable to stop the smile on her face. She took a swallow of her drink ignoring the knowing smirks her friends exchanged. "Afterwards I met with Aria, did a bunch of running around to recruit people for the war, and when I got back Hackett and Anderson were on the QEC, and so was my dad. He's on Earth with Anderson together with his ICT students. So, yeah, it all took some time."

Garrus placed a hand on her shoulder. "It must be a relief knowing at least one of your parents is alive. And knowing Kaidan is on the mend," he added.

"Yeah, I'll take all the good news I can get," she replied quietly, glancing at her friend. "Any news from your family?"

Garrus shook his head, and she looked at the glass in her hand, turning it slowly back and forth.

"I'm sure they made it off Palaven in time," Nick said after a short pause and winced inwardly. It sounded hollow even to her ears.

Clicking his mandibles softly, Garrus gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I appreciate the thought."

Nick nodded, and for a moment they sat in silence. She looked at Liara. "Liara, we need to find some special artefacts. Can you use your intel as the the Shadow broker to find a lead for us? Aria made me an offer to join our forces against the Reapers, but she wants my help first."

"Of course," Liara replied, immediately typing something into her omnitool.

"Perfect." Nick paused. She leaned forward, perching her elbows on the counter as she watched the asari work, and finally decided to ask another question that had been bubbling away for a while. "So Liara, you and Ash. When did that happen?"

Garrus' head whipped around to look at Liara.

The asari blushed. "How did you know?"

"Just something you said to Kaidan on Mars," Nick replied with a small shrug. "I've been meaning to ask ever since."

"I can't believe you never told me anything about this, T'Soni. And here I thought we were friends." Garrus shook his head in mock indignation.

Liara blushed even more. "We met several times on the Citadel before I moved to Illium, and every time we seemed to get closer and closer. Things kind of developed from there."

"Well, I'm happy for you both," Nick told her. A thought occurred to her and she paused, considering how to phrase her next question. "Did you start seeing each other before or after the Lazarus project started? Does Ash know of your business with Cerberus concerning … my body?"

"No," Liara whispered and hung her head. "She doesn't."

Nick and Garrus shared a surprised look.

"You might want to change that."

* * *

More than a week later the Normandy reached the Mulla Xul system. They had stopped at the Citadel on the way back from the Bahak system, but Kaidan had been in therapy at the time so Nick hadn't been able to visit him. At least they had talked several times on vid call. He was hoping to get out of the hospital soon. She had seen Thane at the hospital, though, and taken care of a number of errands.

Now they were preparing to meet with Aralakh company on Utukku. Nick stepped into the cargo bay followed by Garrus and Liara, and headed towards James to pick up their weapons for the mission.

"James, give me all the incendiary ammo we can spare. And grenades. Lots of grenades," Shepard said, checking her weapons with practiced ease.

He set a box on the weapons bench and Shepard filled up the pouches on her belt while Garrus stocked up on armor-piercing ammo.

"Good thing Cortez ordered more incendiary ammo before we got to the Citadel, " James commented.

There was a sharp laugh from the other side of the shuttle bay where Cortez was busy finishing inspections on the shuttle. "I wouldn't be a good procurement officer, if I didn't know what my CO needs to be happy on a mission. And when we're down to one crate of incendiary ammo then I'm sure to order more."

"You're the best, Steve," Shepard called back, blowing him a playful kiss.

Hours later, Nick stepped into her quarters. She felt incredibly weary and everything reeked of rachni. James had taken her weapons as soon as she got off the shuttle, and she had dragged Grunt to the med bay, leaving the krogan in Dr. Chakwas' and Mordin's loving care.

It had been a tough fight against the Rachi forces.  _Reaper-controlled_ Rachni forces. The amount of corruption the Reapers were capable of was terrifying. She also hadn't expected to encounter the Rachni queen again, and she hoped she had made the right decision in letting the queen go.

Speaking to the Rachni queen had reminded her of Noveria. Kaidan had backed her decision back then and she couldn't help wonder if he would've agreed with her today.

She stepped into the shower, still wearing her armor, and turned on the water; she wanted at least some of the goo and blood rinsed off before she sat down and cleaned every piece by hand. She slowly stripped down, dropping each armor piece onto the floor next to her before peeling herself out of her underarmor.

Once she had finished cleaning the armor of the last bit of rachni residue she stretched with a groan.

"What a stench," she mumbled as she began writing her mission report. "EDI, please recycle the air in my quarters. I'm sick of smelling rachni blood and guts."

" _Of course, Shepard._ "

"Thanks."

Silence fell, interrupted only by the whirring of the air filters and the clicking of the keys on the keyboard. Filing reports had to be one of Nick's least favorite parts of her job, but it had to be done. She rubbed her hands over her face and sat back, reading over her report a final time before sending it to Hackett.

" _Shepard,_ " EDI's voice sounded loud in the quiet room. " _Mordin wishes to speak to you._ "

Nick stood up, grateful for the interruption. Grabbing her hoodie she walked towards the door. "Tell him I'm on my way."

Mordin was already waiting for her. "Shepard. Tests verified. Results promising. Can synthesize cure for universal krogan immunity," he let her know before she had taken two steps into the med bay.

Shepard stopped short in surprise. "The cure is ready to deploy?"

Mordin continued talking at a great pace. "No. Only effective if distributed to all krogan. Transmission vector is problem. Groundwater? No, too slow. Voluntary inoculation risky."

"Mordin, you infected the krogan before, you can do it again," Nick said, glancing at Grunt and Eve at the far end of the med bay. Grunt appeared to be sleeping, but Eve nodded at her. Nick wasn't quite sure if it was a greeting or Eve agreeing with her statement.

"Population to scattered for airborne," he went on, ignoring her comment. "Unless, yes! The Shroud."

"The Shroud?" Nick repeated. "What is that?"

"Constant dispersion of air particles to repair atmosphere of Tuchanka. Built by salarians, and used by turians -."

"Let me guess, to spread the genophage?" she asked, certain her suspicions would be confirmed.

"Precisely. Also original strain in storage at Shroud. Can use it as carrier for cure."

Nick considered the information for a moment. She waved for Mordin to accompany her and walked towards the door. "Let's inform the others."


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long time since I updated and I apologize for the long delay, but I finally finished a new chapter. I haven't given up on this fic! Thank you all for your patience and your comments!

Skycars passed the windows. Kaidan watched them, drumming his fingers absently on the glass. The doctors had said he would be released from the hospital soon, probably either today or the next. A wave of excitement rolled through him. After weeks of being tied down by his injuries he was close to getting back into the fight, close to being able to do his job again. The thought alone made him feel giddy.

He turned away from the window, absently rubbing his hand over the amp jack at the base of his head. He still hadn't heard from his family, but he'd talked to Nick a few days earlier, and she had mentioned swinging by the Citadel soon. He longed to see her.

The hiss of the door brought him out of his reverie. He looked up. To his surprise it wasn't the doctor.

"Looking good, Major," Nick said, her eyes traveling over his form appreciatively.

A smile split his face. "Right back at you. If you came to spring me, though, you're late. I'm getting out soon. I was beginning to think all those promises of visiting me were just talk."

She shrugged apologetically. "Sorry about that. Hackett's been sending us from one ass-end of the galaxy to the other. Between the Reapers and Cerberus we've been pretty busy."

"Yeah, I know," he replied softly.

Kaidan stepped closer, gazing at her intently. On closer observation she looked pale and exhausted. He frowned. Maybe there was something he could do. "Listen, the doctor should be coming around soon for a final check up. Um," he scratched the back of his head, "if the Normandy is in dock long enough, how about I finally make good on that dinner offer?"

Nick paused. "That actually sounds really nice." She opened her omnitool and typed a message. "Well, I think it's safe to say she's not leaving without me, so I guess it's a date?"

"Yeah, it's a date."

"Awesome." Her smile was radiant. "So," she continued, "have you decided if you're gonna take the Spectre position or not?"

Kaidan nodded. "I accepted. I'm nervous as hell about it, if I'm honest. It's a big responsibility."

Nick waved her hand dismissively, closing the distance between them. "No more than being an Alliance officer, and you're a damn good one. One of the best I've -." A priority alert on her omnitool interrupted her. She glared at it, stepping back with a sigh and opening it with a small "sorry" in his direction.

She pulled a face. "Duty calls. I have something to take care of at the Spectre's office. Give me a call as soon as you're out of here, and then we can meet up when I'm done. I'm looking forward to that dinner."

"Me, too," Kaidan replied.

Laying her hand on his shoulder, she turned to go. Butterflies danced in his stomach at her touch. He wished he could grab her and kiss her instead of having to watch her leave.

Contemplating, he turned back toward the window and opened his omnitool. He might as well continue trying to get information about his students while he waited for the doctor.

A short time later he was so engrossed in flicking through reports, scanning them carefully and marking anything resembling a hint, he didn't notice his doctor entering the room.

"Working already, Major Alenko?"

Kaidan jumped. His doctor smiled.

"The results from yesterday look good," she said, glancing over his medical record. "I strongly advise against going into an active combat role for at least another week, but you are cleared for light duty. Come back next week for another check-up and feel free to come by for further acupuncture." She signed a form. "You're free to go." She extended a hand and shook his firmly before leaving the room.

Kaidan picked up his small bag, glanced around the room one last time, and left.

The hallway and foyer were busy. More and more wounded soldiers and refugees waiting for treatment sat on the floor because there weren't enough seats. Doctors and nurses bustled from one patient to the next. He hesitated briefly, wishing he had his med kit.

Taking a deep breath he stepped outside and walked to the nearest rapid transport terminal.

A few hours later he found himself waiting for Nick at the observation platform on the Lower Wards. He leaned against the bannister, looking out at the open arms of the Citadel. It was still an impressive view.

"Hey there."

Kaidan turned his head. Nick stepped next to him, resting her elbows on the railing. She followed his lead, gazing out at the view, and smiled. "Seems like forever ago since we stood here the first time, doesn't it?"

He dipped his head in agreement. "It brings back a lot of memories."

"Sure does." Nick laughed quietly. "Big place, huh? You were so adorably flustered!"

"Don't remind me," he groaned. "Ash teased me about that for days. Now, where do you want to eat? Apollo's isn't too bad, or I could offer to cook, but we'd have to make a supply run first."

Nick tapped a finger against her lips. "There's a small pub not far from here. They have good beer, decent food, and fair prices, and it shouldn't be too busy."

"Sounds good."

He followed Nick past the marketplace and deeper into the Wards as she lead the way to the pub. There were only a handful of people inside. She waved at the bartender and went to a table at the back of the room.

For a moment they sat quietly, studying the menu before placing their order.

"Have you heard from your parents?" Nick asked, breaking the silence.

"No, not yet," Kaidan answered, laying the menu aside. He shrugged helplessly. "I don't know whether they made it out of Vancouver or not. I hope so. They were headed out to the orchard the day of the attack, and they should have left town before the Reapers attacked. But, I don't know."

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." She squeezed his hand.

"It's okay," he replied, running his thumb in small circles over the back of her hand. "Depending on how damaged radio towers are it may be difficult getting out messages. What about you?"

"My dad's alive. He's with Anderson and the resistance. I got to speak with him shortly. My mom … I don't know either. Her ship hasn't reported in."

Kaidan nodded slowly. There were several explanations. Maybe they had to maintain radio silence due to heavy hostile presence, or maybe the ship was damaged. Worst case scenario, it had been destroyed. He knew that, and of course Nick knew it, too. There was nothing more to say about it.

The bartender set two freshly tapped beers in front of them. "Your food's coming right up."

Nick turned back toward Kaidan and they clinked glasses. Kaidan gave the beer an appraising look and took a probing swallow. It was cold, refreshing, and surprisingly good.

"This is good," he remarked, licking some foam off his lips. "Not Canadian lager, but still good."

"It's the best fucking beer on the Citadel, if you ask me," Nick answered. She took another swallow, closing her eyes and humming deeply as her tongue snaked out, swiping over her lips. Kaidan tightened his grip around his glass. She had to be doing this on purpose. Nick leaned back, opening her eyes again and looking straight at him. "Spectre Kaidan Alenko, that's a pretty big deal."

He nodded thoughtfully.

"But," she continued, digging into the food that had just been set in front of them. "I meant what I said earlier. It's not more responsibility than being an Alliance officer, there's just less red tape, which is nice. Downside is constantly having to deal with the Council. You're an exceptional officer, Kaidan." She pointed her fork at him. "And you'll make an exceptional Spectre."

He shifted slightly in his seat. "That means a lot coming from you. And you're making me blush!"

Nick simply poured more malt vinegar over her Fish and Chips and grinned. Kaidan shook his head slowly and focused on his own food, listening to her talk about her crew and the missions she'd completed since her last visit. The thought of Reaper-controlled rachni was disturbing, to say the least. The next stop, she told him, was Tuchanka to cure the Genophage.

Eventually Nick finished her beer and sighed. "I have to get back to it. Walk with me?"

Agreeing Kaidan paid the bill and they headed slowly towards the docks together. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as they walked through the hustle and bustle of the Citadel.

"I was surprised to hear Liara and Ash are a couple," Nick noted, elegantly avoiding bumping into a Turian stepping into her path.

"Really? You remember the hockey game we watched together? Back on the SR-1?" Kaidan asked.

Nick cast a quick glance his way. "How could I not? You almost kissed me."

"Uh, yeah," he cleared his throat. "True, but, umm, I meant earlier. At the club Ash was upset about Liara dancing around you, and at first I couldn't place it but then I had a hunch. Then again, you probably didn't see Ash scowling at Liara."

"Huh," Nick replied quietly, "that never occured to me."

Kaidan winked. "And I got to tease Ash for a change."

Nick let out a peal of laughter. It was the most beautiful sound he'd heard in a long time.

Soon, Normandy came into sight. They had almost reached the docking tube.

"Any plans on joining the Normandy?" she suddenly wanted to know.

"Do you want me to?" he asked, slowing down.

"Well," she answered slowly, stepping through the door and coming to a halt. She cast him a sideways glance. "I wouldn't hate it."

"I'd hope not," Kaidan chuckled, following her. The door closed behind them with a quiet whoosh. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

His breath hitched. Clearing his throat Kaidan glanced past her at the Normandy looming outside. "I know we've talked about sorting things out between us. I mean, do you still want," he hesitated and looked at her, waving his hand between them, "us?"

She threw an exasperated look at him.

"Why else do you think I'm here? I don't think I've been acting subtle!" She stepped closer, gazing at him intently. "To be very clear, the answer is yes."

He couldn't have stopped the smile on his face if he had wanted to. Emotions crashed over him. She still wanted _them_ , even after Horizon and Mars.

"Just making sure I was getting the right signals." His gaze darted to her lips.

"Now that we've gotten that clear, are you going to kiss me already or just keep staring at me?" A note of amusement mingled with impatience tinted her voice.

Kaidan looked around, wavering. There was a certain appeal to her suggestion but the docks weren't exactly private.

"Here? In public?" he asked, stepping closer to the wall. "What if one of the crew wants to get to the ship?"

"We're not serving together," Nick retorted. "Plus, I don't really give a damn about who sees us."

Smirking he reached under her chin, tilting her face upward. He cupped her face in his hands, gently running his thumbs along her cheek bone, and leaned down to capture her mouth in a lingering kiss. Nick moaned softly and pulled him closer, her hands tangling into his hair. A low groan escaped him as she nipped his bottom lip and her tongue swiped teasingly over it. He parted his lips to deepened the kiss, tongues sliding slowly around each other.

At last he pulled away, arousal flooding through him in waves.

"We have to stop," he murmured breathlessly, leaning his forehead against hers.

"We could always go to my place." she nodded toward the Normandy. "Or yours," Nick suggested in a low voice, leaning against him.

Kaidan shook his head reluctantly. He placed a kiss on the top of her head, inhaling the citrusy scent of her hair, and closed his eyes. He wanted her, badly; but a quick tumble wasn't what he wanted for their first time together again. He wanted to cherish her, not cheapen the moment by rushing things. Straightening his shoulders he stepped away from her.

"No. Tempting as it is, I want to be able to take my time."

Nick's gaze lingered on him. "Is that a promise?"

Kaidan held her gaze and nodded.

"Well," she said, bringing her mouth close to his ear, "be sure to make good on it."


End file.
